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Infection & Therapeutics BullFeb 2007 - Volume 950/Issue 45

Gonorrhea Lectim

New Disease Gonorrhea Lectim (pronounced GONNA RE-ELECT 'IM - as with a Bob Marley type accent)

Health warningThe Caribbean Center for Disease Control (CCDC) has issued a serious health warning about a virulent varietyof this Sexually Transmitted Disease discovered in the banana republic of Trinidad and Tobago. The self-propagating and chronic nature of this condition is devastating and is not to be underestimated.

Brief descriptionGonorrhea Lectim is commonly referred to as 'Patrick's Blight' or simply "having the Mannings". There was aserious outbreak in 2002. However, there is some suggestion the disease first visited Trinidad & Tobago in the1960's and mutated to its more recent virulent form.

Mode of infection &psychosocial impact

It is contracted through dangerous and high-risk behaviour. Victims contract it as a result of being screwed. Inturn they develop an obsessional dependence on being chronically and deeply screwed. A dangerous effect alsoleads sufferers to seek out and screw any moving object. Victims screw others and are screwed repeatedly formany many years. As a result the disease perpetuates itself.

Core Symptomatology

The disease has protean manifestations, however, common core features are seen below

Cognitive symptoms

anti-social personality disorders,delusions of grandeur with messianic

overtones,extreme cognitive dissonance,inability to incorporate new information,

pronounced xenophobia and paranoia,inability to accept responsibility for own actions,cowardice masked by misplaced bravado,

uncontrolled facial smirking, and constantly referring tooneself in the 3rd person,

ignorance of geography and history, especially involvingplaces such as "Mucurapo," "Valencia," and "Caroni"

tendencies towards evangelical theocracy,categorical all-or-nothing behaviour.a tendency to speak in tongues - especially Spanish.frequent trips to distant lands - especially Cuba andAfrica

Physical symptoms

extreme flatulence and other symptomsthat could be confused with irritablebowel syndrome.halitosisdrooling or foaming at the mouth

waving arms wildly about when speakingand pointing at people with a threateningposture.

screwing others

Research &International concern

The latest electron microscopy and immunophosphorescence studies have failed to detect a biological agent.This has caused major international concern. Unfortunately a few researchers were 'infected' and developed the'Mannings'. Unpredictably they produced a development plan for a TT$ 800M sports stadium.

Predisposing &Vulnerability factors

Actually living in Trinidad & Tobago

History of living in Trinidad & Tobago for more than >10 years after 1962.Familial tendencies to getting screwed.Ambivalence about the 'Mannings'.Multiple Personality Disorder - commonly known as 'two-facedness'.

Treatment &Prevention

Naturalists and epidemiologists are amazed at how this destructive disease originated and are at a loss as to howto halt its spread. CCDC warns that Gonorrhea Lectim shares certain features with 'mad cow disease'. CCDCpredictions point to a possible major outbreak sometime between 2006-7. Whilst there is no known cure for thedisease there is hope that the disease will become dormant after that. At the moment this disease is considered asserious as spongiform encephalopathies and ebola. As there is no known cure intervention is limited toprevention. Such strategies are limited to reducing vulnerability factors and public education. Chastity devices

are not recommended as these can cause more serious problems, beyond the scope of this bulletin.

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ITB - Gonorrhea Lectim - Feb 2007 - Volume 950/Issue 45