English Editing Workshop: Making Good Better :Elsevier ConferenceNovember 2, 2007by Chad Walker ()()

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Writing in GeneralThe Better You Can Write English, the Better You Can Edit It

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WordsCommonly Confused and Misused Words()

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Practice Exercise!Check your knowledge of commonly confused and misused words.

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Articles a/an vs. thea/anthea/an: used when the noun can exist in more than one form or as more than one casea/an:

the: used when no more than one instance exists or is likely to exist in the futurethe:

Experience using and reading them is the key!"A new species of Escherichia was identified.(other species also exist) "The organism responsible for the outbreak was Escherichia coli."

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2. affect/effect (and impact) effect as a noun is the result of some action. ( effect)affect as a verb is to influence. ( affect )

BUT

effect as a verb is to bring about a change. ( effect )affect as a noun is the feeling or emotion caused by somebodys demeanor, action, or speech. (affect )impact should be used only to describe striking of one body against another and should not be used as affect.( impact affect)

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2. affect/effect (and impact)

(influence the recovery in some way)

(produce/cause the recovery)

Luckily, the medicine did not adversely affect the patient. Many scientists believe that global warming is the effect of greenhouse-gas emissions..Ingesting massive doses of ascorbic acid may affect his recovery.Ingesting massive doses of ascorbic acid may effect his recovery.

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3. because/as/since as used only in temporal, not causal, sense. (as )

because used to show causal action. (because )

since used to show temporal relation. (since )

As we were completing the paper, new evidence came to light.Five participants could not complete the follow up questionnaire because they had moved out of the target district."Since we completed the study, there have been 3 additional outbreaks."

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4. because of/due to due to = adjective + preposition, adjectival phrase meaning attributable to or caused by ()

because of = conjunction + preposition, adverbial phrase meaning as a result of or owing to ()

*Tip: Use attributable to and as a result of to determine thecorrect one."The problem was due to mechanical failure."The problem occurred because of mechanical failure.

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5. comparable/similar (and same) comparable: adjective indicating an item lending itself to comparison with a similar term. (, )

similar: adjective indicating likeness ().

Because the methods are different, the statistics are not comparable."The mortality rates in Sweden and Chile are similar."

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5. comparable/similar (and same) *Tip: Same is sometimes mistakenly used when similar is the correct word. Same means exactly the same, or identical, which is not often the case when comparing scientific results, especially when comparing the results of two different studies.

(Same similarSame identical , )

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6. compose/comprise/constitute compose *1) active verb meaning to form, to make up a single object, to go together. ()

*2) passive verb meaning the same as comprise ()

comprise (verb) to include, contain, be made up of ()

constitute means the same as compose. ( constitutecompose. )Fifty states compose the United States of America.The United States of America is composed of 50 states.The United States of America comprises 50 states.

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7. currently/presently/at present (and "now") currently (preferred) and at present mean now. ()

presently means soon, shortly, in the near future. ()

*Tip: Now is often mistakenly used in manuscripts when currently or at present is better. ( currently at presentNow )There are currently no available studies on Han Chinese populations.Presently, we will go to the Forbidden City.

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8. demonstrate/exhibit/reveal/show demonstrate should be used only for deliberate action intended to illustrate an action or procedure ()

exhibit is used for deliberate action to make visible. ()

*NOT used to mean passively carrying something. ( )"The patient exhibited a rash" "The patient had a rash.The technician demonstrated how to operate the pH meter."He exhibited the mineral specimens at the last congress."

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8. demonstrate/exhibit/reveal/show reveal is an action to make visible what has been hidden. It is not a synonym for report. ()

*Tip: Non-living things cannot demonstrate anything; sentences like The data demonstrated that... should be avoided (demonstrate ).The X-ray revealed a tumor in the lower part of the stomach.

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9. significant vs. important/great/major/valuable significant should be used to mean serving as pointing to, especially in the statistical sense of reaching a numeric threshold. ()

*Tip: Use the other words only when statistical significance is not intended. ( )The mean blood pressure was significantly lowered, with a P value of 0.05The results of this research will be of great value to all nanotechnology researchers.

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10. employ/utilize vs. use use: adequate in most cases to mean applying or drawing on for a purpose. ( use: )

employ: can also mean to put a person to work or put an object to use. ( employ: )

*Tip: There is really no reason to use utilize in scientific writing. (utilize) An autorefractor was used to measure refractive error.All of the subjects had been employed at the company since 1997 or earlier.

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5. comparable/similar (and same) *Tip: Same is sometimes mistakenly used when similar is the correct word. Same means exactly the same, or identical, which is not often the case when comparing scientific results, especially when comparing the results of two different studies.

(Same similarSame identical , )

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B. Phrases()Be Concise()

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Practice Exercise!()When writing science, its important to be clear and use as few words as possible.()

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How did you do?)a majority of a number of at a rapid rateas a consequence ofat this point in timebased on the fact thatcompletely filled despite the fact thatdue to the fact thatmostmany, several, somerapidlybecause ofnow, currentlybecausefilledalthoughbecause

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during the course of fewer in number for the purpose of examininghas the capability of in all casesin connection with in the event thatin the near futureIt has been reported by Wangit is often the case thatduring, whilefewerto examinecan, is able toalways, invariablyabout, concerningifsoonWang reportedoften

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it is possible that the cause isit is worth pointing out that it would thus appear that large amounts oflarge in sizelarge numbers of located in, located nearon the basis ofoval in shape, oval-shapedprior to [in time]the cause may benote thatapparentlymuchlargemanyin, nearfrom, by, becauseovalbefore

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C. Sentences ()Short is the Key()

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Shorter Sentences()

The trend in scientific writing is toward shorter sentences with less punctuation.()

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Sentence Structure()

In 1600 the average length of an English sentence was 40 to 60 words.(16004060)

In 1900 the average length was 21 words.(190021)

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Sentence Structure

In 1970 the average length was 17 words.(197017)

Now the average length of an English sentence is 12 to 17 words.(1217)

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Sentence StructureChinese uses long sentences.()

Englishparticularly scientific Englishuses very short sentences.()

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Sentence Structure

Short sentences are the NORM.They dont sound childish.

()

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Exercise: Break down long sentences (1)New descriptors of local environment and atomic state, the X and Y indexes, can accurately reflect electron distribution around atoms in different chemical microenvironments, therefore when these were applied to characterize a local chemical environment and atomic self-state, a satisfactory result was obtained to simulate and predict the 13C chemical shift of 22 natural amino acids and 4 non-natural amino acids.

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Exercise: Break down long sentences (2)New descriptors of local environment and atomic state, the X and Y indexes, can accurately reflect electron distribution around atoms in different chemical microenvironments. When these were applied to characterize a local chemical environment and atomic self-state, a satisfactory result was obtained to simulate and predict the 13C chemical shift of 22 natural amino acids and 4 non-natural amino acids.

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Exercise: Break down long sentences (3)New descriptors of local environment and atomic state, the X and Y indexes, can accurately reflect electron distribution around atoms in different chemical microenvironments. These were applied to characterize a local chemical environment and atomic self-state. A satisfactory result was obtained to simulate and predict the 13C chemical shift of 22 natural amino acids and 4 non-natural amino acids.

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Sentence Structure

Even though the grammar can be similar sometimes, Chinese sentences can be very different from English sentences(/)

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Sentence StructureFor example, Chinese is a head noun language; all modifiers precede the elements that they modify.()

:

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Sentence StructureIn English, some modifiers go in front of the nounand some are placed after the noun.

()

The book that I bought here yesterday.

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Sentence Structure

A modified soils single sorption .

The single sorption of a modified soil .

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Sentence Structure

Correcting sentence structure:()

If possible, dont translate from Chinese.Write in English from the start.()

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Sentence StructureAn important rule:

()

ONE SENTENCE, ONE IDEA

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D. PunctuationHas the Power to Completely Change the Meaning of a Sentence ()

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1. Commas: Be careful about commas with essential and nonessential information

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Ask yourself, Is the information essential or is it extra information that could be omitted?

, ?

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If the information is essential, do NOT use commas.

(,)

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If the information is extra, nonessential, information, you MUST use commas.

()

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Correct: ()

The equipment that we used was made by the XX Company.

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Wrong: ()

The equipment, which we used, was made by the XX Company.

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Correct: ()

The equipment, which was made in Shanghai, was very expensive.

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Basic Rule for Comma Use()Use commas + which for non-essential information.(+which)This review, which can also be found online, covers research that started in 1999.This review that can also be found online covers research that started in 1999.

Use NO commas + that for essential information. (that)The research that I reviewed started in 1999. The research, that I reviewed, started in 1999.

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2. Hyphens, en dash, em dash: Try not to overuse because they can slow down the reader

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Hyphens and DashesHyphen (-): Connector rather than in indicator of interruption or omission. ()well-being, advanced-levelEn dash (): Means through. ()August 2829; pp. 25. Em dash (): Separator to create a strong break in a sentence, like parentheses. ()These two citiesthat is, Beijing and Shanghaiare developing rapidly.

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Practice Exercise 1. The introduction is written on pages 36. 2. The Elsevier conference will be held October 31November 3 in Beijing, China. 3. Mr. Wang had tried asking, begging, and even demanding cooperation from his staffall of whom were busy with other thingsbefore he gave up and wrote the report himself. 4. No onenot even his professorthought that his article would be published in Nature.

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3. Colons, Semicolons ()Colon: for listing and defining, and indicates a stronger pause than a semicolon.() The presentation covered three topics: grammar, punctuation, and format.

Semicolon: for joining two related complete sentences (shows closer relationship than .).() The patient had no prior history of disease; however, he presented with many common symptoms.

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4. Asian Symbols()All Asian, full-space fonts should be changed to Western, half-space fonts for accurate display on other computers and for proper printing.()

The biggest offenders: ()

( ) %

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Practice Exercise

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Spelling()Good online dictionaries to help with spelling:()

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/

American Heritage Dictionary, 4th Ed. http://yahooligans.yahoo.com/reference/dictionary/

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Spellcheckers()

but remember that it wont catch mistakes like from/form, trial/trail

( from/form, trial/trail)

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Stylebooks ()Scientific Style and Format: The CSE Manual for Authors, Editors, and Publishers, 7th edition

American Medical Association Manual of Style: A Guide for Authors and Editors, 9th edition

The Chicago Manual of Style, 15th edition

The ACS Style Guide: A Manual for Authors and Editors, 3rd edition

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Grammar Books ()

The Gregg Reference Manual

The Little, Brown Handbook

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Dictionaries ()The American Heritage Dictionary

Longman Dictionary of American English

Merriam-Websters Collegiate Dictionary

Oxford ESL Dictionary

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Online Resources (): http://liwenbianji.cn/zhushou.htm

http://owl.english.purdue.edu/handouts/grammar/index.html#punctuationhttp://stipo.larc.nasa.gov/sp7084/sp7084cont.htmlhttp://www.iolani.honolulu.hi.us/Keables/KeablesGuide/PartFour/UnnecessaryCommas.htmhttp://englishplus.com/grammar/punccont.htmhttp://yahooligans.yahoo.com/reference/dictionary/http://www.thefreedictionary.com/http://englishplus.com/grammar/mistcont.htm

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II. Journal Specific Topics()Practical Activities for Journal Editors and Publishers()

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A. Instructions for Authors ()Should be:()Easy to findEasy to understandThorough

*Tip: It is also good to complement them with sample articles or pre-made format files for authors to use as reference.()

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B. Structure of Scientific Articles()The IMRAD format was developed to present data in the clearest possible way.(IMRAD )

Introduction ()Methods and Materials ()Results ()And Discussion ()*Tip: If the required article or journal structure is different, this needs to be made clear to the authors.()

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IMRAD Structure (IMRAD)The INTRODUCTION answers the question, What problem was studied?( )The METHODS section answers the question, How was the problem studied?()The RESULTS section answers the question, What were the findings?()The DISCUSSION section answers the question, What do the findings mean ?()

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C. Importance of Abstracts() Let reader decide whether to read further () Is the 1st part to be read, therefore it sets up positive or negative expectations for the remainder of the work() Should encourage readers who decide the topic is relevant to read further() If poorly written, discourages reader from reading further() Should be aimed at both readers who will read the abstract only and those that will read the complete paper.()

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Tips for Writing an Abstract ()Be clear and brief and try to avoid abbreviations.()Describe methods and results in the past tense.()Discuss conclusions in the present tense; avoid perfect tenses.()State document contents in present tense.()The use of I and we is preferable in many journals to the third person and the passive.()Do not use synonyms e.g. if you use housing in one sentence, do not change it to casing in another. The reader may think you are discussing two different things.()The abstract should be understandable when read separately from the paper (i.e., stand-alone)()

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The Code of Writing Scientific Abstracts()Think of each sentence as representing one of the following codes based on its function: ()B = Background information ()P = Principal activity/purpose/scope/aims of study (///)M = Information about methodology ()F = Main findings/results (/)C = Main implications/conclusions of the work (/)S= Suggestions/recommendations (/)

Adapted from Weissburg and Buker (1994)*Tip: B, P, M, F, China Science!

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Exercise: Evaluating Abstracts: BiologyStimulus-induced oscillations in plant cell cytosolic free calcium. Ca2+ is implicated as a second messenger in the response of stomata to a range of stimuli. However, the mechanism by which stimulus-induced increases in guard cell cytosolic free Ca2+ ([Ca2+] are transduced into different physiological responses remains to be explained. Oscillations in [Ca2+] may provide one way in which this can occur. We used photometric and imaging techniques to examine this hypothesis in guard cells of Commelina communis. External Ca2+ ([Ca2+]e), which causes an increase in [Ca2+], was used as a closing stimulus. The total increase in [Ca2+] was directly related to the concentration of [Ca2+]e, both of which correlated closely with the degree of stomatal closure. Increases were oscillatory in nature, with the pattern of the oscillations being dependent on the concentration of [Ca2+]e. At 0.1 mM, [Ca2+]e induced symmetrical oscillations. In contrast, 1.0 mM [Ca2+]e induced asymmetric oscillations. Oscillations were stimulus-dependent and modulated by changing [Ca2+]e. Experiments using Ca2+ channel blockers and Mn2+-quenching studies suggested a role for Ca2+ influx during the oscillatory behavior without excluding the possible involvement of Ca2+ release from intracellular stores. These data suggest a mechanism for encoding the information required to distinguish between a number of different Ca2+-mobilizing stimuli in guard cells, using stimulus-specific patterns of oscillations in [Ca2+].

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Analysis of Abstract - BiologyStimulus-induced oscillations in plant cell cytosolic free calcium. Ca2+ is implicated as a second messenger in the response of stomata to a range of stimuli. [B1-well focused intro to research topic] However, the mechanism by which stimulus-induced increases in guard cell cytosolic free Ca2+ ([Ca2+] are transduced into different physiological responses remains to be explained. [B2-gap in understanding] Oscillations in [Ca2+] may provide one way in which this can occur. [B3-hypothesis] We used photometric and imaging techniques to examine this hypothesis in guard cells of Commelina communis. [P, M1-NB active rather passive]. External Ca2+ ([Ca2+]e), which causes an increase in [Ca2+], was used as a closing stimulus. [M2] The total increase in [Ca2+] was directly related to the concentration of [Ca2+]e, both of which correlated closely with the degree of stomatal closure. [F1] Increases were oscillatory in nature, with the pattern of the oscillations being dependent on the concentration of [Ca2+]e. [F2] At 0.1 mM, [Ca2+]e induced symmetrical oscillations. In contrast, 1.0 mM [Ca2+]e induced asymmetric oscillations. [R3] Oscillations were stimulus-dependent and modulated by changing [Ca2+]e.[R4] Experiments using Ca2+ channel blockers and Mn2+-quenching studies suggested a role for Ca2+ influx during the oscillatory behavior without excluding the possible involvement of Ca2+ release from intracellular stores. [C1] These data suggest a mechanism for encoding the information required to distinguish between a number of different Ca2+-mobilizing stimuli in guard cells, using stimulus-specific patterns of oscillations in [Ca2+]. [C, S-broader/possible focus for further research]

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Case Studies: Problems Specific to International Authors()

In addition to properly formatting their abstracts, international authors must also pay attention to the proper use of English writing conventions and grammar. ()Next we look at some actual case studies taken from edited abstracts.()

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Edited Abstract Sample 1(-1)

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Abstract 1 Common Error Example()

complex adsorbed at the hanging mercury drop electrode (HMDE)

complex adsorbed to a hanging mercury drop electrode (HMDE)

EXPLANATION: first mention()

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Abstract 1 Common Error Example()

linearly with the increment of the concentrations

linearly with increasing concentrations

EXPLANATION: not concise()

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Abstract 1 Common Error Example()not in such as L-dopa, epinephrine ... pyrogallic acid (PA), and gallic acid (GA).

not in such as L-dopa, epinephrine ... pyrogallic acid (PA), or gallic acid (GA).

EXPLANATION: in a list, negative = or, positive = and (or and )

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Edited Abstract Sample 2 (-2)

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Abstract 2 Common Error Example ()investigation of three trimeric aluminum(III)-water species: investigate the three trimeric aluminum(III)-water species:

EXPLANATION: limited/exact number = the; unlimited = not necessary (the)

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Abstract 2 Common Error Example ()

properties of triangular Al3 structure are

the properties of the triangular Al3 structure are

EXPLANATION: 1) with X of X, the is required in most cases. 2) the is used with things already mentioned in the text (Al3 )(1X of X the 2 the Al3)

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Abstract 2 Common Error Example ()according to Core-link model or Cage-like Keggin-Al13 model.

according to the Core-link model or the Cage-like Keggin-Al13 model.

EXPLANATION: use the in front of the names of unique models/methods, etc.(the )

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Edited Abstract Sample 3 (-3)

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Abstract 3 Common Error Example ()

To cope with the situations with time- and space-dependent

To manage situations with time- and space-dependent

EXPLANATION: clear and concise language should be used()

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Abstract 3 Common Error Example ()This approach not only can introduce unsteady and non-uniform body forces into momentum equations, but be able to add

This approach can not only introduce unsteady and non-uniform body forces into momentum equations, but is also able to add

EXPLANATION: Proper grammatical form: not only , but also (not only , but also )

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Abstract 3 Common Error Example ()can be guaranteed in incompressible limit.

can be guaranteed in incompressible limits.

EXPLANATION: articles and nouns must match: in XX limits or in (a) XX limit()

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Edited Abstract Sample 4 (-4)

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Abstract 4 Common Error Example ()

were not influenced obviously.

were not obviously influenced.

EXPLANATION: placing adverbs directly before what they modify is usually clearer for the reader.()

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Abstract 4 Common Error Example ()deteriorated sludge settlability after AND aggravation of sludge settleability under

deteriorated sludge settlability after AND aggravation of sludge settlability under

EXPLANATION: When words can be spelled 2 ways, choose one and be consistent.()

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Abstract 4 Common Error Example ()So TCP is a better uncoupler for sludge reduction

Accordingly, TCP is a better uncoupler for sludge reduction

EXPLANATION: Use language appropriate for formal science writing. Instead of so, use accordingly, thus etc. (so,accordingly thus)

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Edited Abstract Sample 5 (-5)

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Abstract 5 Common Error Example ()As one of popular used geophysical tools, the

As one of the most commonly used geophysical tools, the

EXPLANATION: one of requires the (one of the ); before a verb (used), an adverb must be used. ( one of the used)

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Abstract 5 Common Error Example ()imaging section by the parameter of the secondary differential.

imaging section using the parameter of the secondary differential.

EXPLANATION: use using to show what was used to do something. Also avoid using by using (the extra word is unnecessary)(using by using )

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Abstract 5 Common Error Example ()has more ability to find the most available resolution

can be used to obtain the optimal resolution

EXPLANATION: use proper, scientific verbs and word choice()

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Edited Abstract Sample 6 (-6)

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Abstract 6 Common Error Example ()tests were carried out oxidized sample exceeds 2200 C with a composites were -0.23mg/s

tests were carried outoxidized sample exceeded 2200 C with a composites were -0.23mg/s

EXPLANATION: Matching verb tense()

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Abstract 6 Common Error Example ()No macro-crack and spallation were detected after oxidation

No macro-cracks or spallation were detected after oxidation

EXPLANATION: When used in a negative sense, lists of things are linked by or, not and.(orand)

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Abstract 6 Common Error Example ()scanning electron microscopy Energy Dispersive Spectrometry and X-ray diffraction, and the oxidation

Energy Dispersive Spectrometry (SEM-EDS) and X-ray diffraction (XRD), and the oxidation

EXPLANATION: Common abbreviations can be introduced in the Abstract, and should be if appearing more than once.()

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D. The Editing Process ()Good editing starts with good writing.()Ask the author to write the paper in English and not to translate.()Remind the author to write the paper in short sentences.()

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The Editing ProcessCheck for each category of grammatical mistake separately.()Look at the punctuation.()Check for spelling mistakes. (use Word to help you!)(Word)

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The Editing Process

Do a separate reading to check for use of articles (a/an and the) and nouns (singular/plural; count/noncount).

()

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The Editing Process

Read the paper again for sentence structure. ()

Check the sentence length. Are any of the sentences too long? ()

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The Editing ProcessConstantly check dictionaries, style guides, and grammar books while you edit. ()

Check that all numbers, formulas, figures, and tables are correct.()

Check the references.()

: http://liwenbianji.cn/zhushou.htm

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The Editing ProcessWhy clear English is important:()

If the manuscript is so poorly written that the meaning and significance of the work are obscured, I will reject it without completing the technical review.

()

(Ray A. Dickie, Ford Research Laboratory)

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III. Using Computers and the Internet

()The Internet has Completely Changed the Way We Edit and Publish Science

()

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A. ComputersMicrosoft Word has great editing functions:(Microsoft Word)

Track Changes Function ()Comment Function ()Find Function (to check for consistency) ()Word Count Function (to check sentence length) ()Spell Check Function (but has limitations) ()Dictionary (customizable: See) ()Split Screen Function (to compare two sections of text) ()

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Track Changes Function ()Can be accessed from top Menu Bar or Icon (if showing)

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Accept/Reject your Changes (/)

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Microsoft Word Dictionary Word Microsoft Word has a Custom Dictionary function that is very useful for authors and editors.

( Word )

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B. The Internet1. Search Engines: ()Google: for general Internet searches ()Google Scholar: for searching published research (http://scholar.google.com) ()

*Tip: If you use quotation marks () before a phrase when searching, only results with that exact phrase will be searched.()

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2. Instructions for Authors()Online resources for Author Instructions:()

Elsevier Authors Home:() (http://www.elsevier.com/wps/find/authorshome.authors)

Mulford Library of the Medical University of Ohio: (Mulford ) (http://mulford.meduohio.edu/instr/)

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THANK YOU!

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33818

() : editing@liwenbianji.cn: cwalker@liwenbianji.cn () bshaw@liwenbianji.cn ()33818 : 100005

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Credits/Resources(http://liwenbianji.cn/zhushou.htm)

Abstract Tips () (http://users.tkk.fi/~dpihko/cyberSAC/abtips.htm)

Abstract Writing () (http://lilt.ilstu.edu/ewpeter/GEO361/Scientific%20Abstracts.pdf)

Scientific Writing 2 Robert Blake SLDC () (http://www.lancs.ac.uk/depts/celt/sldc/sciencewriting.htm

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