Review of Revision Strategies – Goal is substantial revision

• Work done as a result of your peer or self-reviews

• Dialogue and Thoughtshots

• Opening the Door (the lead)

• Exploding a Moment

• Word Level Revisions

• NTSSWTSWITSP

• Brush Strokes – see new handout

• Any combination of strategies

Revision “To be, or not to be”

Improving writing by eliminating “be” verbs

Didn’t Shakespeare say “To be, or not to be: that is the question:”?

• He used three “to-be” verbs right there! • If it’s good enough for Shakespeare, it’s good enough for

me. • Perhaps, but Billy is, after all the William Shakespeare. • I can recite the soliloquy now if you like……..

What’s So Wrong with “To-Be” Verbs?

• 1. The “to-be” verbs: is, am, are, was, were, be, being, been are state of being verbs, which means that they may unduly claim a degree of permanence. For example, “I am hungry.” For most Americans, hunger is only a temporary condition.

• 2. The “to-be” verbs may seem to claim absolute truth and exclude other views. “Classical music is very sophisticated.” Few would agree that all classical compositions are always sophisticated.

• 3. The “to-be” verbs tend to be general and lack specificity. A mother may tell her child, “Be good at school today.” The more specific “Don’t talk when the teacher talks today” would probably be more instructive.

• 4. The “to-be” verbs are vague. For example, “That school is great.” Clarify the sentence as “That school has wonderful teachers, terrific students, and supportive parents.”

Passive voice

• Being verbs may slow down the action; passive voice may weaken images.

• Example Passive Voice: The runaway horse was ridden into town by an old, white-whiskered rancher (Noden 10).

• Active Voice: The white-whiskered rancher rode the runaway horse into town.

• Example Being Verb: The gravel road was on the left side of the barn.• Removed Being Verb: The gravel road curled around the left side of

the barn (10).• Group Sentence for practice: The grocery store was robbed by two

armed men (10).

Problem-Solving Strategies to Eliminate the “To-Be” Verb

Substitute

• 1. Substitute-Sometimes a good replacement just pops into your brain. For example, instead of “That cherry pie sure is good,” substitute the “to-be” verb is with tastes as in “That cherry pie sure tastes good.”

Rearrange

• 2. Rearrange-Start the sentence differently to see if this helps eliminate a “to-be” verb. For example, instead of “The monster was in the dark tunnel creeping,” rearrange as “Down the dark tunnel crept the monster.”

Change another word to the verb

• 3. Change another word in the sentence into a verb-For example, instead of “Charles Schulz was the creator of the Peanuts cartoon strip,” change the common noun creator to the verb created as in “Charles Schulz created the Peanuts cartoon strip.”

Combine sentences

• 4. Combine sentences-Look at the sentences before and after the one with the “to-be” verb to see if one of them can combine with the “to-be” verb sentence and so eliminate the “to-be” verb.

• For example, instead of “The child was sad. The sensitive young person was feeling that way because of the news story about the death of the homeless man,” combine as “The news story about the death of the homeless man saddened the sensitive child.”

Student Sample

• Eliminate be verbs

• Use “brushstrokes”

Your Mission Today: Listen carefully and follow directions exactly

1. Open your CNF draft.2. Carefully look for and highlight ALL of the “be” verbs in

your piece.1. Ctrl F is the find feature. Plug in one of the be verbs and let the

computer do some of your work.

3. When you think you are done finding them, call me over to check your work, or ask a peer to check your work. FIND and highlight ALL be verbs.

4. Next, make a copy of this highlighted document and rename it “Be verb copy of CNF.” Make sure it is in your Creative Writing Assignment Creative Nonfiction folder.

Next steps

1. Now, go back to your CNF rough and work to get rid of ALL be verbs in your piece, or die trying. • is, am, are, was, were, be, being, been

• Contractions count – isn’t wasn’t aren’t, weren’t, they’re, there’s, he’s she’s, it’s we’re, you’re

• Highlight them all!

• Goal: Eliminate all but one in each paragraph.

2. See how much more powerful your writing becomes!

3. You do not need to comment on be verb changes. I can see them by comparing the two documents.