Developing Voice Excercise

Choose ONE of the following topics:A. BullyingB. B. The DentistC. HomeworkD. A Video Game you like OR dislike (one only)E. A sports star or Hollywood start you like OR

dislike (only one)

F. YOU HAVE ONE MINUTE TO DECIDE ON A TOPIC AND THEN I’ll SAY GO AND YOU MUST WRITE FOR FOUR MINUTES ON THAT TOPIC. DON’T WORRY ABOUT ORGANIZATION ETC.

I’m telling too much of my story. Do I need everything in my essay that I am writing about?

A. Everything should be moving your story forward

B. Ask yourself…Do I really need to tell this part of the story? Take it out and reread the section again and see if it still makes sense. If it does, then leave it out

Ask yourself is ALMOST everything in my story trying to show/evoke an emotion?

Am I including too much background/exposition?

What can I delete that is not evoking enough emotion?

***Remember not EVERY SENTENCE needs to evoke emotion but every paragraph should every five or six should.

Ask yourself…are the stories you are using as examples clear, concise and relevant or am I using too much from a story

Try deleting some areas from your story and re-read that section and see if it makes sense to you and still evokes emotions

****Right now I want everyone to think of a different story and write that story in place of your current story. Did this story help evoke more emotion? Was it easier to show and write? Was it clearer and more concise? If so, leave it in. If not, leave the original in it

***REALIZE THIS TAKES TIME AND IS SOMETHING I WOULD ALSO TRY AT HOME WITH ANOTHER STORY IN YOUR ESSAY!

STEP ONE:USE AS MANY OF THE FIVE SENESE AS POSSIBLE.

READING YOUR BODY PARAGRAPHS DRAW OR WRITE THE WORD EYE NEXT TO AN AREA WHERE YOUR STORY IS RELYING ON SIGHT

WHERE YOUR STORY IS RELYING TOO MUCH ON SMELL, DRAW OR WRITE THE WORD NOSE.

WHERE YOUR STORY IS RELYING ON HEARING,DRAW OR WRITE THE WORD EAR WHERE YOU STORY IS RELYING ON SOUND

A TONGUE WHERE YOUR STORY IS RELYING ON TASTE AND A HAND WHERE YOUR STORY IS RELYING ON TOUCH! WHAT SENSES DO YOU NEED TO INCLUDE MORE? WHAT CAN YOU

CHANGE IN YOUR STORY TO INCLUDE MORE OF THESE SENSES??? THIS IS DIFFICULT AND TAKES TIME AND READING YOUR ESSAY A MINIMUM OF FIVE TIMES! DO THIS EVERY FIVE OR SIX SENTENCES!

USE SPECIFIC NOUNS WHERE APPROPRIATE SO YOUR READERS KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT!

EG: I QUICKLY ARRIVED AT THE HOSPITAL? (WHAT HOSPITAL)

EG: WE ALL GOT INTO THE CAR TO ATTEND THE FUNERAL (WHAT TYPE OF CAR…WHERE WAS THE FUNERAL BEING HELD?)

MY TEACHER YELLED AT ME(WHAT IS THE NAME OF THE TEACHER?

Only use it where it will enhance the reader’s imagination so we all know exactly what you are talking about. IF IT IS NOT NECESSARY, THEN DO NOT USE IT!

EG:WE ALL WATCHED THE PLANE TAKE OFF….DOES NOT NEED FIXED EG: ME AND MY THREE FRIENDS WENT TO SOUTHLAND MALL.(DO

NOT NEED TO NAME ALL THREE FRIENDS WE WALKED HOME AFTER WE GOT YELLED AT BY MARK’S MOM.(WE

DON’T NEED TO KNOW YOUR ADDRESS) IF YOU ALREADY MENTIONED THE TYPE OF CAR YOU TOOK TO THE

FUNERAL, YOU DON’T NEED TO KEEP USING THE PROPER NOUN. YOU CAN JUST SAY CAR.

EG: WE WENT TO MY MOM’S FUNERAL IN OUR CADILLAC ESCALADE. AFTER THE FUNERAL WAS OVER WE ALL PILED BACK INTO THE ESCALADE. ONCE WE ARRIVED BACK HOME WE ALL GOT OUT OF THE ESCALADE. THE ESCALADE WAS SOLD THE NEXT DAY BECAUSE IT BROUGH BACK TOO MANY MEMORIES OF MY MOM.

EG: WE WENT TO MY MOM’S FUNERAL, LOCATED AT ST. CLEMENT’S CHURCH, IN OUR BLACK CADILLAC ESCALADE. AFTER THE FUNERAL WA S OVER WE ALL PILED BACK INTO THE CAR. WE ALL GOT OUT OF THE CAR. THE ESCALADE WAS SOLD THE NEXT DAY BECAUSE IT BROUGHT OUT TOO MANY MEMORIES OF MY MOM.

USE STRONG SPECIFC VERBS. WORDS THAT SHOW THE ACTION.

DO NOT OVERUSE THE MAN NAMED ISAMAREHAS WASWEREBE IS AM ARE HAS WAS WERE BE

EG: I AM GOING TO THE STORE TO BUY MILK EG: I DECIDED TO HEAD TO THE STORE TO

BUY MILK EG: I MADE THE CHOICE TO HEAD TO THE

STORE TO BUY MILK

SHE IS SO PRETTY THERESA, THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE

WORLD, WORKS AT MCHS!

IT ISN’T AS EASY AS SIMPLY TAKING OUT THE ISAMAREHAS WASWEREBE AND REPLACING IT WITH A NEW WORD. YOU MAY NEED TO REARRANGE THE ENTIRE SENTENCE!

SHE WAS WALKING TO THE STORE. SHE JOGGED TO THE STORE. **BOTH DON’T SOUND ANY BETTER!

DO NOT OVERUSE THE WORDS. IT IS FINE TO USE THEM, JUST DON’T OVERUSE THEM.

USE DIALOGUE TO CAPTURE APPROPRIATE CONVERSATIONS. THERE SHOULD BE QUITE A FEW AREAS OF DIALOGUE USED THROUGHOUT THE ESSAY.

EG: WHAT DID YOU TELL YOUR FRIEND WHEN YOU LEARNED OF YOUR MOM’S DEATH? HOW DID SHE RESPOND? USE DIALOGUE

EG:MY MOM YELLED AT ME. I SCREAMED BACK AT HER. INSTEAD USE DIALOGUE TO CAPTURE THE CONVERSATION OF WHAT WAS SAID TO YOU AND WHAT YOU SAID TO HER…EVOKE EMOTION

The doctor came out of the waiting room and spoke to our family to tell us our grandmother was very ill. Capture this conversation. What did the Doctor say to you? What did a person in your family say to them? Who spoke next (involves a little embellishment to evoke emotion)

Use similes and metaphors a minimum of once per body paragraph.

Simile: A cloud floated in the sky like a flag from the sky.

Simile: A Soul as white as heaven Simile: His anxiety hung like a dark

impenetrable cloud Simile: Her hands were as cold as ice

Metaphor: The typical teenage boy’s room is a disaster area.

Metaphor: Kisses are the flowers of love in bloom.

Metaphor: Sheila arrived a the store with an army of children

Use sentence variety: Step one: Underline seven sentences in a row Step two: On the left side of your essay in the

margin number 1 to 7 going straight down Step Three: Go back to the first sentence you

underlined and count the number or words you used in that sentence. Put that number next to the number 1 in the margin. Do the same for the next six sentences.

Look for patterns. Your numbers should be fairly different and not look like: 5, 6,4, 7, 8,5,9. It should look like: 3, 13, 5, 9, 12, 8, 5

Use this PowerPoint to help you revise your essay into RD 2.

RD 2 should be shorter RD 2 should evoke more emotion RD 2 should have a fairly developed voice and

style RD 2 should be MUCH MUCH BETTER THAN RD

1. It should take you a minimum of one hour to 90

minutes if you are truly putting in effort. (more like 2 hours)