LOVING & LIKING THEORIES OF LOVE l STYLES OF LOVE (Lee) –Primary Styles Love of Beauty Playful Love Companionate Love

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Slide 2 LOVING & LIKING Slide 3 THEORIES OF LOVE l STYLES OF LOVE (Lee) Primary Styles Love of Beauty Playful Love Companionate Love Slide 4 l OTHER STYLES WHICH COMBINE PRIMARY STYLES Obsessive Love Realistic Love l IS IT REALLY A LOVE STYLE OR AN IDEAL? Altruistic Love Slide 5 TRIANGULAR THEORY OF LOVE (Sternberg) Slide 6 l TRIANGULAR THEORY COMPONENTS: Intimacy Passion Commitment Slide 7 DISTINGUISHING LIKING AND LOVING l PASSION VS. REWARDS (Berscheid & Walster) l FRIENDSHIP VS. LOVE (Davis & Todd) l LIKE, LOVE, IN LOVE (Lamm & Wiesmann) Slide 8 CLOSENESS IN RELATIONSHIPS l FEHRS RESEARCH Trust Caring Honesty Friendship Respect Slide 9 l MAXWELLS RESEARCH Separation Distress Sharing of Attitudes, Values, Interests Naturalness Similarity Following (Seeking out and spending time with) Giving and Receiving Help Communicating About Important Issues Slide 10 ATTACHMENT STYLES l SECURE l AVOIDANT l ANXIOUS/AMBIVALENT Slide 11 CONCLUSIONS FROM STUDIES OF LIKING & LOVING l LIKING AND LOVING DIFFER In Degree - Shared Characteristics Vary In Intensity In Kind - Have Different Characteristics Over Time l EMOTIONAL INTENSITY IS USUALLY GREATER FOR LOVE RELATIONSHIPS --ESPECIALLY WHEN THERE ARE PERCEIVED THREATS TO THE RELATIONSHIP Slide 12 l PASSION & PHYSIOLOGICAL AROUSAL IS A PRIMARY DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTIC OF EARLY ROMANTIC LOVE l LIKING & LOVING SOMETIMES OVERLAP (E.g. Friendship Component of Love) BUT MAY NOT l LONG LASTING ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS LIKELY TO HAVE A STRONG FRIENDSHIP COMPONENT TO THEM Slide 13 l CHARACTERISTICS OF CLOSENESS ARE MORE LIKELY TO CUT ACROSS MANY TYPES OF LIKING AND LOVING RELATIONSHIPS Slide 14 COMMUNICATING CLOSENESS l DIFFICULTY NOT SURPRISING Overlap of features in various types of intimate relationships Multiplicity of terms used Potentially ambiguous referents l AMBIGUITY INHERENT IN DIALOGUE ABOUT INTIMACY CAN BE USEFUL OR PROBLEMATIC Slide 15 l SOMETIMES PEOPLE ASSOCIATE DIFFERENT TYPES OF BEHAVIOR WITH PARTICULAR TYPES OF INTIMACY--E.g., Husband: I work late because I love you. Wife: You work late because you dont care about our relationship. Slide 16 l SOMETIMES PEOPLE AGREE ON THE TYPE OF BEHAVIOR WHICH CHARACTERIZES A CLOSE RELTIONSHIP, BUT THAT BEHAVIOR IS DESTRUCTIVE--E.g., Husband: You make and serve me a lot of rich food because you love me. Wife: I agree.