Training Techniques Training - Day 3 Coaching Skills

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IMPROVED STRATEGIC MANAGEMENT CAPACITY PROJECT

November 2013

Training Techniques Training – Session 3Jocelyne Rasé

Coaching skills

Bu proje Avrupa Birliği ve Türkiye Cumhuriyeti tarafından finanse

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Day Three

Why Coaching? – Telling people what to do does not work

Principles of Coaching– The 5 steps– The purpose– The change of mindset necessary– The outcome

Practice


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Coaching is about Change

Before After


edilmektedir Telling people what to do … Does it work?

http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&frm=1&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=Rmnw8-vJpgf6VM&tbnid=OqPNxqLI1z-DkM:&ved=0CAUQjRw&url=http://fivex3.com/2013/04/01/good-eats-guest-post-orange-cake/e06c9_google-scolding/&ei=nH6HUfWGB6r40gWByoDIBA&bvm=bv.45960087,d.ZG4&psig=AFQjCNF75-VWWmnQlmaMMlZJlqeJupg80g&ust=1367920658589112

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http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&frm=1&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=Et_KiVipKEiptM&tbnid=ANAtnFPKGmll7M:&ved=0CAUQjRw&url=http://blog.gaiam.com/blog/stop-the-cycle-claiming-the-victim-in-relationship-spats/&ei=ooSHUZXuMfOT0QWh94HYAw&bvm=bv.45960087,d.ZG4&psig=AFQjCNFVD6UeEZFLfbZ0igULb-tzvjlGpA&ust=1367922193372946


edilmektedir How many times do I have to….?

Efforts Results80/20

09/04/2023 5


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6

How long will it take

before you realise

that it does not work?


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Compliance is NOT the same as engagement


edilmektedir What is below the surface?

Superficial agreement

.Resistance


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Time

Mot

ivatio

n - P

erfo

rman

ce

Stretch zone

Strategic Management

Comfort Zone

Reform has been

in place

since 2003

1 2 3 4 5 Coaching 6 7 8 9 10

10 9 8 7 6 Being directive 5 4 3 2 1


edilmektedir From being directive to coaching I am a Directive I am Coaching

Beliefs I operate from – ‘I know best’

I find solutions. I make decisions

I am responsible for the actions of people

Skills required

Organise, solve problems,

make decisions, giving orders

What I am actually doing

Give instructions

Tell the person what to do

Beliefs – ‘You know what is best for you’

You can generate great solutions

You are responsible for the results you create

Skills required

Focused listening, open questions, reflection,

Feedback, open observation, dialogue

What I am actually doing

Understand, challenge interpretations,

Encourage others to think differently

Coaching requires a change in mind-set


edilmektedir Coaching Skills: a 5 step process

1. Building rapport

2. Structure the conversation

3. Focused listening4. Effective Questioning

5. Constructive Feedback

Helping the person think differently


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In order to influence people to change, you need to build trust

Rapport

Ritual - Cliché

Facts - Information

Opinions - Beliefs

Emotions - Feelings

Trus

t

Ris

k

Tim

e


edilmektedir Levels of Listening

Cosmetic Listening

Conversational Listening

Active/Attentive Listening

Deep Listening

Little effort/focus

Focused intention

‘If it looks like I’m listening, I’m not really, I’m kind of someplace else…’

‘I’m engaged in the conversation, listening, talking, thinking, talking, thinking, again and again, etc.

‘I’m very focussed on what you’re saying, paying attention, recording facts’

‘I’m more focussed on you than me, I’m getting a sense of who you are.’


edilmektedir Quality Questions Don’t ask WHY

Great questions have the following characteristics:– They are simple– They have a purpose– They are open, i.e. no hidden agenda or motive– They influence thought or learning

Open How..?

Tell me more…

What does it mean..?

Can you explain…?

What would…..?

Closed Did you..? Yes or No?

Have you..?

Is this the issue..?

Is that what stops you?

Get the person to talk lessGet the person to talk more


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Challenge the

person’s way of thinking


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April 9, 2023

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Coach the PERSON,

NOT the ISSUE!!!

http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&frm=1&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=aRdTTcdjyeY13M&tbnid=I3dNAG65baRsaM:&ved=0CAUQjRw&url=http://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/businessman-with-question-mark-over-his-high-res-stock-photography/109742958&ei=L5oPUYzJK-PO0QHnnIGgCQ&bvm=bv.41867550,d.d2k&psig=AFQjCNHVhIMOdylmLS0Cu2FV4Yg_XtJBCQ&ust=1360063384742129


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The coaching approach

I am directive - I tell what to do The coachee directs him/herself

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10Dependence Guidance Sharing Support Delegation Encouragement Trust Independence

Directives Advice Opinions Suggestions Impressions Options Alternatives Possibilities


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From being directive to trust…BEING DIRECTIVE Questions Outcome

Directives Do that! DEPENDENCE

Advice May I recommend that you…? Guidance

Opinions May I share my opinion? ...I think that… Sharing

Suggestions Have you thought about…? Support

ImpressionsMy I share my impression ... It is that you seem …

Delegation

Options What are your options? Encouragement

Alternatives What else could you think about? Openness

Possibilities You could do X, Y, Z Trust

COACHING I know you will make the right decision INDEPENDENCE


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The girl on her way to Ibiza…

What is the issue?


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What is below the surface?

Listen to the words, question them, ask for different words…Listen to the emotion, ask for clarification

Topic

Issue.


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Time Out


edilmektedir Coaching Skills: a 5 step process

1. Building rapport

2. Structure the conversation

3. Focused listening4. Effective Questioning

5. Constructive Feedback

Beliefs we operate from


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Practice Sessions

• Break into groups of 3– Person A = Coach– Person B = Coachee– Person C = ObserverA B

C

Coachee:

Prepare a topic for coaching : Talk about an important change you are considering but you have not done anything yet about it.

“I am thinking about a significant change….”

Coach:

Help the person think differently

Observer:

Write notes, make suggestions, give feedback. Ask the coach:

What did you do well?

What could you have done better?

What will do you differently next time?


edilmektedirWhen the coachee says, « I am thinking about…»• How do you feel about the change? What else do you feel? - Are you stepping IN or OUT of a situation?

• What are you leaving behind? – How will you keep in touch?

• What are you stepping into? (+) When the coachee has a positive fantasy - Lets picture your fantasy - Have you checked with anyone? (-) When the coachee imagines a negative situation - What evidence do you have that it will be so bad? Let’s imagine the worst scenario

• Have you experienced this kind of change in the past? - How did you cope? - What worked? How can you apply this to NOW? - What didn’t work? What can you learn from this past experience/failure?

• Who/ What can help you? - How can you make better use of the resources available to you ?


edilmektedir Human dilemma

25

50%50%

Doi

ng N

othi

ng –

Sta

tus

Quo

55%

60%

70%

80%

PARALYSIS of

ANALYSIS

Dual Thinking


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Enabling factors

Who or What can help you

make a decision? Who else? What else?


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Coaching is about reconciling 2 options

which seemed exclusive of one another

And

Either Or


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What are the blocking factors?


edilmektedir Open the realm of possibilities

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Dual Thinking


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Practice Sessions• Break into groups of 3

– Person A = Coach– Person B = Coachee– Person C = Observer

A B

C

Coachee:

Prepare a potential topic for coaching: a dilemma you have, a situation where you feel stuck

“I know I should … but.... ”

Coach:

Help the person think differently – switching from dual thinking(either/or) to win-win (AND)

Observer:

Write notes, make suggestions, give feedback. Ask the coach:





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When you are in the box…. You need coaching…


edilmektedirInaction

PowerlessnessAnger Pessimism Negativity

Isolation It won’t work I shouldEnvy

Jealousy

Boredom

HelplessnessDual Thinking

either/or black or white

Disbelief

Confusion

Fear

ResistanceI can’t.. I really, really

want to…

Judgment

Criticism

Resentment Apprehension Depression Lack of vision


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When a team is in the box…. They need coaching…


edilmektedir When the coachee says, «I have to… I can’t…»

• What puts you in the box, exactly? How does it feel? How long are you willing to stay?

• What is stopping you from….(stepping out of your box)?

• What are the benefits of keeping things the way they are? i.e. staying in your box? (secondary gains)

• What are the consequences of not doing anything? (negative outcomes)

• Which old tape are you listening to? – What evidence do you have that it is true? – Who are you loyal to, when you are listening to that tape? – Have you talked to anybody about this dilemma? Who? Did that help you make a decision? – Have you talked to someone who believes the opposite? (searching for another opinion)

• What is the worst scenario?

• What woud you do if you were not afraid?, if you were sure to succeed?

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Practice Sessions

• Break into groups of 3– Person A = Coach– Person B = Coachee– Person C = ObserverA B

C

Coachee:

Prepare a potential topic for coaching: a dilemma you have, a situation where you feel stuck

“I don’t know if I should or not do X or Y”

Coach:

Help the person think differently

At the end, review your experience on coaching

Observer:

Write notes, make suggestions, give feedback





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WIN and WIN

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• What puts you in the box?

• What keeps you in the box?

• How do you cope? What exactly do you do? Does it work?

• What price are you paying for doing the same thing over & over?

• How long are you going to stay in the box?

• What will happen if you stay in your box?

• What are the secondary benefits to staying in the box?

Discussion with your coach – in pairs


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Discussion with your coach – in pairs

• What would it take to step out of the box?

• Lets imagine the best scenario, how would you handle it?

• What does it look like?

• What would you do if you were not afraid?

• What or Who can help you?

• What are you going to do differently, concretely from now on?


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It’s up to you…IN THE BOXI have to «get along with» … or else…• There will be conflict,• I will be reprimanded,• There will be negative consequences,• I will be fired, I will have a bad reputation, etc = NEGATIVE

OUT OF THE BOXI choose to «get along with… » because…• We will collaborate better to finish the project on time• I might learn something from him• The atmosphere will more positive, etc = POSITIVE


edilmektedir Don’t take the monkey


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Emotional Maturity – 360° feedback

Self Awareness

Self Management

Awareness

of others

Relationship Management

‘Intra’ personal

emotions & behaviours

‘Inter’ personal

emotions & behaviours

Source: Daniel Goleman

DenialLack of

empathy Abuse

Fight or Flight

Acting out

or

Addiction


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Coaching to develop emotional maturity

Self - AwarenessHow do you feel?

What do you mean?

What exactly makes you upset?

Use different words

What else do you feel?

Explain



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Self - ManagementWhat do you usually do when you are upset?

What have you done so far?

What worked, what did not work?

What can you learn from that?

Who/what could help you?

What else could you do?

What other option do you have?



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Awareness of othersHow do you think the other person feels?

What is the impact of your behaviour on other people?

How would you feel if you were in the same situation?

Have you discussed this with the other person?

Why not?



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How do they feel?

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Relationship ManagementWhat evidence do you have that the person will respond negatively

to your request?

How can you approach the person differently?

What is stopping you?

What are you afraid of?

What is the worst that could happen?

What would you do if you were not afraid?

What would you do if you could not fail?



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Coaching myself to develop my emotional maturity…

Self - AwarenessHow do I feel?

What do I mean?

What exactly makes me upset?

What other words can I use to express how I feel?

What else do I feel?

Can I explain?

Self - ManagementWhat do I usually do when I am upset?

What have I done so far?


What can I learn from my past experience?

Who/what could help me?

What else could I do?

What other option do I have?

Awareness of othersHow do I think the other person feels?

What is the impact of my behaviour on other people?

How would I feel if I were in the same situation?

Have I discussed this with the other person?

Why not?

Relationship ManagementHow do I cope with people’s emotions?

What evidence do I have that the person will respond negatively If I speak to him/her?

What can I do?

How can I approach the person differently?

What is stopping me? What am I afraid of?

What is the worst that could happen to me if…?

What would I do if I were sure to succeed? Source: Daniel Goleman


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Coaching others to develop their emotional maturity…

Self - AwarenessHow do you feel?

What do you mean?

What exactly makes you upset?

What other words can you use to express how you feel?

What else do you feel?

Can you explain?

Self - ManagementWhat do you usually do when you are upset?

What have you done so far?


What can you learn from your past experiences?

Who/what could help you ?

What else could you do?

What other option do you have?

Awareness of othersHow do you think the other person feels?

What is the impact of your behaviour on other people?

How would you feel if you were in the same situation?

Have you discussed this with the other person?

Why not? What stopped you?

Relationship ManagementHow do you cope with people’s emotions?

What evidence do you have that the person will respond negatively If you speak to

him/her?

What can you do?

How can you approach the person differently?

What is stopping you? What are you afraid of?

What is the worst that could happen to you if…?

What would you do if you were sure to succeed? Source: Daniel Goleman


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Change management

April 9, 2023 50


edilmektedir Assignment

Education

Training Techniques Training - Day 3 Coaching Skills