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Title:CollectedStoriesAuthor:ThomasLovePeacock*AProjectGutenbergofAustraliaeBook*eBookNo.:0606181.txtLanguage:EnglishDatefirstposted:August2006Datemostrecentlyupdated:August2006
ThiseBookwasproducedby:RichardScott
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CollectedStoriesThomasLovePeacock
TableofContents
TheLastDayofWindsorForest
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Calidore
THELASTDAYOFWINDSORFOREST
MANYofmyyounger,andsomeofmymatureryears,werepassedonthebordersofWindsorForest.Iwasearlygiventolongwalksandruralexplorations,andtherewasscarcelyaspotoftheParkortheForest,withwhichIwasnotintimatelyacquainted.Thereweretwoverydifferentscenes,towhichIwasespeciallyattached:VirginiaWater,andadellnearWinkfieldplain.
ThebankofVirginiaWater,onwhichthepublicenterfromtheWheatsheafInn,isbordered,betweenthecascadetotheleftandtheirongatestotheright,bygrovesoftrees,which,withtheexceptionofafewoldonesnearthewater,havegrownupwithinmymemory.TheywereplantedbyGeorgetheThird,andtheentirespacewascalledtheKing'sPlantation.Perhapstheyweremorebeautifulinanearlieragethantheyarenow:orImaysothinkandfeel,throughthegeneralpreferenceofthepasttothepresent,whichseemsinseparablefromoldage.Inmyfirstacquaintancewiththeplace,andforsomeyearssubsequently,sittinginthelargeupperroomoftheInn,Icouldlookonthecascadeandtheexpanseofthelake,whichhavelongbeen
maskedbytrees.
VirginiaWaterwasalwaysopentothepublic,throughtheWheatsheafInn,exceptduringtheRegencyandReignofGeorgetheFourth,whonotonlyshutupthegrounds,butenclosedthem,wheretheywereopentoaroad,withhigherfencesthaneventheoutsidepassengersofstage-coachescouldlookover,thathemightbeinvisibleinhispunt,whilefishingonthelake.WilliamtheFourthloweredthefences,andre-openedtheoldaccess.
WhileGeorgetheThirdwasking,VirginiaWaterwasaverysolitaryplace.Ihavebeentheredayafterday,withoutseeinganothervisitor.Nowithasmanyvisitors.Itisasourceofgreatenjoyment
tomany,thoughnolongersuitabletoLesReveriesd'unPromeneurSolitaire.
Astillmoresolitaryspot,whichhadespecialcharmsforme,wasthedeepforestdellalreadymentioned,onthebordersofWinkfieldPlain.Thisdell,Ithink,hadthenameoftheBourne,butIalwayscalledittheDingle.Inthebottomwasawatercourse,whichwasastreamonlyintimesofcontinuousrain.Oldtreesclotheditonbothsidestothesummit,anditwasafavouriteresortofdeer.Iwasawitnessoftheirbanishmentfromtheirforest-haunts.Thedellitselfremainedsometimeunchanged:butIhavenotseenitsince1815,whenIfrequentlyvisiteditincompanywithShelley,duringhisresidenceatBishopgate,ontheeasternsideofthePark.Idonotknowwhat
changesitmayhavesinceundergone.Notmuch,perhaps,beingnowaportionofthePark.ButmanyportionsoftheParkanditsvicinity,aswellasoftheimmediateneighbourhoodofWindsor,whichwerethenopentothepublic,haveceasedtobeso,andsuchmaybethecasewiththis.Ihaveneverventuredtoacertainthepoint.Inalltheportionsoftheoldforest,whichweredistributedinprivateallotments,Iknowwhattoexpect.Ishrinkfromtheghostsofmyoldassociationsinscenery,andnever,ifIcanhelpit,revisitanenclosedlocality,withwhichIhavebeenfamiliarinitsopenness.
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WordsworthwouldnotvisitYarrow,becausehefearedtodisappointhisimagination:
BeYarrowstreamunseen,unknown!Itmust,orweshallrueit:Wehaveavisionofourown.Ah!whyshouldweundoit?Thetreasureddreamsoftimeslongpast.We'llkeepthem,winsomeMarrow!Forthenwe'rethere,although'tisfair.'TwillbeanotherYarrow.
Yet,whenheafterwardsvisitedit,thoughitwasnotwhathehaddreamed,hestillfounditbeautiful,andrejoicedinhavingseenit:
Thevapourslingerroundtheheights:Theymelt,andsoonmustvanish:Onehouristheirs,normoreismine:SadthoughtwhichIwouldbanish.ButthatIknow,where'erIgo.ThygenuineimageYarrow!Willdwellwithme,toheightenjoy.Andcheermymindinsorrow.
Hefoundcompensationinthereality,forthedifferenceoftheimaginedscene:butthereisnosuchcompensationforthedisappointmentsofmemory:andwhen--intheplaceofscenesofyouth,wherewehavewanderedunderantiquetrees,throughgrovesandglades,throughbushesandunderwood,amongfern,andfoxglove,andboundingdeer;where,perhaps,every"minutestcircumstanceofplace"hasbeennotonly"asafriend"initself,buthasrecalledsomeassociationofearlyfriendship,oryouthfullove--wecanonlypassbetweenhighfencesalongdustyroads,Ithinkitbesttoavoidthesightofthereality,andtomakethebestofcherishingatadistance
Thememoryofwhathasbeen.Andnevermorewillbe.
Idonotexpress,orimply,anyopiniononthegeneralutilityofenclosures.Forthemostpart,theyillustratethescripturalmaxim:"Tohimthathathmuch,muchshallbegiven;andfromhimthathathlittle,shallbetakenawayeventhelittlehehath."Theyare,likemosteventsinthisworld,"Goodtosome,badtoothers,andindifferenttothemajority."Theyaregoodtothelandowner,whogetsanadditiontohisland:theyarebadtothepoorparishioner,wholoseshisrightsofcommon:theyarebadtotheloverofruralwalks,forwhomfootpathsareannihilated:theyarebadtothose,frowhomthescenesoftheiryouthareblottedfromthefaceoftheworld.Theselastareofnoaccountinledgerbalances,whichprofesstodemonstratethatthelossofthepoorismorethancounterbalancedby
thegainoftherich;thattheaggregategainisthegainofthecommunity;andthatallmattersoftasteandfeelingarefitlyrepresentedbyacypher.Sobeit.
GeorgetheFourth'sexclusionsandhighfenceshadnot,however,effectuallysecuredtohimthesecrecyhedesired.Onaneminenceoutsideoftheroyalgrounds,stood,andstillstands,inthemidstofapine-grove,atower,whichfromitsformwascommonlycalledtheClock-case.Thistower,andthelandroundit,hadbeensoldforasmallsum,asalotinasaleofCrownLands.Thetowerwasintwoor
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threestories,andwasinhabitedbyapoorfamily,whohadatelescope,supplied,mostprobably,bythenewproprietor,ontheplatformoftheroof,whichrosehighabovethetrees,andcommandedanextensiveviewofthelake.Thistoweranditsgroundsbecameaplaceofgreatresortforpic-nicparties,andvisitorsofallkinds,whokeptupaperpetualsuccessionatthetelescope,whiletheRoyalAnglerandhisfaircompanionwerefishing.Thisbecameanintolerablenuisancetothewould-be-recluse.Hesetonfootanegociationforre-purchasingtheClock-case.Thesumdemandedwasmanytimesthemultipleofthepurchase-money.Thedemandwasforsometimeresisted,buttheproprietorwasinflexible.Thesumrequiredwaspaid,thepropertyrevertedtotheCrown,andthepublicwereshutoutfromtheClock-caseanditsterritory.WhenWilliamtheFourthsucceeded,thisstorywastoldtohim,andhesaid:"Agoodplaceforaview,isit?Iwillputanoldcoupleintoit,andgivethematelescope:"whichwasdonewithoutlossoftime.Isawandconversedwiththisoldcouple,andlookedthroughtheirtelescope.
Aboutthesametime,WilliamtheFourthwassittingoneSundayeveninginawindowofWindsorCastle,whentheterracewasthrongedwithpeople.
Aheavyraincameon,andthepeopleraninalldirections.Hesaidtoonenearhim:"ThisisthestrangestthingIeversaw:somany
Englishpeople,withoutanumbrellaamongthem."Hewastoldthat,byorderofhislateMajesty,umbrellaswereprohibitedontheterrace."Then,"hesaid,"lettheprohibitionbeimmediatelywithdrawn."
Intheearlydaysofhisreign,hewasfondofwalkingabout,notonlyinWindsor,butinLondon.Itpleasedhimtobeamongthepeople.Inoneofhiswalks,henoticed,inWindsorLittlePark,aboardwithaninscription,bywhichallpersonswere"ordered"tokeepthefootpath.Hedesiredthat"requested"mightbesubstituted.Hewastoldthat"requested"wouldnotbeattendedto.Hesaid:"Iftheywillnotattendto'requested'thatistheiraffair:Iwillnothave'ordered.'"
Amostgood-natured,kind-heartedgentlemanwasWilliamtheFourth:buttorecordthemanyinstancesofgoodfeelinginhissayingsanddoings,whichcamewithinmyknowledge,wouldbeforeigntothepurposeofthepresentpaper.
TheActfortheenclosureofWindsorForestcontainedthefollowingclause:--
WINDSORFOREST.
53rdGeorgeIII.Cap.158.
LXIV.--Andbeitfurtherenacted,Thatfromandafterthefirstday
ofJulyonethousandeighthundredandfourteen,allandsingulartheLands,TenementsandHeridamentswithinthesaidrespectiveParishesandLiberties(saveandexceptsuchPartsthereofrespectivelyasarenoworshallormaybecomevestedinHisMajesty,oranyPersonorPersonsinTrustforHimbyvirtuehereof)shallbe,andthesameisandareherebydisafforestedtoallIntentsandPurposeswhatsoever;andthatfromthenceforthnoPersonorPersonsshallbequestionedorliabletoanyPain,PenaltyorPunishmentforhunting,coursing,killing,destroyingortakinganyDeerwhatsoeverwithinthesame,saveandexceptwithinsuchPartorPartsthereof(ifany)asshallbe
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enclosedwithinPalesandkeptforaParkorParksbytheOwners,Lesees,orTenantsthereof.
Therecanbelittledoubt,thattheexceptioninfavouroftheCrownwasintendedtoapplytoalltheprovisionsofthelause:butitwasheldbyCounsellearnedinlaw,thatitappliedtothefirsthalfonly,andthat,afterthespecifiedday,itwaslawfultokilldeerinanyportionoftheoldforest,notenclosedwithpales,whethersuchportionhad,orhadnot,beenvestedintheCrown.TheCrownallotmenthadbeenleftasitwas.Armedwiththisopinion,afarmerofWaterOakley,whoserealnameIhaveforgotteninhisassumedname,callinghimselfRobinHood,andtakingwithhimtwoofhismen,whomhecalledScarletandLittleJohn,salliedforthdailyintotheforesttokilltheking'sdeer,andreturnedhomeeveryevening,loadedwithspoil.
LordHarcourt,whowasthenDeputyRangeroftheForest,anddischargedallthedutiesofsuperintendence(fortheRanger,whowasaRoyalHighness,ofcoursedidnothing),wentforthalso,astherepresentativeofMajesty,toputdowntheseaudacioustrespassers.Inmyforestrambles,Iwasawitnesstosomeoftheiraltercations:LordHarcourtthreateningtoruinRobinHoodbyprocessintheCourtofExchequer;RobinHoodsettinghimatdefiance,flourishingtheActofParliament,andsaying:"MyLord,ifyoudon'tknowhowtomakeActsofParliament,I'llteachyou."
Oneday,IwaswalkingtowardstheDingle,whenImetamanwithagun,whoaskedme,ifIhadseenRobinHood?Isaid,Ihadjustseenhimatalittledistance,indiscussionwithLordHarcourt,whowasonhorseback,RobinHoodbeingonfoot.Heaskedmetopointoutthedirection,whichIdid;andinreturnIaskedhim,Whohemightbe?Hetoldme,hewasScarlet.Hewasapleasant-lookingman,andseemedasmerryashisoriginal:likeoneinhighenjoymentofsport.
Thiswentonsometime.ThelawwasnotbroughttobearonRobinHood,anditwasfinallydeterminedtosettlethematter,bydrivingthedeeroutoftheforestintothePark.Tworegimentsofcavalrywereemployedforthispurpose,whichwaskeptassecretaspossibe,
foraconcourseofpeoplewouldhavebeenaseriousimpedimenttotheoperation.Ireceivedintelligenceofitfromafriendatcourt,whopointedouttomeagoodposition,fromwhichtoviewthecloseoftheproceedings.
Mypositionwasonrisingground,coveredwithtrees,andoverlookinganextensiveglade.Theparkwasonmylefthand:themainpartoftheforestontherightandbeforeme.Awideextentoftheparkpalinghadbeenremoved,andropefencinghadbeencarriedtoagreatlength,atobliqueanglesfromtheopening.Itwasaclearcalmsunnyday,andforatimetherewasaprofoundsilence.Thiswasfirstbrokenbythefaintsoundofbugles,answeringeachother'ssignalsfromremotepointsinthedistance:drawingnearerbydegrees,andgroing
progressivelyloud.Thecametwoorthreestragglingdeer,boundingfromthetrees,andflyingthroughtheopeningoftheparkpales.Thencamegreaternumbers,andultimatelycongregatedherds:thebeatingsoftheirmultitudinousfeetmingledwiththetramplingoftheyetunseenhorses,andthefullsoundsofthebugles.Lastappearedthecavalry,issuingfromthewoods,andrangingthemselvesinasemi-circle,fromhorntohornoftheropefencing.Theopenspacewasfilledwithdeer,terrifiedbythechace,confusedbytheirownnumbers,andrushinginalldirections:thegreaterpartthroughtheparkopening:manytryingtoleaptheropefencing,inwhichafew
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werehurt;andoneortwosucceeded:escapingtotheiroldhaunts,mostprobablytofurnishRobinHoodwithhislastvenisonfeast.Bydegrees,themassgrewthinner:atlast,allhaddisappeared:theropefencingshutuptheparkforthenight:thecavalryrodeofftowardsWindsor:andallagainwassilent.
Thiswas,withoutanyexception,themostbeautifulsightIeverwitnessed:butIsawitwithdeepregret:for,withtheexpulsionofthedeer,thelifeoftheoldsceneswasgone,andIhavealwayslookedbackonthatday,asthelastdayofWindsorForest.
CALIDORE
CHAPTERI
NOTWITHSTANDINGthegreatimprovementsofmachineryinthisrapidlyimprovingage,whichissomuchwiser,better,andhappierthanallthatwentbeforeit,everygentlemanisnotyetaccommodatedwiththe
convenienceofapocketboat.*WemaythereforereadilyimaginethatMissAp-NannyandhersisterEllen,thedaughtersoftheVicarofLlanglasrhyd,werenotalittleastonishedinaSundayeveningwalkontheseashore,whenalittleskiff,which,bytherapidityofitsmotionhadattractedtheirattentionwhilebutaspeckuponthewaves,ranuponthebeach,fromwhichemergedaveryhandsomeyounggentleman,dressednotexactlyinthenewestfashion,who,aftertakingdownthesailandhaulinguptheboatuponthebeach,carefullyfoldeditupinthesizeofaprayer-bookandtransferredittohispocket:afterwhichheturnedhimselftothesea,and,scoopingupsomewaterinthehollowofhishand,poureditdownagaininthemannerofalibation,callingonthenamesofNeptuneandBromian*JupiterandProteusandTritonandtheNereids.Thenturningtowards
therockshespreadopenhisarmsandinvokedtheNymphs,themountains,therivers,thelakes,thefields,thesprings,thewoods,andthesea-shore,bytheseveralappellationsofOreads,andNaiads,andLimniads,andLimoniads,andEphydriads,andDryadsandHamadryads.Hedidnotnoticetheyoungladiestillhehadcompletedthisoperation,andwhenhelookedroundanddiscoveredthemheseemedalittleconfused,butmadethemaverycourteousbowinafinebutrathersingularstyleofancientpoliteness.Fromthemomentofhisfirstlanding,andthecommencementofthecuriousprocessoffoldinguphisboat,MissAp-Nannyhadbeendyingwithcuriosity,andhadconsultedhersisterEllenastotheproprietyofaddressingthestranger,having,however,fullymadeuphermindbeforehandasusualwithyoungladieswhentheyaskadvice.
ThestrangersparedEllenthetroubleofgivingheropinionbyadvancingandpolitelyenquiringiftherewereanysuchthingasatownorinnintheneighbourhood?thosebeingthings,hesaid,forwhichhewasinstructedtoenquire.MissAp-Nannyinformedhim,infiftytimesasamnywordsaswerenecessary,thattherewasnotownwithinmanymiles,butaverygoodinnfortheaccommodationofpicturesquetourists,keptbyaverypolitewell-behavedaccommodatingoldwoman,namedGwynethOwen,whosepoordearhusbandwasgonetoAbraham'sbosom."Ihopehewillnotstaytherelong,"saidthe
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stranger,touchedapparentlywithsympathybytheruefulaspectwithwhichMissAp-Nannydeemeditexpedienttopronouncetheselatterwords.Thehawk's-eyesofMissAp-Nannydistendedwithamazement:butsheproceededtopointoutthewaytotheinn,observingatthesametime:"Youseemtobeastrangerhere,sir"--"Perfectly,sweetlady,"wasthereply,whichleftMissAp-Nanny'scuriosityasunsatisfiedasbefore,thoughherwidemouthwaspursedupintoasmilebythecourteousappellative,forshewasnotesteemedabeautyinthissinfulgeneration,thoughshehadeyeslikethefish-poolsbythegateofBath-rabbim,andanoselikethetowerofLebanonwhichlookstowardsDamascus.*Theseprepossessingfeatures,withthesubadditionoftwothincolourlesslips,likefadedthreadsofpinksilk,setaltogetherinacomplexionofsmokyyellowlikethewoodoftheBarberry-tree,over-shadedwithinflexiblemassesofcoarsecopper-colouredhair,andmountedonanecknotperhapsveryunlikethetowerwhichDavidbuiltforanarmoury,formedaltogetheracombinationoffemininecharmsthatmighthavewarmedtheheartofaJew,thoughitwasdoomedto"wasteitssweetnessonthedesertair"amongthetastelesssquiresofCambria.
"Yourwaytotheinn,"shepursued,"liestotheleftofthatrockypeak;whereyouwillseeanarrowpaththatwillbringyouintothepublicroad,whereyouwillfirstpassbythehouseofmypapa,thevicar."
Thiswassaidtogivethestrangeranotionofherconsequence,butheastonishedheragainbyasking:"Pray,whatisavicar?"
"Avicar,sir,"saidMissAp-Nanny,"Lordblessme!don'tyouknowwhatavicaris?"
Thestrangerhadtoomuchpolitenesstopressanyfurtherenquiryintoasubjectwhichtheladyseemedeitherunableorunwillingtoexplain,astowhatavicarmightbe,anddirectedhisattentiontohercompanion.AllthemildandmodestsimplicityofCambrianbeautyconcentereditsgentlegracesinthebeautifulEllen.Thesoftlightofherdark-browneyesindicatedarareandhappyunionof
sprightlinessandgentleness:hercomplexion,delicatelyfair,wastingedwiththenaturalrosesofserenityandhealth:herblackhaircurledgracefullyroundherivorytemples,underthebecomingWelshcostumeofablackhatandfeather:andhersymmetricalfiguresustainednodisadvantagefromthepressureofthesea-breezeuponherdrapery.*
Naturehadgiftedouryouthwithaverysusceptiblespirit,andthecontemplationofthisbeautifulcreaturefannedthedormantsparksofhisnaturalcombustibilityintoaninstantaneousconflagration.Whenweaddtothisthatthesewerethefirstunmarriedgirlshehadeverseen,itwillnotappearsurprisingthathewithdifficultyrestrainedhimselffromfallingatthefeetofthelovelyEllen,andproffering
himselftoheracceptanceashertrueanddevotedknight:butcallingtomindsomeprudentcounselsthathadbeencarefullyengravenonthetabletsofhismemory,touchingtheimportanceoftimeandplace,hetorehimselfawaywithaverypolitebowandaninarticulatevalediction;andfollowingthedirectionsofMissAp-Nanny,arrivedatthehospitabledoorsofminehostessGwynethOwen.
Theinnwasfilledwithpicturesquetouristswhohadarrivedinvariousvehiclesbythehelpofthosenoblequadrupedswhoconfersomuchdignityontheinsignificantbiped,thatifheventuretotravel
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withoutthemandresthisreceptiononhisownmeritsthedifferenceofhiswelcomemayservetoshewhimhowmuchmoreofhisimaginaryimportancebelongstohishorsethantohimself.Ourtravellerarrivingaloneandonfootwasreceivedwithhalfacourtesybythelandlady,andshewnintothecommonparlourwheretheincipientcoldoftheautumnaleveningwasdispelledbyanimmenseturffire,bywhichweresittingtwoelderlygentlemenoftheclericalprofession,recumbentinarmchairs,withtheireyeshalfshut,andtheirlegsstretchedoutsothatthepointsoftheirshoescameincontactatthecentreofthefender.Eachwassmokinghispipewithcontemplativegravity.Neitherspoke:normoved,exceptnowandthenasifbymechanism,tofillhisglassfromthejugofalethatstoodbetweenthemonthetable,andthemomentthisgoodexamplewassetbyonetheotherfolloweditinstantaneouslyandautomaticallyasthetwofiguresatStDunstan'sstrikeuponthebelltothegreatdelightofcockneys,amazementofrustics,andconsolationofpickpockets.Thestrangermadeseveralattemptstodrawthemintoconversation,butcouldnotsucceedinextractingmorethana"Hum!"fromeitherofthem.Atlengthoneofthereverendgentlemen,havingbuzzedthejug,articulated,withslowandminuteemphasis:"Willyoujoininanotherjug?"
"Hum!"saidtheother.
Aviolentrattlingofcopperensuedintheirrespectivecoatpockets;twoequalquantitiesofhalf-penceweredeliberatelycounteddownuponthetable;thebellwasrung,andthelittle,round,Welshwaiting-maidcarriedoutthemoney,andreplenishedthejuginsilence.Theywentonasbeforetilltheliquorwasexhausted,whenitbecametheother'sturntoaskthequestion,andthesameeventfulwords,"Willyoujoininanotherjug?"wererepeated,withthesameceremoniesandthesameresults.
Ourtraveller,inthemeanwhile,lookedoverhistabletsofinstruction.ThesetworeverendgentlemenweretheVicarofLlanglasrhydandtheRectorofBwlchpenbach.Therectorperformedafternoonserviceatachapeltwentymilesfromhisrectory,and
Llanglasrhydlyinghalf-waybetweenthem,heslepteverySundaynightundertheroofofGwynethOwen,wherehisdearestfriend,theVicarofLlanglasrhyd,methimtosmokeawaytheevening.TheyhadthuspassedtogethereverySundayeveningforfortyyears,andduringthewholeperiodhadscarcelysaidtenwordstoeachotherbeyondtheusualformsofmeetingandparting,and"Willyoujoininanotherjug?"Yetweretheirmeetingssointerwovenwiththeirhabitualcomfortsthateitherwouldhaveregardedthelossoftheotherasthegreatestearthlymisfortunethatcouldhavebefallenhim,andwouldnever,perhaps,havemusteredsufficientfirmnessofvoicetoaddressthesamequestion,"Willyoujoininanotherjug?"toanyotherhumanbeing.ItmayseemsingulartothosewhohaveheardtheextensiveformofWelshhospitalitythatthevicardidnotinvitetherectortopass
theseeveningsathisvicarage;butitmustberememberedthattheRectorofBwlchpenbachwaseveryweekatLlanglasrhydinthewayofhisbusiness,andthattheVicarofLlanglasrhydhadnobusinesswhatevertotakehimonanysingleoccasiontoBwlchpenbach;thereforethebalanceoftheconsumptionofalewouldhavebeenentirelyagainstthevicar,andastheyregularlydrankthreequartseachatasitting,oronehundredandfifty-sixquartsinayear,theRectorofBwlchpenbachwouldhaveconsumedinfortyyearssixthousandtwohundredandfortyquartsofale,withoutequivalentorcompensation,attheexpenseoftheVicarofLlanglasrhyd,acircumstancenottobe
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thoughtofwithoutvexationofspirit.
Ourtravellerfoldeduphistablets,rungthebell,andinquiredwhathecouldhaveforsupper,andwhatwinewastobehad?Thelandladyenteredwithatemptinglistofarticles,andenumeratedseveralnamesofwine.Thestrangerseemedperplexed,andatlengthsaidhewouldhavethemall,forhelikedtoseeawell-coveredtable,havingalwaysbeenusedtoone.Thelandladydroppedadoublecourtesy,andthereverendgentlemendroppedtheirpipes;thepipesbroke,andtheodorousemberswerescatteredonthehearth.
Whenthesuppersmoked,andthewinesparkledonthetable,thestrangerpressedthereverendgentlementojoinhim.Theydidnotindeedrequiremuchpressing,andassistedwithgreatindustryinthedemolitionofhisabundantbanquet:butsillnotasyllablecouldheextractfromeitherofthemexceptthattheVicarofLlanglasrhyd,whenhisheartwaswarmedwithMadeira,invitedtherectorandtheyoungstrangertobreakfastwithhimthenextmorningatthevicarage,whichthelatterjoyfullyaccepted,asheverywellbythistimeunderstoodthathislivelyandjovialcompanionwasthefatherofthebeautifulcreaturewhohadcharmedhimonthesea-shore.Hesatefromthistimeincontentedsilence,contemplatingthehappymeetingofthefollowingmorningwhilethereverendgentlemensippedtheliquidsofarandonlytillwiththeirusualfelicitoussympathytheyvanished
atthesameinstantunderthetable.Thelandladyandherhouseholdweresummonedtotheirassistance.TheVicarofLlanglasrhydwascarriedhomebythepostillions,andtheRectorofBwlchpenbachwasputtobedbytheostler.
CHAPTERII
OURYOUTHwasnotunmindfulofhisengagement,andrisingbetimes,sentuphiscomplimentstotherectorofBwlchpenbachtoknowifhewasreadytoaccompanyhimtothevicarage.Theostler,bydint
ofknochingathedoorandshouting"Ho!ho!ho!yourreverence!"succeededinwakingthereluctantrector,andinextractingaresponseveryoracularinitsbrevity,thepurportofwhichwasthathewastooqueasytorise.Thestrangerthereforeproceededtothevicaragewithouthim,wherehefoundthelovelyEllenintheparlouralone,towhomhefoundhimselfundertheawkwardnecessityofexplainingthathecametobreakfastbythevicar'sinvitation;forthevicarhadbeencarriedhomeinastateofprofoundsleep,andhadcontinuedinthesamestatesansintermission,sothathisfamilynecessarilyremainedinprofoundignoranceofhisappointment.Ellenranupstaiesandknockedatherfather'sdoortoannouncethestarnger'sarrival,buthevicarsympathisedinqueasinesswithhisfriendtherector,andmurmuredaninjuctiontohiswifeanddaughterstodothehonoursof
thehouse.MissAp-Nanny,hearinghersister'scommunication,skippeddownstairsbythreestepsatatime,determinednottoletthestrangerescapeagainwithoutgratifyinghercuriosityabouthimselfandhisbaot.MrsAp-Nanny,agraveandsolemnmatron,assilentasherhusband,nextmadeherappearance,andthebeautifulhandsofEllenpreparedthetea.
"Ellen,mydear,"saidMissAp-Nanny,"perhapsMr--Ibegthe
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gentleman'spardon,Ihavenotthepleasureofknowinghisname."
"Myname,"saidthestranger,"isCalidore."
"Aforeignname,Ipresume,"saidMissAp-Nanny.
"Probably,"saidthestranger.
"But,dearme,sir,surelyyoumustknowsomethingaboutyourownname!"
"Certainly,"saidCalidore,stealingglancesallthewhileatEllen,andperfectlydistrait.
"Allowmetohandyousometoast:youmusthavehadaverypleasantsailyesterday."
"Verypleasant!"
"Didyoucomefar?"
"Veryfar."
"FromIrelandperhaps."
"NotfromIreland."
"Thenyoumusthavecomealongwayinsuchasmallboat,suchaverysmallboat."
"Notsoverysmall:itisoneofourbestseaboats."
"Doyoucarryyourbestseaboatsinyourwaistcoatpockets?ThenIsupposeinyourgreat-coatpocketsyoucarryyourshipsoftheline!--But,dearme,sir,youmustcomefromaverystrangeplace."
"Icomefromapartoftheworldwhichisknowntotherestbythe
nameofTerraIncognita.Iamnotatlibertytosaymoreconcerningit."
"But,sir,ifitisafairquestion,whathasbroughtyoutoWales?"
"Ihavelandedonthisshorebyaccident.MypresentdestinationisLondon.Iamtoremaininthisislandtwelvemonths,andreturnwithawifeandaphilosopher."
"Godblessme!whatcanTerraIncognitawantwithaphilosopher,andhowareyoutotakethemaway?"
"Inthesameboatthatbroughtme."
"Why,whodoyouthinkwilltrustherself?Youwouldlikesomemoretea?--Ellen,mydear,doyouthinkanyladywouldtrustherself?"
"Ifshehadloveenough,"saidEllen.
"Creamandsugar?"saidMissAp-Nanny.
"Theboatisperfectlysafe,"saidthestranger,lookingatEllen."Icouldgothroughahurricanewithit."
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"Love,tobesure,willdoanything,"saidMissAp-Nanny,"but,Lordblessme!Praytakeanegg;andtobesureitwouldbeworthsomeriskjustinthewayofcuriositytoseeTerraIncognita.Theymustbeverystrangepeople,butwhattheycanwantofaphilosopherIcannotimagine.Ihopeifyoubringhimthiswayyouwillkeephimmuzzled,formypapasaystheyareveryterriblemonsters,fiendsofdarknessandimpsofthedevil.Iwouldnottrustmyselfinaboatwithonefortheworld.Wouldyou,Ellen,mydear?"
"Ishouldnotbemuchafraid,"saidEllen,smiling,"ifhewereinthehandsofasafekeeper."
"Wehaveaphilosopherortwoamongusalready,"saidthestranger,"andtheyarebynomeanssuchformidableanimalsasyouseemtosuppose."
"Butmypapasaysso,"saidMissAp-Nanny.
"Ibowacquiescence,"saidthestranger,"butperhapstheWelshvarietyisapeculiarlyfiercebreed."
"IamhappytosaythereisnotoneinallWales,"saidMissAp-Nanny.
"IheartheyruntameinLondon,"saidEllen.
"Thenyouarenotsomuchafraidofthemasyoursister,saidthestranger.
"Notquite,"saidEllen,smilingagain,"IthinkIwouldventureintothesameroomwithoneevenifhewerenotinanironcage."
"Oh,fie,Ellen,"saidMissAp-Nanny,"thatiswhatyoucallhavingliberalopinions.Icannotimaginewhereyougotthem.Iamsureyoudidnotlearnthemfromme.Doyouknow,sir,Ellenisveryheterodox.MypapaactuallydetectedherinthefactofreadingawickedbookcalledPrinciplesofMoralScience,which,withhisusualsweet
temper,heput,withoutsayingaword,behindthefire.Hesaysliberalopinionsareonlyanothernameforimpiety."
"Dear,goodman!"saidMrsAp-Nanny,openinghermouthforthefirsttime,"heneverwasguiltyofaliberalopinioninthecourseofhislife."
MrsAp-Nannylefttheroomshortlyafterbreakfasttosuperintendtheaffairsofthehousehold;andMissAp-Nanny,whowashersecreatryofstatefortheculinarydepartment,wascalledouttoassistinconsultationwhetherleekporridgeorbutteredaleshouldbeadministeredtothequeasyvicar:for,thoughtheoldgentlemanpreferredthelatter,MrsAp-Nannywasofopinionthattheformerwas
moremedicinal,andthevicarwasoneofthatnumerousclassofBenedicts*ofwhomtheirwivestakesomuchcareintheirindispositions,thattheyareneversufferedtoconsulttheirowntastesinanyoftheessentialpracticeofthescienceofdietetics.Onthisoccasion,however,thevicarwasrousedtoexertion,andwassoAthanasian*inhisinvectivesagainsttheleekporridge,andsoJeremitaylorically*patheticinhisentreatiesforthebutteredale,thattheheartofMrsAp-Nannywassoftened,andthealewaspreparedaccordingly.
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Whetheritwasowingtotheexertionhehadusedinobtainingtheale,ortothealeitself,ortobothinconjunction,wearenotpreparedtosay,butthevicarfoundhimselfsuddenlybetter,rose,dressedanddescended.Openingtheparlour-door,herecoiledseveralpacesinamazementtoseethestrangeronhiskneesbeforehisdaughterEllen,intheactofmakingpassionatelove,andEllen,inthesimplicityofherheart,listeningtohimwithinterestedifnotdelightedattention.
"Heyday!"exclaimedthevicar,whowasdestinedthismorningtoexerthisenergiesmorethanhehaddonefortwentyyears,"Why,whatonearth--?IsthisyourreturnformyoldWelshhospitality,tobeginbyseducingmydaughter,thestaffofmylifenowthatIamstrickeninYears?"
"Iassureyou,sir,"saidCalidore,"Ihavenonebutthemosthonourablemotives."
"Howcanthatbe,sir,whenyouneversawherbeforethismorning?"
"Indeed,sir,Ibegyourpardon.Isawheryesterday."
"Oho!thenyoucameherebyappointment,andthiswastheschemebetweenyoutolayatrapformysobriety,andmakemeanaccomplice.
AndnowIrecollect,IdonotrecollectthatIgaveyouaninvitation,asyouwanttomakemetobelieveIdid."
"Nay,sir,yourfriendtherectorcanwitnessit."
"Sir,whatcanayoungmanofyourfigure--youlooklikeacourtier--meanbymakingloveatfirstsighttomydaughter?Whatcanyoumean,sir?Perhapsyouhaveheardthatshewillhaveathousandpounds,andthatmaybeatemptation."
"Money,"saidthestranger,"istomemerechaff."Andproducingabagfromhispocket,andshakingitbyonecorner,hescatteredontheflooraprofusionofgold.TheVicar,whohadseennothingbutpaper
moneyfortwentyyears,wasastonishedattheseyellowapparitions,andpickinguponeinspecteditwithgreatcuriosity.Ononesidewasthephenomenonofacrownedheadwithahandsomeandintelligentface,andthelegendARTHURUSREX.Onthereverse,alionsleepingatNeptune'sfeet,andthelegendREDIBO.
"Hereisaforeignpotentate,"saidtheReverendDrAp-Nanny,"whomIneverremembertohaveheardof.Pray,ishelegitimatebythegraceofGod,orablasphemousandseditioususurperwhomthepeoplehavehadtheimpudencetochooseforthemselves?"
"Heisverylegitimate,andhasanoldertitlethananyotherbeingintheworld."
"ThenIreverencehim,"saidtheVicar."OldAuthority,sir,oldAuthority,thereisnothinglikeoldAuthority.Butwhatdoyouwantwithmydaughter?"
"Candidly,sir,"saidthestranger,"Iamonaquestforawife,andamsofarinspiredbythegraceofVenus,Cupid,andJuno,thatIamwillingmyquestshouldendwhereitbegins--here."
"Onaquest!"exclaimedtheVicar;"Venus,Cupid,andJuno!Ah!Isee
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howitis.Rich,humoured,andtouchedinthehead.Pray,whatdoyoumeanbyJuno?"
"JunoPronuba,saidthestranger,thegoddessofmarriage."
"Isee,sir,youareinclinedtomakeajokeofbothmeandmydaughter.Sir,Imusttellyouthisveryunbecominglevity."
"Mydearsir,Iassureyou."
"Sir,itispalpable.Wouldanymanmakeaseriousproposaltoamanofmyclothforhisdaughter,andtalktohimofthegraceofVenusandCupidandJunoPronuba,thegoddessofmarriage?"
"Isweartoyou,sir,"saidthestranger,earnestly,"bythesacredheadofPan."
"Pan!"exclaimedthevicar."Sir!thisismostoutrageous.Ellen,mylove,fetchmeanothermugofbutteredale,formyexertionsexhaustme."
Ellendisappeared,gladofmomentaryrelief,forshehadbeensittinginastateofextremeembarrassment,withherhandscrossedonherlap,andherlooksfixedonthecarpet.Thevicarthrewhimselfinto
hisgreatarm-chair,andfannedhimselfwithhishandkerchief.ThestrangerstoodsilentlywatchingthedoorforthereappearanceofEllen,whoshortlyreturnedwiththemug,whichthevicar,taking,presentedtothestranger,saying:"Come,sir.Mywrath,whichwasgreat,mustnotmakemeunmindfulofoldWelshhospitality."
Calidoretookthemug,andsippedittopleasethevicar,havingfirstpouredasmallquantityofitonthefloor,saying:"Hilethi,Bacche!"*
"Really,sir,"saidthevicar,afteracopiousdraught,--"thisismostmonstrousandmostincomprehensible.Iwaxwarm,sir,inwrath."
Thetruthwasthatthevicarwasreallyangrywiththestranger'swordsandactions,butasoftenashecasthiseyesonthegoldenshoweronthefloorhefelthiswrathsuddenlymollifiedButhavingbrokentheiceofhisvoicehewentonlikeageneralthaw,tothegreatamazementofEllen,aswellasofMrsandMissAp-Nanny,who,hearingtheunusualrimbomboofhisgutturonasaleloquence,burstintotheroomtoascertainwhatwasthematter.
"Ideclare,"saidMrsAp-Nanny,"hereisthefloorcoveredwithmoney."
"Ideclare,"saidMissAp-Nanny,"hereispapainapassion."
"Iamso,"saidthevicar,"andwithveryorthodoxreason.Iaminagreatandveryexceedingpassion.IfoundthisyoungmanintheactofseducingEllen--"
"Nay,nay,dearpapa,"saidEllendeprecatingly.
"Oh!themonster!"saidMissAp-Nanny.
"Oh!horrid!"saidMrsAp-Nanny.
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"Andwiththisgold,Isuppose,"saidMissAp-Nanny."Didhethrowallthisgoldonthefloor?"
"Yes,"saidthevicar:"hethrowseverythingonthefloor:hethrewhimselfonthefloor:hethrewhismoneyonthefloor:hethrewmybutteredaleonthefloor."
"Andgreasedthecarpet,Iprotest!"screamedMrsAp-Nanny.
"AndhadtheimpudencetotalktomeaboutBacchus,"continuedthevicar;"andcalledPantowitnessthathewantedtomarrymydaughterbythegraceofVenusandCupidandJunoPronuba,thegoddessofmarriage:whichIthinkcomposesaltogetherthemostatrociousoutragethatwaseverofferedtoamanofmycloth."
"Iamsoinexperiencedinthemannersofthiscountry,"saidCalidore,"thatIdidnotknowthatthegreatestoutrageonegentlemancanoffertoanotheristoproposetomarryhisdaughter.IshouldhaveactedwithmorecircumspectionifIhadbeenawareofthisfact."
"Sir,"saidthevicar,"thereisnosuchfactbutinyourownhead,whichseemstobearepositoryforeverythingthatisnowhereelse,andfornothingthatiselsewhere.Sir,thevialofmywrathoverflows."
"Jupiterknows,"saidthestranger.
"Jupiter!"saidthevicar."DoyoutakemydaughterforDana',thatyoucomecourtingwithashowerofgold?Rallysir,Imustsay--"
"Certainly,"interruptedMissAp-Nanny,"itisamostextraordinaryproceedingforagentlemantolandoneeveningonastrangecoast,andbeginthenextmorningbymakinglovetooneofthetwofirstprettygirlshesees.ButEllenknowsbetterthantolistentosuchafly-awayoffer.Don'tyou,Ellen,mydear?"--Ellenwassilent.--"Why,blessme,thegirlisbewitched.Whatcanyouhavedonetoher,youwickedwretch,tobewitchhersocompletelyinsuchashortspaceof
time?"AndcombiningthisideaofEllen'sbewitchmentwiththoseofthegoldandthepocket-boat,theconvictionflasheduponherthatthestrangerwasonewhohadsoldhimselftothedevil;andunableinhersuddenpanictogiveutterancetotheidea,shefellbackinachairkickingandscreaminginafitofviolenthysterics.
"Water!water!"criedthevicar,andinhishurryandalarmpouredoverherforeheadtheremainderofhisbutteredale.
Ellenslippedawayintheconfusion,sentintheservantwiththewater,andmadeherescapeintothegarden.Thestrangersnatchedhisopportunityandpursuedher,whileDrandMrsAp-Nannywereengrossedwiththefaintingspinster.Calidore,afterafewdetoursamongthe
thickshadesofthegarden,foundEllenbythebanksofalittletorrent,thatflungitselfinrapiddescentdownaslopinghollowofrock.Shewassittingonarusticbenchunderatrelliswreathedwithclematis,whichshehadplantedandreared.Calidorethrewhimselfatherfeet.Ellenwasexceedinglydiscomposed.HeracquaintancewiththeyouthoftheothersexhadbeenlimitedtothejollysquiresandhuntingparsonsofCambria,andayoungandhandsomestranger,kneelingatherfeet,andbreathingpassionatelove,madeaverydazzlingimpressiononherinexperiencedandsusceptiblemind.Calidore,ontheotherhand,whohadcometoEnglandonaquestfora
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wife,hadbeenpreparedtofallinloveatamoment'snotice,andbeingthuspreparedonbothsidestheignitionwaseasyandthecombustionrapid.Ellenhowever,couldnotfeelperfectlyconvincedthatshehadreallymadesosuddenaconquest;nor,ifshehadbeensoconvinced,couldshehavesupposedthataflamesolightlykindledwouldnotbeaseasilydestroyed.Shetherefore,asusualonsimilaroccasions,assuredtheenamouredyouththatshehadnootherattachments;thatifhewerewhatheappearedtobeshemightintimefeelkindlydisposedtowardshim;entreatedhimtotakealittletimetoascertainifhismomentarypartialitywerelikelytocontinuepermanent;exhortedhimtoproceedtoLondon,asthatwashisdestination,andassuredhimthatifherevisitedthatpartofWalessheshouldbehappytoseehimagain.Calidore*couldnotbutacquiesceintheproprietyofallshesaid:and,encouragedbythesesweetwords,andbymuchsweeterlooks,hetorehimselfawayfromthegardenofthevicarage,returnedtotheinn,threwhimselfintoapost-chaise,andsetforwardforthemetropolis.Weshallleavehimtoenjoythemusicofhoofsandwheels,whilewegivesomeaccountofhisbirth,parentageandeducation.
CHAPTERIII
KINGARTHUR,afterthefatalbattleinwhichsomanyofhisknightsperished,andhehimselfwasdangerouslywoundedbythetraitorMordred,wasconveyedbytheLadiesorNymphsofthewatersonboardasmallvessel,whichmadefromthelandinthesightofDukeLukyonofGloster.Fatigueandexhaustionovercamethepainofhiswound,andhefellintoadeepsleep.Whenheawoke,underthemidnightmoon,hefoundhimselfmiraculouslywell.Merlinwasstandingbyhimonthedeckwithasmallbottle.HehadjustpouredfromitafewdropsuponArthur'swound,whichhadhealedimmediately.Lookinground,thekingfoundhimselfinthemidstoffamiliarfaces.HerecognisedhisdearGuenever,andherdearfriendSirLauncelot,andSirCawlineandhislady,andSirGawaineandSirKayandmanyothervaliantandcourteous
knightsandladiesbrightofblee,andlastnotleastinlovehisbutlerBedevere.
"HonestBedevere,"saidKingArthur,"iftherebeanythinginthisvesselanalogoustoabutteryandacellar,dothyofficeandletuseatanddrink.Thisisamerrymeetingindeed,forIthoughtwewerealldead."
"Thewilloffate,"saidMerlin,"secondedbymyartandthisvitalelixir,haswroughtthiseffect.Youmustforsakeyourkingdomforthepresent,butyoushallreturntoitby-and-bywithanumerouschivalry,andreigngloriousandvictoriousinBritain.Meanwhilewemustliveinasolitaryisland,inaseahithertounexplored,wherewe
mustenjoyourselvesaswellaswecantillthefatedhourofyourreturn."
"Verywell,"saidKingArthur;"andforthepresent,illuminateBedeverewithyourart,toassisthiminprocuringusasupper,fornoneofushaseatenanythingsincewewerekilled."
Merlinledthewholepartytothecabin,wheretheyfeastedjoyouslytillsunrise,andcontinuedtoliveaverymerrylifeduringthewholeoftheirvoyage.
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Whentheyapproachedthedestinedislandtheyweredelightedtoperceivethatitsaspectpresentedamostpromisingdiversityofmountain,valley,andforestreposinginthesunshineofadeliciousclimate.Twoverysingularpersonswerewalkingontheseashore;oneintheappearanceayoungandhandsomemanwithacrownofvine-leavesonhishead;theotherawildandsingularfigureinafinestateofpicturesqueroughnesswithgoat'shornsandfeetandalaughingface.AsthevesselfixeditskeelintheshoreandKingArthurandhispartylanded,thetwostrangersapproachedandinquiredwhotheywere,andwhencetheycame?--This,repliedMerlin,isthegreatKingArthur;thisishisfairqueen,Guenevere:andIamthepotentMerlin:thesearetheillustriousknightsoftheroundtable:andthisistheKing'sbutler,Bedevere.Thebutler,saidthefirststranger,shallbewelcome.Andsoshalltheladies,saidthesecond.Butastotherestofyou,pursuedthefirst,wemustknowyoualittlebetterbeforeweaccordyouourpermissiontoadvanceastepinthisisland.IamBacchus,andI,saidtheother,amPan.So,saidSirLauncelot,Ifindwehavetocontendwiththeevilpowers.Ifyoumeanusbythatappellation,saidBacchus,youwillfindustoostrongforyou.Thisislandistheretreatofallthegodsandgoddesses,geniiandnymphs,whoformerlyreignedinOlympus,anddweltinthemountainsandvalleysofGreeceandItaly.Thoughwehadnotmuchneedofmankind,wehadagreataffectionforthem,andlivedamongthemongoodterms
andinaninterchangeofkindoffices.Theyregaleduswiththeodoursofsacrifice,builtusmagnificenttemples,andespeciallyshowedtheirpietybysinginganddancing,andbeingalwayssocialandcheerful,andfullofpleasureandlife,whichisthemostgratifyingappearancethatmancanpresenttothegods.Butafteracertaintimetheybegantochangemostlamentablyfortheworse.Theydiscontinuedtheirsacrifices;theybrokeourimages,manyofwhichwehadsateforourselves;theycalledusfrightfulandcacophonousnames--BeelzebubandAmaimonandAstaroth:theyplunderedanddemolishedourtemples,andbuiltuglystructuresontheirruins,where,insteadofdancingandrejoicingastheyhadbeenusedtodo,anddelightinguswithspectaclesofhumanhappiness,theywereeternallysighingandgroaning,andbeatingtheirbreasts,anddroppingtheirlowerjaws,
andturningupthewhitesoftheireyes,andcursingeachotherandallmankind,andchauntingsuchdismalstavesthatweshutoureyesandears,and,flyingfromourfavouriteterrestrialscenes,assembledinabodyamongthecloudsofOlympus.Hereweheldacouncilastowhatwastobedonefortheamendmentofthesepervertedmortals;butJupiterinformedusthatnecessity,hismistress,andthatoftheworld,compelledhimtoacquiesceforatimeinthisconditionofthings,thatmankind,whohadneverbeengoodforagreatdeal,werenowbecomesoworthless,andwithalsodisagreeable,thatthewisestcoursewecouldadoptwouldbetoleavethemtothemselvesandretiretoanundisturbedislandforwhichhehadstipulatedwiththefates.Here,then,weare,andhavebeenforages.ThatmountainonwhichthewhitecloudsarerestingisnowMountOlympus,andtheredwellJupiter
andtheOlympiandeities.IntheseforestsandvalleysresidePanandSilenus,theFaunsandtheSatyrs,andthesmallnymphsandgenii.Idividemytimebetweenthetwo,forthoughmyhomeisOlympus,IhaveamostspecialfriendshipforPan.NowIhaveonlythistosay,thatifyoucomeheretomakefrightfulfaces,chauntlongtunes,andcurseeachotherthroughthenose,Igiveyoufairwarningtodepartinpeace:ifnot,weshallfindnotroubleinexpellingyoubyforce,asJupiterwilltestifytoyou.JupitergavetherequiredtestificationbyapealofthunderfromOlympus.
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MerlinandKingArthurfellontheirknees,andtherestoftheirpartyfollowedtheexample.
"GreatBacchusandmightyPan,"saidMerlin,"pityourignoranceandtakeusunderyourprotection,forifyoubanishusfromthishappyshore,ourvesselmustwanderovertheseasforever,liketheFlyingDutchmanthatistobe,andweareveryillvictualledforsuchanavigation."
"Speak,"saidBacchus.
Willyoudrink,andjoinwithmeInmidnightfeastandrevelry.AndsongswhosenotesshalltaketheirpaceFromanOlympicchariot-race.TillEchofromoursocialmirthShalllearntherestillaresoulsonearth.AndwithherhundredtonguesrepeatThetaletoJove'sownmountainseat?"
"Thatwillwe,"exclaimedKingArthurandMerlin.
"Thatwillwe,"shoutedtheknightsoftheroundtable.
"Thatwillwe,"vociferatedthebutler,withavoicelikethevoiceofthree.
"Speak,"saidPan.
"WillyedanceandboundwithmeAteveningroundtheoldoaktreeOrroundthetallandtuftedpine.Withwoodbinewreathedandeglantine.WhileFaunsshallpipe,andwoodnymphssweet.Thecymbalsclash,thetimbrelsbeat;Knightsanddamselsfairandfree.Willyejointhesesportswithme?"
"Thatwillwe,"exclaimedtheladiesofKingArthur'scourt.
"Thatwillwe,"exclaimedthekingandtheknightsandMerlinandthebutler.
"Rise,then,"saidBacchus:"rise,then,"saidFan,courteouslyassistingtheladies.
MercurycameflyingfromthecloudsonOlympusandpresentlyalightedamongthem."Icome,"saidhe,"toproposeatreatyofholyalliancebetweenthepowersofOlympusandthoseofFairyland.WhatsaysMerlin?"
"Itismydearestwish,"saidMerlin.
"Thenstretchforthyourwand."--Merlinstretchedforthhiswand:Bacchustoucheditwithhisthyrsus:avesselimmediatelyappearedintheoffing,fromwhichlandedOberonandTitania,andthewholeofthefairycourt.Panblewhishorn,andachorusofFauns,Satyrs,NymphsandGeniicamedancingfromthewoods.ApolloandVenuscamedownfromOlympus.Thehappyalliancewasconcludedimmediately.OberonraisedonthespotapalaceforKingArthur.BacchusmadeafountainofwinespringupinthehallandgaveitinchargetothebutlerBedevere.Panspreadasumptuousbanquet:andthewholeassemblyofGods,
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Nymphs,Genii,Fairies,Knights,andLadies,enteredatonceintothefullspiritoffestalharmony,feasting,singinganddancingtillIriscamedowntoinformApollothattheHourswerelookingforhim,asitwasnearthetimeofsunrise.
Itwasthevirtueofthisislandthatitsinhabitantswereexemptfromageandmortality:buttheydidnotasagreatphilosopherhasconjecturedthatpersonssimilarlycircumstancedwoulddo,"ceasetopropagate":onthecontrary,theladiesdeemedthemselvesboundinloyaltytoraiseanarmyforKingArthur,thatwhenthetimeshouldcomeforhimtorevisithiskingdom,hemightdosowithgloryandpower.Merlinassuming(bymeansofapureanticipatedcognition,asthetranscendentalistsexpressit)thefigureofMr.Malthus,madethemanorationontheevilsthatmightresultfromatoorapidincreaseofpopulation,inanislandwherenoonecoulddie,andwheretheymightpossiblybeunderthenecessityofremainingsomeages,expatiatingwithgreateloquenceonthevirtueofmoralrestraint;buthiseloquencewasthrownaway:leschosesalloientleurtrain:*andonemorning,beingthrownintoapanicbythesquealofanewbornchild,Merlincalledhisflyingchariot,andwaiteduponJupitertoentreathisinterferenceincheckingtheimpendingdangersofasuperabundantpopulation.JupiterconsultedwithJuno,andsentMercurywithamessagetoNecessity,theQueenoftheWorld.OnthereturnofMercury,JupiterassuredMerlinthatthereshouldbeonly
threechildrentoamarriage,andthatnomarriageshouldtakeplacebeforethepartiesweretwentyyearsofage:andhemightsatisfyhimselfbyaneasycalculationthatthisjudiciousarrangementwouldrestrainthepopulationoftheislandwithinthecapacityofitsproduce,foramuchlongerperiodofagesthanKingArthurandhisfollowerswerelikelytoinhabitit.
Thustheislandersincreasedinnumbersonlybyslowandregulargradations,andlivedmuchthesamekindoflifeasPindar,inhistenthPythian,ascribestotheHyperboreans,alifeeternallydiversifiedbysongsandfestaldances,thebreathingofpipesandtheresonanceoflyres,andbanquetsofprotractedfestivity,atwhichtheyboundtheirhairwithgoldenlaurelinhonourofApollo.Our
islanderswerelessexclusiveintheirgarlands,andforgotneither"themyrtleofVenusnorBacchus'svine."BacchusbecamesofondofthemthathewasalmostastrangerinOlympus,andseldomsightofKingArthur;andinturnthebutlerBedevereseldomlostsightofBacchus.
But,asUlyssesgrewwearyintheislandofCalypso,andcastalonginglooktowardstheshoresofItbaca,soKingArthuroftenfoundhimselfmuchtoocomfortablewherehewas,andlongedforthetimetocomewhenheshouldreturntohiskingdom,andflourishagainhisgoodswordEscalabor.Itwouldsometimeshappen,atlongandrareintervals,thattherewasanoddmalechild;andasitcouldnotbeexpectedthatthisunfortunatepersonshouldlivewithoutawife,and
beheldupasasolitaryandshiningexampleofthebeautyofmoralrestraint,Merlindeemeditmoreprudent,whenhearrivedatthemarriageableage,toprovidehimwithafairyboat,andsendhim,underrestrictionsofsecrecy,toEngland,tochooseawifeforhimself.OntheseoccasionsKingArthurenjoinedhimtoexamineaccuratelythestateofthecountry,thathemightjudgefromhisreportiftherewereagoodopeningforhisreturn.Merlintookthesameopportunityofprocuringallremarkablephilosophicalbooks,thathemighthaveanaccurateviewoftheprogressofhumanknowledge:andtheladieswerealwaysmostunmercifulintheircommissionsfor
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trinketsandjewellery.Todetailtheresultsofalltheseexpeditionswouldleadustoofarfromourpresentsubject.OnoneoccasionKingArthurwasinformedthatEnglandwasatthattimegovernedbyacowardlybraggadocio,whomhisbaronshadjustpentupinalittleislandintheThames,andweremakinghimdoandsayjustwhatevertheypleased.
"Theymusttreatkingswithmoreceremonymony,"saidKingArthur,"beforeItrustmyselfamongthem."
Onanotheroccasionheheardthathepeople'sfaceshadgrownlongerbyaninchanahalf;thattheywerealwayspsalm-singingan"seekingtheLord,"andnotfindinghimsoreadilyastheyexpected,hadamusedthemselvesenattendantwithcuttingofftheking'shead,andthaaFrenchwaghadmadethisepigramonthisoccasion:--
TheEnglish,intheirwayofmanagingthings.Dockthetailsoftheirhorses,theheadsoftheirkings;ButtheFrench,amongwhommorepolitenessprevails.Lettheirkingsweartheirheadsandtheirhorsestheirtails.
"Veryfacetiousindeed,"saidKingArthur,"butIhaveagreataversiontolongfaces,andhavetoomuchregardformyhorse'stailtotrustitamongthematpresent."
Onanotheroccasionhewastoldthatthepeoplehadrisenwithonevoiceagainstthedoctrineofdivineright,hadturnedoutalegitimatefanaticalScotchman,andimportedagraveDutchman,towhom,andhislawfulheirs,theyhadmadeoverthemselvesandalltheirposterityforever,andthatthistheycalledagloriousrevolution.
"Isee,"saidKingArthur,"Ibestirmyselfspeedily,ormylegitimacywillstandbutapoorchance."
"Waitalittle,"saidMerlin,"andyouwillseethedoctrineofdivinerightrisefromitsashesintheshapeofaplumpFrenchPhoenix,and
fattenitselfonthebloodandtreasureofEngland,tothegreatdelightandgloryofthenation."
Manyyearsnowpassedbywithoutanoddmalechild;andtheywouldhaveremainedintotalignoranceofwhatwaspassingintheoldworldbutforanaccidentwhichneverbeforehadhappenedonthoseshores--ashipwreck.*KingArthurandhisknightswereleadingthemidnightrevelry,incompanywithBacchusandPan,intheroyalpalace,carelessoftheroarofthemidnightstorm;whenthebutlerBedevereenteredandinformedthemthatavesselhadbeencastawayontheshore,andonlyonepersonhadescaped,whowassolicitingshelterandrefreshment."Refreshhim,"saidKingArthur,"thenbringhiminandletusseehim."
"Iwillsoonsethimtorights,"saidBacchus.
Alleyeswerefixedonthedoor,andwhenBedeverereopeneditthewholepartyrecoiledinsurpriseandalarmfromthestrangeapparitionthatentered.Athinfigure,inaclosesuitofblack,whichstucktohimthecloserfrombeingwetthroughwithsaltwater;afaceartificiallystretchedintopreposterouselongation;eyesofwhichlittlemorethanthewhiteswerevisiblelongstraighthairthathunglikeendsofblackropeoneachsideofahollowandsaffron-coloured
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face;compoundedaltogethersuchaphaenomenonasnoneofthepartyhadeverbeforeseenorimagined.Theapparitionpausedonthethreshold,andstretchingouthishandsandspreadinghislongthinfingers,exclaimed:-"Satanavaunt!Hastthouspreadthysnaresformeinthewilderness?SonsanddaughtersofBelial!leaveyourabominationsandlewdmeetingsandrevelries,andfallonyourkneesandhumbleyourselvesbeforetheLordwithfastingandmortificationandgodlygroans."
"Leaveyourgrimaces,"saidKingArthur,"andeat,drink,andbemerry."
"Ifanybemerry,"saidtheapparition,"lethimsingpsalms."
"Drink,"saidBacchus."HereisacupofChianforyou.IamtheroaringBacchus."
"Avaut!Beelzebub!"saidthespectre."Temptmenot.ChildrenofBelial,Isayuntoyou--"
"Stop--"saidArthur--
"Nowsaywhatmannerofmanartthou.Andwhitherwould'stthourove.
Andwhyhastthouthatcloudedbrow.AndisitforsomeevilvowOrforthyladylove?"
"Iamone,"saidthestranger,"whosefeetarejoyfulonthemountains,forhebringethgoodtidings."
"Soitshouldseem,"saidSirLauncelot,"byyourpleasantphysiognomy."
"IamamissionaryoftheNewLight,"pursuedthestranger."Thespirithasmovedmetowanderandcallbackthestraysheep,theheathenandthegentileintothefoldofsanctification.Butthewind
hathwhirledmeabout,andtheseahathcastmeforthamongyou.YouarethechildrenofBelial,andshallbecastintoouterdarkness."
"Iunderstandthisfellow,"saidBacchus."Heisoneofsamecastastheoldlamenters,whosedismalfacesandfrightfulnoisescompelledus,asamerematteroftaste;toforsaketheancientworld.Letmetalktohim.YouareamissionaryofthelewLight."
"VerilyIamachosenvessel."
WeareallstaunchHeathenshere.Youwouldliketoconvertus?"
"TrulyIwouldbaptiseyouinJordan,andwhitewashyourinwardman."
Verywell.Thereisaprophetesswholivesjustbyinacaverninthewood.Sheisanoracle.Converther,andwewillallfollow.Youhaveonlytogetthebestoftheargumentwithher,andyourvictoryiscomplete."
"IwillbuckleonthearmourofcontroversyandbeatdownSatanundermyfeet."
Panundertooktoshewhimtheway,andconductedhimtothecaveofa
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beautifulwood-nymph,withwhomhelefthim.
Amonthpassedaway,andtheyheardnothingofhim,tillonenight,whilethepalacewasresoundingwiththesoundsofmusicandthefeetofthedancers,thewood-nymphappearedamongthem,followedbythechosenvessel.Itwaswithdifficultythattheyrecognisedhim,forhewasinthedressofaBacchanal;hishairwascurlingandboundwithawreathofvine-leaves;hisfacewasround;hiseyessparkled;hisrighthandbrandishedathyrsus,andinhislefthecarriedagoblet,whichheheldoutwithasignificantBacchicgesturetoBedevere.Bedeverefilleditwithwine,andthemissionary,advancingtoBacchus,pouredalibationbeforehimandkneltononeknee.Bacchusraisedhimup,embracedhimwithdelightandsaid:"Thenymph,Isee,hadthebestoftheargument."
"Shehasconvertedme,Iconfess,"saidthemissionary.
"Bywhatprocessoflogic,"saidBacchus,"wewillnotenquiretooclosely."
Theproselytesmiled:thenymphblushed,and,takinghimbythehand,ledhimintothemazesofthedance,wherehefrolickedthegayestofthegay.
"Iprotest,"saidQueenGuenever,"heisreallyhandsomefellow.Whowouldhavethoughtit?"Suchisthedifference,"saidBacchus,"betweencheerfulandgloomycreeds.Cheerfulnessisthegreatsourceandfountainofbeauty:buttheugliestobjectinnatureisahumanvisagedistortedbyafanaticalfaith."
KingArthurlearnedfromthisnew-comerthatallEuropewasinanuproar;thattheswinishmultitudehadbrokenloose,andwasplayingacupandballwithsceptresandcrowns."Well,"saidKingArthurtoMerlin,"whatsayyounow?"
"Isay,"saidMerlin,"asIhavealwayssaid:--'Patience!'"
"Youhavesaidso,"saidKingArthur,"anytimethesethousandyears."
"Butyouseeveryclearly,"saidMerlin,"thingsarecontinuallygettingbetter."
"Imaintain,"saidKingArthur,"theyarecontinuallygettingworse:forIamcertainthatthoughinmytimetherewerinBritainmanymonsters'whomIandmygoodknightsdidslay,'therewerenosuchmonstersasthesechosenvessels,ofwhomitseemsthereareswarmsinthatcountrynow."
"Thatisanoscillation,"saidMerlin,"anaccidentalvariation,or,tospeakmorecorrectly,asecularmoralequation,asIwillprove--;"
andMerlinbeingaperfectibilianandKingArthuradeteriorationist,theyimmediatelylapsedintoanargumentonapointwhichtheyhadarguedforathousandyears,andwereofthesameopinionsstill.
ThechosenvesselbecameanewlightamongtheGentiles,andanespecialdarlingofBacchusandPan.Thefirst-fruitofhistheologicalcontroversywiththewood-nymphwasourheroCalidore:andtheyearwhichplacedCalidoreonthemarriageablelist,thenumberofmalesexceedingthatoffemalesbyone,thelotfellonhimtoset
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sailinthefairy-boatandchooseawifeforhimselfinEngland.HewaschargedwiththeusualcommissionsfromtheladiesandMerlin,withthisadditionfromthelatter,thatbeingdesiroustounderstandtheprogressofthingsvivavocefromaphilosopher,hecommissionedhimtobringover,onanyterms,thefinestphilosopherhecouldbuy.
CHAPTERIV
THEFIRSTobjectofCalidoreonarrivinginLondonwastochangesomeofhisgoldArthursintothecirculatingmediumofthecountry,andonmakinginquiryathishotel,hewasdirected,forthispurpose,toaspaciousstonebuildingwithhighwallsandnowindows.Alightingfromhishackney-coach,withamoney-boxinhishand,hewanderedthroughalabyrinthofpavedcourtsandspaciousroomsfilledwithsmoky-facedclerksandsolidglobesofJews,throughsomeofwhichhehadgreatdifficultyinforcinghisway.Aftersometime,hediscoveredtheofficehewanted,presentedhisgold,whichwasdulytried,weighed,andcarefullyremovedfromhissight.Thesumwasenouncedwithverydistinctarticulation,andapieceofpaperwasgiventohim,withwhichhewassenttoanotherplace.
"Howwouldyoulikeit,sir?"saidalittlesharp-nosedmanwithaquillbehindhisear.
"Inthecirculatingmediumofthiscity,"saidCalidore.
"ButImean,sir,inwhatportions?"
"Innoportions:Iwishtohaveitallatonce."
"Thousands,sir?saidthelittleman."
"Thespecifiedsum,sir,saidCalidore.--Thelittlemanputintohishandseveralslipsofpaper."
"Well,sir!"saidCalidore,"whatamItodowiththese?"
"Whateveryouplease,sir,saidthelittleman,smiling.IwishIcouldsayasmuchformyself."
"Iammuchobligedtoyou,saidCalidore;andIhavenodoubtyouareanexceedinglyfacetiousandagreeableperson;but,atthesametime,ifyouwouldhavethegoodnesstodirectmewhereIcanreceivemymoney."
"Sir,saidthelittleman,thatisyourmoney."
"This!"
"Certainly,sir;that."
"Whatwouldyouhave?"
"Goldcoin,tobesure,saidCalidore."
"Goldcoin!Iamafraid,sir,youareadisaffectedmanandaJacobin,oryouwouldnotaskforsuchathing,whenIhavegivenyouthebest
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moneyintheworld.Pray,sir,lookatit--youareastranger,perhaps--lookatit,sir;that'sall."
Calidorelookedatoneofthepiecesofpaper,andreadaloud:"IpromisetopaytoMrHenryHare--OneThousandPounds--JohnFigginbotham.--Well,sir;andwhathaveItodowithJohnFigginbotham'spromisetopayathousandpoundstoHenryHare?"
"JohnFigginbotham,sir,havingmadethatpromise,andputituponthatpaper,makesthatpaperworthathousandpounds."
"ToHenryHare,saidCalidore."
"Toanyone,saidthelittleman.Youoverlookthewords:orbearer.Now,sir,youarethebearer."
"Iunderstand.JohnFigginbothampromisestopaymeathousandpounds."
"Precisely."
"Then,sir,ifyouwillhavethegoodnesstodirectmetoJohnFigginbothamIwillthankhimtopaymedirectly."
"But,goodGod,sir!youmistakethematter."
"Mistake,sir!"
"Yes,sir!JohnFigginbothamdoesnotpay;heonlysigns.Wepay:we,whoarehere;Iandmychums."
"Verywell,sir;thenwhycanyounotpaymewithoutallthiscircumlocution?"
"Sir,Ihavepaidyou."
"How,sir?"
"Withthosenotes,sir."
"Sir,thesearepromisestopay,madebyoneFigginbotham.Iwishthesepromisestobeperformed.YousendmeroundinacirclefromHaretoFigginbotham,andfromFigginbothamtoyourself,andIamstillasmuchinthedarkasever,astowhereIamtolookfortheperformanceoftheirveryliberalpromises."
"Oh!theperformance,sir,--verytruesir,--asyousay;but,sir,promisesareoftwokinds,thosewhicharemeanttobeperformed,andthosewhicharenot,thelatterbeingformsusedforconvenienceanddispatchofbusiness."
"Then,sir,thesepromisesarenotmeanttobeperformed."
"Pardonme,sir,theyaremeanttobeperformed,notliterally,butinamanner.Theyusedtobeperformedbygivinggoldtothebearer,butthathavingbeenfoundpeculiarlyinconvenienthasbeenlaidasidebyActofParliamenteversincetheyearNinety-Seven,andwenowpaypaperwithpaper,whichsimplifiesbusinessexceedingly."
"Andpray,sir,dothesepromisestopaypassforrealitiesamongthe
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people?"
"Certainlytheydo,sir;oneofthoseslipsofpaperwhichyouholdinyourhandwillpurchasethelabouroffiftymenforayear."
"JohnFigginbothammustbeapersonofverygreatconsequence,thereisnotmuchtroubleIpresumeinmakingoneofthesethings."
"Notmuch,sir."
"ThenIsuppose,sir,JohnFigginbothamhasallthelabourofthecountryunderhisabsolutedisposal.AssuredlythisFigginbothammustbeagreatmagician,andprofoundlyskilledinmagicanddemonology;forthisisalmostmorethanMerlincoulddo,tomaketheeternalrepetitionofthesamepromisepassforitseternalperformance,andexerciseunlimitedcontroloverthelivesandfortunesofawholenation,merelybyputtinghisnameuponpiecesofpaper.However,since,suchisthecase,Imusttrytomakethebestofthematter:butifIfindthatthesetalismansofthegreatmagicianFigginbothamdonotactuponthepeopleasyougivemetounderstandtheywill,Ishalltakethelibertyofblowingmybugleinhisenchantedcastle,andinthemeantime,sir,Irespectfullytakeleaveofyourcourtlypresence."
"Poor,derangedgentleman!exclaimedthelittlemanafterCalidorewasgone,didyoueverhearamantalksoinallyourlife,MrSolomons?"
"Veyrymuchcracked,"saidMrSolomons,"veyrymuchcrackedinthehead;butseemstobesoundinthepocket,whichisthebeyterpartofman."
CHAPTERV
CALIDORE,findingthetalismansofFigginbothamsufficiently
efficacious,proceededtoestablishhimselfinamagnificenthouse,engagednumerousservants,purchasedanequipage,andlivedlikeanambassador.Hesufferedsomuchofhisobjecttobeknownasmightfacilitateitsaccomplishment;anditwassoonbuzzedaboutthetown,andsignificantlytoldindashesbytheMorningPost,thatastrangerofgreatconsequencewasarrivedfromTerraIncognita,whitherhewouldshortlyreturn,andtakewithhimfromEnglandawifeandaphilosopher;whichwouldbeaverygoodspeculationforanyunmarriedladyandliterarygentleman,asontheirarrivalinthestranger'scountry,theformerwouldreceiveamostsplendidallowanceofpin-money,andthelatterwouldsitdownforlifeasanHonorableGentlemanPensioner,withsuchapensioninhissinglepersonasinthismoreeconomicalnationwouldkeepinpaytwowholegangsof
LegitimateReviewers.Thisintelligencethrewintoastateofcompletefermentationallthedisinterestedbeautyandliberaltalentofthemetropolis,andalltheseatsoftheCarlislemailswereengagedeverynightforaweekinbringingupshoalsofembryolaureatsandpoeticalphilosophersfromCumberland.
Calidorepersuadinghiniselfthathehadalreadymadeuphismindinthechoiceofawife,prosecutedwithgreatassiduityhissearchforaphilosopher,andmadediligentenquiryofseveraleminentbooksellers,andamongtherestofthefashionableMrMacquire.
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"Aphilosopher,sir,"saidMrMacquire:"reallythearticleisratherplentifultheinmarket,butIhavenotasampleonhand.Acritic,indeed--Icouldspareyouafinelivelycriticonreasonableterms,asIhaveseveralinmypay;buttheyareallswornenemiestotheverynameofphilosophy,andifitbementionedintheirhearing,oneofthemfaints,anothercries,anotherswearsterribleoaths,andafourthfallsintosuchafitofravingthatIamobligedtocallforastraightwaistcoat.TobesurethereisaMr.Crocodile,thelay-preacher,wholooksinuponmenowandthen,andtalksagreatdealaboutoldphilosophy:perhapshemightdo,andIshouldthinkhewouldgocheap:heiswothlittletous,andInevercouldhearthathewasworthanythingtoanyoneelse:buthereisagentlemanwhoknowsmoreaboutthesethings.AllowmetointroduceMrIndex."AndhepresentedtoCalidore*averysmart,lively-lookinglittleman,dressedinthepinkofthefashion.
"Sir,"saidMrIndex,"Iamproudoftheopportunityofthisintroduction.FromthemomentIheardofyourarrivalinLondonIhavelongedforthehourofyouracquaintance."
THEEND
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