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بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
This book is copyrighted and under the sole ownership of MuslimaCoaching.com. No part of this
book can be copied, reproduced, distributed, or shared in any form or by any means without prior
permission from MuslimaCoaching.com.
© Muslima Coaching, 2019.
All Rights Reserved
♥ table of contents
A Common Wife Dilemma
Popular Wife Bloopers
Face The Facts Of Life
The T.A.L.K. Tender Tactic
Answers You Need To Hear
The Master Love Plan
The Conflict Protocol
The Express Hurt Feelings Formula
The Road Forward
More Books By Muslima Coaching
About Muslima Coaching
Testimonials
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♥
♥ a common wife dilemma ♥
♥
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♥ a single rose
During the first year of my marriage, my husband and I were grocery shopping in a marketplace in Damascus, Syria.
As we roamed through the streets searching for fresh fruit and vegetables to purchase, I noticed a young man walking up and down the streets trying to sell single roses.
I watched as he attempted to persuade passersby to purchase a rose. A single rose was equivalent to only one US dollar at the time, but even at such a cheap price, he wasn’t having much luck at selling them.
I smiled at the thought of my husband buying me one. Dazed by my childhood fantasies of what romance meant, I was sure that my husband would soon buy me a rose and hand it to me with a charming smile.
As the man approached us, my husband kept walking with his eyes fixated on his destination. I slowed down my pace and looked over at the man’s roses. I hoped that my husband would catch on to my subtle body language and realize that I really wanted a rose.
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But, he didn’t. He just kept walking.
The rose man seemed to notice my interest in his flowers. As a consequence, he went directly up to my husband, waved his roses in my husband’s face, and exclaimed that a single rose was only a dollar.
My husband gave him an annoyed look and raised up his hands to shoo him away. It appeared as if he had more important things on his mind than buying his wife a silly rose.
As for my mind, it started spinning with all types of bad thoughts about my husband’s intentions.
Am I not worth a dollar? I do so much for him.
Why didn’t he buy me one? Doesn’t he love me?
Is he upset at something?
I was so hurt by my husband’s unromantic move. To make matters worse, with each passing thought, my hurt began to transform into anger.
It’s only a dollar! He’s so not the romantic type. Anyone else would have bought it for their wife!
Funny enough, the rose man passed by us again a second time, giving it his best shot to sell a single rose for a dollar. This time, my husband acted like he didn’t notice him and continued moving forward.
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That did it for me. I felt like using my husband’s tactic and ignoring him for the rest of the day. If I wasn’t worth a measly dollar, then he wasn’t worth my time. Maybe if I stopped talking to him, he would realize his Mr. Romeo mistake and apologize for his thoughtlessness.
As we marched along, my curiosity got the better of me.
“Why didn’t you buy me a rose?” I innocently inquired, pushing down my anger so that it wouldn’t sound like an inquisition.
“You wanted one of those?” my husband replied in disgust. “They were so cheap and ugly. I would get you better than that.”
Shocked by his words, I looked back at him with a surprised expression.
“What? Do you want me to buy it?” he asked. “If you want it, I’ll buy it.”
“No. No. It’s okay don’t worry about it,” I said, trying to cover up my embarrassment for having such a bad opinion of him. Good thing he couldn’t read my mind after all!
But this got me thinking.
Was it really the rose that mattered to me or was it that I wanted my husband to automatically know what I was thinking or feeling without having to tell him?
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Was I fairly judging him or assuming the worst?
If I hadn’t asked for an explanation, would I really have ignored him for the rest of the day?
Oh my gosh! Was I honestly going to let a single rose negatively impact my marriage?
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♥ wife to wife
You and I probably have a lot in common.
One, we’re both Muslim wives. I’m sure that we are trying our best to be good wives for the sake of Allah Most High.
Two, we both have husbands who may not always catch on to our exact wants and needs. As such, it is very likely that we’ve faced similar issues in our relationships.
Like you, one of the most difficult things that I’ve had to deal with in my marriage was learning how to communicate with my husband and resolve conflict in a way that made our connection stronger.
How many a wife wishes that she could find the secret key to her husband’s brain so that she can get through to him!
In desperation, she may try every trick in the book: hiding her true desires to appease him, asking indirect questions, convincing him, making demands,
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nagging, criticizing, giving him the silent treatment, and the list keeps growing.
However, even though she may think that she is conveying her point, none of these mechanisms effectively send the real message that she desires to communicate to her husband. In fact, they are all covert attempts to sidestep the core issue at hand: she needs or wants him to do something for her happiness.
It could be taking out the trash every week. It could be doing her a favor so that she can use her time for something else. It could be standing up for her in the face of her mother-in-law’s criticism. It could be giving her more quality time without the children.
Name the game – countless wives wish that they knew how to get their husbands to play it! And the part that is often overlooked is that helping him to participate in the rules could be easier than some may think. Indeed, getting through to a man is a technique – and thankfully, it can be taught and learned.
What I’ve discovered is that it’s not only beauty and brains that grabs a man’s heart, but it’s how a woman talks to him. More specifically, it’s what she says and how she says it.
The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said, “A kind word is charity.” (Bukhari)
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This means that a kind word is an akhira investment. It is a way to one’s Lord and a means to enter Paradise.
A kind word is also a way to form a strong love connection with one’s husband. Undoubtedly, if a wife wants her marriage to blossom into a friendship, she needs to give as much sadaqa as she can.
When a woman practices the right communication tactics, she reaps the benefits and so does her relationship.
The correct approach can lead to a stronger connection as a couple. It can ward off unnecessary conflict. It can quickly transform tension into tenderness.
Learning how to communicate, connect, and cure conflict is essential for the success and longevity of our marriages.
As wives, we share the common dilemma of getting through to our husbands, and we can help each other through it.
I’ve found that saying it with love is more authentic, consists of less work, and produces quicker results.
However, before we talk about solutions, let’s discuss common mistakes that wives may make when trying to communicate to their husbands.
Return To Table Of Contents
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♥
♥ popular wife bloopers ♥
♥
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OTHER BOOKS BY MUSLIMA COACHING
HALAL NOVELS & INSPIRATION:
• “Love Scripts – Getting Through To Him” for all sisters.
• “Secrets Of Successful Muslim Wives” for all married sisters.
WIFE TIPS GUIDES:
• “Say It With Love: Communicate, Connect & Cure Conflict” for all married sisters.
• “Newlywed Nuggets: Golden Marriage Advice” for newlywed wives.
• “Finding Your Other Half: 8-Step Action Plan” for single sisters.
• “Ten Tips For Dealing With Muslim In-Laws” for all married sisters.
QUIZ SETS & WORKBOOKS:
• “Love Connection Kit” Relationship Quizzes for all married sisters.
FIND THEM AT THE MUSLIMA COACHING BOOKSTORE, KINDLE OR AMAZON! PLEASE RATE AND REVIEW OUR BOOKS!
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ABOUT MUSLIMA COACHING
Muslima Coaching is a coaching service that aims to encourage Muslim women to be the best wives, mothers, friends, and daughters that they can be. We coach single women, married women, divorced women, and teenagers (17+).
We offer:
Relationship Coaching – marriage advice centered around traditional Islamic teachings, modern-day marital advice, and self-help tactics for singles, newlyweds, and any married woman
Life Coaching – life guidance geared towards getting in touch with your Islamic purpose/fitra and forming life goals
Emotion Coaching – educational tactics used to teach women how to process, deal with, and react to negative emotional states
Adult Teen Coaching – practical advice of how to transition from a teenager into an adult woman (must be 17+)
Deen Coaching – teaching the rulings related to the five pillars of Islam
Islamic Inspiration – solutions that are built upon and around the deen insha’Allah
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Affordable Prices – more than half the price of other coaching services
Group Sessions – courses and workshops teaching sisters about marriage, life, and self-development
Individual Consultation Sessions – unique personal sessions catered to your life circumstances
Complete Confidentiality – no one will know your stuff except us
FREE Video Courses
Umrah For Women
• www.muslimacoaching.com/umra-for-women/
Fasting For Women
• www.muslimacoaching.com/fasting-for-women/
FREE Audio Series
Be His Khadija
• www.muslimacoaching.com/be-his-khadija-audio-series/
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TESTIMONIALS
“I want to tell you how impressive your coaching site is. Women are very blessed to have you. Your positive and uplifting advice is superb. Really valuable stuff!”
“The service you offer is excellent mashallah and is of great value.”
“I just finished reading the blog post today and I was so amazed at how beautiful, simple, and wise your advice is. I think any sensitive woman that’s been married for more than a few years can attest to its truths. MashaAllah la quwatta illa billah. And I was so awestruck, and I kept thinking how needed and valuable this information is, and I doubt that there is anything similar on the web.”
“I just wanted to express my heartfelt gratitude to you for starting and maintaining this website. May Allah reward you and give you barakah in it. I love the fact that the advice here comes from the perspective of religion, from a desire to please Allah subhanahu wa
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tala in marriage, and at the same time takes into account and directly addresses the challenges we face in our times. Also, there is great comfort in having the coaching option available for people who might need it.”
“I have honestly had such a different outlook since the session alhamduLillah. I have had less stress and worry as I always have and just felt more free than I have with regards to myself. I can’t tell you enough what the one-on-one session and the marriage classes have done for me. I’m almost like a new person. It is like I had blinkers on my eyes and by the grace of Allah swt was helped to remove them and see the blessings Allah swt has so generously bestowed upon me. I’m sure if you asked my husband he could vouch for how much I’ve changed.”
“All marriages need work and Muslima Coaching gives great advice for any woman wanting to improve and maintain a good marriage and home.”
“I had just accepted that my marriage was the way it was, and there was nothing I could do about it, so I forced myself to be happy and live with it. Now I know there are a list of things I can improve on to get a better marriage! And I feel like I have hope now,
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alhamdulillah. All the practical advice given on different situations are like wow, subhanAllah, is it really just as simple as that! Why did I make it so hard for myself all those years!”
“Now step by step I have the keys to open the doors to a beautiful life with my husband and children. Muslima Coaching has helped me to understand my husband and my role as a woman and wife and has thus cleared all my misconceptions of what marriage is. Every woman needs to do this course, I have learnt so much!”
