Newsletter. Verve. Newyddion Times

8/2/2019 Newsletter. Verve. Newyddion Times

1/8

The Newyddion Times 1

Another brick in the Wall

The Berlin wall stood for 28 years and

ensured that the cracks between East andWest Germany increased. It was arrogance.

Hope is a good thing; probably the best of

things. And no good thing ever dies- Tim

Robbins from the Shawshank Redemption.

Today, it seems as though the quote from

the epic Franc Darabont film was tailor

made for a man who hit a classy 95 at

Lords in 1996. This was elegance.

The poise and the class that the man

brought to the crease was like striding on a

sunny afternoon and watching a Hitchcock

movie. It was Puritanism bested, reworked

and selflessly displayed, time and again.

Today, as the sun sets on the Wall, the man

puts it thus, I dont want to keep the

youngsterswaiting. His stint was

subtleness and subtlety in its finest

concoction.

The Mani maamas and Ambi maamas from

the good old Tambrahm families, who were

tired of Match-fixing

and Manoj Prabhakars

poor cricket, sat down

and appreciated him.

Such was his mastery in

a Maidan. Micheal

Vaughan (Mayil

Vaaganan) complained

of Jellybeans and

Vaseline. Shoib Akhtar(Siva Bhaktar)

intimidated him. The wall never cracked

since 1996 when at Lords.

His last press conference was unobtrusiveand full of poise. Jammy retired from

cricket; not from the hearts of a cricket fan.

And as any rationalised fan can argue, in

brief, Rahul Dravid is Rahul Dravid.

Respect.

- Gopalakrishnan

The Mayans were right.

Year 2009. Despite few faux passes, weknew while watching a certain film,

that at the end ofthat particular year,

we would ridicule the talk of the end of

the world, the Doomsday theory and

everything under the sun associated

with it. Together with us, a certain X

wouldve laughed too (considering

hypothetically that X knew English).

Cometh 2012: As every day goes by,Mayan Calendars prediction is

increasing its pace towards the oblivion

to go down as a practical joke. Heres

the reality check. X is Mayawati.

Mayans predicted the end of Mayan era

( read Mayawatis regime). As the veil

on her statues comes down, shell put a

veil on her face and curse the Mayans.

After all, 2 days before

the poll results, she

had said, I hold the

master key to power.

It seems she was

talking about TNs

power.

USELESS FACTS:The Times commissioned

the serif typeface Times New Roman,

created by Victor Lardent at the English

branch of Monotype, in 1931. It was

commissioned after Stanley

Morison had written an article

criticizing The Times for being badly

printed and typographically antiquated.


2/8


The C-WordcounselVerb /kounsl/Counselled past participle.

Counselling present participle.

1. Give professional psychological help and advice to

(someone)

2. Recommend (a course of action

And the paradox:Anna UniversityCounselling. I remember telling my friendonce,Im not going to attend AnnaCounselling. Its for the idiots. Ultimately, Iwas no exception; I was an idiot as well. Askanyone in Tamilnadu who awaits the D-dayabout counselling. They barely know theprocedure. In times like these, one educational

institution or the other organises a specialcounselling session How to prepare for thecounselling. Talk of irony, this certainly isone.

I remember my dad asking, Dei, Hindunewspaper la counselling pathipotrukaaname! Padichaya?(Did you readthe article in The Hinduregarding counselling?).I answered in the negative. Is counselling amisnomer? Well, dont ask such questions. Theconcept of counselling is better to be accepted

as a dogma. Wasnt that how we studied all thesubjects? Dont keep thinking. Just write asgiven in the book!That was another dogma.

When Chennai welcomed me like a fresh, just-from-the-panpottikadai bajji, I still didntknow how the C was going to be. Strategistsargue that the best thing to do before a meetingis PPCC (Plan Practically, Carefully andCreatively). I wish to differ on this count. Thebest way to spend the eve of C is to sleep, sleep

like you never did.When you wake up, it is still the eve of the Cand there is calls abuzz about one guy or a girlgetting their desired course of study. You seethe clock. It tells you that there are 15 morehours until you are lead into AC halls and madeto sit in front of a monitor that decides yourfate. What? A monitor is all thats needed tomake or break your dreams?And then youremember, certain things are better when leftunexamined.

I woke up early on the D-day when my phonealarm beeped with a ITS YOUR

DAY! message (ala Match-fixing technique).An IPL commentator would term thisa Pressure cooker situation. To watch theseats in your course of choice take a plunge,

watch helplessly is the worst possible thing thatcan happen. Your consolation: You can do thesame to others when your turn comes in frontof the computer terminals that decide yourfate.

I came out of the C-session with an allotmentorder for the last of seats in a course I wanted.My month-long permutations andcombinations did bear fruit. For some, it wasa disaster. I remember watching a parent crysince her ward didnt get their desired course.

Shit happens. But one cant allow it to touchmeteoric levels such as the C.I once again remember that counsellingmeant providing professional, psychologicaladvice and assistance. And then I rememberto accept this specific C as an educationaldogma put forth on unaware students likeus. The ones on a roll in Anna University arethe umpteen monkeys roaming around withoutcertificates and a cut-off to boast. We, thesamepottikadai bajjis, are neatly packed andsent to different colleges to be feasted.

And the C-word ends. You feelbetter? Definitely, maybe.

Dead End. Please take diversion.


3/8


That Day, That Year.History & Civics exam was the oneremaining unfinished. The concentration

was haywire. Dad had booked tickets forthe customary tour. As a kid, trips werealways fun. H&C exam was duly decimated.The monkey was off the shoulders beforethe holidays. I was to Bangalore, on a train.It was aSaturday. Dad explained, Notickets to Chennai. Well visit our relativesand take the train to Chennai tomorrow!All that a kid needed was being to newplaces and so, I made sure dad wasntqueried further. The train took the

necessary turn past Jolarpettai and reachedBangalore.

A cow was run over by a speeding train ona Railway crossing. Mom was quick to closemy eyes with her hands. Any scene thatwas gory received a straightAcertification from mom and bannedfromview. On reaching my uncles house, beforedad could explain, I said, We weresupposed to go to Chennai. We didnt get

the tickets and so we are here!I told,leaving my dad searching for words.

Why are you eternally lazy? Get up! Growup! mom taunted. The Chennai train wasto be at 6 30 am. The roads to the Railwaystation, on a wintery morning in Bangalorewere always busy. I picked up a copy ofThe Hindu and got into the train.Aussieslooking forward to winning their 300th testmatch,said the paper. On the way to

Chennai, Dad, the first thing we are doingwhen we reach Chennai is visit the beach,I said. Srilanka and Newzealand wereplaying an ODI.

By the time the train reached Chennai,NewZealand team had thrashed SriLankaby 7 wickets. While waiting for a train toWest Mambalam, a bystander at the ParkStation remarked, Chennai la nirayayedam kadal kulla poiduchanga!(A lot

of places in Chennai have sunk under theSea). Dad dismissed him as another

deranged fellow, probably drunk. I wasangry with dad; he wasnt taking me tothebeach, as promised for a kid from a land-

locked city, visiting a beach was always anawesome idea. My cousin welcomed mehome. We switched on the TV. Headlineswere run. And I watched in completeshock. The land was, under the sea. Whatthe man told, and ignored without amoments thought, was true.

And the world was filled with sorrow. Iwouldve been on the beach when it wasswallowed but for the tickets to Chennai

that I couldnt get. Kamal Haasan, in hisepicAnbe Sivam had talked aboutTsunamis. Now people took notice. It was acold Sunday. It was December 26th, 2004. Iwas alive. Not many were.

Results: History & Civics: 47/100.

Australia won their 300th test. SriLanka cancelled their tour of

NewZealand to head back home.

And I was a lucky man.

- Gopalakrishnan


4/8


Airbrushing. Indian Style.

Sneaking into the

Buckingham Palace.

Can you imagine breaking into the

Buckingham Palace, a place which is

guarded as though some FBI agency was

operating there? And twice? You must be

kidding. Such is the world. Its a fact.

Micheal Fagan is a well-known intruder

into the Buckingham Palace. To be precise,

he did it twice. The best part of the story is

that he didnt get arrested during both the

attempts. Back then, in 1982, when he

committed these acts, this wasnt a crime.

He spent 6 months in a mental hospital

and was a free man.

The Warriors Glory.Sriram.D.Iyer

With Raging horses we come,

A fight till the finish it has become,

White Tiger swords we wield,

Battling for the priceless shield.

Perseverance and Resilience talk my tale,

A thrust of Turbulence always at my tail,

My Men have only one thought,

In future, Our glory will be taught.

The sound of our march symbolises

strength,

Bravery and Courage of unlimited extent,The enemy trembles at our very sight,

The battle is half won even before we fight.

We negotiate, We don't want to kill,

Don't want our enemies to return as bodies

to their families waiting by the window sill,

Our valiant fight and the Enemy's fright

pushed us to Victory,

Our names will be forever etched in

History!!


5/8


Insomnia? Think again.

Many people think they need a doctor

immediately before they actually getdiagnosed with insomnia. This is simply

false. You do not need a doctor to treat

insomnia, especially if you have a mild

case. Although some cases of insomnia can

justify treating by a medical professional,

not all cases do so do not rush to the

doctor just because your concern about the

possibility of insomnia.

Beware of some doctors as they are quick

to prescribe costly sleeping pills. After all,

is not in your best interest to tell you about

numerous natural cures for insomnia that

can be used instead of sleeping pills side of

drugs. This would put a hole in your

pocket.What kind of natural cures for insomnia

are there? Well, simply put, a lot! There are

basic tips such as maintaining a good

sleep schedule, sleeping in a dark room

well ventilated, avoiding alcohol and snuff,

sleep on a firm bed, eat a snack that has

large amounts of L-tryptophan,

consumption of hot milk, etc and then

there are real resources from insomnia,

aromatherapy, herbal therapy, massage

therapy, relaxation therapy, and more.

With all these choices, you should be able

to see why you probably will not need adoctor insomnia.

The type of treatment you need (through

the tip or complete insomnia cure)

depends on your unique case of insomnia.

If you find that you rarely sleep at night,

you may want to try many natural

remedies for insomnia instead of one. If

youre sleeping well, but there is room for

improvement, I could only use a few tips to

sleep a few instead of diving head first innatural remedies.

When you reach the end, is really a matter

of personal preference and the speed and /

or establishment you want to treat your

sleep disorder. However, no matter what

your choice, you must be fully aware that a

doctor insomnia, while useful, is not always

necessary for the treatment of insomnia

quickly.

I hope this article helps you if you cant fall

asleep or need to fall asleep fast. Get a life,

get some sleep.

-Srinivasa Raghavan

USELESS FACTS

American pitcher GaylordPerrys

manager once joked, "They'll put

a man on the moon before he hits

a home run!, during the 1963

season.Just hours after

Armstrong landed on the

moon, on July 20,1969, Perryhit his first and last home run.

The night is the hardest time to be

alive and 4am knows all my

secrets.Poppy. Z.Brite


6/8


Crossword Puzzle 13*13

Across

1 Star models posing for great painters(3,7)7 Last bit of Devon, or people in anothercounty (7)8 A job to do - to ask if nothing's missing(4)10 Get out of bed for a pay increase (4)11 Marginal changes may be frightening(8)13 University teacher's crucial creature (6)15 Spitefulness revealed by male in front

of girl (6)17 Drink ruined a nice hat (5,3)18 Los Angeles graduate becomes amonk in Tibet (4)21 Implement that's excessively large? (4)22 Do we hear a song writer for children?(7)23 Poor lad meaning to become a star(7,3)

Down

1 Some progressive but frightening people

(5)

2 Doctor with little work in the fall (4)

3 Compound such as chalk a litmus test

reveals (6)

4 Breaking out in test or lesson (8)

5 Son is playing in Rhode Island for

composer (7)

6 Bring in a sort of reduction (9)

9 Willing? That's nice! (9)12 Thorough description of Three Blind

Mice? (8)

14 No one takes part - it's disgusting (7)

16 Clergyman from inside a convent (6)

19 A celebration with the navy on deck (5)

20 Duke's Head drink container (4)

Waiting for the light? Turn to see the end of

the tunnel.

Epic fail is Epic.


7/8


Dads these days.

Senthil-Yogi

The comedic genius Senthil once caused aperturbation in the world of philosophy

with his groundbreaking answer to theGoundamani Quantum HypotheticalModified Turing Question. Alan Turing

was a pathbreaking computer scientistwho killed himself by eating a cyanide-laced apple, which, as urban legend wouldhave it, inspired the half-eaten apple logo

of the company founded by Steve Jobs,who designed products that made us all gobananas. And it's that humble fruit thatbrings us back to Senthil and Goundamani

because it was the protagonist ofGoundamani's question: Where is theother banana? Life is built on anabsurdist foundation that I've begun to

call Senthilogic.

Just the other day, a friend on Twitter sawthe news about Arvind Kejriwal andtweeted, I wonder where the

other chappalwent. One might arguethat this is hardly the sort of thing that

matters when the future of our fragiledemocracy is under active attack from

aerial weaponised footwear but when youstop to consider that when a member of a

politically active purportedly apolitical

organisation that supports anti-corruptionby proposing a potentially corruptible newlayer of bureaucracy is attacked

with chappals, logic arrives at this partyonly as the other banana.

So where is the other chappal? Ofcourse, this is the other chappal. If the

leftchappalwas thrown, then whatremains is the right one, the correct one. If

the right chappalwas thrown, then what is

left? Yes, the left one. This is Senthilogic atits best, its distilled essence.The ability tohold two contradictory, mutually

destructive opinions in one's mind is, to befair, an age-old Indian tradition. AdiSankara spoke of Advaita, which I believeis one of the oldest expositions of

Senthilogic. Despite really referring tonon-duality, Advaita always ends upbeing misconstrued as A Duality byeveryone, especially modern day parents

who like to name their kids Advait,expecting them to be good at both

(duality) studies and televised singingcompetitions with SMS voting.

As part of my Senthilyogic training, I amgoing to agree with people I disagree withtoday and disagree with people I agreewith tomorrow and agree to disagree with

agreeably disagreeable people the dayafter. Can I have my other banana now?

- Krishnan


8/8


TamBrahm Science

A political scientist from Dartmouth has

done extensive research into why most of usget angry when someone presents solid

evidence that our deeply held beliefs are

wrong. On first reading, I wondered if this

chap was a professor emeritus at the

MISPWOSO, the Maximegalion Institute for

Slowly and Painfully Working Out the

Surprisingly Obvious, a university concocted

by that comedic genius Douglas Adams to

describe a galactic-level academic institution

dedicated solely to the sort of research that,

for instance, uses Quantum Topography andString Theory to prove that poorly played

violins cause migraines. But on second

reading, I was convinced that there was

more to this than meets the eye.

It takes me back to a time when I was in

Class XI and a casual reading of Resnick &

Halliday had suddenly armed me with the

intellectual equivalent of a baseball bat and

a bad attitude to go with it. One afternoon,

when I had returned from school, I foundthat our house-owner, a lady, had assembled

a religious mob of sorts and was actively

recruiting all school students into it. Some

quick enquiries revealed that she had come

to know, like Moses at Sinai, that an idol of

Ganesha nearby had suddenly developed a

voracious appetite for milk and that this

represented a moment of faith, a miracle of

supernatural proportions that immediately

necessitated a mob of chanting school

children led by aforementioned houseowner.

I joined the procession, even chanting

paeans to the elephant god's amazing lactose

tolerance and when we reached the idol in

question, Messrs. Resnick and Co.

whispered Cough Cough, capillary effect,

milk, marble into my ears. I then uttered

the one line most religious people do not

want to hear This is not a miracle, it's

physics. The houseowner lady gave me the

sort of look senior Taliban commanders

might at a Powerpoint presentation of

Mohammad cartoons.

Fast forwarding to our researcher atDartmouth, his point was really directed

towards journalists and how they should

craft stories that question common (wrongly

held) beliefs. Simply saying for instance,

Research proves that writing Sriramajayam

a 1000 times does not cure heart disease

only makes people (and pen and notebook

manufacturers) angry and they tend to go on

an expedition to seek out new ways to justify

their false beliefs. My grandmother once

summarised this Dartmouth professor'sfindings in a simple sentence Be gentle

when you want to prove someone wrong.

The other bit of science that interested me

this week was a Washington University

study on why yoghurt (and curd) helps

digest food better. As south Indians, we have

always known this to be true, but it is always

useful to be armed with a few Latin words

for bacteria and biotechnological jargon to

reassure ourselves about our culinarysuperiority. Turns out that bacteria in curd

actually alters gene expression in the

microbes present in our stomachs to achieve

that immensely satisfying feeling one gets

after wolfing down curd rice.

So being proved wrong makes us angry, and

anger causes indigestion and curd rice cures

indigestion. No wonder, then, that my

grandmother's solution to the problem of

worldwide conflict was for everyone to eatcurd rice. Ashok

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