Desert Rose

Desert Rose Masoom Tulsiani


Desert Rose “Inta Hayati, Inta Habibi”

Masoom Tulsiani


About the Author:

Masoom Tulsiani, is eighteen and has lived in Saudi-Arabia, Doha and Dubai before moving to Mumbai. He is pursuing his diploma engineering in Computer Technology from VES Polytechnic, Mumbai and aspires to become a software engineer.

Apart from being an avid blogger, he has also been a part of the college editorial team of Education Times and CG Plus.


He also has done freelance writing assignments for academic firms.

His Novel “Desert Rose” is a tribute to his love, and his fascination for Arabia.

He can be contacted at [email protected].

Desert Rose was first uploaded in ifiwereabook.com on November 15th’ 2007.

‘Desert Rose’ shares it’s name with the popular Song by Sting.

All characters, names, locations and events mentioned in this book are purely a work of fiction and any resemblance to any person living or dead will purely be a co-incidence.

Cover design: Masoom Tulsiani

Official Homepage: www.desertrose.blogspot.com

Typeset in 12pt. by Masoom Tulsiani at Mumbai.

mailto:[email protected]


All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic,mechanical,photocopying,recording or otherwise without the prior written permission of the Author.Copyright 2007.

Dedicated To

“Someday when the pages of my life end, and I turn them over you will be the most beautiful chapter” Dedicated to my dearest love. Wherever you are, I hope you are happy and blossoming like the desert rose. I hope you read this book one day. True love forgives And, I forgive you. No one will ever be able to make me feel, the way you made me feel that winter. I will always love you like the desert love’s the rain. The moments we spent, will be engraved in my heart forever.

Above all, this book is dedicated to millions of souls who have lost someone special in their life. It’s true love happens only once, the rest is life.

Masoom Tulsiani


Acknowledgements

I’m grateful to my parents and friends for the unflinching support they have always provided me to chase my maverick aspirations and my brother, Saagar who has never believed I could actually write, and who experiences immense joy in being my worst critic.

I am also grateful to Vikram Singh Chauhan, the founder of ifiwereabook.com, who gave me a chance to upload my book online.

Author’s Note:-

I got inspired by the song Desert Rose, and most of the book has been written while traveling to dubai.

“My dearest Jane, I miss you my baby as always do but today it is different because it’s winter and they are playing our favorite song.”

You will never understandYou will never seeMy true love


That was once before thee.

You let me goNever loved me true.Hell's ashes may snow...But, you will always be my desert rose:

Where pure love's "Sweetness" blooms in the midst of the desert.....”- Masoom Tulsiani~

Synopsis

Desert Rose “Inta Hayati, Inta Habibi” (You are my love, my life)Set amid the austere beauty of true love in the backdrops of Arabia.

A guy brought up and born in the middle-east who yearned for true love. He never thought that his life would change so soon. Until one day on a winter morning, Miss Jane, a high school sweetheart falls in love with him. They believe in full conviction that they have a future together. Times fly by, and before they could realize what was happening, Miss Jane shifts to Arabia, leaving behind all the promises behind. As distance and time drifts them apart, he finds himself in a state of lovelorn tenor. His love turns unrequited.

On losing his beloved, he embarks upon a journey to get back his true love. This voyage in turn, leads to a discovery of his own self. He yearns to return to his birth land to unfurl the mysteries of love and life. He comes across a Desert Rose which inspires him to dream.

On this time odyssey, he struggles to find his own way back into the heart of the woman he adores, his book is the only way he can express his underlying love for her.


Discover the quaint, romantic fairy tale that blossoms into an immortal love story. Discover an innocent love story, the story of Rocky and Jane. Like any other love story, it is rooted in tragedy. Discover a love lost in the deserts and challenged by the mystery that surrounds it. Discover the enigmatic voyage that estranged two high school sweethearts.

Will time bind their repugnant souls? Will his quest help him to find his lost love?

Desert Rose “Inta Hayati, Inta Habibi”


Masoom Tulsiani

Desert RoseBy Masoom Tulsiani


Chapter 1

A storm of air sweeps along the lonesome sands. Beneath, this parched, silent storm a cry, a voice continually calls out from the desert:

“Heal me from this pain, Quench my burning thirst.”

Every desert in this silent land is an orphaned beach, jinxed by heavenly forces to be empty forever and abandoned long ago by ancient seas. These thirsty sands that still dream of ocean embraces. These sands which are a witness to immortal love fables, buried deep inside this land. Once in eons, an oasis appears, springing up fast. But these sources never last.

Lovers bloom and drift apart in this arid desert sand, and all that remains is ashes of time. Wearied by the smothering comforts of abundance, the gasping soul finds a refuge, a peace, a joy in the desolate path of divine love.

In this whirlwind of sand, a soul is wandering all alone, trying to find his soul. The sand blows, stealing his soul, scorching his body and tearing his heart.

Eclipsed by a blinding vision of true love. He sees what no eyes can see; He hears what no ear can hear. In the startling momentary glimpse of love, he changes from a marauding crusader to a helpless lover. He glimpses behind the veil of creation and beholds a love so real, so unconditional, so beautiful, so true and innocent, that he forgets everything except this love. This love sustains him and completes him.

The crimson sun burns down his body with blazing heat; the sands of the desert chafe his skin and scorch his bare feet. The wind blowing in the opposite direction makes it more difficult for him to move on. Sand continues to sink him inside.

Cursed by life, Jinxed by bad luck and deceived by the circumstances, he continues to embark on this enigmatic voyage. He doesn’t know, where this journey will take him.


This emptiness can kill him, and even give him solace. A war for survival engulfs in this land. He wants to live alone, and kindle love’s fire in this desert sand, with the twigs of a simple life.

In this deserted land, he tries to find his way. A journey alone through the rock and sand... He tries to find his answers through these golden swirls.. What is it so special about this land that continues to inspire poets from ages? The mystery of the golden sands, continue to captivate him.

As the pain runs through his hand, sending a bolt of shiver down his spine. The scorching hear makes him thirsty. The sun stroking over his head, makes him feel dizzy. The storm cries in pain, signaling an end of this journey. He ambles along, to quench his thirst and comes along a ‘Desert Rose’ who is dry and weak, and waiting for the water so that it can blush red with life. It hasn’t given up his hope of living in this arid land, it has dreamed of rains in the desert, a silent wish of an Oasis to quench his thirst forever. He is happy to drink from the waters of sorrow. Till then, this dry sand continues to be its oasis.

He sees a Bedouin girl, walking towards him. Dressed in maroon, and a scarf complementing the garment. The garment was long and ample, and richly embellished with embroidery. The thin scarf draped around the head and the veil covered her face. She was wearing a hat, which was elegant and added to the mystic charm. From, where he was standing, he could only see those beautiful eyes highlighted, which looked so similar. Her eyes full of innocence, so subtle, cool and calm, contradicting to the hot weather around. Her hair was hennaed which glistened like a star. The girl pulled her long hair out from under the veil to frame her face. And when she revealed her face, the mystic deepened. The face that hounded him in his dreams, the face that was the only reason he breathed. He could see his chimera, in front of him. The thought that provoked a thousand cries, and thousand answers left unsaid.

She was carrying the pot with the sacred water, drawn from the oasis. The sacred water that could revive him back to life. At that moment, he didn’t realize whether he was more thirsty to quench his thirst, or thirsty to see her. All he could see was that girl which could quench his thirst for love forever. His body yearned to follow her, His soul needed to be with her, his heart longed to join her. At that moment, he didn’t realize whether he was more thirsty to quench his thirst or thirsty to see her. He started moving towards her.

As he moved closer, the image started fading. Within moments, the Bedouin girl vanished. It was just a utopia, of his mind or


maybe she really existed. He followed her shadow, but all he could find was the pot containing the sacred water. With desperation, he takes the pot and quenches his burning lips crying with thirst.

Keeping a little water for the desert rose plant, he walks back. On his way, he finds the track of her footsteps. He moves back to the plant, and sprinkles the sacred water to bring back the plant in life. His heart cries a desire “I will makes the rose bloom in the desert, I will dream of the rains. “

Seeing a camel ambling along the desert, barely some meters away, gave him the feeling his messenger had arrived. He takes a handful of sand, and as he lets them go, some memories slip away. He leaves these sands behind and some ashes of love…The wind continues whistling down the dunes and a hand waves him from a distance, which reminds him that his journey is not over, he has to return back one day to flee her from this land. He has to find his love lost in the deserts. Taking the last look at the desert, he hops on to the camel and rides away back to his land, the place where his destiny awaits…

Chapter 2The Sounds of Silence


I sit on the banks of the red sea, which divides Saudi Arabia And Egypt. I remember when I was young, I use to come here at the same place and sit for hours. And when the child in me has grown, I am still alone and seek solace on these banks. The Sea has its own share of mystical legends, which stands testimony to the elegant Arabic culture and heritage. The sea is also a habitat of coral reefs and other ocean wealth. The Bedouins didn’t call Arabia,” Rub Al-kahali”, or Empty Quarter, for nothing. Here the life moves in time with the past.

As I walk on the banks of the red sea in Yanbu, I come to terms with the time I spent in the desert. The memories of the times spent in the desert are confused and vague. I know that I almost died, but don’t know what revived me back into life. I still remember, how my love turned to dust and settled in the sands.

The desert is a home to the cactus, mosses and other shrubs. But that “desert rose” plant in the midst of the desert captivated my attention. I try to understand, why that weak “desert rose” plant inspired me . When I had given up my hope, it made me dream. The plant dreams about miracles, about rains in the desert. It still lives on a hope, that is bleak. Albeit, it waits for years to rain, but the wait is all worth it. The desert rose loves the rains, and it always will.

When we are lost, we make our own desert inside ourselves . There are times when we aren't sure which way to go, which path to seek and how to move on. There are times when a person feels he is so alone which sadness him and breaks him into pieces. He feels he is all alone in a huge desert,


The desert rains, have it’s own tales to tell. The rain has so drained us that we are too weak to try and impress him. We cannot perform amazing feats of prayer and fasting. Even if we pledge to “Ramazan” for the whole year, the deserts won’t change it’s nature. It is firm like a rock and won’t budge to the mercy prayers. We cannot muster the strength to stand tall and go charging forth as a valiant warrior. Instead, like a mumbling drunk or a dying Savior, we simply cry out, “I thirst.” And the rain comes and satisfies our thirst with a spring of love that knows no bounds.

Yet sometimes the deep longing throbs loud enough to wake us up and remind us of our soul parching thirst for the fountain of divine love. Desert is a home for All who are weary,All who are thirsty,All who are crushed,All who are defeated, All who have given up all hope,All who are needy,All who seek solace.

“In the Desert of the heart, Let the healing start.”The desert is a home for all the wandering souls, and who are seeking love that sustains. The emptiness that straddles the desert, is a natural wonderland whose undulations swallow all sense of sound. Perhaps the desert will always be the same, mysterious lonely land.”

I try to listen to the sound of the water as a lone crimson bird flies over the sea. I throw a pebble inside the water, and watch the ripples.I ponder what my love is doing miles away, maybe thinking of me.

I wonder, why she left me without any trace. Perhaps, she wanted me to decipher her silence. I continue to remain silent, and hear the whisper of the winds and the sea. “No sound in this world can be more louder than silence & if someone can’t understand your silence, they can never understand your words.” These thoughts kept echoing in my minds, and I knew I had to decipher her silence.

As dawn turns to dusk, I am left wondering how I will pen down these thoughts, the story of Jane and me and the winter we spent. I don’t know where my quest will end. It sounds like a long way to go for a lot of nothing, But that’s the point. There were so many things that I wanted to tell her. My hands are freezing, and my legs are numb.


With a hope, that she might read my book some day, I take out my diary, and start writing. I write down the first few words, “Inta Hayati, Inta Habibi” which means you are my love, my life. Every word which I write, are words left untold . I sit on the banks of the red sea and watch the sunset . I see the sky slowly changing color , from blue to reddish yellow of the dusk. The sun sinks, and so does my heart.

Chapter 3There is no one to stir my coffee


"Drink to me with your eyes alone … And if you will, take the cup to your lips and fill it with kisses, and give it so to me."--Flavius Philostratu

I head to Starbucks, the coffee shop in Bur Juman., Dubai. There is something about the ambience, the combination of caffeine, coffee aromas, and their typical Starbuck roast as they call it.I am a coffee addict and whenever I pass near Starbucks, I never miss an opportunity to have a cup of “Qahwa”. And who would, when you get to see a glimpse of the cute Arabic chicks.

For a change, I am sitting alone , reading one of Paulo Coelho’s books.This place really rejuvenates me. “ One frappuccino please, I tell the guy on the counter.” Frappuccino is a type of fresh espresso, with sugar, cocoa powder and milk. “Anything else sir,” he asks calmly. “No thanks.”

There is no one to stir my coffee, There is no one to take that first sip. I see some teens of my age, on the coffee tables near by. Hiding from their parents and coming on a coffee date, can be an exciting feeling!! They look so innocent, so madly in love, unaware of the world around them. Is this true love? Or is this just a passing fancy. I guess they are just trying to live that moment, That’s something which I never did.

This place looks like a love den, with so many couples visiting this place everyday. Turning to my right, I saw a couple, in their early twenties. There were tears in the guy’s eyes, it seemed to me that it


was their last meet. Holding each other’s hands, it was time for them to bid adieu.I could view both the sides of love, from the opposite sides of my table. I wonder what this place must have witnessed all these years. So many coffee dates, so many break ups. Like they always say, coffee and conversations...! It’s so strange, I come to terms with the real myth of life. “Love starts with a smile, and ends with a tear.”

Enrique’s latest ping pong song “do you know” plays in the background. I hear Enrique singing “do you know seeing your face no longer on my pillow.” The song was enough to make me feel nostalgic.

I go back to time. The coffee shops in our area, where we always use to go. She, sitting beside me, stirring my coffee. As always ,I tell her to take that first sip. It was a customary ritual, we followed.

I stare at her for a fleeting minute. The way she used to add that sugar into my coffee each time. It was such a sweet gesture.

“Are you checking out my home making skills” she smiles.

“Ya, I am just trying to see the future, when I come back from work and you will be making the coffee for me.”

“I won’t , we will be having servants.” she said bursting out in laughter.”

“It still doesn’t taste good, Perhaps I need some sugar.” I wickedly say.

“You want me to add some more” she says.

“No baby, I want you to take that first sip.” I smile all in love.

She holds the cup in her hand and takes that magical first sip.The hot coffee touches her cold lips.

“How does the coffee taste now.” She blushes.

The cup enticed my lips, and the color of the coffee turned deep brown, symbolizing our love which was so true and deep.

At that moment, I felt I was so lucky to, have her in my life.

I had the world in my arms, and her love on my lips. I prolonged the first sip, and whispered “Just Perfect.”


“I know, I have that effect on things.” She said

“I hope I don’t transform into a vampire.”

For a moment, I thought that she was really sitting next to me.But it was just an illusion. She was miles away, Maybe thinking about me at that moment…The cup did not entice my lips, this time. It was bitter, and full of pain. I sip the coffee, but it didn’t taste the same…Perhaps it never will……again.

I continue listening to the song by Enrique. “Do you know, what it feels like loving someone who seems in a rush to throw you away,Do you know what it feels like ,being the last one To know that lock in the door has changed.”

Chapter 4Walking down these empty streets…..


May 2007

“I walk a lonely roadThe only one that I have ever knownDon't know where it goesBut it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty streetOn the Boulevard of Broken DreamsWhere the city sleepsand I'm the only one and I walk alone” - GreenDay

The summer may have set but here in my heart, the temperature was still rising. “How do I end up here”. I asked myself. About a month back I was the happiest guy in this world with my girl by my side and life could not have been better. But now I ended up here with my life taking a new turn. My life is just incomplete without her. I have been gripped with a feeling of loneliness and this feeling kills me. “What went wrong?” is the Question which has been haunting me all these weeks. In retrospect, I realized that life is a mystery. I am still trying to discover the gospel of love. A boy meets a girl, sparks fly….They are engulfed in weird sensations, goose bumps, butterflies in their stomachs. They walk hand in hand, unaware of the world around them. When they are together everything is a dream, they can conquer just about anything. When they are apart, life seems unbearable. Is this true love? Or is this a passing fancy? How do two souls attract, share a love that defies everything…


I think of this, as I take a stroll, in the gardens of Eden trying to recall the days, when our souls met. Those days passed like ghosts and disappeared like passing clouds, and before I could realize what was going on, she had already left leaving behind those sorrowful memories. I kept on walking; the beauty of the nature looked so deceptive. I recall, a quote in the walk to remember by Nicholas spark. "Our love is like the wind. I can't see it, but I can feel it.” It was so true, I just need to close my eyes, and there I was singing the songs of love again, I felt her presence all over the ‘Jannah’. On this time odyssey, I have realized that it’s not easy to end this love. I really feel for her and I can do anything just to be with her. I keep on giving myself these false promises that our love will stand this test of time. That one day we will find a way. For me we are just physically apart. She will always be there in my heart, no matter where she is.

I think of you when they play our favorite songs. Everything reminds me of you. Like when I hear Babyface.

“ I still feel your touch in my dreams I still hear your laugh when you are not next to me. I still see you in these empty streets “

One month down the line. Here I am walking down this street, thinking about the mysterious circumstances in which my girl disappeared. It’s a beautiful day outside. It had rained last night. I stare at a girl walking down the streets. She makes me remind of a girl I knew. She looks likes her, she even smiles just the way she use to. I keep walking down the memory lane. People smile, the traffic flows freely everything seems to be in order except that none of them realize the pain I’m in. They should all be sad, sympathetic for me. After all I have lost the true meaning of my life. I have lost my beloved, and I don’t even know whether I will get to see her again.

I was still in agony and with a pain that bosomed deep inside my heart. I head my way to her block and pass her door, a few times. The block which is filled with poignant memories of her. I use to meet her at the same place everyday. But now the lights were off, and it was all dark. I try to see her on the window. At one instance, I even thought she was standing there, waving at me but later realized it was just an utopia. She had gone far away, miles away from this place, and forever from my life. It was hard to believe that, I was all alone and how these few months had changed my life. The winds are blowing, and changing their course…Perhaps, they were indicating my transition of life. I recall the last time, I was a victim of the storm, when the winds blew and I


had to choose whom I love and whom to let go. And, now when I look back over my decision, I can see I was so wrong. I loved a girl who was not destined to be mine. There was a reason she was in my life, and one day she had to go.

I feel so nostalgic. Those sleepless nights, beautiful moments shared together. It has been a month, and I haven’t heard anything about her. All I know is that she is somewhere in Arabia. I am trying so hard to get in touch with her. My cellphone! I take it out of my pocket and immediately turn it on, it rings several times, and each time my heart thumps. Whenever I hear the message tone, I hope it’s her But it is someone else. I keep on checking my inbox, thinking you might message me from somewhere. It’s hard to explain the joy when she messages and I see my screen glowing up with her contact picture. I no longer feel elated, and I don’t have anyone to love.

I decide to remain alone. Listen to songs, Read a novel by Nicholas Spark and try to keep myself busy. I go to the Café nearby, choose a table, plug in my Apple ipod and look at the couples nearby. They are so happy. Wish she was here by my side. Everything reminds me of her. I really pray for a miracle to happen, So that I can stay with her.

This song by no mercy, is really close to my heart. It depicts the way I feel..

“I am walking down your street againPass your doorBut you don’t live there anymoreIts years since you’ ve been thereAnd now you’ve disappeared somewhere”

Jannah - Garden

Chapter 5


I’m gonna find another you

“It's really over, you made your stand You got me crying, as was your plan But when my loneliness is through, i'm gonna find another you

You take your sweaters You take your time You might have your reasons but you will never have my rhymeI'm gonna sing my way away from blue I'm gonna find another you

When i was your lover No one else would do If i'm forced to find another i hope she looks like you “ - John Mayer

I sit on the terrace and look back over my life, the same place where I use to go whenever I was alone. One direction faced the magical garden of Edens and the other side faced her building. The


fourteenth storey where my witch use to stay, was clearly visible from there. I remember, the time when we just started speaking, I use to message her from the terrace. I use to come at the same place, and sit for hours together. Thinking in retrospect, I wonder, what was my life was like some years ago. A young innocent guy brought up and born in the middle-east, unaware of the brutal world around him. He had a different perception of life, which was often veritable. He yearned for true love. Always believed in angels, but never thought that his destiny was so sweet. He never thought that his life would change so soon.

“When you are a child you have images....dreams...about pretty things fluttering down from heaven....with a cool, contended look...having a mystical charm. blessed with beauty and aura all around them....so did I....but when the child in me had grown...the dreams and images shattered...but wait....until she came in my life...like something I have never "FELT" before...suddenly it all came back...the visons..the ecstasy of being a child again....the innocence...the beauty...everything...all because of one person...One seldom in life comes across a people who give u such inspiration with such ease. she was the girl who inspired me to dream. Dream again...dream again about ANGELS .“ Four months down the line, I am all alone ,lost in the ashes of time. On this time odyssey, I discovered my inner soul. I am living the same day, repeating the same words. I dwell in the memories of time. I am trying to justify what went wrong, what really happened. I spend days and nights reviewing every moment spent by her side. The more I analyze, the more I get engrossed in the mysteries of life. I still try to decipher those mystical circumstances. How hard I persuaded her to come back, the more I tried, the more I hurt myself. “Love, why does it hurt? Why does it pain?” I ask myself.My heart secretly answers, maybe because we love someone too much and too deep that sometimes we forget to keep little for ourselves.”

I am not able to pull my thoughts together. I write a poem and another, still I am not able to express my feelings. How hard I feel, without her. They say, “time can heal that pain”, but why is time acting as a catalyst to my pain. Why do I get this choking sensation whenever I think about her? This emptiness prevails me and sadness fills my heart.

I am trying to fight with my self, trying to fake a smile, but deep inside I know I can’t forget her. I am tired of the battle I am waging with my heart. I am losing my sleep over her, turning into an insomniac. My memory is confused and vague. How can I forget my


love, the moments we have spent together? All of a sudden, everything the future looks so bleak. I don’t have a vision…I don’t know where’s my life heading.

I am here all alone in this dark and lonely night…with no one to wipe my tears.! It is midnight, the stars are shining, and everything is so right. But I am still trying to find the moonlight.

I sit by my window in the night , and try to revive my memories in the moonlight. Those days were the days when I had your love and care; when all my happiness, sadness you shared. Those days were the days when you were with me in everything I did, everywhere I went to, and every dream I wished for. Those days were the days when every of your smile, your look, your thought were only for me. On those days, I just breathed for your love. I could face any difficulty and overcome any obstacle. Nothing seemed impossible to do since you were there with me, holding my hand tightly. Even if the world turned around against me, I knew I had someone whom I could share my feelings. Each and every day we spent together, were like a year of love. On those days, I was so proud and blessed because I was loved by someone, the most precious gift that God had sent me! The gift that I couldn’t treasure it all my life….

When John Mayer said “ I am gonna find another you.”, he must have meant a thousand words. For a moment, I savor the idea of falling in love again. I want to believe that it is so beautiful falling in love. I want to pretend, that everything is all right. My heart might be bruised, but it will recover. I needed someone to mend my heart, and help me to drift away from my past. “Love returns, in the form of new hopes, new dreams, new girl.”I try to convince myself, I might get another angel, who smiles like you. I am trying to find you in every girl that I meet. But no one is able to make me feel the way you made me feel that winter.

“When someone leaves, it’s because someone else is about to arrive”. I am not waiting for that special person. Intact, I am scared to fall in love again. Love starts with a smile, and ends in tears…I am scared, I will never be able to love again. Sometimes, you can’t deceive yourself. I have to live this way; I have to walk with her shadow. These tears say it all, Life is not going to be the same again.

So now, I am gonna find another you, a witch who breaks my heart just the way you did, who plays with my heart just the way you did.


“So go on baby playing with meMake your little get away My pride will keep me company And you just gave yours all away Oh, now i'm gonna dress myself for two Once for me and once for someone new I'm gonna do some things you wouldn't let me do Oh i'm gonna find another you ”

So now, I’m gonna find another you…………

Chapter 6“When the stars go blue!”


Nov 9th 2007

“Where do you go when you’re lonely?Where do you go when you’re blue?Where do you go when you’re lonely? I’ll follow youWhen the stars go blueWhen the stars go blue”

- Tyler Hilton

Now it is November, it’s time for the festival of ‘Noor’, and the glowing “diyas” to sparkle in the night. It’s that time of the year, when the city illuminates with lights. The air round this season is full of zest. The city is sparkling with lights. But the flames of this light, burn my heart inside. This light is supposed to enlighten the souls, but it is all dark.

This festival bring with it, sweeping memories of your lightning smile and how you brightened my life by just being a part of it, by sharing your life with me. How we made our life sparkling each and every day. On those days, I had your love. On those days, I just had to look into your twinkling eyes, which brightened my day.


The breeze is fresh, like my pain. It intensifies with this passing night and it whips me as a day dulls into this splendid darkness. This it the splendid turn of the New Year and sadly, I begin without seeing you this year. I imagine you in a red India dress with your hair open, and you sporting your dangling earrings. You are making a “Rangoli”, with your favorite colors and designs. You are having your favorite sweets. I am staring at you from across the lanes of bright lights. You have closed your eyes, and you whisper prayers for me, prayers for peace, prayers for prosperity but what does peace and prosperity mean without me? I go back to time and imagine drowning into your beautiful eyes.

The say, Lord Ram returned to ‘Ayodhya’ after 14 solitary years. I wish someday, you return to me so that I can rejoice and triumph over myself. I will dance in this sparkling lights and promise never to let you go. I would hold you forever. Just return once and I add the sparkle in your life.

I look at the “Diya” burning and it’s flames on all side, I look at it with despair, it inspires me and symbolizes my love. They remind me of my former flame. The winds are still cold, and try to blow these flames away. I realized my love for her was like an extinguishing old flame, I tried to stop it all these months from getting extinguished. But in the course, I burned my hands , my heart and my soul. An old flame can’t be kept igniting if the oil runs out. You can’t ignite the old flame with the same intensity. You either just hold on and rather let the flame extinguish completely and then light your new flame again or rather cover the burning flame with your hands and In the course, burn your hands , until your soul cries in pain and agony. The later hurts like hell, and kills you everyday.

The festive seasons takes you back to time. These sweets, which add the sweetness to one’s life, taste bitter in these dark nights. I am eating this Rasgula because today is ‘diwali’, but I remember that nothing is sublime. I remember you feeding me with those soft hands, the hands which revived me back into life, like the touch of “Midas”.

It’s no secret, that you are miles away and happy with your life. You are celebrating festival of lights, and here it’s all dark. You are not here anymore to hold me and guide me in this path of darkness. Outside my window, I see these crackers burning. They penetrate my ears, and prolong my pain inside. How can I celebrate this festival, when darkness spreads through my insides? How can I celebrate when there’s no feeling of light in my heart? They say, a heart full of light is playful and spirited and embraces life whole


heartedly? A person without the feeling of light gropes in the darkness and feels miserable.I believe for every heart that whispers in the dark that there's a ray of light somewhere shining through. I wish I could move into the light and feel a ray of happiness in myself.

I look at the night’s sky, minus the stars. The stars do not appear today, they are lost somewhere. Someone tell me where should I go, to find the sparkle in your eyes. Where should I go to get you back in my life?, Where should I go when it’s all dark, Where Should I go when I don’t see the ‘Suha’? Where should I go when these stars go blue ….

Chapter 7Autumn Goodbye


“Who now has no house, will not build one. Who now is alone, will remain so for long, Will wake, and read, and write long letters And back and forth on the boulevards Will restlessly wander, while the leaves blow.”

-Herbsttag (Autumn Day)

Rain passed, and the wind blew the yellow maple leaves from the trees, making way for autumn, which came howling and crying. The following days were dreary. The pain inside me was beginning to deepen. The future seemed even bleaker to me. Ghastly colors struck the autumn and I sat by the window, looking at the garden of Eden . The sit was awful. The Leaves were trembling and gently waving at the morning sun. The gray cloud shrouded the sun and the bleak light made everything look so dimmer.

On a cold winter morning, I take a walk in the garden. The wind gushes by, getting the autumn leaves with it.... which fall on the trail I leave behind, the path we walked together once...

The Crisp north breeze sweep across the gardens of Eden, and twist through the trees. Just the way a gray cloud signals a storm to the sailors in the sea. In the same way, the gray misty sky were depicting that times are not going to be easy. I witness the clouds hanging carelessly overhead, just like the shadow of the past that continues to hound me.


As I continue walking, these fallen leaves crunch beneath my feet. I recall the day, when we had gone for a morning walk. It was a beautiful day, and the fragrance of the autumn flowers mingled with the breeze. She was wearing a blue jacket, with a white tee that clung tightly to her chest. Her hair was in a mess, and that made her look more alluring. She smelled so good, just like the autumn flowers. The breeze blew and we were sitting on the bench in silence. She ran her hand through her hair, pulling back the strands that had fallen onto her face. I was so smitten by her hair that I placed one of my hands behind her back, in a hope that my hand might bruise against her hair. What are you doing?” she smiled.

“Nothing!” I said.

“All guys are the same.” she said“What?” I surprisingly asked.

“They start by placing their hand behind the back, and then expect the girl to come closer.” She smiled wickedly.

I started laughing, and confessed “No, it’s not like that, I didn’t realize what I was doing.”

Like a painter, I try to visualize her on the dream canvas, I had made…..A cold chilly morning, a secluded bench and two souls getting united. I beheld her sitting on the bench, holding my hands and those emerald eyes looking at me. I picture her laughing, and talking to me. The words which are stored in the secret hearts of heaven and the voice that echoes my mind and rings a thousand bells. I see that bench where we had sat some months ago, and spent some of our most beautiful moments. Those moments which are etched in my memory forever. A cold breeze, blows in my face softlyAnd I wonder, Is this the life I thought I’d live? It is always said, some people stay with you forever. And I began to realize, that no one could ever make me feel like the way she made me feel that winter. I remained standing in the garden, waves of perplexity beating upon me like a tempest upon autumn leaves. The golden leafs fall to the ground and form a rainbow of color bed. And my tears fall on the maple leaves like dewdrops. I sat on the bench alone and witnessed this painful sight, Trees


becoming naked and nature changing before my eyes. For a moment, everything the beauty of trees, the silence, the maples leaves everything looked so deceptive. The gardens of Eden never looked so depressing.

Tonight, as the cool autumn air whispers in my ear,It wont let me forget you. It will ask, “where is she tonight?”

“My guest has gone with a carefree sigh,and breezes swirl these fragrant autumn tress.Around the garden their fallen petals lie,to be sweeped away by the showers of cry.

The beauty soon disappears.Like Spring like summer like an autumn day,

Gone, my Queen of the Autumn Windwho’s trumpeters play all night.Their triumph sings to the breaking dawnof a new day filled with glorious light.

Her Autumn fragrance lingers stilland weeping willows whisper her name.Both soft green moss where dew drops spilland summer breezes share her fame.

There is a statue with tears in its eyes,Sitting on a bench under the open sky.And clouds of grey wander azure skiesbut know not when she’ll return to him.

A leaden heart can be saved by gracebut not by the siren’s song.But a heart of rock can never be melted

Such pitiful withered orchids lieupon the field where lovers metbeneath a moonlight’s sky.


Upon the bench where their voices metAt the others the lovers glanced,not believing that their love could die.

Heaven has a feeling heart,yet a thousand years have passed.Since the Lapping waves have met the shoreSince these dry lips have kissed

The moon’s growning old.It sleeps in desolation.It’s true when you hear the tales untoldbut it’s no consolation.I am waiting for a love to last,for a ten thousand eons more “

“Red leaves and blue tomorrowsTime will give back the love that we sharedon the time that we borrowed

From December through AprilBittersweet was the love that we shareRemember the winter Just the way I do

We'll leave behind the wintertimeour hearts, our mindsthey will remindwe won't forgetthe day we metthe day we criedand the Autumn Goodbye


You promised me a happy endingYou said you wouldn't make me cryBut now when you’re goneWinter will keep me warm and aliveNow it’s time for the maple leaves to dieIt’s time forOur autumn goodbye, autumn goodbyeautumn goodbye “


Chapter 8The Nights are getting colder….

Nov’24th 2007

On a pleasant winter weekend, I sat on my bed with a novel. I was down with sore throat, and was still feeling dizzy because of the beer I had last night. I couldn’t immerse myself with some work or even read, so I just thought let’s pen down something in my diary.

I asked myself whether any of this was worth it..the angst, the weakness and the forlorn hope. I felt so vulnerable that morning. It begins in such an agony. I login to my computer, no scraps, no emails, no wall posts and not even a single blog comment. I felt so alone, and the feeling of helplessness overpowering me. Was I really feeling so blue? I ponder over this as I sip some hot lemon tea, which warms the chill running through my veins. It was cold outside and I was down with cough and sore throat. I couldn’t even go out for that matter. Deep inside, my heart I was frozen.

Sometimes, you can’t fake a smile. I have been keeping this pain inside, and this feeling was so prolonged. I feel so blue, it’s like when you know where your heart belongs and your mind sways from it..the pain, the disdain and the ennui. The days faded into evening and night befell. I was repeating the same words and living the same day.

Could I really wait for her to return and keep this forlorn hope burning. I was at the crossroads of my life and I didn’t know where my life was heading. How long do I wait? This is a question kept haunting me and daunting my spirits.

A thousand nights had made me older, since the last time I saw her. I was lost in sorrow and reverie. Days and nights preyed upon me as the eagle ravages its victim. Many a times, I tried to forget my misfortune by occupying myself with books and writing, but it was like extinguishing fire with oil, for the more I tried to isolate myself, the more I found myself in distress. I could hear the shrieking of my soul,


and the clamor of my heart. Sometimes this pain lies deep in your heart, and when you keep it inside, it takes the form of poison which kills you slowly. This is not what I wanted, I wanted to heal myself.

The phone keeps on ringing, it’s one of my female friends who happens to call me up just to check whether I am alright. I don’t answer her call, “ Leave me alone.” I sigh. Not only I was experiencing pain, sadness, and feelings of rejection, I was losing my friends. I spent the days, just waiting for her. I hardly socialized or interacted. I was just too hurt. I didn’t know who I was anymore. For a short while I lived my life this way, I had no motivation and strength to change it either. I did exactly what I had to do every day, college, soft music, and lonely nights. But I wasn’t experiencing life, I wasn’t growing as a person, and I was completely unsatisfied with myself. I was trapped in the past and I was repeating the same words, and living the same day. I wait to hear her voice every weekend, that’s the day I call her up. We speak for some time, just the casual conversation and share our past memories and our future dreams. For the moment, I was happy being talking to her as a friend. But whenever I call , I crave to hear those two words “Miss you.” But there’s an air of uneasiness when I speak to her. Even while we are sharing those old good times. I am just too scared to even pop put the question, which has been haunting me for an era. I am just too scared, that she might hang up the phone and never speak to me. She says, “bye..take care” and the phone hung up, and I am left alone, gasping to hear her voice again.“Love you Jaan, Goodnight.” I whisper. I keep myself busy with my guitar lessons. The guitar does not strum well. I have lost my rhythm, the zest in my life. On this time odyssey, I had lost myself on the way. Without her, I felt as if my ideas and thoughts had no impression on this world. I look at my shadow, and try to figure out myself. It was not the real me, M.A.S.O.O.M. It was someone else. How could a girl, change me so much?

My heart might be bruised, but it will never recover. Could I really bear the pain of being alone. I already have, I wondered. Will her memories always stay with me like that? Will the last winter, haunt my life forever or will it elate my life. Was there a reason, she came in my life and maybe she really had to go one day.There’s an ironical saying “ You can’t imprison love, you should let if free, if she is yours she will return back to you and if she doesn’t return back she was never yours.” Maybe somewhere down the line, Love will find us again and we will turn our mystery green.


It was really cold outside, and the night couldn’t be colder without her. I hear the message tone, and I feel a thump in my heart. Was it Jane, awake at this time. Damn! I silently cry. “Sometimes you love someone so much, that you forget to keep a little for yourself.” It was one of my female friends, she couldn’t have hit the truth more aptly. Perhaps, I have to be happy with myself, I have to love myself and then only I was capable of loving somebody else. I crawl into my bed, wear my winter cap and go to bed in the hope of a better tomorrow.Chapter 9It’s 2 am and I am still awake“It’s 2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a songIf I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,Threatening the life it belongs toAnd I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowdCause these words are my diary, screaming out loud”

- Breathe, Anna nalick

"Don’t worry baby, I will walk away from your life silently…and when you turn back, I wont be there standing for you.” I cry as I read her messages.

It’s 2 am, and I’m still awake…I crawl on my bed, switch on the table lamps and continue writing down my diary. I am all up, watching the night sky. Looking at her pics. As I take the photo frame in my hand, I can see my reflection. I see her coming out of the frame, and speaking to me. As she tries to wipe my tears away, I still see the glow in her face, and her beautiful eyes. I could still see that love inside.

“How do I end up here”. I asked myself. About some months back I was the happiest guy in this world with my girl by my side and life could not have been better. But now I ended up here with my life taking a new turn. My life is just Incomplete without her. I have been gripped with a feeling of loneliness. “What went wrong?” is the Question which has been haunting me all these weeks. In retrospect, I realized that life is a mystery. I am still trying to discover the gospel of love. A boy meets a girl, sparks fly….They are engulfed in weird sensations, goose bumps, butterflies in their stomachs. They walk hand in hand, unaware of the world around them. When they are together everything is a dream, they can conquer just about anything. When they are apart, life seems unbearable. Is this true love? Or is this a


passing fancy? How do two souls attract, share a love that defies everything…

On this time odyssey, I have realized that it’s not easy to end this love. I really feel for her and I can do anything just to be with her. I keep on giving myself these false promises that our love will stand this test of time. That one day we will find a way. For me we are just physically apart. She will always be there in my heart, no matter where she is.

My tears have frozen. These tears never lied , they spoke a thousand words unsaid. I have spent these horrible nights of sorrow, recalling those beautiful days of love.. I am trying to put my life back together, trying to mend these broken pieces of my heart. These pieces will never join together ,and this pain in my heart will never heal. She meant the world to me. She was my dream, my inspiration, and perhaps the only reason I smiled.

I wonder, how I will complete this novel and will she ever read this. I want to expel this pain from my heart, and this book is the only medium to express my underlying love.

Where should I start from, maybe the day I saw her for the first time after 3 years. I take my pen, and my diary and continue writing…December 8th 2006, Mumbai. This date which will be etched in my mind forever…Let me take you to a story of Rocky and Jane, a love story that endures and leaves an innocent impression for a lifetime.


Chapter 10When I found you….

Dec’ 8 th 2006

“ I believeWe all have one true loveSomewhere in this worldI do

When it seemedAll my dreamsWere falling throughThat's when I found you “ - Britney Spears


Where I want to start telling is the day when we saw each other for the first time after so many years. It was the Annual Sports meet and she had come to our college. I couldn’t believe my eyes. It was my first crush, Jane Chapel. It had been ages. She had changed a lot, from the last time I saw her. Her hair was long, radiant eyes, and that innocent face that could take any soul’s breath away. I gazed into her alluring eyes, which were accented by a touch of eye shadow. She looked cherubic that afternoon and her battling eyelashes were so seducing. For a fleeting second, our eyes locked. I never happened to believe in love at first sight but there was something that just clicked. I am sure cupid striked when our eyes met for the first time. I was lost in her eyes; they were so deep and mystical. Myriad thoughts kept popping in. I am sure the world came to a standstill as we stood there staring ludicrously.

“When I first gazed into her eyes,Someway... somehow... I knew.She wanted to talk to me,And I... to her.” The autumn continued to bless me, as a maple leaf blew over my face. A beauty spot on her left chin captivated my attention. I was totally mesmerized by her persona. I felt something like i never "FELT" before . I just kept on staring. I can still feel that moment, the anxiety and the excitement. As she stared again, she left me breathless. I really wanted to talk to her that day but it just didn’t happen.

I kept on wondering, whether it was a rendezvous planned in heaven. I surely did, I mean it wasn’t a coincidence that we met each other. I was unaware, what was in store for me and how that one glance would change my life forever.

Let me take you into a flashback.. She was the prettiest girl in our school and a heartthrob. Ok, she wasn’t this tall tennis girl type, but she was quite tall compared to other girls of Viven High. She easily fitted into the elite category of girls with class. It’s always hard to find an elegant combination of ‘beauty with brains”. I mean, she was not the dumb wannabes that I mostly dash in, and neither I would say she was sexy. She had a tantalizing persona, And when I say that, I mean she was desirable but out of reach for the common man. But she was


beautiful in her own way, and she had her own fan following. She was popular; I mean that’s what I had heard from my friends. She had a mesmerizing presence; it’s like when she uses to walk in, a luminous aura use to enlighten the whole room. And when she left, the guys use to jerk off, If that makes sense. I am sure people of Viven High would be delighted to have such an eye candy, to drool over incase the lectures gets boring. It always was, for that matter. She was just perfect in every thing be it academics, dance or Elocution.

She was not a pin up doll kinda or wait, maybe she was. I didn’t even know her that well. And for some reason, I never got the chance to strike a conversation with her. That was because we were in different divisions. But then things were just not right at that time. I always ignored my feelings. And yes I had some preconceived notions about her, I always thought that she had loads of attitude, and she was a heartbreaker and loved having guys around. Sometimes, it’s so wrong speculating. Inspite of living in the same block, we never managed to strike a conversation. find. Then as the years passed by, I ignored my feelings. Maybe because I was an Introvert and I never really happen to socialize or mingle around. As a matter of fact, I was underground all the time, If that makes sense. I mean I rarely went for a stroll and it was almost impossible to track me . As they say, good looking people are hard to find. Taking this philosophy to the next level, I managed to maintain this mystery. I was mysterious in many unknown ways.

I am not always aesthetic, and I hardly give compliments. But I admit I found her cute at the first place, but that didn’t mean I would go and ask her out. Duh! That’s so not like me. But something had happened to me that night. I was so smitten by her charm that I just couldn’t get her out of my mind. I went to bed and tuned in the radio, peter andre was singing “ mysterious girl I wanna get close to you.” I felt this song was specially dedicated for me. It depicted my state of mind. That night I just couldn’t sleep and that mystical eyes kept haunting my dreams.


Chapter 11Oops..I am in love again

In the end of my second year, I got into the habit of studying at my college library. It was a lousy place, and when I say I really mean it. Our librarian was a big bully who would often drive the boys away. I mean, he was a big pain, and couldn’t see a group of girls mingle around or even sit together for that matter. I was sure he was jealous. Fortunately, I was never driven away or given any detention and I felt lucky not being his victim.

The day before my practical exams, I went to the library. I am not sure, why I went there. The place was quiet and the faces looked familiar. The librarian stared at me, and so did I. Maybe he was just suspicious. Well, I wouldn’t deny that I liked to look around and check out some eye candies. It was an undiscovered fact that our library was the only place where you could find some cute females. I took out my book, not the best of my subjects “ Object oriented program structure”, OOPS as I called it. I know it sounded like the Britney spear song, but there was hardly any similarity and britney could never study OOPS. I started reading the chapter on objects and classes, while my roving eyes checked out the entire library. My eyes, stopped at one object errr..girl and I don’t know why I couldn’t get my eyes off her.

“Zooming in, Target locked!” I murmured. Well, that’s all I would say all the time, a side effect of James bond flicks.


From where I was seated, I could see her long tresses and back. She was slim, and had some really deadly curves. When I say that, I mean she was pretty close to the dream stats- 34-24-36. She was charming, and there was something angelic about her. I mean, I was not being over aesthetic but she didn’t appear from our college. I was quite sure about that, because I was so accustomed of seeing the same ugly faces from the past two years. But the thing was for sure, I had seen her before. The bell rang, signaling end of a lecture followed by a scream.“Jane, I was looking for you.” Screamed a female and the librarian looked at her with an expression that could scare the hell outta anyone. She moved towards her, so her name was Jane, sounded so rhapsodic.

The mysterious girl turned back, and I realized she was the same girl, Jane Chapel. I couldn’t believe my luck. I had almost lost all my hope to see her again. She was looking different from that afternoon with her specs on, and for some reason I didn’t recognize her at the first place. “So, she must be wearing her lenses that day.” I wondered. She shot a glance at me. I turned away pretending to read.

I couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t get my eyes off her, she had this really innocent looking face. I continued reading “Polymorphism is the process of defining a number of objects of different classes into a group and call the methods to carry out the operations of the objects using function calls. By default C++ follows early binding” “Huh! How did I reach on this page.”

One glance and I was sure, what she must be reading. Must be a Harry met sally kinda novel. She looked like a girl, who was a sucker for romantic poetry and love stories. So like me, I laughed silently.

She removed her glasses and closed the book. She appeared a little confused, and I could tell that because she was playing with her hair. Every time the wind blew away her strands and fall on her face, she uses to pull it back. I kept dreaming of running my fingers through her hair. God knows, what was in her mind. But she appeared a little confused and her puzzling expressions made her look cuter.

She removed her hair band and pinned her hair back. I kept admiring her tresses. . “She has got class.” I murmured.

She got up from her table, and headed towards the librarian’s desk. I leaned over to see the book she was reading. It was not a love story, but a book on Electrical Maintenance.


“Do you have any novel by Agatha Christie.” She said softly

The librarian smiled, and said “ Oh Yes! I do. It’s nice to see a pretty girl like you interested in Hercules Poirot.”

“Ya ,he is my all time favorite character.”

I couldn’t believe that bastard could actually smile. Well I guess he was smitten by her harm too. I don’t really remember the last time he spoke to us gently.“It’s a bestseller, do read it.” He said

“Thanks, when do I need to return it back.” She said.

“You can return it back whenever you want, take your time.”“Thanks.”

She stood there for some time, and maybe she was just checking out the contents. I got up from my table, and ambled over to the librarian’s desk. I was standing next to her, and I smelled her fragrance for the first time. It was sensuous and enchanting.

“Do you have any books by William Shakespeare.” I asked.

“No, we don’t. By the way what do you know about him.” He wickedly smiled.

That time, I wish I could kill that bastard. I had always been a Shakespeare fan, and enjoyed reading his love sonnets and quotes. “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day” was my favorite. Though, I admit I didn’t understand “thou, thee, thy and the old country style Latino English.

“He was a playwright, and his characters Romeo and Juliet share the greatest love fables of all times. And I have seen the movie hamlet a million times.” I said, removing all my frustration.

I could hear her laughing under her breath and I was sure she was listening to our conversation. She busted out in laugher after some time. The smile that rings my thousand bells. The smile, which made the lousy place, look more vibrant. As she smiled, her dimples were visible. Gosh! She was a beauty. “You can’t make me feel like this.” I cried.

I was in love again, and this time I knew I was really in love.


Chapter 12I just wanna be with you…

Jan 18’2007

I looked at my watch, it was around 8’ish. Thinking she’d be waiting for

me, I rushed to dress up. Looked at my closet, not sure what to wear, I removed a full sleeve t-shirt. I applied my favorite perfume and gelled my hair to give it a wet look. I took my Wrigley’s chewing gum, my tablets as I always called them.

I reckon it was a chilly evening. I entered the garden, and started searching for her. She was nowhere in sight, I continued walking and for a moment I thought she wouldn’t come. Then all of a sudden, I saw her coming towards me. My heart started beating


faster, with every step she took. In an instant, I felt a sense of happiness that was long lost in my life. I just couldn’t get my eyes off her. She was so mesmerizing.

She was looking good, dressed in her casuals, sporting a tigress strip top and light blue Jeans, hair nicely brushed and pinned up. Her mystical smile continued to fascinate me.

“Hi, nice to see you!” I said and offered my hand. This time we had a complete handshake and I felt an electrical vibration, when I touched her hand. They were so cold, liked the last time.

“Why are your hands, always so cold.” I asked. She smiled and said.“ It always is.”

We continued walking, our topics of conversation started changing like the wind around us. I observed her hand gestures, while she was talking. They were so gestulative, and the way her hands kept on moving afte every word she spoke.It looked cute. We spoke about music, books and films. One of her many loves was Poetry. It was nice to know that we were similar in many ways. For instance,she drooled over Enrique. It was also the time when she recited the lyrics of her favorite song “Be with you” the voice, which still echoes my mind.

“Monday Night I feel so lowCount the hours they go so slowI know the sound of your voiceCan save my soulCity lights, street of goldLook out my window to the world belowMoves so fast and it feels so coldAnd I’m all alone

I can’t sleep and I’m up all nightThrough these tears and I try to smileI know the touch of your handCan save my life.”

Her voice was sensuous, and angelic and one of the cutest voices I have ever heard. I liked the lyrics, and somewhere I felt that she dedicated these special lines for me.

“I like the lyrics.” I smiled with a blush.

“Is this your normal speed of walking, Can we like walk a little faster.” She said.


“Ya sure!” I sighed.

“So, How’s your college going.” She asked

“Well I was just busy with my magazine work, I am supposed to collect the articles, edit them and also design the cover page.”

“Guess, the work are in the right hands.” She said.

“Hey how was your tennis tournament, how did you fair?” she smiled

“How did you know about my tournament? Have you left some spies to snoop around me.” I asked surprisingly.

“No I won’t do that.” She said.

“Nyways, do you see that tennis court, I got lot’s of memories there.” I said.

“hmm..yes Mr. Page Turner, I know.” She smiled. She always use to call me a page turner. That was because I had called her one of the most beautiful chapters of my life and she thought I said this to every female in this world. New girl, new page as she said…

“Have you ever tried playing tennis.” I said

“No not really, I am not much into sports.” She said.

“Anyways, so you guys must be having your farewell right.”

“Ya, we have it next Saturday.”

“Must be all excited.” I said.

“Ya kinda, I hope I get the dress stitched by the end of this week.”

“What are you wearing.” I asked

“A saree, with light brown & yellow stripes.”

“You mean to say, a tigress strip saree.” I laughed. “Hope I get to see you then.”

“Yes maybe, if you are free on Saturday.”


“I would be free this weekend, but I didn’t get you?” I said surprisingly.

“Maybe, we can spend some quality time together.” She softly smiled.

Her smile gave me the subtle hints that she was interested. I was shaken, for a second. But was this girl really asking me out?

“hmm..Ya maybe, I will let you know.” I said, trying to sound not so excited.

“And I am always ready for some adventure. Wild photography has always been my passion. And this time I have a tigress as my prey.” I laughed.

“Yea, rite.’ She laughed under her breath.

We were still walking, and it really felt that we know each other from ages. People watched us, as we walked around, I could see a million hearts breaking, a thousand smiles turning into a frown and the air of jealousy that actually made me feel nice. All of a sudden, she got a missed call. She gave a glance to the number, and gave a missed call back.

“ Someone is missing you, I said must be your guy.” I laughed

“No I am very much single, and it’s my mom who wants to get back home.”

“Ok so your mom gives you a missed call, telling you to get back home.” I asked.

“Ya, and I gave her a missed call back telling her I am safe.” She laughed.

I smiled back “ So you will be going back home no.”

“Ya Guess, I will have to leave, It’s getting late.” She said.

“Ok then, here comes the gate. It was nice meeting you.” I said.

“Won’t you drop me to my home.” She said it so sweetly, so innocently.

It’s really hard to say no sometimes, and when a cute female says something like that, it’s not easy to resist the temptation. I wondered, why didn’t I think of that before.

“Sure.” I took a deep breath.

Her block was just five minutes away. But I wished it was not so close. I would have got some more time to spend with her that evening.


He block arrived and our eyes met for a second.

“Thanks for dropping me. It was really nice meeting you.” she said.

“It was really nice meeting you too, goodnight.” I said trying to be formal.

“Goodnight.” She said.

“I will message you in the night.” I replied, and our eyes locked for the last time.

For a moment I thought how good it would feel to give her a goodnight kiss, guess. I was lost in my own thoughts.“Ya, let me go now.” She smiled. ”And don’t miss the view today, it’s a full moon light.”

I nodded, “well I am not gonna miss the view today by any chance.” I said to myself. I didn’t want to go back home, so I kept strolling near her blocks for some time.

I was so smitten by her charm. All I can say, I was on top of the world and humming all the romantic songs that came to my mind. As I headed back home, The autumn leaves kept on blowing. One of the leaves stopped by my feet, and I picked one.

I went back home and downloaded the song “Be with you.” Than night I just couldn’t sleep. Recalling, the moments we were walking. . I never felt like that before. I sit by the window and I thought about today. I kept looking at the moonlight and listening to her favorite track

“I just wanna be with you.” I said taking a deep breath.


Chapter 13Al-Jannah – “A walk to remember”

Jan 21, 2007

“Like a dream you can't explain love can chase a beating of your heart


Like the sun shining in the rain love can make your whole world fall apart”

It was late in January, a cold winter morning. The sky was all covered with white

clouds, Birds fluttering in heaven. Back on earth, in the secret gardens of Aden, the scent of the flowers mingled with the breeze. The autumn maple leaves were falling again. The silence of the morning, flowers and trees. Love was in the air and everything was so poetic. The fragrance of ‘Azhar’ enriched the garden. I was up, before the sun and hadn’t last night. We had decided to meet for a morning walk at ‘Al-Jannah’ . Never thought that the morning would change my life forever.

The flowers were murmuring, and as we walked down the garden, heard the angels in the heaven whispering “perfect”. We were walking down the park, unaware of the world around us. Listening to the breathing of the nature, and feeling the chill of a winter morning. She was wearing a turquoise jacket, and a white tee that clung to her chest tightly. Her hair was in a mess, and that just out of the bed look, really took my breath away. We walked in the garden, for some time.

“ In this silent nightwid the cell in my hands, I think of him and wait for his msgHis daily nightly msgs make me weep and smile3 yrs with a flirty bloke,it wasn’t a joke.Until I fell for a guy,Who already has a gal,Boy O boy, @ dis rate I will fall in lov all ova again.”

She had messaged me this beautiful poem last night. I think about this as we walk in silence. I really wanted to compliment her on the poem she wrote for me, but instead I just kept on looking at her. She looked so beautiful that morning. That day she redefined The term ‘Zaina’. As the rays of the sun shone on her face, neck and arms, she looked like an ivory princess walking in the gardens of the castle.

We sat silently in a secluded bench of the garden. For a moment I thought, Life is all about sitting on benches, with her and feeling the beauty of flowers and the nature.Life is all about writing poetry and expressing your deepest desires. There was a complete silence. Time passed, and gradually our breathing began to coincide. .

While somewhere above the blue sky, the eyes of heaven witnessed our drama. I was lost in my own world. Each minute that we spent, was like a year of love. My angel , my ‘Malak’ was sitting next to me and I was able to see how close I felt to her. I played the


song “Maula Mere” in the walk phone of my cellphone. I looked into her beautiful eyes, all in love. The song made us even closer to heaven. Suddenly, I felt something hard on my head. I was hit by something. I am sure; those weren’t flowers pouring from heaven. It was a tennis ball. Someone played a shot out of the court and it landed on my head. It wasn’t funny at all. But my love found it funny. She started bursting out in laughter. Her dimples enhanced her beauty. They were really cute. Perhaps, that incident just broke the ice for us or we would have continued being silent.

“Do you like swimming?” I asked

“Ya, I have been swimming from the age of 5.” But it has been a long time I have been in the water.” She said

“I love swimming and I go for a dip every weekend, I hope I see you getting wet some day .” I smiled

“I have a red costume.” She gave one her flirtiest smile.

“Okay, now I am dreaming of you in a red costume, and the water droplets falling from your hair.”

“I know you are getting ideas.” She laughed under her breath. It was really great spending time with her. There was a momentary silence. I started playing the walkman in my cell phone. The Song ‘Maula Mere Maula ‘ in the background, really made me feel I was in heaven. Somehow I knew, she loved that song.

“Aankhen teri itni hazeen,Ki inka aashiq main ban gaya hoonMujhko chupa le in mein tu.Ishq hain, maula mere malua mere.”

“I love this song.” She said

“I know, it has a mesmerizing lyrics that transports you to heaven.” I said.

“Ya, it keeps coming on the radio.”


She smiled softly and said, “ Show me your hands!” I opened the fist of my left hand and placed it on her lap. She studied my hand for some time, the softness of our touch. It really ringed my bells deep inside.

“Are you a palmist, trying to predict my future” I said.

She looked away without answering, and didn’t say a word. There was a momentary silence, and this silence was killing me.

She paused, collecting her thoughts. “ And show me your other hand”

I gave my other hand too. Again she did the same ritual, carefully examining my lines and fist. Then

“ Am I going to die soon!.” I laughed.

She just smiled, didn’t answer me , The serene look in her eyes deepened. A witch inside her had awakened. Her eyes ‘twinkling’ in delight. She squeezed my hand a little, and I was blushing all over. I couldn’t look into her eyes anymore.

After a deep pause, she said. “ Is it ok, if I hold your hands, It feels better.”

It surely did. Her hands were really cold. It was always like that, even when we met for the first time. “All signs of a cold blooded witch” I wondered.

When I felt her cold hands touching mine, I felt a goosebump inside. A feeling that I cannot explain in words. My hands were warm, and her were cold. I gave her my warmth and she cooled my soul.

Suddenly she rolled her eyes upon me.

“I really meant what I said last night. I really like you. It’s okay, I know you have a girl.” She confessed.

I was stunned. For a moment, I thought I was dreaming. I didn’t utter a word and wanted to hear the three magical words, which I was longing for. Sometimes silent says it all. We were still holding hands. I gave her a sweet peck on her check.

“Let’s walk again” she said and held my hands and took me to a secluded corner of the jogging track. It was 9 am, in the morning and there was hardly anyone in the garden.

She held my eyes for a long moment, and told me something, which sent a bolt of lightning along my spine. “Kiss me” she innocently whispered.


The sound that echoed my ears, like a ringing bell. Was I actually dreaming?I said “What!” “You heard it right, just kiss me” she said with her sensuous voice.

Without letting the moment pass by, I held her by her waist, and brought her closer.I closed my eyes, and felt her burning lips touching mine; they were so soft and tender. She lifted her head and reciprocated with a passionate bite. I leaned in slowly and kissed her softly again. Her lips were dry and as she felt the moisture on my lips, I knew I had touched heaven. I felt a tingling sensation in my tongue, and my head started spinning, Stars exploding in my head. Everything seemed so beautiful. I felt the adrenaline bolting down my body, butterflies in my stomach. My thoughts were twirling like the wind around us.

“I love you Jane.” “I love you too.” She cried.

“A cloud shifted. The world frozeCupid striked at that time.When we were on cloud nine.With a passion flowing freeSparks flew that we could see”

Our hearts were racing to a heavenly beat. Our souls connected, and I felt something, which I had never felt before. Her sensual fragrance that rivaled the angels. I put my arms around her and reached over to embrace her. As my fingers slid through her hair, I felt the warmth of her embrace. I knew I had found the love of my life. I let myself stay in the moment forever. The memory of which melts my heart and awakens by its sweetness all the virtue of my spirit. Time passed, and as we pulled back, the world seemed so dreamlike. All was left behind were two souls united forever at Al-Jannah. “The clock tickling slowlythe world disappearedand all that was left was her and meand as we pulled awayI felt as though I could flyI felt life for the first time”

The ‘Al-Jannah’ never looked so beautiful .I looked at her and realized how special she was for me. It took me a moment to figure out, that It was a reality. I never thought that our first kiss, would be this way. When I think of that morning, I feel a lump in my throat. What if Someone would have stepped in? But the thrill, and adventure made it look all worth it. Perhaps, some beautiful things happen in the world, at the most beautiful places at the time when you least expected.


From that day, we hardly stayed apart….

A walk to remember…A walk to cherish…..A walk that changed my life.

Al-Jannah – The garden described in the Quran, Ar-Rayyan – The gates of judgementMalak – AngelAnwar - Rays of lightAzhar - Flowers, blossomsZaina – BeautifulChapter 14Teardrops on my guitar…..


“Sad refrains from my guitar echo from my soulThey're my last hope for sanity since your love for me turned coldEvery weeping melody pours from my breaking heartI struggle with your memory and tears on my guitar

Listen, as my guitar cries for youLonging for your harmony fore your love fell out of tuneSweetest song we ever sang was in each others armsTheres nothin' left but silence, and tears on my guitar

You have closed the curtain on a love we shared so trueNo more sweet love songs, nothin but the bluesSaddest notes I ever played float softly toward the starsWith my desperate prayers, and tears on my guitar - Gene Kelton

Here I am, feeling deceived by my love. I just can’t get over her. With my trembling hands, I try to play my guitar, I try to strum the


same song but I just can’t get the chords right. My guitar weeps silently, perhaps it knows, that it might never sound the same again. It knows that no one is going to play it again. I tell my guitar softly to go to sleep. I will stay up all night, till my heart expels all these thoughts.

I sit on my bed, with the guitar in my laps. My room is in a mess. There are papers, gifts, clothe, books everywhere. Everything reminds me of her. I still smell her fragrance in the clothes she has left behind.

It just seems like yesterday, she was here. I grieve silently, and each morning I wake up dry-eyed or with eyes brimming with tears. Sleep eludes me,This place is replete with poignant memories, and I feel her presence all over. My initial outburst on love lost seems to be now settling into a numbness of living without my love and being single again.

My love is not lost: it endures as I miss my special friend and feel her presence. I am walking down the same streets, its unbelievable that some months back we were walking hand in hand, and now these same streets look so empty.It’s raining and my heart is pouring out, As the rain drops wipe away my tear.I even try to close my eyes, but it does not ease my pain.

My guitar, can see the pain i am going through. I am left all alone, teardrops in my eyes while the guitar gently weeps…….

“Don’t cry baby, love will find me again.”


The witch of PortobelloFar away, in a mystical landThere was someone with a magic wandThere use to stay a lonely witchTrapped in the past with a secret wishShe yearned for a caring wizardLittle did she knew, her love was a few blocks away,Staying at fourteenth storey,She wanted all the gloryShe decided to go the witchy wayUsed all her potions and beauty charms To take his heart away

I still remember the dayWhen I went to her placeShe sat besides me on a marbleAnd recited me her favorite novelHer recitation took my breath awayAnd nothing could stop me from loving her that dayI gave her a peck on her cheek,I felt so warm in her embraceI had the world in my armsSomething made me believeThis love so true and sweet


Every word she said and whisperedSounded like a lullabyI just kept on looking at her eyes twinkling with delightI wish I could have drooled onTill the crack of dawn,

She showed me her wardrobe,Clothes scattered in every drawer,Her tops smelled so sensuous.Gosh! She must be so deliciousI was totally turned onOnly her touch of her lipsTurned my passion off

My heart skipped a beat,When I saw her lying on her bedsheetShe looked so cute in her night wearI just wanted to feel her everywhereI knew she was kinda wet!

Dreams came to an end, It was time to goShe escorted me to her door,Saying goodbye with her sensuous movesI wanted to stay there for some time,But I guess it was too late.

When I think of that beautiful dayMy heart has a silent cryWhy did she left me Behind?I pass her doorBut she doesn’t live there anymoreYears she was thereNow suddenly the lights are off,It’s all dark, cold and she has disappearedI am still walking down these empty streetsOn the Boulevard of Broken Dreams,When I look up in the sky,I can see the window


I can still see the Witch of PortobelloAt Flat no 1402.

“There is something in your eyes that I still cannot resistThere is something in this cold air which i can only feelThere is something about you that makes me cryThere is something that makes me miss you my cuiepie!The way that we touch is something that you can't denyAnd the way you kissed m. Gosh! you made me alive

When i revive those memories,And go back to those timesI picture a dream Holding your cold hands,the mornings we have spent walkingthe nights we have spent talkingthe tender words we whisperedthe times we have sharedthe days we faced those tough times

There is no one to stir my coffeeThere is no one to take that first sipThere is no one who write poetriesThere is no one to feed me with those caring hands

Seeing your face, no more on my pillowI pray to see the lights on in your window


I'm still breathing, i m falling apartDays seems like years, living without u sweetheartI'm still living on a dream,That is bleak & wouldn't lastI still see that ray of lightingIn this cold lonely nightWe might not have a future,But let’s give it a try, I promise I will love you till I die,My arms will keep u walk and safeI will hold your hands in every bad phasedistance separate us, You are just some miles awayBut I know we are always together in our dreams everyday

I'm going through hell,I need one of your witchy spell,Please show me a signSay you want me baby, say you need me Hold on let's give it a tryTogether we will make it happenand make our mystery green all againDon't let me dieOnly the sound of your voice can save my life. You can never tell what the next thing in life could beBut I know one thing and that is you were made for me,”


Way Back into Love

“I’ve been living with a shadow overheadI’ve been sleeping with a cloud above my bedI’ve been lonely for so longTrapped in the pastI just can’t seem to move on I’ve been hiding all my hopes and dreams awayI’ve been praying that I will get you somedayI’ve been trying to turn back timeI’ve been trying to make my poems rhyme I’ve been watching, but the stars refuse to shineI’ve been searching but I just don’t see the signsI know that you are out thereMiles away thinking about me somewhere I’ve been looking for someone to share my lifeBut seems like you are not ready to sacrifice There are moments when I don’t know If it’s realOr if you really feel the way I FeelI need an inspirationNot another separation For the times when I don’t feel rightI look at your pics in this dark blue nightI look at your window in the skyAnd I can see your shadow in the house nearby I am walking down these empty streetsListening to your favorite beats


Your fragrance still enriches and makes my place aliveYour memories still make me weep and smile.

All I wanna do is find a way back into loveI can’t make it through without a way back into love”

- Masoom Tulsiani


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