Buencamino Sisters (CW 110).docx

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Anna Bea D. Geronga, 2012 – 24195 Prof. Anna Felicia Sanchez

BA Creatie !riting C! 110, "#$

B%enca&ino Si'ter'

There are times when her father calls her Catherin, absentmindedly. It is a slip of the tongue

nobody notices but her. She pays it no heed. Rolando Buencamino does not miss anyone, she

consoles herself. But when her aunt calls her little Catherin, deliberately, she hears judgment in

her voice. er words, thic!, li!e oil on her s!in she can"t get rid of, a mar!. #rom her aunt"s lips,

it is a taunt, a prediction that she will become li!e $rin soon enough.

%n a Saturday night, $mma is standing among guests in the &uteros" bac!yard. Tables

covered in white cloth with centerpieces of fresh lilies are systematically scattered around her.

She loo!s around and she sees familiar faces, her neighbors". She sighs. She drin!s from the

glass she"s holding, emptying its contents as the form of her aunt wal!ing towards her with the

&utero matriarch bloc!s her vision. er aunt is smiling. She frowns. She places the empty glass

on the tray of a passing server, straightening her bac! as the two older women stop in front of

her.

'$mma loo!s just li!e her older sister. She"s a little Catherin. (on"t you thin!)* +rs.

+aricar Ragsac+anahan, her aunt, as!s the matriarch of the &uteros a rhetorical -uestion.

$mma stiffens at the comment but says nothing, no defense, no ac-uiescence. She simply stares.

#ingering the gaudy nec!lace adorning her ruffled chest, +rs. +anahan loo!s at $mma from

head to toe. It is one of those instances when two old crones hover over a teenage girl, nitpic!ing

everything about her with their eyes as if she isn"t there.

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'Really) I didn"t !now Rolando had another daughter.* +rs. &utero stares at $mma"s

face, loo!ing for a familiar one. $mma stares at her aunt"s nec!lace, its pendant"s sie so

glaringly big and offensive.

'is firstborn. (on"t you remember the girl)*

'+y dear, all along I thought $mma was an only child.*

$mma rubs at a scald on her forearm, staring still at the gigantic piece hanging around

her aunt"s nec!, too ostentatious for this event, a homecoming party. It loo!s heavy. Surely her

aunt can feel the weight of it. It would be easy to strangle her with it.

'But she isn"t. Catherin left seven years ago. Right, $mma)*

/t the mention of her name she loo!s up, shrugging her shoulders.

'/h, !aya pala. 0e moved here si1 years ago. mm, Rolando never did mention that he

has another daughter.*

'e never does.* +rs. +anahan purses her lips together.

'2ou say the girl left seven years ago. +y goodness, how old was this girl) 2ou"re only

fifteen, right, $mma) +y son tells me so. They go to school together at Saint 3ohn"s. I thin! I

told you that before, +aricar,* +rs. &utero says.

$mma doesn"t understand why she"s still there, standing stiffly at that wretched space.

'2es, you did. Catherin"s older by eight years. $mma"s a miracle baby, you see,* +rs.

+anahan says, reaching for a glass from the tray held by a passing maid. She sips her drin!

slowly.

+rs. &utero nods her head, smiling as she catches a pair of eyes a few meters away.

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'Come, +aricar. I must introduce you to the 4avaretes. They"re such a wonderful couple.

$1cuse us, sweetheart,* she says, touching $mma"s arm as the two older women wal! towards

the awaiting strangers.

$mma breathes a sigh of relief and decides to go home. er father should have been here,

and she should have been at home reading, studying, or listening to music 5 anything but this.

This is supposed to be his courtesy call, not hers. But her father is still in the hospital, delivering

babies.

She blames her aunt for dragging her along. Though the &uteros are just from across the

street, she considers the whole event a chore. She never did li!e her neighbors. They tal! too

much.

%n her way out of the &utero home, she hears someone calling her name. She continues

wal!ing. In front of their gate, she loo!s bac! and sees Christian, waving at her, smiling li!e a

fool. She tilts her head, rubbing at her forearm. She turns around, rings the bell, and waits for

their maid to open the gate, ignoring the boy completely.

%n her way to school, she curls her hair very meticulously. She paints her lips with a tint

of pin!. She presses her s!irt down, flattening absent creases. She chec!s herself in the mirror

and smiles. She wal!s to her door but stops in front of her dresser. She opens the drawer, ta!es

out the rubbish, an empty jewelry bo1, a bro!en hairdryer, everything. /t the bottom is a picture

of her with her sister when they were younger. She touches $rin"s face and considers if she loo!s

just li!e her. She stares into the mirror, and wonders if it"s the button nose, or the curly hair, or

the eyes. She sha!es her head, it"s the eyes. She places the picture in her poc!et, but has second

thoughts. She doesn"t need the e1tra weight.

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In school, she wal!s the hallway with all the confidence she can muster. It"s her last year,

the last leg in this high school journey she can"t wait to leave behind. She struts. She struggles.

She brea!s her fall. %n the wall is $rin"s picture, along with all the other valedictorians and

salutatorians that grace these empty halls. She"ll be better. She blin!s. She goes to her classroom

and listens to her teacher. The older woman drawls out today"s lessons, and as!s a -uestion.

She raises her hand, and answers. The woman as!s her something else.

'Buencamino) /re you $rin"s sister) 2ou thin! just li!e her.* $mma blin!s.

'2es,* $mma says. The older woman smiles at her response.

/fter that, she tunes her out. She !nows the lesson. She has read it and understood it. She

sees herself sitting in the classroom, eyes on a noteboo!, hand idly scribbling incoherent

thoughts together, writing lyrics of her own. The bell rings, and she moves out with a certain

speed she can"t restrain. Suddenly, the classroom is too hot and too personal for comfort. She"s

losing ground.

/t the cafeteria, she tal!s to her classmates. She e1changes jo!es and ma!eup tips. Then,

they tal! about boys.

'ave you seen /nton today) +y gosh, he win!ed at me. 0hat does that mean) (o you

thin! he li!es me)* (olly says all in a rush, blushing at the memory.

'%h, I don"t !now. /nton"s a big flirt, (olly6 Control yourself,* Cosette, the pretty one,

admonishes, lightly slapping her friend"s hand

'But what if he does li!e you)* $mma as!s, smiling. (olly smiles bac! at her.

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'Then, the feeling"s mutual. ow about you, $mmy) 2ou li!e anyone)* $mma shrugs

her shoulders. (olly moves closer.

'$mmy, you !now you can trust us. Spill6 (o you li!e Christian)*

'+aybe,* she says. 'I"ll tal! to you girls later. I have to return something.*

She leaves them behind. They"re li!e twittering birds, pic!ing at worms when they tal!

about boys. Trivial things do not interest her. Tal!ing e1hausts her.

%n her way to the library, she remembers how Catherin had five girl friends constantly

visiting their home. In her mind"s eye, she can see her sister, wearing her old school uniform,

tal!ing to her girl friends about boys with a !ind of ease she doesn"t have. er jaw tightens at the

memory. (istracted as she is, she bumps into someone.

'ey. Sorry about that.* Christian smiles sheepishly. Al(a)' the fool , says a voice in her

mind.

She smiles bac!, and wal!s past him.

/t home, she sees her father sitting on the couch reading the paper. She ta!es his hand,

and presses the bac! of it to her forehead. e doesn"t loo! up, doesn"t even bat an eye. She goes

to her room. She changes her clothes. She reads her te1tboo!s. She does her homewor!. By si1,

dinner is ready, she goes down. She !nows this, li!e cloc!wor!.

She ta!es a bite of the por! adobo. She compliments the coo!. She chews slowly. /s she

swallows, she remembers her aunt criticiing her for being too scrawnyloo!ing for her age. She

fights the urge to roll her eyes. $rin is fuller, has a woman"s body at si1teen. $mma ta!es a

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second helping of rice and por! adobo. &ina, the coo!, smiles, pleased at $mma"s actions. &ina

pours more juice in $mma"s glass, and goes bac! to the !itchen.

'ow was school)* her father as!s, spoon hanging in the air.

'The pop -uies were easy.*

er father nods his head7 a nod of approval, she detects.

'ow are your violin lessons coming along) It"s been a long time since I tal!ed to +rs.

8onales.*

'I haven"t missed a session, 9apa.*

'8ood.* er father continues eating.

In the silence, she remembers $rin playing the violin, then the piano, then the flute, never

really stic!ing with one instrument.

'I"m so happy you plan to continue playing the violin. 2ou !now, I was your sister"s

teacher before. She had the aptitude, but not as much dedication such as you do, girl,* +rs.

8onales said when she was eleven. She remembers her wrin!led face and her !ind eyes, and

how she patted her nose with the pad of her forefinger as she smiled.

'$mma, I"ve thought about this and I thin! you should -uit that club of yours in school,*

her father suddenly says.

She drops her spoon and stares at her father, not completely understanding what he just

said.

'2ou"re graduating in +arch. I don"t want this 8lee club of yours to interfere with your

studies,* her father says.

She wants to tell him that even after joining 8lee club, never once did she slac! off, that

her grades are immaculate still, all line of nines, no room for failure. She wants to tell him 8lee

6



club ma!es her happy, that she enjoys singing, music, writing song lyrics and melodies. She

wants to defend her e1tracurricular to her father, but she can"t, won"t. She"s all second thoughts,

and no bac!bone. She remembers how $rin fought their father tooth and nail, and disobeyed him

still even when he said no. '2ou can"t ma!e me,* she would scream.

She nods her head, and continues eating. The rice tastes li!e paste on her tongue.

er father as!s her about the &utero !id from across the street. e warns her to stay away

from that boy. She loo!s at her father, bespectacled and grayhaired, and wonders how old her

father suddenly loo!ed. She sees wornness in his eyes. It"s a warning, what he said. But it almost

feels li!e a plea. Don*t leae &e +ehin.

'I"ll stay away,* she says, swallowing the lump in her throat.

The coo! enters the dining room with the dessert. She serves both father and child. $ach

one, a slice of apple pie, her mother"s favorite, $rin"s as well, or so $rin said when $mma was

five.

'+ay I be e1cused) I need to finish something,* $mma says, already rising from her

chair. er father nods, ta!ing a bite of his pie.

In her room, she listens to her music, and falls asleep.

Comes the wee!end, she enters $rin"s room, uninhabited and untouched. She airs the

room out. She gathers a few clothes from the closet, and washes them herself. She hangs them to

dry. The maid overloo!s the young girl"s actions. The maid"s aware of the routine. $veryone"s

aware, e1cept the Buencaminos. $verybody else turns a blind eye. 0hen the clothes are dry and

have been pressed, $mma sprays them with the perfume $rin li!ed 5 essence of jasmine, and

almond. The scent tic!les her nose, and her mind. The bottle is empty. She notes it down on her

7



phone: Buy again ne1t wee!. In $rin"s room she loc!s the door. She wears $rin"s clothes, and

stares into the mirror. She ta!es some boo!s from her shelf, and brings them to her room. She

reads $rin"s boo!s, her favorite novels, the most tattered of all. She reads the notes on the pages,

tiny scribbles, comments and reactions from the owner herself. She laughs at a scribble: 'The

title, finally6* The title of the novel, somewhere in a gigantic slab of te1t has been underlined

twice. $mma cries when no one"s loo!ing.

She curls her hair and stares into the mirror. It all loo!s wrong. She pulls her hair out in

frustration, then stops. She tears up $rin"s picture, then tapes it bac! together. She loo!s at the

mirror and she sees her. She scratches her arms, nails digging in her flesh, her s!in turning pin!

at the assault. She hates her. It would have been better if she died. But they just left. 0hy didn"t

they just die)

She rubs the scald on her forearm until she falls asleep.

%n the patio, +rs. +anahan is waiting for her niece. Slipping out of her coat, she pats her

temples with her linen hand!erchief. Crossing her legs, she sits upright, and puts one bony hand

on top of the other.

'$mma. $mma, sweetheart. Come now, while the sun"s still out.*

%ut of the doors that lead to the patio from the living room, comes $mma, with her eyes

glued on the boo! she"s holding. She wal!s, and then sits across from the older woman without

even lifting her head.

';eep that. &et"s drin! the lemonade &ina prepared while it"s still cool. $very time I visit,

you"re always busy. So, let"s tal!,* says her auntie.

8



0ith a finger placed between pages, $mma loo!s up and closes the boo!. The cover of

the novel is tattered, worn.

'/bout what, auntie) 0hat could we possibly tal! about)* she as!s her mother"s sister,

legs crossing.

'ow about boys)* +rs. +anahan as!s, with the rim of the glass just between her lips.

'But I don"t date.* She opens the novel she"s reading e1posing the browncolored leaves

reminiscent of coffee stains. She begins to read.

'0hen your sister was your age she would 5*

'But I"m not my sister.* She cuts her off, head still bent.

'2es, I !now.* +rs. +anahan sighs. '2ou !now the &uteros from across the street are

having a small gettogether for /rmand"s birthday. as your father brought that up)*

$mma sha!es her head, eyes devouring the te1t on her lap.

'%f course, your father didn"t. 0hen did he ever tell you anything)*

'0hen will she return, 9apa) 0e"re supposed to read my boo! together.* She was a

child of eight, brushing the hair of a doll.

'Starting tomorrow, +iss 3anine will be helping you with your homewor!. She"ll be your

tutor.* S-uatting in front of her, !nees bent, her father adjusted his glasses.

'0hat"s a tutor)*

'/ tutor is someone who helps you study.*

'4ot /te) But she always helps me with my division.* The doll"s hair had too many

!nots. She combed it harder, her tiny hands struggling with the doll. The doll"s head shoo!

between $mma"s hands.

9



'2es, but now you have +iss 3anine to help you.*

'%!ay. 0hen will /te be home)* she as!ed. She ran one hand through the doll"s hair,

twirling the curls with her tiny fingers.

'2our /te won"t be coming home.*

er eyes bulged out. She gripped the doll"s curls and pulled.

'0hy)* she whined.

'I don"t !now.*

'But she said<* she started, voice rising as she threw the doll and the comb on the floor.

Some strands of fa!e doll curls stic!ing to her sweaty palms.

'Stop as!ing -uestions, $mma6 4obody !nows why.* er father"s voice was stern, angry.

It left no room for more -uestions. Standing up, her father left her with the maid to fend with her

tears.

$verybody !new why $rin left. er father !new. The neighbors !new and so did the rest

of the school. They made a fool out of her, whispering behind her bac!. She seethed in anger at

her ignorance. She would scratch the scald on her forearm until it turned red.

It was a stranger who told her why, a schoolmate, a friend of the brother of the boy who

left with her sister. er classmate said her sister eloped with a college boy. She didn"t even !now

the meaning of the word. 0hile solving a word problem, she as!ed +iss 3anine what 'elope*

meant. The woman stared at her for a while before she said, eyes amused, '0hen two people

elope, they run away to get married.*

She didn"t as! her further. She nodded her head as she solved how much money +rs. /

had left after buying ingredients for a pie, and buying candies for her two daughters.

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'$mma, you should really apply some cream under your eyes. Those bags ma!e your

eyes loo! bigger than they already are. /re you listening, girl)* er aunt"s voice rises just a bit,

tapping her shoulder with a fan.

'I read a lot,* she says, as if the statement answers something, anything.

'2es, I can see. 2our father says you study a lot too.*

She turns bac! a page, wondering if she missed anything.

'$mma, sweetheart, all wor! and no play ma!es 3ac! a dull boy, you !now,* her aunt

says, eyes loo!ing pointedly at her.

'But I"m not a boy,* she says, closing her boo!.

She"s singing her favorite song when the doorbell rings, once, twice, thrice, four times

until she realies &ina"s out, and that she"s alone. 0ith earphones stic!ing in her ears, she opens

the door, humming. /nd for a while, she stands still, mouth agape, hand hanging in the air.

Suddenly, she"s there, with her hair cut short, her lips red, with that familiar smile li!e in the

pictures. But she can"t loo! at her because she doesn"t !now her. Behind her the sun is bright. Its

rays shedding a halo above her head, one she doesn"t deserve. $mma raises her hand to cover her

eyes. She s-uints.

'+iss me)* Catherin"s lips curl into a smir!. She steps forward, leans in, and hugs $mma

tight. The movement causes the earphones to dislodge themselves from her ears and all she hears

is silence. She finds herself in a warm embrace, familiar arms around her, head full of hair on her

shoulder, she fights the compulsion to lean in. She closes her eyes and for a split second she

11



doesn"t !now what to believe. She stands still. /rms by her side, she waits for Catherin to let go

of her. Seconds later and she does, with a smir! planted on her face.

'It"s been a long time, little sister.*

It"s a while before $mma steps bac!, and lets her in. She glides into the room li!e a swan,

and $mma stops herself from moving. In her red trench coat, she surveys the mess she left

behind. She"s so heavily adorned, her ears with diamonds, her wrists with gold, her feet with

2S&. Catherin wal!s past her, leaving a whiff of jasmine in her wa!e. #o( are 'he ree- of

erfection, (hen all of %' are a (rec-/ She holds her breath and counts to ten.

Sitting on the couch, across from her, she thin!s this is not how it"s supposed to go. She"s

supposed to scream and berate her for leaving, not as! her what she"d li!e to drin!. She places

the glass of water on the coffee table, hand sha!ing when she pulls away. $arphones hanging

around her nec!, !nees sha!ing, she feels coldness seeping through her.

If she leaves her now, would it be rude of her)

'$mmy, you"ve grown. I remember when you were this small,* her hand hanging in the

air, presenting a hypothetical height, 'now loo! at you, tall and womanly.* $mma stares, not

!nowing how to deal with everything. Seven years is not enough to prepare her for this. She

loo!s at anything but her. She fi1ates on Catherin"s bag, genuine leather, the !ind of which her

aunt would approve of. She loo!s at the scarf coiled around the handle.

'(o you li!e it)* Catherin as!s, smir!ing. She uncoils the sil! and tosses it at her. 'Ta!e

it. I bought a lot of scarves when I was in 9aris last summer. %h, the macarons there were to die

for6*

$mma folds the scarf and places it on her lap.

12



She wants to say, I wish you were dead, why now, not than! you. But her thoughts are

muffled by her sister"s chatter.

$yes s-uinting, she sees herself sitting aw!wardly in front of Catherin the graceful. The

scald itches, begging to be scratched. She ignores it. $mma crosses her arms, and then uncrosses

them. 'Then, /ri too! me to +ilan=* Blah, blah, blah. $mma places her hands flat on her lap,

on the scarf, wiping her sweaty palms with it. 'I told him we should"ve gone to Santorini with

9amela but=* $mma coils the scarf around her fingers, as she stares at Catherin"s lips, moving,

red and insulting. '0e stayed there for three wee!s=* $mma tugs the ends of the scarf, as she

nods. Catherin and her mindless musings.

Sh%t % on*t care a+o%t Pari' or ilan or (hateer hellhole )o% ca&e fro&. Sto

tal-ing a+o%t the&. "al- a+o%t %'. She smothers the thought.

0ith her upper lip all stiff, and her chin jutting out, she as!s, '0hy are you here)* er

voice is -uiet, cold. She controls her breathing. She taps a familiar rhythm on her !nee, waiting.

Shoulders stiffening, one sculpted eyebrow rising, Catherin loo!s at her, amused.

'I came to visit,* she says with a smile. $mma wants to reach the glass of water, and

splash it across her face. She rubs the scald on her forearm instead, scratching a none1istent itch,

a scab turned scald, a burnt mar! that had healed.

In the garden, $rin"s bac! was turned from her, she was si1teen. $mma wanted to show

her sister the food she made with the new toy their father gave on her seventh birthday. She

prepared a burger with a patty in the middle, and fries, red and bright yellow, all ma!e believe.

0ith a !erchief on her head, a plastic spatula in hand, she ran to her sister, slamming her small

body with $rin"s. She hugged her from behind, s-ueeing the older girl"s waist. In $rin"s

13



surprise, she staggered, dropping the cigarette she"s holding. The lighted stic! fell from $rin"s

fingers and onto her arm, the whole event too sudden, unforeseen. 0hen the burning stub met

s!in, she screamed.

It was hot as fire.

She loo!s at the scar on her forearm, as she listens to her lies.

'I wanted to see you.*

!ere )o% +%') the a't eight )ear'/ She bites the inside of her chee!.

0hen her father comes home, she stands up and leaves them behind. The tension in the

room is too thic!, and too much. This family reunion is long overdue.

'ello, father.* Catherin says, sitting on her father"s spot on the sofa, as if it"s her place.

$mma wants to run.

%n the top of the stairs, biting her lower lip, peeling the s!in, $mma eavesdrops to her

father and sister"s conversation. olding her !nees together, she tries to stop them from sha!ing.

'It"s been what) Si1 years)* Seven, $mma wants to scream. #rom the stairs, she sees her

sister sitting across her father, legs crossed, hands folded on top of her lap. 'I want to ta!e $mma

to 9aris. She must see la tour $iffel, le mus>e du &ouvre, la rivi?re Seine6 Paa, she must see

everything.* Catherine says, employing an accent that wasn"t born to her as she turns the golden

chain around her wrist, diamond glistening on her ring finger. $mma loo!s at her face, at her

button nose, at her bright eyes, at her rosy chee!s. er sister glows. She"s happy. er father must

!now it. er father moves, his !nee bumping into the coffee table, the glass nearly topples at the

impact. $mma flinches. er sister doesn"t.

14



Catherin loo!s so calm and so collected, and so different from the teenage girl who spat

in her father"s face a lifetime ago.

'4o one"s leaving this house until I say so. 3'eciall) with that boy from across the

street,* her father said, disgusted.

'is name"s Ric!y.*

er father continued, ignoring her sister. 'If you have any selfworth, you will leave that

boy.* er father"s voice was stern, always was. She was on the top of the stairs, hugging Billy

the bear. She was wo!en up by her sister"s shrie!s. $mma was eight.

'2ou"re such a dictator. It"s suffocating6* $rin held her own throat for emphasis. '4ow, I

!now why +ama left. It"s your fault.* $rin"s voice was too shrill, yet too clear for her to miss

anything. The ne1t thing she heard was a slap, crisp and loud. Its sound suspended in the air, as

$rin gasped.

'I hate this family.* She remembers the sound of footfalls, heavy thuds on the floor, and

the lamp falling, brea!ing. She remembers cho!ing bac! her tears, and running to her room, not

!nowing why.

'9apa, you haven"t said a word. /ri will pay all the e1penses. /untie told me $mma"s

graduating this +arch.* / pause. '$uro trip.* Catherin tuc!s a stray loc! behind her ear,

e1posing a clearcut diamond. 'It"ll be my gift. Clearly, I"m not as (orthle'' as you thought me

to be, no)*

/ bargaining chip. / small consolation.

$mma stands up from where she"s sitting and enters her room, !nees no longer sha!ing.

15



She wants to mourn her ghosts, but she can"t because they"re still alive. It would have

been easier if they died. She pulls the headphones from her nec!, but fails. The cords are

entangled with her artificial tresses. In her anger she pulls the cords hard, freeing them from her

wretched curls. The action jer!s a few strands from her scalp. She doesn"t wince a bit.

Catherin"s natural curls are shorter, just above her shoulders, a classic bob, but her hair

used to be long. The curls used to reach her lower bac!. She remembers braiding them when she

was still a child, on her sister"s lap, as $rin hummed a song, and flipped through the channels

with the remote. er fingers, all useless thumbs, trying to braid her /te"s beautiful curls, and

failing. She would press them on her nose, and smell her shampoo. er older sister would laugh

at her antics.

'0hy is your hair curly and mine"s straight)* she as!ed her sister.

'8enes, $mmy. 8enes.*

'But we"re both wearing shorts,* she said, both hands lifted, palms up, as if they were

e1plaining the obvious.

'uh) 2ou"re being weird, you little mon!ey,* $rin said, tic!ling her armpits.

/s she lies on the bed, she hears footsteps in the other room, $rin"s. The walls are thin,

too thin. Their father must have let her stay. 0hy) / -uestion she wants to as!.

She wills herself to sleep, but can"t. Sweating, she ties her hair, too long and too curly,

they"re strangling her.

16



In the morning, at brea!fast, $mma"s sitting across from Catherin. Catherin"s wearing her

old clothes, and they fit perfectly. $mma chews her eggs slowly. Tasteless. /s $mma salts her

egg, she watches her sister pour hot water in her cup, $mma"s cup. She sees the same eyes

staring bac! at her, but hers, $mma"s, were swollen and tired. She sha!es the condiment a little

too hard. /nd it doesn"t matter. They all taste the same, no matter what. /t the head of the table,

her father"s seat is empty. e"s in the hospital, comforting motherstobe, leaving his daughters

behind to deal with the mess that never ended.

/fter placing a tea bag into her cup, Catherin reaches for the butter !nife and spreads jam

on her bread. The !nife"s too dull, $mma thin!s as she swallows.

'I heard you"re doing well in school. Better than I did, I thin!.* Catherin says, ta!ing a

bite of her bread, a dainty bite. She pats the corner of her mouth with a nap!in, and smiles.

/lways proper, always perfect. Ate, 'to

'/re you dating now) /ny boys wal!ing you to the door) 9ic!ing you up)* er smile is

so genuine, it riles $mma up. She can"t possibly thin! they can go bac! to the way they were

before. $mma stares at her, eyes unblin!ing. She frowns. Catherin moves with a certain grace,

$mma could never muster. She watches her drin! her tea, the steam in her cup rising7 the scald

on $mma"s forearm throbs.

Catherin puts the cup down, her ring glistening under the light. Somewhere in $mma"s

chest, something hurts, something clenches.

'$mmy, I"ll ta!e you to 9aris. 0hat do you say)* Catherin reaches for her hand. $mma

pulls away, reaching for the thermos, pouring hot water in a cup that isn"t really her'.

Catherin"s smile falters7 $mma al&o't feels better.

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'9aris is beautiful in +ay. /ri and I will ta!e you anywhere you want. 0ouldn"t you li!e

that)*

'/fter 9aris, then what)* $mma slips a tea bag into her cup, stopping her fingers from

sha!ing. @nderneath the table, she wipes one sweaty palm on her nightgown.

'0e"ll ta!e you to Aenice. It will be a wonderful trip. I will buy you dresses, shoes, bags.

0hatever you want. I"ll teach you everything you need to !now. 2ou"ve been in want of

womanly guidance, my dear.* &aughter escapes the older girl7 $mma feels gutted somehow.

$mma uses a teaspoon to remove the tea bag from her cup, her other hand clenching her

nightgown, once, twice. 4ails digging into her thigh.

'ow long)* She feels the strength in her voice, and it pleases her.

Catherin tilts her head, drin!ing her tea. 'mm)* / -uestion.

'ow long is this trip)*

Catherin smiles.

'/ month.*

'Then)*

'Then what, $mmy)*

She*ll &arr) Ari, 3&&). An 'he*ll leae )o% +ehin, neer 'a)ing 'orr).

@nderneath the table, her hand is sha!ing, her s!in brea!ing. She sha!es her head, with a

smile that doesn"t -uite reach her eyes. Catherin butters another slice of bread.

'2ou"ll love /ri. /ri"s such a gentleman. I met him at a friend"s party two years ago. e"s

a businessman, you see. e travels a lot and he brings me with him=* Blah, blah, blah. /ri this,

/ri that. '%h, you should have seen where he too! me on my birthday6 /nd the surprise he

pulled off. It was perfect. /ri"s just perfect=* Blah, blah, blah. $mma reaches for the cup= 'e

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loves me. I feel li!e no other person loves me as much=* = but grips the thermos" handle

instead. Standing, she lifts it up, and as she pours the damn thing onto her sister"s left hand,

$mma releases a breath she doesn"t !now she"s holding. Catherin screams, her eyes bulging out.

$mma pours with a smile on her face.

Before she can pull away, $mma grabs her wrist and holds it down, a deadly grip, as she

empties the thermos on her pin! pin! s!in, now red. She struggles. $mma"s grip tightens. The

impossibility of her escape is clear, as 8od willed it. 0ith her other hand, Catherin pushes her

off, but $mma doesn"t budge, as she empties the damn thing, slowly, savoring every drop.

Burning her. Catherin shrie!s for help, pulling li!e a mad woman, hair in disarray, tears muc!ing

up her pretty face. But &ina won"t help her7 the maid"s too shoc!ed to do something, anything,

really.

'(ios !o po.* / prayer.

'Stop6 Stop6* Tears start to escape $mma"s eyes. %ut of joy, $mma cries.

'4ow, I"ve mar!ed you too.* She says, as she sha!es the thermos empty. / pool of water

gathers around her sister"s hand, steam rising off it. It"s scalding hot. She laughs, arms sha!ing, a

genuine laugh, a first after so many years. $mma finally lets go of her sister, her own hand

trembling at the loss of contact, while placing the thermos gently on the table with the other.

0eightless. #or a while, she feels weightless.

%n her way to her room, she hears her sister"s shrie!s of pain, howling. She closes her

eyes as she tries to engrave the memory in her mind.

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&oc!ing the door, she releases a breath and a whimper that astounds her. 0ith sha!ing

fingers, she stic!s her earphones in her ears and plays a random song. She breathes in, then out,

then in again. She says a prayer, than!ing 8od for nothing in particular.

#rom the bedroom window, she stares into nothingness until her sister"s form suddenly

appears, wal!ing towards the gate. Catherin turns and loo!s at her, eyes swollen, her hand red,

glorious, blistering. $mma just stares, humming, fingers tapping to a familiar rhythm. She can"t

see her face7 to $mma, she"s just another faceless stranger passing by. $mma turns up the

volume, and closes the blinds. The sun is too bright for her eyes.

%ver the ne1t few wee!s, the Buencamino house is bustling with movement. $mma holds

a garage sale, selling boo!s and clothes from $rin"s and her own room, even when what she

really wants is to burn everything to the ground. She cuts her hair, and dyes it a dar! shade of

red. If it weren"t for the sun, people wouldn"t really see the difference. But she !nows it"s red,

and that !nowledge is enough.

She begins to date. She goes to a few movies, to the pieria down the street. (ating

e1hausts her, but she does it anyway. %n a Saturday night, she"s on her way out when her father

calls her from the foot of the stairs, wiping the sleep out of his eyes.

'$mma, where are you going)* e"s in his pajamas, feet bare, and from where she"s

standing, her father loo!s so frail and old.

'%ut. I"ll be watching a movie.*

'/lone)*

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'4o.* She says, her hand on the door !nob. #or a moment, her father"s silent. It"s the first

time he sees her leaving home without his !nowledge.

'I"m not going out with the &utero boy, 9apa. I"m not her.* is father blin!s, not

!nowing how to reply. *& 'till )o%r little girl. er father must !now it.

She turns around. Before she opens the door, her father says, '(on"t stay out late.* is

voice is not as stern as before.

/t a school fair, /nton buys her a bear, a pin! one with buttons for eyes. She doesn"t li!e

the toy, but she ta!es it anyway.

She remembers Billy from her youth, sold the wee! before. / little girl bought it for

twenty buc!s, and she couldn"t be happier. She patted the little girl"s head, as she placed the toy

in her hands. It weighs her still.

0hen she was a girl and she was scared, her sister would sleep beside her, with Billy the

bear between them. $rin would hum a song until $mma fell asleep. $rin would rub her arm, the

one she scarred, and whisper, '$verything will be o!ay. I"m here.* /nd she believed her.

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Documents

Buencamino Sisters (CW 110).docx