Ta-boó's the Artist Waiter. VOL.2

ETHEREAL ALMS GIVER ( UNGENEROSITY )!It’s around Christmas. The Occupy Movement !has been very active during the holiday season !asking for economic equality. I felt possessed !by that protesting energy… !!Customer: Could you please stop the protest? !!Me: I am very sorry but I can’t do anything to !stop the protest outside. !!Customer: (Clinking her champagne glass with !the silverware as a sign that I need to refill it.) !!Clinking will get you ignored for at least 10 !minutes. I am a waiter, not your slave… !I had already my own little protest going on. !!Me: Here is your bill. (equal to $252.28) !!What was left in the check presenter, you ask? !!Customer: …and here you have $7 cash and !$60 in gift certificates to the Williams Sonoma !Store! !!Me: Nice! (I declared myself the winner!) !!(One Week Later) !!Once at the location of the store Williams !Sonoma a sign outside said: Out Of Business. !Thank you very much Lady Ungenerosity!!!!!

IT’S ALL ABOUT ME ( EGOISM )!One by one I got screwed by all my customers!today. The tour de force was my four-top of !snippy Brazilians who had spent the better !part of my shift running me around for a million !things, including an unexpected dessert after !their tab was already closed. !!Customer: Do you accept credit cards? !!Me: Yes, we do. I will split your $835.12 dollar !check. The credit cards have been swiped and !approved. !!Me: Now, just sign here, you are all set. !!Customer: What am I supposed to sign? !!Me: (to Lady Fudge Egoism)The cardholder’s !name please. !!Customer: “Obrigado” (“Thanks” in Portuguese) !!She proceeds to draw a picture of a naked !lady- with large boobs -where her signature !should be. !!Me: Uh Ma,am, I don’t think this is a valid !signature. !!Customer: Just try it; it will work! Uh I need to !stop drinking so much… !!The signature worked just fine, and each !couple left me exactly one dollar as a tip.

MY PET IS MY WORLD! ( GREED )!Me: Welcome to Ta-boo’! How can I serve you? !!Customer: (with a heavy accent) How long is !this going to take? !!Me: We are extremely busy today, it might take !around 12 minutes to bring your food out. !!Customer: All right, we will share a soup, I will !eat a Chicken and Pears PIZZA, and he will eat !your mahi-mahi fish dish. !!Me: Thank you for waiting, here is your food. !!Customer: (with a heavier accent this time) !Wrong order you know very well that we !wanted the Chicken and Pears SALAD !to save the greens for my baby pet, not this PIZZA. !!Me: I am sorry, sir. Here is your SALAD. !!Customer: (to me) That is not all; we want !milkshakes too. !!Customer: (to her husband in Spanish) This !place is terrible, it is very slow, and our waiter !is probably not very smart. (they laughed and !continue making fun of me, asking for dessert, !coffee, and lots of dishes to go.) !!Me: (in perfect Spanish, my first language) It !was a pleasure to serve you today. !!Lady Greed spilled some coffee on herself.!

THE “ALLERGY” GLAMOUR ( OBSESSION )!We worked lunch shifts: 10:30 am till 4:30 pm, !straight through. We rarely took even a 15 !minute break, plus we had a ton of cleaning, !set-up, and side work to do. I can still pinpoint !my best days, remember them and laugh! For !this story lets substitute “gluten” with !“tomatoes” and “Celiac Syndrome” with !“allergy.” !!Customer: I am allergic and I’d like no !tomatoes on my sandwich please. !!Me: Is your tomatoes allergy mild, serious, or !severe?” !!Customer: Serious! !!Me: Okay, and you said you wanted fries with !your sandwich (writing.) Would you like cajun !mayo, ketchup, or mustard for dipping? !!Customer: Ketchup please. !!Me: Of course. Our manager may stop by your !table to discuss your allergy with you. !!Customer: Why would the manager talk to !me? !!Me: You said you have a major allergy to !tomatoes. But you ordered your fries with KETCHUP... !!Customer: (smiles glamorously)!!