The development of behaviour

Bonny Holland

Behaviour Consultant

VT FourS

4 words

Can you describe using only 4 words what attributes or skills your child will need to enable them to make a successful move to secondary school?

Think about this

How do you go about getting another person to change their behaviour if they are……

• Your partner• Your sibling• Your friend• Your colleague• A stranger• A parent

Learning and Behaviour

Stage 1 The Power Stage

Stage 2 The Reward and Punishment Stage

Stage 3 The Approval Stage

Stage 4 The Self-discipline Stage

STAGE 1

Recalcitrant Behaviour

• Reluctant or refuse to follow verbal directions– Establish routines– Visual instructions

• Few of their own rules and inconsistent• Fear of others’ rules and poor comprehension

– Simple rules– Reinforce rules

STAGE 2

Self-serving behaviours

• What’s in it for me? – Establish understanding of

rewards/punishment

• Responsive to environment– Reinforce ‘What’s in it for me?’– Create lists of statements– Control the environment

STAGE 3

Interpersonal/ discipline

• How can I please you?– Cultivate relationships– Develop an explicit and individual teacher

personality for that class

• Approval seeking behaviours– High approval ratio

STAGE 4

Self-disciplined behaviour

• I behave because it is the right thing to– Discuss values– What are the right things to do?

• I judge other people by their behaviour– Consequences of actions– Teach decision making

The story of John in Dilemma Land

John’s wife unfortunately has a terrible life threatening illness. In the next village the pharmacist attends a Medical Conference and learns of a new cure and is able to source a batch of the drugs at a very reasonable price. He offers John the drugs for £2000, which would be a profit for the pharmacist of £1800.

John does not have any savings and as he is unable to raise the money, he pleads with the pharmacist in vain, and finally in desperation breaks into the pharmacy and steals the drugs. Should the husband have done that?

The stickle-bricks problem

I would like you to build a castle together using these stickle-bricks. You have 20 minutes.

4 Stages

Apply the 4 stages to the ’problem’

Stage 1: It’s simple he should go to prison, end of discussion.

Stage 1: The stickle brick castle????? After 5 minutes…………..

Stage 2:

It’s all about the money £££££ and the range of punishments available and what should be done to whom and for how long.

And meanwhile the stickle brick castle, what would the winner get, is it the tallest or the best that matters?

Stage 3:

The wife, the husband, the pharmacist, their motives, their relationships, other’s opinions of them, your opinion of them as individuals……..

Some of them grouped together and …..excluded others…some worked alone.

Stage 4:

What was the right thing to do? Comparable dilemmas, beyond the details, the good of society, the good of the world, how can we solve this dilemma, is it ever solvable, who makes the decision?

And the castle problem……..a negotiation!

Stage 5:

Ethics, spiritual, God? Perhaps it was time for the wife….

Why a castle why not a church or a supermarket, what’s the purpose of the building and is it right to build it? Stickle bricks are made of plastic and should we be using oil based materials?

Moving on a stage

Experiences-accelerate development

Solving a dilemma/problem-accelerates development

Thinking and discussing the dilemma/problem-more acceleration

Reaching a definite conclusion as a group- long term and deep learning

Relationships

• Manage the relationship not the behaviour

• Build the relationship not resentment

• Create positive attitudes not defensiveness

• Model assertiveness not hostility

Stage 1 Approach language

OK so you’ve noticed something…….but is it worth noticing?

Is it a low level infringement?

Is it medium level?

Is it high level misbehaviour?

Is it impacting on relationships or learning?

Task

In pairs discuss typical low level incidents that you might get that would require the you to respond; select one and describe it.

Stage 1 What to say, what to do?

Make a descriptive statement indicating what exactly it is you’ve noticed

Pause for the…..explanation that this approach will lead to

Questions that begin with ‘Why….’ Statements that illicit a defensive reaction Change to your relationship

Stage 1: Stem sentences

″ You are…

″ I see ….

″ We are….

″ I am….

″ You have…

″ The …..

″ It is….

Think of a stem sentence starter to match your incident

Typical responses

Ignoring

Confirmation and self correction

Secondary defensive behaviours

Avoidance behaviours

Distraction behaviours

Low level verbal abuse

Stage 2: Standards and Rules

″ The rule is….″ That is….″ In this session you need to…..″ In this group…..″ In this situation I expect….″ In this house ….″ When.. children must….″ At home children can ….but …

Stage 2: responses

Explanations, persuasive statements

Dismissive language

Dismissive body language

Attempts to involve others, inclusion

Attempts to blame others, deflection

Stage 3 Correction

Advice giving statementsAllow take up time

You need to….. You can either…or… I can ….for you…if you….. Now you should…..

Stage 3 Consequences

Repeat the advice statementsDescribe the response as you see itSimple consequences possibly a diagram

Child responsesIgnoringVerbal abusePhysical abuse of surroundings

Stage 4

Describe preferred futureDescribe future scenariosRe state advice and choices

Significant disruption to others Refusal or inaction and defiance Serious verbal or physical abuse

Why choose to do it this way?

“Young people with poor sequential auditory memory skills.”

They don’t know what to do 10 seconds after you’ve explained it!

“Young people who have dyspraxic features.”

They know what to do but they fail in the carrying out part which causes them frustration.

Why choose to do it this way?

“Young people who have an unbalanced emotional and cognitive profile.”

They are ‘clever’ but are easily irritated and are impatient with a short attention span.

“There is a significant special need.”

They have have trouble writing anything down and are poor readers.

Why choose to do it this way?

“Young people who have a recognised speech and language impairment.”

They misunderstand and get muddled by further explanations.

“They have with poor language and social skills.”

They can have a bad attitude responding to adults correcting them.

In your world

What situations or events during a day can cause distress, upset, frustration, misunderstanding, conflict, worry or offence to members of the team or community and thereby threaten relationships?

Restorative Conference

F

harmed

F

MM

H

B

X

W wrongdoer

What do I need when I’ve been harmed?

• An apology • An empathetic listener• Amends made• The other person to understand what has upset

me• To be respected• To be allowed to have emotion• Support and positive reinforcement• Reassurance it won’t happen again• To draw a line underneath it

What do I need when I have harmed

someone else? • To apologise• Someone to talk to• Time to put things right• To make it up to them• A chance to explain to other person and myself • To feel better about it

and about myself• To be forgiven• To reassure them/myself it won’t happen again• To get back on friendly terms

What do I need when I’ve been harmed?

• An apology • An empathetic listener• Amends made• The other person to

understand what has upset me

• To be respected• To be allowed to have

emotion• Support and positive

reinforcement• Reassurance it won’t

happen again• To draw a line

underneath it

What do I need when I’ve harmed someone else?

• To apologise• Someone to talk to• Time to put things right• To make it up to them• A chance to explain to other

person and myself • To feel better about it and about myself• To be forgiven• To reassure them/myself it

won’t happen again• To get back on friendly

terms

How restorative is your manner?

• Whether you have caused harm or been affected by it your needs are essentially the same – and it’s the same for everyone else – adult or young person!

• Are there opportunities in your work or family for these needs to be addressed and met?

• How can they be addressed and met?

Able to create and model ‘Peace-able solutions to conflict

The challenge – to address conflicts and harmful situations in a way that, at the very least, does not harm relationships, and at best builds and repairs them

Traditional Questions

• What happened? (fact finding)

• Who is to blame?

• What is the appropriate response to deter and possibly punish those at fault, so they will not do the same thing again?

The Five Magic Questions

• What happened?

• What were you thinking?

• How were you feeling?

• Who else has been affected by this?

• What do you need now so that the harm can be repaired ?