Thinking about Language

and about Writing

in English

Mark Petersen教授に学ぶ

英文エッセイ講座

2009年11月29日 東京

主催・アイ・オズモシス

このPower Pointは、2009年11月29日に東京で行なわれたマーク教授

の英語エッセイ講座をもとにしています。

「アイ・オズモシス英語エッセイ・評論コンテスト2009」に一般投稿された英

文エッセイ・評論の中から、優秀なノミネート作品を素材にして、コンテスト

審査委員長のマーク教授が日本人によくある英語ミスを解説しました。

コンテストの概要、ノミネート作品のオリジナル英文は公式ブログを

ご覧下さい。

For most people whose

native language is

Japanese, the main

problems encountered in

writing in English involve...

But for the best-essay-contest entrants,

the most immediately conspicuous

problem was:

例文から学びましょう。

I couldn’t believe [it] when I found

out something is happening …

… her happy marriage ended

in 1945, when a letter arrived to inform that her beloved

husband bravely died for the

country ….

Grandma’s wrinkled hand

passed me two silver coins.

There is no shopping tax. 200

yen is enough for two cups of

shaved ice.

200 yen is not enough to buy them, now

that the shopping tax was introduced, but I can cover that with my own money now.

When I close my eyes, I could still see Grandma’s small hands, those extremely

wrinkled hands, taking out two silver

coins for me.

I feel that his anxiety and sadness

were beyond our imagination.

Then, did he bear a grudge against

humans? No, he did never although

the atomic bomb robbed him of his family and his health.

Did he, then, bear a grudge against

humans? No, he never did, even

though the atomic bomb had robbedhim of his family and his health.

It was raining when my brother went to the hospital. We planned to meet beforehand near the hospital. He

came at exactly the meeting time.

He seemed to be waiting us. Maybe my mother told him about his son’s visiting.

He seemed to be waiting for us. Maybe my mother had told him about his son’s intending to visit.

When I came back to the room, my father and brother did not talk.

However, there was a mood of reconciliation.

When I came back into the room, my

father and brother were not talking.

There was, however, a mood of reconciliation.

In August, my father has recovered from serious condition.

In August, my father recovered from his [the] serious illness.

Born as an illegitimate child, at a mere 15 years of age she is heartlessly married off to a brutal and much older man after her mother died.

I prepared a memorandum with illustrations

so that he can understand how to switch

these equipments on, but, unfortunately, he

could not find where the memo was.

… so that he could understand how to

switch the equipment on, but, unfortunately,

he could not find the memo [it].

However, I was not brave enough to tell him

my feelings. Our relationship had not changed

till summer when we were in 3rd grade of junior

high. It was very sudden when I got a phone

call from him.

However, I was not brave enough to tell him

my feelings. Our relationship did not change till

the summer of our 3rd year in junior high. ….

Since then, I could not forget him.

Some Other Problems...

The rest of Christians who escaped the

persecution hid themselves in order to

observe faith during Edo period.

The Christians who escaped the persecution hid themselves in order to

be able to continue practicing their

faith, and they remained hidden

throughout the Edo period.

I called my brother from thepublic telephone at the

hospital.

Set in the turbulent modern Afghanistan in the city Kabul ….

In the summer of 2004, I went

to a Coming of Age Ceremony held in my hometown.

When the documentary

“Born Into Brothels” was first put

on the screen in year 2004, it shook the world.

Summer is the hardest season for

aged people, and their familyshould help them.

At that time, some of my friends

criticized me for my decision.

I have no objection against their

advices.

I have no objection to their advice.

Intransitive Verbs Used As If

They Were Transitive

… it’s wonderful to wait person who needs us.

He seemed to be waiting us.

仮定法仮定法仮定法仮定法

The Subjunctive Mood

I wish you who saw this essay read his writing, visitedNagasaki, and prayed for others and world peace withlove.

I wish you who are reading this essay would read his

writing, (would) visit Nagasaki, and , (would) pray with love for others and world peace.

I hope you who are reading this essay will read his

writing, (will) visit Nagasaki, and , (will) pray with lovefor others and world peace.

Other Inappropriate Verb

Usage

The passage was connected the ward that my father stayed to the entrance of the hospital.

The passage connected the ward that my father was staying in to the entrance of the hospital.

It was in the winter of 2005 that we

knew my father was seriously ill.

I pretended to go to take the towel, and

went out of the room because my mother

had asked me to make enough time for

them to talk with.

My mother had asked me to give them

enough time to talk, so I left the room,

pretending to be going out to get a towel.

It is a book that bridges the Western world with the

Middle-eastern world, allowing the reader to realize the universality of people despite their social and

political circumstances.

It is a book that creates a bridge between the Western world and the Middle-eastern world,

helping the reader realize the universality that exists among people despite differences in their social

and political circumstances.

It was the end of summer during 1st

grade in high school when I noticed

our relationship ended.

It was at the end of the summer during

my 1st year in high school when I

realized our relationship had ended.

He writes that the childish girl

looked more matured because

she acted like a little kid ….

懸垂分詞懸垂分詞懸垂分詞懸垂分詞:主節主節主節主節のののの主語主語主語主語をををを意味上意味上意味上意味上のののの

主語主語主語主語としないとしないとしないとしない分詞構文分詞構文分詞構文分詞構文

Dangling Participles

Physically and emotionally abused by her

devious husband, the reader cannot help

being pained yet also impressed by

Maraim’s endurance.

Maraim has been physically and

emotionally abused by her devious

husband, and the reader cannot help

being pained yet also impressed by her

endurance.

前置詞前置詞前置詞前置詞

Prepositions

At an obscure corner of my large bookshelf, I find my high school yearbook.

In a corner of my large bookshelf, ….

Laila, born a generation after Maraim, is

not without her own grievances,

brought forth on Part Two. Her parents were killed in a bomb when she was just 14 ….

関係詞節関係詞節関係詞節関係詞節

Relative Clauses

Dr. Nagai who is the author of

the book is often criticized.

Dr. Nagai, who is the author of

the book, is often criticized.

限定限定限定限定とととと非限定非限定非限定非限定：：：：基本的基本的基本的基本的なななな使使使使いいいい分分分分けけけけ

The passengers who were American citizens were all taken off

the plane and arrested.

（アメリカアメリカアメリカアメリカ国籍国籍国籍国籍のののの乗客乗客乗客乗客はみなはみなはみなはみな飛行機飛行機飛行機飛行機からからからから降降降降ろされろされろされろされ、、、、逮捕逮捕逮捕逮捕されたされたされたされた）

というと、降ろされず、逮捕されていない乗客もいたということになるのに対して、カンマ有り

の

The passengers, who were American citizens, were all taken off

the plane and arrested.

は、「乗客乗客乗客乗客はははは（（（（全員全員全員全員アメリカアメリカアメリカアメリカ国籍国籍国籍国籍だったがだったがだったがだったが））））みなみなみなみな飛行機飛行機飛行機飛行機からからからから降降降降ろされろされろされろされ、、、、逮捕逮捕逮捕逮捕されたされたされたされた」ということに

なります。カンマカンマカンマカンマ無無無無ししししで｢乗客の中にいたアメリカ人だけ｣と限定限定限定限定しているしているしているしている英語とは違って、カンカンカンカン

ママママ有有有有りりりりの方は「ちなみに」

といった感じで、乗客について｢みなアメリカ人だった｣という情報を

付け加えているだけで、何の限定限定限定限定もしていないもしていないもしていないもしていないのです。

関係代名詞関係代名詞関係代名詞関係代名詞とそのとそのとそのとそのロジカルロジカルロジカルロジカルなななな世界世界世界世界

制限用法制限用法制限用法制限用法・・・・非制限用法非制限用法非制限用法非制限用法（（（（限定用法限定用法限定用法限定用法・・・・非限定用法非限定用法非限定用法非限定用法））））

とととと教科書教科書教科書教科書にににに見見見見られるられるられるられる教教教教ええええ方方方方（（（（１１１１））））

Alice likes soft drinks. ＋＋＋＋ Soft drinks are sweet.→→→→ Alice likes soft drinks which are sweet.（（（（××××））））（アリスは、甘い味のするソフトドリンクが好きです）

先行詞先行詞先行詞先行詞 ＋＋＋＋ 関係代名詞関係代名詞関係代名詞関係代名詞＋＋＋＋形容詞節形容詞節形容詞節形容詞節

→→→→ Alice likes soft drinks, which are sweet.（（（（○○○○））））先行詞先行詞先行詞先行詞 ＋＋＋＋ コンマコンマコンマコンマ＋＋＋＋ 関係代名詞関係代名詞関係代名詞関係代名詞＋＋＋＋形容詞節形容詞節形容詞節形容詞節

制限用法制限用法制限用法制限用法・・・・非制限用法非制限用法非制限用法非制限用法（（（（限定用法限定用法限定用法限定用法・・・・非限定用法非限定用法非限定用法非限定用法））））

とととと教科書教科書教科書教科書にににに見見見見られるられるられるられる教教教教ええええ方方方方（（（（２２２２））））

Some soft drinks are sweet. ＋＋＋＋ Alice likes soft drinks of that kind.

→ Alice likes soft drinks which are sweet. （（（（○○○○））））（アリスは、甘い味のするソフトドリンクだけだけだけだけが好きです）

先行詞先行詞先行詞先行詞 ＋＋＋＋ 関係代名詞関係代名詞関係代名詞関係代名詞＋＋＋＋形容詞節形容詞節形容詞節形容詞節

冠詞冠詞冠詞冠詞とととと数数数数のののの可能性可能性可能性可能性

The Possibilities for “Pure Countables”:

○○○○ I have found a way to contact her. ○○○○ I have found the way to contact her. ○○○○ I have found ways to contact her. ○○○○ I have found the ways to contact her. ×××× I have found way to contact her.

Nouns that can be used as both “countables” and “uncountables”

a metal 例: Silver is a metal. the metal 例: The metal that she likes most is platinum.metals 例: Platinum, silver, and gold are all metals.the metals 例: The metals that she likes most are platinum, silver,

and gold.metal 例: Almost all of these products contain metal.

時制時制時制時制にににに関関関関するするするする典型的典型的典型的典型的なななな問題問題問題問題

1. Lack of understanding of the present tense with “action verbs” as expressing “habitual, repeated activity.”

Easy to understand: CABARET（『キャバレー』）

SALLY: Maybe you just don't sleep with girls. Oh! You don't!

Not so easy to understand: THE GRADUATE（『卒業』）

MRS. ROBINSON: What do you drink, bourbon?

2. Lack of distinction between past and present perfectThey (have) signed a contract with ....

マークマークマークマーク教授教授教授教授ががががブログブログブログブログでででで質問質問質問質問をををを受付中受付中受付中受付中。。。。

（（（（締切締切締切締切2009年年年年12月月月月31日日日日））））

ごごごご質問質問質問質問ははははEメールメールメールメールでこちらまででこちらまででこちらまででこちらまで。。。。

マーク・ピーターセン著

「日本人の英語」 岩波新書

綿貫 陽 マーク・ピーターセン著

「表現のための実践ロイヤル英文法」 旺文社

例文に使ったオリジナルエッセイの全文は、

アイ・オズモシス、コンテスト公式ブログから

ご覧下さい。

明治大学経済学部教授。アイ・オズモシスのアドバイ

ザー。日本語と英語の深い知識を元に、日本人がお

かしやすい英語の間違いを鋭く指摘する、日本人英

語の権威。ロングセラーの新書「日本人の英語」は日

本人学習者の必読本。また、「表現のための実践ロイ

ヤル英文法」も、文法を本気で学びたい人には必読。

アイアイアイアイ・・・・オズモシスオズモシスオズモシスオズモシス

英語英語英語英語エッセイエッセイエッセイエッセイ・・・・評論評論評論評論コンテストコンテストコンテストコンテスト

2009

アイ・オズモシス英語エッセイ・評論コンテスト2009は、マーク・ピーターセン

教授を審査委員長に迎え、2009年8月～9月の2ヶ月にわたって開催されま

した。今回は、応募総数101作品の中から、審査委員会の投票と、公式ブ

ログで読者投票を行ない優秀作品を決定しました。

あなたのコンテスト2010への参加をお待ちしています。

詳細はブログから。

アイ・オズモシスは、英文ライティング教育専門のオンライン・スクールです。

オンラインの英語ライティング講座やセミナー、英語ライティングコンテスト

やイベントなど、日本人の英語ライティング力向上を目標にさまざまな教育

活動を展開しています。

英文ライティング教育のアイ・オズモシス

Thank you!