Maraming nagapasaya sa atin,

Mga tao, bagay, pangyayari-

Naga latay-latay sa mga pilapil ng alaala

Kahit gikalimutan na,

Nagabalik-balik.

Pag maalala? Makapa-pikit, makapa-kurog-

Yung kurog pagkatapos mag-ihi

Hindi maintindihan. Hindi mapigilan.

Ganyan ang mga tula dito,

Daw mga litanya ng lasing,

Seryoso man o hindi? totoo man o gawa-gawa lang?

Ikaw na ang bahala.

Basta ako…

Ginapasaya Niya Ako.

Gerald Castillo Galindez is the winner of the 2017 Cotabato Prov-

ince Poetry Contest. He is a graduate of the University of Southern Min-danao in Kabacan, Cotabato Province, and currently teaches at the Senior High School Department of Notre Dame of Tacurong College in Tacu-rong City, Sultan Kudarat Province. He was a fellow for Poetry in the 2018 Davao Writers Workshop.

Copyright © 2018 by Gerald C. Galindez All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, dis-tributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photo-copying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the writer.

geraldc_galindez2@yahoo.com

GINAPASAYA

MO AKO and Other Poems

GERALD CASTILLO GALINDEZ

Ginapasaya Mo Ako

Pink Skies

Mepenamik

Life

Rasputin 500ml

See Satan Smiling

Night Running

Old Church

Grey

Gisulat sa Gilid ng Bangin

Poem

The Tomb is Hard, Cesar is Tired, Pass me the Sledgehammer

Fat Man and Drying Pond

Kabacan Blues

Always, for Victoria, Gerardo, and Hiraya

Acknowledgements

Kabacan Blues first appeared in the Cotabato Literary Journal Old Church and Fat Man and Drying Pond were critiqued in the 2018 Davao Writers Workshop 2018. Nagapasalamat gid ako sa mga tao na naging parte ng zine na ito. ginpasaya niyo ako, Salamat sa mga mego kag mega ko sa SOX writers Association, lalo na kay Xi Xuq, amazing ka/kayo guys! sana maayos na natin ang mga differ-ences natin, Padayon sa pag uswag! Salamat sa family ko na laging umiintindi sa akin. Mahal ko kayo. Nagapasalamat gid ako kay GOD sa lahat. Sorry sa lahat ng naging Filipino teachers ko.

Ginapasaya Mo Ako Lagi.. Kahit hindi ko maintindihan ang ginasabi mo Alam ko na masaya, Grabe kasaya, Sobra pa sa tama ng alak at droga Ganun na klase ng saya. Grabe ka-saya ! lalo na pag nagasayaw ka na Ginatapon-tapon mo ang buhok mo, Pa side-side, pataas, pababa Wag-wag, masarap sa mata– naga pa ikot ikot Ginatapon-tapon mo sa hangin Malambot, Mabango Parang bagong ligo Lahat nagatingin, Lahat nagapansin- Ang balakang. Puta na balakang yan! Patay na patay ako dyan-

Ang sayaw mo, walang katulad Nganga sa kembot ng cha cha cha Gatanggal ang mga problema Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting! Huuu! Hu-Haaa! yung sayaw mo, hindi ko maintindihan pero grabe-kasaya! Hindi maintidihan na klase ng saya. Ginapatigil lahat ng giyera sa loob at labas ng aking katawan Ga-sipa lahat ng kasu-kasuhan, Ga-tugs tugs tugs tugs tugs! Parang buang na budots sa utak , Grabe ka-saya, hindi maintindihan, Kung sana lahat ng tao matuto sa sayaw mo Kung sana lahat manood na lang sayo Magiging tunay na hayahay ang mundo. Sayaw ka pa! sayaw pa! Sige pa!

Pink Skies Pink skies Pink stress Pink work Pink prerequisites Pink skinny jeans passing just before the skies become gray, brewing the shadowy curtains roll down from the heavens, Darkness creeps like a snail with sunburst shell, Lightning flashes. And I feel like dancing under the partying clouds. I was about to, But this girl in black shirt greeted and I smiled back but not too long I can’t contain my partying mind, In the middle of USM avenue- I lost it. I buried my head into the sand Ready to be churned and be turned mud What I knew, What will come? A trillion liquefied ecstasy pills pouring. As I raised my middle finger to self-denial, The built in speakers of my mind started to thump And the street’s heat ascended like smoke.

X. Kaibigan ko ang buwan. Gibantayan niya ako sa aking paglakad sa malungkot na daan. May aso at mga ibon akong kaibigan Tahimik na nagasabay, pagliko sa simbahan. Dahan-dahan lang sa pintuan. Dahan-dahan sa pagtulog.

XI. Nagalutang sa garapon ang nakalabos na katawan Ginaikutan sa ilalim ng isdang maitim, Klaro ang isip sa kwartong madilim, Makaabot sa malayong lugar, Sa mga oras na nangyari at mangyayari Katalas ng utak, nagagawa ng sariling mundo Dati.

XII. Gipabukalan ni Lola ang baka at red beans Gilagyan ng lamas, saluyot— Gitimplahan ng mga bagay ng makapangyarihan Mga bagay na nagabuo ng kalawakan. Bagay na nagpaamo ng mga bulkan— Mga bagay na nagapagaling ng kaluluwa— Ang luto ni Lola, Hindi ko na matitikman.

XIII. Nagaayos ng tambak ang mga tao sa basak Ang iba nagakarga ng sako, Mayrong naga-bike, mayrong naga-hike may mga dalang arado. Galipad, gakalat ang mga dagami, Maingay ang treser simula pa kagabi, Nagasyawer ang mga nakasweter Sa pawis at tahop, Ginahanap ng tiyan ang ininit. At dahan-dahan ginailawan ng araw ang basak. Nagabaga sa likod ng Mount Apo. At lahat ng sungo na nagasupsop sa kanyang suso— Nagagising sa nagasirit na tunog ng takore Nagasabay sa nagakamang na tubig ng basakan, Nagasakay sa sungay ng maputik na nuwang.

VI. Lagi na lang, pag nagasakay sa tricycle na may sound system. Makasuya. *Sad piano music with strings Sometimes we close our eyes and just listen to the echoes of our hearts . . . We all fall in love, and there are times when we love so much that we lose ourselves in our emotions . . . Many of us believe that love is forever, that love never dies, only to be disillusioned in the end . . . There is always a reason why we have to move on. When we have to say goodbye to the feeling we wanted to stay forever, let us not wave our hands with a heavy heart . . . We should be thankful and happy not because we have lost love, but because, for once in our lives, that feeling called love lived in our hearts and made us happy . . . Pagbaba sa Avenue, kalakas ng radyo sa mga boarding house. Makasuya.

VII. “Nobela,” Join the Club, Papunta na sa guitar solo Bagsakan . . . Hindi mo na kailangan ng droga o alak, Nagalaro ang daliri at ilaw, sa sayaw ng tunog Walang problema, walang away, Ginaduyan lang ang lahat ng malungkot at masakit na awit Parang ayaw mo nang matapos.

VIII. Pag naglaki ka sa simbahan, sa sermon ng pastor, Matutunan mo ang sikreto ng pagsilang at kamatayan Matutunan mong makipagkamay habang nagatingin sa mata. Nagasimba pa rin ako sa lumang simbahan Kahit sa panaginip, May mga alaalang hindi madaling malimutan.

IX. “Sige na ba, magsama ka na sa Pisan Cave.” “Sige ngarud. Sino ngay ang kasama natin?” “Si Aila and friends.” “Ah sige. OK! Saan garud tayo magkita-kita?” “Sa crossing lang!” Naghuli kami ng mga pantat sa loob ng kweba. Kinain namin.

Mepenamik Kabango ng nail polish makapa high Makapa-excite Makapa isip ka ng mga bagay-bagay tulad ng Kung paano ginagawa ang raket ng pingpong, Kung bakit kaganda ng mga mensahe ng mga lumang awit sa radio tuwing linggo nagataas, nagababa, may potensyal ako- Naga tulog sa pagpag ng mga panaginip sa umaga. Gunting, stapler, papel, tainga, dila- Laman sa gitna ng daliri, May pontensyal ako, puro, Masarap, masarap- May langaw na hindi makalipad dumaan lang. Siya ang langaw ng kamatayan Hindi ko alam ang ginasabi ko Hindi ko alam Hindi ko ginakalimutan Hindi ko kalimutan Hindi ko kalimutan Paulit-ulit, Ulit-ulit, Ulit-ulit masarap Masarap Grabe kasarap.

Life It was a trap. A suffocating slow burn. The chafe is deep it reached the bone. Chains! Chains rejoice, they violate the flesh Ripped Through, pulled through hooks Of Cocaine wants and Meth needs Time winds as fast as the hooker’s sneeze On rotting heaps of The seared flesh groans Sinking into the boiling sands From our hands that toil We tilled our mothers hearts and sowed ungrateful seeds To the blinding lights, steel and rock We are the oil that lubricates this V-12 Beast.

Ginapatugtog ko ang “MMMBop” ng Hanson pag nandyan si Kuya Jong.

Ginapatugtog ko ang “Name” ng Goo Goo Dolls, paborito ni Ate Leizel.

Ginapatugtog ko ang “Modelong Charing.”

Ginapatugtog ko ang “Antukin” ni Rico, kanta bago ang closing time . . .

Ginapatugtog ko ang “Closing Time” pag magsarado na . . .

At kadami pang ginapatugtog—

Big deal sa akin dati, lalo na yung “Barkado Ko” ng Isla Era—

Yun ang kanta namin,

Ginadaan sa mga lyrics ang mga damdamin.

III.

Kasarap maglakad sa ilalim ng mga kakahuyan ng USM.

Kadami mong maisip, bawat buto ng lawaan na nagahulog,

Parang isip mo, ginalipad ng hangin, nagaikot-ikot, makalingaw.

Kasarap maglakad sa ilalim ng mga kakahuyan ng USM

Lalo na pag naka-earphones ka, ginakanta mo ang lyrics

Naga-concert ka sa utak mo.

“Far Behind” ng Candle Box

Palagi, pag magklase ako sa CAS,

Sa lalamunan lang ang guitar solo.

Pag galing ka ng CED papuntang Men’s Dorm

5 minutes at 34 seconds yan eksakto—

Parang “Vampires Will Never Hurt You” ng MCR.

Ginalakad ko yan, pag nagapraktis ng pingpong

Habang nagahulog ang mga dahon

Habang nagadilim ang hapon.

IV.

Pag gabi

Nagaawas ng ukay-ukay at prutas ang Crossing Avenue,

Parang ilog ng laman, tela, at buto.

Nagabanggaan ang siko.

Maamoy mo ang hininga.

Malingaw ka sa mga ginasabi.

Malumos ka sa ingay.

Ma-high ka sa amoy.

V.

Patil ang buhay,

Buhay ang patil.

Kabacan Blues

I.

Grabe kasilaw ang araw na nagalabas dahan-dahan—

Nagabaga sa likod ng Mount Apo—

Ginailawan ang malawak na basakan na ginto.

At lahat ng sungo na nagasupsop sa kanyang suso—

Nagagising sa nagasirit na tunog ng takore

Nagasabay sa nagakamang na tubig ng basakan.

II.

Ginapatugtog namin ang Chinese music bago mag-open ang Cybernet.

Nagapasok ang mga tao at magsabi sila ng “Open time, kuya.” Mag-nod ako.

Hawak ko ang kontrol, ako ang hari, isang klik lang,

Sendan ko ng warning message ang mga naganood ng porn, matakot sila.

Awtomatik, ako din ang DJ.

Pag ginapatugtog ko ang Gregorian chants at Enya, masaya-ah, pero magreklamo man

sila.

Pag ginapatugtog ko ang Slayer at Pantera, masaya-ah, pero magreklamo man din sila.

Pag ginapatugtog ko ang April Boy at Willie Revillame, ayos-ah, pero magreklamo pa

din man sila—

Sabihin nila, “Ano ngay yan, pang-weirdo man, yung uso ah, koya.” Take note, koya.

Pag tanghali, maraming tao, gusto nila ’90s, tunog kalye.

Kaya ginapatugtog ko ang Eheads at Rivermaya, ganun gud!

Ala-una hanggang alas-tres

Ginapatugtog ko ang “Beautiful Girl” ni Jose Mari Chan pag nagpasok si crush, si Moan.

Ginapatugtog ko ang “Ulan” ng Rivermaya o “Buhos ng Ulan” ni Regine pag nagaulan.

Ginapatugtog ko ang “We are the Champions” ng Queen pag nanalo sa pustahan ng

Dota sila Ipo.

Ginapatugtog ko ang “Gitara” ng PNE pag nagpasok si Krabby Patty.

Ginapatugtog ko ang “Selling the Drama” ng Live pag nagpasok si Kuya Butch o si Kuya

Coi.

Ginapatugtog ko ang Saosin, Hawthorne Heights, The Used pag nandyan sila Elp et al.

Rasputin 500ml Unahin ilagay ang Cervesa Negra – madami- halos kalahati Lagyan ng isang kutsara ng kalibogan, Tapos - Isang kurot na gipulbos na katarantaduhan, Tapos - Tatlong kutsara ng grabe kalakas at purong-purong pagkamuhi Dalawa at kalahating kutsarita ng kalungkutan. Isang patak ng suka. Isang patak ng suka. Tatlong Butil ng tumigas na luha. Limampung mililitro ng pinag halong galit, dalamhati at tawa. Tapos na! Kampay! Itong matingkad na dilaw na inumin Ginatanggal lahat ng kutsilyong nakasaksak, Sa mga sagradong parte ng katawan! Ginatunaw ang kumukulong Asoge sa dibdib. Isa para sa mundo! Isa pa para sa aking mahal!

See Satan Smiling Someone somewhere sniffing something smiles. Sinners swim swiftly singing septic songs, Swingers swing swallowing slippery semen. Savor soft shit scented superficial sayings, Saints sin sometimes, somewhere Stone statues stay State serpents stay Sacred serpents stay Sacred saints share shabby sermons Shabby sermons share sacred saints Superficial supermen say secondhand soliloquys Soldier shatters son’s Shoulder smiles Sanity strayed Showoff stupid scatterbrains scour Stupid Statesmen shoot sweet sour spit Stealthy snakes slither Satan’s snakes Swallow shallow souls Sleep steal silence Sharks swarm Shifting shapes Slimming syrup sells Sell slimming syrup Sell skimpy shorts Skimpy shorts show scabs Slutty sluts share slimy sex Streets support swinging sex Sex sells Sticky skin, shaking sofa Sharing sexual sickness stinging sores Sexual sickness stay Sticky skin, shaking sofa Sharing sexual sickness

Fat Man and Drying Pond Mercy for our gasping gills- We’re disowned by the rain, In vain Fat man, Sprinkle some love into our mucked fins Just a little lick of liquid life Our younglings dried for the flies And our scales turn opaque - As we are baked in mud we commune in death Mercy for our gasping gills Strike the broken ground for spring to flow, In puddles of death, free us. The sky has cursed our ponds to dry Please don’t curse us too If you will take our forms for food We’re glad to offer you Just let us breathe In water clean For an hour or two,

********* Poor fish, Meshed in blackening pond weeds, I cannot take you as my food, Your septic flesh is searing now I’ll be dead before I chew Your sick fins chucked some stinky muck onto my lips Your brood lay drying closing to dying As I held you in the under the sun. Your jady color disappears But fish, I tell you this - More cursed than you know. This heaping fat is sucking dry my heart and inner core I’ve not shown love, Not even to my own, I’ve been to hopeless wars And did my time

Burying bodies during storms

The Tomb is Hard, Cesar is Tired, Pass me the Sledgehammer Through sad plains and barren faces Through soft, dreadful clouds wings flutter Through complex codes, After forests, Swaying roads, Golden beds of grain, Indifference sets in like a virgin touch of rain after drought.. Old houses great cast their gaze as I pass by the olden roads of “Ente” The Black clad ranger of Sapngan, legend of Bulusan. Whose past I know nothing of Except his death and his son, my father. Bulos. overflowing. Rivers perpetual. Still Silent streams and violent shores Knock on hidden and enchanted doors In my mind,

On a cliff overlooking the municipio Those strong arms held the 2nd born And whispered lullabies that moved the grounds of the seas. Murmurings that seem to travel far More than a thousand miles Hundred thousand hours Hundred million seconds back As ghostly orations graze my floating mind. Now that I home at last I will dig my household’s past On a lonely tomb beside the sea Written on his bronze headstone. Screaming in his bronze headstone.

Society sleeps Societal sanity shrinks Society sins Sinner society songs, Sorrowful songs, Somber sobs. Sucking souls Sucking sex See satan smiling See Smiling satan

Night Running Dark roads purge confusions that linger and burn into our calloused hearts. Dark roads take away the loneliness, a hint, A hue of hopelessness. Our strides abandon fear- We burn our legs with bluish flames- Flowing from our radiating frames We train our wings to take the air So when we’re off the ground We feel like Perseus and that old horse Pegasus chasing ghosts. There’ll be no despair, no worries, We leave behind Scylla and Charybdis Were lost in time, Headlights fast-forward streaking, Vapors of sickness fizzle away into the sky. Deep breaths tied to the cadence of our singing hearts. Our sweat turns into sweet crystalline drops, Sparkling with the moons reflection Rubbers grind against the road Making symphonic sounds.

Poem Grey daylight revolves around a black sunday I enter the part Where the people stand up and shake hands It does not last long. Unfamiliar faces reflected in the puddles after the rain, they do not know. The way I see the beauty of a poem, The way it nullifies the grime on unseen fragments, Like the moss-laden gutters of a heart mute. The birds in different voices sing, I think of dueling violins The melody resembles a million cheer for a broken ear, knuckle Smeared with blood and sweat. Grey daylight revolves around another black Sunday, And I feel forsaken like Christ who cried. I fed the beggars of the streets to see beauty- a poem , a state of mind, flying to paradise Feed a hungry self. A mirror always on the ceiling. I wake to go back to sleep and Feel the dreams, blank. This is how the poem writes itself on the innocent piece of paper.

Old Church You were never demolished, Your posts are planted deep into this heart- Immovable- Foundation as thick as Puma Punku blocks. I bring you with me like a burning birthmark persistent In solitude and desolations I seek for your strong doors. Your smell of dark fragrant moss and earth alive Like flowers of your grounds of rest and frolic and peace twisting on your iron gates. Your trees I took them they stand like royal guards Listening to countless pastor screams and prayer. Humming melodies of John and Charles up until dark. We were your little children always singing in the middle of services, saying bible verses like Matthew 5 verse 5 “blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth”. We ate your hosts and drank your juice behind your lighted cruciform. As I take my verses in other churches Your bells still toll Even when I pass by your new face I still feel your ghost- Your hallowed hall where the bats sleep, The nests of birds you keep, All are holy on your ceiling, Holy on the wood wormed pews And elders, they're like embers burning, I kept them in, Their shadowy smiles linger on Old Church! I seek for you in the darkest night falls, I longed for you in my rest Let me rest in the afternoons where the light enfolds you

Grey There is nothing to write about. The mind is cloudy like today, Eyes unclear and moist like the window panes Both gaze upon the sunless sky With thoughts drowned of last night’s gin. The grey heavens are easier to look at When there is nothing to write about except the nothingness prevailing. An art reliant on time and experience It laments in fated lethargy. Dragonflies are mere dragonflies Hovering on the grey heavens Flowers plainly flowers Ignored by the grey heavens Poets are mere humans Tired below the grey heavens And all the things literal Common, dead, nothing When there is nothing to write about except nothingness.

Gisulat sa Gilid ng Bangin Sa totoo lang- Gusto ko maging aswang, Maglipad-lipad sa mga bundok- Sa ulap maglutang-lutang Sa malalalim na bangin ako magtingin-tingin- Tikman ang lamig na hamog at hangin Gusto ko pag gabi walang bituin Yung naga taligsik, yung grabe katahimik sa maitim na ulap- Ako mag ikot-ikot, mag laag-laag- tignan kung paano ginabuo ang kidlat. Pag ako naging aswang- Hindi na ako magutom, madaming pagkain, Wala ng problema na ginaisip- madaming kasama, mainit, masaya, nagakanta-kanta, nagatula-tula sa usok at apoy naglakad-lakad sa ulap, nagatawa-tawa, parang walang mga problema. Gusto ko maging aswang, Kadami kong magawa, makabasa ng isip, Mawala sa hangin, maging usok, maging hayop, Maging tatak sa mga bata ng baryo, Hindi na magtanda- laging makinis ang mukha. Gusto ko na maging aswang, Ngayon na! hindi na ako makahintay. Gusto ko na makakain ng atay Nagagana na ang bato, nagapula na ang mata ko Maging aswang na ako! Magtalon ako sa bangin ngayon Walang makaalam, Walang makahanap ng aking katawan, Mawasak, madirder- Sipsipin ng lupa ang dugo.