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1 Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.

Never Say Never

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Dana Nixon

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Page 1: Never Say Never

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Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but

anyone can start today and make a new ending.

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Introduction…………………………………………………………..…3

Chapter One...…………………………………………………………..4

Transition ……………….……………………………………………….9

Chapter Two……………………………………………………………10

Transition……………………………………………………………….15

Chapter Three………………………………………………………….16

Transition.........................................................................20

Chapter Four………………………………………………………….21

Conclusion………………………………………………………………26

About the Author……………………………………………………..27

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Throughout life we all go through stages, which could benefit or break

us. It’s what you take out of them that you learn. I have faced many life

elutriating situations, which have made me who I am today. After reading

Easter Rising, I have found comparisons between my life, and the author

Michael Patrick MacDonald. We have not had similar situation, but the ways

in which we chose to deal with are. In this paper I talk about a few of each

of our life situations and how we chose to deal with them. We both have a

difficult task of trying to find out who we are. From family conflicts, to family

tragedies, trying to find our next steps in life. I found it interesting how

different events could lead to the same outcome, completely different

people having the same internal conflicts. You will see how I interpreted his

actions and my own, to make the best outcome for all.

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It was the day before Christmas Eve and I was faced with a dilemma:

where was I going to be spending my night. With my cousins coming in from

out of town for the holidays it seemed easy enough to make the decision to

spend the night with them. Yet, nothing can go as planned. I received an

incoming call from my boyfriend. He explained that his family was throwing

his big brother a huge last minute surprise party and he expected me to be

there. It was going to be an important party and his whole family was going

to be there. It had become a routine for me to attend all his family parties,

so he couldn’t understand why this would be any different. He had already

told everyone that I was attending and because of this and I felt like I now

had an obligation to go. I was very frustrated with the fact that Andrew

hadn’t even asked me, before confirming my attendance at the party. In

contrast to all of the other times I attended Andrew’s family parties I didn’t

want to attend this one. I wanted to say home and enjoy the time I would

spend with my family. So now, I was torn between where to go. I also had to

think about whose feelings I would hurt in the process of making my decision.

Between parties, gift wrapping, and cooking enormous amounts of

food, the holidays can get pretty hectic. I always had a hard time trying to

balance time for everyone as well as finding time to do activities with my

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friends and family. With this being my first Christmas with my boyfriend, it had

become even more difficult. In a way I felt that I should be there to

celebrate his brother’s birthday. But with Christmas being all about family, I

felt that I would be making a bad decision if I decided to go to the party. I

would be missing out on spending time with my out of state relatives whom I

only got to see every once in a while. In the end I decided to stay home

where I end up playing countless games with my family and having an

awesome time. It opened up a new issue in my relationship. It showed me

that, communication is one of the main things in a relationship. I also learned

that everything may not come as easily when you are trying to please so

many people with one decision.

Splitting time between important people in your life can be difficult.

My family is a very important aspect in my life. They are the soul reasons for

all of my decisions. Due to the fact that I am now in college, and my

responsibilities have increased, time management has become very

fundamental to my success. My family has been there for me when I was

feeling stressed out or just needed someone to talk to. They have always

guided me on the correct path, enabling my trust in them. Staying

connected to them is a priority to me because I don’t want to lose the close

relationship we have. A time when I felt closest to them were the weeks

leading up to my home departure into my college arrival. In this time we

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spent just about every minute together. It showed me how much I care for

my parents and how proud of me they were. The drive up here was tough

for me, I was extremely nervous and I couldn’t help but think about how

every possible thing that could go wrong would. It was my first separation

from my family and it is still one of the scariest things I have gone through.

But when we finally got to school my family assured me that I could do this.

This helped calm my nerves and made the transition extremely smooth.

Losing the bond that we have would leave me lost. I always want to spend

time with them, and always make them a priority.

Another important person is my boyfriend Andrew. He is an amazing

guy who makes me feel content with myself. He keeps me grounded when

everything else is going wrong. I love having him in my life and keeping our

relationship strong. Spending time with him is just as important. We have to

have our personal time to keep our relationship healthy. As I need to spend

time with my family to keep our bond strong, I need to spend time with

Andrew to keep our relationship together. Going out for dates is big deal to

me because it is a moment where we just get to hangout and reflect on

ourselves. So balancing him with my parents and other activities is just as

essential to me. Working in time for him means a whole lot more to me than

losing him all together.

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Right now, the most persistent conflict I have in my life is deciding how

and with whom I will spend my time. It is extremely tough for me because I

want to spend time with both my family and Andrew. And when I can do

that in combination it’s usually only for a certain period of time. There comes

a point when you need personal time with each person, and gaining that

time means sacrificing it from someone else. The most difficult time for me to

divide my time is during the holidays. Since both Andrew and my family

mean a great deal to me, I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feeling when making

decisions. Holidays call for spending time with love ones and the joy I get

from spending time with both Andrew and my family make it very hard to

choose. Learning how to balancing my boyfriend and family is still an

ongoing struggle I am trying to deal with.

Overall, being torn between two sets of relationships is a frustrating and

ongoing battle for me. Having a busy, non-stop life is another aspect of

trying to deal with how I spend my time. I feel the best way to deal with my

conflict is to split holidays and time equally. It gives me an easy solution on

how I decide to spend my time without hurting anyone’s feeling. When

Andrew and I fight I know that I can call on my family to help me, and on the

opposite, when my family and I have our arguments I know I can go to

Andrew. I am so thankful for both of them in my life, as they both provide me

with guidance, support and most importantly love.

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My last paper talked all about the consequences of decision making

and figuring out how to differentiate what situations are really worth it.

Having to choose between family and significance others is a tough situation

where you don’t want to disappoint either side, pulling you in opposite

directions. This really describes how MacDonald felt and acted as a teen

growing up in South Boston. Learning how to choose between whom he

wanted to become and who he already was. Finding himself and making

decisions that affected not only him, but his family and friends. I connected

to MacDonald in this way. While I figured out what path was best for me,

you’ll soon learn that even though MacDonald and I were going through the

same types of problems, in the end we decided differently.

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Identity is something that every person in the world has and of course

just like every person in the world is different so is the identity of that person.

Michael MacDonald tries to explain to us the different things he went through

in his life from 1966 when he was born to today. In the book, Easter Rising

there are three main points that I feel make this story important about

understanding his identity. I think the first point was him trying to but never

being able to fit in with Southie. If you’re not able to fit in with the location in

which you live then that will make the way you live your life different. The

next thing I learned was how he became disconnected with his family after

the death of his brother Davey. Finally after all of the change in his life he

decided that he was going to turn the direction of his life. Michael started to

listen to punk rock music and started to create a new image.

Michael talks about living in South Boston and not always feeling like he

fits in with the rest of the people around him. Everyone knew that the

neighborhood he was in was dangerous. Everyone felt that you were

obligated to make friends in your neighborhood, and for that reason it makes

it difficult on him and pressured. “Still everyone in our neighborhood always

said how dangerous it was to leave. It was still the world against Southie and

Southie against the world.” (MacDonald 1) I think this quote means that

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town considered if you were Southie you will only be a Southie. In the book

Michael wanted to venture out of this stereotype, which made him an

outsider. The town that I live in is broken up into three parts: the Center,

Foxon and the beach. Growing up if you lived in a part of town that is where

your primary group of friends comes from because it’s uncommon to meet

people outside your section. As for me I was lucky because I grew up in in

the Center so I made kindergarten friends. But in 7th grade I moved to Foxon

where I meet, who came to my primary friends today. So I was able to make

friends from each side of town. The next thing that Michael did was instead

of going out and making friends he would spend most of his days inside

playing with his brothers. “I’d spend another roasting – hot afternoon on the

kitchen floor with my little brothers…We played with their toy fire engines and

conjured up emergency scenarios that included their WWF action figures.”

(MacDonald 7) In this quote it talks about how he chose to stay with his

brother and not do the typical meet friends and live your life in town. I can

relate this to my life because there are some days where I wouldn’t want to

go hang out with friends, and sometimes just have a relaxed day with my

sister and watch movies.

Being from a family oriented life, makes me appreciate every moment

that I share with someone. Knowing that my family will always be there is a

reassuring factor. If there was a time when I doubt this I don’t know exactly

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how I would react. “On the forty-five minute long journey, I left my fears get

the best of me, though, and imagined that I would never see my family

again.” (MacDonald 3) This quote is showing how much MacDonald loves

his family and doesn’t want to think about what it would be like never seeing

them again. Saying how only a forty five minute ride away was far enough

for his mind to wander. I can relate to this in the sense of going away to

summer camp for the first time and being away from my parents. It was scary

at first knowing that I wasn’t going to be sleeping home for a period of time.

Now in the book I believe there was a turning point for MacDonald. Nobody

takes death in their family well, as shown in the book. MacDonald showed

this in the book when Davey died. Everyone knew he was acting strange but

never thought he would take his own life. “My eyes caught Frankie’s and in

the moment I knew everything has changed. The panicked rumble of feet

up our hallway stirs came close, and the banging of fists on our left no doubt

in my mind. I knew exactly who had jumped.” (Macdonald 9) This quote

meant that MacDonald had a feeling that something bad had happened to

his brother. He was right, as his brother died on the operating table that

night. I can’t really relate to this because I have never felt the pain of having

someone die so gruesomely. But the close’s event that I can relate to this

would be when my mom and sister got into an accident and I knew

something bad happen. I felt so defeated and useless unable to help them!

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Reading the book I also saw that MacDonald had a point where he wants to

forget the bad that’s happen to him. “I wanted Davey to go away – to never

have existed. Everywhere I turned in my family, though there he was. I didn’t

want to see Davey’s suicide anymore in the numb expressions of my brothers

and sisters or in Ma’s defeated slow walk, or even in the partying on the roof-

tops.” (MacDonald 14) This quote really shows where MacDonald began

changing. He didn’t want the memory and pain of his brother anymore; he

wanted to move on, to not be hurt. I can relate to this because when my

grandmother passed away as much as I wanted to remember the good

times, it was harder to think of her as not being around anymore. After I had

time to grieve I was then able to remember her in good thoughts. When I

feel that as the book progresses MacDonald will soon understand and fully

grieve the loss of his brother.

With his changing point came a new attitude, style of music and

untimely trying to create a new identity. Many people gravitate toward

music because it can describe the emotions they feel without them saying it.

“The news talked about Sex Pistols fans spitting on each other, Vomiting,

pissing and strangling each other, all as some sort of dance” (MacDonald 15)

I picked this quote because I think it shows the complete overview of the

hard punk he was getting into. This quote also shows the dramatic change in

MacDonald behavior. I can relate to this quote because I think it is a phase

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in his life, where I had a similar phase. During my junior year in high school I

started going seeing all these small town bands play at local spots. It

became a regular weekend hangout for me, and something that I was

interested in at the time. So maybe throughout the course of this book

Michael MacDonald will change his course path as did I. Another example

of his musical change would be when he tried to change his image to fix his

new lifestyle. “I had chopped my hair into random near-bald spots and spiky

clumps. Id cut it without looking in the mirror, thinking that would be the best

way to avoid a hair “style”.” (MacDonald 19) I feel this quote helps show

how hard he tried to be different from everyone else. He refused to be

known as following someone else’s look. I can’t say I have ever done

something as drastic as a hair style, but there have been times where I would

change clothing store to fit in better with the group I’m hanging out with.

In conclusion, I feel like Michael MacDonald has had a really hard life

and his identity is strongly shown throughout the book. He has three high

points that make me understand it a lot more. The first one was how hard it

was for him to make friends and fit in inside of the community he grew up in.

Followed by the hard time he had with his family and how he just didn’t want

to remember about his brother at one point and his family just couldn’t let it

go so he left. When he left he turned to punk rock and became a

completely different person.

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Just like in transition one, I found a connection we both had the desire

to fit in and find acceptance. Macdonald was suck in a position that he was

starting to go through some really tough times and he started to see what he

could make of himself. He wanted to get away from everything he was

around because he felt like it wasn’t for him. What he decided to do was to

get into punk music and become a completely different person overall. As

for me, the only thing that I wanted was to be able to figure out what I could

also make of myself and if I could open up just enough to fit in to the

surrounding areas. I decided to do something I would have ever thought I

would have done. I let go and allowed others to take control. Not having to

always have a dominate personality.

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I believe that at some point in life everyone faces a moment or

moments were they don’t fit in with something or someone. Many times it

takes a while till you find out where you belong. There was many times in my

life when I tried to make friends with people who just didn’t want to accept

me in. And I just had to move on and find my own friends who like me for me.

The time in my life when I finally felt accepted was 3 years ago. It was my

sophomore year in high school and still getting use to the school year. It was

my first year on the varsity cheerleading team and I didn’t really know any of

the other girls. I was shy and extremely intimidated by them. During the

summer every year each school had to attend a week long cheer camp.

Where you learn new material and sharpen up your moves for the upcoming

season. Being my first season I was nervous for what to expect at camp. I had

to learn all the cheers, dance and jumps. On the last day we have to

perform everything we learned. They give out many award such as best

cheer, best dance, all American, and stunt difficulty. The most popular

award is called the Top Banana. It is the most recognized and sought after

award. This award embodies the ideal cheerleading team. During the whole

week of camp the teams are watched and evaluated on spirit, team

encouragement, appearance and overall appeal.

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Every year that my school participated in cheer camp we have taken home

many awards, just never the Top Banana. On one extremely hot day in July

all of the teams attended the award ceremony, we took home most spirited.

We all held hands as everyone waited anxiously for the Top Banana winner.

Crossing our finger and praying that this was our year. As they announced

that East Haven High School was taking home the Top Banana we all froze. It

was that day that our teams dream finally came true. After all trophies were

given, our team was finally won the top prize the Top Banana. Automatically

we all jumped to our feet in excitement and joy. Our two captains are when

up to grab the banana, they walked back to join our team in a huddle

chanting our schools name. We all took turns passing the banana around

kissing it and wishing for good luck.

It was then that I felt accomplished at something that was so significant to

me and the team. It was in that moment that I truly felt apart of team. I

wasn’t just another person on the team I was a part of the family. To get that

award was the greatest achievement there is, it meant that we were able to

work together and show how great of a squad we really were. From that day

on we all walked, acted and treated each other as one. They bus ride home

was priceless we all were smiling laughing and reminiscing on our favorite

camp memories.

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That year was our greatest season yet our football team won its first game in

over 3 years, and we took home 1st place at SCC’s. To this day I believe that

by winning Top Banana made our team stronger. We all began to think as

one and bounce ideas off of each other rather than argue them. Finding

each other’s strengths and weaknesses improved our team which made our

team as successful as anything. We all became the best of friends. The

amount of team bonding that came that year has yet to compare. From

that season I met a lifelong friend who has stuck by me through high school

till this day. Any years yet to come will ever compare to my sophomore year

on the East Haven High school varsity cheerleading squad.

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In my cheerleading paper I was able to lean on others, and let then

take control. Giving us the ability to be so successful, and gaining myself

acceptance. It also gave me a sense of trust in other people, I never felt. I

also had this feeling of relying on, no one else. I feel so connected; to

MacDonald we both had such dominate personalities and needed to lean

off our self’s to let others in and allow ourselves to trust others. MacDonald

also had the connotation of being independent and never needing other.

He will soon learn what it like to have his life come full circle.

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Identity. Everyone has one, but it takes a while for some to figure out

what the word really means to them. Your identity is made up of many

different parts of your personality. Not one trait can define who you are. In

the book Easter Rising, Michael Patrick MacDonald describes the struggles he

faced through-out his life. One of his biggest challenges was the search for

his identity. After reading Easter Rising, I felt that there were three main

events that impacted MacDonald’s search. The first factor occurred during

his teenage years living in South Boston. The second event occurred when he

took his first trip to Ireland. MacDonald was inspired by Ireland and had a

newfound appreciation for his heritage. The last factor occurred when

McDonald was making his transition into an adult. This is where he finally saw

himself as he wanted to be seen and did not conform to other’s standards.

These three events are turning points in MacDonald’s life, and each give

explanation on how he ended up where he is today.

Being a teenager is a troublesome stage for everyone; some lead and

others follow. However, through time we all discover our own unique way to

live the life we choose. The teenage stage in MacDonald’s life was so

significant to finding his identity because it allowed him to grow up. Having

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always lived in South Boston, MacDonald had to face the challenges of

finding where he belonged. As he grew up he faced many family tragedies

that impacted his decisions. As a teenager Michael had to deal with the

suicidal death of this brother Davey. “My eyes caught Frankie’s and in that

moment I knew everything had changed. The panicked rumble of feet up

our hallway stairs came close, and the banging of fists on our door left no

doubt in my mind. I knew exactly who had jumped” (MacDonald 9) This

quote addresses the moments following Davey’s death, MacDonald’s gut

reaction and the start of his family’s downfall. After his brother’s death,

MacDonald became extremely disconnected from his family, and strayed

toward the punk music scene. In doing so, he wanted to become the exact

opposite of what a typical “southie” boy was like. MacDonald didn’t want

to be a part of any stereotype. By doing so, MacDonald exhibited rebellious

behavior. “I had chopped my hair into random near-bald spots and spikey

clumps. I’d cut it without looking in the mirror, thinking that would be the best

way to avoid a hair “style”.” (MacDonald 19)This quote demonstrates

MacDonald’s great desire to be different from everyone else by changing his

current hairstyle. Not only was he avid about his hair he was also concerned

with making every aspect of his life different; from his music to his clothing.

Being a teen in South Boston was difficult for MacDonald. As much as he

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originally tried to fit in, he eventually learned to stand out and pave his own

ways.

When traveling to another state or country for the first time, it is usually

a memorable experience, just like everyone’s first real adventure. No one will

ever forget their first trip outside of their home town or better yet how it made

them feel. After his return home, McDonald immediately knew that he would

never forget his first trip to Ireland. The people he met and things he

experienced changed his view on Ireland forever. This was the first time that

MacDonald’s had ever truly explored his Irish culture. “Now don’t be talking

to anyone strange on the train to Belfast, my cousin May warned me,

laughing, as if she wanted to scare me about the Catholics and Protestants

at war” (MacDonald 198) I feel this quote is a good example of when

MacDonald was learning about the history of Ireland. Throughout the

duration of MacDonald’s trip he is guided around landmarks and olds historic

monuments telling stories that happen there. Allowing him to experience

hands on history, which made him so more intrigued. “I looked forward to

getting back to Boston just so I could get another restaurant job and repay

Grandpa. I was grateful to him and hated the thought that he might spend

even a week wondering if I’d pay up.” (MacDonald 199) I chose, quote

because I felt it showed MacDonald’s gratitude toward his Grandpa for

lending him the money. Haven taken such a meaning trip and truly enjoying

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himself. This was MacDonald’s only way of expressing himself, repaying his

Grandpa for giving him this opportunity, which he otherwise would not have

been able to afford. Being questioned of repayment was not an option. By

working hard to earn the money in a timely fashion was his only way of

showing his appreciation.

As life progresses we all lose our childish traits and begin maturing,

these are our qualifying characteristics that separate us from others. For

many the turning point is high school and the transition into college,

becoming independent and having to be self-sufficient. For MacDonald he

was still maturing at 32 years of life. “I leaned back in my seat and reminded

myself that we were just two adults taking a trip…and I ought to be able to

travel with my mother without reverting to my teenage persona.”

(MacDonald 202) I picked this quote because it showed how even thought

he was now an adult, his mother could still embarrass him. As he did when he

was a teenager, just lower his head and act as if he did not know her. No

matter how old MacDonald gets he will still have his mother being her typical

self. No matter how old anyone gets, I feel parents will always have that

effect on their children. But also with age you become wiser, able to see

and understand what you never could before. “Ma shook her head in

wonder at how much the world was changing. Imagine Davey and Frankie

and Kevin never lived to see the world come to this.” (MacDonald 207) I feel

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this showing the maturing characteristics in MacDonald. For a long time he

was unable to talk about the deaths of his brothers. As a teenager he would

completely disregard all questions, and avoid the subject at all cost. It made

him extremely uncomfortable to talk about their situation or where they are

now. He couldn’t look beyond that they were just dead. And with Ma he

couldn’t look at her without seeing their deaths in her sorrow. Yet, in this part

of the book we see a change in MacDonald. He has finally come to terms

with their deaths and is emotionally stable to talk and carry on a

conversation with his mother.

After reading Easter Rising and learning all about Michael Patrick

MacDonald’s life I was able to relate to some of his stories and take advise

from his mistakes. I feel the way MacDonald lived his life gave him defining

events that impacted his judgment and decision making. With every step

MacDonald took he made a positive step toward figuring out his life. Putting

his life on track, resulting in him being about to clearly identify where he

should be. Starting from been a teen in “southie” to learning about Ireland,

and lastly MacDonald having his transition into adulthood. Leaving

MacDonald with a greater understanding of who is really was and is.

MacDonald is no longer second guessing himself like in his teenage years.

With age came greater understanding about himself.

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I have enjoyed looking at my essays and seeing the comparisons and

finding the inner meaning behind all of them. With the final essay I feel it ties

MacDonald’s life to closed circle. He was able to overcome his childish

theories and ways of doing things. He because a mature adult and found

the wrongs of his ways. Going to Ireland conclude and closed the gap in his

life he believed he had. I feel I have better sense of who I am also. I have a

better idea of why I make some of the choices that I do. And that sometimes

I don’t have to have such an overpowering attitude. I can depend on

others; I just have to find who worth it in the end. After reading the book I

would of never though I and Macdonald were anything alike, I see it

different now. And more importantly see myslef differently.

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Dana Nixon is a freshman at Nichols College she is studying to be a Business

Communication major. Dana spends most of her spare time relaxing with

friends and family. Dana was born in New Haven, Connecticut, yet she spent

all of her childhood in East Haven, Connecticut. She lived there with her

parents and younger sister. Growing up playing manhunt on summer nights,

and sledding in the winter. She was an active member on the towns

cheerleading team. When entering high school she joined a bunch of clubs

and made many friends, who guided her to where she is today.