Assertiveness

Presented by: Disha Thakur

A friend drops in to say hello, but

stays too long, preventing you from finishing an important work project. You would:

a) Let the person stay, then finish your work another time.

b) Tell the person to stop bothering you and to get out.

c) Explain your need to finish your work and request he/she visit another time.

You invite a good friend to your

house for a dinner party, but your friend never arrives and neither calls to cancel nor to apologize. You would:

a) Ignore it, but manage not to show up the next time your friend invites you to a party.

b) Never speak to this person again and end the friendship.

c) Call your friend to find out what happened.

Assertive behaviour promotes a

feeling of personal power and self-confidence.

Becoming assertive empowers individual by promoting self-esteem, without diminishing the esteem of other.

Nursing has determined that assertive behaviour among its practioners is an invaluable component for successful practice.

Assertiveness is a style of behaviour to interact with people while standing up for your rights.

Introduction

Assertive behaviour promotes equality in human relationship, enabling us to act in our own best interests, to stand up for ourselves without undue anxiety, to express honest feeling comfortably, to exercise personal rights without denying the rights of others.

Alberti and Emmons, 2001

Assertiveness is a tool for expressing ourselves confidently and a way of saying yes or no in an appropriate way. It is considered as healthy behaviour for all people against personal powerlessness and results in personal empowerment.

Definition

Assertive behaviour helps us feel good about ourselves and increase our self-esteem. It helps us feel good about other people and increase our ability to develop satisfying relationships with others. This is accomplished out of honesty, directness, respecting one’s own basic rights as well as the rights of other

Assertive communication

Honesty is basic to assertive

behaviour. Assertive honesty is not an outspoken declaration of everything that is on one’s mind. It is instead an accurate representation of feelings, opinions, preferences expressed in a manner that promote self-respect and respect for other.

Direct communication is stating that

what one wants to convey with clarity. Hinting and beating around the bush are indirect communication. The location and timing, as well as manner like tone of voice in which communication is presented, must be correct for the situation.

We create healthy, meaningful relationship.

Our self-esteem was enhanced and we always feel in control.

Our productivity at work and the home increase.

Our emotional and physical health improves.

Assertiveness offers many benefits

There is increase self-respect as well as respect for other.

In expressing ourselves appropriately, we need not hold grudges.

There is less friction

and conflicts.

There is less stress at work

and the home

The aim of assertiveness is to find the

best possible solution for all the people. It is about finding win- win solutions.

Assertiveness sees everyone as equal with equal rights and responsibility.

Assertiveness increases the chances of our needs being met.

Assertiveness allows us to remain in control

Aims of assertiveness

Assertiveness brings greater

self-confidence. Assertiveness lets us have

greater confidence on others. Assertiveness people have

more friends. Reduced stress.

The rights to be treated with respect. The rights to express feelings, opinions

and beliefs. The rights to say no without feeling guilty. The rights to make mistakes and accept

the responsibility for them. The rights to be listened to and taken

seriously.

Basic human rights

The rights to change your mind. The rights to ask for what you want. The rights to put yourself first,

sometimes. The rights to set your own priorities. The rights to refuse justification for

your feeling or behaviour.

Nonassertive

Assertive

Aggressive

Passive- aggressive

Response patterns

Individual who are nonassertive seek to please others at the expence of denying their own basic human rights.

They seldom let their true feelings show and often feel hurt and anxious because they allow others to choose for them.

They seldom achieve their own desired goals.

They uses actions instead of words and hope someone will guess what they want.

Non-assertive behaviour

Their voice are hesitant, weak and

expressed in a monotone. Their eyes are usually downcast. They feel uncomfortable in inter-personal

interaction. All they want is to please and to be liked

by others. Their behaviour helps them avoid

unpleasant situations and harbor confrontations with others.

However they often harbor anger and resentment.

Assertive individuals stand up for their own rights while protecting the rights of others.

Feelings are expressed openly and honestly.

They assume responsibility for their own choices and allow others to choose themselves.

They maintain self-respect and respect for others by treating everyone equally and with human dignity.

Assertive behaviour

Their voices are warm and

expressive and eye contact is intermittent but direct.

These individuals desire to communicate effectively with, and be respected by others.

They are self-confident and pleasurable relationship with others.

“Yes, that was my mistake.”“As I understand your point…”“Let me explain why I disagree with that point.”“Let’s define the issue and then explore some

options to help resolve it.”“Please hear me out and then work with me to

resolve my concern.”

Assertive messages

Individual who are

aggressive defend their own rights by violating the basic rights of others.

Feelings are often expressed dishonestly and inappropriately.

They say what is on their mind, often at the expense of others.

Aggressive behaviour

They express an air of superiority and their voices are loud, demanding, anger or cold, without emotion.

They want to increase their feeling of power by dominating or humiliating others.

Aggressive behaviour hinders interpersonal relationship.

“You must…”“Because I said so.”“You idiot!”“You always…”“You never…”“Who screwed this

up?”

Individuals defend their own rights by expressing resistance to social and occupational.

These individual are manipulative and they undermine others with behaviour that expresses the opposite of what they are feeling.

They allow others to make choices for them, they resist by using passive behaviour such as stubbornness, forgetfulness.

Passive-aggressive behaviour

Non-assertive behaviour I am not ok,you are ok Assertive behaviour I am ok,you are ok Aggresive behaviour I am ok,you are not ok Passive aggressive

behaviour I am not ok,you are not ok

They use action instead of words to convey

the message. They become irritable, argumentative when

asked to do something. They do not want to do.

This behaviour offers a feeling of control and power, individual actually feel resentment and that they are being taken advantage of.

They possess extremely low self-confidence.  

Passive-aggressive messages

“I knew that wouldn’t

work.”“If that’s the way you want

it…”“How could you even think

that?”“ When was the last time

you helped me?”“The problem with Joe is…”

Ask for god’s help: pray to god to guide you through

scripture and his spirit. S- State the problem: think over and state the facts of

the problem. E- Express yourself: state your feeling. Do not judge. R- Request change and feedback: specify one

behaviour change. Then listen to other person’s thoughts and opinions.

T- Talk it out: paraphrase their ideas. Discuss the consequences, consideration and options.

   

Assertiveness model, A-S-E-R-T model

Eye contact Eye contact is considered

appropriate when it is intermittent. Individual feel uncomfortable when someone stares at them continuously. Intermittent eye contact conveys that massage that one is interested in what is being said.

Behavioural component of assertive behaviour

Sitting and leaning slightly towards the other

person in a conversation suggests an active interest in what is being said. Emphasis on an assertive stance can be achieved by standing with an erect posture, squarely facing the other person. A slumped posture always conveys passivity and nonassertiveness

Body posture

The distance between

two persons in an interaction has a strong cultural influence. We are very careful about whom we allow to enter this intimate space. Invasion of this space may be interpreted by someone as very aggressive.

Distance/ physical contact

Nonverbal gesture may be culturally related. Gesturing can add emphasis, warmth, depth, or power to the spoken words.

Gesture

Various facial

expressions convey different messages. Eg. Smile, surprise, anger, fear. It is difficult to fake these messages. It should be congruent to the facial expression.

Facial expression

It conveys a message by its loudness, softness, degree and placement of emphasis and evidence of emotional tone.

Voice

Being able to discuss a subject with easy and with obious knowledge conveys assertiveness and self-confidence.

Fluency

Assertive responses

are most effective when they are spontaneous and immediate. It is never too late to be assertive, it is correct and worthwhile to seek out the individual at a later time and express the assertive response.

Timing

Assertive listening means giving the other individual full attention, by making eye contact, nodding to indicate acceptance of what is being said, and taking time to understand what is being said before giving a response

Listening

Cognitive processes affect

one’s assertive behaviour. Two such process is:

An individual’s attitudes about the appropriateness of assertive behaviour in general.

The appropriateness of assertive behaviour for himself or herself specifically

Thoughts

Many times individuals

do not respond to an unpleasant situation because “I just don’t know what to say”. Emotions are expressed when they are experienced. It is also important to accept the ownership of those emotions and not devalue the worth of another individual to assert oneself.

Content

Ask

Bring energy to the job Get your emotions under control good place to talk if possible

Strategies of improving assertion at work

Effective assertion requires a listener.

ideal time and place to communicate

Identify your personal rights, wants and

needs. Identify how you feel about a particular

situation. Be direct:- deliver your message to the person

for whom it is intended. Own your message:- in describing your

feeling use “I” messages. Use “I” statements to express your feeling instead of evaluating and blaming others.

Techniques for being assertive

Avoid assumptions about others thinking or

feeling about what their motives are, or about how they may react.

Avoid statement that beings with “why” “you”. This may put the other person on defensive that protect from attack.

Ask for feedback:- am I being clear? Asking for feedback encouraging others to correct any misperceptions you may have as well as help other realize that you expressing an opinion, feeling of desire rather than a demand.

Stop apologizing all the

time:- many of us say “ I am sorry” on regular basis without even thinking about it. All though we say it in an effort to be polite, it sounds like you are taking a blame for everything that happens. Don’t say “I am sorry” unless you done something, you truly need to apologize for.

Learn to take a complements:- when

complimented on a job well done, many of us could have responded: oh I didn’t do anything, it was nothing or don’t mention it. It was the team that did all the work. A more appropriate response would be to say “ thanku you”. I had a great team to work with us.

Act confident even if you don’t feel confident

Feel free to say NO,

I don’t know, I don’t understand etc.

Evaluate your expectation. Are they reasonable? Be willing to compromise.

Assertive thinking is sometimes inhibited by repetitive,

negative thoughts of which the mind refuses to let go. Individual with low self worth may be obsessed with thoughts such as “ I know he’d never want to go out with me.” “ I am so ugly”. This type of thinking foster the belief that once individual rights do not deserve the same consideration as those of other, and reflects non assertive communication and behaviour response pattern.

This technique were developed by Joseph Wolpe (1990) and are intended to eliminate intrusive, unwanted thoughts.

Thought- stopping technique

In a practice setting, with eye closed, the

individual concentrate on unwanted recurring thoughts. Once the thought is clearly established in the mind, he or she shouts aloud “STOP”. This action will interrupt the thought, and it is actually removed from ones awareness. The individual then immediately shifts his or her thoughts to one that is considered pleasant and desirable.

Method

Assertiveness is an important issue in

nursing practice. Nursing hospitals involves negotiating complex interpersonal relationship and working in a social and political context with in economic constraints, while balancing a multiplicity of tasks and roles, nurses are busy clinicians who need to have a broad range of clinical knowledge and skills and they are accountable to many people.

Assertiveness and nursing

Nurses has more on their minds than just

helping patients every day they are confronted with challenges such as communication issues, horizontal hostility and high stress levels. Nursing students will need assertiveness and it will be up to the individual to adjust his behaviour in order to obtained a job or promotion, to develop a carrier to increase her confidence.

Maintaining diaries and role playing helps us

to become more assertive. Use diaries to track situations you have encountered where you did not behave assertively. Identify the situation, describe in detail what happened and your level of anxiety during the encounter and identify what you wish had happened.

Use entries in your diary to role playing in

your situations that cause your problems. You can role play with your family and friends and alone. To make exercise effectively, you should choose a situation you may have to deal with.

TOWNSEND MC. PSYCHIATRIC MENTAL

HEALTH NURSING. 5TH ED. NEW DELHI; JAYPEE BROTHER MEDICAL PUBLISHER. 2007.PP- 217-220

BASHEER SP, KHAN SY. TEXT BOOK OF ADVANCED NURSING PRACTICE. 1ST ED. BANGALORE; EMMESS MEDICAL PUBLISHER: 2013. PP -14-16

 

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