What's Holding You Back 30 Days to Having the Courage and Confidence

  • View

  • Download

Embed Size (px)


30 days to confidence


  • Thirty Days Having the Courage and Confidence to Do

    What You Want, Meet Whom You Want to Meet, and Go

    Where You Want

    What's Holding You Back?

    (Sam Horn / St. Martins Griffin/1997/335Pages/$15.95)

    (NBS) () , , , , (Summary) . () ,

    , .

  • - 2 -

    What's Holding You Back?

    Thirty Days Having the Courage and Confidence to Do

    What You Want, Meet Whom You Want to Meet, and Go

    Where You Want

    The Big Idea

    Do you feel awkward walking into a room filled with strangers? Are you uncomfortable

    about going to new places alone? Are you painfully self-conscious and do you wish for

    more confidence? According to bestselling author Sam Horn, people are not born

    confident. Rather, confidence is a skill that anyone can attain. What's Holding You

    Back? is a simple and yet powerful self-help book that teaches readers how to unleash

    their full potential..

    Part 1- Howd I Get So Messed Up, Anyway?

    Day 1: Understanding the Six Cs of Confidence

    The first step that you must undertake to possess confidence is to understand the six

    factors that can create or hinder it. The six factors are:

    1. Communication skills. The strength of your relationships may be directly

    proportional to your ability to communicate with others. If you are unable to say what

    you want or articulate what you feel, this may prove to be a great liability.

    2. Concept. Do you like yourself? If your answer is no, then you are probably not

    self-confident. After all, you are only truly confident when you believe in your


    3. Competence. Being good doing a certain job, sport or talent will give you an

    opportunity to excel and thus, boost your confidence.

    4.Contribution. You want to make a difference in this world. It is just not enough to

    make money and to have fun. You need to matter. You need to know that somehow

    you have made the world a better place.

    5. Control. Take charge of your life. If you are merely forcing yourself to do things

    because you have to, rather than because you want to, you will find it difficult to like

    yourself and the life you live.

    6.Courage. It is normal to feel anxious whenever you take risks. What is important is

    that you must refuse to give in to your fears. Have the courage to do what is right for


    Part 2- Communication: The Keys to Connecting

  • - 3 -

    Day 2: Dont Wait, Initiate

    To attain the right level of self-confidence, you must learn how to communicate

    effectively with other people. Remember that relationship-building is a very important

    skill you must learn.

    Here are some tips you can use:

    *Approach people positively. Always use the Give it a Chance mentality whenever

    you go to parties or gatherings you wish you didnt have to attend; or meet new people

    you are not really interested in.

    *Do not allow fear to stop you from doing what you should be doing.

    *Do not be afraid to take the initiative.

    *Speak Up. Sometimes, you lose the opportunity to meet new people and potential

    friends because you are waiting for them to make the first move.

    Day 3: SMILE to Form Favorable First Impressions

    First impressions matter. In fact, they matter A LOT. Unfortunately, a lot of people

    are uncomfortable at the thought of meeting others for the very first time. There are

    actions you can do, however, that can guarantee a good impression almost


    S = Smile

  • - 4 -

    Have you ever noticed that you often smile back whenever another person smiles at

    you? Consider that the next time you give a speech, a presentation, or even if you are

    just meeting someone for the first time.

    M = Make the Shake

    How important is a handshake? Consider the following:

    1.A handshake eliminates awkwardness.

    2.A handshake connects people.

    3.A handshake with eye-contact shows sincerity.

    4.A handshake forces us to reach out to other people.

    I = Intriguing Introduction

    The next time you introduce yourself, use words that reveal more of yourself to others.

    Remember that if you do not show interest in what you do and who you are, others

    would probably not show interest to you.

    Wouldnt it be more interesting to say, Im a full-time mom instead of Im a


    L = Learn the Name

    Use the following four steps to remember the names of the people youve just met:

    1.Commit. Make a deliberate decision to remember a persons name.

    2. Concentrate. During the first few seconds of initial introduction, ignore other

    distractions and focus your attention on the other person.

    3.Attention on the face. Study the other persons face.

    4.Numerous repetitions. Repeat the name aloud upon introduction and silently repeatit

    to yourself three times or more.

  • - 5 -

    E = Eye Contact

    They say that the eyes are the heart of the soul. Even if you are shy, try to look into

    other peoples eyes to show your sincerity. Your words may become meaningless if

    the other person sees that you avoid eye contact.

    Day 4: Converse with Comfort

    Here are some tips you can utilize in order to become a good conversationalist:

    *Show interest in the person you are conversing with.

    *If you are unsure of what to say, ask the other person a question.

    *Ask open-ended questions that seek to reveal feelings and not just facts.

    *Seek the other persons opinion and listen to advice.

    *Use the words Tell Me

    *Use Cues and Ws.

    -Cues are key words that a person just used. If a person said, I just got back from

    China, China is the key word.

    -Follow-up with the Ws. What did you do in China?; When did you get back from


    *Close conversations courteously.

  • - 6 -

    Day 5: Cure Self-Consciousness

    Sometimes, even if you use the above tips, you cant help but still feel a little

    self-conscious. These will help you lose your shyness and switch consciousness:

    *Use the 4 Ls when you are engaged in a conversation:

    -Look at peoples faces.

    -Lean forward.

    -Lift your eyebrows.

    -Listen with yourhead cocked to one side.

    *Remember that one of the best ways to impress people is by merely listening to them.

    *Be fair and allow other people the opportunity to speak.

    *Orchestrate interesting and useful discussion.

    *Put others at ease.

    Day 6: Go Solo

    There are advantages when you choose to go solo. When you are by yourself, you are

    free to do what you want without having to put other people into consideration. Still,

    going solo is a frightening idea for some. Here are some tips you can useto feel

    confident when you are on your own:

    *Dont allow your fear to stop you from going alone.

    *Once youre there, request or offer assistance.

    *If you are in a party on your own where everyone seems to know each other, use the

    four-step process:

    1.Look for a group that is not gathered in a tight circle.

    2.Walk over to the group and stand an arms distance away. Slightly lean in with your

    head cocked to one side, and follow the conversation with your eyes.

  • - 7 -

    3.If any person in the group looks at you, say the following words: Okay if I listen in?

    4.The group will part and make space for you to join them.

    Do not join the conversation immediately. Listen to what everyone says and throw in

    some conversation pieces once in a while until you gain acceptance.

    Remember that solitude can be a good thing and be content with it.

    Day 7: Make and Keep Friends

    To live a fulfilled live, you need friends and family. Unfortunately, due to chaotic and

    changing environment you live in, it is not surprising that friends are lost along the way.

    It is important that you find time to bring back friends and to make new ones. Rather

    than considering time spent with your friends as time wasted, consider the time you will

    spend with your friends as a brief moment of respite from this crazy world.

    If youre new in town with no friends, seek people with similar interests. Or better yet,

    find other people who are new as well and are going through the same thing. Seek out

    support groups.

    Day 8: Catapult Your Career with SOCIALSAVVY

    Sometimes, even the most hardworking and most talented people get passed over for

    promotions or other forms of recognition at work. You must remember that it not

    enough that we do our jobs. You have to ensure that other people see that you are

    doing your job well. Use these three steps:

    1.Cultivate a Mentor. Find a sponsor. Look for someone you admire who is ahead in

    his or her career. Gain the favor of the person who controls your career.

    2.Become a Visibility Virtuoso. It is not enough that you do your job, you must get the

    people in power to notice you. Grab opportunities where upper management can see

    you in action. Join organizations for bigger visibility in the business community.

  • - 8 -

    3.Be Uncommonly Courteous. Write thank-you cards to people who have contributed

    their time, energy, and thoughts to your cause. Not only will it keep you connected, it

    will give a favourable impression.

    4.Give for the Giving. Give without expecting anything in return.

    Part 3- Concept: Its All in Your Head