Parshat Vayechi - 5773

7/30/2019 Parshat Vayechi - 5773

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5773

Rabbi Shaanan Gelman

Drasha

Veiled Tears

In the multitude of reactions to the tragic shootings in Newtown,

Connecticut, one of the most notable moments was President Obamas

brief but poignant words delivered the same day. Many were quick to

comment about the Presidents uncharacteristic tears during that

speech. One of the side discussions which broke out in the newspapersand political articles was whether it is appropriate for a leader to cry in

public.

This past week I stumbled upon something so obvious, yet for some

strange reason I never noticed beforehand.

Yosef cries a lot. Thats not to say that he isnt justified in doing so or

that we wouldnt respond in a similar fashion under thosecircumstances. Notwithstanding, he cries a lot; and more so than any

other character in Tanach, Yosefs waterworks seem to be constantly

flowing at high volume.

Not only does crying appear to be an important motif in Yosefs life, but

Chumash Bereshit ends after informing us of the final tears which Yosef

sheds:

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:


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And so, one might even suspect that there is some final message

encoded within the tears, preparing us for the next stage, as we

embark upon Sefer Shemot and the transition from familial life to

nationhood.

In order to assess whether Yosefs tears are significant , we have to take

a look at the circumstances under which they occurred.

Yosef cries a grand total of seven times. The first time appears when

Yosef overhears the brothers speaking about what they did to Yosef,

confessing their crime amongst themselves. Yosefs response:

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:

And he turned himself about from them, and wept; and he returned to

them, and spoke to them, and took Simeon from among them, and

bound him before their eyes.

Rav Aaron Lichtenstein pointed out a peculiar pattern in the emotional

response of Yosef he tends to run away from expressing his emotions

openly.The next time he cries occurs when Yosef lays eyes on his brother

Binyamin for the first time in many years:

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29 And he lifted up his eyes, and saw Benjamin his brother, his mother's son, and

said: 'Is this your youngest brother of whom ye spoke unto me?' And he said: 'God

be gracious unto thee, my son.'30And Joseph made haste; for his heart yearned

toward his brother; and he sought where to weep; and he entered into his

chamber, and wept there. 31 And he washed his face, and came out; and he

refrained himself, and said: 'Set on bread.'

Instead of publicly expressing his joy, Yosef is ashamed; he fights back

the tears and enters a private room. He then quickly composes himself,

washes off his face and instructs his servants to set his guests up with a

meal.

The next cry happens when he reveals his identity to his brothers:

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1 Then Joseph could not refrain himself before all them that stood by

him; and he cried: 'Cause every man to go out from me.' And there

stood no man with him, while Joseph made himself known unto his

brethren. 2 And he wept aloud; and the Egyptians heard, and the houseof Pharaoh heard.


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Rav Lichtenstein1

notes that this is obviously an exaggeration, and that

it is clear that the Egyptians didnt hear the cry throughout the entire

land. Rather, what is being expressed here is that the cry is a dramatic

and intended to leave a lasting impression:

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Yosef wants to break free from the past, he wants to establish the

connection again, to mend the gap and to create the image of

accessibility. His tears in this instance are an expression of that desire.

But does Yosef succeed in removing his mask entirely?

The next time he cries is when Yosef is reunited with Binyamin:

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And he even cries at that point about the other as well:

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1http://www.etzion.org.il/dk/5770/1205maamar1.html


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Radak notes that only Yosef cries and not the brothers, as opposed to

Binyamin who cries with Yosef, indicating that something was amiss2:

" , "

And they did not cry because they were embarrassed of him.

According to Radaks reading it seems that not all was mended at this

point. Perhaps Yosef had hoped that the relationship would be healed by

now, but the brothers still feared Yosef more than they loved him.

The next time he cries also provides us with a bit of ambiguity, as Yosef

is at last reunited with his father:

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Here, Rashi famously notes that the Torah only describes one of the two

as cryingand while Yosef was crying, Yaakov is reciting the Shema.

It would seem as well based upon this reading that a proper reunion has

not yet occurred, as only one of them is crying.

According to Ramban the one who is crying here is Yaakov, and Yosef

is dry eyed. Rav Lichtenstein explains that as Yaakov is overwhelmed

with emotion, Yosef is preserving his image as an Egyptian ruler, and

leaders do not cry in public.

What led the Ramban to read that into this moment?

It seems that every time Yosef cries there is either an attempt to veil

himself and to hide his tears. Seeing that only one of them cried at this

2See Rav Saadiah Gaons comment on this possuk, who understands that Yosef cried together with the brothers.


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reunion, its perhaps logical to deduce that the one who was not crying

was in fact Yosef, the man who consistently avoids showing his cards.

And even when he does cry, it seems that no true connection had been

established .

Lets skip to the final cry with which we began:

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Something here is terribly wrongYosef cries, but its not clear why he

is crying at this point. 17 years had passed since their initial reunion,

one would think that the tear ducts have long since dried up and that all

of the expression and sentiment which was once so fresh has already

been dealt with. Rav Chanoch Waxman3

suggests though that this time

Yosef cries for another reason

These are tears of absolute isolation and solitude. For that matter, these

tears are not normal tears, the joy of reunification or the grief and

mourning of death. Rather, these tears are the unique tears of Yosef.

These are the solitary tears of anguish and alienation

3http://www.vbm-torah.org/parsha.62/12vayechi.htm


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The Netziv4picked up on this in his commentary the Haemek Davar:

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Yosef cries because he is still suspected of harboring resentment. He

cries because after years together, his brothers still believe that hewants to seek vengeance. Yosef realizes in the final moments of his life

that nothing has been achieved, no advancement of his relationship.

Yosef is to them the viceroy of Egypt; he is nothing more than the

provider of sustenance and the one who issues taxes on the citizens.

As he realizes this harsh truth, he reminds them that he will continue to

provide for them sustenance:

4The Neztiv bases himself upon the following Mishna in Yoma, in which we find the High priest crying because he

realizes that he is suspected of being a Sadducee:

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But as he exits the stage, Yosef is a broken man. He will sadly remain at

arms length from his family, viewed first and foremost as the feared

ruler and not the brother who attempted to pour out his heart on their

shoulders!

And in an ironic twist of fate, Yosef realizes how utterly dependent he is

upon his siblings, begging them to bury him in Eretz Canaan. Alas,

explains Rav Lichtenstein, it is not Yosef who sustains his brothers, butrather his brothers who must sustain him in the final moments.

The persona of Egyptian ruler who is afraid to cry in public and who is

feared more than he is respected has won out in the end. And though

Yosef truly loves his family and yearns for closeness, they do not see

things the same way.Ann Cuddy, body language expert, and professor in the Harvard

Business School deals with the various poses people take duringstressful times and how the position of ones body and expression on

their face can determine the outcome of those interactions. She

mentioned that one of most stressful encounter people have is a job

interview and that there are times when the person conducting the

interview will take an expressionless pose; and in doing so they

paralyze the person who is sitting on the other side of the table. The

one taking the interview is given no social clues and no indication as to

whether their words have made an impact. This phenomenon is called

Standing in social Quicksand.


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What has happened to the is that they are standing in social

quicksand, either because Yosef waited too long to remove his mask or

because the damage done in the past was too profound, or a

combination of both. Either way, the veiled tears of Yosef were notsufficient to break the paralysis.

Yosefs stalwart position and emotionless stance, the game face he has

been wearing for the past 17 years has left his brothers wondering

where they stood.

When we paralyze people we know in such a manner, when we take

stances which express no normative emotional reactions, and when wehold onto the public persona of the leader or of the CEO or of the stern

parent or provider for the household, we risk not forming a meaningful

connection. Do we really want others to walk on eggshells around us,

ever frightened that they arent saying the right things or doing their

job properly or pulling their weight in a relationship?

And the same is true in our encounter with Hashem if we fail to

respond emotionally, if we keep up appearances as the servant but

never remove our masks, we build a barrier that becomes very difficult

to ever tear down.

As we end the book of familial relationships and move into the realm of

nationhood and religious identity we must preserve this important

lesson. Let us be real people remove the mask, know that its alright

to express emotion, that it doesnt make you a weak leader or a

spineless husband, or a cowardly friend, or even a non believer. It just

makes you genuine. If something warms our hearts, lets express it, if

someone offends our sensibilities, talk about it, and if we want to mend

something that became broken, do so before its too late. And if we


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want to feel the presence of God in our lives, dont stand on ceremony

and posture; because its better to cry with God and with our fellow,

than to have to do so alone.

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Parshat Vayechi - 5773