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RESPONSE TO EMAIL OF 12/10/09

FROM TAMMY MOLLENDOR

TO KAY WHITE

December 11, 2009

1. The issue of Kristi he did not claim to not know her, Jeff said is it Kristi or

Chris, etc.

2. The children accused him of drinking last Friday (12/4) and being kicked out

of a bar that night and again on Tuesday (12/8). This came up in the context

of a discussion about what Cheyenne was angry at her father about I statedto everyone that part of Cheyennes anger was his past drinking and that

hes mean to the kids when he drinks. Cheyenne agreed that was part of her

anger.

3. The issue of alienating the children: I only asked the children where they got

the information they stated their mother had told them. I was upset by that

and said your mother should not be talking to you about adult issues and that

it was a set up for Jeff to fail at the therapeutic parenting. And I do believe

that please let the children make up their own minds. What you heard from

Kristi could be categorized as gossip. She may be a trustworthy friend of

yours, however, since there was no proof the children would have been

better off not knowing what she said. That you had told the children that Jeff

was drunk and thrown out of a bar on Friday and was drinking on Tuesday, is

what caused the tears for Cheyenne. She felt Jeff was lying to her. What Jeff

said was that he was not drinking Friday night or Tuesday night. He did

admit to drinking on Saturday night at a concert. Jeff did not lie about the

drinking you told the children about Friday and Tuesday. On his own he

admitted to drinking on Saturday, and I said so you are still drinking, right?

He said yes.

4. In regard to dont have their facts straight that came up in the context of

the children telling their father they were mad at him for not attending any of

their functions. He explained his understanding of the time line of events andthe restraining order.

5. I do believe that Jeffs drinking has interfered with his parenting ability. I am

NOT dismissing that fact.

6. Jeff has been to rehab twice not that hes stopped drinking entirely. It

would be better for everyone, even Jeff, if he did quit drinking completely.

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7. Since your friend Kristi said the blankets were under his bed I would ask

that he bring them back to you and to Chase. My hunch is that the blankets

have more meaning for you than for Chase.

8. I do not want your children to be harmed by Jeff. However, I do believe that

you have caused some of the emotional harm also by telling the children

things about adult issues. Just because kids ask does not mean they need

the unvarnished truth that is usually done for that persons feelings and not

in the childrens best interests. They should only be told things at an age

appropriate level.

9. I have mentioned to Tammy twice that the children need therapy of their

own. I would recommend Craig Eades, LCSW, CAC at 7631 West 41st Ave,

720-272-7830; Dr. Edward Ladon, Ph.D. at Behavioral Healthcare at Lowry,130 Rampart Way, #110, 303-344-2425 or Katina Ryan, MA, LPC, 7050 W.

120th , #55, 303-304-0218. All of these people work well with children. A

therapist just for the children could get a sense of what is going on and how

much or how little alienation is happening.

10.I am on the childrens side, not yours and not Jeffs.

11.And, the comment about when this is over was that the children would not

even make eye contact or speak directly to Jeff.

12.This is a Court order, so it would be nice if we could move forward and give

this enough time to play itself out. No, unsupervised has requirements

before it happens, this might take 6 months to one year to work through.

I ask that you, Tammy, dont give the children negative messages about Jeff, they

have negative memories of their own. My hunch is they may have positive

memories also. I think there is another issue between Cheyenne and Jeffrey about

things she tried to take from his home. Therapeutic parenting-time is painful at

times; children dont get to pick their parents they just get what they get.

I also ask that Jeff not disparage you or Dave in any way.

Thank you,

M. Kay White, MA, LPC

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