July 2010 Issue

The LOCAL Go-To Guide for Busy Families• July 2010

FREE

GoingGreen,WithoutGuilt

Raising MoneySmart Kids

Raising MoneySmart Kids

ParentalAnger:How toDeal

ParentalAnger:How toDeal

GoingGreen,WithoutGuilt

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Stay connected and updatedon monthly giveaways, events

and discounts:Sincerely,

Tracie VollgrafEditor and Mother to Four under Four

The 4th of July was my absolute favorite holiday as a kid. It was everything great about summer…hot weather, parades, barbeques, family, friends and, of course, fireworks! Growing up in Danville, the parade has always been a hit for all ages. If you are in town, be sure to check it out. There are also numerous cities hosting fireworks this year, so grab the family and a blanket and enjoy!

Last weekend ACTIVE KIDS was proud to sponsor a Parenting Workshop with Dr. Joanne Stern, author of Parenting is a Contact Sport. Dr. Stern is an amazing speaker and offers wonderful advice on how to stay connected to your child at any age. The workshop was very hands-on allowing parents to discuss the issues they encounter each day and work through them with positive and constructive feedback from Dr. Stern. Be sure to check out our next event with Dr. Stern in the Fall! More details to follow!

As I try to keep my children busy this summer, we have already relied on the various day camps in our area. With a busier social calendar than I have, all four kids are quite active each day! Of course you can also beat the heat with the family staples, such as Super Franks, Parti Palooza and Studio Grow. Don’t forget to check out your local Danville and Dublin Bowls, too - offering inexpensive hours of entertainment your kids will love (and will keep them cool on those extra hot days!).Of course there is always the plethora of local parks to choose from! One we recently discovered is Livorna Park. My girls loved the zip line! Please be sure to check out our Park Guide in this month’s issue. Reviewed by local parents, we have included a quick overview with helpful comments!

Enjoy your July! Be sure to tune in to the ACTIVE KIDS facebook each day. With family resources posted daily, it is your local Go-To guide!

Summer Safety

Summer is just around the corner. To help keep your kids safe and

healthy, the following tips are recommended by the ValleyCare Medical Foundation Pediatricians Drs. Christi Klimisch, Anamika Sharma and Yatin Shah.

Sun SafetyFor babies and children over six months use sunscreen with SPF15 or higher and UVA/UVB protection. Apply every two hours and after swimming. Sunscreen is not recommended for babies under six months. Keep infants covered with light clothing.

Pool SafetyNever leave a child unattended in or around a pool, not even for a second. Practice “touch supervision” with young children — an adult should be within an arm’s length of the child at all times. Ensure that your pool is properly fenced and rescue equipment is nearby. Swimming lessons are helpful, but doesn’t mean your child is safe without supervision.

Bug SafetyAvoid scented soaps, lotions, hair products and bright flowery prints. For bee stings, remove the stinger by gently scraping it off horizontally with a credit card or your finger nail. Protect against mosquitoes, ticks, and other insects with clothing and repellent with 30% DEET (recommended by The American Academy of Pediatrics for children over two months).

Playground SafetyUse helmets and protective gear while riding a scooter, biking, skating and skateboarding no matter how short the ride. Use bike paths, sidewalks and skate parks. Ensure that your child drinks plenty of water and takes frequent breaks to prevent dehydration and heat stress.

To make an appointment with ValleyCare Medical Foundation Pediatrics, please call 925-416-6767.

tIPS for KIdS

www.valleycare.com

4 ACTIVE KIDS activekidsdirectory.com

CONTENTS

Front Cover Photo Credit: Paula Walsh, Paula Walsh PhotograPhy(925) 819-1199 • www.PaulawalshPhotograPhy.com

Letter from Editor........... 2

FeaturesConnecting the Generations……......…7Is Your Child a Bully?.......................11Stay in Control of Your Health...…....14Clearing the Clutter………....…………20Parks Guide……………………..…..…..21Raising Money Smart Kids…....24 & 25The Balancing Act……………....28 & 29Products We Love ……………..……….34Raising Kids Who Care……..………...35Parental Anger: How to Deal....36 & 37Going Green, Without Guilt……....…38Calendar of Events…….............40 & 41

Summer Camps/ProgramsAdventure Day Camp.................……..5Valley Cheer & Dance.........……………8Cabernet Baseball Club.................…..9Triple Threat Performing Arts.....……19Viva el Espånol..............……………..26Empower AcademicService Provider..............................30West Coast Olympic Gymnastics Academy…..................................….32Oakland Zoo.……………...................33Horizons East..................................42

Birthday PartiesValley Cheer & Dance.........……………8Cabernet Sports….............…………….9Super Franks...................................15Danville Bowl...................................16Your Stage Toys ...............................18Dublin Bowl………………......…………26Jen Lock Art Instruction…..............…………………33 Studio Grow....................................42Horizons East..................................42

Childcare & PreschoolsCultural Care Au Pair……........………13Little People Child Care….......……....31College Nannies & Tutors…......……..33TOT Drop Preschool……….......………39Nanny Connection...........................39

Day TripsOakland Zoo.....................................31

DiningEddie Papas American Hangout....…..12Chef Dan…………….......…………..…..39Blackhawk Plaza….....………………….43

HealthcareValley Care.........................................3 Amador Dental & Orthodontic...........10General Dentistry for Children...........17Adorable Baby 3D Ultrasound...........18Danville Pediatric Dentistry...............27San Ramon Regional........................44

Just for Baby/KidsRed Wagon………….....…………………..8Lillianaʼs Bows…......…………………….19Storkʼs Nest Boutique........................31

Just for MomArbonne.......................………………….9Hayjac Designs.................................10MU SALON........................................19Stella & Dot Jewelry.........................23Just a Little Something Gift Shop.…..27Storkʼs Nest Boutique........................31IM =x Pilates Studio.........................39Blackhawk plaza..............................43

Music ClassesMusic Together...................................6Musicland………………………......…….26Lynda McManus Piano Co.................30

Important ResourcesAlways the Best Carpet Cleaning…..….9Shirley White, ESQ…………….............16Darci Gutierrez Insurance..................18Aly Romero, Realtor…………...……….31Everyday Leader...............................42

Photography& KeepsakesChildrenʼs Paw Prints.......................10Paula Walsh Photography………......16Simply Inspired Photography...........18Shannon Rutherford Photography…….............................30Picture People…………………………..32

Places To Go& Things To DoEddie Papaʼs American Hangout......12Blackhawk plaza ............................43Oakland Zoo ..........................31 & 33

Educational ResourcesGolden Apple Learning Store...........22Empower AcademicService Provider..............................30Jen Lock Art Instruction………………33

ChildrenʼsSport ActivitiesValley Cheer & Dance…………………..8Cabernet Sports………………………….9The Pitching Center…...………………...9American Swim Academy.................12Danville Bowl .................................16Triple Threat Performing Arts.……….19Dublin Bowl..……………………………26West Coast OlympicGymnastics Academy....................…32Horizons East Equestrian..................42

Toy StoresYour Stage Toys...............................18Golden Apple Learning Store...........22

6 ACTIVE KIDS DIRECTORY activekidsdirectory.com

Amy Sluss, RN is a family - life specialist, an author and an acclaimed mother- daughter speaker from Pleasanton, CA. Visit her website

www.fab2bfem.com or contact Amy directly at 925-858- 0702 to arrangea Growing up Female workshop for your daughter.

Connectingthe Generations

by Amy Sluss, RN

Family life can seem disconnected these days. Schedules are tight, job and economic pressures stretch many of us, while the kids go one way and the adults go another. When we are together our attention is often pulled toward screens and electronic devices and away from our family members. If weʼre not careful, we start to feel fractured as a family. If we could just stop by the closest hospital emergency room and get a cast to hold us all together, it would seem so simple. Do not despair! You can create a family environment that is nurturing, loving, and helps you stay connected if you apply a few strategies, even with all of the stresses of the day. This column will bring you ideas to strengthen the bonds that hold your family together and can be applied to all sorts of families: families led by one parent, two parents, or a grandparent, mixed families, multiple household families, families who are just starting out, or even established families who already have a strong connection.

Hereʼs the foundation; it is built on the CARE concept.Take in the basics this month then come back next month for more.

C = Communication A = Affection R = Resilience E = Enjoy Positive Experiences

Communication: Communication is the basis for all good relationships. Even when family life is hectic and you feel frazzled, keep talking and sharing your experiences with each other. Talk in real time and space when you can; otherwise use a variety of modalities to stay in touch: telephone calls, notes in lunch boxes or suitcases, text messages, e-mail, and social networking sites.

Affection: Make it a habit to share both physical and verbal affection, daily. Hugs and other forms of affection are important for health and for the healthy development of children. Donʼt scrimp; share your love even when you are exhausted.

Resilience: Flexibility and adaptability are strengths we all need. Practice them as a family. Forgive the mistakes your family members make and start over as often as you need to with projects or chore lists. Do not hold unrealistic expectations for each other; we are all a work in progress.

Enjoy Positive Experiences: We have many responsibilities; sometimes we forget to savor the positives. Enjoy each other: laugh, play, and goof around together. Share positive experiences, and build a stronger bond between the entire family. Remember to have fun together!

8 ACTIVE KIDS activekidsdirectory.com July 2010 ACTIVE KIDS 9

ASK ABOUT OUR SUMMER CAMPS!

Cabernet Baseball Club, 6474 Patterson Pass Rd., Livermore, Ca 94550925-455-8300 • www.cabernetsports.com/baseball

Mention ACTIVE KIDS and receive $10 offyour initial registration!

TPC Baseball & Softball, 7070 Commerce Circle, Ste D, Pleasanton, Ca 94588925-416-1600 • www.thepitchingcenter.com

CBC offers the valley’s only baseballprogram for kids ages 3 to 6!

Birthday parties, batting cages, live practice tunnels, indoor pitching mounds & more!

Melanie Brunner • Executive Regional Vice President • Arbonne International www.melaniebrunner.myarbonne.com • 415-309-9333

Vegan, Gluten Free meal replacement and detoxifying tea, Energy Tablets with B vitamins and guarana.

Try the ArbonneFigure 8 Weight Management

Products for 28 daysand change your life!Mention ACTIVE KIDS and

receive $30 off your first order

Your Mother Was Right...You Are What You Eat!

Summer Camps

Hip Hop, Cheer and Tumbling all in one fun camp!June 21 – 25 I July 12 – July 16 I July 26 – July 30

12:30 to 3:30 pmLight snack/water provided

$165/members • $175/nonmembers

Bust it out Boot Camp!Refine and improve your advanced tumbling skillsincluding, tucks, fulls, layouts and backhandsprings

Please call for dates in June and July

Song Pom and Hip Hop teams Now Forming!Call Now for more information!

925.838.3159 • www.valleycheeranddance.com

For ages 4 to 8, 9 to 11 and 12+

Carpet Cleaning& Power Washing

'Always the Best'

Reasonable, Reliable& Reputable!

Call for Free Quote!925-337-2844

Go to www.activekidsdirectory.com to sign up today!!

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3413 Mt. Diablo Blvd. #BLafaye�e, CA 94549

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Memories for a LifetimePaw PrintsChildren’s

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Is your child a Bully?6 Steps to Bully Intervention

by Rona Renner, RN

Each week we hear horrific stories of children being victimized by bullies at school, in the neighborhood, and on the Internet. There are school programs working to change the school climate, and there are parents monitoring social networks, but we don't talk enough about the bully and what parents can do to prevent a child from becoming one.

Understand individual behavior styles and have realistic expectations• When children are sensitive and slow to warm up, help them navigate friendships and school life.• Active and impulsive kids love to be the center of attention. Have positive outlets for their energy and passion.

Spend time with children and their friends.• Know your childrenʼs friends and pay attention to the values of their group. Is your daughter attracted to a "troublemaker"? • Try and understand why your child is a friend to the kids who act mean.

Set limits and have consequences• Don't make excuses for misbehavior. Give consequences that fit the behavior and always end with encouragement showing that you expect children will do better next time.• Give attention for positive behaviors. • Find a way to problem-solve without harsh punishment.

Pass on your values. Don't bully your children, and don't let them bully you

• Your children will model your behavior, even more than listening to what you say. Make a point of having them see you help others.• Provide opportunities for children to be of service to people less fortunate. For example, you can have them help at a food bank, or mentor a younger child.• Think about their strengths and the ways they're competent.• Reduce intimidation and increase respectful communication.• Teach children appropriate ways to express their feelings, fears, and desires.

Reduce parental anger• When children experience violence at home, they can internalize their fear and act out their feelings.• Have time away from children when you work out adult problems.• If children hear fighting, have them see you make-up and talk to them about what they heard and what you hope to change in the future.

Early intervention is key• Connect with a child's teachers and school counselors.• Talk with your doctor and get referrals for a mental health professional.• If you don't know where to get help, call 211.


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Tune in to next monthʼs article to learn more about what other topics are covered in a complete estate plan. If you have any questions you would like specifically addressed, please email them to [email protected]

Stay in Control of Your Own Health Decisions

by Shirley M. White, esq. • www.ShirleyWhiteLaw.com

You are fully in control of your health care. But who will be in control if you become incapacitated? Without a legal document in place, no one can legally speak on your behalf.

An Advance Health Care Directive (AHCD) is a document that instructs others about your care should you be unable to make decisions on your own. This document becomes effective only under the circumstances delineated in the document (usually, but not always, at your incapacity).

Your AHCD names an “Agent” who will voice your health care decisions. Usually you will name a primary Agent as well as an optional secondary Agent just in case your primary choice is unavailable or incapable of acting. The document also asks you to answer questions regarding your health care wishes. It asks your thoughts on many questions that may come up in a medical situation: pain relief, organ donation, and most importantly, your wishes regarding life support.

Health Care Directives are mainly known for their life support question – do you want life support or not if things seem very grim? While it is very, very important to answer this question in the document,it is also very important to talk about your thoughts on this with those persons you name in your document. It is quite difficult to check a box that says “no” to life support. After all, you cannot even think about every sort of possibility that could happen with your health care. Talking with your Agent about your thoughts will allow your Agent to understand the reasons behind your answers. It will make your document that much more reflective of your wishes because your Agent will truly know and understand your medical wishes.

Once you have your Health Care Directive completed and signed, keep it somewhere safe and accessible. Someone around you should know where to find it if it should ever become necessary. You may want to give a copy of your AHCD to your physician to keep in your medical file. Also, if you ever go into the hospital for a known procedure, be sure to bring along a copy. If you do not, you will most likely have to complete one on the spot.

If you have children that are 18 (or older), make sure that they have completed an AHCD as well. Until your child is 18 years of age, you can speak on their behalf, but as soon as your child reaches 18, you have no rights over them. They must complete their own Health Care Directive so that you could make their health care decisions on their behalf if it was ever necessary.

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Clearing the Clutter:A Simple Checklist to Get You Started

by Jami L. Tucker, MBA

Jami Tucker is the founder of The Everyday Leader, a Life Coaching service.You can contact her at 925-998-7838 or [email protected].

Please visit her website at www.TheEverydayLeader.com© 2010 The Everyday Leader. All Rights Reserved.

You can start clearing clutter today by following a few practical steps to manage and stay on top of disorganization. Before being able to overcome clutter, it is important to understand how there came to be so much disorganization around you. Look at where the clutter exists – is it in your home, your office, your car? How does the clutter impact your life? Are you comfortable when there is an unannounced visit from friends or neighbors, free from embarrassment about the condition of your home? Can you easily find things you need because you are well organized? Can you take clients, friends, and co-workers in your car without having to clean it up before they can get in? You may have a clutter problem in just one area of your life, such as your office. In this case, you can easily follow the checklist below to make immedi-ate improvements. If the disorganization is in multiple places, you may have to develop new strategies that include helping others around you to become better organized to make the positive impact you desire.

Below is a short checklist of immediate steps you can take to reduce clutter and thereby reduce stress:

Step

•Use a file box or drawers that allow you to hang file folders•Label the folders by topic & organize them alphabetically (e.g., bank statement, credit card bill, phone bill)

•Open your mail in the same area (same desk location or room in your home or office)•Have a recycle bin, garbage can, & your file system near you•Use the “touch once” rule - once you open a piece of mail, file it, recycle/dispose of it, or put it in a to-do folder

•Periodically take a fresh look at what is surrounding you & determine if you still use it (e.g., clothes, toys, household items, etc.)•If the item is something that is usable but no longer needed, put it in the bag at your door•Call your favorite charity to pick up or drop it off yourself (make sure to get a tax donation slip)

•Rather than deal with paper statements coming into your home & taking up space, request to receive them electronically•Keep a copy on your computer, using password protection, if necessary•On a frequent basis, backup your files

Helpful Hints

Put together a file system

Clear away paperimmediately

Keep a bag in an obviousplace, such as near your front door, for items youplan to donate

Use electronic storage foras many things as you arecomfortable storing

park guidepark guideAlamoLivorna Park Livorna Rd at Miranda Ave, AlamoGreat sand area but no shade

DanvilleHap Magee Ranch Park1025 La Gonda Way, Danville Lots of shade and dog friendly

Oak Hill Park3005 Stone Valley Rd, Danville Great for toddlers and duck feedingin the pond but no shade

South Park90 Serene Court, Danville Great for toddlers and lots of shade

DublinEmerald Glen ParkTassajara Rd, DublinFeatures a sand area, jungle gym,and a large open grass area

San RamonBoon Acres9716 Davona Drive, San Ramon Great for picnics, lots of shade,and dog friendly

Central Park12501 Alcosta Blvd, San Ramon Large open grass area and water play

Monarch Park8502 N Monarch Rd, San RamonToddler swings, no sand, and no shade

LafayetteLafayette Reservoir3849 Mount Diablo Blvd, LafayetteRolling grass hills, lots of shade,and lake area.

LivermoreLester J. Knott Park655 N. Mines Rd, LivermoreLarge grass area and great for toddlers

pleasantonMuirwood Community Park4701 Muirwood Drive, PleasantonLots of shade and great for toddlersand picnics

Val Vista Community Park6701 Payne Drive, PleasantonGreat for big kids, rock climbing,and water play, but no shade

Walnut CreekCivic Park1301 Civic Drive, Walnut CreekGreat for toddlers and rock climbing

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Pleasant HillPleasant Hill Park147 Gregory Lane, Pleasant HillOpen grass area, paved path for scooters or skating, and toddler area

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Raising Money Smart KidsAllowance: A gift or reward?

Imagine you overhear the following conversation at a school fundraiser: Justin, a father of two tweenage girls, says: “I donʼt give my kids any allowance at all.”“Really?ʼ... Melissa chimes in. “Iʼve been giving my kids an allowance since they were six years old.”“My kids donʼt get a dime from me until they do all their chores,” states Cynthia, mother of three kids.

For generations, in prosperous times and during recessions, allowance has always been a hot topic. Some parents think kids should “earn” an allowance. Others donʼt. Whatʼs the best way to handle allowance? Should it be a gift or a reward for completing chores?

What some parents do After attending a parenting class and discussing this topic with other parents, Cynthia, a single mom, was delighted she finally found the timeto write up a list of chores for her three kids aged 5, 6 and 8. She posted iton the refrigerator door and proudly announced that she would pay them to complete their chores. Her 5 year old was delighted. Her assignment, to empty the trashcans daily, provided her a real sense of accomplishment…fora day or two. But a few days later, with the trash cans full, her daughter became more interested in annoying her brother than earning an allowance. Cynthiaʼs 6 - year old son yawned and bulked at his chore: shovel the cat litter box. At first he claimed he was allergic to kitty litter, then later admitted that money didnʼt impress him, since his father gave him whatever he wanted anyway. And the 8 - year-old son? A born entrepreneur, he saw this as an opportunity to buy some things he wanted. So he did the chores with enthusi-asm for the first week. Then he bounded into the kitchen one day and announced he wanted $3 more for doing the dishes. Mom said, “ It doesnʼt work that way honey.” “Then Iʼm not doing them anymore,” he replied. Notice how each child responded differently but the outcome was the same. In all three cases, Mom was still left with a household of uncompleted chores. Tying allowance to chores is a danger zone. Wise parents avoid this trap by keeping allowance separate from chores. Chores should be considered contributions kids make to support family life together. Kids should do chores because they are part of a family, not because they are paid.

An “Ah Ha” Money Moment Justin didnʼt get any allowance as a kid, so he decided not to give his kids an allowance either. Only later when Justinʼs kids got a little older did he realize the consequences of depriving his children of the responsibility of managing their own money. When his 9-year-old daughter went on a school field trip for the day, he gave her some spending money. But by lunchtime, his cell phone was full of pleas from his daughter to give her more money, because she was “staaarrrvvvinnnggg”. She had already spent all of her

Kristan Leathermanʼs commitment to helping parents raise respectful,responsible and self - reliant kids is reflected in her workshops, books

and consulting practice. Check out her website at www.RaisingMillionaireBabies.com. She loves to hear from her readers.E-mail her with your comments at [email protected].

money on presents for her family…and oh, yes, on some personal souvenirs.At that point Justin realized that it was the parentsʼ obligation to teach their children about managing their own money, or else he might get stuck with his kidsʼ money problems for the rest of his life! Those practical lessons are not taught in school. In addition, he thought: If I don't start teaching her to spend and save her money wisely before she leaves home, the credit card companies are going to get to her first!

Melissaʼs secret to success Melissaʼs children were 8 and 10, and to teach her kids about money she knew she needed to give them access to it. If we give pencils to kids to learn how to write and books to learn how to read, then it makes perfect sense to give them money to learn how to spend and save. Melissa reasoned that her kids had a lifetime to learn how to earn money but only a short time at home to learn how to manage money wisely. Theirlives would be much happier and more successful if they learned financial self - reliance from someone who truly had their best interests in mind. So she gave her kids a weekly allowance as “practice” money. She madeit clear to them the money was theirs to spend as they wished as long as their choices were in keeping with the familyʼs values. This “family values” stipula-tion covered all sorts of potentially inappropriate spending choices. The benefits of Melissaʼs allowance plan paid off immediately. When her8 year old son begged for the latest game for his handheld device, she suggested he save his allowance money and pay for it himself, the same response she gave her 10 year old when she just had to have the latest application for her cell phone. Trips to the stores become easy and stress free. Melissa has an answer for every “I want”, or “Can I have?” requests. “You are welcome to save your money for that,” she says now with a smile. For tips about how much allowance to give and how often, age appropri-ate chores charts and ways to teach kids how to earn money through jobs that are not tied to chores, check out the book I have co -authored with Jim Fay, Millionaire Babies or Bankrupt Brats? Love and Logic Solutions to Teaching Kids About Money.


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The Balancing ActItʼs Easy to Dote on your Kids:The Alternative to the Spoiler

by Joanne Stern, PhDAuthor of “Parenting Is a Contact Sport:

8 Ways to Stay Connected to Your Kids for Life”

Is your daughterʼs closet filled with clothes that she has yet to wear? Does your childʼs playroom resemble that of a Toys R Us store? As a parent, itʼs imperative to manage a balance between spoiling your child, getting the essentials, and buying token items here and there. Of course, you want to be generous with your children and share the abundance that life has to offer, however teach your children that itʼs important to give, and not just to get. Instill family values to ensure your kids grow up respecting others, giving back to the community, and donʼt keep coming back to mom and dad for money!

First of all, sit down with your spouse or a trusted friend or family member and make a list of the meaningful characteristics you want to impart to your children. If honesty is at the top of your list, then help them learn to develop that trait by smoothing out the way for them to tell you the truth. It takes courage to fess up, so don't try to trap them in a lie, and be quick to affirm them when they tell the truth. Be firm on honesty but gentle on your children. If kindness is a worthy trait for you, create a family slogan: "We're the Stern family and we're kind." It gives your children a sense of belonging to uphold important family principles. Your kids will be watching how you treat others, so model for them what you want them to learn.

Plan family projects that reinforce your family values. As a family, talk about organizations, programs and people in need. When my daughters were young, we talked about what we wanted to do together as a family to help others. Small children can have wonderful, imaginative ideas and thoughts that spark their sense of generosity. They'll feel respected if you listen attentively and take their contributions seriously. It also gives thema sense of pride in being part of a family that acts together. In age appropriate ways, be open with your children about how to consider costs and how you make decisions about what to buy, both for yourself and for them - model self-restraint and moderation. You can't expect your kids to develop common sense if you don't show it yourself. Say no to extravagant purchases so they learn to emulate your logic and temperance. It can be okay to splurge on occasion, however make sure they know that the situation is special, only happens on occasion, and is more than likely, well deserved by the recipient.

Joanne Stern, PhD is a psychotherapist and author ofParenting Is a Contact Sport: 8 Ways to Stay Connected to Your Kids for Life

www.parentingisacontactsport.com

Without burdening them or making them feel fearful or insecure, talk with them about how you work to earn the money you live on, how you save, and how you invest for your future and donate to causes you believe in. Explain why this is important.

At home you can give them a base for solid, healthy values, but realize this will constantly be threatened as they grow older andincreasingly interact with a world taken over by consumerism. Mediaand advertising bombard us all regularly, so we — and our children — are constantly being intrigued by the bigger and the better. Convey to your children that there is more in life than buying and spending – like your family, the community, and the planet.

Peer pressure is heavy in the younger years, and kids commonly feel inadequate if they don't have the latest in fashion or technology to show off to their peers. When their friends are buying the next level up, it's important to talk with your children about the deeper values of compassion, generosity and integrity. Advise them not to be sidetracked into believing they are more valuable if they own the newest brand. Give them examples of people who have left an enduring mark on the world. Anne Frank. Mother Teresa. Martin Luther King. Impress upon your children that it was because of what these people gave to the world, that they made a difference.


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Raising Kids Who CareTip #4: Cultivate An Attitude of Gratitude

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Gail Perry Johnston is author of a collection of stories on satisfying acts of service called The Social Cause Diet, available on Amazon and

www.socialcausediet.com.Read TIP #5 of Raising Kids Who Care in the next issue of Active Kids.

People who are caring, who take the time to extend themselves to others and their world, tend to be grateful. Rather than feeling deprived and shortchanged, they are aware of the goodness in their lives and give to others out of this fullness. Cultivating gratitude is one of the best things you can do for your children. But how? Iʼve split up this challenge into two categories. If you donʼt find something here to apply in your own home, these suggestions will likely inspire other ideas.

Teach your children gratefulness to others. This can be fostered by tracing things in your everyday life back to the hard work of a farmer or scientist or woodworker, etc. When I found out that 30,000 beans are culled to make one pound of coffee, for example, I had a greater appreciation for my cup of brew each morning. In a kidʼs world, a trip to the Jelly Belly Factory in Fairfield or a Pick-it-Yourself farm in Brentwood could make the same impression. But it doesnʼt have to take a field trip. In your daily conversation, call attention to the hands that have labored for your kidsʼ benefit. And donʼt forget your own! Itʼs okay to tell your children about the sacrifices you make, as long as youʼre not screaming about it. My wise friend Ian asks his two-year old, “Do you know why Daddy made you breakfast?” His daughter, as she has been taught, replies, “Because Daddy loves me!”

Teach your children gratefulness for life. Especially for the blessings that go way beyond our control, such as our very life and breath, nature in all its beauty, power, and hilarity, and our good fortune to be born in a place of privilege. Why were we so lucky to be born here, in beautiful California, and not in a tent village somewhere? We do not need reasons, just gratefulness.

One practical way to teach this kind of gratitude is by saying grace before meals. Even if you are not a person of faith, you can memorize a simple prayer or merely pause and call to mind what you are thankful for. As a parent, you want to give your children opportunities to grow in all areas, including spiritually. Going one step farther, “grace” can be said before bedtime and pretty much anytime, whether audible or privately.

Teach your kids gratefulness. As they become genuinely caring people, they will be grateful you did!

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June 2010 ACTIVE KIDS 37 36 ACTIVE KIDS activekidsdirectory.com

Parental Anger:How to Deal

by Lele Diamond & Noelle Cochran

Sometimes parents get angry with kids in ways that they wish they wouldnʼt. We hear constantly from loving, committed parents who struggle with resentments, frustrations and disappointments that they did not expect to encounter. Itʼs an issue that comes up with almost every parent, yet itʼs a subject that is rarely addressed in depth. So how should parents handle times when the stresses of parenting overwhelm any sense of calm, or even hope?

One of the most important things for parents to know is that itʼs normal to move through a range of emotions that include severe experi-ences of negative emotions. The feelings and behaviors that surface in most parentsʼ worst moments are far more common than you think. Very few of us have sufficient models or instruction for healthy and helpful expressions of anger, disappointment or despair. As such, parents can find themselves struggling to invent a roadmap for an unfamiliar terrain, dealing with guilt and grief over things they have said to their children,or to their partner in front of their children. Itʼs important to remember that in the lowest moments, parents are in the process of becoming the example they never had themselves - how to feel, express and communi -cate anger and frustration in healthy ways.

Children need to see their parents angry and in despair at times. This is important for two reasons:

Young children learn by emulating what they see modeled; during the early years, verbal instruction was a distant second to demonstration in terms of teaching power. The goal is for parents to be able to be transparent in their anger and in the process of struggling to expressit appropriately. This same struggle occurs for a toddler multiple timesa day and your child needs to understand that anger is normal and okay to express, as long as it is done in an acceptable way. In other words, itʼs okay to feel any feeling; there are no bad emotions. Itʼs how you express what you feel that matters. This message gives kids an achievable goal when it comes to anger.

Toddlers get frustrated or angry at times, even to the point where they will hit, bite, or throw a temper tantrum. Over time, they will learn to express these feelings in appropriate ways - but whatʼs appropriate will vary from family to family. For example, in some families some yelling is

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Symbio offers services geared to meet the real - life needs of modern families as they move through the early years of child rearing. For

more information, visit www.symbiosf.com. To get questions answered regarding child development and family psychology, email Lele or

Noelle here, [email protected] or call (415) 648-3243.

okay, and in other families itʼs not. As long as there are clear boundaries around violence and pointed insults, healthy expression of anger can vary from one family to the next. Whatʼs important is that there are consistent messages about where the lines are. If you loose your temper, go and talk with your kids about it afterwards, not just once, but go back to it repeatedly. In this way you let them know that you are not afraid of what happened and that they do not need to be either. You are also modeling what it takes to get out of trouble after you blow it – an essential skill for toddlers and preschoolers. You want to convey the message that safely and connection depend not on never feeling angry, but on expressing it well when you do, even if that sometimes means going back to say youʼre sorry for making a mistake.

The second reason for maintaining some transparency around your anger is that kids need to feel congruence between what they are sensing about a parentʼs emotional state and what is being expressed. Parents who are on the verge of blowing a gasket but practicing their best calm - loving-parent voice will sometimes inspire more provocation than compliance from kids. When kids feel like something is off, they will feel anxious and will often opt for pushing parents to the point of an explosion rather than tolerating the anxiety of wondering what is coming next. This doesnʼt mean that your kids will be better off if you lose your temper freely, but rather than masking your feelings try simply explaining, “I am getting really angry because you are not listening to me, so weʼre leaving the park before I lose my temper.”

The trick is to express anger before it gets to the boiling point. Doing so requires developing enough comfort with the fact that you can feel angry, even rageful, at your kids, or your spouse, so that you are able to recognize these feelings before they get so big that they take over.

In the end, outside of instances of violence, the damage done by expressions of anger is often rooted in the feelings and beliefs that govern family life outside of angry moments. By creating a family culture in which anger can be accepted and discussed you can become a team engaged in the project of discovering how to channel those intense feelings into healthy expressions. You can all come together to evaluate successes and failures; you can congratulate an impressive display of self control and commiserate over how it feels to be in trouble for breaking the rules about how to get angry. You will not be able to avoid angeror conflict in your home, but you can do a great deal to banish the shame and disconnection that often linger in its wake.

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Tracey Bianchi is a freelance writer, speaker and mother of three squirmy, messy children. She is the author of Green Mama: The Guilt Free Guide

to Helping You and Your Kids Save the Planet. You can catch her musings at www.traceybianchi.com or pick up

her book on Amazon or wherever books are sold.

Going Green,Without Guilt

by Tracey Bianchi, www.traceybianchi.com

When you hear the words “going green” do you smile or shudder? Maybe your chest swells with a tinge of eco-pride, a desire to show off your compost pile or urban chicken coop? Or perhaps you shrug it all off, who has time to fret over local farmers or hybrid cars? Life is hectic and green tweaks take time.

Many families I know have incorporated sustainable rhythms to their lives while others, understandably, see going green as a fad that adds more to an already bloated to do list.

Compost this. Recycle that. Avoid chemicals. Join a non - profit. All good endeavors but each can add a layer of stress to already frenetic lives. So, is there a guilt-free way to save the planet? A way to celebrate all that is filled with majesty and wonder in our world without stress? An eco - campaign champions sandy feet and dirty faces? You bet!

Several years ago I spotted an insightful flyer at the zoo. It read, “Before your children will want to save an animal they need to learn to love it first.” This was a simple yet brilliant statement that translates into a fresh way of approaching an earth - friendly life. Before your kids want to save the planet they need to learn to love it first!

Before we pile on them (and ourselves) chores (noble as they may be) that involve recycling, trail clean up, energy conservation or any number of necessary green tasks, as parents we need to call their little hearts to action. The best way to raise an environmentally aware child is to nurture a love for everything from catching a glimpse of the dolphins to their own reflection glimmering in a puddle on the sidewalk.

A child who grows up with a spirit that has been set free to roam their parks and beaches, the foothills, and the local streams, is a child for whom a million adventures await. This is a child whose imagination will lead her to places where, our adult minds long to return.

So as we approach those late, hazy days of summer, take a few moments to ditch whatever eco-stress has accumulated and simply bask in the splendor of the natural world. You can choose to walk slowly to your local destinations - take your time, pick up the bugs and twigs along the way. Linger at the beach, hike a new trail, set up camp in the backyard or back deck for a night. Drive out of the city for a few hours and gaze up at the evening stars on a clear night.

Embrace all that is awe-inspiring about this planet with your children, and eventually caring for this earth, our home, will be a natural overflow of their hearts. No nagging, no guilting, just a desire to protect and preserve what they deeply love - their planet.

SUN MON TUE WED

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Meet a RaptorLindsay Wildlife Museum

1931 First Ave,Walnut Creek

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Preventing Childhood Injuries

FREE LectureJohn Muir Medical Center 1601 Ygnacio Valley Rd.,

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Camp Blackhawk with Radio Disney

The Playground at Blackhawk Plaza, Danville

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Arts & CraftsChildrenʼs Fairyland699 Bellevue Ave,

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Baby Boot Camp4040 Blackhawk Plaza

Circle, DanvilleEvery Tues. & Fri.(925) 413-3624

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Concert in the Park

Lions Wayside Park, Pleasanton

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Story & Music Time

Studio Grow1231 Diamond Way,

ConcordMonday – Friday

11am(925) 798-5850

Summer Serenade Farmers Market

Downtown Danville5 – 8pm

Feasts for the Beasts

Oakland Zoo9777 Golf Links Rd.

9am – 3pm(510) 632-9525

The Sippy Cups FREE PerformanceDean Lesher Center for the Performing Arts

Walnut Creek12pm & 3pm

(925) 943-7469


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July 2010 Issue