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Pg1}{\bkmkend Pg1}\par\pard\ql \li4972\sb0\sl-322\slmult0 \par\pard\ql\li4972\sb0\sl-322\slmult0 \par\pard\ql\li4972\sb0\sl-322\slmult0 \par\pard\ql\li4972\sb228\sl-322\slmult0 \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex103 \ul0\nosupersub\cf1\f2\fs28 Milo\u353? Crnjanski \par\pard\ql \li4617\sb0\sl-322\slmult0 \par\pard\ql\li4617\sb0\sl-322\slmult0 \par\pard\ql\li4617\sb14\sl-322\slmult0 \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex103 "Dnevnik o \u268?arnojevi\u263?u" \par\pard\qj \li1152\sb0\sl-497\slmult0 \par\pard\qj\li1152\sb0\sl-497\slmult0 \par\pard\qj\li1152\sb0\sl-497\slmult0 \par\pard\qj\li1152\sb0\sl-497\slmult0 \par\pard\qj\li1152\sb0\sl-497\slmult0 \par\pard\qj\li1152\sb0\sl-497\slmult0 \par\pard\qj\li1152\sb0\sl-497\slmult0 \par\pard\qj\li1152\sb0\sl-497\slmult0 \par\pard\qj\li1152\ri922\sb98\sl-497\slmult0\fi707 \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex105 Jesen, i \u382?ivot bez smisla. Proveo sam no\u263? u zatvoru sa nekim Ciganima. \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex103 Vu\u269?em se po kavanama. Sednem do prozora, i zagledam se u maglu i u rumena, \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex104 mokra, \u382?uta drveta. Gde je \u382?ivot? One krvave, crvene, tople \u353?ume, nepregledne \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex105 poljske \u353?ume, kako me umori\u353?e. Vojnik sam, o, niko ne zna, \u353?ta to zna\u269?i. Ali u \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex109 ovoj buri, \u353?to je zavrtela mozak svetu, malo je ljudi, koji tako slatko i mirno \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex109 \u382?ive kao ja. Vu\u269?em se tako od grada do grada, i \u353?etam se pod ovim jesenjim \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex107 drve\u263?em rumenim i \u382?utim, koje ima na mene isto toliko uticaja kao na Hafisa \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex104 vino. A zatvor, i ve\u382?be i kasarna smradna, va\u353?ljiva i crna, tako me malo dira. Ja \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex110 sam zaljubljen u vode ove, i drve\u263?e iza bedema, koje se gubi meu barama \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex110 \u382?utim i zelenim, kraj kojih je trava tako meka, opr\u382?ena i topla. I volim svoj \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex104 \u382?ivot \u269?arju, koju sam osetio lane, kad sam se vra\u263?ao iz onih blatnih, mladih, po \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex104 lja\u269?kih \u353?uma, gde su onoliki ostali poderani i krvavi, sa razlupanim \u269?elom i pun \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex105 uspomena, ja ih pi\u353?em ponosno, kao Kazanova za one, koji su goreli u po \u382?aru \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex107 \u382?ivota, i koji su sasvim razo\u269?arani. U mra\u269?nim no\u263?ima, po malim ku\u263?icama i \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex102 kolebama, gde se naoh na stra\u382?i sa nekoliko momaka, ja pi\u353?em mnogo \u353?ta, \u269?ega \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex102 se nerado se\u263?am. \par\pard\sect\sectd\fs24\paperw11900\paperh16840\pard\sb0\sl-240{\bkmkstart Pg2}{\bkmkend Pg2}\par\pard\qj \li1151\sb0\sl-493\slmult0 \par\pard\qj\li1151\sb0\sl-493\slmult0 \par\pard\qj\li1151\ri923\sb67\sl-493\slmult0\fi707 \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex107 \ul0\nosupersub\cf1\f2\fs28 Bilo je Juna. Veseo dan, Vidovdan. Be\u269? se raseljavao u kupatila. Si\u353?ao \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex106 sam v.eseo u na\u353?u malu crkvu, gde se gospoe tako divno okre\u263?u \u269?im ko ue. \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex110 Popa je prtio jevangelije, okretao ga, unosio ga, iznosio ga:gospoe su tiho \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex101 razgovarale, a gospoda zveketala sa novcima za tas. \par\pard\qj \li1151\sb0\sl-496\slmult0 \par\pard\qj\li1151\ri923\sb9\sl-496\slmult0\fi707 \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex104 Posle smo i\u353?li u "kursalon". Tu, gde je nekad Branko ka\u353?ljucaju\u263?i \u353?etao, i \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex109 sanjao vinograde po klupama, kupile se dame obu\u269?ene sve\u269?ano, sa velikim, \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex108 \u382?utim cipelama. Pa ipak bilo je sve\u269?ano. Govorilo se i govorilo, a nad nama, \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex103 visoko na slici, grlila se tri gola mladi\u263?a, kle\u269?e\u263?i i ljube\u263?i trobojku. Bio je veseo \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex105 dan, Vidovdan. Uve\u269?e su se izopijali, no to je kod nas "od pradedova". Razbili \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex103 su prozore, i mnogi su putovali A topla no\u263?, zvezdana no\u263?, raspaljena od jednog \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex108 lepog ubistva, horila se od graje i \u382?agora vesele svetine Pred zoru sam do\u353?ao \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex103 ku\u263?i, legao sam, da spavam; Vidovdan je bio pro\u353?ao. Sutradan su lepe Bosanke, \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex111 ispra\u263?ene od kr\u353?nih dalmatinskih aka, putovale sre\u263?no sa svojim matorim \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex106 mu\u382?evima. Odoh i ja. U vozu su svi grdili ubicu. Jedna gospa pri\u269?ala je, da je \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex114 taj sme\u353?ni, vidovdanski junak bio "pokvaren" i da su svi gimnazisti i sve \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex103 gimnazistkinje u Sarajevu "pokvareni". Meni su o\u269?i bile pune suza. Ah, bio sam \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex103 tada jo\u353? mlad, ah, tako mlad. \par\pard\qj \li1151\sb0\sl-495\slmult0 \par\pard\qj\li1151\ri923\sb10\sl-495\slmult0\fi707 \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex109 Varadinske se \u263?uprije tresle od mar\u353?a bataljona, a sva julska no\u263? be\u353?e \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex104 svetla od pijane pesme zaki\u263?enih vojnika. \u268?uli smo, da su iza gradskih bedema \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex106 streljani neki u\u269?itelji. U crkvi je vladika slavio vernost \u263?esaru, a po ku\u263?ama se \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex108 sakrivale ikone i slike cara Du\u353?ana. Samo su \u263?ur\u269?ije i opan\u269?ari i\u353?li mirno, sa \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex111 rukama u d\u382?epu po ulici, pljuckali i vikali jedno za drugim: "Aco"; slegali \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex105 ramenima: "eh, kilenc, s nama je Engleska". Kad sam se popeo u voz, ja sam u \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex106 sebi tiho ponavljao hladne, rasko\u353?ne, latinske re\u269?i. "da sunce ne sagleda nikad \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex106 ve\u263?ega grada od Rima", i obla\u269?io sam, i svla\u269?io sam svoje bele rukavice, koje \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex106 sam toliko voleo. Posle sam video dvori\u353?te puno popova, ljudi, i \u382?ena. O, kako je \par\pard\sect\sectd\fs24\paperw11900\paperh16840\pard\sb0\sl-240{\bkmkstart Pg3}{\bkmkend Pg3}\par\pard\qj \li1151\sb0\sl-500\slmult0 \par\pard\qj\li1151\sb0\sl-500\slmult0 \par\pard\qj\li1151\ri923\sb47\sl-500\slmult0 \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex106 \ul0\nosupersub\cf1\f2\fs28 to bilo sme\u353?no. Morali smo svi da zabodemo nos u zid i da \u263?utimo. Tako sam \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex106 stajao do u ve\u269?e Tada sam pao u nesvest. Bio sam vrlo ne\u382?an, mladi gospodin. \par\pard\qj \li1151\ri923\sb483\sl-497\slmult0\fi707 \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex104 Posle su me tukli Ni to nije bolelo. Bio sam navikao, da \u269?itam romane, pa \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex104 sam \u269?esto mislio na Dostojevskovu "Katorgu". Posle su me opet udarali po licu \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex106 Videli su po ispravi da sam po\u353?ao u Rim, i vikali su mi u lice. "Spion, Spion". \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex103 Jedan pop je le\u382?ao kraj mene, usta mu behu krvava, a svi zubi polomljeni. Posle \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex114 su uveli jednu mladu gospou sa dvoje dece I bilo je bljutavo: kako su je \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex109 obletali Ali su i na nju vikali: "Spion, Spion", ma da je ona, sva bleda, grlila \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex106 male, smele glave svoje de\u269?ice, i \u353?aputala: "Moj mu\u382? nije autant '\u263?turm', moj \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex106 mu\u382? je major" Ja sam tu\u382?no gledao unaokolo; prepadoh se, skidoh bele \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex108 rukavice i sedoh meu neke senke u mra\u269?nom hodniku, \u353?to su stra\u353?no \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex108 zaudarale, gurale me i jednako \u353?aputale: "jel', ej, daj malo duvana". \par\pard\qj \li1151\sb0\sl-496\slmult0 \par\pard\qj\li1151\ri923\sb8\sl-496\slmult0\fi708 \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex106 Topovi gruvaju. Neko slavi roen-dan A kako sam se rodio ja? Otac mi \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex108 be\u353?e pevao pesmu i zalepio banku tambura\u353?u na \u269?elo. Po celu no\u263? je po ci\u269?i, \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex104 zimi, na sred zavejanog trga stajala gomila naroda oko vatre, i \u269?ekala da svane, \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex111 da bira poslanika Ka\u382?u, sutradan je morao ostaviti svoju srebrom okovanu \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex105 pu\u353?ku i psa, svoje debele nataro\u353?e, i oti\u263?i nekud daleko, na Tisu. Ka\u382?u, tamo je \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex103 piskarao ceo dan, a no\u263?u ban\u269?io; pijanog su ga na saonicama dovozili ku\u263?i. Tek \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex108 posle pet godina rodio sam se ja. I tada me povi\u353?e u jednoj korpi za rublje; a \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex104 mati mi peva\u353?e po celu no\u263? uspavanke, najradije onu iz "Niza Bisera", ili su mi \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex110 jednako pri\u269?ali o nekim selima, \u353?to su gorela, i o nekim ljudima sa crvenim \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex104 fesovima, \u353?to su jednako klali i ubijali Jedno ve\u269?e su mi pri\u269?ali: kako se nabada \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex104 na kolac. Ka\u382?u, mnogo sam tada plakao. \par\pard\qj \li1151\sb0\sl-480\slmult0 \par\pard\qj\li1151\ri923\sb38\sl-480\slmult0\fi707 \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex104 Kad be\u353?e peti dan, trebalo je dete krstiti u ime Oca i Sina i Svetoga Duha. \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex104 Poo\u353?e, dakle, po snegu i vihoru u saonicama. Ka\u382?u ni suzu pustio nisam. Na \par\pard\sect\sectd\fs24\paperw11900\paperh16840\pard\sb0\sl-240{\bkmkstart Pg4}{\bkmkend Pg4}\par\pard\qj \li1151\sb0\sl-496\slmult0 \par\pard\qj\li1151\sb0\sl-496\slmult0 \par\pard\qj\li1151\ri923\sb59\sl-496\slmult0 \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex109 \ul0\nosupersub\cf1\f2\fs28 Tisi su nas vijali vuci, a led je po\u269?eo pod nama da pr\u353?ti. Krstili su me negde \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex105 daleko, u nekoj staroj gr\u269?koj, cincarskoj, crkvi Mati mi plaka\u353?e. Otmena jedna \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex106 plemenita dama, \u353?to je trebala da me dr\u382?i u vodi, nije do\u353?la Mo\u382?da je upla\u353?i\u353?e \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex104 vuci. I tako, jer \u269?ekati se nije moglo, uze\u353?e jednog pravoslavnog \u269?oveka, \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex107 crkvenjaka, po imenu Bo\u382?ura. I on, suzan zbog po\u269?asti, \u353?to ga iznenada sti\u382?e, \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex107 dr\u382?a\u353?e dete, pod vodu svetu i plaka\u353?e, jer nije imao ni prebijene pare, da dete \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex109 dariva. Bogati Cincari i lepe Grkinje, koje su se rado se\u263?ale banatskih aka, \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex105 seti\u353?e se i moga oca, i pozva\u353?e nas u ku\u263?e svoje. A svud u snegu beli\u353?e se tako \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex104 prazne, na\u353?e stare, ostavljene crkve Daleko u daljini sijali se krstovi, i videle se \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex105 senke na\u353?ih starih, praznih, ostavljenih crkvica. No moja mati ponosita i gorka \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex109 odbila je prezrivo pozive, i mi smo opet jurili po zavejanoj reci izmi\u269?u\u263?i od \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex103 urlika vukova. I od tada je meni jedino dobro u \u382?ivotu bio sneg; a kad po\u269?eh, da \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex107 vidim oko sebe ku\u263?e i ulice; kad po\u269?eh, da razumem re\u269?i, bili smo opet oti\u353?li \line \up0 \expndtw-2\charscalex100 dalje. Oh, selili smo se \u269?esto. \par\pard\qj \li1151\ri923\sb481\sl-500\slmult0\fi707 \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex106 Zorom, u hladnoj septembarskoj magli, i\u353?ao sam preko mosta. Sunce je \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex103 bilo veliko u buktanju nad bedemima. Pozdravio sam ga i verovao, da \u263?e mi i tu \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex104 dobro biti. Naoh prijatelje. Iz te\u353?kih, starih kazamata izlazili su; o ovom \u269?uh, \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex107 da je poginuo, o onom, da je ranjen Prvo sam oti\u353?ao opet u zatvor; no brzo su \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex107 me pustili Mislili su, da \u263?u skoro umreti Ka\u353?ljucao sam, i i\u353?ao sam za kolima \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex101 natovarenim vrelim, sve\u382?im hlebovima. \par\pard\qj \li1151\ri923\sb484\sl-496\slmult0\fi707 \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex103 Bolesti su bile moji najlep\u353?i do\u382?ivljaji. Obla\u269?ili su me u belo i metali me u \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex103 prozor; a ljudi su zastajali i gledali me. O, \u353?ta sve nisu \u269?inili sa mnom A i majke \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex109 se se\u263?am samo kao kroza san. Ona je bila mlada i lepa udovica. O, i meni je \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex104 mnogo \u269?ega \u382?ao. Se\u263?am se, sedela mi je na postelji i pevala mi pesme u kojima \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex110 se jednako klalo i ubijalo, a sela su gorela o, koliko sam zbog toga vriskao. \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex104 Sutradan bih be\u382?ao od ku\u263?e. Skrivao sam se ispod bedema, tamo meu zelenim \par\pard\sect\sectd\fs24\paperw11900\paperh16840\pard\sb0\sl-240{\bkmkstart Pg5}{\bkmkend Pg5}\par\pard\qj \li1151\sb0\sl-496\slmult0 \par\pard\qj\li1151\sb0\sl-496\slmult0 \par\pard\qj\li1151\ri923\sb59\sl-496\slmult0 \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex107 \ul0\nosupersub\cf1\f2\fs28 barama, kraj kojih je trava bila \u382?uta i gusta. Le\u382?ao sam dugo kraj njih i vadio \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex112 \u382?abe zelene, \u353?arene, sa rumenim o\u269?ima Se\u263?am se tih o\u269?iju rumenih, \u382?utih, \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex104 tajanstvenih i kako sam ih dugo zagledao. One su mi drhtale na dlanu, a ja sam \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex108 im, le\u382?e\u263?i u travi, dugo, dugo gledao u o\u269?i rumene i \u382?ute. Se\u263?am se zvonika. \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex109 Crkve su na\u353?e u mom zavi\u269?aju prazne i pra\u353?ne. Veliko, staro zvono crkveno \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex114 brujalo je nadamnom; a ja sam kao mali mi\u353? \u269?u\u269?ao na gredama i gledao \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex102 unezvereno oko sebe. Tuga me je rano na\u353?la. Niko me nije pitao kud idem i niko \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex106 me nije do\u269?ekivao kad sam se vra\u263?ao ku\u263?i. Mati mi je bila vesela i lepu\u353?kasta \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex113 udovica. Zimi sam skupljao smrznute ti\u269?ice i sakrivao ih; a leti sam tajno \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex104 obilazio stare, nakrivljene plotove i hranio ku\u269?i\u263?e o kojima se niko brinuo nije. \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex110 A subotom, kad bi zvona zabrujala, sakrio bih se nekud na zvoniku punom \line \up0 \expndtw-1\charscalex100 slepih mi\u353?eva i dugo se molio Bogu. Sve to nije va\u382?no, jer je pro\u353?lo. \par\pard\qj \li1151\sb0\sl-496\slmult0 \par\pard\qj\li1151\ri923\sb8\sl-496\slmult0\fi707 \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex105 Bolesti mi behu najlep\u353?i do\u382?ivljaji. Le\u382?ao sam sav u \u269?ipkama lakim kao \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex106 perje, a kroz prozore sam video golubove moje, koje sam toliko voleo, \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex110 preme\u353?tao i kupao Mati mi je morala vaditi stare adidare, sve bisere njene i \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex108 svilene vezove, a ja bih ih kupio i gomilao na grudima i le\u382?ao pod njima sav \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex106 bla\u382?en, pa bih, sme\u353?e\u263?i se, prosipao iz jedne \u353?ake u drugu zlatne zmije, grivne \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex104 pune rumena kamenja draga. I kad se setim, da je to bilo davno, meni se \u269?ini to \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex104 tako u\u382?asno. \par\pard\qj \li1151\ri923\sb484\sl-496\slmult0\fi707 \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex105 Putovali smo. Se\u263?am se samo kola, koja su jurila meu \u382?ito i svoje male, \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex106 smee glave, u kojoj se vrzle tolike misli Moja je majka \u269?esto i rado putovala. \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex103 Tada je bila uvek bleda. Obla\u269?ila me je u svilu i navikla me je na bele rukavice, \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex111 koje su mi no\u263?u silom skidali sa ruku A i ona bi spavala u rukavicama; \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex107 namazala bi ruke ne\u269?im, \u353?to je mirisalo kao ljubi\u269?ice i spavala u rukavicama. \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex104 Oh, ja sam sve video. Jednako smo putovali. Ona se obla\u269?ila u crno A njene su \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex104 slu\u353?kinje bile tako raskala\u353?ne; se\u263?am se, jednom sam od stida i straha plakao. \par\pard\sect\sectd\fs24\paperw11900\paperh16840\pard\sb0\sl-240{\bkmkstart Pg6}{\bkmkend Pg6}\par\pard\qj \li1151\sb0\sl-497\slmult0 \par\pard\qj\li1151\sb0\sl-497\slmult0 \par\pard\qj\li1151\ri923\sb56\sl-497\slmult0 \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex102 \ul0\nosupersub\cf1\f2\fs28 Bled i neispavan ja sam upla\u353?eno gledao ljude oko sebe, stanice i vozove \u269?aave \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex105 i zadimljene. Ona se obla\u269?ila jednako u svoje mirisne svile crne i nosila me po \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex106 kupatilima, gde se \u353?etala po mese\u269?ini i igrala po podu, koji se sjao i svetlucao \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex112 Oko nas su bila no\u263?u crna i velika brda. Ona je najradije igrala sa vla\u353?kim \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex108 oficirima, koji su mi donosili slatki\u353?e. Vodili su me na jahanje i ja se se\u263?am, \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex111 kako bih se upla\u353?io kad bi negde zastali u \u353?umi i susreli majku, koja je i\u353?la \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex114 pe\u353?ice i glasno se smejala. Primetio sam, da se taj kikot, koji sam mrzeo, \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex111 ponavljao uvek, kad bi se obukla u tu crnu svilenu haljinu koja je bila jako \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex111 tesna. Tada su mi o\u269?i po ceo dan bile pune prikrivenih suza. Sve mi to sad \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex108 izgleda tako \u269?udno i neverovatno. I uvek sam se uve\u269?e se\u263?ao na staru crkvu, \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex106 kraj koje smo stanovali i le\u382?e\u263?i kraj majke (jer ja sam jo\u353? uvek spavao s njom, \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex108 mada se ona tome jetko opirala) \u269?esto sam tiho suzio u mraku. Ona je rano u \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex103 zoru odlazila nekud na kupanje. Vi\u353?e puta jo\u353? polunaga, sede\u263?i pred ogledalom, \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex114 ona bi me karala \u353?to ne spavam. Ali ja ve\u263? u detinjstvu nisam mogao da \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex102 spavam. \par\pard\qj \li1151\ri923\sb484\sl-496\slmult0\fi708 \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex114 Zorom su \u353?edrvani bili vrlo hladni, a ja sam sedeo kraj njih i \u269?ekao \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex103 majku. I sad, posle tolikih godina nema vi\u353?e ni\u269?ega na svetu, \u353?to bi me za\u269?udilo \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex109 U jednom zelenom paviljonu svirala je vojna muzika, a ona me je vodila po \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex104 gunguli \u382?ena i namirisanih oficira, kroz koju sam ja ve\u353?ta\u269?ki terao obru\u269?. I sad, \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex109 kad je mladost pro\u353?la i kad sve razumem, mene \u269?esto podilazi jeza od u\u382?asa \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex102 \u268?im bismo mi do\u353?li ku\u263?i iz tuine, zazvonila bi zvona. \u268?inilo mi se, da ba\u353? meni \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex110 zvone. A nedeljom je bilo lepo. Sa zidova su se tada sme\u353?ila lica uokvirena \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex112 belim, visokim jakama, a pod njima su se okretali u veselom \u382?agoru grdni \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex106 \u382?enski \u353?e\u353?iri, \u353?to su me se\u263?ali na to\u269?kove oki\u263?ene cve\u263?em sa pokrhanih \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex108 svatovskih kola. Moja je majka rado i\u353?la u svatove. Prvo je ustajao i govorio \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex103 jedan gospodin u crnom sve ne\u353?to nejasno i dugo o Kosovu. Posle je mlad jedan \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex103 sve\u353?tenik \u269?itao "Vetar". Peva\u269?ko dru\u353?tvo stisnuto kraj zida kikotalo se i \par\pard\sect\sectd\fs24\paperw11900\paperh16840\pard\sb0\sl-240{\bkmkstart Pg7}{\bkmkend Pg7}\par\pard\qj \li1151\sb0\sl-496\slmult0 \par\pard\qj\li1151\sb0\sl-496\slmult0 \par\pard\qj\li1151\ri923\sb59\sl-496\slmult0 \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex106 \ul0\nosupersub\cf1\f2\fs28 gnje\u269?ilo zaljubljeno. Poznanice moje majke su me vrebale, jedino me je \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex106 protinica zvala otvoreno i jasno sa jednim osmehom Posle je peva\u269?ko dru\u353?tvo \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex109 pevalo sve ne\u353?to o Kara-Mustafi, a ja sam stojao bled i sav u groznici od tih \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex111 pesama I uvek mi je na du\u353?i ostajao od sve te graje jedino zamor, posle tih \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex106 pesama. Stojao sam i slu\u353?ao sam, kako mi mati peva prvi glas Protinica bi me \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex105 pitala, sme\u353?e\u263?i se, \u353?to joj ne dolazim i \u353?to tako retko izlazim iz ku\u263?e i dodavala \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex107 klimaju\u263?i glavom prema mojoj majci raspevanoj: "E, lako je Vama, u sopran, \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex107 udovica ste!" Oh, ja sam sve \u269?uo. Pesme te pritisle su me uza zid, uzimale mi \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex105 dah. A da sam znao \u353?ta \u269?inimo, gledao sam prenera\u382?eno stare ikone oko mene, \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex111 neke ljude popadale sa no\u382?em u ruci pred \u353?an\u269?evima, sa crvenim fesom na \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex100 glavi: i te stare ikone i slike pekle su mi o\u269?i, kao da su me zraci, \u353?to su se odbijali \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex109 sa njinog tamnog zlata probadali. Tek kad bi neko sko\u269?io na stolicu i vi\u269?u\u263?i \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex110 predlagao, da se pozdravi patrijarh, a drugi po\u269?eli besno psovati, tek bih se \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex108 tada trgao. Mati bi mi prilazila, i mi bi odlazili kroz dvori\u353?ta, gde su nabijali \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex107 burad. Sve je to davno pro\u353?lo i sve mi se \u269?ini tako sme\u353?no. Zvona nad na\u353?om \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex103 ku\u263?om zazvonila bi tamno i u njinoj reci plovila bi i crkva, i ulice, i sva okolina \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex109 nekud u visinu Ceo je svet tada bio tako lak Se\u263?am se: moje bezbrojne tetke \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex103 dolazile su i plakale: videv\u353?i me \u269?esto bolnog, pri\u269?ale su mi o ocu i govorile, da \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex105 me po\u353?alju u Be\u269? da u\u269?im, pa da budem ministar u Srbiji. A ja sam se sakrivao \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex107 u polju iza grada najradije na groblju, gde su kraj gustih kukuruza pasla stada \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex106 i stojale grdne barutane. Tu bih le\u382?ao u travi kraj kakve derne klupe. Iza mene \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex102 su \u353?umeli vrbaci. Pred ve\u269?e oni bi porumeneli i ja bih ustao i za\u269?udio se i jednog \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex114 dana zavi\u353?e me u bunde, koje su zaudarale na obore, napuni\u353?e mi prtljag \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex110 grdnim, belim hlebovima a d\u382?epove sa mustrama mojih tetaka kojima sam \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex113 trebao da kupim: razne "krepove" i "delene" i neke makaze za "frizure", i \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex106 cipele neke sa dugmadima, i smesti\u353?e me u mali voz, zaplaka\u353?e i i\u382?ljubi\u353?e me. \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex106 Pri\u269?ali su mi, da su mi i stri\u269?evi i otac tako odlazili. Voz je stenjao i peo se na \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex106 bre\u382?uljke kraj Dunava. \par\pard\sect\sectd\fs24\paperw11900\paperh16840\pard\sb0\sl-240{\bkmkstart Pg8}{\bkmkend Pg8}\par\pard\qj \li1151\sb0\sl-496\slmult0 \par\pard\qj\li1151\sb0\sl-496\slmult0 \par\pard\qj\li1151\sb0\sl-496\slmult0 \par\pard\qj\li1151\ri923\sb63\sl-496\slmult0\fi707 \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex103 \ul0\nosupersub\cf1\f2\fs28 Bataljon se vukao celu no\u263? kroz neka mokra polja i strnjike. Ljuljale su se \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex103 male vatre od cigareta. Zastajalo se lagano Desno i levo ose\u263?ali smo, da se vuku \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex108 kroz no\u263? i polja, mase. Artiljerija je lupetala, zveckala i psovala. Prolazilo se \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex108 kroz neke bele, prazne ku\u263?e, izga\u382?ene ba\u353?te, i nalazili smo svud samo \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex104 krastavaca, mnogo krastavaca u vodi. Po nekim bre\u382?uljcima le\u382?ali smo u \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex110 gomilama; znali smo, da se skupljamo sa svih strana. Padale su prve magle \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex108 zornja\u269?e; u praskozorje hladno dovukli smo se pod neki bre\u382?uljak i po\u269?eli se \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex103 ukopavati. Ja nisam. Bio sam neispavan, umoran od svega toga. Ukopavali smo \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex104 se u nekom mokrom krompiru i do\u353?la je najzad lepa, avgustska zora. Iza nas, iz \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex102 neke \u353?umice peva\u353?e neko cele no\u263?i uz harmoniku ne\u353?to tu\u382?no \u269?e\u353?ki. Bilo je tiho i \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex110 nemo u magli. \u268?ak gore se rumeni oblaci igrali \u382?mure nad nama. Polako je \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex103 zemlja po\u269?ela, da biva sve rumenija. Tada sinu, sevnu kao divlje lajanje iza nas. \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex113 Pucali su nekoliko hvati nad glavama na\u353?im. Neko opsova i pade u jarak \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex107 "Decken", po\u269?e\u353?e dovikivati i sve se sahranjivalo u rov Vukla se slama, koju \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex106 bog zna gde nao\u353?e, posle se \u269?ulo \u382?vakanje i cerekanje iz jarkova, a topovi su \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex111 nad nama presecali grozno. Po\u269?e duboko i potmulo Kraj mene le\u382?a\u353?e neki \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex104 trgova\u269?ki pomo\u263?nik iz Bele Crkve, dobro dete Radulovi\u263?. Ho\u263?e "Durchbruch", \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex107 ka\u382?e on. Ja \u263?utim i saginjem glavu. \u268?ujem iza mene onog, \u353?to Ve\u263? mesecima \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex108 svako jutro \u269?ita San Majke Bo\u382?ije, a ja opet sagnuh glavu i po\u269?eh jesti hleb i \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex104 posipati ga \u353?e\u263?erom. \u268?ujem kako iza nas vi\u269?u kod topova zapovesti i brojeve, i \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex102 tiho i te\u353?ko ka\u353?ljem, ka\u353?ljem. Levo od nas vidim, kako u nekom ubogom seocetu \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex105 izlaze ljudi na kraj sela Vi.. u.. hub... prva od Rusa. "Iza nas" \u269?ujem kako neko \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex107 \u353?apu\u263?e. Onda tresnu zemlja visoko gore, a neki konji po\u269?e\u353?e da tr\u269?e sa brega. \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex111 Gore su oblaci i dalje igrali \u382?mure i samo se \u269?ulo: kao da te\u353?ki, natovareni \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex107 vozovi puze po zraku Rusi zasu\u353?e krompir \u353?rapnelom i opet ni\u353?ta. Daleko iza \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex109 brega grozno \u353?iju ma\u353?inke. Oko deset sati dolazi vojnik. \u268?ita nam zapovest. \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex109 Spominju K"niggraetz i Custozza-u. Vezujemo torbe "Nemojte zaboraviti \par\pard\sect\sectd\fs24\paperw11900\paperh16840\pard\sb0\sl-240{\bkmkstart Pg9}{\bkmkend Pg9}\par\pard\qj \li1151\sb0\sl-496\slmult0 \par\pard\qj\li1151\sb0\sl-496\slmult0 \par\pard\qj\li1151\ri923\sb59\sl-496\slmult0\fi0 \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex104 \ul0\nosupersub\cf1\f2\fs28 \u353?e\u263?er", \u269?ujem kako mi drug \u353?apu\u263?e. Saginjemo se i vu\u269?emo kroz rovove prema \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex112 selu. Topovi su poludeli. Gore na bre\u382?uljku tr\u269?e neki sa motkama na ruci. \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex113 Zasu\u353?e ih. Jedan se izvrte. Tr\u269?imo lagano kroz selo. Pred ku\u263?ama stojahu \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex104 prljave \u382?ene i mnogo, mnogo odrpane, prljave dece. Jedno dugo tr\u269?a\u353?e kraj nas \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex105 i molja\u353?e me; ali \u353?ta ne znam Jevrej\u269?e lepo, crnpurasto. Kod poslednjih ku\u263?a u \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex102 jednom \u353?ljivaku treperilo je li\u353?\u263?e na ki\u353?i tanadi. Ulazili smo sve dublje u rovove. \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex108 Sede ranjenici krvavi, prljavi, drhte, hladno im je. Jedan mrtvac potrbu\u353?ke u \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex106 lokvama krvi. Svukli su ga svega golog "Vidite, jesam li Vam kazao. da trbuh \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex109 \u269?uvate", ka\u382?e mi prijatelj. U gudurama sede, le\u382?e, pucaju. Na drugom \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex104 bre\u382?uljku, preko, u magli dima i zemlje, koja se pra\u353?ila i kovitlala vide se ruske \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex104 \u382?ice Iz jedne rupe ironi\u269?no mi vi\u269?e neko maarski i psuje stra\u353?no gadno. Desno \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex110 od nas izlaze, kao mravi, iz rovova rojevi 33-eg puka i jure u groznoj dreci, \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex108 vikanju i jaukanju Provla\u269?imo se melu trnovitim \u382?icama Neko nam nema\u269?ki \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex102 psuje majku i naziva nas psima. Isko\u269?ih. \par\pard\qj \li1151\ri923\sb484\sl-496\slmult0\fi707 \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex107 Sav zrak oko mene drhta\u353?e kao da je bio pun tanadi. Padoh u neku ra\u382?. \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex104 Zemlja se kovitlala i prskala preda mnom u vis. Ja tr\u269?im kao lud. Sjurismo se u \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex107 neke bare. Neko pade kraj mene u glib i ja \u269?uh kako \u353?apu\u263?e: "Eto, to je Zlota \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex102 Lipa." U travi preda mnom le\u382?e neke cokule, desno od mene vidim mrtvace iske \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex104 \u382?ene, sa nogama sme\u353?no zgr\u269?enim i tvrdim, \u269?udno tvrdim kolenima. Gore pred \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex109 nama ska\u269?u grdni Rusi u \u382?utoj mantiji sme\u353?ni su i gojni. Tr\u269?e u \u353?umu. Opet \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex100 legosmo. Levo od nas gorelo je selo stra\u353?nim dimom, koji nije mogao da se digne \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex107 sa zemlje. Tr\u269?imo opet U \u353?umi se grozno klalo. Ba\u353? pred nama Dotr\u269?avali su \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex103 ljudi zadihani, stra\u353?ni ho\u263?e da be\u382?e. Mi se ukopavasmo ba\u353? pred \u353?umom. Le\u382?im \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex109 i di\u353?em, di\u353?em brzo; iz nosa mi lagano curi krv. Pi... u. f\u263?... zastaje tane kraj \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex106 moje glave u zemlji. Sve je tako zamr\u353?eno. Pucaju sa desna i sa leva. Stiskam \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex103 obraz na zemlju i di\u353?em, di\u353?em. Tresem se od tog disanja. Posle se opet dizalo i \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex103 nadiralo u te guste \u353?ume. Ja sam svud spavao, ali zore su me budile. Ali zore, \par\pard\sect\sectd\fs24\paperw11900\paperh16840\pard\sb0\sl-240{\bkmkstart Pg10}{\bkmkend Pg10}\par\pard\qj \li1151\sb0\sl-496\slmult0 \par\pard\qj\li1151\sb0\sl-496\slmult0 \par\pard\qj\li1151\ri923\sb59\sl-496\slmult0\fi0 \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex108 \ul0\nosupersub\cf1\f2\fs28 zore su divne. \u263?ume zlatne, mlade, dobre moje galicijske \u353?ume. Lagano smo \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex111 kroz \u353?ume prilazili Pod kamienu. U rovovima ruskim be\u353?e puno obojaka i \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex105 ko\u353?ulja krvavih, iskrhanih pu\u353?aka, mrtvaca grozan dar-mar. Moji ljudi, koji su \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex107 jo\u353? pre dva-tri dana pevali, le\u382?ali su pred tim rovovima sa razlupanim \u269?elom. \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex110 Ljudi va\u353?ljivi, neumiveni, slabu\u353?ni, \u382?uti, smradni; neki jo\u353? \u382?ivi sa blesavim \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex103 pogledom, izdi\u353?u\u263?i. Jedan meu nama spazio brata gde le\u382?i melu njima, tresnuo \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex103 se i drekao gadno. Bataljon je gazio i trapao sve dalje kroz \u353?ume... \par\pard\qj \li1151\ri923\sb484\sl-497\slmult0\fi707 \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex107 U to doba se igrao tango, a mi, Bana\u263?ani nosili smo svilene \u269?arape. Da, \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex103 nije vi\u353?e a\u269?ki \u382?ivot kao nekada u Hajdelbergu; ne, bilo nas je svakojakih. Dani \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex108 su prolazili. U\u269?io sam. Sedeo sam najvi\u353?e tamo, gde se govorilo o pokretima \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex106 \u269?itavih slojeva bednih i odu\u353?evljenih To sam voleo Tu rumenu krv prosutu po \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex107 ulicama. Sedeli smo ja i nekoliko Poljaka i \u268?ivuta i slu\u353?ali smo istoriju ruske \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex105 du\u353?e; ona je dolazila kao grdna magla sa Istoka i znao sam, da mora do\u263?i neka \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex107 grdna oluja, koja \u263?e razneti taj u\u269?mao \u382?ivot bez sr\u382?i i bez bola. Knjige, \u269?itava \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex111 brda od knjiga le\u382?ala su kojekuda po sobi; napolju je bilo kobno pro le\u263?e o \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex103 kojem jo\u353? niko slutio nije \u353?ta donosi. A mi smo nosili svilene \u269?arape i cele dane \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex103 provodili po ulici i kafanama. Hteli smo da spasemo svet mi, slovenski aci. Ko \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex103 zna? Mo\u382?da \u263?e jednom sve nestati u umetnosti, koja ne\u263?e re\u263?i ni \u353?ta ho\u263?e, ni \u353?ta \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex106 zna\u269?i ono \u353?to ka\u382?e. Mo\u382?da \u263?e nestati govor, i pisanje, i odreivanje; da je ovo \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex108 smrt, a ovo ljubav, a ovo prole\u263?e, a ovo muzika. Ko zna? Ah, se\u263?am se: tada \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex105 sam se u pismima potpisivao "siromah Jorik", a majka mi je po ceo dan i\u353?la po \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex102 kom\u353?ilucima i pitala \u353?ta je to Jorik. E, tako se \u382?ivilo pre rata. Ah, bio sam mlad i \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex102 imao sam tako lepa, vitka, bela krila i ple\u263?a. \par\pard\qj \li1151\sb0\sl-490\slmult0 \par\pard\qj\li1151\ri923\sb19\sl-490\slmult0\fi707 \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex104 Radulovi\u263? mi je doneo dvopeka. Dirali smo neke prljave \u382?ene i kupovali \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex111 smo svud \u269?okolade. Iz Zlogova smo doneli pune torbe jela. Na trgu je bilo \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex103 nekoliko obe\u353?enih Rusina. Na glavnom putu smo dobili tri te\u353?ke granate. Bilo je \par\pard\sect\sectd\fs24\paperw11900\paperh16840\pard\sb0\sl-240{\bkmkstart Pg11}{\bkmkend Pg11}\par\pard\qj \li1151\sb0\sl-496\slmult0 \par\pard\qj\li1151\sb0\sl-496\slmult0 \par\pard\qj\li1151\ri923\sb59\sl-496\slmult0\fi0 \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex104 \ul0\nosupersub\cf1\f2\fs28 ve\u263? dosta mrtvih. Navikli smo se. \u263?ume su bile sve lep\u353?e; zlatne, crvene, mlade \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex103 \u353?ume. Neka tuga mi je bila pala na grudi. No\u263?u su me lomile tihe neke groznice, \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex105 ka\u353?ljucao sam i i\u353?ao poguren dalje. Nisu me vi\u353?e tukli. A \u353?ume crvene, mlade i \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex111 uvele sa toplom, slatkom maglom \u269?uvahu nas, sahranjivahu nas i sipahu tu \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex109 svoju maglu u du\u353?u na\u353?u za navek za ceo \u382?ivot. "Pak, pak" \u269?uju se tanad po \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex105 drve\u263?u. Natakli smo no\u382?eve. Bilo je pred podne. Niko nije imao pojma. gde su \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex103 Rusi i kuda idemo. Gusti\u382? i \u353?iprag nas je izgrebao. Iza\u353?li smo iz \u353?ume; poosmo \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex113 kroz neke strnjike na bre\u382?uljak. Nekolicina nas i\u353?la je pred ostalima. Kad \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex102 izaosmo, pu\u269?e dolina pred nama. Odjednom tresnu i desno i levo oko nas. Zasu \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex105 me zemlja i ja se izvrtoh u neke leje krompira. Zario sam lice u zemlju i disao, \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex107 disao. Stra\u353?no je iza nas kre\u353?tala \u353?uma i tresla se pod pljuskom \u353?rapnela. Kraj \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex103 mene je jaukao jedan i zapevao. Podigoh glavu. Iza uveta mu je bila glava sva u \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex106 krvi, \u382?vakao je krv i gu\u353?io se. Ispravio se i sedeo je, zapevao je i spominjao je \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex107 \u382?enu i decu, zvao me je po imenu i gledao je u mene, samo je u mene gledao. \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex107 Zario sam glavu u zemlju i \u263?utao. Sunce je peklo. Oko mene su tr\u269?ali i vikali. \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex102 Zaspao sam Napadao me je taj san uvek, \u269?im bih legao. Probudio sam se Magla, \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex105 ve\u269?ernja magla padala je opet na nas. Iza \u353?ume projuri\u353?e dva automobila. Tiho \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex110 smo se dizali. Silazili smo jedan po jedan natrag u \u353?umu. A kad pade mrak, \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex102 po\u269?esmo i\u263?i opet kroz \u353?umu. Pu\u353?ilo se i smejalo Moj roj je tiho pevu\u353?io. Bio sam \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex105 i na to navikao Opet smo i\u353?li, i\u353?li. Kraj baterija, koje se name\u353?tale kraj mokrih, \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex113 stra\u353?nih, mra\u269?nih \u353?uma. Tre\u263?i dan je padala ki\u353?a. Ruski rov na bregu, sav \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex102 zakisao, bio je izumro. Mora da su i\u353?li negde nazad u podzemne rovove. \u263?ume se \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex112 pu\u353?ile pune oblaka. Mi smo ve\u263? tre\u263?i dan le\u382?ali u jarku tesno, jedan preko \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex106 drugoga. U najgoroj vatri tu smo se ukopali. Groznice su me tresle Toga dana \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex105 je neki som borski u\u269?a prebegao, pa su me gurali pesnicom u grudi i \u263?u\u353?ili me. \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex106 Mutnim sam o\u269?ima gledao oko sebe, po ceo dan pevu\u353?io i zvi\u382?dukao I opet se \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex109 \u269?ulo kako pri\u269?aju o sve\u269?arima i pe\u269?enju, o tu\u269?ama u birtu, o \u382?enama, i kako \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex104 \u269?itaju San Majke Bo\u382?ije. Tri Slovaka se po ceo dan mu\u269?ila, da na sve\u263?i skuvaju \par\pard\sect\sectd\fs24\paperw11900\paperh16840\pard\sb0\sl-240{\bkmkstart Pg12}{\bkmkend Pg12}\par\pard\qj \li1151\sb0\sl-495\slmult0 \par\pard\qj\li1151\sb0\sl-495\slmult0 \par\pard\qj\li1151\ri923\sb62\sl-495\slmult0\fi0 \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex105 \ul0\nosupersub\cf1\f2\fs28 ne\u353?to. Pokrili smo se gore \u353?atorskim krilima, ali je proki\u353?njavalo, curilo Sedeli \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex110 smo, le\u382?alo se u blatu. Ne, te\u353?ko je bilo i ono vijanje po Sremu i popaljenoj \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex105 Posavini; gadno je bilo i tamo kraj Ra\u269?e u vodi: uvek \u263?u\u353?ke, psovke. ali je ovo \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex102 bilo ludilo u moru blata. Sve mokro, sve ki\u353?a, ku\u263?e neke razru\u353?ene, voda \u353?to smo \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex105 je pili bila je blatna, hleb je bio pun blata. U blatu pred nama le\u382?ao je celu no\u263?, \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex107 tek sad smo ga primetili. Uvuko\u353?e ga u rov. Le\u382?ao je tvrd, prljav, zaudarao je \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex105 sav. U desnom d\u382?epu imao je hleba a u levom trinaest forinata i dvadeset i \u353?est \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex107 krajcara. Trebalo je pisati kartu. Znalo se, otkuda je. Zvao se Lali\u263?. Ve\u263?ina je \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex106 predlagala, da se novac ne predaje oficiru, nego da se zadr\u382?i i popije Ka\u382?u: da \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex106 mo\u382?e, on bi sam to tako naredio, voleo je da \u269?asti. \par\pard\qj \li1151\sb0\sl-496\slmult0 \par\pard\qj\li1151\ri923\sb9\sl-496\slmult0\fi708 \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex106 Posle podne po\u269?e\u353?e opet topovi. U oblacima \u382?ute zemlje i pra\u353?ine, \u353?to je \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex110 prskala u vis nestao je ruski rov. Izaosmo polako iz jarka i po\u269?esmo tr\u269?ati. \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex104 Ve\u263?ina je i\u353?la mirno, lagano, niko nije imao snage vi\u353?e da tr\u269?i. Mirno se i\u353?lo se \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex106 jauk, okolo tre\u353?ti zemlja, prska, po koji se izvrne, dre\u269?i. I\u353?ao sam teturaju\u263?i se \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex104 pod teretom: groznica me je tresla. Ose\u263?am, da kraj mene ide neko. Oboje smo \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex107 bili iznemogli Zemlja je prskala, treskala u vis. Video sam \u382?ute mantije Rusa \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex110 koji su iskakali iz rovova. \u346?ice i zemlja pred njihovim rovom kovitlale se u \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex105 dobovanju topova. Stigoh do \u382?ica. Jedan se prevrte preda mnom, previja\u353?e se i \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex105 skakuta\u353?e. Tane ga je prozujalo od glave do pete. "Hajdete", ka\u382?e Radulovi\u263?i i \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex107 di\u382?e se. Kraj nas tr\u269?e neki. Ja vidim, da mi iz nosa curi krv na grudi. Kraj nas \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex113 tr\u269?e neki dr\u382?e\u263?i a\u353?ove pred \u269?elom. Ska\u269?u u rov, vi\u269?u grozno, idu, urlaju\u263?i \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex104 grozno na no\u382? Nisam legao, i\u353?ao sam lagano Sad \u263?e da me ubiju, sigurno \u263?e me \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex105 jedan od tih velikih, \u382?utih, debelih Rusa, \u353?to kao ludi ska\u269?u preda mnom, ubiti. \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex105 Krv mi sve ja\u269?e loptila iz nosa. Ja legoh. Rezerva se valjala preko mene u rov. \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex103 Svud su le\u382?ali iske\u382?eni ljudi u blatu. Ne znam, \u353?to je svaki ranjenik pola svu\u269?en, \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex107 i tako vi\u269?u, oh, tako izdr\u382?ljivo vi\u269?u. Le\u382?ao sam tako bez snage. Le\u382?ao sam na \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex107 kolima i video sam samo pogurena lea onog, \u353?to je terao i jednako bodrio \par\pard\sect\sectd\fs24\paperw11900\paperh16840\pard\sb0\sl-240{\bkmkstart Pg13}{\bkmkend Pg13}\par\pard\ql \li1151\sb0\sl-322\slmult0 \par\pard\ql\li1151\sb0\sl-322\slmult0 \par\pard\ql\li1151\sb0\sl-322\slmult0 \par\pard\ql\li1151\sb228\sl-322\slmult0 \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex113 \ul0\nosupersub\cf1\f2\fs28 kljusad sa "pr..., pr... \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex113 ." Kola se jedva vukla u blatu. On se \u269?esto okretao i \par\pard\qj \li1151\ri923\sb35\sl-496\slmult0 \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex109 \u382?mirkao ispod \u353?ubare. Jo\u353? je neko le\u382?ao kraj mene. Prolazili smo kraj pustih \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex104 sela. Nekoliko jadnih, grozno sirotih, odrpanih \u268?ivuta Lepe ruske crkve, mokre \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex105 \u353?ume \u353?to se pu\u353?e. Blato, grdno more blata. Psi tr\u269?karaju po selima. Psi i jadne, \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex104 prljave izga\u382?ene \u268?ivutke. Devoj\u269?ice od dvanaest godina, od deset godina, nude \line \up0 \expndtw0\charscalex107 se. Svud kola, jadni konji i beskra