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PLUS: The Stig vs Top Gear

EDIToR David Simister

DESIGNER David Simister

www.lifeoncars.blogspot.com

E-MAIL david.simister@hotmail.co.uk

ADDITIoNAL PHoToGARPHY:

MINI, Ford and Citroen, Page 3; Mitsubishi, page 5; Pages 6 and 7,

Lotus Cars; Nissan and Jaguar, Pages 8 and 9; Lotus Cars, page 14; all

other photography by David Simister.

Read Life On Cars each Wednesday in The Champion newspaper, on

the web at www.lifeoncars.blogspot.com and on the radio on the Live

From Studio One show on Dune 107.9fm

© Life on Cars 2010

Coming soon3Finding your Ford Fiesta, Citroen DS3 or MINI Countryman a little less

exciting than you’d expected? You should try these hardcore versions

just unveiled for next year’s World Rally Championship

2 Life On Cars

Created by

THE magazine is back!

The question is...why?

You're reading only the

second ever magazine

from Life On Cars, follow-

ing the pilot version ear-

lier this year. That issue

was only ever meant to be

a one-off, but in the end I

decided there's just too

much going on in the

world of motoring to not

do another.

For starters, there's the

trio of rally cars on the

opposite page, which be-

tween them are set to

herald the sport's most

exciting season in years.

As much as I'd love to see

Ford finally winning

again, the smart money's

got to be on Sebastian

Loeb and the Citroen con-

tenders.

Then there's the LA

Auto Show, including the

Stateside debut for

Jaguar's incredible C-X75,

and the ongoing debacle

of whether The Stig from

Top Gear should have

been unveiled or not.

But most spectacular of

all is the announcement

of not one, but five new

sports cars from Lotus - a

company, don't forget,

that's been to the brink of

bankruptcy more than

once in recent memory.

Finally, there's just

room to mention work on

a special Car of The Year

issue, due out later this

year, but that's another

issue for another time.

Until now, enjoy this

one...

In this issueIn this issue

Fire up the...4...the latest contenders for your cash. Motoring writer David Simister

has been behind more of the year’s most important cars, including the

controversially-styled new MINI, the Countryman

The famous five6No, not the characters from the Enid Blyton stories, but the quintet of

new Lotus models recently revealed as part of the company’s quest to

take on Porsche. Jaws to the floor, please...

LA Auto Show 20108All the latest news from the increasingly important Stateside show,

from the American debut of Jaguar’s glorious C-XJ5 concept car to a

curious cabriolet version of Nissan’s Murano off-roader

Northern soul12Lancashire and Yorkshire are hiding some of Britain’s best driving

roads, as we discovered when we took two Minis and a £100 Renault 5

to the Lakes and Dales in search of a good museum

The Stig secret10You’ve been living in a cave if you don’t know the masked racer’s true

identity by now, but why was the British media so hooked by the story?

David Simister investigates media phenomenom of The Stig

Best of the blog14What connects the Lexus IS-F, David Hasselhoff, and Dragons’ Den?

Easy - they’ve all been given a grilling in the Life On Cars column in

The Champion. Here’s some of the highlights

Rover and out?16David Simister has moved up in the world, thanks to a regal Rover that

cost just £300. Pity about the tartan rug jokes, then

Jaguar is 75!11The company unveiled a turbine-powered supercar to celebrate, but at

Life On Cars we couldn’t afford that. So we went endurance racing in

Wales with an old XJ6 instead

3Life On Cars

CCoommiinngg ssoooonn The cars you could bedriving next year

YoU’LL have to turn the

page for the full Fire Up

The verdict, but MINI’s

newest model - the four

wheel drive Countryman -

isn’t really in the spirit of

its cult classic predeces-

sor.

BMW are obviously keen

to prove otherwise be-

cause they’ve just re-

vealed a hardcore rally

version, which is much

more like it.

With the same red

colour scheme and fog-

light-heavy frontage as

the Monte Carlo rally win-

ners from the 1960s and

stylised union flag on the

windscreen, you can’t

help feel the car’s makers

are going for a bit of a

Paddy Hopkirk nostalgia in

their attempts to win the

2011 World Rally Champi-

onship.

Spirit of the SixtiesSpirit of the Sixties

It’s one of a trio of new

contenders unveiled for

next year’s World Rally

Championship, with the

emphasis on moving to

smaller, lighter machines.

Ford is keen on fighting

for top honours on the

rally stages, with this

agressively-styled take on

the latest Fiesta being the

latest in a long line of

rally machines from the

company, and Citroen,

who scored a string of

rally victories with its C4

WRC, is hoping to repeat

its success with the DS3

WRC by employing the

skills of rallying superstar

Sebastian Loeb once

again.

It’s impossible to say

who is going to win next

year’s WRC, but it’ll be a

blast finding out...

For the latest carnews check out

the Life On Carsblog at:

lifeoncars.blogspot.com

rallying

THERE'S a little-known

tale from the creation of

the new MINI I suddenly

remembered while road-

testing the Countryman.

The story goes that just

after BMW signed off the

reinvention of the British

small car classic, they fig-

ured that if their smallest

car is called a MINI, then

logically its eventual big-

ger brother should be

christened the MAXI. only

when they realised British

Leyland had already tried

- and not entirely success-

fully - did the idea get

quietly dropped.

This, to all extents and

purposes, is that car; a

MINI that stretches the

idea of being minature to

its vaguest, fuzziest

realms yet. It is MINI

made massive, a car

that's trying to grow

faster than the families

spawned by the com-

pany's original customers.

Don't move out of your

MINI and into an MPV just

yet, not when you can

have the same retro style

in a slightly bigger pack-

age. That's the idea, any-

way.

But the Countryman -

cutely named in homage

of the Sixties Mini estates

- comes across as a turgid

take on its smaller and

sportier sisters, boasting

all the familiar MINI

styling cues but in a

slightly bloated way. It's

the same story on the in-

side too, with an interior

that blends its use of

colours and materials

well but comes across as

chintzy in some of the

fussier details, particu-

larly the pizza-sized

speedometer surrouding

the stereo.

out on the road it han-

dles impressively for

something its size, with a

smooth feel through the

brakes and suspension,

but it feels almost unre-

lated to the sprightly

MINI hatchbacks, with the

fun factor strangely ab-

sent.

Where it does impress

is not the packaging but

the dressing, with the

retro touches like the

cool rocker switches on

the dashboard being fa-

4 Life On Cars

The road testverdict on the

motors that matter

FFiirree uupp tthhee......

...MINI Countryman...MINI Countryman BMW now makes its babybigger than ever before

miliar to MINI moguls, but

almost unheard of among

rivals like Ford's Kuga and

Nissan's Quashqai, which

focus more on practicality

than pose value.

But in the end there's

one big problem that'd

stop me buying one:

Skoda's Yeti, which can't

match the MINI brand's

catchet but makes up for

it by being better almost

everywhere else, particu-

larly where driving, prac-

ticality and value for

money are concerned. If

you really want driving

fun for all the famil, buy

one of those.

Weirdly, if you want the

most MINI for your money,

you're better off sticking

with the smaller ones.

5Life On Cars

...Mitsubishi Shogun...Mitsubishi Shogun

It’s a rare thing:a 4x4 for peoplewho actuallydrive off road

IT'S big, brash, and an un-

apologetic throwback to

another age, but by gum

you'd want it on your side

in a fight.

Mitsubishi's latest Shogun

is the perfect car should

you ever decide Southport

needs a regime change-

Paint the letters ‘U' and

‘N' onto the bonnet of the

very white 3.2 diesel ver-

sion I tested and you

could even pass yourself

off as a peacekeeper, be-

cause this is exactly the

sort of tough trooper of a

vehicle the United Nations

swears by. It's good

enough for them, but is it

still good enough for us?

out on the road the

Shogun drives exactly how

you'd expect a tall four-

wheel-drive weighing it at

three tonnes to, with the

168bhp V6 pulling well

enough but being lum-

bered by the way the

body rolls into the cor-

ners. The handy rear cam-

era helps make parking a

doddle and the oodles of

torque are perfect for

towing trailers and cara-

vans, but you'll never es-

cape the sheer size of the

Shogun.

But it's biggest problem is

the same one which af-

fects all of the really big

off-roaders, because buy-

ing one of these is bound

to attract the unwanted

attention of bystanders,

who don't care what you

have to tow or carry. Driv-

ing a Shogun - or a Discov-

ery or Grand Cherokee for

that matter - seems to at-

tract an endless series of

dirty looks, flicked fingers

and scathing remarks.

The Shogun is tough as

nails, unstoppable on the

rough stuff and a titan of

the towing world. But po-

litically correct it isn't.

...Citroen DS3...Citroen DS3It’s goodbye to cashback deals anddepreciation as the French firmlaunches a luxurious take on thehot hatch. The good news is thatit’s a cracker to drive

THE hot hatch hits of yes-

teryear have been

remixed and re-released

by pop pickers Citroen for

the first of the firm's new

luxury lineup.

Check out the com-

pany's sporty DS3 hatch-

back and it's obvious that

the styling's definitely

straight out of 2010, and

defiantly not retro like its

MINI and Fiat 500 rivals.

It's got some clever styling

cues, like the way the

side pillars never quite

reach the roofline, but it's

not a car you could ever

mistake as something

that's escaped from a mo-

toring museum.

Anyone used to the old

C2 or Saxo VTS is going to

be in familiar territory the

first time they take the

new arrival to a twisty

corner - it's a blast, in the

same way the best hot

hatches are. The too-light

clutch takes a little time

to get used to and you al-

ways seem to sit a little

higher than you'd like, but

these are minor gripes

with a grippy and involv-

ing Yorkshire Terrier of a

car which snaps at the

ankle of much bigger mo-

tors.

But cast your eyes back

to the cabin itself and

you'll find you're in a very

different world, with

swathes of metal giving

the dash a shine of qual-

ity, and plenty of space

for you and your passen-

gers. It's clear Citroen is

determined not only to

take on the MINI with the

DS3, but the likes of Alfa's

MiTo and Audi's A1 too.

It's that rare thing; a

Citroen that's cool.

IT'S the Paris Motorshow

and every right-minded

petrolhead is pondering

the same question; why

launch one new model

when you can launch five?

I always imagined the

chaps at Lotus would get

quite offended if you

called them a conven-

tional car maker, so it's

somehow appropriate that

just months after return-

ing to the world's race-

tracks with a semi-official

F1 effort they've launched

a quintet of new cars.

Not only have the Elise,

Esprit, Elite and Elan

models been revisted with

a selection of sports cars

in different shapes and

sizes, the Norfolk com-

pany's also gunning for the

likes of Porsche's Panam-

era with its four-door

Eterne, making it the first

Lotus saloon since the

slightly loopy Lotus Carl-

ton of the early 1990s.

Is the company's PR

coup five times better

than just launching a sin-

gle model, which on its

own would have been

enough to steal the

show, like the Evora man-

aged to at London's mo-

torshow two years ago?

I'm not so sure.

6 Life On Cars

LLoottuussffrruuiitt

Last month a Britishsports car company

launched not one, butfive new models in a bid

to become the Britishanswer to Porsche.

These are the stunningnew models that Lotus

reckon will put them onthe map

The new Esprit is the

most immediately exotic

and exciting - it's a real

Ferrari-chaser, and the

first we've had from Lotus

since the original Esprit

died off several years ago

- and the Eterne is a bold

venture into uncharted

waters, but the others

stray from Lotus heart-

lands a little too quickly.

The £35,000 Elise, for

instance, is getting worry-

ingly close to Porsche

Boxster territory for

what's meant to be a

small, lightweight little

sports car, but it's the

Elan which is almost un-

recognisable from its il-

lustrious predecessors.

Lotus reckons Elan drivers

demand more but the last

two were a success be-

cause they gave less - as

in less weight, which

made them a favourite

with keen drivers.

And the Elite? As a

£115,000 Lotus it makes

little sense, but I love it

already. Clearly nobody

actually needs one, but

that's exactly why I'd

have one.

I have until 2014 to

save up.

7Life On Cars

Clockwise, from top left: The Elan, shown at

Paris in classic Lotus yellow, moves in a more

upmarket direction than its two predecessors,

aiming for the Porsche 911 and costing around

£75,000. The Elise, meanwhile, gets V6 power

for the first time, and is expected to cost

around £35,000. The Eterne, bottom, marks

new territory for the firm, and is expected to

compete with Porsche’s Panamera, in much

the same way the Elite, at £115,000 will take

on the Mercedes SL. But it’s the Esprit which

should get petrolheads most excited, reviving

a classic supercar name and taking aim

straight at the Ferrari 458 Italia.

Five reasons to get yourname on the waiting list

LA Auto Show 2010Starring the American debut of the most beautifulJaguar for a generation, the turbine-powered C-X75.Oh, and a raft of eco-friendly debutantes too

8 Life On Cars

Jaguar C-X75

ALRIGHT, we'll come

clean; this stunning bit of

kit was actually made

public at the Paris Motor-

show more than a month

ago, but as it's impressing

the Americans just as

much, why not?

Using gas turbines,

electricity and a sophisti-

cated four-wheel-drive

system might all sound a

bit space age but in truth

Jaguar's C-X75 is as much

about the 75-year-old

company's past as the fu-

ture, with shades of E-

Type, XJ220 and even the

XK180 concept car in its

evocative curves.

"The C-X75 is every-

thing a Jaguar should be.

It possesses remarkable

poise and grace yet at the

same time has the excite-

ment and potency of a

true supercar," said

Jaguar design director Ian

Callum, whose delicate

sketching also brought us

the Aston Martin DB7 and

the current Jaguar XK.

"You could argue this is

as close to a pure art

form as a concept car can

get and we believe it is a

worthy homage to 75

years of iconic Jaguar de-

sign."

But - as with its illustri-

ous predecessors - there's

pace to go with the

grace, with the combined

780bhp from all four of

the turbines making the

C-X75 capable of reaching

205mph, and getting

from a standstill to

62mph in just 3.4 sec-

onds.

Will it make the pro-

duction? Given its exotic

powerplant and the num-

ber of previous Jaguar

concepts which have

failed to make it off the

motorshow stand, proba-

bly not.

Fingers crossed,

though...

World debuts

A number of new

cars are being

shown for the first

time, including the

Chevrolet Camaro

Convertible, Saab

9-4X, Volkswagen

Eos, the five door

take on the Range

Rover Evoque and

Chrysler’s 200.

For more info visit

www.lifeoncars.

blogspot.com

LA Auto Show 2010

9Life On Cars

Volvo Air MotionCoMING a close second

to the Jag in the jaw-

dropping stakes is this, a

Volvo that's lighter than a

Formula one car and is

powered by turbines soar-

ing 1,000ft above it.

No, really.

The Volvo Air Motion is

not, the Swedish company

argues, a car at all. It's a

carver, which uses tur-

bines flown like kites

above it to harness the

power of the wind, which

the Air Motion then turns

into electricity. Unsurpris-

ingly, it was designed in

California, a state which

loves both eco-friendly

vehicles and the kite-surf-

ing buggies which helped

inspire this machine's

design.

Volvo says the Air Mo-

tion not only demon-

strates the beauty and

purity of Scandinavian de-

sign, but also delivers a

guilt free, raw driving ex-

perience.

If IKEA sold cars?

Nissan MuranoCrosscabriolet

NISSAN’S sleek

SUV, the Murano,

is now available as

a convertible,

even if we’re still

trying to figure out

why.

Designed to

carry four adults

in leather-lined al

fresco comfort,

the company say it

is the first ever

crossover cabriolet,

despite Jeep being

able to offer you an

open top Wrangler

for roughly the same

price.

If you’re tempted

to try one out, you’d

better head to the

US, where it goes on

sale early next year.

ToYoTA has teamed up

with US electric sports car

specialists Tesla to create

this, a volt-power version

of the RAV-4 off-roader.

Although it hasn’t been

officially confirmed yet

both companies hope to

see it on sale in the States

by the summer of 2012.

ToyotaRAV-4 EV

SSoommee ssaayy......CHANCES are you'll know

the nation's favourite

tame racing driver. Some

say he's a Formula Three

driver and that after

threatening to reveal his

identity in an autobiogra-

phy, he took on the

world's biggest broad-

caster in the High Court.

All we (officially) know

is he's called The Stig.

The nationals' ongoing

fascination with Top

Gear's mystery man in the

white racing overalls

shows not only how big

the Beeb's biggest pro-

gramme is in 2010, but

just how far the show -

something its creator

claimed would be getting

back to basics earlier this

year - has moved away

from being the pokey mo-

toring show I grew up

with.

What most viewers for-

get is that the anonymous

automotive character has

revealed himself before,

when in 2003 Perry Mc-

Carthy revealed he was

the man behind the origi-

nal, black-suited Stig. Top

Gear dispatched with him

in characteristically out-

landish fashion, firing him

and a nitrous-powered

Jaguar XJS off the end of

an aircraft carrier - but

because the show wasn't

as widely-watched at the

time, the nationals largely

ignored it.

But when Ben Collins,

the man behind Mc-

Carthy's white-suited re-

placement, decided he

too wanted to reveal his

Life On Cars

David Simister on why theUK media were hooked

when The Stig was finallyunmasked this year

10

secretive role on the

show, Top Gear had grown

massively into a pro-

gramme with an esti-

mated 350 million viewers

worldwide - making it one

of the Beeb's biggest earn-

ers - and the media, al-

ready obsessed over the

presenters' celebrity sta-

tus, quickly pounced on

the Stig story.

A number of national

newspapers, notably The

Daily Star, had already

outed Collins as the char-

acter in January 2009, so

when news of the autobi-

ography and the High

Court case hit the news in

July this year, the Stig's

identity had been "an

open secret" for over a

year.

" The whole point of the

Stig is the mystique – the

bizarre characteristics he

has, the wonderment cre-

ated about what he might

think, feel, do or look

like. Kids adore the con-

ceit, and I believe adults,

although they know it’s a

man in a suit (or is it?),

gladly buy into the whole

conceit because they find

it entertaining," Andy

Wilman, Top Gear's pro-

ducer, wrote on his blog

during the case, where he

angrily defended the BBC's

right to keep the Stig se-

cret.

"Even the papers, who

love to make mischief,

have kept everyone guess-

ing over the years because

they acknowledge that

viewers like the Stig se-

crecy thing."

But in the end it was

The Stig's lack of secrecy

which killed the BBC's

case, with Mr Justice Mor-

gan, the high court judge

who turned down the

broadcaster's injunction

request to block publica-

tion of the book in a pri-

vate hearing , saying that

"for all practicaly pur-

poses" anyone who

wanted to know The Stig's

identity could easily ob-

tain it through the media.

"It was such a shock. It

was horrible actually be-

cause I liked him and he

came round to my house

and had drinks and all

that time he was writing a

book," Jeremy Clarkson

said a week later, in a

video interview published

by oxfordshire-based

community news service

WitneyTV.

"He's just decided he'd

rather be ... put it this

way he's history as far as

we are concerned. He's

sacked."

Ben Collins - and

Harper Collins, who will

be publishing The Man in

the White Suit later this

year - had beaten the

world's biggest broad-

caster, and within weeks

he'd given up the role al-

together and switched to

Fifth Gear, a rival motor-

ing show on Channel Five.

In his first piece, on

dragsters, he told viewers

"I can speak, and it's a

massive pleasure to do so.

I spent too long in a

stormtrooper's outfit for

my liking, but I've not

given up my love of fast

cars."

Can Top Gear survive

the scandal? Given its au-

dience of millions, three

charismatic presenters

and a previous history of

finding creative ways to

deal with Stigs which

speak too much, chances

are it can.

Some say...

Tabloid sensation

Clarkson’s shock

11Life On Cars

HERE'S a date you proba-

bly didn’t scrawl into

your diary. Jaguar's 75th

birthday.

So far, the Coventry

company's survived The

Blitz, the ravages of sev-

eral recessions and even

the worst British Leyland

can throw at it, which a

couple of Life on Cars-

reading mates and I

thought was worth cele-

brating. Until we saw the

mud.

The idea was brilliant;

take a rotten Jag with a

touch too many miles on

WWhheeeellssppiinniinn WWaalleess

the clock to a dirt track in

Prestatyn, put up against

a field of more mundane

motors in a six-hour en-

durance race, and watch

it win with style. Admit-

tedly, the 19-year-old

XJ40 we'd picked wasn't

one of the Big Cat's proud-

est moments, but it's still

a car from a company

with seven Le Mans wins,

a string of rally victories

and a slightly successful

F1 team to its name. We

couldn't lose.

Unfortunately, the race

took place on the same

drenched day Southport's

Air Show got cancelled,

meaning the track was a

quagmire of squelch and

mud even Range Rover

owners would think twice

about tackling. The race

commentator, sat snugly

in his caravan, put in per-

fectly as the field of Mi-

cras, Polos and Escorts

raced past; we were driv-

ing 3.2 litres of pure

wheelspin.

I never thought I'd say

this, but the Jag was just

too big and too powerful,

and with no grip we spent

most of the time powers-

liding pointlessly as cars

your mum used for the

school run ten years ago

tore ahead. We were los-

ing, but because we were

in a Jag, we were losing

with style.

our muddy outing is

about as far from Jaguar's

string of Le Mans as you

can possibly imagine, but I

loved every minute of

each chaotic lap, made

more terrifying still be-

cause the steering wheel

seemed to have little to

no influence over where

the big Jag was heading.

It was a rubbish and yet

utterly brilliant addition

to Jaguar's proud motor-

sport pedigree.

And here's the best bit;

unlike the cocky whipper-

snappers who laughed

every time their machines

lapped ours, the Jag actu-

ally crossed the finish

line, even if it was sliding

sideways at walking pace.

We might have been a

long way off winning but

we did the entire event,

to quote an old Jag ad slo-

gan, with grace, space

and pace. A fitting tribute

to the Big Cat, then.

The maker of Britain's

most beautiful cars is 75

years old, and we found a

smashing way to mark the

occasion. Literally.

Ever wondered what enduranceracing a Jaguar around a muddytrack might be like? Wonder nomore...

AT one point, on a par-

ticularly gridlocked M6

near Lancaster, I actually

thought going on another

driving adventure was a

bad idea.

Readers of the Life On

Cars website might have

spotted something I'd

planned called The Moun-

tains and Museums Run,

which had it not got can-

celled thanks to no pro-

motion whatsoever,

would have last weekend

been the first ever Life

on Cars event. It got

shelved because most of

the classic car nuts

(rightly) decided that oc-

tober's just too wet and

wild to take their pride

and joy out, but - given

that I'd booked a few

12 Life On Cars

It’s hard to beatthe Dales or Lakesfor driving fun, as

David Simisterfinds out

OOuurr ddaayy oouutt

days off - a few mates and

I decided to go anyway.

Designed to be done in

just two days, it's a crack-

ing route through the

countryside, taking in two

counties, two National

Parks, three motoring mu-

seums and one pub with

very tall ambitions. More

importantly, it mixes some

of Britain's most demand-

ing roads, including the

Buttertubs and Kirkstone

mountain passes - to make

the motoring extra memo-

rable.

With the Mini long gone

and the MGB nowhere

near ready, it fell to the

£100 Renault 5 to get me

to the fells, and as soon

as I got there it became

instantly obvious that it

was far faster than either

of the two Minis my mates

had brought along. For a

car I bought originally as

something to keep me

moving while my own Mini

was in winter hibernation

earlier this year; it's really

grown on me despite the

dowdy styling. As well as

being endlessly reliably,

it's got far more poise and

precision than any 1.4

hatchback really ought to!

What I did learn from

my lessons in the Lakes?

Firstly, that The Mountains

and Museums Run can be

done in less than two days

with stops at Cars of the

Stars, The Bond Museum

and the Lakeland Motor

Museum to spare. The

route's here in all its glory,

if you fancy giving it a go

yourself, but I am plan-

ning on doing it as a

proper event, when the

weather's better, some-

time next year.

But more importantly

I've reminded myself that

it doesn't really matter

what you're behind the

wheel of (though it helps),

as long as you've got a

group of mates behind you

and a few miles of chal-

lenging mountain passes

ahead. You might have to

put up with a few grid-

locked motorways on the

way there, but it's worth

it.

The smiles are back.

13Life On Cars

Bond Museum is licensedto thrill film fanatics

oNE of the places we visited on our adventure was

the Bond Museum in Keswick, where you you can

spy a series of motors used by Britain’s best known

secret agent.

Anyone who's ever been up to the Lakes on a rainy

day is probably already familiar with the one sat in

the town's Cars of The Stars Museum, but it's the

much newer Bond Museum, a ten minute walk to

the other side of the town, that's really worth the

visit. If you've ever seen a Bond film - and I know of

only one person who hasn't - it's an absolute gem.

obviously you get a silver DB5 thrown in - it is THE

James Bond car - but you also get to see the

aquatic Lotus Esprit once used to transport Roger

Moore's eyebrows around, the invisible Aston from

Die Another Day (although this particular gadget

wasn't working that day) and just about every other

prop Pinewood Studios had lying around.

But my own particular favourite had to be the ac-

tual Aston used to escape from some annoyed

Czech police officers in The Living Daylights, pic-

tured, even though I was convinced it'd been blown

up as part of the car chase across a frozen lake. It

is the real star from my favourite Bond film of all,

even though Timothy Dalton was also the best actor

to play Bond. There, I said it.

Whether you're a petrolhead or not, if you've ever

enjoyed any James Bond film you're going to love

this museum, which is well worth the visit on your

next walking holiday in the Lakes.

Complaints from Sean Connery fans to the usual ad-

dress, please.

Clockwise, from left: The convoy reaches the

spectacular Ribblehead Viaduct, in the heart

of the Yorkshire Dales; crossing Windermere

on the car ferry, in the Lake District; stopping

for a well-deserved break at the Tan Hill Inn,

Britain’s highest pub at 1,732 feet

How to join in the fun WANT to try it out for yourself? It couldn’t be easier:

Where we stayed

Patterdale Youth Hostel, Cumbria, 017684 82394

Where we dined

Tan Hill Inn, near Keld, North Yorkshire, 01833 628 246

Where we visited

Bond Museum, Keswick, Cumbria, 01768 775007

Cars of the Stars, Keswick, Cumbria, 01768 773757

Lakeland Motor Museum, Newby Bridge, Cumbria,

01539 530400

Roads we drove

Buttertubs Pass, North Yorkshire; A685 between Kirkby

Stephen and Kendal; A6 between Kendal and Penrith;

A592, between Penrith and Windermere, A593, B6285,

between Windermere and Coniston

Full details of the route available online only at

www.lifeoncars.blogspot.com

EVEN if he didn't bring

down the Berlin Wall

there's one thing we can

all learn from David Has-

selhoff; never, ever try

talking to your car.

I I was reminded of the

Baywatch star and ambas-

sador of all things slightly

cringeworthy while at the

wheel of Mazda's MX-5,

one of my favourite little

sports cars, in what should

have been one of the most

delightful drives I've

bagged all year. With

2010's longest evening, a

seaside resort, sunshine

and a bright red roadster

at my disposal, I had all

the right ingredients.

It's just a shame I

mucked it up by trying to

set up the phone instead.

on the face of it cars

with Bluetooth are a bril-

liant idea, because it re-

moves any temptation to

race around with Nokia's

finest glued to your face,

although it's something I

was a bit surprised to find

in something as single-

mindedly sporty as the

two seater MX-5. The

problem is - and it's some-

thing I've found with

every car cum communi-

cation gizmo - is that they

just don't work.

The little Mazda, for

instance, has a button on

the steering wheel you

press, at which point a

female voice which

sounds eerily similar to a

BBC newsreader asks you

to simply say the number

you want to call. You then

tell Anna Ford that you'd

like to ring the missus, at

which point she'll read

back a number com-

pletely different to the

one you've just told her.

“Is this number cor-

rect?”

You'll then have to say

“No, no, No” repeatedly

until the gadget hears

you, a task made trickier

still by the whooshing

wind noise you'll get if

you've got the MX-5's roof

down. The whole process

repeats itself in an in-

creasingly depressing

loop, until Anna tells you,

in her kindest BBC Break-

fast voice, that you can't

call your girlfriend, be-

cause she no longer ex-

ists.

It was only at this point

that I realised I was driv-

ing around Southport on

my own while shouting

“Yes, yes, yes!” at my car,

and that absolutely every

other road user could hear

me because - being in a

convertible on a sunny

evening - the roof was

down.

At least KITT could tell

David Hasselhoff he

looked like he a lunatic.

Mazda's MX-5 might be

brilliant, but it's not intel-

ligent enough to do that

just yet.

Strange stories and outspoken opinion fromthe motoring world via the Life On Cars blog

lleett lloooossee

Why Bluetooth, DavidWhy Bluetooth, DavidHasselhoff and open topHasselhoff and open topsports cars don’t mixsports cars don’t mix

Top tenlottery

win cars

WHAT would you blow

your Euromillions win

on, given the chance?

These are the ten star

cars I suggested should

fill the Life On Cars

dream garage:

1) TVR Griffith

2) Aston One-77

3) Ferrari 458 Italia

4) Ferrari F40

5) Jaguar XJ220

6) TVR Cerbera 4.5

7) Range Rover Vogue

8) Audi Sport Quattro

9) Aston Martin Cygnet

10) Lotus Evora

(pictured above)

Life On Cars14

Micro machineMicro machinean a=-Peel-ingan a=-Peel-ingcar prospectcar prospect

SSUPPoSE you landed a

spot on business-savvy

BBC show Dragon's Den.

Given five smirking ty-

coons and an audience of

millions, what would you

pitch?

So far the series has put

serious amounts of cash

behind a brand of spicy

sauce, a treadmill for

dogs, an indie band and a

teddy bear that doubles

up as an MP3 player, so

they're not averse to mak-

ing the occasional odd in-

vestment. But a

four-ft-long car last made

on the Isle of Man over

forty years ago? Thanks to

James Caan, the Peel is

making a comeback!

Most peoples' experi-

ence of this miniscule

motor is still the slightly

ridiculous Top Gear

episode from a couple of

years ago, shown below,

when all 6 ft 5 of Jeremy

Clarkson squeezed himself

in for a quick spin around

the BBC News offices in

London. He jokingly said it

was the future, but James

Caan is serious enough to

stack a whopping £80,000

in its favour.

Both the Peel P50 and

the Trident, were pow-

ered by ancient moped

engines when they first

appeared in the early Six-

ties but when it's given

the Dragon's Den treat-

ment it'll be propelled

along by an eco-friendly

electric unit and cost

around £8,000, which is

about the same as you'd

pay for the four-seat

treatment you'll get in a

Fiat Panda. But no matter

how hard you try, you

can't get a Fiat Panda into

an elevator, and that's the

P50's party trick.

Regular readers will al-

ready know I'm a big fan

of fun little cars; along

with owning an original

Mini, I've admired the

clever packaging of Toy-

ota's tiny IQ since it was

launched last year, and

the Gulliver's World pro-

portions of the Peel just

take things to a surreal

new level. In much the

same way as you want a

phone that fits in your

pocket, you know you

want a car you can leave

in that cupboard under

the stairs at night.

Would I buy one? Ab-

solutely, although Cham-

pion Media Group might

have to take a more lib-

eral look at its car parking

policy if I do.

I'd leave mine next to

my desk in the newsroom.

The Japanese M3 that’s too fastThe Japanese M3 that’s too fastI’D rather have a Suzuki

Swift than a 170mph

Lexus.

This is one of the con-

trived conclusions I've

come to after spending a

day driving a selection of

newly-launched cars

around the Yorkshire

countryside, after which I

sat down and pondered

whether I really am The

Champion office petrol-

head. I'll say it again; I'd

rather have a Suzuki Swift

Don't get me wrong; I

loved the Lexus, primarily

because it's by far and

away the most bonkers

car I've ever been allowed

to drive. Anyone not fa-

miliar with this four-door

flyer might dismiss it as a

normal Lexus saloon with

a bad Max Power bodykit

on it, but the first mo-

ment you mash your right

foot into the floor and get

the 414bhp V8 to strut its

stuff is sublime and scary

in equal measure. It is in-

toxicatingly, frighteningly

and licence-losingly fast.

Which is why I couldn't

recommend it, because its

strongest suit, the tidal

wave of torque it offers

up, is also its biggest

drawback. The moments

when you feel the explo-

siveness of this car's en-

gine are just that;

moments, because within

seconds you've shot up to

speeds you really should-

n't be doingI'm actually

beginning to wonder

whether I hanker for

horsepower at all. A week

after whinging that a

wheelspinning Jag was

completely outclassed by

Escorts and Polos in an en-

durance race, I've realised

that an entirely different

bit of Japanese automo-

tive engineering to the

Lexus is a belter for

Britain's highways and by-

ways.

Suzuki's new Swift is

about as far from the IS-F

as I can imagine, but as if

someone's stolen a Mazda

MX-5, one of my favourite

sports cars, disguised it as

a small shopping car, and

then put it on sale.

IIt really is that good.

Read more motoring

rants from David Simister

on the blog online at

lifeoncars.blogspot.com

15Life On Cars

16 Life On Cars

1996 Rover 214SEi:

“RELAX. It's a Rover.

The long-gone

Longbridge concern's

old ad slogan couldn't

have rung more true

the first time I gave

the latest arrival on

the Life On Cars fleet

its first proper run,

heading for home up

the M57. Sporty this

£300, 1995 Rover 214

isn't, despite it com-

ing in a rather fetch-

ing shade of British

Racing Green.

on wet, nasty No-

vember nights, it's

nice to step into

something that

soothes your brow as

you head home.

I'm so relaxed, in

fact, that I haven't

even bothered to ask

the obvious questions

yet. Is the notoriously

fickle K-Series engine

going to blow a head

gasket? Are the

strangely solid-look-

ing sills hiding a life-

time of rot?

And - most worry-

ingly - does my

choice of a Rover as

my latest purchase

mean I'm about to

prematurely cele-

brate my fiftieth

birthday?

All, I'm sure, will

be revealed.

November, 2010

The clappedout classics in

the Life OnCars garage

OOnnee ffoooott iinntthhee ggrraavvee

CCaarr ooff tthhee YYeeaarrThe winners and losers

from 2010, including bestdriver’s car, best road, theyear’s biggest surprise and

the coveted Life On Carscar of the year award

Only in the next issue, seelifeoncars.blogspot.com

for more details