MAGAZINE

“DARKNESS”

By: Priscila Camela Equihua

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TABLE OF CONTENT

INTRODUCTION………………………………………………………………………………………………..4 POEM……………………………………………………………………………………….……………………..5 ARTICLE……………………………………………………………………………………….…………………..6 ESSAY……………………………………………………………………………………….……………………..7 AUTOBIOGRAPHY …………………………………………………………………………………………..9 SHORT STORY …………………………………………………………………………………………………11 CONCLUSION…………………………………………………………………………………………………..15

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“I love you as certain dark things are to be loved in secret, between the shadow and the soul”

–Pablo Neruda

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INTRODUCTION

Darkness. This is the main topic,which is involved in every single writing of this magazine;;a very versatile and interesting theme of which not everyone likes to talk about,but personally I find it very dramatic and I

think it's perfect for curious people,because an expression that shows darkness has many interpretations and points of view.

During your trip through these writings you'll see how is darkness involved in our society, also a

dramatic poem and a short story which I'm pretty sure will catch your attention.

In the first place we find a suicide poem as the opening of this dramatic and mysterious world;; this poem tries to show and explain the feelings of a suicide soul that is just trying to find a way out and

describes the situation deeply. The next writing is an article that shows out emo's world;; their origins,they real meaning and the how

and why have they changed in the lasts years. What comes next is probably one of the most informative but interesting writing that you will find in here. The essay generally talks about 'dark urban tribes' what they do and why? explains the origin

and their customs.

Later on you will read my autobiography: in this one I explain the dark side of one experience that I had and why was it so hard for me also my life in general as well.

On the other hand you'll find something more unreal and fantastic;; which is probably my favorite writing in this magazine: the short story, it's about an 18-­year-­old girl named Daka. She used to be a serial killer and her crimes are still there, she's getting crazy because of all those memories, that's

why she uses a gift given in a ceremony by the government of the city where she trades her soul for a visit to her dark side over the underground. There are many mysteries waiting for you just keep

reading... Hope you enjoy it.

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“EVERYBODY´S DARK SIDE”

I call you, please

Save me from the dark,

I´m just going back,

Oh! I´m turning black

I look back

To what I left behind;;

Chaotic mess,

Bringing back all those tears

But underneath,

The darkness

Yes!, look deeper

That´s darkness

The mean side

Everyone tries to hide

Pretending it´s not there

But it´s killing you inside.

Are Emos sad beings?

"My silence is just another word for my pain"

That's what Emos say... But are they really sad

every time?I don't think so, I mean no matter

how hard is the situation you're going

through someday you will get over it. I'm not

saying it's easy, but no one in this life can stay

in one mood for his/her whole life nor sad

neither happy.Then why do they pretend to be

sad and depressed everytime?

Well let´s start:

My first teory

is that we (the

society) are

pulling them

and forcing

them to be something they are not… you may

say… me? Am i forcing emos to be what

they”are”?.

Yes, well unconiously, how?

Actually they started, by dressing dark and

creepy style, inmediately we related “emo´s

tribe” with darkness, bad things, mean and

siucide people, etc…

Without knowing that emo actually means

“emotional”, at the beginning emmo´s tribe tried

to show their emotions and this means every

single emotion (sad, happy, engry,etc.), but

some emos took this to a higher place;; by

showing ONLY sadness and depression.

By this point we associate emo with darkness

and if you see an emo smiling and laughing

and having fun you may say: “that´s not what

an emo does, stop calling yourself like that!!!,

etc.”

Then we force them to “stay” (pretend) in that

mood.

And finally something that I want to talk about

is: CAN THEY BE SAD EVERYTIME?

No. They can´t, they are human beings just like

me and like you. We all experiment different

emotions in one day and they do so too.

And from my point of view it´s not healthy to

fake a mood (including optimistic people),

that´s cheating.

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THE DARK URBAN TRIBES:

Have you ever seen a group of "scary"

guys walking down the street? Do they

inspire you fear? What are those? You

may wonder... Well those guys are part of

different urban tribes and in this article

we'll go deeper and analyze them from the

inside to what you can actually see... Why

do they dress like that? Are they bad

people? ... Let's get to know them!

Well first of all let´s take a sight to: what is

an Urban Tribe?

These are groups of people in urban areas who have a close association based on similar lifestyles

or activities, they share different interests.

Therefore they are all made up by groups of people;; they are usually young with a common identity,

the same symbols, the same rules, the same dressing codes, the same language, the same music,

etc.

Basically at the end they are just like a family made up by friends.

And believable or not from these urban tribes

there are some called the “dark ones” which

follow similar rules and dressing codes that

may be considered “creepy” or so, but you will

see that not all of them should inspire you

fear, but for some others you MUST respect

them.

Highly regarded are the "Emos";; they're very

popular, this urban tribe was born in the 80's

in the United States specifically in Washington

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D.C, known as suicide people that hate life, however this is just what the term of emo means or

refers, but it doesn't tries to classify every single teen (the majority are teenagers between 14-­20

years old) that want to be called "emo".

It is very important for you to know that originally the meaning of emo is to be emotional and to

express emotion (this emotions can be: happy, sad, angry, excited, etc.)

This means that they won't pretend to be happy when they're not. What we still don't understand is

why do they are 'sad' (or pretend to be sad) the most of the time? Maybe it's because of the social

pressure that we make on them by thinking that they must be sad or that they just harm themselves.

Let´s get down to the dressing way which is pretty interesting;; wearing black jackets, black skinny

jeans, skirts with death symbols, accessories of different shapes but not crosses because they're not

religious.

You may have noticed that they're usually alone thinking about life and their feelings.

On the other hand we find: "gothics" and from simple sight they're pretty similar to Emos but I'll show

you how to identify them!

First of all they were born in the 80s from punk. They are sometimes in specifics bars. They are

apolitics and they admire everything about death and the occultism. They look like a violent tribe but

they're very peaceful.

Even though they wear black clothes of leather,

spiked accessories, chains and religious elements

for example crosses or five-­spiked stars (this is a

way to make fun of religion). They believe in the

devil, that´s why the music that they listen to is

metal, gothic music and classic music.

Another tribe that's common bullied by the society

are the "punks";; This urban tribe was born in the

70s.

Now, there aren't many punks but they're very radical.

The main reason why they are excluded is because they have an anarchist ideology;; what means

that they're against rules, government and authority... Obviously they don't believe in God and are

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very violent. They’re against society and a way to show their ideologies is by wearing broken jeans,

black boots, tattoos, earrings and the classic 'mahowk haircut' by just looking at this you will know

that someone is punk.

Finally with this information you may turn back and look at them different like Emos aren't self

harmers and sad people at all, gothics are peaceful, etc... But on the other hand you can see

anarchistic ideas, rude, violent and aggressive people and even cheaters (faking moods and feelings

they are not presenting).

Just want to let you know that these guys are just looking for who they want to be, basically looking

for their identity, trying to fit somewhere with people that share the same likes and dislikes as tem.

Keep in mind that some of them can be aggressive, but if we respect them I guess we won't have

problems.. I hope so.

BIBLIOGRAPHY:

trivusurvanas.weebly.com/darketos.html

https://sites.google.com/a/standreu.org/fashionpeople/urban-­tribes/type-­of-­urban-­tribes

http://www.amazon.com/Urban-­Tribes-­Generation-­Friendship-­Commitment/dp/1582342644

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AUTOBIOGRAPHY

My name is: Priscila Camela Equihua, I´m a

16-­year-­old girl. I was born in October 14th

1999 in San Martin Texmelucan Pue. My

parents are Cynthia Equihua Cortés and

David Camela Hernández;; they´re awesome

and lovely. My brother is named David he is

15 years old… he is a really cool and nice

person, he makes me laugh everytime.

Well first of all: at the age of 3 years old I

started to study in “Colegio Renacimiento” I love that place and I miss it a lot, because I spent almost

my whole life into those walls. It´s a small school but the environment is really comfortable and you

feel like with your family “at least I do”. In this school I graduated from kinder, elementary and middle

high school.

One of the activities that I started to do was gymnastics, but one of my cousins that in those days was

part of the female basketball team in our school;; invited me to

play with them and I accepted, since that day I started to play

basketball.

Also I went to piano classes every afternoon after the

training. That routine was a bit heavy, but I enjoyed it.

Since the beginning of elementary school I used to hate English and math (I still don´t like math), but

in 6th grade a new teacher came to the school and I started to enjoy English classes.

Finally when I turned 13 and a new school year started… High school, I was scared about it, so I

totally changed my attitudes and decided to improve my grades. New people came to the school and

I met new friends. During the middle high school we became an amazing united group, those years

went flying and we realized about it when we were about to turn to high school. Everyone took

different paths and it was a hard process, but we all had to move on.

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I entered to high school in “Instituto Mexicano Madero”, moved to Puebla city with my mom and

brother. At the beginning it was so hard because I miss

my father, I miss my home, friends, school and

environment. Also the academic level is higher and it

took me a long time to get accustomed and so. Right now

I´m feeling better, I don´t cry anymore because of the

things and people I miss, now I know how to handle it, I

guess this helped me to make stronger my mood.

I have lots of expectatives for the future, I am really

excited about it, I want to study emergency medicine and

traumatology, I want to work at Canada in an enormous hospital, I would like to live in Toronto in a

beautiful house.

And basically these are the most important events in my life.

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“DARKNESS, MY OLD FRIEND…”

!Go Daka, run! That´s all I can say. I’m aching, exhausted, don’t know why, but I’m running. I feel dirty, dirty inside. I feel marked. I’m ashamed and scared… I hear the same voices inside for my head, begging, screaming, crying and…. I wake up. Finally once again another of those horrible nightmares, it is the same every single night. I stand up from my bed, take an old candle which is barely liting up and walk down the stairs right to the window. And I look at this old-­fashioned city .I hate it, I hate all about it, but now I’m wondering who am i? What I’m I doing here? I don’t even like it…why am I so different from others? everyone looks at me different… I mean like if I have done something wrong. But I haven’t I´m a normal girl, well I guess not that normal, I don’t know of anyone who has been dreaming creepy things and horrible nightmares… but the thing is, why? When suddenly a terrible sense of panic and horror, makes me get out of my house. I´m feeling observed, by who? I don’t know, then I can see the eyes of a little girl, her eyes are ocean blue, they are awesome when suddenly her eyes start to cry and turn red, her face is disfigured and she starts to scream really really loud… I´m shocked. What is this?!!! Am I dreaming awake?, that´s not possible, definitely I´m getting crazy. After rambling for around for around two hours in front of the window I still can´t believe what I saw. I´m tired and I look at my watch, when I realize it´s 5:000am and I must go back to the bed and try to sleep, because I know that tomorrow is going to be an special day for many people in the town, and I should include myself. The thing is that every year the Basgard´s city organizes a big ceremony for all the teenagers of 18 years old in this ritual, they allow each participant to make a wish, which is given by the minister, a being of great authority and which has special powers. In each session you can trade a part of you for a wish, obviously your desire must be commensurate and proportionate to what you want change: you can not change a finger for money or something like that you have to give something bigger or with more value, like an eye. I really need to sleep, but I´m afraid to see that little girl with those blue eyes again… when I least expect it, I´m already sleeping … somehow I only had one nightmare, but this time it wasn´t the girl, this time is a couple, a pretty woman, with a long dress in the right, then I see her husband he looks at me and he start crying and begging while he walks to where his wife is.. I am very scared but without even wanting I walk against them .He covers his wife with his hands, she is crying. Suddenly I see my hand holding a knife. I don´t want to harm them, but I´m not having control over this situation, I walk and walk, the woman screams extremely loud, I keep going and the next thing that I see is blood in the whole room, and the bodies, one over the other one. It´s morning… finally, I´m swearing because of that nightmare… Mornings in here aren´t interesting, the sky is grey and red and basically the city looks asolated. It´s very boring, but not today! That makes me feel better… today is going to be a great day, today is the ceremony of gifts for 18-­year-­old teenagers, and I am 18, so that means I can get a gift, I get up from my bed and look for the invitation that I left somewhere in my room. I take out too many papers without trying to stuff them, putting everything in disorder, I can´t find it… I´m getting angry, when I turn back I see it on the bottom of my old smelly shirts. Immediately I grab it and I´m about to get dressed when the sense of panic, horror and blame arrives to my soul, then I see a girl just like me, her face is in shock and her hands are shaking, I drag her down, she falls into a lake, she is drowning, asking for help and wondering why? The lake takes her away and the last time that I see her face it is very late for trying to save her, she is dead, I see my hand, were I am holding a picture of her and her family, then I break it… all these nightmares are jut like that, I´m the protagonist I live it, I am there, but I just can´t do what I want to, I would never ever kill someone or watch them die…when I go back to the real life I´m aching, confused and my head is killing me, I look at my invitation and the meeting is at 6:00pm in the “eyed

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hills” they are not so far away from here, so that means that I have enough time to go for a walk, because right now that´s all I need, to get away and try to forget these nightmares. When I least expect it I´m in the downtown, this place brings me peace, but at the same time I don’t feel comfortable at all, nobody likes to walk over here and I still don’t know why, I mean it is dirty and

blows creepy feelings but in its time it might have been cool, the couples used to visit it, where kids used to play, but now it´s nothing but a forgotten place. Believe it or not I feel at home even with the freezing horror feeling, yes here in the quietude of the darkness my soul is found wrapped in a mystery .... An enigma, but bursting with peace. When I sit down in one of those old banches that surround the wainscot of the downtown;; which are barely standing up and holding every single lonely soul that sits there and tries to find rest. Immediately I realize that I've come a long way, until this point;; where I find my soul tired and trying to find answers , why? during this "long way" that everyone has traveled. why I don't? I don´t remember anything about my childhood, my family in here I don’t even have friends, nothing, nothing but nightmares… oh! And an old tattoo it looks like the half of the sun, over my left shoulder I've seen it out of the corner of my eye but I haven't analyze it yet... I don´t know when did I get it or at least what does it means… I´m like a living being that has been filled up with doubts, mysteries and

nightmares. And I just keep wondering who am?... I look at my watch and, no man time is up!, I´m late, well actually I´m late almost everytime, but not this one, the ceremony might be about to start and I can not affort me to arrive late, otherwise I will lose my chance. And quicken the step to the ceremony I realize that I am not the only one, there are some other girls hurrying up just like me, and all of a sudden a thunderous howl right behind me… a girl, she´s screaming and crying two strong men, are taking her by the arms, forcing her and saying that she must obey, that in this situation she has no control, her face is filled with anguish, she looks at me in the eyes, her gaze penetrates to the depths of my being, asking for help… i will always remember that look, it has been recorded in my mind, forever… I don´t know what to do she is calling me out, for a momento a part of me is burning up, i want to punch those two guys in the face, i want, i want to…kill them. I´m getting crazy, can´t believe i just tought about that, how could that happened? Now I´m kinda afraid about me…and i don´t even know her, now just imagin if she were something of me! I woul get mad, but… I just can´t help her. We all quik our steps trying to leave them behind… When far enough from the girl and the men, the rumors start running, I heard that, she is a peasant that has been taken away from her family and she was put up for sale as a slave, and those two men, took a chance on her because of the gift, she has been forced to trade her beatiful blue eyes for diamonds… how is it posible?! She is inofensive and inocent…She is so beautiful, her skin just like cotton, her lips seemed to have been painted with cerry and her golden long hair… all that would mean nothing without her eyes…poor girl. When I least expect it we are all already in the field where the ceremony will take place, i just got lost thinking about the blue eyed girl, what a tragedy!, but here we are. I have never been here, but it looks so familiar.An old-­fashioned woman shouts out instructions like if her life would depend of it…we get in line, walk towards a big table of gold where we give our names and fill the register, then we are taken into an elegant huge room, there we all make a cicle and in the middle it´s located a chest of middle size covered with precios and expensive metals. Everyone is in silence and the situation gets even more immconfortable every second.

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Many girls are crying, others are excited, some guys look confused and others worried, their faces betray each one.. I pass my look from one end of the room to another, many times, somehow I enjoy the uncertainty that their souls spread out. After a while I notice the blue eyed girl, I want to tell her: Hey!, I´ve been looking for you since we entered to the room, I know that´s stupid, but what catches my attention even more is that she´s not crying, her gaze is lost, sunken, sunk in penumbra, her soul is craving for salvation, she has given up, the only thing that is missing is her wish, the one that has been stolen by the mean and wretches men… it´s her end. My attention rambles for few second thinking about how many other girls in here are being forced, I guess all of the ones that are crying or the ones like the blue eyed girl, just in shock, if I could do something to help her, I do not belong to any kind of group neither feelings that these people is going through, the reason is because I don´t have a wish, don´t know what I want, and maybe, jus maybe I

can ask for her freedom, I would break down the chains that are holding the blue eyed girl, but who is she? I should just forget about her, she is becoming a distraction, better aid the compasión is becoming a distraction I can not think about what i want! This is freaking me out… A deafening noisy braks out the deep silence that was wrapping to all of us. It was the “real minister” the one who is the responsable of the ceremony, we make a reverence and he enters to the room, everyone´s legs are shaking of fear, he looks intimidating and powerful, he walks towards the luxury chest, he opens it and a bright light comes over, inside of tthe chest there´s a transparent cube,

which in an unknown way absorbs the gift to be traded and makes your wish come true. The man looks around and says: Some of you will get a good deal, some other will want to never have come, the most of your wishes are overwhelming, but it´s too late, at this point you can not leave”,then …he calls one by one in order, saying each one´s name very very loud, and when he says one name, the person must walk directly to him and say “Drengshed” that means: “I asume the responsability” and then proceeds to say what you are going to trade for what you want. This is how the worst nightmare for many people started. I couln´t believe what they were trading for, in my mind I was saying: “it´s not worth it, stop it!”, i don´t want to waste it, the way they are doing, I´m focusing so in theirs wishes that i don´t know mine… What am I expecting? It's time to choose there are missing only 13 and then is my turn... I'm shaking, can't hide that I'm nervous, and then I turn to my shoulder and look at the tattoo I can choose to know the meaning of it, or maybe who am I?, I don't want lies i want to know that by myself, but then from nowhere the sense of blame comes back and I really want to know where does it comes from... And why? I start to think when there are missing only 5 girls-­-­hurry up!! I´m dying time flies and roundly I make this question to me: where can I find answers to this? I guess .... the “CROLD” it is a phase in our world where the darkness of each one is found… they can send me there, nobody has never ever done something like this before neither tink about it, but I´m insecure… No!, stop it you shouldn´t get in!... It's a terrible suicide idea!, I say to me..... Then I just realize that I don't have anything to lose, but the idea still scares... 2 girls... But hey Daka life is worth living!!! You may never return...I think, it will only be one night...well, one night is more tan enough to don´t ever come back… When unexpectedly ...DAKA !!! I Heard, no, no, no please no, tell me it´s not me, when everyone´s faces turn to me and there is go, I give the first step, next one, next one… When I´m already in front of the “real minister”, I say: “Drengshed”, I am going to trade (I hesitancy) … my soul, so I can go to the “CROLD” The surprised voices of the crowd became even more and

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more evident and louder, the minister thinks, and looks at me expecting some dramatic change, but nothing… he procedes;; “you will stay there only one night, until the 12:00pm… but if you don´t return… He stopped, everyone knew what his silence meant, I agree. Inmediately he takes his cube, locates it right in my heart and I see my soul shedding out from my body while I was saying:” One, two, three.... Until 12:00pm I whisper to myself “… The pain is insoportable!!!!!!! I shout out a deafening howl. Everything happened in a blink of an eye… Those words that barely were spoken out from my mouth, those words may condend me forever… yes!, I was there, the “CROLD”, it is inhospitable, dark and dark all around, is full of fog and a horrible sense of peace floodes me. remember the sense of lain and fear, the nightmares and the blaze.That's not how I feel over there but why? Every bad sense is gone, I didn't expect that! After a while I think that I may be in the right place, I know it's a mystery all of this... But I came here for an answer and I'm just wasting my time... I guess I should just look for my "dark side",everyone has one and maybe I can find answers about my past and what has been killing me everyday since I have memory... I walk and I walk following my instincts I get to "AYSHA" That name is very familiar to me I don't know why but I feel an strong attraction and it is calling me in silence.... I get in and I can feel it, then I say: "hello darkness my old friend" I don't know why did I say that, is that me? I Feel connected and for a moment the fear disappears and I continue -­"I'm here to talk with you again, have you forgotten what we did in the past? We were just like thunder and the sky , like partners in crime..." And he replied:"it's been a long time since you didn't come back, but I've been there with you every single time... Reminding you what we did" And then I return it's me, I'm back.... And with my own rationalism I ask:"are you in my nightmares ? Are you the cause of all that?" -­"no darling,I'm not the cause of that ....you did it, don't you remember? All those voices in your head begging and crying, all those 'nightmares' we're just memories of real people" -­"I haven't done anything to anyone, those are not memories!" -­"yes they are Aysha" -­"AYSHA? I'm not Aysha, my name is Daka" -­"well, now I see that you can't remember anything... Let me fresh your mind..... You are a serial killer.Your name is Aysha.You have been brainwashed " Brainwashed. That word made echo in my mind... -­"no, it's not possible" I tried to deny it, but it was very clear, being brainwashed explains everything... -­"oh Aysha! You were awesome in your job... So wicked, the last time I couldn't send you congratulations, because they caught you, but you left the downtown terrified for some many years... It was incredible" And it starts, I started to recover my memory for few seconds, the downtown .... And I remember it all, it was my last crime I killed two guys that day.... In an old banch, now I know why was it so familiar to me! And it scares me ... -­"but I couldn't... I mean " -­"you don't think that you can do so, just like the first time you killed.." More, more, more and even more memories..... Can't believe it I feel dirty, I'm guilty.... And I couldn't resist. I get away from there.... I run and run .... While running I realize that is 11:53pm!!! And my dark side is coming for me ..... I try to find the exit... Everything consuming me! I'm crying and I keep running.... I still gave so many questions to ask , but it's late and I don't really want to stay here...I'm relented, just want to go back to Bensharg and say I'm sorry, I know it's late but I'm really sorry and this feeling is killing me inside.... I know I've done wrong but I didn't meant to harm anyone..,at least not Daka. I look at my watch and its 11:59 ... One minute! I see the exit I can see a little light....my darkness is

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still back of me .....following me! And I put my hand in the light...I jump....it's too late, I see it closing in front of me. The 12:00 pm it's late. Late to return. Late to scape. Late to ask forgiveness... I turn back.... And there is it... What took me there! Darkness...

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Conclusion

After reading these writings you may feel the way I do. I'm craving more of the short story and I enjoyed so much the poem and how reading takes you to another world. I really enjoyed working on this writings and also I loved the topic. Let me tell you that At the begging it was really hard to write the poem which has to contain rhymes and at the same time make sense and show what you want to be shown but later on it gets fluent. This topic involves many feelings that sometimes aren't easy to be written down, but here they are. An personally what I learned with this Project was to know how to order your ideas and write them down cohesively. Also I learned that at least for me is easier to focus all the writings in one Project, because you guie yourself in the same tune. Let me say that the essay wasn´t that easy for me, because I had to combine my ideas with quotes and information without repeating what I wanted to say.

But at the end I liked it hope you feel the same...