1

A-Z BloggingChallenge

Special Edition

3

The Woven Tale Press

(c) copyright 2013 by Sandra Tyler

Editor Sandra Tyler

Author of Blue Glass a New York Times Notable Book of the Year and After Lydia published by Harcourt Brace awarded MFA in writing from Columbia University creative writing professor free-lance graphic designer and editor judge of Stony Brook Universi-tyrsquos national annual fiction contest

You can follow her blog at httpwwwawriterweavesatalecom

Editorrsquos Note

The Woven Tale Press is a monthly culling of the creative blogging web ndash

too many well-conceived and artful blog posts are relegated to their archives too soon

Blog posts ephemeral meant to be indelible

This monthrsquos edition is dedicated to the 2013 A-Z April Challenge

the brainchild of blogger Arlee Bird

If you like particular posts click on their URLs to visit the actual blogs

Thank you to all who submitted A-Z postsWith over a 1000 A-Z participants consider this issue a

small but notable representation of blogging creativity and diversityIf you did not make it into this edition consider

submitting to future issues of The Woven Tale Press

To submit a post go to the Submit page athttpwoventalepresscom

3

The Woven Tale Press

(c) copyright 2013 by Sandra Tyler

Editor Sandra Tyler

Author of Blue Glass a New York Times Notable Book of the Year and After Lydia published by Harcourt Brace awarded MFA in writing from Columbia University creative writing professor free-lance graphic designer and editor judge of Stony Brook Universi-tyrsquos national annual fiction contest

You can follow her blog at httpwwwawriterweavesatalecom

Editorrsquos Note

The Woven Tale Press is a monthly culling of the creative blogging web ndash

too many well-conceived and artful blog posts are relegated to their archives too soon

Blog posts ephemeral meant to be indelible

This monthrsquos edition is dedicated to the 2013 A-Z April Challenge

the brainchild of blogger Arlee Bird

If you like particular posts click on their URLs to visit the actual blogs

Thank you to all who submitted A-Z postsWith over a 1000 A-Z participants consider this issue a

small but notable representation of blogging creativity and diversityIf you did not make it into this edition consider

submitting to future issues of The Woven Tale Press

To submit a post go to the Submit page athttpwoventalepresscom

The Woven Tale Press

(c) copyright 2013 by Sandra Tyler

Editor Sandra Tyler

Author of Blue Glass a New York Times Notable Book of the Year and After Lydia published by Harcourt Brace awarded MFA in writing from Columbia University creative writing professor free-lance graphic designer and editor judge of Stony Brook Universi-tyrsquos national annual fiction contest

You can follow her blog at httpwwwawriterweavesatalecom

Editorrsquos Note

The Woven Tale Press is a monthly culling of the creative blogging web ndash

too many well-conceived and artful blog posts are relegated to their archives too soon

Blog posts ephemeral meant to be indelible

This monthrsquos edition is dedicated to the 2013 A-Z April Challenge

the brainchild of blogger Arlee Bird

If you like particular posts click on their URLs to visit the actual blogs

Thank you to all who submitted A-Z postsWith over a 1000 A-Z participants consider this issue a

small but notable representation of blogging creativity and diversityIf you did not make it into this edition consider

submitting to future issues of The Woven Tale Press

To submit a post go to the Submit page athttpwoventalepresscom

Editor Sandra Tyler

Author of Blue Glass a New York Times Notable Book of the Year and After Lydia published by Harcourt Brace awarded MFA in writing from Columbia University creative writing professor free-lance graphic designer and editor judge of Stony Brook Universi-tyrsquos national annual fiction contest

You can follow her blog at httpwwwawriterweavesatalecom

Editorrsquos Note

The Woven Tale Press is a monthly culling of the creative blogging web ndash

too many well-conceived and artful blog posts are relegated to their archives too soon

Blog posts ephemeral meant to be indelible

This monthrsquos edition is dedicated to the 2013 A-Z April Challenge

the brainchild of blogger Arlee Bird

If you like particular posts click on their URLs to visit the actual blogs

Thank you to all who submitted A-Z postsWith over a 1000 A-Z participants consider this issue a

small but notable representation of blogging creativity and diversityIf you did not make it into this edition consider

submitting to future issues of The Woven Tale Press

To submit a post go to the Submit page athttpwoventalepresscom

Editorrsquos Note

The Woven Tale Press is a monthly culling of the creative blogging web ndash

too many well-conceived and artful blog posts are relegated to their archives too soon

Blog posts ephemeral meant to be indelible

This monthrsquos edition is dedicated to the 2013 A-Z April Challenge

the brainchild of blogger Arlee Bird

If you like particular posts click on their URLs to visit the actual blogs

Thank you to all who submitted A-Z postsWith over a 1000 A-Z participants consider this issue a

small but notable representation of blogging creativity and diversityIf you did not make it into this edition consider

submitting to future issues of The Woven Tale Press

To submit a post go to the Submit page athttpwoventalepresscom

It all began with my post from Saturday March 27 2010 when I set forth a challenge to all bloggers for the month of April Can you post every day except Sundays during this month And to up the bar can you blog thematically from A to Z

Most of the time if you subtract Sundays from April you then have 26 days ndash one day for each letter of the alphabet When April 1st lands on a Sunday you begin on that day which will be the only Sunday you would post during that monthrsquos challenge

Using this premise you would begin April 1st with a topic themed on something with the letter A then on April second another topic with the letter B as the theme and so on until you finish on April 30th with the theme based on the letter Z It doesnrsquot even have to be a word ndash it can be a proper noun the letter used as a symbol or the letter itself The theme of the day is the letter scheduled for that day

Most of you are probably familiar with Sue Grafton and her best selling series of de-tective novels known as the ldquoAlphabet Seriesrdquo that started in 1982 with ldquoArdquo Is For Alibi up to her most recent ldquoVrdquo Is For Vengeance She has made a franchise with the series and there have been other authors who have taken similar approaches This Blogging From A to Z Challenge is in the same vein

I was inspired to put forth this challenge after reaching my 200th follower on March 26 2010 and as I neared my 200th post later that week Not one for contests and the like I thought it would be fun and helpful to celebrate with my fellow bloggers in some spe-cial way

We know that blogging can be fun and what fun we can have merrily blogging togeth-er with a common purpose ndash something where we can keep up with each otherrsquos work and share in a common experience

httpwwwa-to-zchallengecom

What is A-ZALL About

ARLEE BIRD

2013 A-Z has come to an end Though next year again Irsquom sure to take my stand Be it the Game of Thrones or the Charlie Chaplin

Some facts about sea link and others about saplingsI entered a whole new world of blogging

New people new views a new phase of mind-boggling

Visited hundreds of blogs while mine I supervisedHopping and brushing tumbling and searching

in the end I needed to improviseTo stop by each one would have been a Ninja act

The blogthe summersall dust and sweat

Over a cup of coffee and a buttered-bread sliceI kept on rolling through blogs like a random dice ndashI laughed out loud others rendered me extra-wise

Some I loved and others I wished to visit twice

A month-long journey and so many new friendsInsanely glad but my postureeha little did it bend

Ainrsquot no category ndash no first second thirdFor this mutual blogger plot

Irsquom grateful to Oh Sir Arlee Bird

(And thank you to the entire A-Z team)

httpjust-a-little-timeblogspotin

1

The scent of decaying pages ndash thousands of legal proceedings long forgotten in bu-reaucratic purgatory ndash was mingled with that of fresh pages spewing from printersThe Federationrsquos Department of Universal Litigation and Lawyers (also known as DULL) had offices on every member planet The office of Dyntaxi Prime dealt with the most grievous of crimes

When Adam Evans a mid-twenties human male was pulled from a relaxing bubble bath and handcuffed he was shocked enough ndash until he arrived at Dyntaxi Prime ldquoYou understand the severity of the chargesrdquo Magistrate Bibble said his eyestalks twirling wildly In fact most people who came before him in his capacity as Federation Magis-trate collapsed from vertigo

The still-naked Adam shrugged as best he could unable to gesticulate very well his hands cuffed behind a metal chair ldquoYes Murder is quite serious Unfortunately only you would be crazy enough to charge me with murder under these circumstancesrdquo

Bibble leveled all three of his red eyestalks at Adam ldquoIt wonrsquot do well to insult the indi-vidual in charge of your faterdquo

Though many in Adamrsquos situation might play nice incredulity wouldnrsquot allow that ldquoShe stole my apple It isnrsquot my fault she took a bite and choked on it You canrsquot blame her death on merdquo

ldquoThe instrument that led to her death came from you Your inability to prevent it from harming others makes you liable due to negligencerdquo Bibble said stoutly ldquoIf it makes you feel better Mr Evans we intend to file charges against Ms Newt as wellrdquo

ldquoBut shersquos deadrdquo

ldquoDeath does not prevent one from being incarcerated Mr Evansrdquo Bibble smiled ldquoIn fact a dead inmate is preferable to a living one The food costs are greatly reducedrdquo

Adam wanted to scream but he fell back instead on sarcasm ldquoWell if you insist on applying the law that way therersquos an Earth creation myth that traces all of human sin to the theft of a single applerdquo

AdAmrsquos Apple And the InfInIte RegRess

httplgkeltnerblogspotcom

2

Bibblersquos eyestalks went haywire ldquoThanks for that information Mr Evans Irsquoll be sure to look into that Maybe I can file some charges in that incident Condemning an entire race warrants the most severe of penaltiesrdquo

All hope dissipated Adam knew he didnrsquot stand a chance ldquoWhatrsquos my punishmentrdquo

ldquoMr Adam Evans you are hereby expelled from existence You may keep your living body but you have no name no identification and no sentient being is allowed to have contact with you under penalty of deathrdquo Bibble aimed all of his eyestalks at Adam and for the first time he actually seemed threatening ldquoHave a nice dayrdquo

Box of tIssues Bottle of WIne And BIRd WIngs

httpamywilloughbyburleblogspotcom

(Excerpt from The Lemonade Year finished novel seeking representation) When someone buys two dozen lemons a box of tissues and a bottle of wine at midnight you have to figure somethingrsquos wrong The wine is for the minute I walk into my apartment the tissues for my fatherrsquos funeral the lemons for losing my job

Irsquom a food stylist and photographer One of those people who artistically arrang-es food and then takes pictures of the best damn cheeseburger or almond-crusted salmon with blanched baby asparagus that ever was Pictures meant to inspire you despite the knowledge that yoursquoll never be able to recreate the dish the way it ap-pears in the book

Itrsquos a ruse

My publishing house has me working on 32 Ways to Make Lemonade but I think my job may be in jeopardy Right now I donrsquot have time to worry about that Itrsquos past mid-night and Irsquom driving home from the grocery store with a bottle of wine strapped down in the passengerrsquos side and standing in the middle of the road is a white owl

All the bird does is swivel its head around like that kid in the Exorcist and stare at me I slow down sure that at any moment the owl will lift off

It doesnrsquot I fish-tail to a halt and the front end of the car passes over the owl Hersquos out of sight

I sit there gripping the wheel Alone on the highway nearly forty years old my mar-

3

ChAos

httpblackinkpadblogspotcom

riage over my long fought-over career slipping through my fingers and my fatherrsquos funeral two days away So far Irsquove been holding it together

But there may be a dead owl on the grill of my car Something about a dead bird with its little hollow bones broken against the front of my car breaks me

If Irsquod just kept driving perhaps the car would have passed over him as he stood there in the middle of the frigginrsquo road Instead I slammed on breaks forcing the front end lower as if I were aiming at him for crying out loud ldquoBitchrdquo I hear him say-ing to me ldquoCanrsquot a bird stand in a street anymore Whatrsquos the world coming tordquo

I get out slamming my door wheel around to the front of my car My headlights are blazing and I expect to find the owl crushed against the grill wings spreadmdashtrying to take off in the last seconds

Therersquos nothing I should be thrilled but panic sets in Where did he go Is he under a tire I kneel down to look under the car

Then whoosh Up from beneath the bumper the owl rises and zigzags off its wings clipping the hood on the way up and off into the black sky A fluttering white speck headed for the safety of the trees

I sit down in the wash of my own headlights and cry

We humans are a silly lot We try so hard to control things that we have no control over We like to be in charge

Then we can become anxious and aggravated Life comes flying at us from all direc-tions and we try to organize it We plan we schedule we make agendas We build houses and garages to keep organized only to reorganize them on a regular basis With our well-manicured lawns and geometrically-skewed gardens we are forcing na-ture to conform to our obsessive need for organzation for control

The thing is the thing we seem to forget is that the axis of life is chaos Itrsquos a messy business wersquove got going here ndash some our fault some not Regardless it just is

4

Somewhere along the way wersquove forgotten how to separate ourselves from the chaos Wersquove forgotten how to just be

A couple of weeks ago I was scrambling to get things done Construction workers across the field were making tremendous noise I wanted to scream Then I had this vision of my life as a hidden objects game I can drive myself insane looking for ob-jects buried in a picture

So I have to remind myself that if I just stop searching so hard sit back and take in the picture as a whole sometimes itrsquos easier to spot those hidden things Irsquom looking for

Chaos You donrsquot have to be part of it Take time to sit back and just be

Original black-ink pad design by the author

5

The fun of miniatures is making things that look real but are much smaller

Therersquos is something amazing about seeing a fancy ballgown or dress in miniature

httpcandidcanineblogspotcom

dResses In mInIAtuRe

Here are some simple sundresses Irsquove made

and I hope to try my hand at some fancier

dresses yet

5

The fun of miniatures is making things that look real but are much smaller

Therersquos is something amazing about seeing a fancy ballgown or dress in miniature

httpcandidcanineblogspotcom

dResses In mInIAtuRe

Here are some simple sundresses Irsquove made

and I hope to try my hand at some fancier

dresses yet

6

eIffel toWeR ReplICA In texAs

httpmentalmosaiccomblog

In the early 90s Babcock amp Wilcox Company built an Eiffel Tower replica in Paris Texas using volunteer parts and labor This metal structure re-placed an earlier wooden version that was destroyed by a tornado

Unlike other Eiffel Tower replicas around the USA the city of Paris chose to add a touch of ldquoyee hawrdquo to their ldquoooh-la-lardquo by topping their tower with a bright-red cowboy hat Looks pretty spiffy

At 65 feet the replica is pretty teeny compared to the original Eiffel Tower in that other Paris It also looks a lot like an oil derrick but hey this fits right in with the Texas side of things

7

foRCed By A to Z ChAllenge mAn loses JoB

New Delhi In a shocking development a seasoned software engineer was handed a termination letter after his boss caught him writing articles during office hours for the third time Akhil Kalsh was immediately relived of his duties after his manager reported the matter to higher authorities

When contacted his colleagues commented on the condition of anonymity ldquoAkhil was always a really creepy guy never talked to anyone and just kept to himself The last few days he barely got up from his desk and kept scribbling furiously in his notepad and on the computer We thought he was going for some exam or something but then the boss caught him a few times writing articles for some dumb challenge Why was he working so hard when there is no prize anyway Stupid two - timing jerkrdquo

Akhil a SQL DBA with around three years of industry experience was devastated by the events ldquoI never thought it would come to this god knows why I took this bloody challenge in the first place I couldnrsquot concentrate at the of-fice was always looking for the next alphabet or some new idea Even when my manager warned me twice I couldnrsquot stop myself from writing one more paragraph you know just a few more words get the load off my head Now Irsquove got the whole day at my disposalrdquo

Meanwhile other bloggers from all over the world have come to his support Alisa a fellow blogger from the US released this statement on her blog ldquoThe dude is practically blind from Keratoconus He wears painful contact lenses just to barely see whatrsquos go-ing on Still he is working in a full-time job and trying to write some articles Give him some break will yourdquo

His fellow blogger Ayush Chauhan was distraught and heart-broken ldquoWe were just get-

http1hwin

8

ting started we were gonna go on our own domain and then start making thousands of dollars online just like the spam comments said Now itrsquos all down the drain That poor bastard is unemployed I guess he feels like a real writer nowrdquo he said taking a long drag on his bong

Inside sources tell us that Akhilrsquos long time girlfriend immediately broke the relationship after the news spread When contacted she said ldquoI canrsquot live my life with Mr Wannabe Shakespeare who dorks around on his laptop all day I need a real man with a real jobrdquo

When asked about his future prospects Akhil replied ldquoNo other company would take me what do I do now I am not a professional writer or I wouldnrsquot be blogging for free would I Should I continue with the challenge I think now I have some material for the word J like ldquoJob Huntrdquo or maybe even W like ldquoWriting can get your firedrdquo or something I gotta write that downrdquo He ran away looking for a piece of paper

Global Street Art is both a gang tagging and graffiti phenomenon that has evolved into an art form There are some amazing and talented people out

there with spray cans of paint

These creations range from 3-D effects on flat walls and streets to utilizing building or wall features to interact with their surroundings

Some of these artworks are still in search of their artists and the Global Street Art web-site has posted numerous pictures of these unclaimed works ndash works from all over the world from the UK to China Spain to Russia Australia to Brazil

gloBAl stReet ARt httpapackalipsnowblogspotcom

9

You can visit httpswwwfacebookcomglobalstreetart for more examples or go to my Global Arts page

All pictures belong to their respective photog-raphers and are found on the Global Street Art Facebook site with locations where the artwork was done

10

hephAIstos httpwriterlysamwordpresscom

440 BCAthens GreeceParthenonMnemosyne

An excerpt from a YA trilogy ldquoThe Essence of Memoryrdquo

I flew back to the Parthenon and perched on the armor-clad form of Athena her mar-ble arms reaching out beyond the imaginary plane of the east pediment

With a birdseye view I spied Daedalus below sculpting feverishly on a figure of Hephaistos the great Olympian God of fire Daedalus is a direct descendent of Hephaistos his daring skills having often been compared to the Smith of the Immortals

Daedalusrsquo creations exhibited such realism they were thought to come alive and flee their stone encasements

I suspected darker talents at work

ldquoOutshine the legend of Athens will herdquo Daedalus spit projecting a barrage of hate-ful words at his masonry companion ldquoI took him in that ungrateful wretch Now Talos is the golden boy ndash the finest craftsman Phidias has ever seen Can you believe it And to think I took the gutter rat under my wing out of pity Would you not avenge me mighty Hephaistos Amend the atrocities Irsquove endured My reputation ruined by my own flesh and blood Irsquod love nothing more than to see his promising career take flight ndash right off the top of this towering templerdquo

Daedalus failed to notice the effect his vehement rantings were having on the sculpted forefather

I watched horrified as the long marble fingers of Hephaistos clenched into a fist

11

My theme for this challenge is fractals fractal art everything fractal up to and including my new book Fractal Dreams

Iterations Basically that means repetitions When the mathematical function is sub-mitted to the fractal generator you can tell it how many times to repeat itself using the previous result as the basis for the next iteration This is in fact what makes a fractal a fractal Depending on where the point stops for each iteration various formsshapes become visible Generally one uses iterations in the thousands to tens of thousands to infinity

Inside as the application makes these iterations each point will be either inside or outside the original fractal shapeThe coloring of a fractal can be based upon whether points are inside (usually black) or outside (many individual colors) The coloring how-ever is totally in the control of the person making the fractal There are numerous for-mulae and gradients that one can use to actually ldquocolorrdquo their fractal

Infinity a fractal can be set for an infinite number of iterations or capped at certain lev-els This choice is directly related to the shape and coloring of its fractal

The fractal for I is ICE QUEEN

ICe Queen

httpbuddhakatwordpresscom

12

JeRsey devIl

httpwriterstevensymesblogspotcom

The Jersey Devil is perhaps one of the best known cryptids in the United States The creature draws in quite a few tourists to New Jerseyrsquos Pine

Barrens as people who are curious about the legend attempt to sneak a peek at it In fact New Jerseyrsquos hock-ey team the New Jersey Devils is even named after the Jersey Devil But what makes this cryptid so fascinating

To start off the creature has been spotted by so many people some of whom were famous in their time Witnesses include Na-poleon Bonapartersquos older brother Joseph Commodore Stephen Decatur and hun-dreds of people throughout the 1800s and into the 20th century

The legend of the creaturersquos origin is in-teresting to say the least The story goes that Mother Leeds was expecting her 13th child and13 being an unlucky number in her mind she said that her last child would be a little devil It was rumored that Mother Leeds was a witch and had slept with the devil which is why when the baby was born it looked nothing like a human

Before anyone could catch it the baby killed the midwife that delivered it and then flew out of the house through the chimney Talk about gratitude

Other people claim the Jersey Devil has been around since well before Mother Leedrsquos time Apparently Native American stories tell of an ancient creature that roams the Pine Barrens calling the place ldquoPopuessingrdquo or ldquoThe Place of the Dragonrdquo Swedish settlers called the creature a river dragon

Exactly what the creature looks like depends on who claims to have seen it it has bat-

Philadelphia Evening Bulletin January 1909

13

like wings cloven hoofs a goat-like head and a forked tail Some witnesses claim it has glowing red eyes Most people have seen it flying through the sky including Com-modore Decaturrsquos men who fired upon it with their artillery but missed The Jersey Devil has even been seen flying over Philadelphia and other large cities in New Jersey Pennsylvania and Delaware

What is the Jersey Devil Thatrsquos the question everyone wants to answer Some people claim it is just a legend that has caused peoplersquos imaginations to run away with them Other people claim it is a misidentified Sandhill Crane which are common in the area Other people think it might be a creature that is leftover from the age of the dinosaurs And then there are those who think it is supernatural perhaps even a real demon or some other vile creature which explains why remains have never been found

Kiwihttpckenney76blogspotcom

There are five species of kiwi bird Brown kiwi (Apteryx mantelli) Rowi (Apteryx rowi) Tokoeka (Apteryx australis) Great spotted kiwi or roroa (Apteryx haastii) and Little spotted kiwi (Apteryx owenii) all five are found only in New Zealand

Kiwi are ground-dwellers and so have very small wings but very strong legs They also have hair-like feathers and no tail Their unique feature is their nostrils at the tip of their beak which they use to search for invertebrates in the soil and leaf litter

Nooot quite

14

Kiwi mate for life and are strongly territorial Females

are larger than males in order to support the

development of their large eggs

A kiwi is about the size of a chicken but it lays a much larger egg Eggs are usually incubated by Dad and hatch after 70-85 days It takes approximately five years for kiwi to reach maturity and they can live from 25-50 years depending on the species

Kiwis are largely endangered The rowi and Haast tokoeka are the most endangered due to their small populations Next highest threatened are the great spotted and brown kiwi The little spotted kiwi is classified as ldquoat risk (recovering)rdquo

Kiwi continue to face risks from habitat loss and invasive predators but the New Zea-land government actively supports their conservation as kiwi is considered a treasure to the entire country

The eggs are up to 13 the size of the female looking something like this (below)

15

lIghtnIng

httpdreamersloversandstarvoyagersblogspotcom

When you live in the country you know to seek cover when a stormapproaches but you also know that lightning can be your friend

When I was a little girl Grandma would warn us about getting caught out in a storm When you have acres to roam and theyrsquore in a big valley you donrsquot always see the storm coming So we learned to be vigilant if we heard thunder we beat feet for the house or the barn whichever was closest

If the barn Stay inside donrsquot peek out because ldquolightning balls roll right off the barn roof onto the groundrdquo Grandma would tell us

There is such a thing as ball lightning Itrsquos rare I think if Grandma saw it even once in her life it would have been enough for her to warn us about it till the cows came home And she did

All that aside have you ever wondered why it is that in spring when the world is still winter-brown that after a good thunderstorm the world turns green overnight It does and is nothing short of stunning The neatest part There is science behind what the old-timers have known through simple observation for centuries

A bag of fertilizer is made up primarily of nitrogen because nitrogen is so very neces-sary for leafy green vegetation So what does this have to do with lightning making the world turn green

Lightning ldquofixesrdquo nitrogen in the soil into a use-able form Your soil could be full of nitrogen but if itrsquos in a form that a plantrsquos roots canrsquot absorb it may as well be tiny plastic balls What happens when lightning strikes is a plant loverrsquos alchemy It turns the nitrogen into a usable form The plant roots gobble it up and it goes to work ndash that fast A lawn can turn green overnight after a spring thunderstorm

Photo of lightning caught with my cellphone

16

mAgellAnIC Clouds

httpmainewordsblogspotcom

Magellanic Clouds are known as the Large and the Small Mag-ellanic Clouds ndash dwarf galax-ies which may be orbiting our own Milky Way There is some thought that both galaxies were once barred spiral galaxies (There are three types of galax-ies two of which have further subdivisions)

source httpwwwflickrcomphotosllacertae

17

Here is another spectacular view of both galaxies (far left) tak-en by ESOrsquos (European Southern Observatoryrsquos) very large

telescope in the Chilean Atacama desert

18

nettIng nARWhAls

httpunsweetenedteawordpresscom

For the longest time I thought narwhals were like unicorns of the sea As in they were fun to think about but actually nonexistent Turns out they really are like the unicorns of the sea only theyrsquore real

Seeing a narwhal then is a possibility but since I donrsquot like cold and have no plans to scubadive in arctic waters and they donrsquot like warm and have no plans to come get drunk with me on my patio the narwhals and I will probably never meet And well uni-corns Virtually impossible

Same thing with my dreams ndash my hopes and desires Theyrsquore all technically possible but the likelihood of my ever actually achieving them is less than that of my children volunteering to scrub the toilet

This doesnrsquot stop me from living my life thinking ldquowhat ifrdquo actively planning fantasies about what would happen if whichever dream Irsquom focused on right now actually did happen ndash a kind of narwhal unicorn

For example I want desperately to buy a fixer-upper house and fix it up then live in it (By the way in my unicorn brain Irsquom Bob Freaking Villa and will intrinsically know how to create tongue-and-groove joints miter cut tile and reinforce joists) Due to my lack of available amounts of cash buying a fixer-upper is not in my immediate future Except I was perusing the real estate section of a very small monthly newsletter to find that three different properties were being sold ldquoas isrdquo to the highest bidder potentially for very little

Obviously my narwhal started swimming around frantically I made my husband (20) drive by the house with the most criteria that met our needs and started talking crazy talk about him submitting a really low bid in hopes we were the only bidders and there-fore ended up buying a house for like $1000

I didnrsquot stop there I mentally gave the house more curb appeal since the front was all Irsquod seen plotted the pretend layout in my head started looking at fabric swatches and color schemes online priced the delivery cost for drywall and researched the tax rates Yeah for real

Did you know that narwhals are hunted by the Inuit people of Canada and Greenland

18

nettIng nARWhAls

httpunsweetenedteawordpresscom

For the longest time I thought narwhals were like unicorns of the sea As in they were fun to think about but actually nonexistent Turns out they really are like the unicorns of the sea only theyrsquore real

Seeing a narwhal then is a possibility but since I donrsquot like cold and have no plans to scubadive in arctic waters and they donrsquot like warm and have no plans to come get drunk with me on my patio the narwhals and I will probably never meet And well uni-corns Virtually impossible

Same thing with my dreams ndash my hopes and desires Theyrsquore all technically possible but the likelihood of my ever actually achieving them is less than that of my children volunteering to scrub the toilet

This doesnrsquot stop me from living my life thinking ldquowhat ifrdquo actively planning fantasies about what would happen if whichever dream Irsquom focused on right now actually did happen ndash a kind of narwhal unicorn

For example I want desperately to buy a fixer-upper house and fix it up then live in it (By the way in my unicorn brain Irsquom Bob Freaking Villa and will intrinsically know how to create tongue-and-groove joints miter cut tile and reinforce joists) Due to my lack of available amounts of cash buying a fixer-upper is not in my immediate future Except I was perusing the real estate section of a very small monthly newsletter to find that three different properties were being sold ldquoas isrdquo to the highest bidder potentially for very little

Obviously my narwhal started swimming around frantically I made my husband (20) drive by the house with the most criteria that met our needs and started talking crazy talk about him submitting a really low bid in hopes we were the only bidders and there-fore ended up buying a house for like $1000

I didnrsquot stop there I mentally gave the house more curb appeal since the front was all Irsquod seen plotted the pretend layout in my head started looking at fabric swatches and color schemes online priced the delivery cost for drywall and researched the tax rates Yeah for real

Did you know that narwhals are hunted by the Inuit people of Canada and Greenland

19

(totally legally so donrsquot send the game wardens north people) Guess who my Inuit hunter is Yeah 20 What with his insistence on keeping our heads out of clouds and spending our ldquoproductiverdquo time actually being productive about things that are actual factors in our lives

I told 20 after he reminded me for the eighteenth time that I wasnrsquot a carpenter that he was a dream killer

He replied that that was the meanest thing Irsquod ever said to him (which if you knew us at all would be saying a lot because Irsquom vicious when Irsquom pouting and I pout whenever my narwhals are netted by the Inuit)hellipand then I felt bad

20 supports my goals He also happens to have a really annoying habit of living in re-ality Irsquom sure he wants all of my dreams to come true even if only so Irsquoll stop nattering on about unicorns Which is problematic for him this reality-dwelling person I share a life with since he doesnrsquot want to crush my soul but also doesnrsquot want me to constantly be disappointed because my Crazy Town-unicorn brain decides to only desire things that are virtually impossible to achieve

This could be why he spends so much time encouraging the more likely of my random and assorted dreams the narwhals versus the unicorns if you will ldquoOh you want to make dining-room chairs a huge project we donrsquot own the tools for and one yoursquove never attempted before Uh sure that sounds reasonable Have at itrdquo

Being a permanent resident of Crazy Town I have no real idea what itrsquos like for some-one like him ndash someone who wants his partner to be happy but who doesnrsquot have the ability to plan life around a bunch of unlikely scenarios His goals are well kind of boring really Who really wants to save up for a crisis a yearrsquos worth of emergencies expenses when they could be counting on the stars aligning and a magical 50 million dollars falling into their laps

I mean letrsquos be serious Narwhals and unicorns are way way more interesting than say bunnies and kittens

A narwhal

20

the BIg o httpjoycelanskyblogspotcom

Letter O is for Orthography For those of you unfamiliar with the word orthography means spelling Itrsquos a big O because to spell incorrectly is to

change meaning if ewe no what eye mean

I may not always know the correct spelling of a word but I can tell when something is wrong For example one of my students wrote a story about a girl in a

satan dress Muah hah hahI envisioned fiery-red flames shooting from

the characterrsquos waist while devowering everyone she ventures into contact

with (dress sketched on my ipad)

The little girlrsquos story involved cute little bunnies hopping around colorful egg-filled baskets Could she have meant satin

The big O also stands for ldquoOh nordquo

Definitely not school appropriate as devil horns protrude from her evil skull

NADA

21

pIeCe of pIe

httpmyriadrainbowhuesblogspotin

Partial Parable Like any sane young girl I was out seeking meaning to my existence Looking for pleasure in awry expanses and off-centered desti-nations but stumbing upon a variety of snags and pits I was wandering

about like a partially written parable seeking completion and a happily ever after

Panoramic Pastures Along came someone who called himself ldquothe devilrdquo He was wandering in some meadows looking for his lost soul We shook hands to see if we could be friends Somehow our hands melted and while watching a sunset together over a meandering river we became one He found his soul and I found mine He was a devil all right because he lifted me up took me and never let me go

Profuse Peaches I was relishing playing a soulmate to someone when suddenly someone bumped me off the high plane and talked me out of my dream He said it was time for me to move on ldquoBut this is just all right ndash it fitsrdquo I said My plea was rejected and I found myself onboard the railroad to matrimony Yes this is how it happened They said we heard and hence However it was not at all as weird as imagined We both blossomed further like peach flowers in Eden

Profitable Proceeds Among the confusions and deliberations of our new life and a whole lot of pestering from the adults in the family I stood my stance as a woman to fulfillment ndash a mother For a long time I was unsure I could bear the re-sponsibility of another living person I struggled to make peace with the decision and finally leapt for it A perfectly pink-and-peach colored princess descended and softly placed her imprints on my lap forever

Piece of Pie Blessed as I was I became a new me too I was given a new start as much as I made a daughter she made me a mother My partial parable was complete Panoramic pastures were green again and peaches appeared everywhere My profits were en-veloping me into an embrace so warm A simple ldquoI love you Mamardquo and I am sold forever Yet this is simply a single piece of the pie Many more pieces to relish And of course A happily ever after

22

httptangentshellblogspotcom

Q is for Quetzalcohuātl(Part of a serial story about a mysterious woman found at the baseof an Aztec pyramid)

Quetzalcohuātl III stared into the mirror bored with his beauty His magnificent feathers were such a pain to maintain and his iridescent scales just didnrsquot have the luster they should If his stupid father hadnrsquot forced him into this lame space expedition he would have never missed the shining season when the second sun would have baked his scales to perfection

ldquoThey will be bowing before you Masterrdquo his advisor Vincent said greasily

ldquoIrsquom bored with bowing and grovelingrdquo Quetzalcohuātl complained pouting

ldquoThe Earth savages will entertain you You shall see If not them then the gold trib-ute will Plus you honor your father in doing your duty on Earth as he did those three-thousand and some Earth years agordquo

ldquoYou and Father only ever care about gold donrsquot yourdquo Quetzalcohuātl petulantly plucked a red feather out of the stripe of purple nearest his scaled belly

ldquoAnd what is it you care about Masterrdquo Vincent asked barely keeping the scorn out of his practiced voice

ldquoLove Vincent Love and doing the right thing Two things that Father wouldnrsquot even know aboutrdquo

Vincent hid his laughter in a feigned regurgitation of the bones from last nightrsquos supper

ldquoOf course My Lordrdquo

ldquoShow me the humans againrdquo Quetzalcohuātl demanded

The technology crew immediately began a replay of Quetzalcohuātl lsquos favorite satellite footage from the tagged Earthlings so far

ldquoThere she is my Francesca Such a caring girl Yes go follow your mysterious Jane Doe Shersquoll lead you right into myhellipoh how I wish I had arms my lovehelliprdquo

23

(AndashZ Penelope adventures) Penelope decided to take the mile-long road to salvation alone

Actually Irsquom joking Shersquos off to the store for snacks And at best the distance from here to there is 34 of a mile D

Road httpwwwlhrichcomtherapyandfunction

24

httpeasdemersblogspotcom

sIRensSirensThe beautiful the terrifying Vicious but seemingly opportunistic creatures who lured sailors to their deaths with their captivating songs Whether the stories of these creatures were the surviving sailorsrsquo at-

tempts at explaining their near-miss shipwrecks or warnings for those leaving to en-sure their fidelity to the women they were leaving behind is

unclear

Considered the daughters of Achelous (river god) and blamed for the death of many sailors si-rens were not however sea dei-ties They have sometimes been called muses of the lower world their sad song causing the bodies and souls of those sailors to fall into fatal lethargy

In early myths a siren was part bird and woman with a large female head body covered in bird feathers as well as scaled feet ndashin later myths a female figure with the legs of a bird but no wings and playing a musical instrument usually a harp

There are a couple of specific myths involving sirens where those fated to die survive One is of Jason in Argonautica Chiron (respected centaur and oracle) divined that Jason would need Orpheus (legendary Greek musician) on his journey When they passed the sirens and the songs commenced Orpheus pulled out his lyre and played a melody that drowned out their song allowing Jason and his argonauts to continue home from their quest for the golden fleece

Odysseusrsquo myth is probably the most well-known especially to any high schooler forced to endure The Odyssey (though I found it much easier to digest than The Iliad)

25

Heeding Circersquos (daughter of the sun god Helios) warning Odysseus had his sailors plug their ears with beeswax ensuring that the sirens would hold no power over their fate Curious however as to the sound of their song Odysseus had his men strap him to the main mast ndash sans protective beeswax ndash and commanded they not untie him no matter how much he begged or ordered them to do so There he remained until their vessel passed out of earshot of the sirens suffering the pull of their song but unable to heed its call

It was said that the sirens were fated to die if someone heard their melodies but they escaped unharmed And when Odysseus passed the sirens purportedly flung them-selves into the water

26

(Part of Chronicles of the Dragon Cave) Hello I am Tassin and I am here to show you our wonderful Thermal Pool where dragons muses and dwarves come to swim and relax

You canrsquot swim today because there are no life-guards ndash we are all off on our minion duty and this is just a recorded message However you may schedule a visit after the challenge If you do so you will also be able to learn a unique sport prac-

ticed at the cave Toss the Dwarf

In the beginning Father Dragon used to toss the dwarves over the treasure but they didnrsquot bounce well Now they are tossed into the pool (Please do not try this with your own dwarvesat home)

The Masterrsquos research proves tossing dwarves is both therapeutic and good for health It reduces stress strengthens muscles and improves oxy-genationThe cave is hosting the first Toss the Dwarf Championship next year The only requirement is for competitors to bring their own dwarves duly approved and certified for tossing

The highest record of Dwarf Tossing in the human category belongs to Sir Jeff Hargett at Strands of Pattern You can see him in picture above during his first training ses-sion

Some say it was Sir Jeff who gave the Master the idea to make a sport of this I am not authorized to deny or confirm that rumor Yet Sir Jeff did send a picture that gave Fa-ther Dragon ldquothatrdquo look on his face when he is up to something

For information on dwarf tossing lessons please call01-800-FATHERDRAGONNEEDSMOREDWARVES Your call is important to us

theRmAl poolAnd tossIng the dWARf

httpfatherdragonblogspotmx

27

usp ndash unIQue sellIng pRoposItIon

httpafshan-shaikblogspotin

My favorite of all USP acronyms is Unique Selling Proposition

The dictionary defines it asThe proposition must be one that the competition either cannot or does not offer It must be uniquemdasheither a uniqueness of the brand or a claim not otherwise made in that particular field of advertisingThe proposition must be so strong that it can move the mass millions ie pull over new customers to your product

USP can be applied to people as well as to ldquobrandsrdquo who can sell themselves by pro-jecting their own unique traitsYou must have faced this question quite often in inter-views ldquoWhat is your USPrdquo Once an interviewer asked me if I did anything different from others during our college farewell party I replied that one of the organizers and I had the idea to gift framed photos of favorite movie actors to the girls and of actress-es to the boys

The interviewer then asked ldquoWas the idea uniquerdquo

I replied that it was

ldquoDid someone implement the same idea beforerdquo

ldquoNoIt was a new idea and our seniors were happyrdquo

The fact was I didnrsquot know whether anyone previously had implemented the same idea or not I did get the job But the interview got me thinking Which is more import-ant Being completely honest about an idea perhaps not having been so unique or faking by projecting it as the most unique idea Many project their ideas as if they are most unique But depending on the circumstances at times perhaps we must fake that uniqueness

The USP gives us an uninterrupted power supply for facing the world for surviving the competitive and even for tackling day-to-day chores my motherrsquos USP is her home-made masalas which help to simplify her cooking For example her rasam powder and khopra (coconut) Mirchi (red chilli powder) and a garam masala paste can be

28

readily used in various cuisines My motherrsquos USP never fails to impress us As well she paints and does sand art

Sand art

One of her nib paintings

Everyone has their own USP Irsquom just still trying to decide what mine may be

As for me I am not very creative beyond decorating my hall with Angry Birds and past pencil sketches Below is one though Irsquom not sure drawing is my USP

29

the vole And the vAmpIRe

httprobztoborblogspotcouk

ldquoVHAT do you VANTrdquo said the VAMPIRE to the VOLE

ldquoWhatrdquo said VICTOR the VOLE

ldquoFor a start off those are not V wordsrdquo said VICTOR

VICTOR the VOLE was very good at words and knew all his VERBS and VOWELS The VAMPIRE was very displeased because he was being criticized by a little VOLE and he shouted ldquoI VILL bite VOU and VURN VOU into a VOMBIE VES a VILE VITTLE VOMBIErdquo

ldquoA VOMBIErdquo said the VOLE ldquoSurely you mean a Zombierdquo

ldquoVOMBIE VOMBIE VATS VHOT I VEDrdquo said the VAMPIRE who was VERY an-gry so angry he bit VICTOR the VOLE on the neck

ldquoI VARNED VOOrdquo said the VAM-PIRE

And VICTOR the VOLE said ldquoI suppose you VINK thatrsquos VUNNYrdquo

And they both laughed hysterically as a cow jumped over the VOON

The VEND

29

the vole And the vAmpIRe

httprobztoborblogspotcouk

ldquoVHAT do you VANTrdquo said the VAMPIRE to the VOLE

ldquoWhatrdquo said VICTOR the VOLE

ldquoFor a start off those are not V wordsrdquo said VICTOR

VICTOR the VOLE was very good at words and knew all his VERBS and VOWELS The VAMPIRE was very displeased because he was being criticized by a little VOLE and he shouted ldquoI VILL bite VOU and VURN VOU into a VOMBIE VES a VILE VITTLE VOMBIErdquo

ldquoA VOMBIErdquo said the VOLE ldquoSurely you mean a Zombierdquo

ldquoVOMBIE VOMBIE VATS VHOT I VEDrdquo said the VAMPIRE who was VERY an-gry so angry he bit VICTOR the VOLE on the neck

ldquoI VARNED VOOrdquo said the VAM-PIRE

And VICTOR the VOLE said ldquoI suppose you VINK thatrsquos VUNNYrdquo

And they both laughed hysterically as a cow jumped over the VOON

The VEND

30

to the WeIRdos

httpsohelpmecatswordpresscom

Dear Weirdos of the World

Keep doing what yoursquore doing Itrsquos freaky and I like it for the most part ndash some of you are absolutely terrifying

Here are a few brief letters to my favorite and least favorite weirdos with whom Irsquove had the pleasuremisfortune of noticinginteracting

Dear Elderly Woman Walking Around Downtown Whispering to a Pet Chicken a Stroller

Itrsquos messed up Itrsquos also kind of cute Yes I like it I donrsquot get it but I like it We all need to love someone and if that someone is a chicken Irsquom still all for it If it were of the Kentucky-fried variety however I would be concerned But this makes me happy There is genu-ine love in your eyes and it moves me a little bit like a really messed-up abstract art installation that I donrsquot understand but really truly appreciate

Dear Man Who Chased me With an Orange Scream-ing ldquoI love you I Donrsquot Have Flowers but Take the Orangerdquo

No No NO I donrsquot want your orange I donrsquot want your love and I REAAAALLLY donrsquot want you running after me down the street

SincerelyNo Way in Hell Irsquom Telling You My Name

Dear Couple at Drugstore Who Asked Me if I Were Interested in Egg Donation

The answer was NO but I still I was touched that you ldquowant your child to look like merdquo Actually thatrsquos very creepy and your approach was not the best but I do think yoursquore quite nice anyways and I wish you two the best of luck Also Irsquom insane hopelessly klutzy and my hair does freaky stuff so maybe you dodged a bullet

31

Dear Gentleman who Came into my Office Once a Week and Could Recite my Last 30 Nail-Polish Colors IN ORDER

What I meanhellipWHAT I mean thankshellipfor noticing I will say that Irsquod feel a bit guilty though if you forgot some actually important things because you used all your brain space to memorize what nail colors Irsquove worn

So I would justhellipyou know take it easy on that if you like

32

xenodoCheIonologyhellip sAy WhAt

Xenodocheionology means you love staying in hotels I suppose this means I am an xenodocheionologist ndash I love staying in hotels

Irsquove been traveling since before I could roll over and my first hotel was in Bermuda when I was only a couple of months old That was back when parents could toss their babies in the overhead compartments while they smoked cigarettes and rang the flight attendants for booze

The couple of years I worked in Florida before moving back to Boston I traveled a lot ndash maybe pre-scheduled meetings in Jacksonville hopping a flight to Miami The security attendants in the Tampa airport actually began to recognize me I always parked my car in approximately the same row in the parking garage

With all this traveling came lots of hotels I became a hotel snob No free bottled wa-ter upon my arrival Shame on you No chocolate-covered strawberries waiting next to the directory You have got to be kidding me

I scooped up all the free products and brought them home I accumulated a big shop-ping-carrier bag full of shampoos and soaps from The W (oh Bliss products) Four Seasons Omni Hotels and so on When I moved back to Boston I dropped all these off at a local womenrsquos shelter I certainly hope they are enjoying the Bliss lotion my favorite

All the hotels also came with some interesting experiences Once after a long ex-hausting day I grabbed my key from the frequent-guests turnstile in the hotel lobby to open my door only to discover someone else already in the room Apparently the hotel had double-booked and it was nothing a quick switcheroo couldnrsquot fix but it certainly woke me up And it definitely made me grateful this person wasnrsquot in a com-promising position

Those days are all gone now that I only have to run to the 7th floor to get a job doneNow staying in hotels is again a special treat instead of a way of life I canrsquot say I miss the constant flights but I do miss having someone make my bed for me every morning

httpanothercleanslatewordpresscom

33

yAReme

httpfrannychallengewordpresscom

Here is another brand new character Yareme is a female animal guardian from Harmony Valley She has a nice quality any busy mum would want

FULL NAME Yareme Squirreltail

DATE OF BIRTH 7th Green of Earth

PLACE OF BIRTH Harmony Valley

FAMILY Mum Dad three sisters one brother and 25 squirrels

FAVOURITE BOOK The Lady who Travelled on the Eagle

FAVOURITE COLOR Green

FAVOURITE FOOD Rose-and-daffodils salad with quail egg

And now letrsquos try to get to know her better with the following questions

Me (Franny) Hello Yareme Welcome to my blog So you have many hobbies or things you like doing am I right

Yareme Oh yeah I love attending Jumping Flowers competitions cooking riding my personal squirrel reading books (I regularly borrow books guardian-size from one of Sunbeam libraries People here think Irsquom a bit weird on this) I mind my nephews and nieces and I work with the best vet of the village to learn the job

Me Wow this is really a lot Where do you find the time to rest And we were saying you have a nice characteristic anybody would want Can you tell us more about that

Yareme Well actually it is pretty tiring indeed and now that I think about that I have loads of things still tohellipah ah achoo

Me Bless you

Yareme Thanks

34

Yareme2 Thanks

Yareme We were saying that my characteristic is ndash

Yareme2 Oh Hi Who are you

Yareme Shush I was talking you go and do something to help in-steadhellipI still have to give food to the sick field mice

Yareme2 All right all right but donrsquot sneeze anymore Irsquom not in the mood for teamwork today

(The second Yareme goes into the next room and at-tends to the sick mice)

Me Ok so this is your char-acteristic then you sneeze and you split Is that right When does it happen

Yareme Well yeah excuse me Yeah I split when Irsquom very anxious or Irsquom under pressure

Me And how many of your doubles can you split into

Yareme Dunno I think the record so far is four I was very busy then like today for example Ahhhh nohellip achoo

Yareme3 Oh no Did you do it again Yareme

Yareme2 Donrsquot start arguing Come and help me here And by the way your record is

35

five

Yareme Oh all right five Yes you go there and help her

Me This is becoming very confusing So when you split are your doubles like you or what

Yareme It depends why I split and what I need most at the moment They can be more and more nervous as we go further or more anxious Sometimes they just have different personalities Once I came out with a boy version of me because I was very stressed by an argument with the vet

Me And are they staying around long How does it work

Yareme No they usually disappear when I relax a bit Eventually Irsquom the original They can only come off me anyway

Yareme3 Oh yeah lucky we are You exploit us and then you relax

Yareme2 Stop moaning will you I need help here

Me Ok thanks Yaremehellip Yareme2 and Yareme3 You really should give nicknames to your doubles Anyway thanks for your time and I hope to see you around soon

Yareme Yeah me too Thanks and goodbye everybody

Yareme2 Byehellipyou savage girl say goodbye

(Yareme3 grunts something)

So folks therersquos Yareme my latest character for you

36

ZAny ZZyZx ZonIng

httpkristenheadblogspotcom

If you happen to live in Southern California and have made the drive to Las Vegas as so many of us SoCalies have done you may have noticed a sign for Zzyzx Road The oddly-named sign appears to lead to nowhere and is surrounded by miles of nothing but desert mountains and the I-15 yoursquoll be driving when spotting the sign So whatrsquos the deal with Zzyzx

Zzyzx is a name that was made up in 1944 by a man named Curtis Howe Springer who claimed that it was the last word in the English language Up until Springer took

Source Christopher Mann McKay on Wikipedia

35

five

Yareme Oh all right five Yes you go there and help her

Me This is becoming very confusing So when you split are your doubles like you or what

Yareme It depends why I split and what I need most at the moment They can be more and more nervous as we go further or more anxious Sometimes they just have different personalities Once I came out with a boy version of me because I was very stressed by an argument with the vet

Me And are they staying around long How does it work

Yareme No they usually disappear when I relax a bit Eventually Irsquom the original They can only come off me anyway

Yareme3 Oh yeah lucky we are You exploit us and then you relax

Yareme2 Stop moaning will you I need help here

Me Ok thanks Yaremehellip Yareme2 and Yareme3 You really should give nicknames to your doubles Anyway thanks for your time and I hope to see you around soon

Yareme Yeah me too Thanks and goodbye everybody

Yareme2 Byehellipyou savage girl say goodbye

(Yareme3 grunts something)

So folks therersquos Yareme my latest character for you

36

ZAny ZZyZx ZonIng

httpkristenheadblogspotcom

If you happen to live in Southern California and have made the drive to Las Vegas as so many of us SoCalies have done you may have noticed a sign for Zzyzx Road The oddly-named sign appears to lead to nowhere and is surrounded by miles of nothing but desert mountains and the I-15 yoursquoll be driving when spotting the sign So whatrsquos the deal with Zzyzx

Zzyzx is a name that was made up in 1944 by a man named Curtis Howe Springer who claimed that it was the last word in the English language Up until Springer took

Source Christopher Mann McKay on Wikipedia

36

ZAny ZZyZx ZonIng

httpkristenheadblogspotcom

If you happen to live in Southern California and have made the drive to Las Vegas as so many of us SoCalies have done you may have noticed a sign for Zzyzx Road The oddly-named sign appears to lead to nowhere and is surrounded by miles of nothing but desert mountains and the I-15 yoursquoll be driving when spotting the sign So whatrsquos the deal with Zzyzx

Zzyzx is a name that was made up in 1944 by a man named Curtis Howe Springer who claimed that it was the last word in the English language Up until Springer took

Source Christopher Mann McKay on Wikipedia

37

ldquopossessionrdquo of the settlement it was known as Camp Soda or Soda Springs It was originally federal land but Springer created the Zzyzx Mineral Springs and Health Spa there after filing mining claims for 12000 acres surrounding the springs Springer then began bottling water from the springs providing drinks for travelers as they made the long drive through the exceedingly hot desert which can reach almost 120 degrees Farenheight (thatrsquos 49C)

He also imported animals from all over the country just to attract more visitors (and their donation money) to his ranch He made claims that ldquohisrdquo water and other tonics could cure people of all their ills

The land was later reclaimed by the government after the US Marshals arrested Springer in 1974 for food-and-drug-law violations and he was evicted from the settle-ment for the misuse of federal land He did not own the land or have the correct per-mits for use of the land under Californiarsquos zoning laws

The government did not change the name back however It officially became Zzyzx California in 1984 and is part of San Bernadino County

Instead of the spa the settlement is now the home of the Desert Studies Center which is a field station of California State University (CSU) Also located at the site is Lake Tu-endae which was an artificial pond used as part of the spa Mudhens and the Mohave tui chub were introduced there possibly after the Mojave River flooded into the pond which now serves as a refuge habitat for the endangered chub

There are miles and miles of hot desert preceding the settlement when driving north on the I-15 but the closest town after passing the sign is Baker California which is about 7 miles farther north The closest large city to the site is Las Vegas which is a good 100 miles after that Zzyzx is truly in the middle of nowhere

ZZZZZZZZZZZZ End

For information about future A-Z Challenges go to httpwwwa-to-zchallengecom

39