Cosmopolitan - August 2014 ZA

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AUGUST

FINDTH INNER

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nk pi a ionNEW WAYS TOBEAUTIFY YOURTATTOO

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SA REPORTBR A N D YOU!

T HE S ECRE T S OF MAK IN G T HE MO S T OF W HA T YOU ’ VE GO T

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www.cosmopolitan.co.za770256 028004

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The UK pop provocateur is back –and she’s as unapologetic as ever

3LILY WAS HERE

REGULARS 4 From the editor 6 COSMO contributors 38 Fun, fearless

confessions 40 Three minutes with…

Grey Damon 140 Horoscopes 141 Stockists142 COSMO inbox

Your thoughts, your tweets 144 Does stress make

you bitchy?Take our quiz to find out

COVER STORIES 32 InkspirationMake the most of your body art 44 Big it up

Why you should expectmore of yourself

50 20 side hustlesfor extra moneyWays to up your incomein your spare time

54 ‘Abortion as birth control’:NOT happening!Debunking a horrible myth

66 The sex stuff nobodytalks about – but we’regoing thereThe honest truth aboutembarrassing things

71 COSMO Fiancée FilesHe asked, you said yes.Now read this!

116 Finding (th)inner peaceStop obsessing about your weight!

B T W, y o u c a n n o w s u b s c r i b e

t o C O S M O o n y o u r t a b l e t.

V i s i t C O S M O P O L I T A N. C O. Z A

a nd s e a r c h ‘ s u b s c r i b e ’.



120 8 reasons to putyour eggs on iceWhat you needto know if you’replanning to havekids one day

122 When it’s alwayscaffeine o’clockCould coffee culturebe bad for you?

124 Body newsWays to keepyour body healthy

125 Food buzzThe skinny onfood and drink

126 Fitness buzzExercise tips forquicker results

LIFE HACKS 131 Winter home-

from-homesfor you andyour homies

132 Cosmotiseyour monthAwesome stufffor you to do,see and buy

134 Skills to roll soloCool things youreally need to

know how to do

26 Black and whiteMonochrome fashionfor under R500

28 Box cleverA reader modelssquare silhouettes

30 Fashion foreveror fashion fling?An investment piecevs a wardrobe fullof must-haves

90 It takes all sortsPick and mix thisseason’s trends

98 The shape ofthings to comeVolume is big infashion right now

YOUNIVERSE 43 Own your quirks 46 How to help a

friend in troubleYour BFF is goingthrough a tough time.Here’s what to do

58 ‘I left my boyfriendwhen he wasparalysed’A woman tells her story

LOVE LUST& OTHER STUFF 61 11 signs it’s

#forrealsies 62 You’re not needy

(you’re just withthe wrong guy)Feeling insecure?This could be why!

68 ManthropologyYour guide to themale brain

BODY LOVE 115 Nail yourworkout with these

gymming undies

FUN FEARLESSBEAUTY 9 Break out the

brights, girl!Fluorescent eye shadowsperfect for party night

10 ‘I want a crazy-fun mani (forthe first time!)’Nail art of the month

12 Stay sexy allmonth long…For under R100

14 The trend:metallic lipsWear it – and snap it!

15 #AskJuanaYour beauty Q&A

16 ‘Crap, I’mlate for work!’From PJs to polishedin 10 minutes flat

18 Right hair, right nowSwitch up your lookthe celeb way

106 ‘Help! I needbeauty rehab!’Small things youdo could lead tobig problems

110 Look hot witha hangoverQuick beauty solutions

for the morning after

FUN FEARLESSFASHION 21 Pop culture

Hip accessoriesin primary colours

22 Art schoolHow to wearbrush-stroke prints

24 Camo appearanceKhaki made sexy

25 Fun timesAn armful of watches?Yes, please!

ON OUR COVER LILY ALLENPHOTOGRAPHED BY BEN WATTS FASHION BY JAMESWORTHINGTON DEMOLETHAIR BY DANILO/THE WALL GROUPMAKEUP BY BEAU NELSON/THE WALL GROUP MANICUREBY NAOMI YASUDA/STREETERSRE CREATE HER LOOK WITH REVLON COSMETICSHER FACE AGE DEFYING FIRMING + LIFTING MAKEUP R279FRESH IVORY WITH POWDER BLUSH R185 NAUGHTY NUDE

HER EYES COLORSTAY EYE LINER R175 EACH AMETHYST AND BLACK WITHCOLORSTAY SHADOW LINKS EYE SHADOW R49 EACH EGGPLANT AND SAND,AND BOLD LACQUER MASCARA BY GROW LUSCIOUS R170 BLACKEST BLACKHER LIPS COLORBURST LIP BUTTER R145 SUGAR PLUMHER DRESS DIOR HERNECKLACE CHANEL HER BRACELETS KAREN EGREN, CZ BY KENNETH JAY LANE,NEIL LANE AND LARUICCI HER RINGS KAREN EGREN, AS29 AND DEBORAH PAGANI

136 Confessions ofa series-oholicAre you suffering from‘series syndrome’?

FIANCÉE FILE 73 Heavy metal

74 Bling on it! 76 How far wouldyou go for yourengagement selfie?

78 The best way toshow off your bling

80 How to stop thisfrom splitting you

82 How to throwan awesomeengagement party

84 Which is better: thvery short or verylong engagement?

86 Will an ultimatumsend him packing?

READER OFFE 77 Win a diamond

tennis bracelet fromAmerican Swiss

79 Win a diamond rinand stud earringsfrom Sterns

127 Subscription spec

61



4 COSMOPOLITAN | AUGUST 2014

COSMO | IMHO

P ost- orld Cup footballcomedown is rough,right? After getting

it three times a night, notgetting any at all is not #FTW.Even as a neutral, I screamed,cursed and punched theair – and my housemate’sarm – for the countries that

I was supporting during anygiven match. (Nigeria, obvs;Germany/Chile/Brazil, forhot player-related reasons;Colombia, the championsof synchronised dancing…)It’s awesome to feel part ofa team, a tribe. Thankfully,there’s never a nal whistlefor the tribe that mattersmost to me: you and theCOSMO clan. Every dayI get to be part of your life,your quirks, your fears andyour fearlessness, and I getto create a product that speaksback to you – in your language.

Twitter.com/ CosmopolitanSA

Instagram.com/ cosmopolitansa

Pinterest.com/ cosmopolitansa

Facebook.com/CosmopolitanSA

THINGS I’MCRUSHING ONTHIS MONTH

Kickin’ It

@CathyLundMedia [email protected]

Solid friendshipadvice – withbonus kittens!

All of these.Want! Now!

EmmaWatson’sbestieDouglasBooth

Sexy backbody art

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

These Zarastunnerson page 30

Which is why we’ve revamped thevamp that is COSMO to reect allthat you stand for now: originality,individuality, positivity. We did itquite quickly because, as you know,no-one’s got time to be waitingon change. But once all was doneand we poured ourselves a Bell’s,we were – we are – super-happy.

What’s changed? Not everything;just the bits that needed freshening.Our cover stars are more authenticallythemselves (like you: cool but stillcr *p-hot). We’ve introduced a regulartattoo page (shock, horror … not!)to show you the best way to beautifyand show off your marking, or inspireyou if you’re thinking of getting one.Our new Backstage Pass page notonly gives you insights into the latestbeauty trends but also which Instagramlters work best with which looks –because ‘life is waiting … but rst,a sele’. Our (award-winning, no

less) art director Juan has injectedincredible energy and fun into thepages. But I’m not going to giveit all away here. Look for yourself,and let me know what you think!

BECOME PARTOF THE TRIBE





LYNN CUPIDOCOSMO’s digital intern.Aspiring writer trying totake over the World WideWeb. Find her stories at

Cosmopolitan.co.za .WHAT SURPRISEDYOU MOST ABOUTTHE COSMO OFFICE?How it can go fromquiet to busy (andloud!) in a second.

WHAT FOOD COULD YOU NEVER LIVE WITHOUT? Avo – it needs to go on everything .

WORDS TO LIVE BY: ‘Do not do to others whatyou do not want done to yourself’ (Confucius)

PIA HAMMONDCOSMO’s senior designer. Animal lover.Whisky drinker. Film buff. Funny gal. Findher design layouts throughout the magazine.WHAT ARE THE MOST FABULOUS ITEMSIN YOUR WARDROBE?

A vintage CK dress passed downto me by my mother, and Ferragamoboots I found in a second-hand store.WHAT’S THE MOST EMBARRASSING ITEM?

My slipper collection. Not ‘hawt’.WHAT PAGE WILL YOU READ FIRST IN THIS ISSUE?

‘Black and white’ on page 26, then‘Abortion as birth control: not happening!’on page 54 straight a erwards.

JUSTINPOLKEYPicture taker. Loverof all things beautiful.Find his fashion shooton page 90.

HOW DID YOU MANAGETO TURN PHOTOGRAPHYINTO A CAREER?

With great

timing andtotal belief.There was noother realityfor me.WHO WOULD YOULOVE TO PHOTOGRAPHTHAT YOU HAVEN’T YET?

There areso manypeople stillon that list.ChristopherWalkenspringsto mind.IF YOU HADA SUPERPOWER,WHAT WOULD IT BE?

To y!

THE TEAMEditor

Deputy editor Managing editor

Art director Art editor

Senior designer Picture editor

Content producer Junior features writer

Chief copy editor Copy editor

Beauty editor Beauty assistantFashion director

Contributing fashion editor Fashion assistants

Digital content producer Business development manager

Events manager Production controller

Senior sales executives

Sales executiveCOSMOPOLITAN websiteCOSMOPOLITAN mobile

Cathy LundAnn Ellis BrownMelissa AttridgeJuan GeelShirley PadiPia HammondDanielle KarallisZama NkosiLerato BokakoAnia RokitaCandice QuintonJuana ParathyrasMegan MuscuttPoppy Evans

Bev NatesBrodi DeereTaryn Aziz (Johannesburg)Mimi ThurgoodSamantha AfricaChantelle HayesTheo ErnestLebogang Thokoane (Johannesburg)Sivan GurlandMbali Boleu (Johannesburg)Cosmopolitan.co.zam.cosmopolitan.co.za

Fi h Floor, Associated Media Publishing,21 St John’s Street, Gardens,Cape Town 8001, 021 464 6200First Floor, South Wing,No 3 Sandown Valley Crescent,Sandton 2196, 011 783 5500On The Dot 0861 000 423;foreign subscribers: +27 11 401 5956 ; [email protected]/subscriptions (tablet)www.assocmedia.co.za

Jane RaphaelyJulia RaphaelyVanessa RaphaelyRebecca Whisson-SmedaMatt LoyZani BotesLisa StrachanKarla LevickJan BeyleveldtJaco-Louis GroenewaldMichelle JoubertLauren BeukesThando MxutuJulia PretoriusSharlee WurdemanMelvin OllewagenJessica CohenJolize AschmannKylie JanssenKaren PhelanLorraine LinesMarcelle MaggottChanelle CogillAshleigh EalesTeresa van der BankSharon RajeeJames WightKathy GrahamLynford BakerShantel PeskinZaibu IsaacsMerle PittsMeagan Dowman

Janine DuncanAzraa GarnieIrene Bosch (Johannesburg)Janine BrownCarol BergandalTrevor GoodallFelicia BurtZahieda GrobbelaarSamson Mtonga

Hearst Magazines International President/CEO: Duncan Edwards. Senior vice president/CFO/General manager: Simon Horne. Senior vice president/Director of licencing and businessdevelopment: Gautam Ranji. Senior vice president/International publishing director: Jeannette

Chang. Senior vice president/Editorial director: Kim St Clair Bodden. Executive director/Editorial:Astrid O Bertoncini. Creative director: Peter Yates. Fashion/Entertainment director: Kristen Ingersoll.

Senior international editions editor: Marion Collins. International editions editors: JacquelynGalgey and Shahrzad Golchin. Editor-in-chief, Cosmopolitan (1965-1997): Helen Gurley Brown.

Editors of international editions Argentina: María José Grillo. Armenia: HrachuhiUtmazyan. Australia: Bronwyn McCahon. Azerbaijan: Aygun Mustafayeva. Brazil: MonicaGailewitch. Bulgaria: Detelina Stamenova. Chile: Ignacia Uribe. China: Vera Xu. Croatia:

Marjana Filipovic-Grcic. Cyprus: Stalo Papanastasiou. Czech Republic: Sabrina Karasova.Estonia: Mari-Liis Helvik. Finland: Miina Lange. France: Sylvie Overnoy. Germany: KerstinWeng. Greece: Lydia Papaioannou. Hong Kong: Ruqiyah Law Kam Ying. Hungary: JohannaSabján. India: Nandini Bhalla. In donesia: Fira Basuki. Italy: Francesca Delogu. Kazakhstan:

Maya Akisheva. Korea: Hyun Joo Kim. Latin America: Ana Victoria Taché. Latvia: Santa

Kristiana Zamuele. Lithuania: Violeta Kalikauskiene. Malaysia: Eena Houzyama. MiddleEast: Sonja Stephen. Mongolia: Khaliuna Bold. Netherlands: Anne Marije de Vries Lentsch.Philippines: Myrza Sison. Poland: Hanna Wolska. Portugal: Sandra Mauricio. Romania:

Gabriela Zavaleanu. Russia: Alexandra Badanina, Polina Sokhranova. Serbia: Nasja Veljkovic.Singapore: Jo Upcra . Slovenia: Manca Campa. Spain: Lala Herrero. Taiwan: Min Chun Chang.Thailand: Pimsiri Jaiya. Turkey: Ozlem Kotan. UK: Louise Court. Ukraine: Anna Zemskova.

US: Joanna Coles. US/Hispanic: Ana Victoria Taché. Vietnam: Nguyen Mai Phuong.

Head office: 21 St John’s Street, Cape Town 8001. PO Box 5355, Cape Town 8000; 021 464 6200 (Editorial/Promotions), [email protected] .

On The Dot helpline 0861 000 423, [email protected];subscriptions 0861 000 423 (SA), +27 11 401 5956 (international), fax 086 534 4704.

If you cannot nd COSMOPOLITAN at your local store,e-mail [email protected] .

THE PROPRIETOR AND PUBLISHER OF COSMOPOLITAN ISJVR & ASSOCIATES PTY LTD, 21 ST JOHN’S STREET, CAPE TOWN 8001.

REPRODUCTION: HIRT & CARTER

ChairmanManaging director

Content director Group publisher: sales

Head of digitalDigital content strategist

Group marketing manager Digital marketing manager

Subscriptions data manager Customer loyalty & relationship manager

Marketing designer Marketing design assistant

Customer relations consultantGroup digital sales manager

Online traffic controller Senior developer

Digital design developer Events manager

Events sales assistantMedia strategist

Production manager Human resources manager

Human resources and payroll officer Senior designer: group special projects

Syndication manager Syndication coordinator

IT manager Financial accountant

Group advertising controller Advertising controller

Credit controllers

Debtors controller Managing director’s PA/

Production assistantOffice manager/Editorial director’s PA

Office manager/Media assistantReception

Clerical officer Clerical assistant/Driver

Housekeeping

Head office (Cape Town)

Johannesburg bureau

Subscriptions and back copies

Company website




F O R M U L A T E D B Y P O N D ’ S I N S T I T U T E

Dark marks, ne lines and wrinkles are all signs of ageing.Prevent the signs of ageing before they start to appear.

START USING POND’S AGE MIRACLE TODAY

LOOK CLOSER. TAKE THE POND’S AGE TEST.

HAS YOUR SKINSTARTED AGEING?

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Reduces ne lines and wrinkles.

Reduces dark marks and age spots.

Brightens dull skin.

Look up to 10 years youngerVisit your nearest POND’S Beauty Advisor today and put us to the test .

facebook.com/PONDSSouthAfrica • twitter.com/PONDS_SA • www.PONDS.co.za





Fun, Fearless

EDITED BY JUANA PARATHYRAS

12

4

3

5

6

7

BREAK

OUT THE BRIGHTS, GIRL!

We can’tstop ravingabout theseuorescent,party-perfecteye shadows

1 Dior DiorshowMono Eye Shadow(R410) IT-Purple2 Chanel OmbreEssentielle SoTouch Eyeshadow(R435) Exaltation3 MAC Eye ShadowMatte (R180) Orange4 CK One Color Powder EyeshadowQuad (R420) Amazon5 MAC Eye ShadowMatte (R180) ChromeYellow 6 MAC EyeShadow Satin (R180)Kelly7 MAC EyeShadow Satin (R180)Electric Eel

One of three CK One

beauty hampers worthR2 145 each. Go to

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA /WIN to enter.

P R I C E S

C O R R E C T

A T

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G O I N G

T O

P R E S S

P R I C E S

A R E

R E C O M M E N D E D

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P R I C E S



A CRAZY FUNMANI

‘I Want

When we heard there were still nail-art virgins in the world,we called on nail artist Simcha Whitehill to handle the situation

Now Add These Stacking Rings R349,

Accessorize

PICK UPSTICKS

NAIL IT Paint nails nude(and pinkies coral). Add onthe moons, tips and bubbles.A striping brush or thinpaintbrush will keepyour designs precise.

THE REVEAL ‘Simchapromised sophisticated,work-friendly nail art –and totally delivered.’ ■

CHICSHAPES

FROM TOP: Nails Inc NailPolish (R110 at Edgars) StJohn’s Wood; Essence Colour& Go (R19,95) Flashy Pumpkin;Revlon Nail Enamel (R120)White On White;Essence TipPainter (R22,95) Natural White

Wet & Wild Fast DryNail Color (R39,95)The Wonder Years;

Essence Nail ArtTattoo Pen (R34,95)

Zoya Nail Polish(R140) Cho;

Essie Nail Polish(R119) Capri

NAIL IT Apply whitepolish, leaving a semi-circle of exposed nailat the base. With astriping brush, paintrandom intersectinglines with blue, yellowand coral polish. Applya top coat and press astar at the base of eachnail while still wet.

THE REVEAL ‘They’rea great conversationstarter – perfect forthe fashion biz.’

(FOR THEFIRST TIME!)’

Hanna*, 22,

fashion assistant

Pia*, 26,copywriter

R199,Topshop

R169, Accessorize

R249, Accessorize

NAIL IT Make happy-faceyellow even more fun witha white base, which makes

any colour more vibrant.Draw the face shapeswith nail-art pens.

THE REVEAL ‘Customersloved my mani so much, myboss suggested making itpart of our hosts’ uniforms!’

Stephanie*, 27,restaurant servicedirector

THE EMOJIMANI


Beauty | Nail Art

FOR AN EASY, STEP BY STEP VIDEO GUIDE TO CREATING THE ‘PICK USTICKS’ MANI, SEARCH‘PICK UP STICKS’ ATCOSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

DIY IT! Make your own striping brushby cutting an old nail-polish brush.

Divide the bristles into two sections. One should bethin – that will become the striping brush. Cut therest of the bristles (the second section) off as close

to the base of the brush as possible. Dip and paint!



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sallyhansen.com

MIRACLE TREATMENT

It’s a miracle right before your eyes!

Up your strength 40% in 3 days with Miracle Cure .*

Lengthen in 5 days with Nailgrowth Miracle .**

Get instantly harder, thicker nails

with Miracle Nail Thickener .

Sometimes a girl has to make her own miracles.



Beauty | On a Budget

Prime Time This lightly tinted primeruses a green pigment tohelp disguise blemishesand redness by neutralisingthe red hues in your skin.Sweep it on beforefoundation and concealer.

Pucker Up What’s betterthan a lip balmthat doubles asa lipstick? Thischubby pen coatslips in colour whilekeeping themmoisturised. It’s ahandbag staple! ■

EssenceColour FlashVolumeMascara(R47,95) 02

Eylure KatyPerry Lashes(R89,95 each)Oh, My! andOh, Honey!

Avon Always On Point Eyeliner(R99,95) Molten Emerald

Catrice Prime And Fine Anti-Red Base (R77,95)

Rimmel LastingFinish ColourRush IntenseColour Balm(R99,95 each)All You NeedIs Pink andGive MeA Cuddle

NAILED IT!Thank goodness we have Henry Holland to keep

our nails as mention-worthy as our clothes. His collabwith Elegant Touch is going strong – and we love the

latest designs, all user-friendly and long-wearing.House Of Holland Nailed by Elegant Touch (R89,95) Block Heads

Blue CrushWe’re totally obsessed with blue

mascara – it brings out eye colourand makes the whites appear

whiter. No more blah eyes!

TO THEPOINT

Stuck with blunteyeliner and no

sharpener? That’swhy we love thiseyeliner by Avon.

The lid has a built-insharpener – everytime you twist the

cap closed, itsharpens the

pencil. Genius!

INSTA-GLAMIf you’ve been dealt a skimpy

set of lashes, you’ll agree thatthrowing on a set of falsies on

special occasions (or everyday – no judgment here!)makes all the difference.

#BEAUTYBARGAIN

YY

F o r u n d e r R 10 0



IGNITETHE SPARK...

Alluring, captivating, irresistible.

Get ready for sparks to y with

…with fragrance that whispers hold me

and skin that says caress me.



FOR A VIDEO GUIDE ON HOW TO WEAR METALLIC LIPSSEARCH‘METAL LIPS’ ATCOSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

LipsWe spied this edgy trend backstageat a 2014 Rodarte show. Here’show to wear – and snap! – it best

Metallic IF YOU’RE OPTING FOR FULL METAL LIPS…

‘Fair skin suits champagnes and soft golds,while darker skin tones are better in wineand mocha,’ says CK One Color expertAmanda Mirarchi.TOO MUCH? ‘Try a shimmery gloss for asubtle take,’ says Mirarchi – or apply glossjust to the centre of the bottom lip. ‘Thisreects light, making lips appear bigger.’If you’re game for colour, get a ‘stained’effect by pressing lipstick on with a nger.TOO LITTLE? ‘After lipstick, apply a metalliceye shadow or pigment from the centre ofyour lips, blending outwards,’ says Mirarchi.Choose a soft shimmer rather than chunkyglitter, which can look too ‘costume party’.

Selfie-Centred

Lo-FiDramatic metallic lips are ideal#sele material– the darker the better! The only shine should beon your lips, so make sure you apply sheer settingpowder to your nose and forehead. Add a bit ofgloss before you snap for a fuller-looking pout.■

OU R F A V E F IL T E R

F OR T H IS L OOK : L o - F i

MAC FrostLipstick(R190)BronzeShimmer

Maybelline ColorSensational PearlsLipstick (R110)Golden Pearl

Inglot AMCPure PigmentEye Shadow(R209) 23

Revlon Super LustrousLip Gloss (R120)Berry Allure

Inglot Lipstick(R169) 161

These top models have greatsele rep. Steal their secretsfor the double-tap you desire

Full-silver lips aren’t

attering on most. If youwant to try this look, limit

it to a shimmery glossover a pink lipstick.

JOURDANDUNNNatural,

messy curlsare makingwaves. Spritzwith sea-saltspray for texture,then add serumfor gloss.@offi cialjdunn

GEORGIAMAY JAGGERColour drawsthe eye andis a great wayto distract from

aws – so makeyour best featurethe focal point(red lips, deeplysmoky eyes).

@GeorgiaMayJagger

CHANEL IMANDust highlighteron high planesof your face(cheekbones,browbonesand the bridgeof the nose)to catch thelight and makeyou glow.@chaneliman

Beauty | Backstage Pass

THE TREND

THE FILTER



Beauty | Q&A

How do I makemy lashes longer with mascara?I’m doing it

wrong. Help! FEDI KATZIA

Use more than onemascara. Apply two coatsof thickening mascara, thenlayer lengthening mascaraover that – you’ll build lengthinto lashes.

Are toners necessary? KESHIA JUNGBAHADUR

Toners used to have a bum rap, buttoday they are hydrating and packedwith active ingredients. Find one that

suits your skin type.

I’ve tried everything toget rid of my pimplesand blackheads but they won’t go away. What should I do?

LINEO PHAFOLI

Choose a cleanser with salicylic acidto keep pores clear. Only use makeupthat states it’s noncomedogenic (won’tclog pores), and exfoliate regularly.

Gosh GrowthMascara(R149)Black

Maybelline The Colossal GoExtreme! Volum’Mascara (R125)Very Black

EucerinSunCremeTinted(R170)

Maybelline Clear SmoothAll In OneShine FreeCake Powder(R79,95) Cacao

The products we just had

to try this month

Clarins Extra-ComfortAnti-PollutionCleansingCream (R365)‘Thick, creamy

and very luxurious, it stillrinses off easily and nixesall my makeup – even themascara! It’s great if you livein the city because it activelyghts off the damagingeffects of pollution.’– Juana Parathyras,COSMO beauty editor

Vaseline Dry SkinRepair (R22,99)‘My skin is veryso thanks tothe tiny droplets

of Vaseline jelly that are nowinfused into this cream. Plusit smells amazing – and it’sso affordable.’– Megan Muscutt,COSMO beauty assistant

Dove NourishingOil Care DeepRepair TreatmentMask (R58,99)‘This treatment mask

puts life back into the bleached partsof my hair – it’s silky and so , andit has a great, polished shine.’– Kelly Paitaki,COSMO reader andmakeup artist ■

GOT A BEAUTY Q? TWEET US WITH THEHASHTAG#ASKJUANA @COSMOPOLITANSA

PHOTOGRAPHY

GREATSTOCK/CORBIS ,RIANA V

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#ASKJUANACOSMO’s beauty editor answers your mostburning questions – in 25 words or less!

When shouldI start using anti-ageing products?

EMMA DEETLEFS

Prevention is betterthan cure! Chooseproducts that addressyour skin’s needsand invest in solidsun protection –SPF30+ every day!

Garnier So eningToner GoodbyeDry… (R59,95)

Garnier RefreshingToner StartAfresh(R59,95)

Garnier FreshRening TonerShine BeGone! (R59,95)

AUGUST 2014 |COSMOPOLITAN 15




Beauty | Hacks

‘Crap, I’m Late for

ork!’ Overslept? Go from PJs

to polished in 10 minutes atby doing the bare minimumat home and adding a fewdiscreet touches at work

Clinique SuperdefenseDaily DefenseMoisturiser

SPF 20 (R535)

L’Oréal LumiMagiqueLight InfusingFoundation(R210) Beige

L’Oréal ProfessionelWild Stylersby Tecni.ArtCrêpage deChignon(R279)

Le BlushCrèmede Chanel (R485)Présage

R e l a x ! I t t a k e s o n l y a f e w p r o d u c t s t o l o o k p r o f e s s i o n a l

Batiste DryShampoo(R64,99)Fruity &CheekyCherry

MAC StrobeLiquidLotion(R335)

Badger Lip Tint &Shimmer(R89, 25)Copper& OpalShimmer

Fendi L’Acquarossa(R1 180 for

50ml EDP)

Catrice SmokeyEyes Pencil(R34,95) TheBlack Earl

LancômeHypnôse StarWaterproofMascara(R355)

Optive Plus Triple-ActionSolution (R81,16)

Quench skin. You know how youcrave water in the morning? Yourskin’s desperate for a drink too –

especially if you skimped on sleep.Look alive. Rehydrate bloodshoteyes with drops before bringingpotentially irritating makeupanywhere near them.

Wake up your face. ‘Liquidfoundation reverses the lookof tired skin almost instantly,’says makeup artist Troy Jensen.Dot it in the centre of your face,and blend outwards.

Perk up with peach. Coral blushwill help mask dullness, saysJensen. Cream formulas melt intofoundation and can be dabbed onwhile you brush your teeth.

Work with the bed-head.‘Mist hair with texturising sprayand plait it into a side braid,’ sayshairstylist Greg Cassese. It looksgood and sets the scene for amore stylish, work-appropriatelook later.

Add dimension. Pat creamyhighlighter on cheekbonesand lids. It attracts light, hiding

dullness and shadows. Bonus:cheekbones look higher withoutmuch effort.

Keep it simple and smudgy. Double-ended shadow linerslet you create subtle (read:easy) denition with a pencilor shadow-lled sponge tip.Finish with mascara.

Bring out the balm. Busymornings are all about tintedlip balms – they’re quick and

comforting, and require lessprecision than lipstick.

Finish your style. Undo thebraid, tousle hair with ngersfor texture and blast roots withdry shampoo for extra volume.

Scent yourself. Keep a fresh,work-friendly fragrance at yourdesk for days (like this!) whenperfuming yourself at home isthe last thing on your mind. ■

At Home: Prep These products go on fast, require zero precisionand work their magic during your commute.

At Work: PolishA little detailing and you’re ready to shineat your 10am staff meeting.





Stuck in a hair rut? These ve celebsswitched up their looks – why don’t you?RIGHT NOW

Beauty | Great Hair

The model usually rocks a collarbone-grazing crop, thoughshe added fullness with extensions for a recent red-carpetevent. Adding length is easy: try clip-in extensions that arethe same colour as your hair.

Lea Michele Rihanna

Margot Robbie Shailene Woodley

Chrissy Teigen


The Glee actress awlessly demonstrates a great styling trickto hide a fringe – straighten hair, slick back the top section withpomade, and pin in place. Spritz with hairspray to nish.

She loves switching up her style and colour – most recentlyto striking pink. If you’re going for this, make sure you keepit edgy with choppy strands that frame your face.

She received mixed reportsfor heading over to the darkside. We like it! Blonde girlsconsidering this change: tintyour brows in a complementaryhue so they don’t get lost in theoverall look.

She bravely went from long,to short, to even shorter (andblonder) with this pixie crop.Avoid it if you have a roundor oval face – and if you getbored easily, because it takesa good year to grow out! ■



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Fashion | Runway to Reader

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

What was your last fashion purchase?A wallet from Call It Spring.Who is your fashion crush?

I have so many but I would have to say Rihanna– she is so effortlessly gorgeous and everythinglooks incredible on her.What are your favourite blogs to follow?Travelwithlamb.com for all my travelling thrillsand Daretoblair.co.za for everything fashion.Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat or Twitter– and why?Has to be Facebook and Instagram – I’maddicted. Twitter and Snapchat just aren’tmy cup of tea.What is your favouriteforeign destination?I recently went to Italy, Croatia, Greece andMontenegro with my boyfriend, and I don’tthink I could choose which ranked highest!

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3 WAYSTO DRESS YOURUPPER BACKTATTOOShowcase yourstrategically placed inkso it’s your best accessory

YES

LESLEY MARCHANTI don’t have tattoos but I admire womenwho aunt their ink. Tats are not as tabooas they used to be – like the clothes wewear, they’re a form of self-expressionand should be welcome in the workplace.

The Big Debate NO

XOLISWA XOLIE SHANGASESome tattoos may be offensive to other

cultures, and upset colleagues or clients.I have two tattoos; no-one at work even

knows about them. They have sentimentalvalue for me , not for the whole world. ■

Should you show your tattoo at work?

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1 A long pendant necklace wornback to front is the best way to

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way that’s feminine and supersexy.

3 Halter-necks will draw attentionexactly where you want it – just

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TWEET US A PIC OF YOUR TATTOO@COSMOPOLITANSA #COSMOINK32 COSMOPOLITAN | AUGUST 2014

CARA DELEVINGNE

THE WEDDING DATESentimental but not overlyso, this also looks great

inked on the side ofthe nger.

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THE INFINITY SYMBOLIt’s such an elegant wayto symbolise the bondbetween two people.

Fashion | Inkspiration

Wedding-BandTattoos Show your love

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34 COSMOPOLITAN | AUGUST 2014 COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

It’s been eight yearssince Lily Allen wonthe world over with

her infectious hitSmile .With her new album,

Sheezus , the UK’s top popprovocateur is back, andas unapologetic as ever.By Maria Elena Barnabi

COSMO | Cover Star



The secretto making arelationshiplast is being

in love .. ❛

❛






YOU’RE A REAL FIGHTER. ANDHARD OUT THERE , WHERE YOUSING ‘DON’T NEED TO SHAKEMY ASS FOR YOU ’CAUSE I’VEGOT A BRAIN’, HAS BECOME

A FEMINIST ANTHEM.This song is my perspective.I think that women still experiencetoo many injustices at work,in personal relationships andin the media. Men and womenare treated in a much differentway. Too many double standards!Things should change.WHICH WOMEN INSPIRE YOU?There are so many: politicians,musicians, artists. And then mymother, my sister, my friends…I’m really proud of them.

WHO ARE YOUR CLOSEST FRIENDS?Those I’ve known since I wasa child, like Miquita [Oliver,a UK television presenter]and Jessica – she is mydaughters’ godmother.

AND WITHIN SHOW BIZ?I often hear from Adele. Andthen I have friendly relationshipswith many other people but I preferto keep that part of my life private.Friendships are based on emotions.They are private…IS THERE ANY ARTIST YOUWOULD LIKE TO WORK WITH?I’ve never made a list. If someoneI admire asked me to work withthem, I’d denitely think about it.But I’m trying to do what I’m doingon my own, without counting onanyone else. I like it that way.YOU’RE QUITE A FASHIONTRENDSETTER. BACK IN 2006YOUR DISTINGUISHING FEATURESWERE A HIGH BUN, EYELINER

AND PROM DRESSES WITHSNEAKERS THREE TRENDS

THAT ARE HUGE THIS YEAR.WHAT ABOUT TODAY? WHAT

ARE THE TRENDS TO FOLLOW?I have no idea! Back thenI used to wear what I liked,which is exactly what I’m doingnow. I change my style every day– I don’t really have a specic style.I think this is what you should dowith fashion – you only have towear what you feel comfortablewith. It’s just clothes, isn’t it? ■ P

H O T O G R A P H Y

B E N

W A T T S

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA




Fun, Fearless

CarTrouble

Next time you go out,you might be better offtaking the bus…

THE BURNING BUSH‘On my way back from a festival,I drove over a giant pothole. The

car began rattling and smellingof smoke so, panicked, I made anemergency stop at a petrol station.I told them the whole story withall the drama I could muster – soit was really embarrassing whenthe rattling turned out to be a half-empty tin of sweets I’d left on theoor, and the smell a plastic bagmelting on the exhaust pipe. I guessI should clean my car more often…’– LIZ*, 27

Think twice beforegetting it on in your car– you never know who

could be watching!

Unlucky Brake ‘My male friends still think jokes about female driversare hilarious. One day, I agreedto give them a li to the bar– cue “hilarious” banter. AsI set off, I could tell somethingwasn’t right. It felt like the carwas ghting against me, and

the sniggering in the back didn’thelp. A er about ve minutesat a snail’s pace and insistingmy driving wasn’t the problem,the truth dawned – I’d le thehandbrake on. They never,ever let me forget it.’– EMMA*, 26

LAW ANDDISORDER‘My boyfriend andI both live withour parents, sowe decided to usethe car for “personaltime”. We parkedin what looked likea dark, secludedspot so we wouldn’tbe interrupted –but, after a while,there was a tapon the windowand the voice of apoliceman askingme to wind downthe (steamed-up)window. I openedit a tiny bit (I wasnaked), only to beadvised to “nish

up” somewheremore private. Turnsout we were outsidethe local communitycentre and hadbeen spotted bymembers of anamateur dramasociety rehearsingthere. Oh dear…’– SUZIE*, 29

Epic Fail ‘A er many driving lessons, I was barelycompetent but still went for a test. On theday, I was so nervous that I crashed into aparked car outside the test centre. I nishedthe test (which, of course, I failed), then myinstructor made us look for the car I’d hit toleave our details. We couldn’t nd it. “I can’tremember where it was, I was concentratingon driving!” I said. His face was a picture.’– CARLA*, 30

GONE WITH A BANG‘My old car’s engine exploded. On the highway.On Christmas Day. The roads were deserted,so we got chairs, booze and chocolates (otherpeople’s gifts) from the boot and sat wearingSanta hats. Thankfully, a guy driving a towtruck came along and gave us a lift, plus abottle of red wine in the spirit of Christmas.We were pretty tipsy by dinner time!’– LUCY*, 32 ■





Two of the series you’ve acted in– Star-Crossed and True Blood –have had a sci-/fantasy element.

Do you like fantasy? Do you thinkyou have a good imagination?I love sci-. I grew up watching RidleyScott’s Alien with my father; it’s alwayssort of been a tradition to watch the Alien icks. My family is made up of paintersand photographers so I’d say I’m at leasta little creative.

What does romance mean to you?I believe that romance keeps a relationshipspiced up. To me, it means showing thatspecial someone that they’re special −learning about them, getting as closeas possible, doing everything you canto make them happy and ... well, makethem feel special!

Grayson (your character inStar-Crossed ) is a complex guy.Would you describe yourself ascomplex, or are you a ‘what yousee is what you get’ kind of guy?I think I could denitely be less complexat times but I also think it’s okay to bea little complex − to not always be sureand not always jump right in.

In an interview, you said thatplaying Grayson helped you tobe a better guy. What does beinga good guy mean to you?I think a good guy is really just someonewho’s always trying to be better than hewas the day before and wants good thingsfor everyone, not just himself. I’d say I tryto do that. ■

ckon t e hassent straight from heaven!

Y A O

lO

WHO ARE YOU OBSESSED WITH? TWEET @COSMOPOLITANSA #COSMOGUY AND YOU COULD SEE HIM ON THI S PAGE!

I believe thatromance

keeps arelationshipspiced up ❛

❛


COSMO | Three Minutes with…



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Fun, Fearless

You-nique You know what nobody likes? Cookie-cutterpersonalities. Your quirks make you unique,

even when they’re slightly embarrassing.Embracing them shows that you’re comfortable

with who you are, and that’s always a win.

Centre stage The parts of you that are different will always

make you stand out. Think Lady Gaga orErykah Badu – both wonderfully quirky,they never drown in the sea of clones.

Use your quirks to shine in your career,love life and social situations.

Oh-so-effortless You know how some people are not likeablebecause they try too hard? That can’t happen

when you’re being yourself. When you’re being

you, you don’t have to remember to act acertain way, which leaves a lot of room

for fun and living in the moment.

A world of quirks When you stop hiding from your quirks,

you’ll discover a whole new world. It will leadto meeting like-minded people and doing thekind of stuff you’re into. Isn’t that much coolerthan fake fun with people who don’t know thereal you? Try it. Your quirky friends-to-be are

waiting for you to come out and play! ■

Quir s

Own Your

Those things about you thatare a bit on the weird sideshouldn’t be hidden. Show

off your quirks and see just how freeing it can be

P H O T O G R A P H Y

M I C H A E L

H E F F E R N A N / G E T T Y

I M A G E S / G A L L O

I M A G E S

T E X T

Z A M A

N K O S I



BIG

UPIt

Expect more of yourself– and you’ll get more.By Glynis Horning



YOUniverse | Life Coach



G R E A T S T O C K / T R U N K A R C H I V E

. C O M / C H R I S

C R A Y M E R

True happiness rests on taking thetalent you were born with and theknowledge and skills you’ve acquired,and using them fully for a purpose thatmakes you feel worthwhile by your owninternal standards, says behaviouralscientist Denis Waitley, author of TheWinner’s Edge . And the key to this

is self-expectation. ‘There never wasa winner who didn’t expect to win inadvance,’ he says. ‘Winners understandthat life is a self-fullling prophecy.’They expect a good day, a raise, to nda parking space, a good relationship– ‘and they usually get them’.

There’s science behind this. Ourbodies produce endorphins, chemicalsthat reduce unpleasant stimuli andgive us feelings of wellbeing – andresearch suggests our expectationsshape this. Waitley quotes a studywhere actors were wired to electrodesand asked to perform scenes. Whenthey played angry characters, theirendorphin levels dropped – but whenthe scenes called for them to showjoy or love, the levels shot up.

Bottom line? ‘What you ask for iswhat you get,’ says Jo’burg life coachNia Maritz, MD of Corporate Mentor.If you don’t ask, you won’t get – evenfrom yourself. Stop saying ‘I can’t do X’or ‘I suck at Y’. Expect more of yourselfand life – and you will make it happen.

To reach new heights you need to

push yourself – often. ‘If you don’t, howwill you know how far you can go?’ asksCraig Jarrow, author of You Are StrongerThan You Think . These steps can help:

1 Recognise that you aredisappointing yourself.

Do you have a sense of dissatisfactionwith your efforts in life? It’s a sign youhave expectations of yourself that youare not meeting, says business coachAnnie Sisk of Pajamaproductivity.com .

2 Be clear about what youexpect of yourself in each

area of your life – work, relationships,creativity, health, tness. Write it down.‘We’re quick to say, “If it goes wrong,I’ll do X”,’ says Maritz. ‘What if it goesright? How successful can you be?’

3 Decide on your mostimportant expectation

in each area, and tackle one aspectof it every day. Dare yourself to dosomething new or extra, Maritz says.This could be signing up for a coursein preparation for that promotion ortransfer you’re after; running an extratwo kilometres tonight in preparationfor entering your rst Comrades orclimbing Kilimanjaro; or baking a

cake for your colleagues in anticipationof entering MasterChef South Africa .

4 Use the satisfactionand endorphin rush you

get from accomplishing each step topower the next one, building condenceand having a blast along the way.‘Finding excitement and what you loveis in the discovery of accomplishing atask,’ says Maritz. ‘You may not enjoyall of it – but focusing on the partsyou do enjoy will bring insight.’

5 When you trip up, whichyou will, remember that tripping

is just a lesson in disguise, she says.

Use it to make you stronger, and pushon with a smile. Smiles will help youfeel better and draw others to you,helping your progress.

6 U

se positive self-talk – ‘I can do this’, ‘I will succeed’ –and visualisation. See yourself fulllingyour expectations, says Maritz: ‘AsHenry Ford said, whether you think youcan or you think you can’t, you’re right.’With belief in yourself you can achievethings that astonish you, as youcontinue to stretch your boundaries.

When Ola Orekunrin graduatedfrom medical school, she had alreadyachieved more than she expected.But she went on to publish a medicaltextbook to help other students. This

convinced her she could do anything,so she signed up for ying classes andgot her helicopter pilot’s licence. Thenshe ditched the comfort zone of a solidmedical career in the UK where she wasworking, sold her possessions, andew to Nigeria to start West Africa’srst air-ambulance service. (Beforethat, South Africa was the closestsource of help.) She now heads a eetof light aircraft and medics – and lastyear, at 26, made the World EconomicForum list of Young Global Leaders.

‘True success is about a passion tocreate a better world, and living a lifethat you can look back on and be trulyproud of,’ she said in an interview.

I

t’s important to embraceyourself, aws and all– but when it comes toyour life goals, don’t riskcomplacency by sinkinginto a comfort zone. Time

to kick ass with some healthyself-expectations!

FIND IT HARD TO BELIEVE IN YOUR ABILITIES? FOR POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS,SEARCH ‘GET MORE FROM YOURSELF’ AT COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

…BUT KEEP IT REAL!THERE’S A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN GIVING YOURSELF A HEALTHY NUDGEAND PUSHING YOURSELF TO THE POINT OF BREAKDOWN

DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK YOUREXPECTATIONS ARE REALISTIC?

Ask them, remembering they may haveagendas or biases of their own – or aska coach, says life coach Nia Maritz.

DO YOU WAKE EACH DAY WORRYINGTHAT YOU WON’T ACHIEVE ALL YOUHAVE SET YOURSELF?

If shi ing deadlines or sharing the loadwon’t do it, you may need to reconsider.

DO YOU BALK AT ASKING FOROUTSIDE HELP OR ADVICE?

You’re putting unnecessary pressure onyourself – probably because you sensethat you’re out of your depth.

DO YOU FEEL UNHAPPYAND UNFULFILLED?

You may be expecting too much fromyour job, relationship or whatever you’reworking on. Re-evaluate what your trueinterests and passions are, says RhondaBritten, author of Fearless Living . ‘Peoplewho are pursuing their dreams, interestsand passions are happier than thosewho are not.’ ■



HOW TOHELP

INTROUBLE

When a pal is going through something really tough,you want to be there for her – but you might not feel

sure about how to approach her or what supportshe needs. We spoke to some real BFFs who’ve

been there to pinpoint exactly how you can beFriend of the Year when your bud really needs you.

BY ANDREA BARTZ


YOUniverse | Friendships

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA



I'm really struggling…

I 'v e g o t y o u r b a c k!



SHE HAS A SELFDESTRUCTIVE HABITLucy*, 24 and Gcina**, 24

LUCYI was 16 when my dad died. It hit the whole family very hard. My momwas inconsolable and unable to be there for me or my sisters. I started avoidinghome because I couldn’t bear to see her like that. I met an older guy who startedtaking me out on the town, and before long my life became an endless roundof partying, drinking and drugs. I don’t know how I managed to pass matricand get into varsity, but for seven years I was almost permanently out of it.Eventually, no-one wanted to be around me. That woke me up.

GCINA When I arrived in Cape Town to go to UCT, I shared a room with Lucy.She was my rst and just about only friend. We got on very well and had a lotof fun but I always knew she drank far too much and liked living on the edge.By winter, I was very worried about her – no-one was partying except for her,

and I’d seen her out of control and passed out way too many times.

LUCY I knew I was in trouble but didn’t know how to help myself. My old friendshad cut me off. The only people I saw, apart from Gcina, were those I partiedwith – and they were worse than me, so I kept telling myself I wasn’t that bad.

GCINAI didn’t want to make her defensive so I didn’t lecture her about beingan addict and an alcoholic. I tried to get her to focus on how much she was goodat; her hopes, dreams and goals. I thought if she got red up about wantingto accomplish stuff, she’d be more ready to make the big changes.

LUCY On my 23rd birthday, I decided to clean up. I phoned my mom and told hereverything. She checked me into rehab and was really there for me. But no-oneelse was, except for Gcina. When I came out, she was there to listen. Plus, shebarely drinks and doesn’t touch drugs, so I feel totally comfortable hanging outwith her. I know she’s always seen the real me and that she cares about me. NICOLE A few days before Christmas

2010, my family and boyfriend andI were waiting for my sister, Holly,who was driving home from college.When we got a call telling us she’dbeen in an accident and later learntshe hadn’t made it, I fell to the oor.I kept saying ‘What do I do? I don’tknow what to do!’

KATIE Nicole’s boyfriend called me tobreak the news. My mind went blank

– her family is like my family. I askedhow Nicole was doing but I knewthere was no good answer to that.

NICOLE The next day, people foundout via the news, so the e-mails, textsand Facebook messages poured in.I appreciated them all. We wentthrough old photos for the memorialservice. Katie helped. Some of thepictures were very funny, and wespent time telling stories about Holly.

SOMEONECLOSE TOHER DIESKatie Skocir, 26and Nicole Stahl, 27

What would I dowithout you?

How You Can Help First, the bad news: you can’t forcea friend to get help, says psychiatristJ Wesley Boyd. Your role is to helpher realise she needs help.DO CONFRONT HER CALMLY . Stickto facts and refrain from judgment, Boydsays. ‘I think you have a problem’ will stoke

her denial; ‘You were blackout drunk thelast three nights in a row’ is harder to refute.Emphasise her wellbeing: ‘I want to makesure that you’re going to be okay six monthsfrom now, and I wouldn’t be able to livewith myself if I didn’t bring this up.’ Andbroach the topic when she’s sober. ‘Youwant to do everything you can to keepemotions down so your friend is morelikely to hear what you’re saying,’ he says.

DON’T BE INVOLVED IN THECOVER UP. If your friend has a problemwith alcohol, you might be tempted tovolunteer to be her designated driver –or you may want to be nice when she asks,‘Did I embarrass myself last night?’ Don’t.‘By doing anything that makes it easier,you’re enabling the behaviour,’ Boyd says.DO BE READY TO SUGGEST NEWSTEPS. ‘If you’re lucky enough to breakthrough to her and she tells you she needshelp, she has a lot of options, dependingon her personality,’ says Boyd. Narcotics Anonymous or an AA support group couldbe a good t. ‘Their only requirement isa desire to stop – and you’d be welcometo attend with her.’ She could also contacther doctor or a local treatment centre.


YOUniverse | Friendships

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA



KATIE Over the next fewweeks, I sent Nicole funnytexts about things I knewshe’d get a kick out of.I wasn’t afraid to joke withher because I gured weshould both be ourselves.I tried my best to keep ournormal friendship going.

NICOLE Some peopleavoided me – I guess theydidn’t know what to say.I wish they had just actednormally. I had this weirdcompulsion to tell everyoneI bumped into what hadhappened so they’d knowI wasn’t totally myself, but

it created awkwardness –I told a former colleague at

a bar, and she just didn’t know what to say…

KATIE I pulled Nicole into a corner, and we bothshed a tear and then shared a laugh and wenton with the evening. If we had to cry at bars,then we’d do it! That was okay with us.

NICOLE After the funeral, my family started ascholarship foundation in Holly’s name, andfriends pitched in to buy bracelets and evenplan fundraisers. It meant a lot to my family– and gave people something to do to help.

It'll be okay, you'll see.

ASHLEY I worked in advertisingat a start-up, and I was let goin a round of lay-offs. As you getolder, you realise companies canhire people right out of varsityon the cheap to do what you do.It’s scary to have your incomeshut off when you nally havea plan and a savings account,and are taking care of yourself.

And when you work crazy hours,your colleagues become family,and it’s tough to see them go too. MELISSAPeople hear, ‘Oh, I lostmy job’, and they give you that face and go, ‘I’m sooo sorry!’ It’sobnoxious. So I told her, ‘I’m supersorry, and I’ve got your back’– and I let her decide whethershe wanted to talk about it. ASHLEY I don’t want the pity face.I want someone to tell me, ‘You’llhave a new job in no time. Enjoythe break while it lasts. You saidyou wanted to travel!’ Losingyour job is like getting dumped– you remember all the greatthings about the relationshipand you forget he was lazy orhad the grossest eating habits.Melissa knows how consumingmy job was and all the ridiculousthings I had to deal with, sowhen I get moody, she’ll say,‘Remember all those things

you hated? You were on yourway out the door anyway!’

MELISSA It’s so importantto stay positive. When I wasunemployed, people panickedon my behalf. ‘What about this,what about that, what are yougoing to do?’ That just makesthe situation worse. Movingforward is the best thingyou can help a friend do.

How You Can Help Grief is like u. ‘At rst, it can feel like it’ll never goaway,’ says psychologist George Bonanno, authorof The Other Side Of Sadness. ‘But acute pain usuallybegins to fade a er a few weeks.’ Here’s how to helpduring those rst tear-soaked months.DON’T FORCE HER TO TALK ABOUT IT. Peoplewant to grieve with family but be normal around friends.‘They want to feel like the world hasn’t totally collapsed,’Bonanno says. A er giving condolences, chatting about

unrelated things isn’t disrespectful. It’s actually kind.DO EXPECT HER TO BE KIND OF ABSENT. ‘Sadness makes people turn inwards,’ Bonanno says.‘While you’re with her, you may notice her go quiet for afew minutes, then come out of it and laugh.’ Don’t probeher about it – just carry on as though you didn’t notice.DON’T FEEL YOU NEED TO BE SOMBRE. ‘People are able to laugh and feel genuine joy whilemourning,’ Bonanno says. Your friend doesn’t want tofeel like she’s sucked the joy out of everyone else’s life.

SHE LOSESHER JOBAshley King, 34and Melissa Tirey, 30

How YouCan Help ‘With a lay-off comes the loss oftwo major things: a daily routineand a big part of one’s identity,’says Robert Chope, the founderof the Career and PersonalDevelopment Institute in theUS. The right support will helpyour bud get back on her feet.DON’T START WITH A FLOODOF ADVICE. ‘The person who’sbeen laid off is going through a tonof emotions – frustration, anxiety,even grief,’ Chope says. She needsto vent about it before she can thinkabout the next steps, and it mighttake a while. For the rst week ortwo, just lend a sympathetic ear.DO PUT HER IN A POSITIVEFRAME OF MIND. Once yourfriend is ready to talk about thefuture, ask her what skills shegained in her last gig and whatconnections she can tap into(from friends, family and evenformer co-workers) to kick-start her job search. ‘Onceshe articulates her strengthsand sees the team behind her,she’ll feel hopeful,’ Chope says.DON’T ASK HER TO SPENDMONEY. ‘Funemployment’means plenty of free time butfewer resources. Your friendwill appreciate invitations tofun, cost-free activities, such

as concerts in a park or cheapiemuseum or gallery days.DO CHALLENGE HER TOTHINK BIG . ‘Get your friendto talk about her fantasies –around travel, jobs, relationships,whatever,’ Chope says. ‘Thinkingabout what else matters helpsremind her that there’s moreto her than having a job.’■


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FOR MORE SITUATION SPECIFIC INFO ON HOW TO HELP YOUR FRIENDS,GO TOCOSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA AND SEARCH‘HELP A FRIEND’



We know it sucks when your salary can’t cover much more than the boringbasics. Here’s how to up your income in your spare time – so you canpick out new shoes along with the instant noodles! By Laura Twiggs

The popularity of pop-up outlets shows no sign of

dipping off any time soon. They’reperfect as a once-off income booster,a way for small-scale entrepreneursto test the market without hugeoverheads, and as a regular streamof additional income that demandsonly as much time and effort as youcan manage.

To make the event really successful,team up with friends. Your collectivedatabase and network will ensureit’s well attended, you’ll spread theworkload, you’ll all have more funand – most importantly – you’ll beable to create a diverse range ofhand-picked offerings withouthaving to invest time and moneyamassing enough stock. You don’thave to become a consignment-baseddistributor, either – although it’s nota bad idea, and many beauty, decor,clothing and other brands’ businessmodels rely on it.

You could make money out ofyour hobby (jewellery, photographyand artworks, for example), read tarotcards, og your second-hand clothing,or just make a lot more of your famousThai curry and a few extra batches ofyour to-die-for cupcakes. You could evenhave a pop-up restaurant in your home!And if that seems like too much hardwork, you can keep it as simple as youlike – think along the lines of sellingyour killer mojitos at a music festival.

Pop-upping 1

There’s high demand forpart-time, independentsales reps, especially inthe cosmetics industry(Avon, Justine) and in jewellery (think Honey).The bonus is you can doas much or as little assuits you – from sellingto a few friends andacquaintances on they to offering dedicatedparty and event servicesto your broader network.Note, though, that this isonly for you if you have

some cash to spend:in general, you have tobuy what you’re hopingto sell upfront and youthen earn between 10%and 20% commissionon the sales that youmake. To make it reallywork, you should alsobe outgoing and haveexcellent social andpresentation skills.

2

Side HustlesFOR EXTRA MONEY20Major companies

want to understand whattheir consumers think about theirproducts and services, so they hiresurvey companies to ask people likeyou to submit your thoughts and opinionsonline. Many are happy to give you upto R500, gift vouchers, free products ormassive discounts just for completinga simple Q&A. But don’t be a sucker:sites that request payment for registrationare usually scams. Sign up free ofcharge at Surveycompare.co.za andyou’ll get regular mails about surveysfrom all the best survey companies atonce. Just remember: you can’t do asmany surveys as you like. You haveto t the specic criteria, and often,you might not.

Onlinesurveying

Got a spare room going?

Garage space you can rent out?A bedroom you can vacate everynow and then? If you’re close totourist attractions or the CBD, youcan let it out as a short-term rental.Create an ad outlining your ideal guest(for example, a foreign model in town

for a three-day shoot or singlewomen attending conferencesin your city) and put it upon www.holiday.co.za orFreepropertyads.co.za .

House-hosting (Selectively, of course!)

3

4

Earn -R3 000(or more: don’t shellout more start-up

capital than you canafford to part with!)

to R20 000p/m

Ea r n R 0

to R 5 0 0 0 p / m

F ree b ie s /

ea r n u p to R1 5 0 0

Ea r n be t wee n R 2 0 0 a nd

R 2 0 0 0 p / m


YOUniverse | Money Talk

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA



South Africa is teeming with language schools offering English, and most are oversubscribed by (mainly)foreign students. We’re not suggesting you take a course – you don’t have to be qualied to offer conversationalEnglish tuition, and the demand suggests language schools fall short when it comes to this. It amounts to no morethan a chat over dinner or a convo during a jog, but to pull it off and create a steady secondary-income stream,you need to be fully comfortable, personally likeable, patient and totally uent. Post your offering in the manyEnglish learner forums. Who knows? You might make a new friend while making some extra money.

5 Ea r n R 8 0 to

R1 2 0 p / h



6 Au pairingWe don’t mean

the whole surrogate-mommy deal (duh!) –but if you have a car,you could get an au pairdriver gig, driving kidsto extramural activitiesa few times a week. EARN R50 to 120 p/h

7 Waiting tablesIt’s an oldie – but

don’t knock it! Find theright place with the rightvibe and clientele, and yourshi s can be a lot of fun.Choose how o en and whenyou work, swap shi s andbag extras as you like. EARN R0 to R1 000+ p/w

8 Niche onlinetrading

If you’re clued up on, say,vintage jewellery, videogames or retro postcards,look out for bargainsonline, snap them upand resell again onlineat a prot. Just don’tover-invest: you haveto actually sell the stuff.(Potential hoarders: thisis not for you!) EARN -R1 000+ to R10 000 p/m

9 Baby-sittingYes, there are horror

stories galore but if youscreen potential sittees halfas well as their parents screensitters, it’s a cinch. How old isthe child? Are they ADHD? Intherapy for anything? Circulateit at work and get friends to dothe same. In time, you’re sureto nd kids and a home set-upyou really dig, on top of beingpaid while enjoying their pad. EARN R50 to R75 p/h

10 Sellingstuff online

Turn an old phone,used atiron, unworncoat, unwanted jewelleryand anything else that’slying around into cash byregistering on a classiedssite (such as Gumtree.co.za or Bidorbuy.co.za ). Postyour pics and watchthe messages pour in. EARN R0 to 3 000(once off, or more)

11 Basic techingKnowledge you take

for granted may get you anincome from people who mightnot know how to set up ane-mail account or work withExcel. Word of mouth can leadto more work – just refer themto pros for anything beyond you.EARN ±R100 p/h

12 Datacapturing

It’s dull as dishwater,for sure – but you can beearning every time you’vean hour or so on the hop. EARN R10 to R86 p/h

13 CookingGot a culinary

knack? Offer a few fresh,home-made, healthy andfreezer-friendly pre-preparedfamily staples (such aslasagne on Fridays, cottagepie on Sundays, and so on).Cost each, prepare in bulk,and you can turn a tidy prot.Add a doable, customisableoptions list (vegetarian/gluten free/lactose free,etc) and charge a bit more.Send menus out throughyour networks.EARN R0 to R2 000 p/w

14 Dog walkingDon’t even

think about it unlessyou’re physically strong,absolutely love dogs andare totally the ‘mad dog

lady’ who makes themany more ‘mad catladies’ look sane. Postyour services to localvet boards; double yourdough with pet-sitting. EARN R30 p/h to R100 p/d

15 Modellingand lm-

extra work You don’t have to be gorgeous– some of the highest-paid

and in-demand faces in thebusiness are ‘different’, to putit mildly. Be careful: don’t trustanyone who says you need topay for special pics. If you’reserious, get an agent – go tothe Directory of South AfricanCasting & Modelling Agenciesat Rainbownation.com. EARN R0 to R5 000+ p/m

16 Socialnetworking

Earn money by being on

Facebook, Twitter andother social media sitesfor certain companies.The basic principle isthat you drive trafc totheir site and get paidaccording to the numberyou get there. You’ll getabout R250 for every 25people who land up onthe site because of you. EARN R0 to R1 000+ p/m

17 Promo puntingThese gigs are regularly

advertised on Gumtree.co.za and can make you betweenR1 000 and R2 000 a weekend,selling shots at an up-marketvenue, offering wine samplesat bottle stores, and so on. EARN R80 to R150 p/h

18 Photographselling

Turn your digital picsinto cash (anything fromR1 to R200 each) on sitesthat resell to publishers.Payment varies accordingto quality and subjectmatter, so do your researchand snap with intent! See123rf.com , Shutterstock.com , Dreamstime.com ,Crestock.com or Fotolia.com . EARN R0 to R5 000+ p/m

19 ‘Pimping’your mates

Hiringbounty.com pays youif you suggest a friend whots the job description andthey bag the placement.You could earn goodmoney if you get it right. EARN R0 to R9 000+ p/m

20 Affiliateselling

Have a blog or nichewebsite? If you becomea Kalahari.com afliate,matching their productsto your audience andselling them can rake insix percent in commission. EARN R0 to R5 000+ p/m ■

HAVETHEIR OWN THINGSGOING FOR THEM…


YOUniverse | Money Talk

DON’T JEOPARDISE YOUR SAFETY WHILE MAKING EXTRA CASH:SEARCH ‘EXTRA INCOME SAFETY TIPS’ AT COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA



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It’s time todebunk this‘acceptedtruth’ and putit rmly where

it belongs: in thebox of dangerousgender fallacies,right alongside‘girls suck at maths’and ‘no means yes’BY LAURA TWIGGS

Hands up if this has everhappened to you: you get an

outrageous claim such as RyanGosling adopting a child inone of your news feeds and

instantly dismiss it as completenonsense. But the posts keep

popping up along with picturesof Ryan holding a baby – and

before you know it, it’s notoutrageous at all. You’ve heard

it so much that you believe it.

It’s the same if you thinkthat abortion is being used

as a form of birth control. It’sbeen repeated so often that it’sbecome a widely accepted ‘truth’.Psychologists call the way repetitioncreates familiarity (and how ourbrain reads the familiar as being‘true’) ‘the il lusory truth effect’.And it’s extremely powerful: evenif we’ve heard something just oncebefore, we’re much more likely tobelieve it than something thatwe’re hearing for the rst time.

a



YOUniverse | Local Report

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA AUGUST 2014 | COSMOPOLITAN 55

The more we hear the thing, theless inclined we are even to questionwhether it’s true; and when we thinkthat others believe something, we’remore inclined to be persuaded it’s true.

And this abortion myth has not onlybeen repeated, it’s been given currencyby credible and trusted civic leaders.Department of Health spokesman FidelHadebe has reported the government’salarm about abortion legislation beingabused, saying, ‘It was intended asan avenue for women to use whenthere is a need. What we see today,where women seem to be using itas a form of contraception, is totallywrong.’ And Health Minister AaronMotsoaledi has repeatedly saidthat abortions are being used as a

‘contraceptive method’. Addressingthe second national council of theYoung Communist League of SouthAfrica in Kimberley in 2013, Motsoaledisaid effective family planning haddied in clinics, and young girls werenot trying to prevent falling pregnantbut were, instead, having abortions.

KICK OUT THE MYTHThere are countless more examples,and yet there’s absolutely no evidenceto back them up. If anything, theavailable data suggests that theChoice on Termination of PregnancyAct, which gives women of any ageaccess to abortion services uponrequest during the rst 12 weeksof pregnancy (and in certain cases,up to 20 weeks of pregnancy), doesexactly the opposite.

And while fallacies such as RyanGosling being an adoptive dad areutterly harmless, this one isn’t. Ina June speech, Social DevelopmentMinister Bathabile Dlamini saidthat the right to termination of

pregnancy could not be separatedfrom the ‘overall goals to empowerwomen socially, economically andpolitically’ and called it key to thefull emancipation of women. Shealso reminded her audience of thelinks between illegal abortionand infertility, loss of dignityand privacy, and even death,and drew parallels betweenit and violence against women,and the threat of HIV to women.

Most importantly, she challenged thebelief that abortion is electively usedas a form of contraception. She calledthe entire notion ‘a myth’.

Dlamini is right: question theevidence and it is indeed a myth.Ms Magazine succinctly sets therecord straight with these facts(they’re US stats, but there’s noreason to suggest ours woulddiffer very signicantly): ‘Mostwomen who have abortions (52%)have had no previous abortions,and 26% have had only one previousabortion. Considering that mostwomen are fertile for more than30 years and that birth control isnot perfect, the likelihood of havingone or two unintended pregnancies

is very high.’ Prochoice.org has alsoexposed this ‘accepted truth’ as amyth, pointing out that ‘half of allwomen getting abortions reportthat contraception was used duringthe month they became pregnant’.

‘Some of these couples had usedthe method improperly; some hadforgotten or neglected to use it onthe particular occasion; and somehad used a contraceptive that failed.No contraceptive method preventspregnancy 100% of the time. Ifabortion were used as a primarymethod of birth control, a typicalwoman would have at least twoor three pregnancies per year –30 or more during her lifetime.’

BANISH NEGATIVE ATTITUDESIn her speech, Dlamini drew attentionto the concept of ‘reproductive justice’,explaining that the legalisation ofabortion has caused a massive 91%drop in abortion-related deaths. The

fact is that ‘the recourse to abortionis lower in countries where abortionlaws are less restrictive’. But, she said,‘we have some serious issues that weneed to address in relation to abortion’.

The most dire issue is thatless than half of the designatedhealth facilities intended to provideterminations are operational – andthe still-prevailing negative attitudesof health workers tend to stigmatisewomen seeking legal abortions.

IfABORTION were used as a

primary method ofBIRTH CONTROL,

a typical womanwould have at least

two or three pregnancies

per year – 30 or moreduring herLIFETIME

According toDoctorsforlife.co.za, health-service providers are within their rights to

refuse to participate in abortion procedures.‘This would include anything from directly

taking part in the abortion procedure tomaking beds and caring for the patient, oreven looking at histological specimens inthe laboratory… You may refuse takingpart in any of the administrative processof arranging abortions at all levels of the

health system.’ Not only that: they can alsorefuse to refer a patient to someone willingto perform one. However, ‘they are legally

obliged to refer patients to another provider

and assist in emergency situations resultingfrom termination procedures,’ says RuthAtkinson ofGroundup.org.za. ‘But problems

arise when widespread conscientiousobjection means that there are no available

care providers at a facility.’ Healthcareprofessionals are supposed to formallyregister as conscientious objectors –

when they don’t, gaps in the service aren’tidentied and are therefore not lled. ‘Whilethe guidelines call for written conrmation

of conscientious objection, this has notbeen implemented,’ says Atkinson.

The HEALTH -WORKER

Problem

Fact:




YOUniverse | Local Report

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

These are directly responsible forthe mushrooming of yers puntingdodgy abortion services, the highnumbers who resort to backstreetproviders, and the countlesspreventable deaths. Behind thestigmatisation and unnecessarysuffering and death are pervasivemyths such as this one.

EMBRACE AND REPEAT THE TRUTH

Several studies have shown thatcontraceptive measures, and notabortion, are the most preferredmethod of birth control. One 2013study at the Washington UniversitySchool of Medicine in St Louisproved that providing birth controlto women at no cost substantiallyreduces unplanned pregnancies,and cuts abortion rates by a rangeof between 62% and 78%. And whilethe Department of Health says thenumber of abortions in state facilitieshas dramatically declined, experts say

this is more because of an increasingnumber of state nurses who arerefusing to perform the procedure,and because of the way they treatthose who are requesting it.

Given our progressive legislation,it’s a tragic irony that an estimated50% of all abortions are performedillegally, and that thousands ofwomen die every year from unsafeterminations. ‘We want to see anend to the lamppost yers,’ Karen

Trueman of the NGO Ipas, whichworks to end preventable deathsfrom unsafe abortions, told theDaily Maverick’s Rebecca Davis.The services that should be providingabortions, but are not, should be doingso using trained healthcare providers.This unfortunate reality is backed upby abortion provider Marie Stopes’reports from their clients, whichsuggest that ‘public-sector nursesfrequently chastise clients … forbeing sexually active, for being

“irresponsible”, and for choosingto terminate the pregnancy ratherthan give birth’, reported Davis.

Myths such as this one onlyperpetuate, entrench and increasestigmatisation and anti-abortionprejudice. So think again – andencourage others to do so too.Repeating this fallacy can colourattitudes towards legal abortion,placing the exercise of ourconstitutional right to terminateunwanted pregnancy under threat.

■

Several studies have shown thatcontraceptive measures, and notABORTION, are the most preferred method ofbirth control

Try this

Other ABORTION MYTHS

Women who have abortions are selshand self-centred. (They may actually bemore responsible and know that they aren’table to provide adequate maternal care.)

Abortions cause pain for the fetus.(Fetuses don’t begin to feel pain untilsome time during the third trimester

– a er 99% of all abortions havebeen performed.)Abortion is a very dangerous

procedure. (Giving birth is moredangerous than an abortion.)

If a woman doesn’t want to havea child, she should use contraceptionor abstain. (More than half of womenseeking abortions have tried to preventpregnancy in the month of conception.)

Women are o en forced into havingabortions they do not really want.

(Globally, less than one percent of womensay they’ve been pressured to terminatea pregnancy. The percentile of womenreporting pressure to continue anunwanted pregnancy is far higher.)

Many women who have had abortionsare traumatised and suffer from ‘post-

abortion stress syndrome’. (There is noscientic evidence that abortion endangerslong-term mental health any more thandelivering and parenting an unwantedchild or placing a baby up for adoption.)

Many women come to regret theirabortions later. (Psychological distressis higher before the termination, and thosewho experience problems with post-abortionadjustment have not received support,or their decision has been opposed bypeople who are important to them.)

SOURCES MS MAGAZINE AND PROCHOICE.ORG






YOUniverse | Real Life

An accident le 24-year-old Peta*’s

boyfriend of nearly three years paralysed.And although it broke her heart, she choseto walk away. As told to Laura Twiggs

used to say that Nick* wasmy best birthday presentever because a mutual friendbrought him to my 21st andby the end of the night I’dtotally fallen for this broad-shouldered, athletic hunk.

he naughtiest green eyes,a truly wicked sense of humour andso much charisma it was like he hadhis own personal spotlight followinghim wherever he went. It wasn’t justme – being around him made everyonefeel like they were having more fun.

I KNEW HE WAS THE LOVEOF MY LIFE ALMOST FROMDAY ONE. Within 10 days we wereofcially exclusive; four months later,

we moved in together. Withinsix months we had a running jokeabout exactly how we’d each throwour names away at our wedding. I’dnever have believed you if you’d saidI’d leave him the way I did.

IT’S NOT LIKE IT ENDEDTHE MINUTE I FOUND OUTHE’D NEVER WALK AGAIN. When I got the news that he’dcome off his motorbike, I was told toprepare myself for the worst. Hearinghe was nally out of danger and therewas no brain damage was such a reliefthat the implications of him beingparalysed from the diaphragm downdidn’t sink in at all. I was so gratefulI hadn’t lost him.



WHEN HE WASDISCHARGEDFROM HOSPITAL,HIS PARENTSINSISTED HE GOTO THEM INSTEADOF COMING HOME. I was beyond angry– I was sure I couldtake care of him andconvinced he’d befar happier withme. I put up a ghtbut eventually had to accept thatit wasn’t on the cards just yet. It wasjust a matter of time, though; I knewI could make them come around.

I ENROLLED IN A FOUR MONTH

HOME CARE COURSE TO LEARN ABOUT HOW TO DEAL WITH NICK’SSPECIFIC NEEDS, and during thattime I visited him as often as I could.I had no social life and receiveda written warning at work but itdidn’t put me off because everyonewas treating me like a hero. And I feltlike one for a good ve months, whichwas when reality hit me.

BY NOW, NICK WAS INDEPENDENTENOUGH IN TERMS OF DAILY TASKSTHAT I KNEW I’D BE ABLE TOTAKE CARE OF HIM. I achievedmy goal: his parents and doctorsdecided I could cope and Nick camehome. But with nothing more toprove, I began asking myself thebasic questions I’d been ignoringsince the accident. How would thischange my life? My dreams of havinga family? If some sort of sex life waspossible and we did manage to havea baby, how would I juggle takingcare of a child with work and withlooking after Nick? Up until then,

I’d focused on Nick’s physicalchanges and challenges, andhadn’t paid much attentionto other shifts in him that werebecoming more obvious by the day.

FOR ANOTHER FIVE MONTHSI WATCHED NICK GROW DARKER, until he was a stranger – mean,possessive, cruel and unreachable.There were countless days in whichhe refused to say one word to me.

He got angry ifI suggested weleave the at, andwouldn’t see visitors.He’d interrogate mewhenever I received atext or call. I dreadedcoming home. Worstof all, he refusedto discuss therapy.At the end, he was

telling me to f *ck off, to go to mylovers and leave him alone; runningme down pretty much constantly.

THEN ONE DAY I CRACKED.I called his mom and told her howmiserable life with Nick had become.She thanked me for everything I’d

done and when I said I just neededa break, she said I needed to livemy own, beautiful life.

I MEANT IT WHEN I SAID ALLI WANTED WAS A BREAK, AND ITTOOK ANOTHER THREE MONTHSFOR ME TO PROPERLY CLOSETHE DOOR. I went to see him everyday and each time was worse. WhenI packed up his things and had themdelivered to his parents’ place, I wasn’treally leaving Nick. I didn’t know thatman at all.

NICK BECOMING PARALYSED AND ME LEAVING HIM IS NOTSOMETHING I TALK ABOUT. Mostof the people in my life now have noidea it happened. (I’ve changed jobsand moved cities.) I’d like to keepit that way because I’ve learnt thatpeople are very quick to judge. I feltdisappointment from almost everyonearound me and even received directcriticism from mutual friends whoremember him the way he was when

I met him. I think they would havebeen more understanding if I’d brokenup with him long before he moved backhome, and I understand that. I’m incounselling to deal with my massiveguilt about destroying his life a secondtime. They don’t know I’m still soheartbroken – I can’t bring myselfto go past a third date with anyonenew. They’ve no idea I keep in touch.Or that given any clear sign of my oldNick, I’d be back in a heartbeat. ■

‘I watchedNick growdarker by

the day, untilhe was astranger’

IF IT HAPPENED TO YOU, WOULD YOU STAY OR WOULD YOU GO?TWEET #COSMOSTAY OR #COSMOGO @COSMOPOLITANSA

I L L U S T R A T I O N S

A N D R E

J A B A L I / S H U T T E R S T O C K

* N A M E

H A S

B E E N

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Fun, Fearless

He makes plans to see you. No last-minute WhatsApp message on a Fridaynight to meet up – he’s already made adate with you and booked the restaurant.

He calls just to chat.He makes an effort with your friends.

He wants to know aboutyou – your past, your family,

your dreams.He remembers small details

(music, movies, restaurants you like).He takes you hometo meet his parents.

He knows everything there is toknow about your dysfunctionalfamily – and he doesn’t care.

He encourages you to follow

your dreams, even if they mayconict with the relationship.When he tells you he loves you,it still feels like the rst time.He understands exactly

how funny you’ll nd JimmyKimmel’s ‘Celebrities read

mean tweets’ videos.He calmly goes to the shop to buy

tampons when you’re too crippled bycramps to let go of the hot-water bottleand comes back with that iced hazelnut

latte you’ve been craving all day.■

Not sure whetheryour connection isgenuine? Here’s

how to tell…

11 Si g n s


Z O E Y G R O S S M A N

T E X T

L A U R A T W

I G G S A N D

A N I A R O K I T A

IT’S#FORREALSIES



I ONCE DATED A GUY I’LL CALL LEWIS, WHO WAS,INITIALLY, very excited about ‘us’ – disconcertingly so.I liked him a lot but his over-the-top enthusiasm (he insistedI was ‘perfect’) gave me pause. Given how little we knewabout each other, it felt like too much. I worried Lewismight be the kind of person whose feelings run hot andcold. But after a few weeks, I let go and let myself fallfor him. Unfortunately, the more attached I got, theless perfect he thought I was.

After two months, Lewis morphed from perfect boyfriendto one who’d abruptly disappear from e-mail and text fordays, cancel plans and behave coldly … except when he

was warm and affectionate – the way he had been in thebeginning. Then I’d think all was ne, that my worrieswere unfounded. After all, he’d explained his text absencesafterwards (a death in the family that he’d been too upset tolet me know about). And everyone needs space sometimes,right? Besides, we’d only been dating for a few months.I didn’t want to seem needy, not to myself or to Lewis.I certainly didn’t think of myself as needy – I was anindependent, career-minded young woman. But the truthwas, I was afraid to call Lewis out on his behaviour andhow it was making me feel because the one time that I hadtried to get him to talk about our relationship, he got angry.

YOU RE

NOT

NEEDY Adelle Waldman ’s bestselling

novel, The Love AffairsOf Nathaniel P – about

an independent heroine who becomes insecure because of a guy’s mixedsignals – set book clubs

buzzing. Here, she shares theexperience that inspired it all

R e l a x – y o u ’ r e n o t a s t a g e -f i v e c l i n g e r !




He said he hated to talk abouthis feelings; I insisted one had tosometimes. We went to bed angry.I left early the next day to catcha plane, and he didn’t speak tome the whole week I was away.

THE DOWNWARDSPIRAL OF SHAMEMy friend Missy told me this was adouche move on Lewis’s part. Missy’sboyfriend echoed the words. ‘The guysounds like bad news,’he said. I agreed, readyto write Lewis off. Butas soon as I headedhome, Lewis called.He apologised. I caved.I decided the situation

was less black-and-whitethan I thought. Maybe I hadbeen too pushy, too girlie inmy insistence on discussingthings. After all, most mendon’t like relationship talks.

As Lewis’s behaviourgrew more manipulativeand cruel, I made excusesfor putting up with him. I thought ifI just rode out this rocky period, he’d‘forgive’ me and things would go backto how they’d been. I’d tiptoe around,timid where I’d once felt condent.I began to feel grateful for any timewe spent together because only whenhe was next to me did I feel secure(and even then only sometimes).

I could see that I was acting likea different person from the one he’dfallen for and, more importantly, fromthe person I thought I was. I’d becomeneedy, insecure, downright pathetic.

This phenomenon, in which anotherwise-together woman turns intoa sad, excuse-making doormat, is onemy friend Vanessa calls ‘the downward

spiral of shame’. The worse you feelabout it, the more dependent youbecome on the relationship that’sthe source of your unhappiness.You become increasingly desperateto ‘save’ it no matter what the costto your self-respect. It doesn’t matterhow smart you are. We can all do it.

Vanessa went into that spiral with aguy who wasn’t even a ‘real’ boyfriend.Now she wishes she’d walked awayas soon as things began to deteriorate.

Instead, she kept seeing him even though she knew hewas dating other people. To this day, she regrets an e-mailshe sent him. ‘It was way too long and so earnest,’ she says.‘I’m embarrassed because he didn’t deserve such an honestletter.’ His response, which wasn’t nearly as long – or asheartfelt – made her feel exposed and powerless.

INSECURITY TAKES OVERFor my friend Christine, it was Tom, a guy she met onlineafter a long period of being single. Their rst three dateswere ‘perfect’. Then Tom went out of town for work. Hecalled her every night, and they talked for hours. When

he returned, on a Friday, he bought her a gift, andthey spent the weekend together. It was magical,Christine thought. But on Sunday night, while shewas still in a love-struck haze, Tom called. He toldher he wasn’t over his ex but insisted he didn’twant to stop seeing Christine – he really likedher. He just wanted to let her know the situation.

Christine had no idea how to respond. She’dhad such a great time with him, and because ithad been a while since she’d liked someone somuch, she didn’t want to lose him and go backto square one. And at least Tom was upfront,right? She thought his honesty should countfor something. On the other hand, nothingcould have been better calculated to makeChristine insecure than this strange confession.

Tom and Christine continued to see each other for morethan a month after that but from that point on, it wasn’t thesame. They’d spend an evening together, then Tom wouldinsist he needed space and disappear for a week. But whatcould Christine do? When she complained, he respondedthat he had warned her he had issues to work out. Inretrospect, she should have bailed as soon as she gotthat unnerving phone call. Instead, she began makingexcuses – classic downward spiral of shame.

After my relationship with Lewis ended, I was moreupset at the person I’d become than I was about losinghim. Every time I thought of my behaviour – how weakI’d been, how many excuses I’d made – I cringed. It didn’tfeel like me, and yet it was. At least, it had been.

STRONG WOMEN MADE WEAKSeveral years later, when I sat down to write The

Love Affairs Of Nathaniel P , I wanted to write about

the downward spiral of shame that my friends and I hadexperienced. We were all smart career women with plenty ofinterests besides dating. None of us was the kind of womanwho ‘needed’ a guy in life at all times. Yet we had all foundourselves tolerating behaviour we shouldn’t have, in spiteof the toll it took on our self-respect.

The not-especially-likable protagonist of my novel is30-year-old Nate. He isn’t totally a bad guy – he’s smart,funny and a good friend – but he has serious commitmentissues and he can be toxic for the women he dates. Inthe book, Nate begins to date a woman named Hannah,who is cool and fun, and challenges him in arguments.

I WASMORE

UPSET AT THE

PERSONI’D

BECOMETHANI WAS

ABOUTLOSING

HIM

Love | Relationships




But as Hannah starts to let down herguard and become more comfortablein the relationship, Nate grows restlessand begins to pull away. Because hewants to avoid uncomfortableconversations, he refusesto acknowledge what ishappening. But he doesn’tbreak up with her either.He still likes her, even if hehas grown more conictedthan he used to be.

Nate’s inconsistencytriggers in Hannah the sameagonised response Lewis’sbehaviour brought out inme. She shrinks into herself,afraid to complain. One night,eased by whisky, she says to

Nate, ‘If someone told mea month ago what thingswould be like between us,I would have said, “No, I’dnever stand for that.” ButI keep negotiating down whatI think is okay. I like you – myproblem is that I do like you.’

MIXED MESSAGESSince the book was publishedI’ve heard from many women whosay they’ve dated a guy like Nate,whose mixed signals drove them crazy.These guys behaved in ways that werehurtful – but they never quite crossedthe line so you’d break up with them.Like Lewis, they tended to apologiseafter they’d ruined your holiday butbefore you could say they were totallyirredeemable. Or they were like Tom,whose behaviour could be seen aseither selsh or honest. Or as thectional Nate does when Hannah tellshim how she feels, they beg for anotherchance and promise to do better. Theseguys were just jerkish enough to make

us unhappy – but nice enough to giveus qualms about breaking things off.

But many of the women I heardfrom had a hard time sympathisingwith Hannah. ‘She becomes so weak,’one journalist said. ‘She reminds meof the part of myself that I hate.’ Anoutspoken 23-year-old named Rachelcame to a reading to ask me whyHannah didn’t kick Nate to the curb.‘I found her very hard to like,’ she said.‘I never want to be like her.’

I get that. When I acted most like Hannah, I found it hardto like myself. It’s painful to watch Hannah, who starts off sofeisty and strong, become so willing to take Nate’s shit. It’snatural to want her to stick it to him. But I didn’t want to make

her the woman I wishI’d been. I wanted toexamine the effect Nate’sbehaviour had on her.If it were easy for her towalk away, his behaviourwould not seem nearly ashurtful as it actually is.If Hannah never lost hercool, Nate would havebeen let off the hook.

And then there’s this:perhaps it isn’t terribleto have been a Hannahat one point. If I’d done

it and all these otherwomen I heard fromhad done it, perhapswe should stop feelingso ashamed of the factthat, at some point, we’dliked a guy so much thatwe gave him the benetof the doubt for too long.Ultimately, we all picked

ourselves up, dusted ourselves off and learnt from ourmistakes. I thought if we could forgive the ctional Hannahher mistakes, perhaps we could also forgive ourselves.

IT’S HIM, NOT YOUInterestingly, it’s men who are most sympathetic towardsHannah. I’ve received hundreds of messages from guys,almost all of whom sheepishly tell me they recognise theirbehaviour in Nate. And yet, they invariably feel for Hannah.‘She was clearly responding to Nate’s passive aggression,’said 20-something Matt. These men take for granted thatHannah is just ne – her only problem is dating Nate. It’sNate they see as having the emotional problems that makeit hard for him to be in a happy relationship.

That squares with my own experience. Not long afterLewis and I split up, I met my husband. From the start,I could feel the difference. I didn’t have to worry about

becoming the person I’d been with Lewis because I waswith a guy who made me feel secure rather than crazy,needy or on edge. My husband may not love havingrelationship talks – who does? – but he wouldn’t getangry at me for bringing something up. He wantsus to work and is wiling to make the effort.

Even now, a part of me will always wish that I couldexcise the Lewis experience from my memory. But thenI remember that when I – or any of us – am tempted tobeat myself up, it’s worth keeping in mind that the onlything worse than being too vulnerable is never beingvulnerable at all. ■

I WASWITH

SOMEONEWHO

MADE MEFEEL

SECURERATHER

THANCRAZY,NEEDYOR ONEDGE

Never be ‘thatgirl’ again

TRULY NEEDY? GO TO COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZAAND SEARCH ‘DE VELCRO NOW’64 COSMOPOLITAN | AUGUST 2014

Love | Relationships

http://cosmopolitan.co.za/





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In your dreams, sex is with one of the Hemsworths andit’smagic every time. But#SexTalkReality: sometimesit hurts, or he’s so boring you forget he’s in the room,let alone inside you. These ills call for a little‘SexRx’ – and the doctor is in! Now go have twoorgasms and call us in the morning…BY TRACY CLARK FLORY

THE ISSUE

S GOT A

THE ISSUE

HE’S GOT Atiny PENIS

UGEPENISEmily*, 35, was about to get busywith a new guy when he asked fora huge condom. She laughed it offas bravado – until he unleashedthe dragon. ‘Maybe 25cm,’ shesays. ‘By far the biggest I’ve everseen.’ His penis could hardly tinside her, making sex painful forher – and uncomfortable for him.THE TREATMENTIf he’s too thick (think bratwurst),get on top to control the speed andlean forwards to limit depth. Also:lube. If he’s too long (translation:anaconda), have him wrap his handaround the base of his penis beforeentering you, which allows only partof him in. Avoid doggy style (whichleads to deep penetration).

There are footlongs and there arecocktail sausages. Each comes withchallenges. Sara*, 28, is hooking upwith a guy who has ‘the smallestpenis I’ve ever encountered. There’s just no feeling him,’ she says.THE TREATMENTA baby gherkin in his pants is nosmall problem – but engine sizedoesn’t matter if you know howto drive. Have him try thrustingin a circular motion with his hips– the circling creates a fuller feelingthan classic in-and-out thrusting.

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

The





Lust | SexRx


PHOTOGRAPHY

GETTY

MAGES

GALLO

MAGES,

J O N

P A T E R S O N / S T U D I O

D *

N A M E

H A S

B E E N

C H A N G E D

THE ISSUE

HE’S A J ACKHAMMERER

THE ISSUE

HE FINISHESTOO FAST

THE ISSUESEX IS Asnooze

THE ISSUE

Sex HURTS

Karen*, 23, has a high-speed,high-intensity humper who treatsher vagina the way he’d approachbreaking ground on a constructionsite. ‘Sometimes I grit my teeth andlet him because I know he likes it,’she says. But rapid-re woodpeckerstyle gets old fast.THE TREATMENTSlow down power-tool pumpingby getting on top, slowly circlingyour hips and showing him howit’s done. Offer Mr Hammer a fewpointers – ‘I love it when you giveit to me slowly.’ If the poundinghappens only towards the endof sex, he might need additionalstimulation. In order to orgasm,men require a combo of frictionand pressure on the penis. Tryquickly stroking or suckingthe tip for the grand nale.

Kelsie*, 28, digs her new guy hard.‘I want him to put babies in me!’she jokes. She’s not the only onewith premature, er, feelings –he ejaculates so quickly thattheir sex session barely laststhe length of a cellphone ad.THE TREATMENTWhen you fall in lust fast, thingscan happen fast – think LeonardoDiCaprio’s one-pump hump inThe Wolf Of Wall Street . To takethe pressure off, engage in a heavydose of foreplay. It slows thingsdown for him but fast-tracks youto orgasm before sex. Break outa bullet vibe on your clitoriswhen you’re fooling around,or have the quick hitter godown on you prior to doingthe deed. Being able topleasure you throughoral will calm his nervesabout the main event.

z z zHe’s thrusting away while you liethere trying to remember whetheryou set the PVR. ‘It feels like he’s just going through the motions,’Kylie*, 27, says of the lack of sparkwith her guy. But TV being betterthan sex? Don’t go to that sad place!THE TREATMENTRoutines can be a sex buzzkill, sothink outside the bed. You can’t rely

on missionary (again) when you’redoing it in the car or in the bathroomat your birthday party. Send hima text and meet for a quickie ata prearranged spot. If you usuallydo it at night, a pre-date romp willmake for avery happy meal. Anddon’t forget some ‘You kiss yourmother with that mouth?’ dirty talk.It’s hard to feel meh when you’retelling him how turned on you are.

Good sex should make you feellike you’re on re – but not literally.Clare*, 28, experiences burningpain during sex most of the time.When a guy enters her, ‘it feelslike I’m tearing,’ she says. Ouch.THE TREATMENTAnxiety, hormone imbalancesand infections such as UTIs cancause painful sex. O en, though,a lack of lubrication is to blamebecause you’re either not arousedenough or you’re taking prescriptionmedication that carries that sideeffect. (Some antidepressantsand hormonal birth-control pillscan do this.) A water-based lubemay reduce friction and tearing,and ease the ouch. If not – andespecially if you have bleeding(which could signal a cervicalpolyp), or a discharge or sores(either of which might signalan infection) – it’s time to getto a gynaecologist.■

Ouch!

FOR THINGS THAT COSMO READERS HAVE WANTED TO TALK ABOUT,SEARCH ‘SEX: WE’RE TALKING ABOUT IT’ AT COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

Oops…!






Hollywood It girls are snatching up Web entrepreneurs like they’re the latestiPhone upgrade. Is he the right update – or will you force-quit this e-bag?

HE HAS BRAINS

His version of a suit is a BatmanT-shirt and Converse sneakers,and his ‘corner offi ce’ is a desk

in a lo space. But his businesscard screams C-something-O. Heis motivated and curious, andhas more smarty credentials

than Ronan Farrow, so theconvo at din ner is as

sparkling as the Prosecco.

HE’LL GIVE HIS ALL IN BED

The bedroom benet of datingsomeone with ve different

degrees? He’ll take notes abouthow to double-click your

mouse and ace all the exams.

HE’S TOTALLY TRENDING

Cute nerds are the new stylishaccessory. Scan Pinterest and you’ll

see: Urkel glasses are the new Wayfarersand sweater-vests are practically leather

jackets. (Have you seen Drake lately?)

HE DOESN’T KNOW HE’S A HOT COMMODITY … YET

He scores points in World Of Warcra but scoring girls is new for him.

He’ll be so psyched about what youbring to the bedroom – from toysto a whipped-cream one-piece –

you’ll swear Mindy Kaling createdhim in a writers’ room.

MAN THRO POL O GYY O U R G U I D E T O T H E M A L E B R A I N

PROS

He’s a MathleteSure, this dude can gureout a 15% dinner tip sanscalculator but it’s not charmingwhen he gets into a comic-book debate with your waiter.Peter Parker: totally bangable.Sheldon Cooper: not so much.

You’re Number TwoHis devotion to his start-up rivals Adam Levine’slove for Victoria’s Secretmodels. It’s a problemwhen your boyfriend refersto his ‘baby’ and he’s talkingabout his beta-stage investor-backed app that hooks upsingles based on their favouritecheese. The way he obsessesover his ‘revolutionary’ idea,you’d swear the app wasthe one with the vagina.

He’s Always WorkingHe puts in serious time ata tech venture that breaksdown more o en than AppleMaps. If he wants a girlfriend,he can pull aWeird Science and download her.

He’s a Secret D-BagA er years of gym-classwedgies, this sci-guy issuddenly a walking adfor #ItGetsBetter. Ladiesare nally interested inhim but he has no idea

nine-timing girls cancelsout his nice-guy status.Make sure he has onlyone window open at a time,if you know what we mean.

CONS

THESTART UP

TECHIE

CO SBR S&






NICE GUYS’CLASSIC LINES

DECODED

GUY TO WATCH

DOUGLASBOOTH

He’s starring in three bigmovies this year: Noah withRussell Crowe, J upiter Ascending with Channing Tatum and Posh with Max Irons.

His friend Emma Watsonis not immune to his charms.‘We met when he was 15, andI remember looking at himand thinking he was offensivelyattractive. And it’s just got worsefrom there,’ she says.

There’s more to him than thatperfect pout. ‘It’s not atteringto be known only for the wayyou look,’ he says. ‘I don’tnecessarily want to hearabout my talent – you cansay I’m shit if you think so butmake it about something I do.’

A jerk will at-out lie to your face. But a nice guy?He’ll spew a web of white lies so astonishing you’llforget where the conversation even began. He doesit to spare your feelings, avoid a ght or relieve hisconscience. Every nice guy has done it. Logan Hilltranslates some classic male BS.

‘LET’S NOTUSE LABELS.’IF I CHEAT ONYOU AND YOU’REMY GIRLFRIEND,I’M A JERK. BUTIF YOU’RE JUSTSOMEONE I’MSEEING, AMI REALLY SUCHA BAD GUY? HARDTO SAY. I PREFER TOGIVE MYSELF THEBENEFIT OF THEDOUBT… OH, SORRY,I MUST TAKE THISCALL FROM MY I MEAN, THIS GIRLI SEE SOMETIMES.

‘I JUSTCAN’T BE ABOYFRIEND

RIGHTNOW.’

WHAT CANI BE RIGHTNOW? THEGUY WHO’SBLOWINGYOU OFF.

‘LET’S NOT GET EMOTIONAL.’WHOA. WHY ARE YOU SO FURIOUS?

LET’S DISCUSS THIS IN A CALM,RATIONAL MANNER, LIKE I NEVER

DID ANYTHING WRONG. IN FACT,

THAT’S EXACTLY HOW I’M GOING TOACT RIGHT NOW. IN FACT, WHY DON’TWE BOTH ACT THAT WAY? THEN IT WILL

BE JUST LIKE I NEVER MESSED UP.

‘I feel like there’ssomething you’re

not saying. Go ahead,say it. Let me have it.’Please tell me youwant to break up withme. If I dump you, I’ll feellike a jerk. I’d much rathermake you miserable andmanipulate you intobreaking up with me.

‘WE’RE JUST GOING THROUGH A ROUGH PATCH.’ SURE, THE ROUGH PATCH IS PROBABLY MY FAULT BUTI’D REALLY RATHER NOT BE SINGLE RIGHT NOW. DON’TDUMP ME. PLEASE!

‘I’VE GOT A LOTOF ISSUES TODEAL WITH.’

MAYBE I’LL DEALWITH A FEW OFTHEM BEFORE

I DIE BUT MOSTLYI’M JUST GOING

TO REPRESSTHEM. AFTERALL, THEY’RECONVENIENT.

WHEN I’M FEELINGLIKE A BAD GUY,MY ISSUES ARETHE ULTIMATE

EXCUSE. IT’S NOTME; IT’S THEM.

‘I don’t want tohold you back.’

I don’t want to hold you at all. In fact, you’re holding meback. From being happy. But

I’d sound like such a jerk if I saidthat. Which is why I didn’t.■

‘I don’t deserve you.’You’re so much better than me that I haveto break up with you. See what I did there?I’m such a sensitive guy that I dumpedmyself because I didn’t think you’d do it.

‘IS THIS ABOUTYOUR EX?’

THIS COULDN’TPOSSIBLY BE ABOUTME BECAUSE I’M A

NICE GUY. SO, YEAH,IT’S PROBABLY

YOUR FAULT.

Men | Dude Decoder

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA AUGUST 2014 |COSMOPOLITAN 69

P H O T O G R A P H Y D

ON P

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MAGES

T E X T

J A C Q U I M E D D I N G S

, L A U R E N

P A N A R I E L L O A N D

L E R A T O

B O K A K O





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‘I’d dozed off lying on thesand while Rob swam.When I heard him callingme, I sat up – he wasbehind me on his knees,confessing his love andasking me to marry him.I said yes and he showedme the ring – three bladesof grass he had plaitedtogether. The moment feltright so he used it – thereal ring was at home!’Natalie Whitehead, 31,Cape Town

‘I was on a small propellerplane with Tzvi, blindfolded.We landed on snow-covered ground andI found myself in theArctic. We rode reindeer,saw the northern lightsand took a Husky sledto an ice hotel. When heproposed I cried, and mytears froze on my face!’ Amy Shishler, 29, Jo'burg

BLING ON IT!

Fiancée Files










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COSMOFiancée Files


o engagement announcementcomes without a photo of thering – sometimes up to vepics. A day. And as anyone

who’s ever snapped a mani knows, our handsdon’t always hold up under ash, no matterthe lter. So it’s not surprising that the closescrutiny of those Instagrams has led to anexplosion of ‘hand-lifts’ among the newlyyessed. And South Africans aren’t immune.

Soon-to-be brides have specic concernsabout their face and hands as those areas will

be the focus of photos, says Dr Maureen Allem,founder and medical director of Skin, Body &Health Renewal and Oasis Spas. ‘They don’twant their hands to look bony in the close-ups,’she says. ‘Where there has been volume loss,we use dermal llers to put the volume back.The result is instant and lasts six to eightmonths. The llers are made of hyaluronic acid,which is 100% naturally occurring in the body,so we’re not introducing foreign substancesthat are in any way harmful to the skin.

The worst that can happen is bruising,which resolves quickly after treatment.’

Other treatments recommended byAllem to give you, er, a hand-up includechemical or laser resurfacing, medicalneedling and carboxytherapy.

And side effects? Allem highlights theimportance of seeing a qualied, trainedmedical professional. ‘With lasers andchemical peels, there is always a riskof burning or blistering if you have notbeen correctly prepped or treated,’ she

says. ‘Make sure you choose a recognised,established clinic for your treatments.’ Shealso suggests you follow a post-treatmentmaintenance plan.

Doctors at Skin Renewal’s branches inthe Western Cape, Gauteng and KwaZulu-Natal are also often consulted in the lastmonths before the I-do date, says Allem.Crash diets and nerves play havoc withbridal complexions and skin tone – worthremembering if you plan to shed kilos! ■

HOW FAR WOULDYOU GO FOR YOUR

Engagement

Would you snap it the momentthe ring slips onto your nger orwait till a er your hand-li ? (Yup,that’s what we said: ‘hand-li ’!)

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COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

IF YOU SAID NOTO HAND LIFTSBUT WOULD LIKETO REJUVENATEYOUR HANDS, TRYSKIN NEEDLING

What it is Rollers with nesurgical needles arerolled over the skin ina crisscross motion.What it doesThe skin is ‘injured’slightly to kick-start

its natural healingmode, stimulatingcollagen and elastinproduction. Needlingcreates microscopicpunctures so it’sminimally invasive.Does it hurt?A numbing cream isapplied to sensitiveareas (such as yourface) before needling– but the procedureshould be painless.Your skin will feel andlook mildly sunburntfor about 24 hoursand you should seeresults (smoother,tighter skin) within aweek. A course of twoto four sessions (witheight weeks betweentreatments) is bestfor long-term results.

Selfie?





COSMO COMPETITION

COMPETITION RULES 1. SMSs will be charged at R1,50 each across all networks. Free SMSs do not apply. 2. The prize will go to the rst correct entry drawn by meansof a random-number generator, making the selection completely fair and free of bias. 3. Readers may send as many SMSs as they wish before 31 August 2014. 4. The

outcome is nal; no correspondence will be entered into. 5. The winner will be noti ed by e-mail. 6. Prize must be claimed within three months of noti cation, or anotherwinner will be chosen. 7. Staff members of JVR & Associates (Pty) Ltd and its af lia tes, American Swiss, their advertising and promotion agencies and their immediate

families may not enter. 8. The prize is not transferable and cannot be converted into cash. 9. By providing your contact details you’re giving COSMOPOLITAN permission to communicate with you via these channels. 10. No person may enter a competition hosted partly or in whole by COSMOPOLITAN within six months of winning any

competition hosted partly or in whole by COSMOPOLITAN. 11. For more terms and conditions, go to page 141.

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of a bygone era of feminine glamour ora modern twist of impeccable style, the

perfect jewellery to pair it with is thisexquisite bracelet, enhanced by up to 100

hand-set diamonds and finished with classicmilgrain detail. One reader has the chanceof winning this piece of heirloom jewellery.

Find exclusive designs such asthis diamond bracelet at selected

American Swiss stores.

Question: What is the value ofthe bracelet that you can win?Visit Cosmopolitan.co.za to enter

OR SMS* your answer to 35441 before31 August 2014. Don’t use any punctuation

and begin your SMS with COSMO AmericanSwiss, followed by your answer, name, surname,

postal address and e-mail address, forexample: COSMO American Swiss answer

name surname address e-mail.* FREE SMSs DO NOT APPLY.







COSMOFiancée Files

Your BlingBecause hands and nails that

haven’t been cared for will takethe shine off your sparkler

SEARCH ‘ENGAGEMENT MANI’ AT COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA FOR AN EASY, STEP BY STEP RING BEARER MANI GUIDE

eing newly engaged means focuson you and your new ring. Everyonewill be grabbing your hand to take a

look – so we called on nail-art expertChi Chi to help get your tips in shape.

Party Polish

The Best Way to

Show Off

Morgan Taylor NailLacquer (R110 each)

Nautically Inclined(cool undertones),

Prettier In Pink(warm undertones)

and Scene Queen(atters both)

Art ClassConsider these threethings when choosinga polish shade for yourengagement party:

1 SKIN TONE Find coloursthat suit your skin tone, whichwill be either cool or warm.

2 COLOUR SCHEME Shades that match or areslightly darker or lighter willbe the most attering. Thinklilac nails with your violetengagement-party dress.

3 CLASSIC NUDES Neutralsare always a safe, classy choice– nudes and light pinks lookgorgeous on long, oval nails.

Chi Chi designed these two cute manis for our COSMObrides-to-be. ‘You want your ring to be the focus, so you

don’t want nails that are too busy,’ she says.

The Ring BearerApply a light-pink shade to

all nails. Accent the ring ngerwith pink glitter polish to show

off your diamond. ■But rst, let’s takea perfect #ringsele…

Moisturise before yousnap. Dry skin is never sexy!

Know thy ring. Capture thequalities you like best. Lovethe setting? Snap the pic at anangle so everyone can see it.

Want to emphasise the shapeof the stone? Snap from above.

Light it right. Shoot closeto a window – natural light willgive the jewels a pretty sparkle.

Remember: no ash!


B

The Romantic FrenchPaint all nails with nude polish.Once dry, apply white polish totips, using a sponge to create

the ombre effect.

Gosh NailLacquer (R79)Silk with CKOne Long Wear+ Shine NailColour (R145)Point Blanc

Rimmel 60 Seconds RitaOra Nail Polish (R69,95)Lose Your Lingerie withNails Inc Special Effects3D Nail Polish (R120 atEdgars) Marylebone







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that a century of magical momentsbrings. The pieces are as breathtaking

as when he gets down on one knee,takes out that little white box and says

those four words… And you said yes.Now start your future with beautiful jewellery from Sterns. One COSMO

reader stands the chance of winningan 18ct yellow-and-white-gold diamond

ring and a pair of 9ct white-gold diamondstuds, with a total diamond weight of 1ct,

all worth R62 000. It’s the perfect startto your ‘happily ever after’!

COMPETITION RULES 1. SMSs will be charged at R1,50 each across all networks. Free SMSs do not apply. 2. The prize will go to the rst correct entry drawn by meansof a random-number generator, making the selection completely fair and free of bias. 3. Readers may send as many SMSs as they wish before 31 August 2014. 4. Theoutcome is nal; no correspondence will be entered into. 5. The winner will be noti ed by e-mail. 6. Prize must be claimed within three months of noti cation, or anotherwinner will be chosen. 7. Staff members of JVR & Associates (Pty) Ltd and its af lia tes, Sterns, their advertising and promotion agencies and their immediate families

may not enter. 8. The prize is not transferable and cannot be converted into cash. 9. By providing your contact details you’re giving COSMOPOLITAN permission t ocommunicate with you via these channels. 10. No person may enter a competition hosted partly or in whole by COSMOPOLITAN within six months of winning any

competition hosted partly or in whole by COSMOPOLITAN. 11. For more terms and conditions, go to page 141.

Visit Cosmopolitan.co.za to enterOR SMS* your answer to 35441

before 31 August 2014. Don’t useany punctuation and begin your

SMS with COSMO Sterns, followedby your answer, name, surname,

postal address and e-mail address,for example: COSMO Sterns answer

name surname address e-mail.* FREE SMSs DO NOT APPLY.

Question: How many yearsof experience does Sterns have?








How TO STOP

ThisFROM

Splitting YOU UP

One ring and four words caneither take your relationship to the next stage or end it forever.

By Natalie Blenford

e’ve all met them:couples who breakup soon after gettingengaged. But why

does it happen so often? Many coupleslive together before getting married,so you’d think we’d feel condentabout that next step – but this doesn’t

seem to be the case. ‘It’s exciting tobe proposed to, and initially manywomen revel in their new status,’says Lucy Beresford, psychotherapistand author of Happy Relationships .‘But getting engaged brings thingsinto focus. Anxiety and a sense ofbeing trapped can intensify. Somewomen realise they didn’t actuallywant to commit. It’s hard to go backon such a big decision, so they panic.’

Psychotherapist and relationshipcounsellor Leila Collins says it’sgenerally still men who propose, andit’s key to work out their motivation– getting engaged shouldn’t beprompted by an urge just to ‘do thenext bit’ or follow friends’ example.

WARNINGSIGN 1

You weren’t as excited as you thought you would be Pay attention if you don’t experiencethe good kind of butteries when heproposes. Engagement is the idealtest of whether your feelings for eachother are as strong as you think theyare. ‘A proposal brings the relationship

to a head and makes the prospectof a commitment real,’ says Collins.‘If the question leaves you shockedor numb instead of excited, that’sa signal you have to listen to.’

This happened to Chantelle Rees,25, when her boyfriend of eight yearsproposed in 2010. ‘We’d had a perfect

night out,’ she recalls. ‘I was veryhappy, thinking, “This can’t getany better”, when suddenly he wason one knee, holding an engagementring. I was shocked. At rst I said“thank you” instead of yes. Aftera few awkward minutes I did sayyes, then suddenly I felt drowsy,and all I wanted to do was go tosleep. The next day I wonderedwhy I wasn’t more excited.’

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COSMOFiancée Files






Six months later, she nally admittedher ancé wasn’t the one she wantedto spend her life with. ‘My decision tosay yes had been based on logic – we’dbeen dating for ages and my parentsloved him, so I felt like I should.’ Shesoon split from him for good. ‘Lookingback, I knew when he proposed thathe wasn’t the one, but I was atteredand I found myself agreeing to it.’

WARNINGSIGN 2

He won’t talk aboutthe wedding at all ‘To generalise, weddings do tend toexcite women more than men,’ saysBeresford. ‘But if your ancé never

wants to talk about it, there couldbe a problem.’

‘I’d been with my boyfriend fortwo years when we got engaged,’ saysLou*, 27. ‘At rst he constantly talkedabout getting married and having afamily – but as time went by and thepossibility of actually walking downthe aisle became real, he seemed tofreak out. Whenever I tried to set adate he’d be vague and say thingssuch as, “I need to save money rst”or (his favourite) “Well, we’ll neverbe able to do it if you keep going onat me”.’ In the end, after a four-yearengagement, they split up. ‘He lost allinterest in me and stopped supportingme in my career. I realised he’d neverbe the right husband for me.’

You’ve had a fast romance If you met your man and got engagedat (almost) rst sight, your brain couldbe getting confused by a judgment-

impairing cocktail of oxytocin andadrenaline, the effects of which couldmean you end up engaged to a manyou hardly know. ‘The rst six monthsof a relationship are overwhelming –that’s why it’s called the honeymoonperiod,’ says Beresford. ‘If you getengaged during this time, you haveto be 100% sure the other person hasthe same approach to money, work,family, delity and loyalty as you.’

RELATIONSHIP EXPERT LUCY BERESFORDSHARES HER TOP TIPS FOR MAKING SURE

YOUR ENGAGEMENT DOESN’T SIGNALTHE END OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP

COMMUNICATEMake sure you’re on the same page about whyyou’re getting married. If he won’t talk about

the wedding and you’re worried, say somethingcasual but to the point, such as, ‘It’s really funny– every time I talk about cupcakes, you switchoff. Are you bored of cupcakes or the idea ofmarrying me?’ Perhaps the problem is thewedding, not you – he might want to elope

instead of tying the knot in front of 200 people.Keep the communication going and hopefully

you can work those niggling doubts out.

DON’T BECOME A BRIDEZILLAYour wedding day is important but don’t make itthe be-all and end-all. Keep a weekly date night

in your diary so you can take the relationshipback to its roots. You, him and a night out talking

about everything but the wedding = good.

DO A VALUE CHECK Sometimes people have sex, fall in love, start arelationship and, before you know it, it’s been sixyears. But you haven’t stopped to admit, ‘I hatethe way he fritters money away.’ These issues

will come into sharp focus once you’re planninga future. Keep an eye on your anger levels andtalk to him if your views don’t seem aligned.


G E T T Y


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COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

‘I’m so over you…But I do like this

picture of myself!’

Howto Keep a

When Jessica*, 33, met Nick*online, she fell hard and found herself

engaged three months later. ‘It wasa fairy-tale romance,’ she says. ‘Helived in another town so we only saweach other on weekends, and the timewe spent together was so intense,it felt like we knew each other morethan we did. But as time went by,I realised he wasn’t who he’d seemedto be at rst. He was sending sexye-mails to another girl, for one thing.We split up soon afterwards; it tookme a year to get over it.’

You’ve started ghtingall the time If you’re disagreeing about everything ,your relationship could be at risk ofturning toxic. ‘People often arguein the run-up to big events such asweddings,’ says Rachel Andrew, aclinical psychologist specialising infamily and relationships. ‘These areimportant life milestones, so we loadthem with emotional signicance,

which can make us prone to ghting.’But constant arguing might suggestthe two of you are always going toclash at stressful times – and there’llbe a lot more of those to come. ‘Ifyou’re in a healthy relationship,you’ll feel happy discussing yourworries and working out a plan ofaction,’ says Andrew. ‘But if youkeep ghting, at least one of youcould have deeper issues.’ ■

WARNINGSIGN 4

WARNINGSIGN 3

Fiancée Files COSMO

on It






COSMOFiancée Files

Throw anHOW TO

ent Party Make yours epic!

He asked, you answered, your Facebooktimeline is buzzing. Time to paaar-tay!Friends, food, drinks … stress? No way– just use COSMO’s guide and you’vegot this!

STEP 1 What will it be?Decide what kind of celebration youwant: intimate family gathering (we’dleave that to your mom but, you know,your call), cocktail party at a nightclub,or back-yard throwdown.

STEP 2 Lock it down

Choose a date, a theme and a venue. STEP 3 Who’s coming?There are two ways of approachinga guest list. Conventional wisdomsays that whoever you invite to theengagement party has to be invitedto the wedding. But say you plan toget married with just a priest, yourparents and the penguins in Antarctica,and perhaps you want to invite everyoneelse to your EP. We say that’s ne – justlet everyone know the form.

Now send the invites. Almost

anything works: e-mail, SMS, phonecall, snail mail, schmaltzy, funny – butthe invite will set the tone for the party,so if you have a theme, tie it in.

STEP 4 RefreshersSort the food, drinks and music.

STEP 5 WardrobeYou need a frock. Go shopping. Yay!

STEP 6 PartyYou know what to do.

Personalise It! While weddings tend towards the formal, an engagement

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

BY ANN ELLIS BROWN

Any and everytrack that meanssomething to youguys. Struggling?Start here:

#Beautiful MariahCarey feat. Miguel;Feel This Moment Pitbull feat. ChristinaAguilera; Happy Pharrell Williams;Heart Attack DemiLovato; Heartbeat The Fray; Hearts OnFire Cut Copy; Ho HeyThe Lumineers; I GottaFeeling The Black EyedPeas; Just The WayYou Are Bruno Mars;Kiss Me Ed Sheeran;Love Song Adele;Makes Me Wonder Maroon 5; Marry YouBruno Mars; No One Alicia Keys; OverjoyedMatchbox Twenty;Paper Planes M.I.A;Rather Be Clean Banditfeat. Jess Glynne; Smile Lily Allen;Talk Coldplay;We Found Love Rihannafeat. Calvin Harris;Without You DavidGuetta feat. Usher

De lir iou s l y a p p y

T h e o n l y t h e m e

is lo v e …

Theme it‘A theme is not necessaryfor an engagement party,’says Karen Short of ByWord Of Mouth in Jo’burg– but whatever you decide,keep it real and all about you . You met on holiday inMexico? Fiesta time! Yourrst date was a movie? Tellguests to come dressedas Hollywood characters/stars. See? Easy and real.

Pin itPhilippa Stewart ofThe Perfect Proposal inCape Town advises hiringa photographer but ‘if thebudget is tight, create ahashtag and ask guests toshare their pics on socialmedia.’ There’s also theWedding Party app – yourmates can upload pics andleave messages, which youcan download a erwards.






COSMOFiancée Files

party gives more opportunity to celebrate who you and your guy are. Try these:

‘Getting marriedis expensive, sodon’t blow theentire budget onthe engagementparty,’ saysStewart. Workout a realistic

budget beforeyou decide whatkind of partyyou want. ‘Thesize and style ofthe celebrationwill be dictatedby the budget.’Need help? Leta party plannertake care of thedetails while youfocus on poppingthe bubbly – theycan make surethat you get themost zz foryour nance. ■

Q Is it tacky to have a registrylist for an engagement party?

A registry is as useful for guests as it is for you.Have one that you keep going till the wedding:a mix of presents as well as a means for gueststo chip in towards the expenses you have aheadof you. Wishforit.co.za is a new South African sitethat lets you make a list of what you want (newdining-room table, silk sheets, honeymoon, cuckooclock (really?), glasses, cutlery, whatever); guestscontribute what they would have spent had theybought you another salad bowl you don’t need.

Q Who makes the speeches?According to Stewart, traditionally, the

father of the bride is the rst to raise his glassfor the toast; the groom says a few words to hisbride-to-be, thanks guests and welcomes thefamilies. ‘But who says the bride can’t say a fewwords too? Just keep it short and genuine.’

Q Is it okay to skip the whole thing?Short answer: yes. Nothing wrong with

that. You’ve got a wedding to plan, after all.

So We’re Clear…

Keep itLeave a pile of Jengablocks on the bar withcoloured permanent pens.Ask mates to write downmessages of advice. Everytime it rains and you getthe Jenga out, you’ll betransported back to thenight. (If you’ll only get the Jenga out when your rst-born turns ve, use pretty‘advice’ cards instead.)

Eat itWhether your folks aresplurging on a catered door you’re toasting endlesslove with BYOB and 250friends on a beach, thinkabout ‘you two’. Shortrecommends portabledining – ‘cocktails andcanapés, then assortedbowl food and a dessertdisplay. This way peoplecan mingle and talk.’

I M A G E S ,

B L O O M B E R G / G E T T Y


I M A G E S ,

T H I N K S T O C K ,

R E X

F E A T U R E S

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Give itParty favours are greatconversation pieces forguests who might not knoweach other, and can doubleas table decorations – thinknovelty rings, ‘save the date’fridge magnets, fortunecookies or bags of caramelpopcorn. (‘He popped thequestion.’) (So corny!) (Butthere’s a kernel of truth inthere.) (We’ll stop now…)

FOR MORE PARTY TIPS, GO TO COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA AND SEARCH‘ENGAGEMENT PARTY’

Search ‘engagement cake’and ‘engagement planning’at Cosmopolitan.co.za , andscore: By Word Of Mouth isgiving away an engagementparty cake worth R3 000 to aJo’burg reader, while a CapeTown reader will win party-planning services worth R3 000from The Perfect Proposal.FOR MORE IDEAS, CHECK OUTBywordofmouth.co.za andTheperfectproposal.co.za .

WIN!

Sm a ll g if t s , b ig im p a c t

Sa y i t on w ood

Pre t t y , n i b b l y a n d

d a m n d e liciou s

http://wishforit.co.za/








http://bywordofmouth.co.za/

http://theperfectproposal.co.za/



http://bywordofmouth.co.za/







E m i l y B l u n t a n d J a s o n

S e g e l c o u l d n ’ t b e m o r e

t h r i l l e d w i t h The Five-

Year Engagem ent…

W H I C H I S B E T T E R :

n g a g e e n t ? O R V E R Y L O GT h e V e r S h o r t

B Y A N N A BR ES L A W






COSMOFiancée Files

illy Crystal tells Meg Ryan at the endof When Harry Met Sally… , ‘When youwant to spend the rest of your life with

someone, you want the rest of your life to startas quickly as possible.’ But remake the movie

with urban 20-somethings circa 2014, and it’s‘as soon as I can nish my master’s’ or ‘get thatpromotion’ or ‘afford a bigger apartment’. Manycouples are stretching out their engagementsfor as long as their friends and family will letthem. Which one ultimately bodes better – avery long engagement or a shotgun wedding?

This brings us to theelephant in the roomamong couples putting

off marriage: FOMO.Are one or both partnersdallying because they’restill checking out otheroptions? ‘If a couple putsoff marriage, they haveto look at the motivationbehind a long engagement,’says Marni Battista, founderand CEO of Dating withDignity. This phenomenoncommonly occurs withcelebrity couples: SofíaVergara and Nick Loebannounced in May thattheir two-year engagementwas done – her continuedrelationship with an exwas cited. There are alsorumours Miley Cyrus isnot over Liam Hemsworth– but two years ago shecalled off their 18-monthengagement because shefelt she was ‘too young’.

THE MEDIUMSo what is the averagelength of an engagement?By celebrity event plannerShawn Rabideau’sdenition, 10 monthsis the ideal length toplan a dream ceremonywithout over-planning.

Michelle* and Daniel*dated on and off for 10years before gettingengaged. They are nowmarried, and she says thattheir wait time – 11 months– was the perfect length.They were able to plantheir ideal wedding, andhad enough time to seek

out the most cost-efcientoptions. ‘Any longer andI would have got impatient,’says Michelle. ‘Any shorterand I might have feltrushed and stressed.’

She also recalls severalfriends who waited longer,then suffered post-nuptial‘wedding withdrawal’after the big day. ‘Theyhad had so much timeto obsess over it andplan every detail, it wascompletely consuming –and then it was just over.They had no idea whatto do with themselves.’

THE SHORTJessica* and Kale*, bothin their late 20s, dated forfour months before gettingengaged. Their weddingdate is set for next month.

Most of her family issupportive, says Jessica.‘They’ve known me longenough to know that myfeelings are real and trueand enduring.’

But there are naysayers– among them, one of hersisters. ‘I’ve sensed that afew people think Kale andI are moving too fast. Somehave said to me that wecan “always get a divorceif it doesn’t work out”. Um,newsash! That’s a rudething to say to someonewho just got engaged!’

Battista says short-termcompatibility is easy to

nd but that ‘the test ofa successful relationshipis how you, as a couple,get back to compatibility’as both of you mature aspeople after the marriage.It’s tough for Jessica andKale to predict whetherthey’ll make it throughthe growing pains, saysBattista, but ‘if [a coupleis] over 40 and has a clearidea of what they want, ashort engagement mightwork.’ Sussman is moreblunt: ‘A couple who meetsand gets engaged within90 days, then gets marriedafter another 90 days…?I’m not so sure about that.’

Rabideau is lessjudgmental about thetimeline. In fact, he’sexcited by the hands-on approach that groomswith brief engagementstake to the planning.

‘The biggest trend I seeis that, during shorterengagements, groomsare getting involved inthe planning. For methis is quite refreshing –because it shows a vestedinterest by both the brideand the groom.’ ■

* SURNAME HAS BEEN WITHHELD

It’s good for couplesto know each other for atleast a year or two before

they get married

SEARCH ‘PROPOSAL’ AT COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA FOR READERS’HILARIOUS AND ROMANTIC PROPOSAL CONFESSIONS


R E X

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, G E T T Y

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G E S / G A L L O

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THE LONGDan* and Emma* wereboth anti-marriage when

they met, but after datingfor more than four yearsand getting a legal domesticpartnership, they decidedit was a good way to go.They haven’t set a dateyet but it’ll be at least twoyears from now. Educationwas a higher priority thanwedding planning for bothof them. ‘Both Emma andI wanted me to be much closer to nishing my thesisby the wedding,’ saysDan. They’re also set ona particular venue, whichrarely rents out for events.

While traditional familymembers are perplexed bythe wait time, therapist andrelationship expert RachelSussman is on the couple’sside. ‘It’s good for couplesto know each other for atleast a year or two beforethey get married,’ she says.‘It gives them time to get

to know each other, andto secure the foundationand the friendship.’

There are social benetsto a long engagement aswell, says Emma. ‘It feels abit like having it both ways– avoiding the stereotypesthat come with beingsingle and the ones thatcome with being married.’








COSMOFiancée Files

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

It might. But you shoulddo it anyway. Here’s why.BY BETHANY HEITMANUltimatum

Send Him Packing? Will an






E R I C

M C N A T T

, C O U R T E S Y

O F

T H E

V I N E Y A R D

H O T E L

It feels like all yourfriends got engagedin the last six months– and your guy’s taking

forever to pop the question.You’re too scared to broachthe ring subject; after all,men are notoriously skittishabout ‘till death do us part’.But as relationship therapistKrista Bloom says, ‘if you’vebeen together for a whileand he’s not moving thingsforward with a proposal, youshould have a conversationto get what you need.’

When to bring it up Every couple sets a differentrelationship pace, so there’sno rule that says you shouldbe discussing a proposal afterX amount of time. That said,there are some guidelines youcan follow. If you’ve been togetherfor only four or ve months, it’s toosoon to detail the kind of ring you’relusting after. At this point you’restill getting to know each other,so it may weird him out. But it’salso not realistic to wait for yearsbefore bringing it up. ‘After you’vebeen in a serious, monogamousrelationship for more than a year,it’s reasonable to want to talk tohim about the future,’ says Bloom.

How to do it If you’re not careful, issuing anultimatum can sound like a threat,making your guy feel like a cagedanimal. To avoid freaking him out,

it’s important to be rm but calm.The best way to make sure

you stay relaxed is to talk to himas soon as you realise marriagehas been on your mind frequently.‘If you wait until your feelingsare boiling over, you’re bound tosound impatient, which may causehim to stop listening to you,’ saysAnthony Riche, author of Finally!How To Stop Dating Losers Forever .

Remember: bringing somethingup and chatting about it for therst time is not an ultimatum.An ultimatum is a last resort,and experts agree that youshould only deliver one whenyou’re prepared to lose yourguy completely, and have thecourage to leave him and start

a new life without him.The reason for this is that ifhe refuses to marry you and youdon’t walk out on the relationship,you will have lost all credibilityin his eyes – and in your own.What’s more, he will probablysee it as a sign that he can dowhatever he likes, withoutany repercussions.

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When you start getting thosepersistent wedding-bell urges,nd a non-stressful time to chat,for example during a quiet dinner.Be direct. ‘Men don’t do well withhints, so telling him at out whatyou want will have the best results,’says Bloom. Tell him you picture himas your husband and that you wantto know if he’s on the same page. Ortry ‘I love being with you and wantto move our relationship forward –I need to know if you feel the same.’

When to back off You can’t expect him to proposeimmediately. Remember, you’vehad some time to let everythingpercolate, but this is new to him.

‘Give him a few weeks to thinkabout his feelings on marriage,’says Riche. Make a date to havea follow-up conversation – anddon’t bring it up again before then.

Once he makes a decision, it’sup to you where you go from there.‘You can invite a man to proposebut you can’t force him to do it,’says Bloom. ‘If he’s really not ready,you have to decide whether youwant to wait for him or move on.’ ■








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T o p R 1 7 5 0, A l b e r t u s S w a n e p o e

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STOCKISTS ON PAGE 141



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Some everyday things you docould be doing you a lot of damage.This is your fix-and-recharge plan!BY MARTA TOPRAN

Help!

Rehab!

❛

❛




Beauty sleep is a real thing. A studyin the British Medical Journal showed

that participants were consideredmore attractive after sleeping fora full eight hours than when theyhad been sleep-deprived.

REHAB PLAN The easiest way to getproper ZZZs is through aromatherapy.Don’t roll your eyes – science backs it up!When you inhale a calming scent suchas vanilla, or lavender (a proven stressreducer), you’ll feel the tensiondissolve. Set the mood fora great snooze by dimmingthe lights and turning offthe TV, laptop and phoneat least 20 minutes beforebed – electronicdevices produceblue-light waves,which have beenfound to interferewith sleep.

Jo Malone Vanilla &Anise Scented Candle(R720);Kiehl’s GentlyExfoliating Body Scrub“Lavender” (R340)

Constantly changing nail polishis harsh – especially if it’s spikedwith shimmer or glitter, which scrapesnails as it’s removed, says Tracylee, acelebrity nail pro at Sally Hansen. Andif you’re into gel manicures but can’thelp picking off the colour as it startsto lift, you’re actually strippingaway complete layers of nail,causing tips to grow back

weak and aky. Stop it, now! REHAB PLAN Massagenails with oil twice aday. ‘This will promoteblood ow so nails growfaster and stronger,’says Tracylee.Strengtheningtreatments also help.

CND SolarOil Nail & CuticleConditioner (R189);Sally Hansen Nail Rehab Strengthener (R79,95)

So you

So you

haven’t had eight hours’ sleep in ages

tortured your nailswith a zillion manis

Beauty | Fixes

too fog

t g t

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This is the biggest skinmistake, says dermatologistDebra Jaliman. When youpass out without soapingup, makeup, oil and deadskin cells get trapped insidepores, causing breakouts andsmall bumps – and stretchingpores over time. Eeek! REHAB PLAN Try three straightnights of double exfoliation fora facial-grade clean-up: use facewash with salicylic or alphahydroxyl acid to get rid of deadskin cells and makeup, then usean exfoliating scrub. ‘If your skinis dry or irritable, nish with anoil-free lotion,’ says Jaliman.

Garnier So ening Cleansing Lotion Goodbye Dry…(R59,95);Dermalogica Daily Resurfacer (R850)

Every time you hit hair with heat(from a blow-dryer, curling iron,straightener or set of hot rollers)– and especially if you do it morethan once a day – you suckmoisture out of the strands anddeplete their protein structureand supply. ‘Today’s tools canget very hot, so dryness anddamage are common,’ sayscelebrity stylist Theodore Leaf.

REHAB PLAN Every Sunday for veweeks, commit to treating your hairfor a full episode of your favouriteTV show – preferably one that’s anhour long. Mix a generous scoop ofa protein-rich mask with some hairoil, then apply the mixture to damphair, pin into a bun and puton a shower cap. Not glam –but it locks in heat, allowingthe cuticles to expand sothe product can penetratemore deeply, says Leaf.

L’Oréal Professionel Pro-KeratinRell Correcting Care Masque (R250);Moroccanoil Treatment (R450)

So you

So you

crawl into bedwithout washing your face – a lot

heat-styled thehell out of your hair

The two main gripes fromkiller kicks: soreness on theballs of the feet (where weighttends to concentrate), andcalluses caused by too-tightstraps and ill-tting shoes. REHAB PLAN Relieve sorenessby soaking feet in an Epsom-salts bath for 10 minutes, thenmassaging them, says Tracylee.Soften rough spots by moisturisingbefore bed.

Eucerin Intensive Foot Cream (R115)

live in heelsSo you

WHAT’S THE ONE BEAUTY RULE YOU SWEAR BY? LET USKNOW ON TWITTER @COSMOPOLITANSA #BEAUTYRULES

Hairstyling toolscan get very hot, sodryness and damageare common

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binged on salty snacksSo you

Sugar affects the brain in the same waysome drugs do, bringing on cravings andeven mild withdrawal symptoms, saysnutritionist Etti Ben-Zion. It also stressesskin out with a chemical process calledglycation. As blood-sugar levels spike,so does your natural level of advancedglycation end-products. ‘These stiffencollagen and elastin – the reason nelines and wrinkles are more noticeablea er a few weeks of unhealthy eating,’says Jaliman. REHAB PLAN Eat ‘cleanly’ for seven days:cut out dessert, sweeteners, rened carbs(white rice and bread), junk food, alcoholand soft drinks. Fill up on veg, fruit, leanproteins (chicken or sh), healthy grains(brown riceand quinoa)and water, saysBen-Zion. Andtreat yourselfto a face mask! ■

Dior DiorSnow WhiteReveal Extreme CoolingGel Mask (R1 285)

So you ate all the sweets

So you got sunburnt onyour mid-year break

Beauty | Fixes

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

TINELLI,GREATSTOCK/TRUNKARCHIVE.COM

/WALTERCHIN,

S É B A S T I E N

R O H N E R

, C H R I S J A N S E N

P R I C E S

C O R R E C T

A T

T I M E

O F

G O I N G

T O

P R E S S

P R I C E S A R E R E C O M M E N D E D

R E T A I L P R I C E S

When you take a sunny trip, you’relikely to let your regular sunscreen

regimen slide. If you’ve been connedto an ofce, your body is slower torepair itself because it’s out of practice– so skin-cancer risk is higher, saysdermatologist Marta Rendon.

REHAB PLAN Prevent peeling by hydratingskin three to four times a day with anantioxidant-packed moisturiser. Gotsunspots? Use a pigment-fading serum.

Lancôme Absolue PreciousCells Cream (R2 400);Pond’s Flawless WhiteUltra LuminousSerum (R99,99)

Sodium (salt) dehydrates the body, stoppingit from ushing out uids, which then poolunder skin. The most obvious effect is puffyeyes. ‘Fluid retention can’t hide under thepaper-thin skin there,’ says Jaliman. You’ll feellarger – even cellulite becomes exaggerated!

REHAB PLAN Drink two glasses of water to ushyour system. To deate undereye bags, apply acool compress for 10 minutes. To combat cellulite,spend ve minutes dry-brushing your body, thenuse a caffeinated bloat-busting cream.

Elemis Body Detox Skin Brush (R465); Palmer’s Cocoa Butter FormulaFirming Butter (R55)


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Look Hot

with a Hangover These tricks from Tim Quinn, makeup artist at Giorgio Armani Beauty, areeven better the morning a er than a bacon-egg-and-cheese toastie. For real!

BY LONI ALBERT

REFRESH REDUCE RED CONCEAL BRIGHTEN

POST-RAGERERASERS1 Refresh Apply a chilled, hydrating papermask – they’re more concentrated thanregular masks. Try Skin Republic CoQ10+ Caviar Face Mask (R36,99).2 Reduce red Use eye drops; close eyesfor 30 seconds to let the formula absorb.Our fave: Similasan Dry Eye Relief EyeDrops (R91,90 at Healthcart.co.za ).3 Conceal Neutralise undereye shadowswith a pink-based concealer alongundereye bones, and blend upwardstowards the lash line.4 Brighten Trace the lower inner rimsof the eyes with nude eyeliner.

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA110 COSMOPOLITAN | AUGUST 2014

Beauty | Morning-A er Help

To start…You probably didn’t do a greatclean-up job last night. Fix it nowwith a gentle scrub (to li surfacedirt and makeup) and a foamingface wash to cleanse pores. A coolrinse will help calm ruddy skin.1 Neutrogena Visibly Clear Pink Grapefruit FacialWash (R79,95) 2 Johnson’s Daily Essentials GentleExfoliating Wash (R47,95)

Next up…Your four big challenges: bar rash(booze causes facial blood vessels todilate), undereye circles (from crappysleep), and dry skin and bloodshoteyes (alcohol dehydrates). Nix themwith the ‘Post-rager erasers’ – thenapply an extra-moisturising BB cream.1 Smashbox Always Sharp Waterproof KôhlLiner (R325) Bare 2 Clarins Instant Light RadianceBoosting Complexion Base (R310) Rose 3 Almay Wake Up Undereye Concealer (R169) 4 Vichy Idéalia BB Cream SPF 25 (R309) Light Shade

Almost done!Upper-eyelid skin is thin, soredness here is very noticeable.Use a neutral shadow with a hintof shimmer to conceal and reectlight. Line the top lash line in navy,and apply blue-black mascara.(Blue tones help brighten eyes.)1 Gosh Smokey Eye Liner (R110) Smokey Blue2 Estée Lauder MagnaScopic Maximum VolumeMascara (R295) Black 3 Essence Eye Sorbet (R44,95)Illuminating Plum

1

2

3

4

1

2

1

23

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Finishing touchesTo fake a well-rested glow, sweep a so -pink blush along cheekbones(but not on the apples). Apply bold lipstick (such as the ones picturedabove and right) to focus attention on your gorgeous pout.1 Maybelline Dream Bouncy Blush (R89,95) Pink Frosting2 Bobbi Brown Rich Lip Color (R295) Blazing Red

BRIGHT IDEAIf you do nothing else, remembera statement lipstick – it’ll distractfrom party-induced imperfectionsand instantly make you look morepulled together.


B

Apply lipstick,blot and repeat forcolour that lasts

all day.

FOR MORE FOOLPROOF MAKEUP LOOKS, C HECK OUT OUR STEP BYSTEP VIDEOS: SEARCH ‘BEAUTY VIDEOS’ AT COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

J O N

P A T E R S O N / S T U D I O

D P

R I C E S

C O R R E C T

A T

T I M E

O F

G O I N G

T O

P R E S S

P R I C E S

A R E


R E T A I L

P R I C E S

1

2

Orange crush

Chanel Rouge Coco Shine Lipstick (R435) Flirt;Revlon ColorBurst Lip Butter (R145) Tutti Frutti

Maybelline Color Sensational Vivids Lipcolor(R110) Brazen Berry; The Body Shop ColourCrush Lipstick (R120) 15; MAC Lipstick (R190)Candy Yum-Yum

Flirty fuchsia

Red hot

Elizabeth Arden Beautiful Color MoisturizingLipstick (R120) Valentine; Lancôme L’AbsoluRouge (R365) Caprice ■













Fun, Fearless

Nail YourWorkout

with These

Gymming Undies

WE HEART HIPSTERSSuperso , stretch-cotton ‘Brazilians’ sit lowon the legs, offering mid-cheek coverage.Their best feature is the at, elastic edgingthat prevents them riding up and digging

into your skin. (R160, Triumph)

BIKINI HEROESThese mid-rise bikini briefs are made

of 95% cotton and ve percent elastine,and sit low on the hips. No-one will know

you’re wearing them! (R89, Cotton On)

Because the wrong onescan be pure torture

SHORTS ROCK These short briefs are made from an ultra-comfortable, seam-free fabric, and have a100%-cotton gusset lining. The light fabricensures you stay cool and dry during your

workout. (R160, Triumph) ■

T E X T

B R O D I D E E R E

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O

F G

O I N G

T O

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S T O C K I S T S

O N

P A G E

1 4 1




Finding

P

Obsessing about weight is socommon, it feels normal. Buthow much better would yourlife be if you weren’t beatingyourself up about not beinga size 34? By Susan Hayden

‘Yeah, no,don’t put me down

for cardio…’





Body Love | Happy Weight


When ZolaMlalazi, a24-year-oldCape Town

ne-artsstudent, wakes up, her rstthought is not what time herlecture starts or whether or notshe’ll be seeing her boyfriendlater. It’s what she ate the daybefore. If it was a ‘good’ dayand she stuck to lean proteinand salad, she’s happy, andlooks forward to getting on thescale and being reassured thather weight is under control. Butif it was a ‘bad’ day – she wenthome for supper and couldn’tresist a second helping ofher mom’s lamb stew withpot bread, and accepted thechocolate that was doingthe rounds – her hand goesdirectly to her thighs, whereshe’s convinced the extrakilojoules are already showing.

To the outside world, this talented,introspective and extremely prettyyoung woman has a beautiful bodywith curves in all the right places.For Mlalazi, that body is the focus ofan intense, emotionally exhaustingbattle she wages daily, as she ghtsthe genes that dictate that, while shecan be strong and well-proportioned,she’ll never be skinny.

‘Sometimes I think if I took all theenergy I use on trying to be thin andfocused it on my art or a good cause,

I could achieve so much more,’ shesays. ‘But I can’t. I can’t let go of thenotion that I have to be thinner thanI am. Sometimes I get there and I’mhappy, even though I’m hungry. ThenI put the weight back on and I hatemyself. Like now.’

Body-loathing is rifeMlalazi is not alone. According to theSA Body Image Report of 2013, 75% ofwomen have dieted at some point in life.

Ninety-one percent of women surveyedat a US college campus had attempted,at some point, to control their weightthrough dieting, while 22% admittedto dieting ‘often’ or ‘always’. Accordingto another survey, 81% of girls agedjust 10 are already ‘afraid’ of beingfat, and more than 50% of teenagegirls skip meals, fast, vomit and/ortake laxatives in order to controltheir weight.

If you and/or some of your friends

have been doing just that since highschool, your weight xation isn’tjust consuming your energy – it’salso endangering your life. Eatingdisorders have the highest mortalityrate of any mental illness: a soberingreality that says young women arein trouble. We have to make friendswith our bodies and give up on everreaching the model-perfect ideal. Weneed to accept the truth: that very,very few healthy people look likethat or can ever look like that. It’san unattainable goal that locksus into feeling ‘less than’ andsaps the joy from our lives.

And the irony is – as all of uswho have dieted and lost weighttemporarily will know – that thehappiness we’re chasing doesn’texist in measurements, numbersor tting into the tiniest jeans,because the goalposts keepshifting. We might reach our‘ideal’ weight through starvingourselves and exercising butgetting there is often a bit of a

letdown. Everything in our lifedoesn’t miraculously improve oncewe’ve melted our mufn tops away.As Cape Town clinical psychologistJo-Lynne du Randt explains, ‘Wehang on to the erroneous beliefthat thin equals happy – but thinequals nothing. It’s just thin.’

Yet a lot of women have managednot to get caught up in this madness,and have learnt to love their bodies –dimples, imperfections, curves and all.

Imagine how much more fun lifewould be if, instead of living inconstant dissatisfaction, we couldcelebrate the sexiness of a roundedtummy and the beautifully feminine

curves of womanly hips and a good-sized bum. And how l iberating itwould be if, when invited to a specialevent, we didn’t immediately startplotting how to drop three kilos,and feel hungry and deprived sowe’d look ‘perfect’ on the night…

Tame your inner trollIt might seem easier said than donebut actually changing the way yousee yourself is less complicated thanyou think – and it has a lot to do withwhat we tell ourselves about who weare, and that horrible, critical voicein our head. Next time you step outof the shower and your mean innertroll says, ‘Oh man, those are somebig-ass thighs you’re carryingaround,’ actually say this outloud: ‘No, troll. My thighs aregreat. They’re strong and curvyand perfect. My thighs are beautifulbecause they’re a part of me – sowhy don’t you shut the hell up?’It might feel silly but confrontingthe negative voice will actually

start to erode the nasty messagesthat feed our dissatisfaction. It’sa simple mental exercise that issurprisingly effective: say it enoughtimes and you’ll start to believe it.

Quite frankly, spending energyon lamenting a body that doesn’tsubscribe to what media imagestell us is ‘perfect’ is a monumentalwaste of time and energy that couldbe spent pursuing goals, achievingamazing things and having fun.

‘We hang on to theerroneous beliefthat thin equals

happy – but thinequals nothing.

It’s just thin’







http://www.centrum.co.za/



Even though you’re more in career-girl orparty mode, here’s what you need to know

if you ever want to be a yummy mummy.

8 REASONS

TO PUT YOUREGGS ON ICE

2 What are the odds?By the time you’re ready to have a baby, it may be too late.

‘Some young women don’t have a Mr Right, and we suggestthey freeze their eggs at 25. When you get to about 35, youhave to seriously consider it,’ says Thinus Kruger, a fertilityspecialist at Life Vincent Pallotti Hospital. ‘I worked withsomeone who is 43 and has met a nice guy – but her eggsare old. We’re now falling back on the eggs that were frozen.’

5 MathematicsIt’s not always that

you can’t get pregnantwhen you’re older –but you will have morechromosome-decienteggs. Twenty-ve-year-oldscan also have chromosome-

decient eggs but they don’thave to wait as long for theones that are baby-ready.If there’s something wrongwith your eggs, now’s thetime to know.

8 Beat thebiological clock

If you know you wantchildren, even if you

think it’s in the distantfuture, it helps to prepareyourself for possiblehurdles along the way.As time goes on, it getsharder, not easier. Thereis no expiry date on howlong you can freeze youreggs, so your option ofhaving a healthy babythat is biologically yoursbecomes open-ended. ■

6 But not so fast…It costs about R25 000 to freeze your eggs, so you may

need to do some saving rst. Isn’t this a good time to cutdown on the weaves and the three-times-a-day coffee?

1 Age mattersIt doesn’t seem realistic but fertility specialists say

25 is the ideal age to have children. Since most of us arebusy doing other things then, keeping your eggs on icemeans they stay 25 while you don’t. This means the bestchance of having a healthy baby when you’re nally ready.

7 Reality checkYou shouldn’t feel

bad that you have otherplans for your life rightnow. No-one is judgingyou. But know that you’renot invincible – and neitherare your eggs.3 Eggs in a basket

When you get youreggs frozen, between 13and 20 will be harvested.Not every egg is aguaranteed baby butyour frozen eggs stand

more of a chance thanyou hoping you will fallpregnant later. ‘Thirtyyears ago the rst test-tube baby was bornunder my leadership,’says Kruger. ‘Thepotential is there –but we now knowthat it’s only one ortwo in the batch thatcan become a baby.’

4 ‘Perfect’ doesn’t just fall into place

Fertility specialists say thatmost women spend a largepart of their child-bearingyears either waiting forMr Right or climbing the

career ladder. There maynever come a time wheneverything is perfect, soif you can start a familynow, do it! If not, considerfreezing your eggs.

❛

❛


Body Love | Fertility

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

A baby may be the last thing on yourmind right now but here’s why youshould freeze your eggs soon





http://www.albany.co.za/



W hen I t ’s A l wa ys

c Co ffee cu l ture has ne ver been

coo ler – bu t according to a ne w

boo k, t hose cups o f Joe are turning

us in to fu l l- b lo wn jun kies. S hou ld

you be bo t hered ? B y G l ynis Horning



So are we‘heroin-hooked’?Maryke Page, a counsellingpsychologist at RiverviewManor clinic in KwaZulu-Natal, explains that trueaddiction is characterisedby habitual use, a cravingfor constantly increasingdoses to receive the samekick, and well-denedphysiological symptomsof withdrawal. And, saysCarpenter, most coffeeusers do have set habitsof consumption: a coffeerst thing in the morningor a caffeine x to get themover the 3pm slump. Theyalso experience withdrawalsymptoms (sometimes afterjust a night’s sleep).

But not all researchersagree that this adds upto hard-drug addiction.Neurochemist AstridNehlig, author of Coffee,Tea, Chocolate And TheBrain , says regular caffeine

consumers don’t need todrink more for the samebuzz, and that moderatecaffeine consumption (threeto four cups a day) has lowaddictive potential. ‘Thestructures of addiction andreward are not sensitive tolow and moderate amountsof coffee and caffeine, andare only activated after highdoses of caffeine,’ she says.

Making a mountainout of a macchiatoShould you be wary ofcaffeine? It depends, saysCarpenter. Pregnant womenshould have no more thantwo cups a day – heavyconsumption may increaserisks of miscarriage or low-weight babies. People withanxiety disorders shouldalso limit consumption,says Page. But most coffeedrinkers are moderateusers, and while drinkingmore may be ne for oneperson, it can send anotherinto overdrive, causingnervousness, irritability,muscle twitches, tremorsor insomnia. This rests ona number of factors, fromyour genetic dispositionto metabolise caffeine, toyour size and whether yousmoke or take medication.

Women on birth controlmetabolise caffeine twiceas slowly as those who arenot, getting ‘double the jolt’from the same cup of coffee,says Carpenter.

Some fears around coffeeappear groundless. In aDanish review of researchabout coffee and disease,Kjeld Hermansen of theDepartment of ClinicalMedicine at AarhusUniversity said that weneeded to debunk some

of the myths around coffee.

Beans with benetsIf you’re a moderate coffeeconsumer, those four cupsa day are actually good foryou, says the Aarhus report.Carpenter conrms this.By triggering the releaseof dopamine, caffeine canup alertness and make youmore productive, physicallyand mentally. It’s beenshown to increase athleticperformance during bothprolonged enduranceexercise and short-termintense exercise, accordingto the American Collegeof Sports Medicine, aswell as produce improvedcognitive performance.

Body Love | Health Report


he most widely-used drugtoday is a white powder –but it’s not heroin and it’snot sugar. It’s methylatedxanthine, or caffeine, andit carries no social stigma– it’s actually encouraged,

café culture celebrated in trendycoffee bars, barista competitions and tastings.But US journalist Murray Carpenter, author ofCaffeinated: How Our Daily Habit Helps, HurtsAnd Hooks Us , says this freely available andlargely unregulated drug is genuinely addictive.

CUTBACK TO

THREECUPS BECAUSEmore than this cancause heartburn,

irritate stomach ulcersand have long-term

negative health effects.Most common is a rise

in blood pressure,associated with a

raised risk of strokeand cerebrovascular

disease. Studiessuggest that drinkingmore than three cupsa day may increasecalcium excretion in

urine, speeding up boneloss as you get older

and putting you at riskof osteoporosis.

It can also improve mood,at least temporarily, saysCarpenter. And evidenceis mounting that coffee canhelp combat a number ofdiseases. One recent studyfound women who drankcoffee had a slightly lowerrisk of stroke; another thata cup a day may promoteeye health by keepingretinal damage at bay.

But moderation is key.‘The most positive effect isachieved by drinking threeto four cups a day,’ says

Carpenter. ‘We don’t knowabout the effects of verylarge quantities of coffee.’Too much can be lethal– but you’d have to downabout 16 large cups.

‘People vary in sensitivity,so those prone to addictionwill feel the effects ofcaffeine more,’ says Page.‘You need to get a senseof what’s right for you.’ ■

Caffeinecan improvemood, at leasttemporarily

❛

❛

FOR INFO ON DECAF AN D HOW TO CUT BACK, GO TOCOSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA AND SEARCH ‘COFFEE ADDICT HELP’


N I C K

O N K E N

, J E F F R E Y W E S T B R

O O K / S T U D I O D

, G E T T Y I M A G E S







A p p y

Do you think your weekly cocktailsaren’t doing you any harm? The DrinkSmarter Foundation has released anapp showing you exactly what alcoholis doing to your body, and how youmight look in 10 years’ time if youdrink too muc h and don’t slow d own.Download it at Drinksmarter.org .

Do You Really Need an Antibiotic?If you ask your doctor for a prescription every time youstart sneezing, it’s time to change your ways. Recent studieshave shown that antibiotic-resistant superbugs pose a greaterthreat to the world than global warming – and yes, everytime you pop a pill, you’re contributing to the problem.The answer? Try not to use an antibioticunless you really need one. If youhave a cold or u, try to workit out of your system withplenty of uids, rest andover-the-countermedicationto relievesymptoms.

Will Anti- BacterialBody Wash

HelpPreventSTIs?

Denitely not.These soaps

work no betterthan plain soap

and water when itcomes to removing

bacteria orpreventing disease

transmission and they might

teach germs to beantibiotic-resistant,

making crucialdrugs less

effective. Plus,the most commonway STIs enter thebody is when weexchange uids

through the mouth,vagina and anusduring intercourse– places we latheronly supercially,

not inside.SOURCE JENNIFER ASHTON,

OBSTETRICIAN AND SENIORMEDICAL CONTRIBUTOR

AT ABC NEWS

You know that feeling when you have rocks inyour chest and you’re not sure how you’re going tomake it through the day? You’re not just being dramatic.According to doctors at Lenox Hill Hospital in the US, acondition called takotsubo cardiomyopathy cancause the heart to stop functioning properlywhen exposed to too much emotional stress. ■

Body Love | Body News


http://drinksmarter.org/








Souped - UpWinter

LOOKING FOR A MEALTHAT’S HEARTY AND

HEALTHY? SOUP’S YOURANSWER. PLUS, YOU

CAN MAKE IT AS SIMPLEOR SOPHISTICATED AS

YOU LIKE!

Basic recipeTake six large, ripe tomatoesand prick them all over before

you add to a pot with a tablespoonof melted butter. Heat them until

so , then add 350ml of waterand bring to the boil. Throw

in some chopped basil.To nish off, pass all theliquid through a sieve.

Give it someItalian air

Swirl in a spoonful ofmascarpone or crème fraîche

and a spoon of fresh pesto.Top with Parmesan shavings.

Make it wholesome Add chicken breasts, cookedbarley and spinach, and topwith crumbled feta cheese.

Make it savouryThrow in some bacon bitsand a dash of cream.■

Top freshricotta withcherries, mint,

toastedpecans,

orange zestand honey.

SOURCE MARISSA LIPPERT, OWNER OFNOURISH KITCHEN + TABLE IN NEW YORK

OUTWITHTHEOLDIT’S TIME

TO RETHINKTHESE HEALTH

BELIEFS

OLD THINKING It’s whole grainall the way.NEW THINKINGWhole-grain cerealhas many healthbenets but it alsocontains a lot ofsugar up to veteaspoons, evenmore if you add milk.The best breakfast?

Scrambled eggs,which are muchlower in sugarand are high inprotein, so youstay full for longer.

OLD THINKING Fresh is best.NEW THINKING Yes, fresh is denitelyrst choice – if you

have the timeto prepare it. Butthere’s certainlynothing wrongwith choosingcanned options,such as corn, tunaand beans, whichnot only save youtime but will boostthe bre contentof your meals.

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA AUGUST 2014 |COSMOPOLITAN 125

KNOWYOUR

PEPPERSCapsaicin, the compoundthat puts the hot in hot peppers,

speeds up metabolism, preventsheadaches and regulates insulin

for appetite control. The hotterthe pepper, the more benets!

SOURCE MICHELLE DUDASH, AUTHOR OFCLEAN EATING FOR BUSY FAMILIES

1 POBLANOMild andsweet, thisbiggie isperfect forstuffi ng withbeef and rice,then roasting.It’s also full ofvitamin A andpotassium.

2 CHIPOTLE Naturallysmoky, dicedchipotles (freshor canned)make llingstaste magical.One idea: stirwith blackbeans; spoononto a tortilla.

3 JALAPEÑO These havea bright,fresh tasteand a vitaminC-packedkick. Chopnely andsprinkle onsh or stirinto salsa.

4 HABANEROSlice theseery-hotpeppersvery thinly.Throw afew piecesinto a stir-frywith chicken/beef andvegetables.


J O N

P A T E R S O N / S T U D I O D

T E X T

L I S A W I T E P S K I

Body Love | Food Buzz

3

2

4

1

2





THECASEFORKETTLEBELLSThe cannonball-like lower half looks wonky but that’sthe key to its awesomeness: you use extra muscles(and burn extra kilojoules) as you li and lower it.Start with 8kg, then try this basic head-to-toe move:stand over the kettlebell with feet hip-width apart.Bend from your waist, back at, and grab handle.Straighten and li it until elbows are at shoulder height.Now tap the kettlebell on the oor. Repeat 10 times.

BURN UP T

170

KILOJOULESIN 20 MINUTES

IF YOU LOVEYOGA TRY Aerial yoga WHY You’ll enjoytrying poses whilesuspended in theair by a swing. It’sgreat for upper-body strength. WHERE NouveauDance Studio,Durban;Nouveaudance.co.za

QuickTip Sweat,

swimming,water bottles…

They may be partof your workoutbut they spell

trouble for tnessgadgets. Reviveyour tech withthe Bheestie

(about R176 fromAmazon.com ),

a porous

pouch lledwith pelletsthat suck out

moisture in lessthan 24 hours.

GETAPP TIVE

Take It to the Next LevelBORED WITH YOUR USUAL ROUTINE? GIVE IT A TWIST WITHTHESE FRESH TAKES ON OLD FAVOURITES

IF YOU LOVEPILATES TRY Ballet WHY It promisesthe toning of theballet barrewith Pilates’strengtheningmoves, andsome cardiothrown in too. WHERE En-Corein Jo’burg;En-core.co.za

IF YOU LOVEWEIGHTS TRY TRXsuspensiontraining WHY It combinesthe force ofgravity withyour own bodyweight to giveyou lean muscles. WHERE ActiveLife, Cape Town; Activeplus.co.za

SOURCE JAMES EICHAS, TRAINER AT EXCEED PHYSICAL CULTURE IN NEW YORK


Body Love | Fitness Buzz

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

Fitness Pro Contains more

than 1 500 moves,allowing you tocreate your own

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WHO NEEDSA PERSONAL

TRAINER WHENYOU HAVE TECHON YOUR SIDE?

DOWNLOADTHESE APPS:

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Welcome to Our

On Top of That…

STEP INTO OUR WORLDAND MAKE SURE YOUNEVER MISS YOURFASHION, BEAUTY,LOVE AND LIFE FIX.

Mangwanani is an Africanspa that offers luxurioustreatments, decadent mealsand world-class serviceprovided by friendly staff.

We are giving away 22 Moonlight NightSpa vouchers for two people worthR3 000 each. You will be welcomed bythe sounds of traditional African music,with delicious cocktails and canapés onarrival, then pampered from head to toewith the spa’s own range of ecofriendlyproducts made from natural ingredients.The evening will include three relaxationtreatments: a full-body, hot stonemassage; a north-African head,neck and shoulder massage; and anAfrican foot ritual. You and your partnerwill also be treated to a sumptuousdinner. For more information, visitMangwanani.co.za .

THE FIRST 22 NEW SUBSCRIBERSWILL GET A MANGWANANI AFRICANSPA VOUCHER WORTH R3 000

To Subscribe VISIT Cosmopolitan.co.za/subscriptionsCALL 0861 000 423

E-MAIL [email protected]

This offer is valid until 31 August 2014 while stocks last, and only when subscribing for a minimum of 12 months. The offer is only applicable in South Africa.Foreign subscribers: call +27 11 401 5956 or e-mail [email protected] . Digital subscriptions can be taken up by visiting Cosmopolitan.co.za/

subscriptions and following the link to our digital outlets. When applying for a digital subscription, the gi is included via Mysubs.co.za only.

SUBSCRIBE TO COSMOPOLITAN

NOWFOR ONLY

Get your mag delivered toyour door each month

for a year.

R230If you prefer to take us with

you on tablet or mobile, you can!FOR ONLY R184 you can

download the digital copy onany of your mobile devices.

t o y o u !

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VAIt’s Women’s Month, so

round up your bestiesand indulge in a weekendaway. Especially one thathas a freebie in it for you!

T he year is not youngany more and you deservea weekend away. Whether

you make it a girls’ weekend ora romantic one, Protea Hotelsand COSMO are helping youget a well-deserved break. If youbook one night’s accommodationat any one of the six participatingProtea Hotels and African PrideHotels across South Africa, thesecond night is on them! That’senough to make Women’sMonth a win.

Protea Hotels has been inthe hotel game for a long time.With 116 hotels in seven countries,

there’s one to suit whateveryour tastes are. Whether you’relooking for a small country hotelin the Eastern or Northern Cape,a seaside resort on the coast,a mountain retreat in theFree State, a safari lodgein Mpumalanga or a luxurygetaway, you’ll find a hotelthat’s perfect for you. As ofApril 2014, Protea Hotels formspart of Marriott’s global brandportfolio, which is made up of18 brands that operate more than4 000 hotels in 79 countries.

For more information on ProteaHotels, visit Proteahotels.com . ■

HOW TO GET IN ON THIS OFFERVisit Proteahotels.com/cosmo and followthe booking links, or call 0861 119 000 andrequest the ‘COSMO get one night on us’ offer.

TERMS AND CONDITIONS

pay one night, and get the next night on us’ offer.

except at African Pride Mount Grace CountryHouse & Spa where rates are valid from Sunday

to Thursday only.

is required.

or refunds allowed.

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U W E K R E J C I / G E T T Y I M A G E S / G A L L O I M A G E S



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Fun, Fearless

JOHANNESBURGCasalinga Ristorante Italiano: You’ll

fall in love with this country-style bistro’swarm atmosphere and Mediterranean-

inspired cuisine . Casalinga.co.zaBurnside Cafe: We love the weekendbrunch options at this eatery situated

inside an old-fashioned house (anyonefor cinnamon French toast with

mascarpone gs?). Check out theon-site art gallery, too. Burnsides.co.za

CAPE TOWNHarbour House (Kalk Bay):

Watching the waves crash againstthe rocks, indulging in a seafood platterand a glass of b ubbly – bet your duvetdoesn’t still seem like a good option!

Harbourhouse.co.za96 Winery Road: Ever dreamt of

living on a wine farm? Mountain views,seasonal local cuisine, delicious wine

– count us in !96wineryroad.co.za

DURBANGiorgio’s at The View: Apart froma gorgeous view of the sea, it’s the

glamorous decor that gets us. Go onSaturday nights for gourmet pizza

evenings . Hoteltheview.comSapore: This cosy spot in the

Midlands is known for its deliciousItalian comfort food . Sapore.co.za ■

WINTERHOME FROM

HOMESFOR YOU ANDYOUR HOMIES

Make the most of theseawesome restaurants –BFFs and long sessionsmandatory, replaces

included, red wine optional


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Life Hacks | Live It Up!


OSMO TISEUR MONTH

#C UTHEREUNDERGROUNDINNERSR380 sounds like a lotto fork out upfront butThe Forum’s infamousTurbine Hall dinnersare worth every cent.That gets you a three-course dinner, a welcomecocktail and live musicat one of Jozi’s oldestand coolest buildings.

Theforum.co.za

BFFs FOREVER Spend the day with yourbestie. The rst Sunday ofAugust is Friendship Day!

GET OVERTHE EXMolalacompany.com prides itself on

‘creating exclusive,he-tox content forintelligent and happygirls’, and describesitself as ‘the go-tosource for insightfuland unique tips to helpyou or your loved one’.Our fave is the 21-itemRedemption hamper,which comes with awicked ex-boyfriendvoodoo doll!

WE FIND THE LATEST AWESOMENESS FO

ING THELADIES

WHAT WILLYOU BE DOING

ON THE 9THFOR NATIONAL

WOMEN’SDAY?

POPEYESEylure’s newlash rangecan give yourlashes extraspike, volume orlength, dependingon your mood.Available fromR58,95 at Dis-Chem and Clicksstores nationwide.


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Weight Of Loveoff The Black Keys’latest albumTurn

Blue demandsa download.

Seriously, break outthat iTunes vouchernow . R89,99 (for

album) at iTunes.■

YO NEW JAM

EPIC

HANDSETThe new LGG Flex is curvedto suit the shape

of your face –no more ‘What

did you say?’Plus, it’s got a

self-healingcover, so nomatter how

many times youdrop it, thereare far fewer

scratches andnicks. Can yousay, ‘I want’?

Canon is giving away a PowerShot N cameraworth R3 595 for the most-liked festival seleevery month until 12 October 2014, and an EOS100D for the best image of the year. Go to ourFacebook page and nd the COSMO Festivalsapp, upload your pictures and get your friendsto like them. Your next sele could be takenwith a brand-new Canon!

FESTQUEST

Oppikoppi, 7 to 9August. Need we saymore? Facebook.com/

oppikoppifestival

CUTENESSOVERDRIVEGet even more

obsessed with littleuffy bundles of

‘Aww!’ Add yummy,gorgeous-lookingchocolates and,

well, we’re totallyFIN-ISHED!

ALERT!Amanda Seyfriedplays ’70s porn starand icon Linda LovelaceinLovelace. Grab yourbesties, some tissuesand your imaginarysuperhero suit –this one’s not forthe faint-hearted!

GET YOURWHITE SOLEDSHOE GROOVE ON!

TITBIT FRIDAYS ATCAPE TOWN’SORPHANAGE

COCKTAILEMPORIUM GETTHE WEEKEND

OFF TO ADELICIOUSLY

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I M

A G E S

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L A U R A T W I G G S A N D

Z A M A N K O S I P R I C E S

C O R R E C T

A T

T I M E

O F

G O I N G

T O

P R E S S

S T O C K I S T S O N

P A G E 1 4 1

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

FASHION F IXNowfashion.com is alive-streaming fashion-photography site.It showcases theworld’s mostimportant runwayshows, and there’salso a range ofphoto galleries.But the real winis creating yourown fashion board.


IAN PERES OFWOLFMOTHER

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1Wire a plugIf you’re still waiting for someone

to hook up your electric blanket, here’swhat you need to know: the green-and-

yellow wire is the earth wire and mustalways be inserted into the top pin;the blue wire (the neutral one) goesinto the left pin (marked ‘N’); andthe brown wire (the live one) goesinto the pin on the right (marked ‘L’).

2 Change a tyrePrepare to get your hands dirty.

First, place the jack underneaththe car’s body and raise it until itis just supporting the car. Removethe hubcap and loosen the nuts.

Now turn the jack so the car liftsoff the ground when you’re done.Remove the damaged tyre andreplace it with the spare, tighteningall the nuts with your hands. Finally,lower the car and remove the jack,tighten nuts with a wheel spannerand replace the hubcap.

3Hang a pictureFor this, you need to know

your hardware. A Hilti tool is best

– just decide how high you wantthe picture, turn the picture overand pull the centre of the stringup. Measure the distance betweenthe top of the pic and the highestpoint of the string. Mark whereyou want the top of the pictureto be then measure the distancedown from that. Take aim andhammer. (The harder the wall/

surface, the shorter the Hiltinail – and don’t forget its cap.)

4 Know a basicself-defence move

Self-defence expert Sanette Smitsays that when you’re in danger,anything from your deodorantspray to your credit card can beused to protect yourself. All thesame, it’s good to know one keymove, such as how to throw a punch.

Keep your thumb on the outsideof your st. Keep your wrist straightand, standing with your dominant footbehind you, swing your entire weightinto the punch.

5 Catch a spider Instead of automatically

reaching for the insect spray,try this: clamp a glass over it,slide a piece of paper underneath,then move to the nearest windowand throw the paper away. Far,far away.

6Open a bottleof champagne

You never know when you’llhave something to celebrate,so be ready to bring on thebubbles. Remove the foil wrapfrom the cork, grasp the bottlein your dominant hand and,resting it against your hip, startto work the cork out by moving itfrom side to side. When the cork’salmost out, slow down and aimthe bottle away from you, thenslide it out. ■

It’s good toknow at least

one key self-defence move

❛

❜

Life Hacks | Kick Butt!

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

Sk lsto RollSoloEmpower yourself withthese mean moves

I t s e e m s R i h a n n a

h a s n ’ t m a s t e r e d

t h e a r t o f o p e n i n g

b o t t le s y e t …






http://twitter.com/canon_sa

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http://www.canon.co.za/



Life Hacks | Screen Scene

Did you get heart palpitations a er theGameOf Thrones season-four nale? Do you thinktrolls who spreadHouse Of Cardsspoilers

deserve a bullet? If so, you’re suffering fromthe same thing as I am… By Laura Twiggs

Orange Is TheNew Black

Girls

New Girl

Breaking Bad Downton Abbey

Game Of Thrones





I N P R A

, R E X

F E A T U R E S

M

y life feels empty.There are plenty ofways I could spendmy time, and justlast week I’d haveloved them. Butall that changed

at 3.25am on Sunday morning. Sincethen, I have not known what to dowith myself. At home after work, I’mat a loss. For almost a week, nothing– not the book I nally got my handson, not a date with my long-standingcrush, not even my funniest friend ontop form over drinks – has been ableto hold my attention, let alone engageme. Because at 3.25am on Sundaymorning, after 10 solid hours of beingglued to the screen, I reached the end

of Vikings season two. A minute laterI learnt via Google that I’ll have towait a full efng year for season three.I also learnt about something called‘Series Syndrome’, which I thoughtwas hilarious. But I stopped LOL-ingthe minute I realised it’s no joke: thereare even some earnest and learnedextremists who talk about series-bingeing in the same breathas ‘addiction’ and ‘junkies’.

It was a turning point. I’d jokedabout ‘hanging’ for my next Homeland hit or Downton Abbey ‘x’ but it hadnever occurred to me that I might havea problem, let alone a ‘syndrome’. NowI was discovering that experts suchas Carrie Steckl ( Mentalhelp.net ) say serial series binges might bedetrimental and could come with‘questionable consequences’. Thatother psychologists want ‘SeasonalFinale Disorder’ to be ofciallyrecognised. And that a recent studyfound binge-watchers to be far moreanxious and stressed in unstructured/unplanned situations (waiting in line,

for example), have shorter attentionspans, suffer a loss of self-restraint,and exhibit documented withdrawalsymptoms (like increased irritability)after missing a viewing session(none of which I nd myself ableto argue with).

But while there’s a crop ofcounsellors (in the US) more thanhappy to add ‘binge-watching’and ‘series comedown’ to their

list of services, series marathonsare so reassuringly common thatno-one’s setting up a dedicatedrehab facility just yet. Leaders inthe new eld of neurocinematics(the study of how TV and lminteract with the brain) say we’reactually hard-wired to binge-watchbecause ‘we become glued tocomplex, emotionally chargedstories because of our ability torecognise the feelings of others’.Plus, a recent Netix study reportsthat 61% of respondents claim tobinge-watch regularly, 76% saybingeing is ‘a welcome refuge’from their busy lives, and nearlyeight in 10 far prefer binge-watchingseries to tuning in for single episodes.

A VikingsB Grey’s Anatomy C 24D Downton Abbey E Homeland F Deadwood G Justied H Girls I Orange Is The New Black J New Girl K Breaking Bad L GleeM RevengeN How I Met Your Mother O Game Of Thrones

1 ‘It’s gonna be legen– wait for it – dary!’

2 ‘Winter is coming’ 3 ‘It’s already in the glass, not in the jar’ 4 ‘You’re still in the game, Saul’ 5 ‘Cocksucker’ 6 ‘What is a weekend?’ 7 ‘The crackcident’ 8 ‘Skadoosh’ 9 ‘It’s happening’

10 ‘Cursed by Odin’11 ‘That’s the last time we’ll

have to kill anyone’12 ‘And so the penguin says …’13 ‘Innity’ [as a password]14 ‘Damn it! We’re running out of time!’15 ‘McAnything you can McThinkof’

1 - N 2 - 0 3 - G 4 - E 5 - F 6 - D 7 - H 8 - L 9 - J 1 0 - A 1 1 - K 1 2 - I 1 3 - M 1 4 - C 1 5 - B

If you can totheir TV shows, you may have Series Syndrome

Characters cometo feel like friendsbecause they’rein our homes forlong stretches

❛

❛

So while we might indeed feelbereft about Game Of Thrones only coming next year, or outon a limb after The Blacklist ’scliffhanger, that’s the new normal.

The appeal of series marathonsis obvious: there are no ads; we getfar more immersed in the narrativewhen we can continue the story;nuances and complexities are morepronounced because context isn’tbroken; there’s a sense of deepeningconnection with characters who cometo feel like friends because they’re inour homes for long stretches; andbeing able to watch on demandputs us in control.

And I think I have bigger, moreimmediate things to worry about.

Like, for example, is the recentmurmur about Vodacom-Netix‘talks’ to bring 24/7, on-demandseries streaming to South Africaa hoax? And, more importantly:will True Detective and Black Sails live up to their hype? Because thebest way to get over a bout of serieswithdrawal is to get into a new one– and I’m getting both tomorrow. ■

DO YOU THINK ‘SERIES SYNDROME’ IS FOR REAL? TELL USYOUR SYMPTOMS ON TWITTER@COSMOPOLITANSA#SSS

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Find out what the stars have in storefor you this month

BY DENISE CAPEL

24 JULY – 23 AUGUST

LEO

SAGITTARIUS23 November – 22 December

This month is Sagittarianheaven: travelling, partying,learning... It’s expensive,though, so keep an eye onyour savings. Your nancialprospects improve after the23rd but your love life getsmore stressful. Enjoy it now!

Your friends and colleaguesare supportive of your careersuccess – but don’t forget torest and relax too, as yourhealth is still giving a few

problems. Getting angrywhen driving is not anoption – keep your cool.

CAPRICORN23 December – 20 January

AQUARIUS21 January – 19 February

Flirting will spice up yoursocial life – but don’t upsetyour BF! Your cooperativespirit will help you achieveyour career goals but yourmoney planet is stillretrograde so don’t expectinstant nancial success.

Joint ventures, partnershipsand mixing with successfulpeople can really transformyour life. Detox not just yourbody but your whole life tokeep your health on track– throw out everything thatis no longer working for you.

SCORPIO24 October – 22 November Megan Good8 August

Anna Kendrick 9 August

Jennifer Lawrence 15 August

Mila Kunis 14 August

BIRTHDAYGIRLS


The contacts you makenow will help you makethat perfect career moveand achieve your nancialgoals. Your boyfriend shouldalso be your best friend. Anexciting adventure togetherwill boost his libido.

Focus on what you wantnow . From the 23rd, yourindependent spirit comesinto play. Finances lookgood then, too. The moreloving support you giveyour boyfriend, the betteryour sex life will be.

COSMO | Astrology

VIRGO24 August – 23 September

LIBRA23 September – 22 October

This will beone of yourbest monthsof the year butbe careful andwatch your diet– a busy sociallife equals toomuch good foodand drink. Newlove opportunitiesabound for thesingles. You’renally reachingyour careerambitions andyour nances areat a yearly high.Don’t over-spend!





CANCER Tell him how muchyou appreciate his nurturing –then take the lead and encouragehis imaginative advances.■

A detox will boost yourimmune system – yourhealth will be delicate laterthis month and you’ll needmore rest. Make your workspace more efcient, relaxingand welcoming. A new loveinterest is possible.

PISCES20 February – 20 March

ARIES21 March – 20 April

This is an inspired andfun-lled month. Sharpenyour social skills – tact anddiplomacy will help you geteverything you want. Just

watch what you eat and drink– you don’t want to spendthe next month on a diet!

TAURUS21 April – 21 May

Balance is needed if you’reto keep your boyfriend andfamily happy – and you’respending too much timeat work. Have a talk witheveryone to calm thingsdown. A few sexy moveswill sort out your love life!

GEMINI22 May – 21 June

Be ready to share yourinnovative ideas witheveryone. Investigatethe latest technology,from cars to computersand iPads. Don’t let youranger levels get out ofhand, and keep love playful.

You’re in nancial heaven,so why not spend more onhaving fun – especially sinceyou’ve had some tough times?Take time out for yourself– be creative and socialisewith friends, and yourhealth will improve too.

CANCER22 June – 23 July

TheLEO ManAndrew Gareld 20 August

Mr Leo is very moralisticand judgmental, enjoyingbeing King of the Jungle.Encourage it if you wantto keep him sweet. It’llguarantee you get all his love and attention.

VIRGO He’ll want to spend timealone – not to avoid you but tothink about his achievementsand what still needs to be done.

LIBRA He wants to network totake his career up a few notches– and needs an intelligent,beautiful, charming partner…

SCORPIO He probably won’trealise he’s bringing his obsessionwith success to bed too. Howdo you measure up?

SAGITTARIUS He wants tomake you happy and sexuallyfullled. Treat him like a Greekgod and you’ll have it all…

CAPRICORN Your Capricornman is overloading himself.Support him as he dashesbetween work and friends.

AQUARIUS He’s enjoying asocial whirl but feels guilty if hedoesn’t achieve results at worktoo. Help him keep the balance.

PISCES He works too hardand stresses a lot, so nurturehim: encourage him to use hiscreative talents and have fun.

ARIES Your Aries is in themood for socialising, romanceand physical lovemaking. Be

ready and t, and dress the part!TAURUS He wants time athome with you – long nightsand days spent in bed, makingslow, sensual love…

GEMINI He’ll be arrangingmeetings, seeing friends,trying new things, going off onadventures… Can you keep up?

WHAT HE'S IN THEMOOD FOR THIS MONTH

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA


G E T T Y I M A G E S / G A L L O I M A G E S ,

W I R E I M A G E / G E T T Y I M A G E S / G A L L O I M A G E S

COSMO | Stockists


A.Y.K 011 325 4110Accessorize 011 884 4644; 021 425 7701Akedo 082 491 8244Albertus Swanepoel 011 268 0989Aldo 011 884 4141; 021 421 5674American Swiss H/O 021 938 1911

Black Coffee 011 482 9148Black Key Diamonds 076 562 5057Blue Bay 021 434 6289Boogaloos 021 555 2895Browns The Diamond Store 011 438 7920Cartier 011 666 2800Castelo 011 883 8767Clicks H/O 0860 254 257Cotton On 011 784 0218; 021 552 0726Diesel H/O 011 630 4000Dis-Chem 011 589 2200E-bag 011 881 5569; www.e-bag.co.zaEdgars H/O 0800 203 925Fashion Express H/O 021 938 1911Foschini H/O 021 938 1911Guess 011 883 8391; 021 421 0110Henriette Botha www.henriettebotha.co.zaIda Elsjé 021 424 1101 Jet H/O 0860 113 639 Joel Janse van Vuuren 073 772 3059Klûk/CGDT 083 377 7780Louis Vuitton 011 784 9854; 021 405 9700Lovisa 011 431 3610; 021 551 1051Lulu Belle 012 346 6424; 021 418 6263Luxco 011 448 2210Luxottica 021 486 6100Mango 011 783 7907; 021 418 0916Mari And Me 021 434 5446Marianne Fassler 011 646 8387

Mr Price H/O 0800 212 535Nina Jarebrink 011 440 3235Nine West 011 783 2356; 021 418 7164Nixon 076 430 6162Ohoneone www.ohoneone.co.zaOlga 021 419 8016

Pichulik www.pichulik.comPicot & Moss H/O 011 669 0500S Bacher & Company 011 372 6020S Keren Watch Group H/O 021 418 0045Scotch & Soda 011 784 3233Sel 072 576 1539Shana Morland 082 555 1002Shimansky 021 421 2788Sissy Boy H/O 021 506 4600Sterns 021 938 1943Stuttafords H/O 011 879 1000Stylemology 087 285 2895;www.stylemology.comSuzaan Heyns 011 482 9301Swatch H/O 011 911 1200Ted Baker 011 450 1156Tiger Of Sweden 011 440 3235Tinsel 011 447 2761Tommy Hilger 011 630 4000;021 425 7088Topshop 011 685 7070;021 419 5900; 031 583 1333Triumph 021 521 6700Truworths H/O 021 460 2300Woolworths 0860 022 002YDE H/O 021 460 2500Zara 011 302 1500;021 446 8700; 031 536 6440Zoom H/O 021 510 4707

STOCKISTS

COMPETITION TERMS & CONDITIONS

COMPETITION TERMS AND CONDITIONS1. The judges’ decision is nal and nocorrespondence will be entered into.2. Staff of Associated Media Publishing, JVR& Associates (Pty) Ltd or Hearst Magazines International, or their subsidiaries andaffi liated companies, prize sponsors, advertising agencies and immediate familiesmay not enter the competition.3. Winners must reside (live) in South Africa.4. Theprize is not transferable and may not be converted into cash.5. All entries must besubmitted in English only.6. Prize allocation is to be provided in accordance withthe allocated project budget. If any advertiser/affi liate with whom JVR & Associate(Pty) Ltd works in relation to a prize fails or neglects to provide the prize, then it shanot be exchanged for cash but for a suitable replacement prize, to be determinedand provided at the sole discretion of JVR & Associates (Pty) Ltd.7. If the winner isunder 18 years of age, the legal guardian’s written consent is required.8. The winnerconsents to his/her name, biographical details and involvement in the competitionbeing made available to sponsors for publicity and prize-delivery purposes.9. JVR& Associates (Pty) Ltd accepts no responsibility for any problems resulting in lostentries. 10. Winners use the prizes at their own risk. JVR & Associates (Pty) Ltdshall not be liable for any loss, damage, personal injury or death suffered or sustained(including, but not limited to, that arising from any person’s negligence, includinggross negligence) in connection with this competition or accepting or using the prize.11. Entrants will be deemed to have accepted these rules and agreed to be boundby them when entering. These rules are legal and binding upon entrants.12. JVR &Associates (Pty) Ltd reserves the right to cancel, modify or amend the competitionat any time, if deemed necessary in its opinion and if circumstances arise outsideof its control.13. The winner agrees to be photographed for, and to appear in, JVR& Associates (Pty) Ltd’s marketing material or in COSMOPOLITAN magazine if requby JVR & Associates (Pty) Ltd and Associated Media Publishing in relation to thecompetition.14. The entrant is notied that he/she has a right to decline consentingto his/her name, biographical details and involvement in the competition being madeavailable to sponsors in terms of clause 8 above. The entrant further has the rightto decline being photographed for and appearing in a feature in COSMOPOLITANor Associated Media Publishing’s other magazines in terms of clause 13 above.Should the entrant wish to exercise either or both of these rights, he/she shalldo so by informing us within three days of accepting the terms and conditions, viae-mail to [email protected], in which e-mail he/she shall provideus with particularity of the rights that he/she wishes to exercise. Should he/shenot inform us that he/she intends exercising these rights within the above three-day period, he/she shall be deemed to have consented to clauses 8 and 13 above.


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IT’S A COSMO WORLDLETTER OFTHE MONTHMy COSMO ismy best friend– from fashionadvice, sex talk, beauty tricks,hot guys anda little humourto health tipsand serious talksabout life. I wantto say thank you,COSMO, for being in my life. Whenever I needadvice I just pullout a COSMOand know whatto do. You focuson everything thata woman needs!– Rochelle Lamprecht,Pretoria

SHOW US YOUR COSMO

SILLY THINGSAMERICANSSAY TO SOUTH

AFRICANSwas a hit on

Cosmopolitan.co.za. We’re guessing

it’s because mostof us can relate to

being asked questionssuch as ‘Is SouthAfrica the capital

of Africa?’ and‘Do you have a petlion?’ Hopefully ourPSA will mean less

stereotypes beingthrown our way.

Haven’t seen it yet?Search ‘Ridiculous

Questions AmericansAsk South Africans’ at

Cosmopolitan.co.za.

@SexilweNo night out for me so I’m justgonna chill on my bed, #coffee

in hand, with the June issueof @CosmopolitanSA

@PopcornAndPearlTwo-page spread of footballhotties in the June issue of@CosmopolitanSA. Love it!

@_wa_city#Mmmhh #COFFEE

#COSMO Have a lovelyevening, my chomas.

@mogulreese2009 to 2014... I'ma proud COSMO freak.I can’t get througha month without it!

@LivibytheSeaI can’t believe Mayis a thing of the past.

Going to stick @RyanBotha’spic on every page of my COSMOcalendar for the rest of 2014!@CosmopolitanSA

@LynneRudmanThis is how weroll @valhen10

@CosmopolitanSA @RevlonSA @NailCandiSA #COSMOPolished

@Jessica_Perrins@CosmopolitanSA another great edition.

Sipping cappuccino and pagingthrough COSMO, willing it notto end ;) #beauty #fashion

CONGRATS!Rochelle Lamprecht has wontwo Beaucience hampersworth R1 500 each!

SEND YOUR THOUGHTS [email protected]

COSMO | Inbox

TWEETSWE LOVE

WIN!The writer ofnext month’s

winning letter will get afabulous makeup hamperfrom Wet n Wild worthR2 000. The hamper isfull of all sorts of beautygoodies, from blush tocool green eyeliner.












COSMO

NEXT MONTH IN

Q u i t t h e p o r n -s t a r a c t fo r b e t t e r


E D U A R D O

S V E Z I A

P a g e s a nd pa g e s of shoe s so

se x y w e ha v e t o se a l t he

se c t ion! Don’ t miss our

r ound u p ne x t mont h.

P l u s




4-6 PointsCOOL UNDER PRESSURE‘You’re able to recognise stress asit’s building, which means you seekout solutions before it gets really bad,’says Przeworski. For example, byasking your boss to help you prioritisewhen you take on another task, youare showing you can handle anythingbut know how to ask for help beforeyou get overwhelmed. Respect to you!

0-3 PointsDANGEROUSLY CALM‘When you keep your stress inside,you’re not nding ways to declutteryour mind,’ says Amy Przeworski,assistant professor of psychology atCape Western University in the US. ‘Soeventually you’ll allow your emotions toexplode.’ The lesson: learn to speak upwhen you need something, and rewardyourself when you deserve it.

7-10 PointsFREAK OUT QUEENYou’re about one meltdown awayfrom being cast in the next RealHousewives of wherever. ‘When youfocus on what’s causing you stress,it makes it worse,’ says Holly Rogers,coauthor of Mindfulness For The NextGeneration . Instead, come up witha quick way to make the situationa little better, and then move on. ■

The Breakdown

COSMO | Quiz

FOR COSMO’S TOP CHILL OUT HACK, GO TOCOSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA AND SEARCH‘DE STRESS SEX’

Does StressMake You Bitchy?Under-pressure personality changescan be forgiven – so long as you don’tmorph into Sue Sylvester on steroids

1 Your guy texts you that his sister is coming to townand asks if she can crash at your place. You text back:A ‘Great! What’s her favourite nightcap? I’ll pick it up!’B ‘Sure. Cleaning date at my place tonight?’C ‘Since clearly I’m a hotel, I guess I’ll do her laundry too?’

2 Your BFF’s bachelorette kicks off at a spa. When youchange to go to dinner, you can’t nd your necklace. You:A Leave your number with the spa so they can call if they nd it.B Skip dinner – there’s no way you can have fun until you nd it.C Let it go. Next time, you’ll leave your jewellery at home.

3 At the end of a beyond-stressful week, you’reready to treat yourself to a little TLC. So you:A Hit the town for a wild night.B Treat yourself to a luxe mani.C Head straight to the shop for your favourite chocolates.

4 Your boss asks if you can take over a new project.Your to-do list is already a mile long. Your response:A ‘No problem! Anything else I can do?’B ‘Fine. I guess I’ll just cancel my evening plans for the week.’C ‘Okay, but can we talk priorities?’

5 You’ve been waiting at your gynae’s offi ce for an hourwhen a girl who arrived a er you gets called rst. You:A Mutter ‘What the eff?’ so the receptionist knows you’re angry.B Cancel your plans for the next couple of hours.C Ask for another appointment.

SCORING 1 A-0, B-1, C-2 2 A-1, B-2, C-0 3 A-2, B-1, C-0 4 A-0, B-2, C-1 5 A-2, B-0, C-1






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Documents

Cosmopolitan - August 2014 ZA