Andrew Solomon - Depresia, Secretul Nostru Comun

8/13/2019 Andrew Solomon - Depresia, Secretul Nostru Comun

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Andrew Solomon: Depresia, secretul nostru comun

Simeam de parc era o nmormntare n mintea mea,iar bocitoarelese agitautnguindu-se nencetat, pn cnd am simitc sensulieea la iveal. Iar cnd s-au linitit toatea nceput o slujb ca otob,s bat, s tot bat, pn cnd am simit c mintea miamorea.I-am auzit apoi ridicnd o cutiescrnind peste sufletulmeucu aceleai cizme de plumb.poi tot orizontul s-a umplut desunetca i cum cerul ar fi fost un clopotiar toat fiina ar fi fost ourec!e,doar eu i tcerea, ntr-o curs ciudatnaufragiasemsingure, aici,"ardoseala gndirii s-a rupt c!iar atuncii am czut totmai jos,loveam cte o lume la fiecare afundare,pn am ncetat s

mai tiu#.$unoatem depresia prin metafore.%mil& 'ic(inson a reuit s oredea n cuvinte,)o&a printr-o imagine.*umtate din scopularteieste s descrie astfel de stri emblematice.%u m-am considerat ntotdeauna puternic,m credeam unul dinoamenii care ar fi putut supravieuidac a fi fost trimis ntr-un lagrde concentrare.

+n am avut parte de nite pierderi.i-a murit mama,relaia ncare eram s-a terminat,-am mutat napoi n Statele /nitedup ce

petrecusem civa ani n strintate,am trecut cu bine prin toateaceste e0periene.+n 1 ns, adic 2 ani mai trziu,am nceput s pierd interesul fade cam toate lucrurile.3u mai vroiam s fac nimicdin tot ce miplcea nainte,fr s tiu de ce.4pusul depresieinu este fericirea,ci vitalitatea,iar aceast vitalitateprea c m prsise n acelmoment.5oate cte erau de fcut,mi se preau c cer prea multefort.6eneam acasi vedeam clipind beculeul rou al robotuluitelefonic.+n loc s fiu bucuros c am veti de la prietenii mei, mgndeam...74 groaz de oameni pe care trebuie s i sun

napoi8.Sau se ntmpla s ma !otrsc s iau prnzul, dar apoincepeam s m gndesc c trebuie s scot mncarea,s o pun peo farfuries o tai, s o mestec, s o ng!it.5oate acestea mi preauun calvar./nul lucru de care adesea nu se ine seamacnd se vorbete despredepresie,este acela c tu tii c este ridicol.9tii c ceea ce simi esteridicol.9tii c cei mai muli oameni reuescs i asculte mesajele i
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s mnncei s se pregteasc pentru du,s ias pe u,i cnu e mare lucru,cu toate astea eti prins ca-ntr-o g!iari nu eti nstare s ocoleti starea asta.a am nceput s fac mai puine,sgndesc mai puini s simt mai puin.%ra un fel de renunare.

S-a instalat apoi an0ietatea.'ac mi s-ar fi spus c va trebui sfiudeprimat n urmtoarea lun,a fi spus: 7'ac se termin pn nnoiembrie, pot s fac asta.8'ar dac mi s-ar fi spus7+n urmtoarealun trebuie s treci printr-o an0ietate acut,8a fi preferat s miscrntesc nc!eietura.veam tot timpul aceeai senzaiepe care o aicnd mergii aluneci sau te mpiedici,gata s cazi la pmnt.ns nloc ca senzaia s dureze o fraciune de secund,a durat aseluni.i senzaia c i-e fric tot timpul,fr s tii ns de ce i-efric.m nceput atunci s m gndescc e mult prea dureros s fii

n via,i singurul motiv de a nu te sinucideera acela de a nu face

ali oameni s sufere.+ntr-o zi m-am treziti m-am gndit c am avut probabil un ataccerebralpentru c stateam n pat, complet ng!eat,cu oc!ii latelefon i gndind:7$eva nu-i n regul, trebuie s sun dupajutor.8dar nu puteam s ntind brauls iau telefonul i sformez.+ntr-un final, dup patru ore de stat ntins i uitat fi0 latelefon,acesta a sunat.3u tiu cum, dar am reuit s rspund.%ratatl meu.I-am spus: 7m probleme serioase.85rebuie s facemceva.8

+n ziua urmtoare am nceput s iau medicamentei s factratament.m nceput s m luptcu aceast ntrebarengrozitoare:'ac nu sunt omul puterniccare ar fi rezistat ntr-unlagr de concentrare,atunci cine sunt ;'ac iau pastile,acestepastile m ajut s fiu eu nsumi cu adevratsau m transform naltcineva;$e prere s am eu atuncidac m fac s fiu altcineva;"orneam la lupt cu dou avantaje.+n primul rnd tiam c, obiectivvorbind,aveam o via frumoas,i c dac reueam s m facbine,m atepta ceva la captul drumuluipentru care merita striesc.+n al doilea rnd, aveam acces la un tratament bun.

$u toate acestea m-am ridicat i am czut,m-am ridicat i amczutiar i iarpn cnd, ntr-un final, am nelesc va trebui s iaupastilei s fac tratament toat viaa. ntrebam: 7'ar este oproblem c!imicsau o problem psi!ologic;re nevoie de un leacc!imic sau de unul psi!ologic;83u puteam s mi dau seama.stfelam neles c, de fapt,nu suntem destul de avansai n niciunul dintredomenii,astfel nct s e0plicm lucrurile pe deplin.tt tratamentele
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3/11

c!imice ct i cele psi!ologicejoac un rol.'e asemenea am nelesc depresia este cevaatt de nrdcinat n noinct nu poate fiseparatde caracterul nostru i de personalitate.6reau s spun c tratamentele pe care le avempentru depresie sunt

nspimnttoare.3u sunt prea eficiente.Sunt e0trem decostisitoare.u o mulime de efecte secundare.Sunt undezastru.5otui sunt recunosctor c triesc astzii nu acum


4/11

grav.'epresia este cea mai mare dizabilitate la nivel global,i moroameni n fiecare zi din cauza ei./nul dintre cei cu care am vorbitpe vremea cnd ncercam s

neleg,era o prieten dragpe care o cunoteam de muli anii care

avusese un epidod psi!oticn primul an de facultate,iar apoi a czutntr-o depresie ngrozitoare.vea sindromul bipolarsau maniedepresiv, cum i se spunea pe atunci.5ratamentul ei a funcionatfoarte binetimp de mai muli ani, pe baz de litiu.+ntr-un finali s-aoprit administrarea de litiu,pentru a vedea cum se descurcfr,ns a avut o alt psi!ozcare a azvrlit-o n cea mai cruntdepresiepe care am vzut-o vreodat.Sttea n apartamentulprinilor eimai mult sau mai puin nemicat,zile n ir.mintervievat-o despre aceast e0perien civa ani mai trziu. %a estepoet i psi!oterapeut i o c!eam aggie >obbins.$nd am

intervievat-o, mi-a spus:7$ntam ?@!ere Aave ll 5!e BloCers)one?iar i iar, pentru a-mi ine mintea ocupat.$ntam pentru abloca celelalte lucruri pe care mintea mea le spunea7%ti un nimic.%ti un nimeni.3ici mcar nu merii s trieti.8tunci am nceput cuadevrat s m gndescs m sinucid.8$nd eti ntr-o depresie, nu te gndetic ai un vl cenuiu peoc!ii c vezi lumea prin ceaaunei stri proaste.5e gndeti cvlul a fost ridicat,vlul fericirii...i abia acum vezi adevrul.% maiuor s i ajui pe sc!izofrenici care simtc e0ist ceva strin n

ei,ceva care trebuie e0orcizat,ns este mult mai greu cudepresivii,pentru c ei cred c vd adevrul.+ns adevrul minte.m devenit obsedat de aceast propoziie:7+nsadevrul minte.8"e msur ce vorbeam cu oameni depresivi amdescoperitc acetia aveau multe percepii neltoare.+i spuneau:73imeni nu m iubete.8Iar tu spui 7%u te iubesc,soia ta te iubete,mama ta te iubete.8Se poate rspunde la asta rapidpentru cei maimuli oameni.+ns oamenii care sufer de depresie vor mai spune ic74rice am face,cu toii vom muri pn la urm.#Sau vor spune:73u poate e0ista o relaie de uniune adevratntre doi

oameni.Biecare suntem prini n propriul nostru trup.8Da care n-ai altrspuns dect:7%ste adevrat,dar cred c ar trebui s neconcentrm acumla ce vom mnca la micul dejun.8E>seteF'emulte oriei e0prim nu boala, ci observaii profunde. i ajungem scredem c ceea ce e cu adevrat e0traordinareste c majoritateatim aceste ntrebri e0isteniale,ns ele nu ne distrag prea tareaten ia. i-a plcut n mod deosebit un studiun care un grup de
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5/11

persoane depresivei un grup de persoane fr depresieau fostrugate s joace un joc video timp de o or.Da finalul respectiveiore,au fost ntrebai c i monstrulei cred ei c au omort.$ei dingrupul de depresivi au greit n estimare cu apro0imativ =G,n timp

ce persoanele fr depresiiestimau c au ucis de < - H= de ori maimuli monstrulei - E>seteF dect uciseser n realitate.uli mi-au spus, atunci cnd am ales s scriu despre depresiamea,c trebuie s fie foarte greus m e0pun i s spun oamenilordespre asta.-au ntrebat: 7+i vorbesc oamenii altfel acum;# %u amrspuns: 7'a, mi vorbesc altfel,n sensul cncep s mipovesteasc despre e0periena lor, despre e0periena surorii lor saue0periena prietenului lor. Ducrurile sunt diferite pentru c acumtiu c depresia este secretul de familiepe care fiecare l are.

cum civa ani am mers la o conferin, iar n ziua de vineri dintre

cele 2 zile de conferin,unul dintre participani m-a luat deoparte imi-a spus:7Sufr de depresie,sunt puin jenat de asta, dar am luataceste pastilei vroiam s v ntreb ce prere avei;# i-am datsilina s i dau cel mai bun sfat pe care puteam s l dau. %a mi-aspus apoi:7Soul meu nu ar nelege niciodat asta. % genul de ompentru care lucru acesta n-are sens.'e aceea a vrea s rmndoar ntre noi.m spus: 7'a, este n regul.#+n duminica aceleaiconferine, soul doamnei m-a luat deoparte i mi-a spus: 7Soia meaar crede cnu-s cine tie ce brbat dac ar ti asta, dar m confrunt

cu aceast depresie,iau nite medicamentei m ntrebam ce prereave i;# $ei doi ascundeauaceleai pastile n dou locuri diferitedinacela i dormitor.m spus c sunt de prere cn csnicia lorcomunicareaeste cea care genereaz o parte din problemele pe carele au.E>seteF-a frapat totui natura mpovrtoarea acestuisecret reciproc.'epresia este att de epuizant.>pete timp i deenergie,iar pstrarea tceriinu face dect s agreveze depresia.

m nceput apoi s m gndesc la felurilen care oamenii sensntoesc. Da nceput eram scepic.$redeam c erau cteva feluride terapii care funcionau, mi era clar care erau

--medicaia, anumite psi!oterapii,poate i tratamentulelectroconvulsiv,iar toate celelalte erau prostii.m descoperit nsceva:dac ai un cancer pe creier,i i spui c stnd n cap H= deminuten fiecare diminea te vei simi mai bine, atunci poate ntr-adevr te vei simi mai bine,ns vei avea n continuare cancer pecreieri probabil vei muri din aceast cauz.'ar dac spui c ai odepresiei stnd n cap H= de minute n fiecare zite face s te simi
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