Asian Parents vs American Kids--

Asian Parents vs.

American Kids-

-Yie-Wen Yvonne Kuan, Ph.D. Psychologist, Seattle, Bellevue (425) 785-5887

How to Raise a Healthy, Confident Child in a Fast Changing WorldThe focus is actually onBehavioral Management To Help Your Child Gain Life Skills

Compare your child with other childrenAuthoritarianNot allow your child to make decisionMake Empty ThreatsOver-reactionNot keep up the knowledge of the main stream culture

I have made all those mistakes.5CompareGood Intention: to encourage my child follow the good examplePossible Bad Consequences:lack of confidence; only feel good when he/she is winning; thus not feeling secure Authoritarian

Chinese homework cannot write outside the box7My way or highway Not flexible Potential Bad ConsequenceFighting, Power Struggle Lying Afraid of Authority, Timid Becoming a bully

Not allow your child to make his/her decision

Helicopter Parents

Good Intention: To avoid making mistakesPotential Bad Consequence:Dont know how to make a decision when he/ she needs to Lack of confidence in his/her decision making Appear to be indecisive thus not being treated as a leaderMaking Empty Threats Saying something that you cannot follow throughPossible Bad ConsequenceChild not respect you Child not listen to you Over-Reaction Fight the childs fight Sweat over small thingsCrime and Punishment not comparable Kim josund12Possible bad consequencesChild does not want to tell you anything Might as well be more mischievous

Not keep up the knowledge of main stream culture Apply only the home country belief in the new worldNot engage in the community you live in

College application, My client whose parents dont ever mingle with anyone or the one with 1930 dress to Bellevue high school14Possible bad consequenceChild feels like an outsider May not be able to provide the most informed advice to your child when he/she needs it

What Should Parents Do?Not every fight is worth of fighting for Establish good relations with your child Develop your childs resilience Help your child to gain confidence Every Child is DifferentA Goldilocks' Approach

Tell the story17Establish Good Relation With Your Child Why?

So the child will value your opinion and your feeling So you could use your attention as a reward Things you can do to foster the good relations Spend time with your childPlay with the childListen to what he/she has to sayBe fairCrime and punishment should be proportion to each other19Of course, avoid all the mistakes that we just talked aboutUnfortunately, nobody can totally avoids those mistakes!Just try to be aware of those and reminds yourself to do lessHelp Your Child to Develop ResilienceLearn to be positive Allow them to make mistakes (allow is not the same as encourage) Develop Resistance to temptation Four year olds resist temptationExperiment on the four year olds21Be responsible for his/her action* , internal vs external control22Help your child to develop confidenceEncourage your child to tryPraise the effort, not the outcome* , Parents need to be a role model for your child Most common mistakes parents made23Train your child to regulate his/ her emotion

24Learn to identify his /her emotion Accept a childs emotion Train your child to be responsible for his action ,, Learn to make him/herself fee better

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If you have trouble to discipline your child

Compliance Training

Avoid vague and inconsistent instructions Say what you mean Set small, concrete steps Start from simple commandPraise immediately after the child did it

Clean up your room Pick up all the clothes on your bedI want to see the carpet with at least 5X5 spaceNo dishes or cups in your roomAll the clothes were hung or foldedAll the toys are in the toy trunkBooks have to be either at your desk or night standMade your bed on weekends and no school daysWhen giving PunishmentMost important, dont get into power struggleBe specific about the punishmentThe punishment should fit the mis-behavior Dont say much. Too much speech will dilute the power of punishmentSome parents take their children to counseling without setting the punishment for the children. Children would think that counseling is a punishment.31

Points system for reward A Well Adjusted ChildAble to Regulate his/her emotionAble to take care of his/her own business according to his/her ageAble to establish positive, longer term relationship with his people outside the family

Everybody learns differently. Some needs a quiet place without distraction; some needs to have some distraction. Some learn visually, others learn auditory.34Whats Success??

Life does not end at finish high school or college

Stress ManagementSet priorityNot every battle worth of fighting forPractice deep breathingNot schedule too many activities in one dayHave regular schedule