LOVING & LIKING

THEORIES OF LOVE

STYLES OF LOVE (Lee)– Primary Styles

• Love of Beauty

• Playful Love

• Companionate Love

OTHER STYLES WHICH COMBINE PRIMARY STYLES– Obsessive Love– Realistic Love

IS IT REALLY A LOVE STYLE OR AN IDEAL?– Altruistic Love

TRIANGULAR THEORY OF LOVE (Sternberg)

TRIANGULAR THEORY COMPONENTS:– Intimacy– Passion– Commitment

DISTINGUISHING LIKING AND LOVING

PASSION VS. REWARDS (Berscheid & Walster)

FRIENDSHIP VS. LOVE (Davis & Todd) LIKE, LOVE, IN LOVE (Lamm &

Wiesmann)

“CLOSENESS” IN RELATIONSHIPS

FEHR’S RESEARCH– Trust– Caring– Honesty– Friendship– Respect

MAXWELL’S RESEARCH– Separation Distress– Sharing of Attitudes, Values, Interests– Naturalness– Similarity– Following (Seeking out and spending time

with)– Giving and Receiving Help– Communicating About Important Issues

ATTACHMENT STYLES

SECURE AVOIDANT ANXIOUS/AMBIVALENT

CONCLUSIONS FROM STUDIES OF LIKING & LOVING

LIKING AND LOVING DIFFER– In Degree - Shared Characteristics Vary In Intensity– In Kind - Have Different Characteristics– Over Time

EMOTIONAL INTENSITY IS USUALLY GREATER FOR LOVE RELATIONSHIPS --ESPECIALLY WHEN THERE ARE PERCEIVED THREATS TO THE RELATIONSHIP

PASSION & PHYSIOLOGICAL AROUSAL IS A PRIMARY DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTIC OF EARLY ROMANTIC LOVE

LIKING & LOVING SOMETIMES OVERLAP (E.g. Friendship Component of Love) BUT MAY NOT

LONG LASTING ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS LIKELY TO HAVE A STRONG FRIENDSHIP COMPONENT TO THEM

CHARACTERISTICS OF CLOSENESS ARE MORE LIKELY TO CUT ACROSS MANY TYPES OF LIKING AND LOVING RELATIONSHIPS

COMMUNICATING CLOSENESS

DIFFICULTY NOT SURPRISING – Overlap of features in various types of intimate

relationships– Multiplicity of terms used– Potentially ambiguous referents

AMBIGUITY INHERENT IN DIALOGUE ABOUT INTIMACY CAN BE USEFUL OR PROBLEMATIC

SOMETIMES PEOPLE ASSOCIATE DIFFERENT TYPES OF BEHAVIOR WITH PARTICULAR TYPES OF INTIMACY--E.g.,– Husband: “I work late because I love you.”– Wife: “You work late because you don’t care

about our relationship.”

SOMETIMES PEOPLE AGREE ON THE TYPE OF BEHAVIOR WHICH CHARACTERIZES A CLOSE RELTIONSHIP, BUT THAT BEHAVIOR IS DESTRUCTIVE--E.g.,– Husband: “You make and serve me a lot of rich

food because you love me.”– Wife: “I agree.”