[Namonai] Kotonoha No Hana Disc 1

Kotonoha no Hana Disc 1 http://community.livejournal.com/namonai_drama

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Kotonoha no Hana

言ノ葉ノ花



||Release Information||

Author: Sunahara Touko

Illustrator: Miike Romuko

Published: 2008 February 28

Publisher: Atis Collection

||Translation Credits||

Japanese translator: kritiker, worrywart723

Japanese proofer: enfinilover, worrywart723, gabakane

English Proofer: shattered, gabakane

Editor: shattered

||Cast||

Yomura Kazuaki: Kamiya Hiroshi

Hasebe Shuichi: Ono Daisuke

||Summary|| After he suddenly began hearing the voices within people's hearts three

years ago, Yomura has since become withdrawn and untrusting. One day,

he inevitably hears the thoughts of Hasebe, a pure-hearted co-worker who

has long harboured feelings for him. While feeling guilty at first about

hearing Hasebe's inner-most thoughts, Yomura eventually grows fond of

him, because Hasebe is very earnest with his love; the words he says and

the "voice" in his heart are one and the same. But just when Yomura has

heard Hasebe's confession and accepted his affections, Hasebe's reaction

when he finds out that Yomura can hear people's thoughts is indeed

unexpected ...



..::Disc 1::..

..::Track 1::..

It all began on Christmas day three years ago. I proposed to my girlfriend, who was three years younger

than me. The answer she gave me was “OK”. That happy night, we stayed at a hotel room that I had

reserved a month before. But when I woke up the next morning she wasn‟t in my arms, where she was

supposed to be.

Yomura: Snow … It‘s a white Christmas, huh?

She was sitting by the window, looking at the scenery outside. She was small and had a pretty face; a

rather reserved and gentle woman. I bought her a diamond engagement ring with three months of my

pay. I was working at a very big software company at that time; everything in my life … seemed to be

going well … till that moment …

Yomura: Yui…

Yuiko (in her mind): (So this is how it‘s going to be, huh… I don‘t want to be a housewife; I‘ll

die from boredom. But it‘s easier than working… Aah, should I take back my answer? Well,

whatever. At least he can provide me a wealthy life. I wanted to enjoy the freedom a little more.

Maybe if I waited a bit more, I might‘ve met someone better …)

Yomura: Yuiko…?

Yuiko: Ah! You‘re awake? Good morning, Kazuaki. Look, look! While you were sleeping, it

became a white Christmas! Look outside. Isn‘t it pretty?

Yomura: …eh? Y…yes…



Yuiko (in her mind): (Well, the sight isn‘t bad but what am I going to do with that much snow?

Aah, my boots are going to get wet. It‘ll be my first time wearing them and all…)

Yomura: Yuiko…you… what have you been saying?

Yuiko: Eh? What do you mean? I was saying how the falling snow is pretty. You‘re not

romantic at all, Kazuaki.

Yuiko (in her mind): (Has he even been listening to me!? I thought you‘d like it if I acted happy

and all… Does he really think a girl of this age would be happy with snowfall?)

Yomura: !? [Gasps and runs away]

Yuiko: Kazuaki? Where are you going? Hey!!

A warm room; the cold scenery outside. Yuiko's carefree smiling face; cold words that pierce the heart. I

couldn't understand. Right before my eyes, the smiling face of my beloved had turned into a doll's.

Indeed Yuiko‟s voice reached me... but when I heard the cold words, her lips, as though concealing what

her heart was saying, were not moving at all.

[Yomura runs, bumps into hotel worker]

Yomura: Ah!

Hotel worker: Sir! Are you all right? Are you injured any where? (In his mind): (Don‘t get in

my way! Where were you looking!? Hey, it doesn‘t mean you don‘t have to apologize just

because you‘re a customer. Come on, apologize!)

His lips didn‟t move. It wasn‟t just her. I could hear unspoken words. I could hear the voices in other

people‟s hearts. I wanted to escape from the nightmare as soon as possible. But … the way out of it was

nowhere to be found.



..::Track 2::..

[Three years later. A train passes. Jingle bells playing in the background]

Yomura: Ah. Boss. Otsukaresama desu1.

Boss: It‘s really cold tonight. Is it going to snow? Hey, Yomura, go help with handing out

flyers. As I thought, a student part-timer isn‘t reliable enough.

Yomura: Okay. I‘ll go now.

It‟s been half a year since I started working as a computer sales person at a home appliance store. I‟m

already twenty-nine, but I‟m still just a contract employee. It‟s no different to being a lowly part-timer.

Yomura: Christmas Eve, huh? I don‘t like it.

[Various people promoting Christmas sales.]

Yomura: Here, more flyers to hand out. I‘ll help you out. Let‘s do our best together.

Part-timer: Eeeh, it‘s almost closing time, isn‘t it?

Yomura: Some people may come back tomorrow with these flyers, right?

Part-timer: Okay. I‘ll hand them out. (Damn old guy. What if I just throw these flyers away?)

Even though she‟s just a part-timer, what she said in her mind would get her fired. But she was free to

say anything in her mind. Since that morning three years ago, the voices of people‟s hearts kept

sounding in my ears, even though they were not meant to be heard.

Yomura: Yoroshiku onegaishimasu2. We are holding a Christmas sale. Please come inside.

1 Expression used to express thanks to someone who has finished their work for the day. i.e. “You

have worked hard, you must be tired.” The suffix „–sama desu‟ implies politeness (to his boss).

2 This phrase varies in meanings depending on the context. In this case, it means "please come

inside", "please come check out our wares" or just "Have a good day."



A month after I started to hear into people‟s hearts, I quit my old job. No hospital would take me

seriously. I was desperate for help of any kind. I visited a shady clinic and was told my ability was the

“power of God”. It sounded too dubious so I stopped visiting it. Meeting with people had become hard

on me, so I kept to myself and broke up with my fiancé. I was not such a forgiving man that I could still

marry her after what I had heard. It‟s not fun hearing other people‟s hearts. Our hearts are not always

pure, or rather, they are filled with vicious ideas. Their evil thoughts incessantly buzz like swarming

insects. I shunned people, and after two and a half years, I realized that I couldn‟t go on like this forever.

I got sick of myself, so I got this job.

Man: Watch out!!

[Yomura Slips and a man rushes out to break his fall.]

Yomura : Ow, that hurt. H-hey, you. Are you all right? I‘m sorry I wasn‘t paying attention.

Man: (Yomura-san)

I was about to respond. But the man‟s lips did not utter a letter; they remained unmoved.

Man: I‘m alright. It‘s nothing. (It hurts. My leg … is throbbing)

Yomura: It doesn‘t look like it‘s nothing. Can you stand? Here, hold on to my hand.

Man: (Yomura-san. It‘s Yomura-san‘s hand. It‘s Yomura-san‘s voice. Yomura-san …

Yomura-san … Yomura-san …)

Yomura: Uh… um… you?

Man: (I‘ve got … to let go of his hand now. He‘ll think I‘m weird. What should I do? I don‘t

want to let go. It‘s Yomura-san‘s hand… the hand of the person I love…)

The hand of…the person I love.





* * * * *

The next day, the boss made me another offer to be a permanent worker. Because I could hear into

people‟s hearts, I knew both what the customer wanted and what their budget was. I would approach

them in a way that would appeal to them and my approach lead to strong sales.

[Door opens]

Yomura: I‘m sorry. I appreciate the offer but I‘m still not confident enough…

Boss: I thought the conditions weren‘t all that bad… (Really, he can‘t stay being a wannabe

part-timer forever when he is already twenty-nine years old. Young people these days are not

reliable.)

When I accidentally relax my attention, I can hear my boss‟s heart. I‟ve now learned how to shut out

those voices. I could shut them out by concentrating on normal conversations or my own heart. But if my

mind were cluttered up with something those hearts would speak to me once more.

Boss: Well, there‘s nothing I can do if that‘s the case. If you change your mind, tell me.

Yomura: Um… in the lifestyle section, there‘s a young man, isn‘t it? Someone tall…

Hasebe-san, is it?

Boss: Hasebe?

Yomura: Is he a permanent worker too?

Boss: Ah, he is. Although he is serious about the job, he‘s a man of few words.

Hasebe Shuuichi. That‟s the name of the strange man from yesterday. I asked other workers about him

and everyone told me he is a serious, dislikeable and unsociable man.

The hand of…the person I love.

That moment, I knew what kind of love he meant. He is a man and we haven‟t even talked much but it

seems he‟s still interested in me in that way. I knew there are some people with that kind of sexual



preference but I never thought I‟d get involved with one of them.

* * * * *

[Door opens to the employee‘s lounge]

Hasebe: Otsukare…sama…desu.

Yomura: Ah, yes. Same to you.

[Pours tea for them]

Yomura: Here you go. You drink tea, don‘t you?

Hasebe: Ah. I‘m sorry for the trouble. Thank you very much.

His voice is low and sullen. Maybe I misunderstood what I had heard yesterday.

Hasebe: (I‘m so happy. Yomura-san made tea for me.)

So I didn‟t misunderstand.

Yomura: Hasebe-kun, right? Thank you for yesterday, that is…for helping me. Is your leg alright?

Hasebe: It‘s fine. How did you know that I twisted my ankle? It seems you‘re very perceptive.

You‘ve given me medicine before too.

Yomura: Medicine?

Hasebe: When I was suffering from a headache, you brought me some medicine.

I‟d forgotten. Now that he mentions it, something like that did happen. As I recall, soon after I started

working here, I heard the heart of someone in pain, so I gave him some medicine. But can it be that he

fell in love with me just because of that?

Hasebe: Does my face show that much?



Yomura: N-no. That‘s… I‘ve always been good at noticing those who might be ill. Maybe it‘s

because my mother was a nurse.

Hasebe: So that‘s how it is.

He looks morose but he‟s earnest. He‟s happy with a cup of tea. Maybe his feelings toward me are platonic.

Hasebe: [Empties his cup] Oh no. (It was the tea Yomura-san made for me…)

Yomura: Would you like another cup?

Hasebe: Y-yes please. Thank you.

I think “I should avoid getting involved with him as much as possible … ” but hearing his happy voice

makes me think it wasn‟t that bad.

A few days later, Hasebe and I have a longer conversation. I‟d been thinking that I shouldn‟t have let

him be so interested in me more but I don‟t feel bad with talking with him.

Yomura: You work hard. You should have lunch earlier. Your lunch box won‘t be as tasty.

Hasebe: You‘re right.

Yomura: Hasebe-kun, um… you don‘t have to listen to me that much! Maybe I‘m just envious

because I don‘t have someone who makes me lunch.

Hasebe: Envious? Should I ask my sister to make yours too?

Yomura: [Chuckles] Eh? I told you. You don‘t have to bother.

Hasebe: (Yomura-san‘s smiling face… I like it.)

“Oh no” I thought. But I didn‟t think it was uncomfortable. Knowing Hasebe‟s feeling makes me feel

guilty but… exchanging pleasantries with such a serious person calms my heart.



..::Track 3::..

[Train moving. Yomura enters a room coughing]

Yomura: It‘s no good. I should get some rest before going home. I must‘ve caught a cold

during the New Year sale …

[Door opens]

Hasebe: Yomura-san! You really are still here. What‘s the matter? Almost everyone else has

gone home.

Yomura: Ah…

Hasebe: Are you feeling ill?

Yomura: I do feel a little sick. How come you‘re still here?

Hasebe: I‘m sorry. I looked at your time card without your permission. I thought it was weird

that I didn‘t see you anywhere, yet your timecard hasn‘t been punched out. And you‘ve been

coughing awfully these days.

He was worried and came looking for me?

Hasebe: Can you stand? It‘s almost time for the managers to go home. We have to leave too.

Yomura: Oh…yes. [Stands]

Yomura: (Huh? I feel… dizzy.) [He faints]

Hasebe: Yomura-san!!

* * * * *

[Ambulance sounds]

Hasebe: They are taking too long! It‘s been quite a while since we registered but it doesn‘t

seem they‘re going to call us anytime soon. Should I go and check?



Yomura: No, it‘s fine. Maybe there‘s someone who‘s in a worse condition than me. I‘m feeling

better now.

Hasebe: (Yomura-san is so serious about work. Maybe he‘s working too hard. I know he was

outside for long periods of time handing out flyers on Christmas Eve.)

Yomura: That‘s not true. I‘m not as serious as you are.

Hasebe: Eh?

Yomura: I-it‘s nothing.

Oh no. I responded without thinking. I should have looked at his lips.

[Yomura groans in pain]

Hasebe: Shouldn‘t we contact someone? Your family members?

Yomura: We don‘t live together. There‘s no need to contact them because of a cold anyway.

[Continues to cough and wheeze]

I haven‟t seen my mother for a long time. Our strained relationship was the result of my parents‟

divorce when I was in elementary school. My mother was said to have wanted to get custody of me, but

one day I overheard her saying to someone: “I‟m his mother so I couldn‟t say I don‟t want him”. Since

then, even if she smiled at me, I doubted her intentions. That time, I prayed countless times that I would

be able to hear people‟s hearts.

Yomura: Hasebe-kun. I‘m sorry that you have to accompany me like this.

Hasebe: I‘m just returning the favour … because I received medicine from you. That time, I

was really happy that you noticed. Someone concerned about you is indeed something to be

happy about, isn‘t it?

Yomura: You‘re right. Your presence is reassuring.

Hasebe: I‘m just repaying your kindness. And I‘m glad I could help you.



Yomura: Thank you. But it‘s already late. Oh, that‘s right, do you like drinking sake? I have a

lot of unopened bottles at home. Will you take one?

Hasebe: I drink but … not alone. If I were to accept one then would you drink with me? (Was

I weird? Maybe he‘s fed up with me… I want him to answer immediately. I want to know his

answer. But…If he‘s going to refuse then I‘d rather not hear it. What is he going to say?)

I can sense Hasebe‟s anxiety in his words and voice. It is just an invitation to drink. But an invitation I

should refuse. The more I know how serious he is, the more I need to turn him down. However…

Yomura: Okay.

Hasebe: (Ah!? I‘m so happy!)

Nurse: Yomura-san? Yomura Kazuaki-san?

Yomura: [Stands] Yes.

My hand touched Hasebe‟s fingertips when I stood. His hand felt strong, and when he turned to me, his

face was flushed red. And I felt warmth where our fingers touched…

..::Track 4::..

Hasebe: Here it is.

At the end of January, I was invited to Hasebe‟s place.

[Door opens and closes]

Kana: Welcome home! Please, come in. Thank you for always taking care of my brother. I‘m

his younger sister, Kana.

Yomura: I‘m Yomura. Ojyamashimasu3.

3 Phrase used when entering someone else‟s home. Literally: “Please excuse the intrusion.”



[Walks in and settles]

The story I heard from his sister surprised me. Their parents died in a traffic accident when Hasebe was

in his first year of high school, so only the two of them live in this house.

Kana: It‘s been a while since my brother had someone over. Our parents left us the house but

they didn‘t have much in terms of savings, so my brother got a job right after he graduated

from high school and kept me in school-

Hasebe: Kana. Don‘t say needless things.

Kana: What? It‘s the truth. There‘s nothing wrong with talking about it. My brother doesn‘t

know how to relax. He‘s been spending most of his time at work.

Hasebe: Kana. Don‘t tell boring stories.

Kana: Hehe. He‘s embarrassed.

Yomura: It seems like it.

Her innocent face contrasts with that of her brother‟s, who always wears a sulky expression.

Kana: Yomura-san. Please take it easy here, okay? Now that I know my brother has a close

friend, I can relax. Really, I‘ve been worried about what would become of him if I weren‘t

here! I couldn‘t stop worrying.

Yomura: You‘re moving out?

Kana: Something like that. Well … I take my leave now. Have fun. [Leaves the room]

Yomura: [Takes a drink] I guess she‘s getting married?

Hasebe: It seems like it.

Yomura: She‘s still young. You wouldn‘t want to hand over your precious sister to a total

stranger, would you?

Hasebe: It‘s best if she could be happy with someone she loves.



Yomura: How about you? You‘re not going to marry?

Hasebe: No. I don‘t even have a partner.

Yomura: I can‘t even imagine what your type would–…Ah, no. Never mind.

Hasebe: I don‘t know what my type is either. My parents suddenly passed away and I just worked

and worked after that. I didn‘t have time for romance. You‘re still single too, aren‘t you?

Yomura: Yes. I guess I have no luck.

Hasebe: Is … that so…? I think I‘d probably like someone kind. Uh…um… How about

another glass? Do you like it not too strong? [Pours a drink]

Hasebe: (Yomura-san is here in our house. I‘m happy. It‘s like a dream. He‘s beside me…)

His voice is naïve, and his words, embarrassingly direct; Hasebe‟s voice echoes deeply in my head. That

voice intoxicates me.

* * * * *

[Hasebe‘s footsteps. Yomura stirs; apparently he has fallen asleep]

Yomura: (Right. I‘m at his house tonight. He did say I could stay the night… I thought I could

go home but I ended up falling asleep. Oh, no.)

Hasebe: (Yomura-san)

Yomura: Hasebe-kun!

Hasebe: (I want to touch you)

Yomura: Um … I‘m sorry. I fell asleep. Um, what time is it now? I-I‘ve got to go home.

Hasebe: The last train has already left. Please feel free and stay here for tonight. (I want to

touch you. I want to kiss you).

Yomura: But that‘s… I shouldn‘t stay when it‘s only my first time visiting.

Hasebe: You think too much. If you can move, I will prepare the spare futon now. (I want to



touch him. I want to kiss him. I want to make love with him.)

Hasebe: Yomura-san? What shall I do?

[Reaches out but Yomura blindly slaps his hand away]

Yomura: A-ah, I‘m sorry! Um, I‘m still sleepy and you suddenly touched me. I was just surprised…

Hasebe: …No. It‘s okay. I‘ll go and prepare the futon now.

Yomura: Hasebe-kun?

I‟ve hurt him…

[He reaches out and hugs Hasebe]

When Hasebe tried to stand, I touched his back and unconsciously put my arms around him. I was just

hoping to heal his hurt. It was unnatural, we‟re both adult men. And above that, it was weird that I

knew he was hurt. But at that time, I failed to think about such things…

Hasebe: Yomura…san? What‘s– [Kiss]

Hasebe: … Yomura-san… [Kiss]

It was strange; the idea of refusing him didn‟t even occur to me. I closed my eyes. I couldn‟t see Hasebe‟s

intense gaze from under my eyelids but I could feel him through his lips and the voice in his heart.

Hasebe: (Yomura-san. I love you. I love you.)





..::Track 5::..

Hasebe (to an old lady): Ah, is that so… well, at the next intersection….

Yomura: (He is showing the direction to an old lady, huh… that‘s the serious Hasebe I know.)

Hasebe (to an old lady): After that you will see the station. Take care.

Last night, Hasebe and I kissed. Those kisses were just light, repeated ones but after our lips parted, we

needed to come up for air. I wondered if I was interested in someone of the same gender. But no matter

how much I thought about it, that didn‟t seem to be so. It was a mistake we made while we were drunk.

Yomura: Otsukare sama desu. That was nice of you.

Hasebe: It‘s part of my job.

Yomura: Hasebe-kun. I‘m sorry … for doing weird things yesterday. I tend to lose it when I‘m

drunk. What about you? Is it the same for you?

Hasebe: (No.) … Yes. I‘m sorry I surprised you.

Yomura: !?

As far as I know, it was the first time Hasebe had lied to me. If it weren‟t for his heart‟s voice, I would

never have noticed that anything was off, and we would have continued being good friends. No … We

can still be good friends. I have to be more careful about hearing his thoughts. If I do that, then…

Yomura: Hasebe-kun, if you don‘t mind, let‘s drink together again. How about we go for a

drink outside this time? It‘s better outside.

* * * * *

[A train. Restaurant sounds; Yomura drinks]

Hasebe: Yomura-san. Did something good happen?

Yomura: Huh? Ah, yes. I guess I‘m happy because I‘m drinking with you.



Hasebe: Is that so? Then, that‘s good to know. Oh, the sashimi soy sauce is that one over there.

[Reaches over and Yomura slaps his hand away]

Yomura: S-sorry! My mistake. I was surprised…

Without concentrating, I can‟t stop hearing people‟s thoughts. In order not to hear Hasebe‟s thoughts, I

need to concentrate. It‟s because of this that I‟m so uptight.

Kodera: [Comes over] Huh? Can it be you, Yomura?

Yomura: Ah…

Kodera: Hey! I knew it! Long time no see!

A co-worker from my previous company, Kodera Kenji.

Kodera: I never thought I‘d see you in a place like this!

He was supposed to be my friend. But the voice that reached my ears said “if this guy weren‟t here, there

wouldn‟t be anyone underestimating me”. That was how Kodera truly thought of me. I was shocked

and quit the company soon after.

Yomura: Ah-h, Kodera. It‘s been a long time. On your way home from work?

Kodera: So where are you working now? Still at a software company, am I right? You should

be working at a big company–

Yomura: I‘m a contract employee. I‘ve been working at a home appliance store for half a year .

Kodera: Appliance store? What‘s wrong? Hey hey… you‘re selling computers? You worth more

than that! What happened? You suddenly left without telling anything. I was worried about you.

Maybe Kodera didn‟t mean to offend. Though he was the reason I quit, I don‟t feel like blaming him. We

were used to being compared against one another because we entered the company in the same year.

Come to think of it, we drank together a lot even after working overtime.



Kodera: Yomura. I missed you a lot at work. (Really, it‘s good that you quit. A contract

employee at an appliance store? That‘s so funny.) We should go have a drink again like before!

We used to have fun every night after work, right?

Yomura: Ah-h…

* * * * *

[Yomura and Hasebe walk together]

Hasebe: Yomura-san, why did you quit your previous job? It seems like a really good company…

Yomura: I liked the job but it wasn‘t a great company or anything.

Hasebe: You seemed to get along well with that person… like good friends-

Yomura: We‘re not friends! He is not a friend. ‗Get along well with him‘? How do you know

that? What do you know just from appearances? Unless you can read or see their thoughts,

you can never know people‘s true feelings… Ah! Uh, no… I‘m sorry. I guess I‘m a little drunk.

I‘ll get some rest and cool my head. You should go home first.

Hasebe: In that case, I‘ll keep you company. There‘s a park just a bit from here.

[They sit on a park bench]

Yomura: I‘m sorry for saying weird things.

Hasebe: If we could read people‘s thoughts, it would be really great. I have a person in mind

whose thoughts I want to read. How nice it would be if I would be able to know what that

person‘s thinking. You and that person from before seemed like friends to me. Though,

Yomura-san, you said you‘re not good at making friends…

Yomura: That was just him holding the floor.

Hasebe: Am I…dense? Sometimes, I can‘t understand what you‘re thinking. Can it be that you

want to avoid me? If that‘s the case, then please say it.



Yomura: !?

Hasebe: When you got drunk at my place … I kissed … I did something weird to you … so I

thought you‘re resenting me. But here you are inviting me for a drink again, like you did

before. It‘s really strange sometimes. The more I think about it, the more confused I get. Did I

do something else you don‘t like?

Yomura: You‘re thinking too much. I told you, I‘m not myself when I‘m drunk. It‘s not like

I‘m avoiding you.

Yomura: Let‘s go home. If we stay here longer, you‘ll catch a cold. [Starts to walk but is

pulled back] Uh, wai- … um, Hasebe-kun … Won‘t you let go of my arm…?

Hasebe: I‘m sorry. (I love you.) Yomura-san, I‘m sorry. (I love you) … I love you. I‘m in love

with you, Yomura-san.

Yomura: Huh…

Hasebe: Do you hear my voice?

Yomura: …

Hasebe: You don‘t seem surprised. Can it be…you already found out? I really can‘t hide

anything from you… I‘m sorry for suddenly holding onto you [lets go of Yomura] … I guess

we can‘t go out to eat together anymore.

Yomura: Eh?

Hasebe: I figured it out. I can‘t just be friends with the person I love. Getting upset over the

smallest of things… I think I‘m probably jealous. We‘re both men … it‘s absurd, isn‘t it? I‘m

sorry. I knew I shouldn‘t have told you. I knew I would only give you a hard time… Please

don‘t mind me. Things will be back to normal tomorrow. [Walks away]

Yomura: Um… Hasebe-kun.

Hasebe: If you stop me now, I‘ll misunderstand. I‘m dense, so…I‘ll believe that…you love me too.



* * * * *

[Train. Door opens and shuts]

Yomura: Don‘t hesitate. Come on in.

Hasebe: Oh … okay. Ojyamashimasu.

Yomura: You can have a seat wherever you want.

Hasebe: (Why did he stop me? Why did he invite me to his house? What does he think of me?)

Why indeed? Hasebe is a good sport. Tomorrow, he‟ll act as if nothing happened, just like he said. I‟m

sure he would and I don‟t want him to do that. That‟s why I stopped him.

Yomura: L-let‘s talk.

Hasebe: Talk? … Yomura-san, are you gay?

Yomura: I don‘t think so. How about you? Are you?

Hasebe: I don‘t know. You are the only person I‘ve ever loved. If being in love with one man is

an indication, then I think I am gay. I‘m sorry. When we kissed…I wasn‘t drunk, that was a lie.

Yomura: Hasebe-kun–

Hasebe: While I was watching your sleeping face, I started feeling weird. Then you slapped

my hand. I thought ―Ah, this is what I get for thinking dirty thoughts‖. Then you embraced

me. I couldn‘t understand what was happening. The next thing I knew, I was kissing you.

Later, you told me about your drinking habit, so I thought I‘d go with the flow–No, that‘s not

it … I think I was relieved. I‘m sorry. I lied to you.

Hasebe didn‟t lie. I tried to make it as if there was nothing between us and I made him say that.

Hasebe: I knew it, you aren‘t surprised at all … I wonder why you seem to know everything

… I want to kiss you. I want to touch you. I won‘t lie to you anymore … so may I … ?



[Kiss]

He was an honest man. The more I tried to know his real feelings, the more I realize how honest he is,

and the more attracted to him I become.

Yomura: Hasebe-kun …

Hasebe: (I want to touch it, Yomura-san‘s body…) Yomura-san. (I want to touch you)

Yomura-san … can‘t I?

Yomura: … no …

Hasebe: (They‘re small but they‘re his nipples indeed.)

[Licking]

Yomura: [Moans] No… I can‘t…

Hasebe: Ah! I‘m sorry. I got carried away … Did it hurt?

Yomura: That‘s not it … but…

[Kissing]

Hasebe: Yomura-san. Yours…is hot. Are you feeling it?

Yomura: No. This is… Hasebe-kun! Please, turn off the lights–

Hasebe: Please let me see your face.

Yomura: [Moans]

Hasebe: Yomura-san, does it feel good?

I feel like I‟m melting. I can hear wet sounds coming from the lower body half of my body. My shirt

works up with every time movement I make. His gaze down is hot.





Hasebe: (Yomura-san… Making a face like that…)

Yomura: That‘s… because it feels good…

Hasebe: Eh? … It feels good?

Yomura: Aaah …

Hasebe: Is it here?

Yomura: Touch me… here… [moans]

Hasebe: [is awed]

Yomura: …already…

Hasebe: (He wants to come. Yomura-san. Yomura-san… He‘s so cute.)

Yomura: Don‘t say that … please….

Hasebe: What? (How cute…)

Yomura: That. Don‘t say tha–…. [moans] … Hasebe-kun. You too.

[Kissing]

Hasebe: I love you. I love you. Yomura-san, I love you. (What about you, Yomura-san?)

I didn‟t know how to answer. I don‟t dislike him. I might even like him. But this feeling was only

possible because I knew he was in love with me.

..::Track 6::..

[Morning: birds chirping. Door opens]

Hasebe: Ah. Yomura-san. Good morning.

Yomura: Good morning. You‘re early.

A week ago, I had sex with this man. It was just touching and making each other feel good, but as

intimate as real sex, and it was still something that could no longer be foregone. I thought I wouldn‟t be

able to look at his face anymore but that didn‟t happen. Actually, I‟m happy when we‟re talking like this.



Hasebe: Oh, I just remembered. My sister said she‘ll come to see computers today. Yomura-san.

If you don‘t have too much in your hands, will you assist her?

Yomura: Of course. Even if I did, I would still assist her.

Hasebe: And… can we eat out sometime this week? My sister recommended to me a nice

restaurant. How about Wednesday or Thursday?

Yomura: That‘ll be nice. I‘m looking forward to it.

* * * * *

Yomura: Then, is this model okay?

Kana: Yes, please.

Yomura: Oh, right. Shall I call your brother?

Kana: No. That‘s all right. I see him every day …Yomura-san, thank you very much for your help.

Yomura: Huh? Ah, this is my job. You don‘t need to thank me.

Kana: I‘m not talking about the computer but about my brother. Ever since he became friends

with you, he‘s more cheerful. The other day, he was even humming!

Yomura: Humming?

Kana: Yes! While he was putting on his necktie this morning! It was the first time I‘ve heard him

hum anything! I was very surprised. It was the day after you two drank really late into the night.

Man (Kawayama): Kana? Are you done?

Kana: Yeah. Oh, Yomura-san. This is Kawayama-san.

Yomura: I‘m Yomura.

Kawayama: Hello. Anyway, Kana, is it really alright to buy a computer? (Make sure you have it

prepared by next week!)

Yomura: Eh?

Kana: It‘s all right. I‘ll get an inexpensive one. You know, I can still save.



Kawayama: Is that so? Then, it‘s all right, I suppose. (Thank goodness. If the money can‘t

make it, then none of what I‘m doing has any meaning.)

I was sure I heard something about money. I wondered what was happening next week… Was it for

their wedding ceremony or for reservations? Or perhaps, shopping? Whatever it was, relying on her

money was not a very nice thing to do.

* * * * *

[Restaurant sounds]

Two days later, Hasebe told me that Kana-chan and her boyfriend, Kawamura, were eating out together

that evening. I wanted to figure out what he was really thinking, so I stalked them. After they entered

the restaurant, I waited a bit and then got a table next to theirs. There was a bamboo curtain between us,

so I didn‟t have to worry about being found out.

Kana: … But your mother suddenly collapsing and needing an operation when you‘re away

from home … she must be feeling so anxious …

Kawayama: Yeah… But at least I was able to send her some money. Thank you, you‘ve been a

big help. (Ah, thank goodness I could get money before Yukimi comes back next week. I would

be in trouble if I wasn‘t able to pay the debt.)

I hear a soft sound, the sound of an envelope. He got an envelope from her? A big envelope, I think it

probably contains a large amount of money…

Kana: Ryo-kun. You don‘t have to return the money to me right away.

Kawayama: Ah…sorry. (Now…I should fade-out? Or just disappear?) But I‘ll try to give it

back as soon as possible.

Kana: Don‘t worry about it. Your mother will soon be my mother too, right?

Kawayama: You‘re right. (I can never marry you and I have no plans of letting you meet her.



She‘s in perfect health in the first place.) Yeah…once she recovers, I‘ll introduce you. (How can

that damn noisy old woman ever collapse?)

This is clearly a fraud. I have to tell Hasebe as soon as possible. There has to be some way to prove it.

Kawayama: Hey, Kana. Do you want to stay the night at my place?

Kana: I can‘t do that…

Kawayama: We haven‘t met in a while. I want to stay with you a bit longer, okay? Come to my place.

There‟s only one reason why a man would want his lover to spend the night at his place… I have no

time to contact and convince Hasebe to come, and then wait till he found evidence.

Waitress: Thank you for coming

Kana: Thank you.

Yomura: Kawayama-kun. I have something to talk to you.

Kana: Yomura-san!?

Kawayama: Something to talk about? Ah, aren‘t you the guy from the appliance store?

Yomura: Please return the money to her. Also, I want you to tell the truth. You lied so you can

get the money from her, didn‘t you? What you are doing is a crime.

Kawayama: (That‘s impossible! … He knows?! He knows I just got money from her?!)

Yomura: That‘s right. I know. I am talking about the money.

Kawayama: (He knows… how much does he know?! He can‘t know about Yukimi, can he?)

Kana: Wait. I don‘t know how you get that idea but that money is for his mother‘s operation.

This is something I did on my own to help him.

Yomura: Why don‘t you see? This is exactly a fraud. What he is doing is a marriage fraud.

Kawayama: Hey, wait! I‘m not deceiving her. (I‘d return it if I could, but I need this money to



hide my debt from Yukimi.)

Yomura: Who‘s Yukimi?

Kawayama: !?

Yomura: I see. She‘s your wife, isn‘t she? You have a wife and a son.

[Kana slaps Yomura]

Kana: Don‘t say that! You can‘t just say whatever you want!!

* * * * *

[Sips tea]

Hasebe: Please let me hear your reason. Why did you say those things to Kana?

Yomura: I‘m sorry. I didn‘t mean to hurt her like that. I‘m really sorry.

[Kana cries in the background]

Hasebe: I‘m not asking you to apologize. I just want to know why you said what you said.

Yomura: Because it‘s the truth. He has a wife and a child. He needs money to wipe off his debt

without letting his wife know. His mother doesn‘t need an operation. And … he has no

intention to marry Kana-chan either.

Hasebe: If you‘re saying that that‘s the truth … how did you know?

Yomura: That‘s…

Hasebe will believe me. I get the feeling that he‟ll accept it. An honest person like him won‟t be afraid of

my strange ability.

Yomura: I heard it.

Hasebe: From whom?



Yomura: From the guy himself. I heard it from the voice in his heart. That‘s why I knew he

was lying right away and found out the truth.

Hasebe: Eh? (What is he talking about? How can I believe that? Even if it‘s Yomura-san

saying this….)

Yomura: How can I believe that? Even if it‘s me saying this…

Hasebe: (What was that now? Was that a coincidence? I didn‘t say a word … but he answered…)

Yomura: It‘s not a coincidence. I told you, didn‘t I? I can hear. Even if people don‘t talk, I can

hear what they think.

Hasebe: (It‘s impossible. Am I being fooled?)

Yomura: It‘s impossible. Am I being fooled?

Hasebe: (What? What in the world is happening? But…This is…) I think you knew how I

would react if you told me this story.

Yomura: Yeah… The doctor I used to consult with told me the same thing. Did you know? It‘s

called Cold Reading. Magicians and charlatans use this trick….

Hasebe: I‘m not saying it‘s a trick… I … (Maybe it‘s just you believe you can hear…)

Yomura: You‘re really kind. You didn‘t think I could be lying. Then, Hasebe-kun, why don‘t

you think up a story that I can never imagine? In your heart.

In the end, no matter how hard I tried to prove it, Hasebe didn‟t believe me. Not only did he not believe

me, he also started to avoid me. Though I wanted to know how Kana-chan was doing, I didn‟t have the

courage to ask him about her. With that, a week passed by.

* * * * *

[Door opens]

Hasebe: Yomura-san. It was true, what you said. I called his company and they said he‘s not

single. Then, they started to be suspicious of me, so I couldn‘t learn anything more than that.



But that night, he came to return the money.

Yomura: Eh? That soon?

Hasebe: He gave the money back and said he wanted me to stop probing into the matter any

further. He seemed anxious because I made the phone call. I told him I should beat him up in

exchange for stopping the inquiry … and to leave her alone.

Yomura: How‘s Kana-chan?

Hasebe: She is saying there‘s nothing else to do but to think that it‘s for the best that the truth

has been found out.

Yomura: I see… Once things have settled down, let me see her to apologize.

Hasebe: Please don‘t mind it. You‘re not the one at fault. We‘re grateful, because it was the

truth. Yomura-san ... I believe what you said.

Yomura: Eh?

Hasebe: It‘s true that you can hear thoughts, isn‘t it? If I believe it then I understand why you

were able to tell that Kana‘s been cheated. Besides, I don‘t think you would lie. Since when

have you been able to hear?

Yomura: Three years ago. It‘s really an unbelievable story, but on that Christmas morning, I

was suddenly able to hear things…

Hasebe: Three years ago… I see… So then you knew about me. From the beginning, you

knew that I had feelings for you, didn‘t you?

Yomura: Yes, I knew. Last Christmas Eve, when you helped me, I heard your heart. You called

my name over and over and you thought of me specially.

Hasebe: Christmas…that was the night I got close to you, wasn‘t it? … And you had already

known everything? Maybe even in what way I liked you.

Yomura: B-but, I‘ve been trying not to hear people‘s thoughts.



Hasebe: Can you do that? You said you can hear those thoughts as if people are actually speaking.

Yomura: I can. It‘s actually harder not to hear than to hear. But if I consciously put my

attention on something else, I can. When I‘m surprised or disturbed, that‘s when it doesn‘t work.

Hasebe: So that‘s… how it is.

Yomura: I‘m not hearing your heart at this moment.

Hasebe: We should go home. I‘m sorry that I stopped you.

Yomura: Um… if it‘s okay, let‘s go eat out.

Hasebe: …yeah… Tonig-…ah no…Let‘s go eat sometime later. I want to thank you for my

sister, so I‘ll treat you.

I wonder why… he intended to say „tonight,‟ but he changed it to sometime later.

* * * * *

[Traffic sounds]

It didn‟t take long for me to realize that Hasebe was avoiding me. But one morning, he sent me a text

message.

[Ring tone]

Yomura: From Hasebe-kun?

Hasebe: ―What are you doing now? I‘m watching TV.‖

He once told me that he didn‟t really like text messages. How ironic. Text messages…he said that he

didn‟t like them because he couldn‟t express his feelings through them. And now, it‟s what he has chosen.

I can‟t hear his thoughts through these messages. But I want to believe that his sending messages to me

means … he still likes me.

Yomura: I want to see you. I want to see you and talk to you.…. I love you.



If I send that, I think he‟ll stop sending messages to me. Even if I understand my feelings now, it‟s too

late. He told me so many times that he loved me, with his heart, and with his words. That night, I

should‟ve told him how I felt as well. If we‟d become lovers, a serious guy like Hasebe wouldn‟t be able

to keep himself away from me this easily.

Yomura: I‘m such an idiot. I feel so empty.

There is no meaning in binding someone with a promise. People are free to think in their hearts. I know

it better than anyone. That night when we touched each other, Hasebe told me he would never lie to me.

Even without him saying it, I know he is an honest person. I thought that an honest person like him

would accept my ability. Now I wish that I‟d never told him about it. There are things that people are

better off not knowing. I believe that the world is filled with such things.

..::Track 7::..

[Sipping tea]

Yomura: Running into you like this, what a coincidence. You look well. I‘m a little relieved.

Kana: It‘s been almost two month already. I can‘t cry forever. I‘m really thankful for what you

did that time. And…I am sorry that I slapped you.

Yomura: You don‘t have to be sorry. It‘s always bothered me that I couldn‘t apologize to you

for causing you pain. I want you to be happy. I may sound too ordinary when I say this, but

you‘ll definitely meet a good man.

Kana: You‘re right. It‘s my duty to be happy for my brother who has always taken care of me.

Oh that‘s right, I‘m shopping for his birthday present today. He‘s not interested in a lot of

things, so it‘s always hard to decide what to give him every year.

Yomura: Hasebe-kun? His birthday‘s coming?

Kana: You didn‘t know? It‘s on the fifth of May, Children‘s Day…easy to remember, isn‘t it?

That‘s right, if you don‘t mind, can you celebrate his birthday too? He seems pretty down lately…



Yomura: He does? Well, even if I try to cheer him, he… never mind. You‘re right. It‘s a special

occasion, so I‘ll give him something he‘d like.

Although he mightn‟t want eat together and spend hours with me, it might not be a bother to him if I

just give him a present and then leave.

* * * * *

Hasebe: What is it? The thing you wanted to give me…

The night of his birthday, I stopped him on his way home from work. It started to rain, so we made a

stop at a nearby bar.

Yomura: Today‘s…your birthday, isn‘t it?

Hasebe: Eh? … I thought you didn‘t know.

Yomura: It‘s not much but … if it‘s ok, I want you to have this.

Hasebe: I‘m sorry for the bother.

[Hasebe opens it, and is awed]

Yomura: What‘s the matter?

Hasebe: This is…the soundtrack of the movie…

Yomura: I‘m sorry. I guess you don‘t like it.

Hasebe: Oh, no, I do! I wanted this CD. Even though I saw the movie a long time ago, I

remember that the music was really nice. Thank you very much.

Waiter: Thank you for waiting.

[Puts down their order]

Yomura: For such a special occasion, let‘s toast. Hasebe-kun, Happy birth—



[Glass breaks.]

Waiter: Please excuse me.

Yomura: Uh…sorry. Cheers.

Hasebe: Ah…yes. (Why does he know? … what I liked? He even knew the title of the movie.

Did he read my mind?)

Yomura: That‘s not true! Uh…oh…

Hasebe: (He just read me now!)

Yomura: No…

Hasebe: Yomura-san? (Ah…He really can hear.)

Yomura: No! No! I didn‘t hear! I…don‘t know anything!! [Cries]… I‘m going home.

Hasebe: Please wait a minute!

I tried not to hear Hasebe‟s thoughts but after that moment when the glass broke, I accidentally heard them.

[Rain. Train passes by. Yomura runs]

Hasebe: Yomura-san. I‘m sorry for doubting you. I was wrong. I apologize.

Yomura: Apologize? There‘s no need for that. I knew your feelings. I did exactly what you

suspected. I‘m the one who should apologize.

Hasebe: Please wait… over there… Let‘s go underneath that elevated rail track there.

[Walking]

Yomura: I know you‘re confused as how to deal with me. I‘ve also noticed that you‘ve been

avoiding me.

Hasebe: Yomura-san. When we were at the park, you told me you are able to stop yourself

from hearing. At that time, I couldn‘t help but doubt you. Then I thought you might be hurt if



you knew that I was doubting you … When I‘m with you, I always feel anxious like that, and I

don‘t know what I should do. Even a small thing about you makes me doubt you or hate myself.

Yomura: It‘s fine that way. I‘m actually not a hundred percent sure I can stop hearing you

completely… and that‘s what I just discovered.

I want this to end already. I‟m really tired.

Yomura: You don‘t know, do you? How it feels when a person can hear others‘ thoughts? I…

don‘t want to know anyone‘s thoughts. Even what‘s in your mind right now…to know it…not

even once have I ever thought that I wanted to know.

I don‟t want to know. I never want to know how his heart was growing away from me. It isn‟t for

Hasebe‟s sake that I try not to hear…it‟s for my own. I want to go somewhere far away… I want to go

somewhere where Hasebe isn‟t; even better if it‟s a place where there‟s no one else at all. I‟m already so

sick of hearing people‟s hearts…

..::Track 8::..

Boss: What? You don‘t have to quit now, do you? Two more months, or at least, one more.

Why don‘t you think about it some more? I am saying this for your sake! (Give me a break. He

wants to quit just when we‘re finally seeing an upturn in computer sales and are almost

reaching the highest sales figures in this area. It‘ll be a problem if this guy quits now.)

I‟m already so sick of this life…hearing minds…

Yomura: Please excuse me. There might be a lot of customers waiting.

Boss: Oh… um… Okay. (Can‘t be helped. Well, maybe it‘s something he doesn‘t want to talk

about. Ah, damn. I lose my temper so easily and can only think about myself. It‘s really a bad



habit of mine.)

Yomura: Eh?

It surprised me to hear him reprove himself. …I was the one who always thought only about myself.

Boss: Hm? What is it, Yomura?

Yomura: Nothing… I will think about staying longer.

[Door opens. Yomura walks out. Hasebe runs over.]

Hasebe: Yomura-san! Yomura-san. I heard you might quit your job. Is that true?

Yomura: That‘s what I‘m planning. I‘m thinking of quitting.

Hasebe: Because of me?

Yomura: You? Please stop it. I am not quitting just because we‘re not in good terms. You don‘t

have to feel responsible.

Hasebe: Then, why are you running away?

Yomura: I‘m not running. I thought about my future and that‘s what I decided. Please excuse me.

Otsukaresama.

* * * * *

[Train station announcement: The train is leaving.]

It‟s exactly as Hasebe said; I‟m planning to run away. It‟s just like three years ago when I left that

company. I‟m trying to run from this world that was overflowing with people. I want to lock myself up

in a room where I could be alone. Always going back to society and then running away from it again; do

I have to keep running forever? What a terrible life.

Yomura: Huh?

That man looking at his cell phone on the other platform…Can it be…Hasebe? Oh he noticed I‟m here.



[Text message received]

Yomura: [Reading text message] ―Thank you for the present yesterday. And, I apologize––‖

Hasebe: ―––I apologize. That‘s what I wanted to say. When I got home, I heard from my sister

about the birthday gift. She didn‘t tell me that she met you because she wanted to surprise me.

I‘m sorry for misunderstanding. I‘m really sorry. Even if I apologize, it‘s not enough.‖

Yomura: ―I don‘t mind it anymore. So you should forget about it too.‖

Hasebe: ―If you don‘t mind it anymore then why are you avoiding me?‖

Yomura: ―I‘m not avoiding you. You‘re the one who started avoiding me in the first place.‖

Hasebe: ―I apologize for that. Can you forgive me?‖

Yomura: ―Forgiving you or not, that‘s beside the point. After all, I‘m a monster with a strange ability.‖

Hasebe: ―You‘re angry, aren‘t you?‖

Yomura: ―I‘m not angry.‖

Hasebe: ―Please forgive me. I‘ll come over.‖

Yomura: ―Please drop the matter already.‖

Hasebe: ―I‘ll be there.‖

Yomura: ―You don‘t need to. If you come, I‘ll hear into your heart and then read everything aloud.‖

[Sighs]

This is like I‟m threatening him. No reply, huh? It‟s over.

[Train station announcement: The train is leaving. The doors are closing. Please be careful.]

After the train left, Hasebe had already disappeared from the other platform. Though I was the one who

pushed him away, I regret what I had done. I am alone. I feel like I am the only one left. I wish everyone

in the world is able to read others‟ thoughts. Why do I have to be different? Is it because I made a wish

to be able to hear others‟ thoughts so that I could know how my mother thought of me? Was my prayer



heard and answered? If that‟s the case then please, God, once more, grant my wish. [Sobs] I don‟t

want to hear anyone‟s thoughts anymore! Please, please don‟t make me hear anymore, God! Once more,

please grant my wish! Just once more!

[Hasebe runs to him.]

Hasebe (speaks in his mind): (Yomura-san. You can hear me, can‘t you? Yesterday, you said that

I don‘t know how it feels to know others‘ thoughts but … I don‘t think you know better

yourself … you have no idea how it feels to be heard. It would be easier if I hated you. Then, I

wouldn‘t be so scared of what you can hear from my heart. But I don‘t hate you. I don‘t hate

you! I‘m scared because I don‘t want you to know my negative feelings.)

[Yomura gasps]

Yomura: Hasebe-kun?

Hasebe: I thought … you were going to read everything aloud.

Yomura: When I noticed you had feelings for me, I was so happy. But you‘re a man, so I

became confused… but it still makes me happy that I was wanted.

Hasebe: If you hadn‘t been able to hear my heart, you wouldn‘t have taken an interest in me,

would you?

Yomura: You‘re right. Maybe…because you liked me, I took an interest in you. If I hadn‘t known

how you felt about me, I wouldn‘t have liked you. But…even after I thought you didn‘t like me

anymore, I couldn‘t stop loving you. Isn‘t this called love? Am I wrong? [sob]…I love you.

I put it into words and it turned out to be so natural. It was nothing. I really should‟ve told him sooner.





[Hasebe embraces him.]

Yomura: [Gasps]…Hasebe-kun, people are looking.

Hasebe: I don‘t mind. (I‘m afraid of you. I‘m so afraid. But…even so…I still love you.)

The heart does not have a clearly-defined shape. Be it love or even fear… they are both in Hasebe‟s heart.

The heart can be such a thing after all. I didn‟t realize it because I was so afraid of getting hurt.

Mother…at that time... was there only one feeling in my mother‟s heart? Was there nothing other than

hatred towards me? I don‟t think so anymore…

Hasebe: Yomura-san?

Yomura: I‘m a bit tired. Please lend me your shoulder.

Hasebe: … okay.

There are no stars in the night sky above us. But… it isn‟t a bad night for me. Because even if I can‟t see

them tonight, I know, beyond the thick clouds, that there are beautiful stars.

* * * * *

~ Kotonoha no Hana Disc 1 End ~

~ Continue to Disc 2 ~

Documents

[Namonai] Kotonoha No Hana Disc 1