Narcissists, Psychopaths and Machiavellians in Change Management

There was a conference on Dysfunctional Behaviours and three of the delegates attending were, a Narcissist, A Machiavellian and a

Psychopath. The Conference Organizer asked them all who they believed had the worst behaviour:

The Narcissist immediately said “Me Me Me”

The Psychopath paused and responded “I really don’t care” The Machiavellian waited for the other two to answer then said

“I’ll tell you who has the worst behaviour”

Delivering Change There are a few generalisations tonight and apologies for that, it’s necessary and not all people fit one specific character.

•  Ultimately you are trying to deliver change but you need your stakeholders on your side to do it.

•  That is a challenge when your stakeholders are one of these characters so you need to be able to employ techniques to get the best out of them.

•  When you get the best out of them, they will support you to drive the change.

•  Exaggeration - lies a lot blatantly- Exaggerate reality, it’s their truth so they believe in what they say

•  Extensions - Children like staff are an extension of them – people are not individuals in their own right, they are just an extension of the narcissist

•  Victims of them are often an Over/Under Achiever - The difference is an overachiever often has a role model they look up to – this tends to drive achievement

•  Me me me - Narcissists have emotions but they can be extreme – they often exaggerate achievements – they can also be a bully to hide their low self esteem, but when pushed can break into tears.

•  In the Workplace - they look for fault if you don't do exactly what they want –

•  Not Good Enough - A narcissist can promote a feeling of people around them never being good enough - worthless - because nothing you do will come up to their high expectations

•  Can be huge overachievers - and they will expect others to follow

•  Can use good Psychopathic behaviour to drive changes allegedly

•  Andy McNabb - claims to be a good psychopath and he has done a lot of good work but openly admits he is

•  Emotionless - you are a number not a person - not all psychopaths are murderers! But they do murder your emotion so don’t try any guilt tactics, they won’t work

•  Manipulate mercilessly - often in positions of authority - lawyers - police force – military

•  Foe - You'll feel like the enemy and then they'll start acting as if they adore you – messes seriously with your mind

•  Friend - You think you've made friends and then they'll turn on you and the opposite is true as well

•  Manipulator - For me the worst kind of manipulation - often well liked and even popular to those that don’t work directly with them

•  Morphed - Can be psychopaths who have morphed to be more socially acceptable

•  A Game - It's all about the game to them - the end justifies the means

If you come across and are working with these types then your first solution is follow plan A ………………

Plan A is get as far away as possible but if that is not possible you need a Plan B, learn to manage them.

All these characters have weaknesses and an Achilles heel – you need to find out what it is.

•  Narcissists thrive on recognition – so you can exploit this to get them onside, praise their achievement e.g. that was a really interesting decision, I can see that was the best way forward.

•  Confirm regularly – that was a good move or that was a good decision

•  Tell them you understand why they chose that way even if you know they are wrong, you’re not saying they are correct by saying you understand it. That allows you to put your suggestion in safely

•  If you want to get them onside always give an either or and let it be their decision but make sure one way is hopeless and there is only one way they can choose e.g. I can see where you are coming from, what would you prefer I do this xxxx or would it be better if I did that xxxxx

•  Never undermine them if you want to keep your job you will be the target and they are very good at bullying someone out of a job.

•  Tricky because emotions will never work with a Psychopath, not even praise because they know they are good, so why would you need to tell them

•  Never use emotional words such as "I feel" they won't understand it

•  Use factual analytical words such as ‘I think’

•  Research their background what kind of jobs have they had in the past – this tells you a lot about them and the choices they’ve made

•  Use the up, down, lower technique, when talking to them at their desk. So try standing at their desk, sitting on their desk and then finally sitting on your haunches next to their desk. You’ll find the latter the best as it puts your eye level lower than theirs which is how they like it

•  One client I coached – the boss had come from a call centre so they were driven by targets - we changed my clients words/ reporting to be target driven - the boss loved him - he hated forecasts - he wanted facts - so we looked at past stats history and looked at more realistic analysis based on history. His relationship changed

•  Put a scapegoat between you and them - ruthless but necessary , they always need someone to target their frustrations on

•  They always need someone to blame- so offer a sacrifice - another narcissist on the programme is ideal and then you can praise them for how they deal with the psychopath. You’ll get more out of them that way

•  Avoid direct contact unless its good news to share with them but don’t expect praise or a ‘well done’ you wont get it.

•  Watch where they sit in meetings – never sit opposite them – you’ll be targeted, try to sit to one side of them, they find it much more difficult to dominate you.

•  Where possible report through a Programme Manager and it will be their problem not yours to deal with and gives you some space to sort any issues out without being in the dock every week!

•  Try to second guess what they need before they need it - e.g. Programme Board coming up - what will they need to report on - what will make them look good, the more you can make them look good, the more successful you will be.

All three characters will light fires so imagine you have a tent and get them in it and the fires reduce because they get burnt too

•  You will come across these characters in nearly every change contract

•  You need them on side or they will light Australian Bush fires and you know how notorious they are to control

•  Make sure they have skin in the game – to ensure they have accountability and suffer consequences, especially if the change is challenging, you need them onside

•  They are great on your side to drive change, so keep them in that tent e.g. you may have a stakeholder who is constantly complaining so give them a quality role and responsibility, and see the fires die down and get some really good input

•  All three characters hate failure so use their skills to drive the change

•  They will make things happen and are brilliant on your side but align their role to what they are good at

•  Stay out of the firing line because all hit out verbally sooner or later although some are more controlled than others

•  Protect your self esteem, if their behaviour starts to get to you and you feel your confidence reducing and belief in your ability then it’s time for Plan A………

•  If you can’t manage these characters or it starts to affect your confidence then there is only one choice, you need to get away from them but be proud of the fact you did your best, some are just too good at it and cannot be managed!