Target Who?They’re different. As you walk betweenclasses you see them—the kids who are“targets.” You know theones—the kids who arethe “too” kids. Too tall,too short, too fat, tooskinny, too smart, toostupid, too pretty, toougly, too popular, too out,too in, too scrawny, tooathletic, too mature, tooimmature, too quiet, tooeverything…

Maybe they’re the kidswho don’t wear name-brand clothes, who aren’tin the “in” crowd, or theones who may be havingproblems with acne.Maybe they don’t have the“right” haircut or hangwith the “right” friends.

Maybe they’re the kids who aren’t confident or don’thave many friends. You know—the loners. Maybethey’re the kids who sit at the “uncool” table at lunch.Maybe they’re the gifted kids—you know, the reallysmart ones—or the kids who go to special classes forreading or math because learning is hard for them.

Maybe they look or act “funny” or “awkward” andbecause of that, people make fun of them. Maybethey have braces or wear glasses. Maybe they don’thave the latest game system, best cell phone, or thebest shoes. Maybe they don’t have money. Maybethey have too much money. For whatever reason,they wear a target.

Targets are on the chests of different types of peopleevery day as you walk between classes, and all fordifferent reasons.

And most school days as you walk between yourclasses, you hope that the target is not on your chest.All you want to do is blend in and hope that thebullies pick someone else as their latest victim.

But what happens when you feel like you’re the onewho feels different? You feel like you’re the one whois “too” everything.

One thing is for certain—no one has a “right” to be abully, and most certainly, no one should have to

endure a bully’s taunts, physical, emotional or verbalabuse. Being the victim of a bully is not your fault,and it is not a “right of passage.”

You’re You! A Celebration of DiversityAs you are in class each day, walk down the hallwaybetween classes, are active in after-school activities,are on the bus, or are at home with your family, youare your own person.

Part of growing up is growing into the person thatyou are becoming. You have so much inside of youthat is maturing on so many levels—intellectually,socially, emotionally, physically. All of those ways ofgrowing interact to help you become the uniqueperson that you are.

Taking the time to assess where you are with yourselfis important. Be honest with yourself and be true towho you are! In the following exercise, you will be

Have you ever felt like you have been targeted? Explain:

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asked to brainstorm about yourself. Write quickly—as usually the first thing that comes to mind is themost honest and true!

You’ll notice something about this exercise as you fillin the following boxes. You focused on things thatare positive about yourself for the first fewresponses, and then a negative is thrown in at theend. Here’s the honest truth about growing up—Everyone has things that we are not happy withabout ourselves, and more times than not—we focuson the things we don’t like instead of the things thatare great about ourselves! The negative takes overour lives and the positive things that we love aboutourselves are often lost. No one is perfect, andlearning to deal with what we see as our ownimperfections is a hard fact of life.

But there is more to this. If you want to changesomething about yourself because YOU want tochange it—to grow as a person, to feel good aboutyourself, to be a better person—that’s one thing, andyou have the choice to work to find ways to makethose changes happen. But if you just want tochange things about yourself because of SOMEONEELSE—so that someone else will accept you into “thegroup,” so the teasing will stop, so that you can getinto the “right” crowd—then wanting those changesare not for the best reasons.

5 Things You Love About How Your Outer Appearance

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5 Things You Love About Your Personality

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5 Things That Your Friends Like About Hanging Out With You

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If we were all the same, the world would be a ratherboring place. That’s the beauty of life. All differentskin types and complexions, hair colors and styles,eye shapes and colors, beautiful expressions ofpersonality, voices, and so much more bringsuniqueness to our world. Imperfection bringsdiversity. If we could just realize that our differencesare what make us beautiful, then perhaps more timewould be spent accepting others instead of hurtingothers because of differences.

Too many times in your world, judgment comes bylooking at outside appearances. Have you ever seen aclam or other bivalve? You know how it looks, right?

It’s all grimy and gross on the outside. There’s thisslime that is around the outside of the shell andthey’re stinky. The shells that these mussels live inare not even very attractive. Many times they have tobe dug up from the dirt or mud, and sediments fromthe ocean or lake bottom have become a part of theclam’s shell. They’re not always the prettiest thingsto look at…

But what could be inside of each of those clams iswhat is the true miracle. Every bivalve like a clam ormussel inside of a shell has the potential to create

What are your “pearls”—your unique qualities that are within your shell thatfew people know about?

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5 Reasons Why People Value Your Presence

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5 Things You Wish You Could Change About Yourself

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and house something beautiful—somethingcompletely unique. That something it can create is apearl. Pearls are created when foreign objects getstuck inside the shell. The “pearly” side of the shellthen erodes and builds up around the foreign objectto make the pearl. You may have heard of pearlsbeing created from a grain of sand, and that cantruly happen. That one little grain of sand cancreate something beautiful.

It’s only when the icky looking clam is openedthat we see the beauty that could be within.

You are a bit like the clam. Judgments or commentsmay be made about your outer appearance. Yourhard shell may be filled with grime and guck that hasbuilt up from everything around you—commentsfrom so-called friends, snide remarks in the lunch line,people being hypercritical about your appearance,remarks on the bus, etc. But it is only until peopletake the time to truly get to know you for who you arethat they get to see your “pearls”—your uniquequalities that make you who you are! It’s their loss ifthey can’t get past a “shell” to see the true you.

As you grow older, you’ll see that being different iswhat life is all about. Later on in life, you’ll want tobe the job candidate that “sticks out” because of anexcellent skill set. But right now, your reality is thatyou don’t want to be the “fish out of water.” Youwant to be the one to blend in and not get noticed,because if you’re noticed and aren’t ready for it, abully (who more than likely isn’t comfortable with theperson that he/she is presently…) could try to makehimself/herself superior in your world by belittlingyou and making you lose sight of the beauty andrespect that you have for yourself.

The challenge becomes—How do you keep a bullyfrom harming you physically or emotionally?

BullyingDictionary.com defines bully as “a blustering,quarrelsome, overbearing person who habituallybadgers and intimidates smaller or weaker people.”What is also quite interesting is that the word bullyhas its origins in the French and Dutch word boele,which means “friend” or “sweetheart.” How ironicthat the original meaning of the word has changedfrom one of friendship to being an enemy!

Bullying is all about one word—power. A bully feelspower over those that are perceived as “weaker”than he/she is either physically or emotionally. Feardrives a bully to harm others, and it’s often becausethe bully is himself or herself insecure aboutsomething in his/her life.

Beware of the BullySociety today has this misconception that beingbullied is a part of school life. It shouldn’t bethat way. Knowing how bullies harm their “prey”can help you to make good decisions to keepyourself safe.

Physical Bullying—Boys tend to bully physicallymore often than girls. Locker shoving, tripping,giving “swirlies” in the bathroom stalls, spitting onsomeone—you name it, and it’s been done! Physicalbullying can begin with something like knocking offthe books from a desk, bumping into someone in thehallway, and can escalate into all out fights. Theimportant thing to remember about physical bullyingis that any sort of physical contact in an aggressiveway is violence. Violence is unacceptable and shouldbe reported to a trusted adult—like a teacher,principal, parent or counselor. You don’t have to“take it” and you are not “tattling” if you have beenin danger and speak with someone about it.

How do you define a Bully?

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Cyberbullying—Yet another type of bullying thathas just come to be in the last few years iscyberbullying. You have not known the worldwithout computers, cell phones, and instant/textmessaging. Your generation communicates via thecomputer. You chat with your friends using instantmessaging, e-mail, chat rooms, discussion boards,web pages, blogs, and text messaging on your cellphones. When you use your communicationinvolving technology to hurt or harm someone elseintentionally, you are guilty of cyberbullying.

It is not OK to send messages that are cruel aboutsomeone else. It is not OK to create webpages thatmake fun of other people. It is not OK to postmessages about or pictures of someone on messageboards. It is not OK to forward a message that youhave gotten from someone that was supposed to beprivate. Doing these things is rude.

It’s important that you understand thatcyberbullying in any form is harassment. Whensomeone is threatened using technology, the policeor other law enforcement authorities may becomeinvolved in the case. It is never appropriate to harmsomeone with your words…and in this case, there’salways a trail of words when it comes tocyberbullying. Think before you text. Think beforeyou press send. Think about how your words mightbe interpreted by someone else. Your words areyour honor. And your trail of words could proveyour innocence or guilt in a situation.

Emotional Bullying— Girls tend to bullyemotionally more than boys, but that doesn’t meanthat boys are immune. It can take the form ofmanipulation of relationships, spreading of rumors,use of body language, exclusion from groups, andeven cyber-bullying. Whatever form it takes, heartscan be hurt by things that teachers and adults don’teven notice until it’s too late. Emotional bullying canbe just as harmful and hurtful as a punch in the gut.

Sometimes it can feel even worse! Whatever form ittakes, it is unacceptable behavior and you do nothave to deal with it alone. These types of behaviorsare considered to be harassment, and most schoolshave policies that ban such behaviors. Again, seekthe help of a trusted adult if you are in such asituation. Having to deal with comments that hurtyou inside is not “just a part of middle school.” Noone should have to endure being belittled and madeto feel small, low, or excluded.

Relational Bullying—Although they’re not beingsent to the office for shoving and hitting, girls can bethe worst bullies of them all. You’ve heard of therebeing “queen bees” in middle school, right? They’rethe girls who lead the cliques and who pretty muchfeel like they run the school. They usually have theirnoses in everyone else’s private lives, dictate whatother people think or do, and often spread rumorsabout people if they don’t do what she wants themto… What they say usually goes—with regards toclothes, fashion, who is the most popular, whoshould go out with whom, etc. These girls are guiltyof something that is called relational bullying. Thistype of bullying isn’t physical. It’s subtle, builds up,and damages every fiber of the person being bulliedto the core.

These girls manipulate their relationships in orderto hurt other people. They threaten through terriblymean comments and sometimes a “just kidding”afterwards. They bully through their bodylanguage—pointing, funny faces, rolling their eyes.They bully through exclusion, not letting someoneinto the group, not letting someone sit with them atlunch, and talking behind a person’s back. It alsotakes the form of vicious rumor spreading,spreading rumors via text messaging, instantmessaging, or e-mail, whispering about someone,and so much more. This type of bullying is allabout the power of the “queen bee.” She is using

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her power in a negative way to hurt another girl ormake her feel bad about herself. That’s why they’resometimes called “mean girls.”

Choices—Middle school is a time of choice. You getto choose who you sit by at lunch, choose some ofyour classes, choose who you are going to hang outwith, and so much more. Your teachers are probablyalso giving you more choices in your learning. Butwith all of the choices, comes responsibility. You areyour choices. If you choose to hang out withsomeone who puts other people down, you are justas guilty as the person who said the mean things. Ifyou choose to roll your eyes at someone’s outfit andtalk about them behind their back, you are guilty ofbeing an emotional bully.

Choose to hang around people whoare respectful. Choose to treatother people well. Choose tohelp others who need afriend. Choose tocarry yourself withdignity and pride.Choose to helpother studentswho are beingbullied. You arethe better personby doing thosethings.

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Keep Yourself SafeYou have enough stressors in your life—homework, getting to your classes on time,getting to know your teachers, keeping track ofyour extracurricular activities, knowing what’sgoing on in your family. The last thing you needto be worrying about is being bullied.

Physical bullying can happen anywhere, but ithappens most often in the hallway, the lunchroom,on the bus, or in the bathroom. One good copingstrategy if you are being physically bullied is totravel with a buddy or a couple of buddieswherever you go. There is strength in numbers,especially when dealing with bullies. If you are notalone, there will be witnesses to the bullying acts.Telling a bully to stop to attract attention also is agood strategy. You are not being weak when youask for help. The bully is the one that is “in thewrong.”

Staying safe from an emotional bully can be a littleharder. The best way to counteract this type ofbullying is to be OK with who you are, just the wayyou are! Being confident in who you are is the firststep to staying strong during middle school. It’shard to be evaluated by your peers, andsometimes it’s the little things that add up.If you feel as if you are being emotionallybullied, find someone you can confide in—aparent, teacher, counselor, or a friend.Keeping all of your emotions bottled up whenyou are really hurting inside won’t make thingsbetter. Sometimes spilling out your emotionsto someone you trust makes you feel better,and you might get some ideas for how tocombat the bullying from them.

Is there someone in your life that isn’tyour parent or teacher that you canconfide in? This person couldbe an older brother orsister, trustedneighbor, agrandparent, oran aunt or an

uncle. Sometimes a person just needs to talkabout what is going on in his/her life. Findingsomeone that you are close to that you can sit andhave a soda or a snack with can help you cope withthe rigors of middle school. Just knowing there issomeone that will listen to what you are feelingalways helps.

Facing the Hard TruthThe reality that you may have to deal with bullyingin your life isn’t pleasant. In fact, that reality issomething that the adults in your life wish youdidn’t have to deal with…but you do. Knowinghow to face this truth is about power—the powerthat is within you! A bully won’t be able to hurtyou if you love yourself just the way you are. Abully won’t be able to harm your self-esteem if ithas been built so strong that nothing can shake it.A bully will see your confidence in yourself andwon’t bother coming near you, as they know their

comments will just slide right off ofyou. Be proud of the you that youare becoming. Live your life in away that exudes confidence andtruth. The bottom line is this—treat others with respect and theywill treat you well right back!

Whom would you go to if you needed to chat about something? Think of 3 people that you could confide in.

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