Conflict resolution mar2014 cement

LTSemaj Notes 3/24/2014

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Another JobBank Presentation

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We must learn to live together as live together as brothers, or perish together as fools


The Socio‐Biology of COMMUNICATIONThe Socio‐Biology of COMMUNICATION


a huge umbrella that covers and affects all than goes on between human beingsthan goes on between human beings


the single most significant factor that determines the kind of relationships we have and what happens to us



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When we speak our blood pressure goes upWh li i When we are listening attentively in a relaxed manner, blood pressure usually fallsHeart rate slows ‐ below resting level


communicating with others that pull us throughrenewing inner strength l flifting our visionreaffirming the meaning of life


trustworthylikeable eab erepresent warmthrepresent comfort represent safety


We plug into thousands of thousands of preconscious cues


seat of human emotion The brain stem provide immediate instinctual response

Limbic system ‐ the emotional centre



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The cerebral cortexseat of conscious thoughtmemory languagecreativity decision making


the message must first pass must first pass through the First brain


is based on emotional impactwe must be believed to have impactwe must be believed to have impactALL FIRST BRAINLIKABILITY IS THE SHORTEST PATH

TO BELIEVABILITY AND TRUST


expressing yourself clearly through verbal and non‐verbal language;listening so that you understand what others are saying


We spend between 50 and between 50 and 80% of our waking hours communicating


Your #1 skillBELIEVABILITYverbal ‐ 7%vocal ‐ 38%visual ‐ 55%

connects mind to mind



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C t Fi t B i t Fi t B iConnects First Brain to First BrainUse involvement in business/social

5 to 7 seconds of eye contact


you never get a second chance to make a good first impressionthe first 2 seconds programmes the impressionmakes emotional contactclothes as costume


in first impressions posture tells more than clothesyou feel taller and more powerfulyou look more confidenteye communication is easieryour movement gives visual variety to the eye of the audience


reveal our inner statepropel our message with energy and emotional forcefind your nervous gesture and stop itpractice your gestures


people view smiling faces as open and friendlyand friendlysmile relaxes and resets the brainphoney smiles don’t work


you can express your thoughts fullysmile and the world smiles with youyyou release your natural energyimportant points are easily expressedA smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks (Charles Gordy)



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powerful oral traditionthe preacher politician DJthe preacher, politician, DJyou talk to more people than you write to


(as on the phone)the intonation and resonanceauditory deliverycount for 84% of your emotional impact and believability


you are more effective on the phoneyou can transmit more energy and information

tt ti t th you are attractive to the earyou are first brain friendly


Customers calling on the telephone form an opinion about us within 4 to 6 secondsNancy Friedman The Telephone “Doctor”


Another

JobBank Presentation


There can’t be

collaboration and

support without

communication among

the people in a group



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The way people communicate with one another‐in both words and nonverbal clues‐clues▪ Reflects how they feel about working with one another▪ Builds (or detracts from) the team's effectiveness


Forming

Storming

TransformingNorming

Performing



The start‐up stagePurpose and expectation unclear


Acceptable behaviorThe nature of their taskHow the group will get its work done They want to be told what to do Interactions are superficial Tend to be directed to the formal leader


This stage is characterized by conflict and resistance to the group’s task and to the group s task and structureTeam members express concerns and frustrationsFreely exchange ideas and opinions



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Team is learning to deal with

A team that doesn’t get through this

differences in order to work together to meet its goals

g gstage successfully is usually more divided and less creative


Differences are aired and resolvedresolvedDisruptive elements converted or removed


A sense of group cohesion develops in this stage


Members accept the team and develop norms for resolving conflict, making decisions, and completing assignments

b j i d f lMembers enjoy meetings and freely exchange informationShared leadership emergesRisk of stagnating into groupthink


Now team work really beginThis is the payoff stage


Team has structure and purposeReady to tackle task Members take initiativeMembers take initiativeProblem‐solving and decision‐making procedures emphasize results



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It receives recognition from other parts of the organizationgComplacency is a risk May show up in missed deadlines or a lack of creative sparkThe bad habits of earlier stages may reappear


Gives clear messagesConducive to people working productively and harmoniouslyproductively and harmoniouslyWithout misunderstanding and misinterpretation


As people on the team learn to take other members at face valuevaluethey build trust and credibility


1. What you see is what is therewhat is there2. What you hear is what is meant


Aggressiveness

Assertiveness

Responsiveness

Non-assertiveness


One of the most helpful forms of communication training developed in recent yearsMany people have gone through assertiveness trainingHelp them to identify their needs and wants and communicate them in a manner that others find acceptable



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Generally clarifies the meaning of people's statement people s statement


Avoids common communication pitfalls that arouse pitfalls that arouse ▪ Resentment▪ Hurt▪ Defensiveness


Assertiveness can become tool for ▪Negotiation▪Problem solving▪Conflict resolution


The optimum method of communicating A k l d th i ht d f li fAcknowledges the rights and feelings of each person in a transactionCreates a dialogue in which each person feels comfortable expressing feelings about what is going on


Recognises that each person has needs, wants, and resources , ,Can be used to find an outcome that is acceptable to everyone


The assertive person:

Gives information-

The responsive person:

Seeks information-Invites the other person to

Describes the situation as he or she views it

Expresses feelings-Relates how he or she feels about

Invites the other person to describe the situation as he or she sees it

Seeks to know how others feel about the situation, accepts persons without necessarily agreeing



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Seeks change in others

Describes behaviour

Seeks change in self-

A t hDescribes behaviour that one would rather see in the other

Defines benefits of the change that will accrue to the other person as a result of the change

Agrees to change own behaviour when it has not been helpful or effective

Defines benefits of the change for self


AggressivenessTotally you, excluding others

AssertivenessPrimarily you, secondarily othersothers

Disregards the rights and dignity of others Aggressive statementsput down, embarrass, and humiliate

Expression of your needs and wants in a manner acceptable to others Can convey unpleasant information in a non-abrasive manner


Primarily others, secondarily you

Recognizes that others

Totally others, excluding you

Non‐assertiveness is bdi ti f Recognizes that others

bring strengths, resources, and differing perceptions to a situation

abdication of responsibility and a surrender of rights


Seeks to enlist those qualities in

Practically invites other q

meeting joint concerns or solving problems

people to disregard or take advantage of the non‐assertive person


Listening so that you understand what others

are saying


At least 45% of that time is spent listening



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1ST‐ LISTENING

2ND ‐ SPEAKING

3RD ‐ READING

4TH ‐WRITING


FREQUENCY OF USEMOST(50%) ‐ LISTENINGNEXT(35%) ‐ SPEAKING(35 )

THEN(10%) ‐ READINGLEAST(5%) ‐ WRITING

HOW TAUGHTLEAST ‐ LISTENING

NEXT ‐ SPEAKINGTHEN ‐ READINGMOST ‐ WRITING


1. ASSIMILATION:Absorbing all the information around youg y

2. RECOGNITION: Decoding the information

3. COMPREHENSION:Accurately interpret the data


4. UNDERSTANDING:Linking information to already stored data

5 RETENTION5. RETENTION:Storing the information

6. RECALL:Getting retained information out of storage

7. COMMUNICATION/USE:Using the information you have heard


1. MAINTAIN GENERAL PHYSICAL

HEALTH

2. KEEP YOU EARS CLEAN AND

HEALTHY

3. TRAIN YOUR EARS 4. LISTEN OPPORTUNISTICALLY5. CHALLENGE YOUR BRAIN


6.LISTEN LONGER 7. LISTEN OPTIMISTICALLY 8 CONSCIOUSLY WORK AT LISTENING8. CONSCIOUSLY WORK AT LISTENING9. BLEND ALL YOUR SENSES

10. MAINTAIN AN OPEN MIND

11. USE BRAINSPEED



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12. JUDGE CONTENT, NOT DELIVERYNOT DELIVERY

13. LISTEN FOR IDEAS14. TAKE MIND‐MAP NOTES 15. DISREGARD DISTRACTIONS16. TAKE BREAKS


17. USE YOUR IMAGINATION 18. LISTEN WITH ACTIVE POISE 19. YOU CAN ALWAYS IMPROVE20. PRACTICE SPEAKING21. PARAPHRASE 22. CLARIFYING AND FEEDBACK


First Brain FriendlyIf people like you they will hear and believe you

Dress & AppearanceEye, VisualV i V l S dVoice, Vocal, SoundPosture promote interactionHumour feedback, reinforcementListening


SUPPORTINGGATEKEEPING

CONFRONTINGMEDIATING

HARMONIZINGPROCESSOBSERVING

MEDIATINGSUMMARIZING


Contribute to reaching the current current objective set by the group

The ongoing improvement i h ’ in the team’s long‐term operation


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SUPPORTINGGATEKEEPING

CONFRONTINGMEDIATINGGATEKEEPING

HARMONIZINGPROCESSOBSERVING

MEDIATINGSUMMARIZING

Support and encouragement of another member result in more and better contributions and better contributions member realizes contribution will be accepted and considerednot put down or discounted.

There are times when a person’s behaviour is behaviour is detrimental to the success of the team as it works towards its goals

The “offender” may try to keep others from offering their ideasMay publicly make fun of the y p ycontributionsMay say unkind words about another person that has nothing to do with the inherent value of his or her contribution

Confronting is a constructive role when it is confined to people’s behaviourWhen one member confronts another’s When one member confronts another s personality, or presumed attitudes or motives, the result is usually disruption of the group’s work and resentment in the person who is being confronted

When the gate seems closed to some contributors, a team member performs as gatekeeper:S b f t l ti Some members of a team are less assertive and others are far more soSome opinions from the somewhat retiring people get ignoredThey may not even be expressed


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Groups can get quite stuck during a debateduring a debateMediating can break the stall and push the discussion forward

During a heavy debate-style disagreement, the disputants can become so involved in scoring points f h l h h f il for themselves that they fail to realize their agreement on certain pointsSummarizing the various views can show how close they actually are

Other members of the team are invited to help the debaters build pon the areas of agreement that they have not listened to during the intense discussion

At times members of the group are stuck feeling that

1 1 3+ =stuck, feeling that there are simply too many pieces of a jigsaw puzzle

Summarizing gives the group time to breathe

1 1 3+ =breatheA good summary clarifies some of the confusion

The summary also provides t i t hi h concrete points on which

further work can be based.


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The dynamics of the groupWhat goes on

Are there power or What goes on

between the members of the team.?

power or control issues among the members?

Forces the group to look at how it is functioning ‐Something that the group might not have done otherwiseIf only because it was so involved in the details that it couldn’t see the whole picture

Feedback helpful on what it is doing correctlycorrectlyMembers can repeat the constructive behaviour

One other role is essential to the

fsuccess of any group:

▪Listening

At all times, everyMember of the groupNeeds to be aware ofHow important it is toHow important it is toHear what people are Saying

ConcentrationConcentration& Commitment


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Most people don’t listen well

They have to train themselves to do so

They become so absorbed with their own

agendas and viewpoints that they aren’t

open to those of others

They become defensive when their commitments and opinions are challengedDefensiveness is not conducive to open‐ mindedness and objectivity

If people hear what they’d rather

t h th not hear, they can become so emotional that their listening shuts down

A lot of group time is wasted when people respond to what they think they heard without h ki k h h checking to make sure that what they think they heard is actually the meaning of the speaker

Rather than jumping in with a rebuttal or a criticism, try saying…“What I heard you say is Am I What I heard you say is… Am I correct?” Checking is so easy, and it saves a lot of time and energy

Shutting offAnalysing or LabellingLabellingDominating Yes‐buttingNaysaying



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SHUTTING OFFSHUTTING OFFDayn is talking Suddenly, Sandra says, "Hey, that reminds me of something.

b hDo you remember when? . . Dayn is probably sitting there with his mouth open, a quizzical look on his face. Sandra has shut him off ‐ has silenced him


When you put labels on a person's behaviourOr you try to describe his or her Or you try to describe his or her attitudes or motives,You're threatening a discussion.


The dominator likes to take over the discussion He may rationalise, "I'm a person who likes to get things done, so let's cut through all this nonsense and get our act together,“or "We're really wasting time. I say we should vote on this and move on"


One of the most common behaviours in a group discussion For example,p ,"Yes, I understand what you're saying, but I think you're missing the point"

Translated:"I hear you, but you're wrong."


In many groups someone declares them self the "devil's advocate," The function it is to make sure that whatever is bad about another person's idea gets is bad about another person s idea gets expressed. So relentless can such Naysayers be in emphasising what is wrong, that what is right can get buried. The discussion becomes lopsided.


No has a power that is disproportionate in many deliberations



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For some it facilitates smooth interpersonal relationsfor others it borders on destructive for others it borders on destructive behaviour


1. Win/Lose ‐ Competing

2 Yield/Lose ‐ Accommodating 2 Yield/Lose ‐ Accommodating

3. Compromise

4 Lose/Leave ‐ Avoiding

5. Win/Win ‐ Collaborating


All five of the positions outlined above presuppose that the participants in a conflict have a well‐established, consistent conflict style style. But what about individuals who vacillate during the course of conflict resolution?They may use all five techniques at various times or in various conflicts.


In most organizations,this chameleon‐like, contextual style is the most common style of conflict resolution.

Understanding the variations of conflict resolution, individuals should adopt whatever seems best for a particular situation or whatever has been reinforced by past experience.



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you should adopt whatever seems best for a particular best for a particular situation or whatever has been reinforced by past experience


News Week, July 17, 2006It's a common problem in the nightclub industry: the burly bouncer meets the intoxicated patronmale egos flare and someone gets hurt.


Less testosterone. At least that's the thinking of a growing number of club owners now employing females for security jobs, arguing that women are better at settling disputes verbally and are less vulnerable to harassment charges when attending to female guests.

"The age of big thugs is gone," says Robert Smith, a San Diego‐based nightclub‐security consultant.


runs security at San Diego's Olé Madridsought a security job six years agoshe was "straight‐out laughed at." Now some 10% of the officers at XL Staffing & Security of San Diego, which supplies guards for 27 clubs in southern San Diego, which supplies guards for 27 clubs in southern California, are femaleEven the traditional nomenclature—"bouncers"—is changing, says club co‐owner Alan Seymour, whose Palm Springs, Calif., bar has two female "door people."


some observers of physics may doubt a woman's ability to eject a larger male patron. If it comes to that, there's safety in numbers—most women work on staff with several menSome have faith in their own skills.Some have faith in their own skills."You're gonna leave whether you like it or not,“

says Amber Ingalls, security supervisor at Chilkoot Charlie's nightclub in Anchorage, Alaska.

"I will make you leave.“Jonathan Mummolo



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Where? Why?


CONFLICTCONFLICT


WORK PLACEHOME

PERSONALON THE ROAD

COMMUNITYSCHOOLCHURCH

SPORTSRECREATIONPARLIAMENT


PERSONALITYFEAREGOCULTURE

UNEMPLOYMENTPEER PRESSUREDISAGREEMENTEMOTIONS

OPINIONSIGNORANCEMISUNDERSTANDINGSOCIALIZATIONJEALOUSYSELFISH(Free) Food

RELIGIONPOWERECONOMICSEDUCATIONRESOURCESPOLITICSGENDERAlcohol


SOCIALIZATIONG ORELIGION

POLICING/SUPERVISING



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PREVENTPREVENTCONTAINRESOLVE


WIN/LOSEYIELD/LOSECOMPROMISECOMPROMISELOSE/LEAVEWIN‐WIN


SCENARIO & CONTEXTDRIVERS & CONTROLLERSOUTCOME: What resulted?REPLAY & STOP THE TAPEWhat could you have done that would have altered the course of events?(Prevent, Contain, Resolve)


Team 1 –Team 2 –

Team 3 ‐

Team 4 –



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Anger Management

The Psychology Of Attitude Changey gy g

Conducting A Difficult Performance Appraisal

Applying Emotional Intelligence Strategies in

Conflict Resolution

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Education

Conflict resolution mar2014 cement