The Parent Trap

The ParenT TrapNavigating the First Semester at St. Norbert College

Chris Betcher, Alumni & Parent RelationsCorday Goddard, Student Development

1Rumor Control Chris BetcherAssistant Director for Regional CommunitiesAlumni and Parent Relations

The Truth Is

Corday Goddard, Associate Dean for Student Development

The Parent Trap

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PushMe ........PullYou We will ask you to . . . But also to . . .Let us do our workPartner with usLet students grow upStay involved with themLet us hold students accountable for their choicesTrust that well share with you appropriately, as were able to

5At the end of the day .We all want the same thing for your student:They consistently find themselves in environments where they can be successfulThey learn as much outside the classroom as theyre learning inside the classroomThey learn to see bumps in the road as opportunities to learn and grow

This Morning . . . Car TalkThe First-Year WHelpful vs. HoveringParent QuizSharing Our Stories

7The Hope & Scope of the First Year

Summer Orientation

May 2015Hope & Scope: The W

Late AugustMay 2015Mid-MarchEarly FebruaryMid-October

HELICOPTER PARENTS

10Helicopter, ExplainedTold to Be Involved for 12+ YearsConnected 24/7/365Economic InvestmentHow will SNC treat my child?

Intervening Has WorkedMy parents are my best friendsBoomers, Gen X, & MillenialsOzzy Says

11But Wait, Theres More LawnmowerBulldozerBlackhawkBlue AngelStealthStroller

In-DenialLionOver-InvolvedWolfMosquito

The Happiest Kid on Campus, Cohen, 2010

Lawnmower: Mows down everything in their pathBulldozer: Destroying everything in their pathBlackhawk Parent: armed and readyBlue Angel Parent: zooming in unexpectedly but not hoveringStealth Parent: secretly hovering from a distance without anyone knowing itStroller Parent: Not letting student walk alone, but wanting them to be independentIn-Denial: Not MY perfect angelLion: roaring and tearing everything upOverinvolved: Attending too many campus eventsWolf: Travel in packs, argue in packs, influencing othersMosquito: Poking around on campus

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Hovering? Helping?HOVERING?Minute-by-Minute TextsDecorating Every Inch of Residence Hall RoomAngry Calls to AdministratorsMaking Decisions for ThemHELPFUL?Occasional ContactConversation About Living in the RoomDialogue about Past Success; CoachingMaking Decisions with Them

13 Are YOU a Helicopter Parent?*Answer: IM not . . . But I know someone ELSE who is . . . & its the ROOMMATES PARENTS!

* Adapted from The Fine Art of Letting Go, Newsweek, May 22, 2006

14The Helicopter QuizWill You Be a Helicopter Parent?

151. How often will you communicate with your student?Weekly, at a Designated TimeTwo or Three Times a WeekAt Least DailyDo Facebook Status Updates Every 90 Seconds Count?

2. How Many Professors Do You Plan to Contact on Your Students Behalf?

NoneOne or TwoThreeHow Many Are There?

3. My Student Athlete Isnt Getting Enough Playing Time. I Will . . .

Pat my student on the back for hanging in thereTell my student to talk to the coachNotify ESPNSmear the coach on Twitter (#coachclueless!)

4. Your Student is Having Trouble Writing a Paper, so . . .

You listen and sympathizeYou suggest a visit with the professor and/or Writing CenterYou read whats been written so far and give constructive suggestionsYou download a copy of a similar paper for them to submit as their own

5. When Visiting, How Much Do You Plan to Help?Meet me on the sidewalk! Say Yes to the Mess!You take out the trash & fumigate with FebreezeVacuum, laundry, windows, light paintingFull maid services, mints on the pillow, turn-down service, a soft lullaby, and a good-night kiss

6. Your student hates their roommate. What do you do?Remind them of all the other times theyve successfully solved problems beforeEncourage her/him talk to the RA or Hall Director for coachingStorm the Housing Office to find out what the Senior Director is going to do about thisCall the roommates parents those HELICOPTER PARENTS! and tell them whats what!

7. Your student violates a minor conduct policy. You . . .

Discuss the notion of choices and consequences againShow up at your students room unannouncedDear Editor, St. Norbert Times Call Anderson Cooper asap!

8. On move-in day, I will leave A. One hour before the first scheduled student activityB. Right after I make sure my student gets a healthy dinner in Michels CommonsC. October-ish?D. Theres a really cute little house for sale right next to the Library!

Howd You Do?

All As: Parents Hall of Fame!Mostly As:Honor RollMostly Bs:Youre Doing WellMostly Cs:May be time to re-think your college habitsMostly Ds:Helicopter Parents are People, Too!orCall Corday or Chris or re-read the list:

24Blunders Well-Meaning Parents Make Using the cell phone to provide wake up calls

Asking for copies of syllabi to provide reminders about due dates.

Expecting to hear from their child every day (and calling the college in a panic if they dont.)

The iConnected Parent: Staying Close to Your Kids in College (and Beyond) While Letting Them Grow Up (Free Press), Barbara K. Hofer and Abigail Sullivan Moore

Using the cell phone to provide wake up calls for their kids or to remind them of an upcoming test or paper.Asking for copies of a students syllabuses in order to provide reminders about due dates.Expecting to hear from their child every day. (And calling the college in a panic if they dont.)Using their childs e-mail to register their child for classes and conduct other college business.Editing their childs college papers and assignments by email.Responding to a childs complaint about a professor by contacting the professor.Become overly involved in the ups and downs of a childs social or romantic life.Reading a childs Facebook site constantly and asking personal questions or making judgments about the content.Getting involved in a childs ordinary roommate conflicts by contacting the roommate, the roommates parents, resident adviser, or other college housing official., The iConnected Parent: Staying Close to Your Kids in College (and Beyond) While Letting Them Grow Up (Free Press), Barbara K. Hofer and Abigail Sullivan Moore 25Blunders Well-Meaning Parents Make Responding to a childs complaint about a professor by contacting the professor.

Using their childs e-mail to register their child for classes & other college business.

Editing college papers and assignments by email.

The iConnected Parent: Staying Close to Your Kids in College (and Beyond) While Letting Them Grow Up (Free Press), Barbara K. Hofer and Abigail Sullivan Moore

Blunders Well-Meaning Parents Make Becoming overly involved in the ups and downs of a childs social/romantic life.

Reading a childs Facebook site constantly and asking personal questions.

Getting involved in ordinary roommate conflicts by contacting the roommate, the roommates parents, resident adviser, etc.

The iConnected Parent: Staying Close to Your Kids in College (and Beyond) While Letting Them Grow Up (Free Press), Barbara K. Hofer and Abigail Sullivan Moore

Part 2: Sharing Our StoriesChris BetcherAssistant Director for Regional CommunitiesAlumni & Parent Relations

28Part 3: Making ConnectionsWhat questions do you have?What do you need from us?

29ResourcesCampus Resourceshttp://www.snc.edu/parents/http://www.snc.edu/parents/uknighted/http://www.snc.edu/sncdayhttp://www.snc.edu/msa/http://www.snc.edu/housing/

Other ResourcesThe iConnected Parent: Staying Close to Your Kids in College (and Beyond) While Letting Them Grow Up http://www.nakedroommate.com/profiles/blog/list?tag=parents&user=3p0cszdkljo9fhttp://www.collegeparents.org/college-parent-centralhttp://www2.ed.gov/parents/landing.jhtml

Chris Betcher, Alumni & Parent Relations, 403-3021Corday Goddard, Student Development, 403-1351

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