www. l i f eonca r s . b l o g spo t . com
BBaarrggaaiinn
tthhrrii ll llss iinn
YYoorrkksshhiirree
aanndd
CCuummbbrriiaa
N O V e M B e R 2 0 1 0N O V e M B e R 2 0 1 0I s s u e T W OI s s u e T W O
PP ll uu ss tt hh ee ll aa tt ee ss tt
mm oo tt oo rr ii nn ggnn ee ww ss ,,
rr ee vv ii ee ww ss ,, aa nn dd oo pp ii nn ii oo nn
AA bbrriiddggeettoooo
ffaarr??
PLUS: The Stig vs Top Gear
EDIToR David Simister
DESIGNER David Simister
www.lifeoncars.blogspot.com
E-MAIL [email protected]
ADDITIoNAL PHoToGARPHY:
MINI, Ford and Citroen, Page 3; Mitsubishi, page 5; Pages 6 and 7,
Lotus Cars; Nissan and Jaguar, Pages 8 and 9; Lotus Cars, page 14; all
other photography by David Simister.
Read Life On Cars each Wednesday in The Champion newspaper, on
the web at www.lifeoncars.blogspot.com and on the radio on the Live
From Studio One show on Dune 107.9fm
© Life on Cars 2010
Coming soon3Finding your Ford Fiesta, Citroen DS3 or MINI Countryman a little less
exciting than you’d expected? You should try these hardcore versions
just unveiled for next year’s World Rally Championship
2 Life On Cars
Created by
THE magazine is back!
The question is...why?
You're reading only the
second ever magazine
from Life On Cars, follow-
ing the pilot version ear-
lier this year. That issue
was only ever meant to be
a one-off, but in the end I
decided there's just too
much going on in the
world of motoring to not
do another.
For starters, there's the
trio of rally cars on the
opposite page, which be-
tween them are set to
herald the sport's most
exciting season in years.
As much as I'd love to see
Ford finally winning
again, the smart money's
got to be on Sebastian
Loeb and the Citroen con-
tenders.
Then there's the LA
Auto Show, including the
Stateside debut for
Jaguar's incredible C-X75,
and the ongoing debacle
of whether The Stig from
Top Gear should have
been unveiled or not.
But most spectacular of
all is the announcement
of not one, but five new
sports cars from Lotus - a
company, don't forget,
that's been to the brink of
bankruptcy more than
once in recent memory.
Finally, there's just
room to mention work on
a special Car of The Year
issue, due out later this
year, but that's another
issue for another time.
Until now, enjoy this
one...
In this issueIn this issue
Fire up the...4...the latest contenders for your cash. Motoring writer David Simister
has been behind more of the year’s most important cars, including the
controversially-styled new MINI, the Countryman
The famous five6No, not the characters from the Enid Blyton stories, but the quintet of
new Lotus models recently revealed as part of the company’s quest to
take on Porsche. Jaws to the floor, please...
LA Auto Show 20108All the latest news from the increasingly important Stateside show,
from the American debut of Jaguar’s glorious C-XJ5 concept car to a
curious cabriolet version of Nissan’s Murano off-roader
Northern soul12Lancashire and Yorkshire are hiding some of Britain’s best driving
roads, as we discovered when we took two Minis and a £100 Renault 5
to the Lakes and Dales in search of a good museum
The Stig secret10You’ve been living in a cave if you don’t know the masked racer’s true
identity by now, but why was the British media so hooked by the story?
David Simister investigates media phenomenom of The Stig
Best of the blog14What connects the Lexus IS-F, David Hasselhoff, and Dragons’ Den?
Easy - they’ve all been given a grilling in the Life On Cars column in
The Champion. Here’s some of the highlights
Rover and out?16David Simister has moved up in the world, thanks to a regal Rover that
cost just £300. Pity about the tartan rug jokes, then
Jaguar is 75!11The company unveiled a turbine-powered supercar to celebrate, but at
Life On Cars we couldn’t afford that. So we went endurance racing in
Wales with an old XJ6 instead
3Life On Cars
CCoommiinngg ssoooonn The cars you could bedriving next year
YoU’LL have to turn the
page for the full Fire Up
The verdict, but MINI’s
newest model - the four
wheel drive Countryman -
isn’t really in the spirit of
its cult classic predeces-
sor.
BMW are obviously keen
to prove otherwise be-
cause they’ve just re-
vealed a hardcore rally
version, which is much
more like it.
With the same red
colour scheme and fog-
light-heavy frontage as
the Monte Carlo rally win-
ners from the 1960s and
stylised union flag on the
windscreen, you can’t
help feel the car’s makers
are going for a bit of a
Paddy Hopkirk nostalgia in
their attempts to win the
2011 World Rally Champi-
onship.
Spirit of the SixtiesSpirit of the Sixties
It’s one of a trio of new
contenders unveiled for
next year’s World Rally
Championship, with the
emphasis on moving to
smaller, lighter machines.
Ford is keen on fighting
for top honours on the
rally stages, with this
agressively-styled take on
the latest Fiesta being the
latest in a long line of
rally machines from the
company, and Citroen,
who scored a string of
rally victories with its C4
WRC, is hoping to repeat
its success with the DS3
WRC by employing the
skills of rallying superstar
Sebastian Loeb once
again.
It’s impossible to say
who is going to win next
year’s WRC, but it’ll be a
blast finding out...
For the latest carnews check out
the Life On Carsblog at:
lifeoncars.blogspot.com
rallying
THERE'S a little-known
tale from the creation of
the new MINI I suddenly
remembered while road-
testing the Countryman.
The story goes that just
after BMW signed off the
reinvention of the British
small car classic, they fig-
ured that if their smallest
car is called a MINI, then
logically its eventual big-
ger brother should be
christened the MAXI. only
when they realised British
Leyland had already tried
- and not entirely success-
fully - did the idea get
quietly dropped.
This, to all extents and
purposes, is that car; a
MINI that stretches the
idea of being minature to
its vaguest, fuzziest
realms yet. It is MINI
made massive, a car
that's trying to grow
faster than the families
spawned by the com-
pany's original customers.
Don't move out of your
MINI and into an MPV just
yet, not when you can
have the same retro style
in a slightly bigger pack-
age. That's the idea, any-
way.
But the Countryman -
cutely named in homage
of the Sixties Mini estates
- comes across as a turgid
take on its smaller and
sportier sisters, boasting
all the familiar MINI
styling cues but in a
slightly bloated way. It's
the same story on the in-
side too, with an interior
that blends its use of
colours and materials
well but comes across as
chintzy in some of the
fussier details, particu-
larly the pizza-sized
speedometer surrouding
the stereo.
out on the road it han-
dles impressively for
something its size, with a
smooth feel through the
brakes and suspension,
but it feels almost unre-
lated to the sprightly
MINI hatchbacks, with the
fun factor strangely ab-
sent.
Where it does impress
is not the packaging but
the dressing, with the
retro touches like the
cool rocker switches on
the dashboard being fa-
4 Life On Cars
The road testverdict on the
motors that matter
FFiirree uupp tthhee......
...MINI Countryman...MINI Countryman BMW now makes its babybigger than ever before
miliar to MINI moguls, but
almost unheard of among
rivals like Ford's Kuga and
Nissan's Quashqai, which
focus more on practicality
than pose value.
But in the end there's
one big problem that'd
stop me buying one:
Skoda's Yeti, which can't
match the MINI brand's
catchet but makes up for
it by being better almost
everywhere else, particu-
larly where driving, prac-
ticality and value for
money are concerned. If
you really want driving
fun for all the famil, buy
one of those.
Weirdly, if you want the
most MINI for your money,
you're better off sticking
with the smaller ones.
5Life On Cars
...Mitsubishi Shogun...Mitsubishi Shogun
It’s a rare thing:a 4x4 for peoplewho actuallydrive off road
IT'S big, brash, and an un-
apologetic throwback to
another age, but by gum
you'd want it on your side
in a fight.
Mitsubishi's latest Shogun
is the perfect car should
you ever decide Southport
needs a regime change-
Paint the letters ‘U' and
‘N' onto the bonnet of the
very white 3.2 diesel ver-
sion I tested and you
could even pass yourself
off as a peacekeeper, be-
cause this is exactly the
sort of tough trooper of a
vehicle the United Nations
swears by. It's good
enough for them, but is it
still good enough for us?
out on the road the
Shogun drives exactly how
you'd expect a tall four-
wheel-drive weighing it at
three tonnes to, with the
168bhp V6 pulling well
enough but being lum-
bered by the way the
body rolls into the cor-
ners. The handy rear cam-
era helps make parking a
doddle and the oodles of
torque are perfect for
towing trailers and cara-
vans, but you'll never es-
cape the sheer size of the
Shogun.
But it's biggest problem is
the same one which af-
fects all of the really big
off-roaders, because buy-
ing one of these is bound
to attract the unwanted
attention of bystanders,
who don't care what you
have to tow or carry. Driv-
ing a Shogun - or a Discov-
ery or Grand Cherokee for
that matter - seems to at-
tract an endless series of
dirty looks, flicked fingers
and scathing remarks.
The Shogun is tough as
nails, unstoppable on the
rough stuff and a titan of
the towing world. But po-
litically correct it isn't.
...Citroen DS3...Citroen DS3It’s goodbye to cashback deals anddepreciation as the French firmlaunches a luxurious take on thehot hatch. The good news is thatit’s a cracker to drive
THE hot hatch hits of yes-
teryear have been
remixed and re-released
by pop pickers Citroen for
the first of the firm's new
luxury lineup.
Check out the com-
pany's sporty DS3 hatch-
back and it's obvious that
the styling's definitely
straight out of 2010, and
defiantly not retro like its
MINI and Fiat 500 rivals.
It's got some clever styling
cues, like the way the
side pillars never quite
reach the roofline, but it's
not a car you could ever
mistake as something
that's escaped from a mo-
toring museum.
Anyone used to the old
C2 or Saxo VTS is going to
be in familiar territory the
first time they take the
new arrival to a twisty
corner - it's a blast, in the
same way the best hot
hatches are. The too-light
clutch takes a little time
to get used to and you al-
ways seem to sit a little
higher than you'd like, but
these are minor gripes
with a grippy and involv-
ing Yorkshire Terrier of a
car which snaps at the
ankle of much bigger mo-
tors.
But cast your eyes back
to the cabin itself and
you'll find you're in a very
different world, with
swathes of metal giving
the dash a shine of qual-
ity, and plenty of space
for you and your passen-
gers. It's clear Citroen is
determined not only to
take on the MINI with the
DS3, but the likes of Alfa's
MiTo and Audi's A1 too.
It's that rare thing; a
Citroen that's cool.
IT'S the Paris Motorshow
and every right-minded
petrolhead is pondering
the same question; why
launch one new model
when you can launch five?
I always imagined the
chaps at Lotus would get
quite offended if you
called them a conven-
tional car maker, so it's
somehow appropriate that
just months after return-
ing to the world's race-
tracks with a semi-official
F1 effort they've launched
a quintet of new cars.
Not only have the Elise,
Esprit, Elite and Elan
models been revisted with
a selection of sports cars
in different shapes and
sizes, the Norfolk com-
pany's also gunning for the
likes of Porsche's Panam-
era with its four-door
Eterne, making it the first
Lotus saloon since the
slightly loopy Lotus Carl-
ton of the early 1990s.
Is the company's PR
coup five times better
than just launching a sin-
gle model, which on its
own would have been
enough to steal the
show, like the Evora man-
aged to at London's mo-
torshow two years ago?
I'm not so sure.
6 Life On Cars
LLoottuussffrruuiitt
Last month a Britishsports car company
launched not one, butfive new models in a bid
to become the Britishanswer to Porsche.
These are the stunningnew models that Lotus
reckon will put them onthe map
The new Esprit is the
most immediately exotic
and exciting - it's a real
Ferrari-chaser, and the
first we've had from Lotus
since the original Esprit
died off several years ago
- and the Eterne is a bold
venture into uncharted
waters, but the others
stray from Lotus heart-
lands a little too quickly.
The £35,000 Elise, for
instance, is getting worry-
ingly close to Porsche
Boxster territory for
what's meant to be a
small, lightweight little
sports car, but it's the
Elan which is almost un-
recognisable from its il-
lustrious predecessors.
Lotus reckons Elan drivers
demand more but the last
two were a success be-
cause they gave less - as
in less weight, which
made them a favourite
with keen drivers.
And the Elite? As a
£115,000 Lotus it makes
little sense, but I love it
already. Clearly nobody
actually needs one, but
that's exactly why I'd
have one.
I have until 2014 to
save up.
7Life On Cars
Clockwise, from top left: The Elan, shown at
Paris in classic Lotus yellow, moves in a more
upmarket direction than its two predecessors,
aiming for the Porsche 911 and costing around
£75,000. The Elise, meanwhile, gets V6 power
for the first time, and is expected to cost
around £35,000. The Eterne, bottom, marks
new territory for the firm, and is expected to
compete with Porsche’s Panamera, in much
the same way the Elite, at £115,000 will take
on the Mercedes SL. But it’s the Esprit which
should get petrolheads most excited, reviving
a classic supercar name and taking aim
straight at the Ferrari 458 Italia.
Five reasons to get yourname on the waiting list
LA Auto Show 2010Starring the American debut of the most beautifulJaguar for a generation, the turbine-powered C-X75.Oh, and a raft of eco-friendly debutantes too
8 Life On Cars
Jaguar C-X75
ALRIGHT, we'll come
clean; this stunning bit of
kit was actually made
public at the Paris Motor-
show more than a month
ago, but as it's impressing
the Americans just as
much, why not?
Using gas turbines,
electricity and a sophisti-
cated four-wheel-drive
system might all sound a
bit space age but in truth
Jaguar's C-X75 is as much
about the 75-year-old
company's past as the fu-
ture, with shades of E-
Type, XJ220 and even the
XK180 concept car in its
evocative curves.
"The C-X75 is every-
thing a Jaguar should be.
It possesses remarkable
poise and grace yet at the
same time has the excite-
ment and potency of a
true supercar," said
Jaguar design director Ian
Callum, whose delicate
sketching also brought us
the Aston Martin DB7 and
the current Jaguar XK.
"You could argue this is
as close to a pure art
form as a concept car can
get and we believe it is a
worthy homage to 75
years of iconic Jaguar de-
sign."
But - as with its illustri-
ous predecessors - there's
pace to go with the
grace, with the combined
780bhp from all four of
the turbines making the
C-X75 capable of reaching
205mph, and getting
from a standstill to
62mph in just 3.4 sec-
onds.
Will it make the pro-
duction? Given its exotic
powerplant and the num-
ber of previous Jaguar
concepts which have
failed to make it off the
motorshow stand, proba-
bly not.
Fingers crossed,
though...
World debuts
A number of new
cars are being
shown for the first
time, including the
Chevrolet Camaro
Convertible, Saab
9-4X, Volkswagen
Eos, the five door
take on the Range
Rover Evoque and
Chrysler’s 200.
For more info visit
www.lifeoncars.
blogspot.com
LA Auto Show 2010
9Life On Cars
Volvo Air MotionCoMING a close second
to the Jag in the jaw-
dropping stakes is this, a
Volvo that's lighter than a
Formula one car and is
powered by turbines soar-
ing 1,000ft above it.
No, really.
The Volvo Air Motion is
not, the Swedish company
argues, a car at all. It's a
carver, which uses tur-
bines flown like kites
above it to harness the
power of the wind, which
the Air Motion then turns
into electricity. Unsurpris-
ingly, it was designed in
California, a state which
loves both eco-friendly
vehicles and the kite-surf-
ing buggies which helped
inspire this machine's
design.
Volvo says the Air Mo-
tion not only demon-
strates the beauty and
purity of Scandinavian de-
sign, but also delivers a
guilt free, raw driving ex-
perience.
If IKEA sold cars?
Nissan MuranoCrosscabriolet
NISSAN’S sleek
SUV, the Murano,
is now available as
a convertible,
even if we’re still
trying to figure out
why.
Designed to
carry four adults
in leather-lined al
fresco comfort,
the company say it
is the first ever
crossover cabriolet,
despite Jeep being
able to offer you an
open top Wrangler
for roughly the same
price.
If you’re tempted
to try one out, you’d
better head to the
US, where it goes on
sale early next year.
ToYoTA has teamed up
with US electric sports car
specialists Tesla to create
this, a volt-power version
of the RAV-4 off-roader.
Although it hasn’t been
officially confirmed yet
both companies hope to
see it on sale in the States
by the summer of 2012.
ToyotaRAV-4 EV
SSoommee ssaayy......CHANCES are you'll know
the nation's favourite
tame racing driver. Some
say he's a Formula Three
driver and that after
threatening to reveal his
identity in an autobiogra-
phy, he took on the
world's biggest broad-
caster in the High Court.
All we (officially) know
is he's called The Stig.
The nationals' ongoing
fascination with Top
Gear's mystery man in the
white racing overalls
shows not only how big
the Beeb's biggest pro-
gramme is in 2010, but
just how far the show -
something its creator
claimed would be getting
back to basics earlier this
year - has moved away
from being the pokey mo-
toring show I grew up
with.
What most viewers for-
get is that the anonymous
automotive character has
revealed himself before,
when in 2003 Perry Mc-
Carthy revealed he was
the man behind the origi-
nal, black-suited Stig. Top
Gear dispatched with him
in characteristically out-
landish fashion, firing him
and a nitrous-powered
Jaguar XJS off the end of
an aircraft carrier - but
because the show wasn't
as widely-watched at the
time, the nationals largely
ignored it.
But when Ben Collins,
the man behind Mc-
Carthy's white-suited re-
placement, decided he
too wanted to reveal his
Life On Cars
David Simister on why theUK media were hooked
when The Stig was finallyunmasked this year
10
secretive role on the
show, Top Gear had grown
massively into a pro-
gramme with an esti-
mated 350 million viewers
worldwide - making it one
of the Beeb's biggest earn-
ers - and the media, al-
ready obsessed over the
presenters' celebrity sta-
tus, quickly pounced on
the Stig story.
A number of national
newspapers, notably The
Daily Star, had already
outed Collins as the char-
acter in January 2009, so
when news of the autobi-
ography and the High
Court case hit the news in
July this year, the Stig's
identity had been "an
open secret" for over a
year.
" The whole point of the
Stig is the mystique – the
bizarre characteristics he
has, the wonderment cre-
ated about what he might
think, feel, do or look
like. Kids adore the con-
ceit, and I believe adults,
although they know it’s a
man in a suit (or is it?),
gladly buy into the whole
conceit because they find
it entertaining," Andy
Wilman, Top Gear's pro-
ducer, wrote on his blog
during the case, where he
angrily defended the BBC's
right to keep the Stig se-
cret.
"Even the papers, who
love to make mischief,
have kept everyone guess-
ing over the years because
they acknowledge that
viewers like the Stig se-
crecy thing."
But in the end it was
The Stig's lack of secrecy
which killed the BBC's
case, with Mr Justice Mor-
gan, the high court judge
who turned down the
broadcaster's injunction
request to block publica-
tion of the book in a pri-
vate hearing , saying that
"for all practicaly pur-
poses" anyone who
wanted to know The Stig's
identity could easily ob-
tain it through the media.
"It was such a shock. It
was horrible actually be-
cause I liked him and he
came round to my house
and had drinks and all
that time he was writing a
book," Jeremy Clarkson
said a week later, in a
video interview published
by oxfordshire-based
community news service
WitneyTV.
"He's just decided he'd
rather be ... put it this
way he's history as far as
we are concerned. He's
sacked."
Ben Collins - and
Harper Collins, who will
be publishing The Man in
the White Suit later this
year - had beaten the
world's biggest broad-
caster, and within weeks
he'd given up the role al-
together and switched to
Fifth Gear, a rival motor-
ing show on Channel Five.
In his first piece, on
dragsters, he told viewers
"I can speak, and it's a
massive pleasure to do so.
I spent too long in a
stormtrooper's outfit for
my liking, but I've not
given up my love of fast
cars."
Can Top Gear survive
the scandal? Given its au-
dience of millions, three
charismatic presenters
and a previous history of
finding creative ways to
deal with Stigs which
speak too much, chances
are it can.
Some say...
Tabloid sensation
Clarkson’s shock
11Life On Cars
HERE'S a date you proba-
bly didn’t scrawl into
your diary. Jaguar's 75th
birthday.
So far, the Coventry
company's survived The
Blitz, the ravages of sev-
eral recessions and even
the worst British Leyland
can throw at it, which a
couple of Life on Cars-
reading mates and I
thought was worth cele-
brating. Until we saw the
mud.
The idea was brilliant;
take a rotten Jag with a
touch too many miles on
WWhheeeellssppiinniinn WWaalleess
the clock to a dirt track in
Prestatyn, put up against
a field of more mundane
motors in a six-hour en-
durance race, and watch
it win with style. Admit-
tedly, the 19-year-old
XJ40 we'd picked wasn't
one of the Big Cat's proud-
est moments, but it's still
a car from a company
with seven Le Mans wins,
a string of rally victories
and a slightly successful
F1 team to its name. We
couldn't lose.
Unfortunately, the race
took place on the same
drenched day Southport's
Air Show got cancelled,
meaning the track was a
quagmire of squelch and
mud even Range Rover
owners would think twice
about tackling. The race
commentator, sat snugly
in his caravan, put in per-
fectly as the field of Mi-
cras, Polos and Escorts
raced past; we were driv-
ing 3.2 litres of pure
wheelspin.
I never thought I'd say
this, but the Jag was just
too big and too powerful,
and with no grip we spent
most of the time powers-
liding pointlessly as cars
your mum used for the
school run ten years ago
tore ahead. We were los-
ing, but because we were
in a Jag, we were losing
with style.
our muddy outing is
about as far from Jaguar's
string of Le Mans as you
can possibly imagine, but I
loved every minute of
each chaotic lap, made
more terrifying still be-
cause the steering wheel
seemed to have little to
no influence over where
the big Jag was heading.
It was a rubbish and yet
utterly brilliant addition
to Jaguar's proud motor-
sport pedigree.
And here's the best bit;
unlike the cocky whipper-
snappers who laughed
every time their machines
lapped ours, the Jag actu-
ally crossed the finish
line, even if it was sliding
sideways at walking pace.
We might have been a
long way off winning but
we did the entire event,
to quote an old Jag ad slo-
gan, with grace, space
and pace. A fitting tribute
to the Big Cat, then.
The maker of Britain's
most beautiful cars is 75
years old, and we found a
smashing way to mark the
occasion. Literally.
Ever wondered what enduranceracing a Jaguar around a muddytrack might be like? Wonder nomore...
AT one point, on a par-
ticularly gridlocked M6
near Lancaster, I actually
thought going on another
driving adventure was a
bad idea.
Readers of the Life On
Cars website might have
spotted something I'd
planned called The Moun-
tains and Museums Run,
which had it not got can-
celled thanks to no pro-
motion whatsoever,
would have last weekend
been the first ever Life
on Cars event. It got
shelved because most of
the classic car nuts
(rightly) decided that oc-
tober's just too wet and
wild to take their pride
and joy out, but - given
that I'd booked a few
12 Life On Cars
It’s hard to beatthe Dales or Lakesfor driving fun, as
David Simisterfinds out
OOuurr ddaayy oouutt
days off - a few mates and
I decided to go anyway.
Designed to be done in
just two days, it's a crack-
ing route through the
countryside, taking in two
counties, two National
Parks, three motoring mu-
seums and one pub with
very tall ambitions. More
importantly, it mixes some
of Britain's most demand-
ing roads, including the
Buttertubs and Kirkstone
mountain passes - to make
the motoring extra memo-
rable.
With the Mini long gone
and the MGB nowhere
near ready, it fell to the
£100 Renault 5 to get me
to the fells, and as soon
as I got there it became
instantly obvious that it
was far faster than either
of the two Minis my mates
had brought along. For a
car I bought originally as
something to keep me
moving while my own Mini
was in winter hibernation
earlier this year; it's really
grown on me despite the
dowdy styling. As well as
being endlessly reliably,
it's got far more poise and
precision than any 1.4
hatchback really ought to!
What I did learn from
my lessons in the Lakes?
Firstly, that The Mountains
and Museums Run can be
done in less than two days
with stops at Cars of the
Stars, The Bond Museum
and the Lakeland Motor
Museum to spare. The
route's here in all its glory,
if you fancy giving it a go
yourself, but I am plan-
ning on doing it as a
proper event, when the
weather's better, some-
time next year.
But more importantly
I've reminded myself that
it doesn't really matter
what you're behind the
wheel of (though it helps),
as long as you've got a
group of mates behind you
and a few miles of chal-
lenging mountain passes
ahead. You might have to
put up with a few grid-
locked motorways on the
way there, but it's worth
it.
The smiles are back.
13Life On Cars
Bond Museum is licensedto thrill film fanatics
oNE of the places we visited on our adventure was
the Bond Museum in Keswick, where you you can
spy a series of motors used by Britain’s best known
secret agent.
Anyone who's ever been up to the Lakes on a rainy
day is probably already familiar with the one sat in
the town's Cars of The Stars Museum, but it's the
much newer Bond Museum, a ten minute walk to
the other side of the town, that's really worth the
visit. If you've ever seen a Bond film - and I know of
only one person who hasn't - it's an absolute gem.
obviously you get a silver DB5 thrown in - it is THE
James Bond car - but you also get to see the
aquatic Lotus Esprit once used to transport Roger
Moore's eyebrows around, the invisible Aston from
Die Another Day (although this particular gadget
wasn't working that day) and just about every other
prop Pinewood Studios had lying around.
But my own particular favourite had to be the ac-
tual Aston used to escape from some annoyed
Czech police officers in The Living Daylights, pic-
tured, even though I was convinced it'd been blown
up as part of the car chase across a frozen lake. It
is the real star from my favourite Bond film of all,
even though Timothy Dalton was also the best actor
to play Bond. There, I said it.
Whether you're a petrolhead or not, if you've ever
enjoyed any James Bond film you're going to love
this museum, which is well worth the visit on your
next walking holiday in the Lakes.
Complaints from Sean Connery fans to the usual ad-
dress, please.
Clockwise, from left: The convoy reaches the
spectacular Ribblehead Viaduct, in the heart
of the Yorkshire Dales; crossing Windermere
on the car ferry, in the Lake District; stopping
for a well-deserved break at the Tan Hill Inn,
Britain’s highest pub at 1,732 feet
How to join in the fun WANT to try it out for yourself? It couldn’t be easier:
Where we stayed
Patterdale Youth Hostel, Cumbria, 017684 82394
Where we dined
Tan Hill Inn, near Keld, North Yorkshire, 01833 628 246
Where we visited
Bond Museum, Keswick, Cumbria, 01768 775007
Cars of the Stars, Keswick, Cumbria, 01768 773757
Lakeland Motor Museum, Newby Bridge, Cumbria,
01539 530400
Roads we drove
Buttertubs Pass, North Yorkshire; A685 between Kirkby
Stephen and Kendal; A6 between Kendal and Penrith;
A592, between Penrith and Windermere, A593, B6285,
between Windermere and Coniston
Full details of the route available online only at
www.lifeoncars.blogspot.com
EVEN if he didn't bring
down the Berlin Wall
there's one thing we can
all learn from David Has-
selhoff; never, ever try
talking to your car.
I I was reminded of the
Baywatch star and ambas-
sador of all things slightly
cringeworthy while at the
wheel of Mazda's MX-5,
one of my favourite little
sports cars, in what should
have been one of the most
delightful drives I've
bagged all year. With
2010's longest evening, a
seaside resort, sunshine
and a bright red roadster
at my disposal, I had all
the right ingredients.
It's just a shame I
mucked it up by trying to
set up the phone instead.
on the face of it cars
with Bluetooth are a bril-
liant idea, because it re-
moves any temptation to
race around with Nokia's
finest glued to your face,
although it's something I
was a bit surprised to find
in something as single-
mindedly sporty as the
two seater MX-5. The
problem is - and it's some-
thing I've found with
every car cum communi-
cation gizmo - is that they
just don't work.
The little Mazda, for
instance, has a button on
the steering wheel you
press, at which point a
female voice which
sounds eerily similar to a
BBC newsreader asks you
to simply say the number
you want to call. You then
tell Anna Ford that you'd
like to ring the missus, at
which point she'll read
back a number com-
pletely different to the
one you've just told her.
“Is this number cor-
rect?”
You'll then have to say
“No, no, No” repeatedly
until the gadget hears
you, a task made trickier
still by the whooshing
wind noise you'll get if
you've got the MX-5's roof
down. The whole process
repeats itself in an in-
creasingly depressing
loop, until Anna tells you,
in her kindest BBC Break-
fast voice, that you can't
call your girlfriend, be-
cause she no longer ex-
ists.
It was only at this point
that I realised I was driv-
ing around Southport on
my own while shouting
“Yes, yes, yes!” at my car,
and that absolutely every
other road user could hear
me because - being in a
convertible on a sunny
evening - the roof was
down.
At least KITT could tell
David Hasselhoff he
looked like he a lunatic.
Mazda's MX-5 might be
brilliant, but it's not intel-
ligent enough to do that
just yet.
Strange stories and outspoken opinion fromthe motoring world via the Life On Cars blog
lleett lloooossee
Why Bluetooth, DavidWhy Bluetooth, DavidHasselhoff and open topHasselhoff and open topsports cars don’t mixsports cars don’t mix
Top tenlottery
win cars
WHAT would you blow
your Euromillions win
on, given the chance?
These are the ten star
cars I suggested should
fill the Life On Cars
dream garage:
1) TVR Griffith
2) Aston One-77
3) Ferrari 458 Italia
4) Ferrari F40
5) Jaguar XJ220
6) TVR Cerbera 4.5
7) Range Rover Vogue
8) Audi Sport Quattro
9) Aston Martin Cygnet
10) Lotus Evora
(pictured above)
Life On Cars14
Micro machineMicro machinean a=-Peel-ingan a=-Peel-ingcar prospectcar prospect
SSUPPoSE you landed a
spot on business-savvy
BBC show Dragon's Den.
Given five smirking ty-
coons and an audience of
millions, what would you
pitch?
So far the series has put
serious amounts of cash
behind a brand of spicy
sauce, a treadmill for
dogs, an indie band and a
teddy bear that doubles
up as an MP3 player, so
they're not averse to mak-
ing the occasional odd in-
vestment. But a
four-ft-long car last made
on the Isle of Man over
forty years ago? Thanks to
James Caan, the Peel is
making a comeback!
Most peoples' experi-
ence of this miniscule
motor is still the slightly
ridiculous Top Gear
episode from a couple of
years ago, shown below,
when all 6 ft 5 of Jeremy
Clarkson squeezed himself
in for a quick spin around
the BBC News offices in
London. He jokingly said it
was the future, but James
Caan is serious enough to
stack a whopping £80,000
in its favour.
Both the Peel P50 and
the Trident, were pow-
ered by ancient moped
engines when they first
appeared in the early Six-
ties but when it's given
the Dragon's Den treat-
ment it'll be propelled
along by an eco-friendly
electric unit and cost
around £8,000, which is
about the same as you'd
pay for the four-seat
treatment you'll get in a
Fiat Panda. But no matter
how hard you try, you
can't get a Fiat Panda into
an elevator, and that's the
P50's party trick.
Regular readers will al-
ready know I'm a big fan
of fun little cars; along
with owning an original
Mini, I've admired the
clever packaging of Toy-
ota's tiny IQ since it was
launched last year, and
the Gulliver's World pro-
portions of the Peel just
take things to a surreal
new level. In much the
same way as you want a
phone that fits in your
pocket, you know you
want a car you can leave
in that cupboard under
the stairs at night.
Would I buy one? Ab-
solutely, although Cham-
pion Media Group might
have to take a more lib-
eral look at its car parking
policy if I do.
I'd leave mine next to
my desk in the newsroom.
The Japanese M3 that’s too fastThe Japanese M3 that’s too fastI’D rather have a Suzuki
Swift than a 170mph
Lexus.
This is one of the con-
trived conclusions I've
come to after spending a
day driving a selection of
newly-launched cars
around the Yorkshire
countryside, after which I
sat down and pondered
whether I really am The
Champion office petrol-
head. I'll say it again; I'd
rather have a Suzuki Swift
Don't get me wrong; I
loved the Lexus, primarily
because it's by far and
away the most bonkers
car I've ever been allowed
to drive. Anyone not fa-
miliar with this four-door
flyer might dismiss it as a
normal Lexus saloon with
a bad Max Power bodykit
on it, but the first mo-
ment you mash your right
foot into the floor and get
the 414bhp V8 to strut its
stuff is sublime and scary
in equal measure. It is in-
toxicatingly, frighteningly
and licence-losingly fast.
Which is why I couldn't
recommend it, because its
strongest suit, the tidal
wave of torque it offers
up, is also its biggest
drawback. The moments
when you feel the explo-
siveness of this car's en-
gine are just that;
moments, because within
seconds you've shot up to
speeds you really should-
n't be doingI'm actually
beginning to wonder
whether I hanker for
horsepower at all. A week
after whinging that a
wheelspinning Jag was
completely outclassed by
Escorts and Polos in an en-
durance race, I've realised
that an entirely different
bit of Japanese automo-
tive engineering to the
Lexus is a belter for
Britain's highways and by-
ways.
Suzuki's new Swift is
about as far from the IS-F
as I can imagine, but as if
someone's stolen a Mazda
MX-5, one of my favourite
sports cars, disguised it as
a small shopping car, and
then put it on sale.
IIt really is that good.
Read more motoring
rants from David Simister
on the blog online at
lifeoncars.blogspot.com
15Life On Cars
16 Life On Cars
1996 Rover 214SEi:
“RELAX. It's a Rover.
The long-gone
Longbridge concern's
old ad slogan couldn't
have rung more true
the first time I gave
the latest arrival on
the Life On Cars fleet
its first proper run,
heading for home up
the M57. Sporty this
£300, 1995 Rover 214
isn't, despite it com-
ing in a rather fetch-
ing shade of British
Racing Green.
on wet, nasty No-
vember nights, it's
nice to step into
something that
soothes your brow as
you head home.
I'm so relaxed, in
fact, that I haven't
even bothered to ask
the obvious questions
yet. Is the notoriously
fickle K-Series engine
going to blow a head
gasket? Are the
strangely solid-look-
ing sills hiding a life-
time of rot?
And - most worry-
ingly - does my
choice of a Rover as
my latest purchase
mean I'm about to
prematurely cele-
brate my fiftieth
birthday?
All, I'm sure, will
be revealed.
November, 2010
The clappedout classics in
the Life OnCars garage
OOnnee ffoooott iinntthhee ggrraavvee
CCaarr ooff tthhee YYeeaarrThe winners and losers
from 2010, including bestdriver’s car, best road, theyear’s biggest surprise and
the coveted Life On Carscar of the year award
Only in the next issue, seelifeoncars.blogspot.com
for more details