Truyen Vui Suu Tap

8/2/2019 Truyen Vui Suu Tap

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1. Money And Friends"Since he lost his money, half his friendsdon't know him any more"

"And the other half ?""They don't know yet that has lost it"

1.Tin v bn- T ngy hn mt tin, phn na bn bca hn khng cn bit ti hn na.

- Cn na kia ?- H cha bit l hn mt tin.

2. Father Wants To Go To BedNext-door Neighbor's Little Boy : "Father

say could you lend him your cassette player fortonight ?"

Heavy - Metal Enthusiast : "Have you aparty on ?"Little Boy : "Oh, no. Father only wants to go tobed ".

2.B chu mun i ngCh b hng xm cnh nh : - B chu hi

ti nay ch c th cho b chu mn cicassette c khng ?Ngi m nhc rock nng : - B nh chu

c tic tng g h ?Ch b: - khng, b chu ch mun i

ng.


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3. The River Isn't DeepA stranger on horse back came to a river

with which he was unfamiliar. The travellerasked a youngster if it was deep.

"No", replied the boy, and the rider started

to cross, but soon found that he and his horsehad to swim for their lives.When the traveller reached the other side he

turned and shouted : "I thought you said itwasn't deep ?"

"It isn't", was the boy's reply : "it only takesgrandfather's ducks up to their middles !"

3.Dng sng khng suMt l khch i nga n mt dng sng xa

l. ng ta hi mt thiu nin xem dng sng yc su khng.

- Khng u, - ch b p, v ngi k m

bt u vt sng. Nhng ngay sau ngnhn ra c ngi ln nga u phi bi tricht.

Khi ngi l khch ti b bn kia, ngquay li ht ln : - Tao c tng my ni lsng khng su.

- ng th m, - ch b p, - nc sngny ch ngp ngang bng l vt ca ng chuthi.

4. My Daughter's Music Lessons

"My daughter's music lessons are a fortuneto me ?""How is that ?""They enabled me to buy the neighbors'

houses at half price".

4. Gi tr ca nhng bi hc nhc

- Nhng bi hc nhc ca con gi ti l cmt gia sn ca ti .- Ti sao vy ?- Chng gip ti mua c cc ngi nh ca

hng xm ch bng na gi tin thi.

5. A Policeman And A ReporterCountry Policeman (at the scene of

murder) : "You can't come in here"

Reporter : "But I've been sent to do themurder"Country Policeman : "Well, you're too late;

the murder's been done".

5. Cnh st v phng vinCnh st vng qu (ti hin trng mt v

n mng) : - Anh khng c vo y.

Phng vin : - Nhng ti c phi n ylm v n mng ny.Cnh st vng qu : - A, anh mun mt ri ;

v n mng lm xong.


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6. A Cow GrazingArtist : "That, sir, is a cow grazing"Visitor : "Where is the grass ?"Artist : "The cow has eaten it"Visitor : "But where is the cow ?"

Artist : "You don't suppose she'd be foolenough to stay there after she'd eaten all thegrass, do you ?"

6. B n cHa s : - Bc tranh v mt con b ang

n c y, tha ng.Khch : - C thy c u ?Ha s : - Con b n ht ri.

Khch : - Th cn con b u ?Ha s : - Ch b ng tng con b li ngun mc ng sau khi n ht c saong ?

7. Let's Work Together"Can you tell me how to get to the post

office ?"

"That's just where I want to go. Let's worktogether. You go south, and I'll go north, andwe'll report progress every time we meet"

7. Ta hy phi hp vi nhau- Nh anh ch cho ng n bu in ?- Chnh ti cng mun ti . Ta hy phi

hp vi nhau. Anh i hng nam, ti i hngbc, v chng ta s tng thut li tin trinmi khi mnh gp nhau.

8. The French People Have Difficulty"Did you have any difficulty with your

French in Paris ?""No, but the French people did"

8. Ngi Php khng rnh ting Php- Anh c gp kh khn g vi vn ting

Php ca anh khi ti Paris khng?- Khng c, nhng ngi Php th qu l c.

9. Great MysteryNewsboy : "Great mystery! Fifty victims!

Paper, mister ?"Passerby : "Here boy, I'll take one" (After

reading a moment) "Say, boy, there'snothing of the kind in this paper. Where is it ?"

Newsboy : "That's the mystery, sir. You'rethe fifty first victim".

9. B mt khng khipCh b bn bo : - B mt khng khip y!

Nm mi nn nhn! Mua bo khng, thang?

Khch qua ng : - Li y, tao ly mtt. (c qua mt hi) - Ny, thng nhc kia,trong bo c thy tin no nh vy u. N nm ch no ch?

Ch b bn bo : - chnh l iu b mt,tha ng. ng l nn nhn th nm mi mty.

10. Why Do They Have French Lesson?"What's the idea of the Greens havingFrench lessons ?"

"They have adopted a French baby, andwant to understand what she says when shebegins to talk".

10. Hc ting Php l g ?- V c g m gia nh Green li hc tingPhp ch?

- H va nhn nui mt b s sinh ngiPhp nn mun hiu n s ni g khi bt utp ni.


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11. The Hen And The DogJones : "Sorry, old man, that my hen got

loose and scratched up your garden"Smith : "That's all right, my dog ate your

hen"

Jones : "Fine! I just ran over your dos andkilled him".

11. G v chJones : - Xin li anh bn v con g nh ti

st chung v bi nt khu vn ca anh.Smith : - Khng sao u, con ch nh ti

xi ti con g ca anh ri.

Jones : - Hay qu! Ti va mi cn cht conch nh anh y ny.

12. Our Faults"Once a friend of mine and I agreed that it

would be helpful for each of us to tell the otherall our faults"

"How did it work ?""We haven't spoken for five years".

12. Tnh bn thng thn- C ln mt ngi bn v ti ng nn

ni cho nhau bit tt c li lm ca ngi kia ;nh th s c ch cho c hai.

- Kt cc th no?- Sut nm nm ri bn ti khng thm ni

chuyn vi nhau na.

13. She's My WifeOne of the guest turned to a man by his side

to criticize the singing of the woman who wastrying to entertain them.

"What a terrible voice! Do you know whoshe is ?"

"Yes", was the answer. "She's my wife"

"Oh, I beg your pardon. Of course, it isn'ther voice, really. It's the stuff she has to sing. Iwonder who wrote that awful song ?"

"I did", was the answer.

13. V ti Mt v khch quay sang mt ngi ngi bn

v ch bai ging ca ca mt ph n ang htgip vui cho h.

- Ging ca g nghe m khip! Anh c bit bta l ai khng?

- Bit ch, - cu tr li. - V ti .

- i ch, xin li anh. Thc ra th khng phido ging ca ca ch y. Chnh ci th h lnm ch ta buc lng phi ca ht ln mi lkhip. Ti khng hiu a no li i vit mtbi ca kinh khng nh vy?

- Ti vit y.


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14. The Difference Between Valor AndDiscretion

"What's the difference between valor anddiscretion ?"

"Well, to go to a swell restaurant without

tipping the waiter would be valor""I see. And discretion ?""That would be to dine at a different

restaurant the next day".

14. Can trng v t nh- Can trng v t nh khc nhau ra lm

sao?- , i n mt nh hng xn m khng

buc boa cho bi bn tc l can trng.

- Ra th. Cn t nh?- Tc l hm sau nn chn nh hng khcm n.

15. FlatteringCritic : "Ah! And what is this ? It is superb!

What soul! What expression!"Artist : "Yeah ? That's where I clear the

paint off my brushes".

15. Nnh bNh ph bnh : - i! Ci g th kia? Mt bc

tranh tuyt vi! Qu su sc! Qu tinh t!Ha s : - Ci g? l ch ti chi c cho

sch sn y.

16. Cigar FruitGardener : "This is a tobacco plant in full

flower, madam"Dear Old Lady : "How very interesting!

And how long will it be before the cigars areripe ?"

16. Tri x gNgi lm vn : - y l cy thuc l

ang n hoa , tha b.Mnh ph kh knh : - Hay qu nh! Th

bao lu na th x g mi chn?

17. Downstairs And UpstairsDownstairs : "Didn't you hear me pounding

on the ceiling ?"Upstairs : "Oh, that's all right. We were

making a lot of noise ourselves".

17. Chuyn c xNh tng di : - Ti nn ln trn nh th

m anh khng nghe ?Nh tng trn: - , khng sao u. Chnh

bn ti cng ang lm inh i c ln y ny.

18. Time"Don't you agree that Time is the greatest

healer ?""He may be, but he's certainly no beauty

specialist".

18. Thi gian- Anh c ng rng Thi Gian s cha

lnh mi vt thng khng?- C th y, nhng chc chn Thi Gian

khng phi l chuyn gia thm m ri.


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19. Borrowing Money"Glad to see you, old man. Can you lend me

five dollars ?""Sorry, but I haven't a cent with me today""And at home ?"

"They're all very well, thank you, very well".

19. Vay tin- Gp anh tht qu ha qu, anh bn. Cho

ti vay mi c khng?- Rt tic l hm nay ti khng c mt xu

trong ngi.

- Cn nh th sao?- nh ai cng kho c, cm n anh, khelm.

20. How Many Knaves Live In ThisStreet ?

A wag asked his friend."How many knaves do you suppose live in

this street besides yourself ?""Beside myself !" replied the other. "Do you

mean to insult me ?""Well, then ?" said the first, "how many do

you reckon including yourself ?"

20. Bao nhiu k bt lng?Mt k thch a hi ngi bn :- Theo anh th ph ny c bao nhiu k

bt lng, khng k anh?- Khng k ti! - ngi kia ku ln. - B

anh mun s nhc ti y ?

- Ch, vy th ph ny c bao nhiu k btlng, k c anh?

21. Life - Size Enlargements"Do you make life-size enlargements of

snapshot ?""That's our specialty""Fine : here's a picture I took of the

Pyramid"

21. nh phng ln- y anh c nhn phng nh ln bng

kch thc tht khng?- l chuyn mn ca chng ti.- Hay qu! y, phng cho ti tm nh ti

chp Kim T Thp.

22. Terrible ExperienceMiss Gushin : "It must be wonderful to be a

parachute jumper. I suppose you've had someterrible experiences"

Parachutist (fed up with her) : "Yes, miss,terrible. Why, once I came down where there

was a sign : "Keep Off The Grass"".

22. Kinh nghim khng khipC Gushin : - Lm ngi nhy d chc hn

phi tuyt vi lm. Ti ngh l anh tng triqua nhiu kinh nghim khng khip.

Ngi nhy d ( chn ngy nhng cuhi ca c ta) : - ng vy, khng khip lm.

Ch, c ln ti p xung ngay ni c cmbng ghi "Cm i Trn C".


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23. Don't Be So ConceitedSmith : "I keep hearing the word 'Idiot' - I

hope you are not referring to me"Jones : "Don't be so conceited. As if there

are no other idiots in the world!"

23. ng t ph naSmith : - Ta c nghe my lp i lp li mi

my t "thng ngu". Hy vng l my khng mch tao y ch?

Jones : - Thi i, ng c ln mt t ph.

Lm nh trn i ny khng cn thng ngu nokhc.

24. Anything Will DoMusician (after much pressing) : "Well, all

right, since you insist. What shall I play ?"Host : "Anything you like, It is only to

annoy the neighbors".

24. Ci g cng cNhc s (sau nhiu ln b ni p) : - Thi

c ri, nu nh ng mun th. Ti s chibi g by gi y ?

Gia ch : - Bt c bi no anh thch. Ch chc tc hng xm thi m.

25. Naming AnimalsAdam and Eva were naming the animals of

the earth when along came a rhinoceros.Adam : "What shall we call this one ?"Eva : "Let's call it a rhinoceros"Adam : "Why ?"Eva : "Well, because it looks more like a

rhinoceros than anything we're named yet".

25. t tn mung thAdam v Eva ang t tn cho cc loi th

trn tri t th mt con t gic i ti.Adam : - Ta s gi con ny l g?Eva : - Hy gi n l t gic.Adam : - Sao vy?Eva : - Bi v n trng ging mt con t

gic hn bt k con g chng ta t tn nygi.

26. StatuesCountry Cousin (after prolonged inspection

of building operations) : "I don't see the senseof putting statues on top of your buildings"

Friend : "Statues ? Those aren't statues.They're bricklayers".

26. Nhng pho tngNh qu ln tnh (sau mt hi ngm ngha

vic xy dng) : - Ti khng hiu sao li tmy pho tng ln nc to nh ca anh lm cig ?

Ngi bn : - Tng no? My ci uphi l tng. l nhng ngi th n.

27. Man - Eating LionOld Lady (at the zoo) : "Is that a man-eating

lion ?"Fed - up Keeper : "Yes, lady, but we're shortof men this week, so all he gets is beef".

27. S t n tht ngiB gi ( s th) : - l s t n tht

ngi phi khng?Ngi gi th (chn ngy b c) : - ng, b, nhng tun ny chng ti ht schngi ri nn n ch c n tht b thi.


8/38

28. Identified"This check is doubtless all right," said the

paying teller politely, "but have you anythingabout you by which you could be identified ?

The pretty young thing faltered, "I have a

mole high up above my left knee".

28. Xc minh- Tm chi phiu ny hon ton hp l, -

ngi th qu ngn hng lch s ni, - nhngc c ci g xc minh v c khng?

- C nng xinh p p ng : - Em c mt

nt rui cao tt bn trn u gi tri.

29. It Wasn't Me"Hello, Frank, I thought you were dead ?""Oh", said Frank, "they did get a story

around that I was dead, but it was another man,I knew it wasn't me as soon as I heard of it"

29. Khng phi ti u- , Frank, tao c tng u my cht ri?- , - Frank ni, - ng l h c n i

rng tao cht, nhng l ngi khc kia.Nghe tin n y l tao bit ngay lin khngphi l tao m.

30. A Great Discovery ?"Purely by accident, I have made one of the

greatest discoveries," said the scientist."May I ask what it was ?""I found," - said the scientist, "that by

keeping a bottle of ink handy you can use afountain pen just like any other pen, without allthe trouble to filling it".

30. Khm ph v i- Hon ho do ngu nhin, ti thc hin

c mt trong nhng khm ph v i nht, -nh khoa hc ni.

- Xin php c hi l g ?- Ti khm ph ra l, - nh khoa hc p,

- bng cch mt l mc gn bn, ta c ths dng mt cy bt my ht nh bt k cybt mc no khc m khng phi mt cngbm mc.

31. Has The Dinner-Bell Rung ?"My dear sir, you flatter me lingering to

hear the remainder of my tale when the otherpassengers dashed away at the sound of thedinner-bell." Said the longwinded tourist to hisone remaining listener.

"What! Has the dinner-bell rung ?" askedthe other, as he jumped to his feet ands dashedtoward the dining room.

31. n gi n ri sao ?- ng tht l qu ha, ng lm ti hnh din

v chu kh nn li nghe nt cu chuyn ti ktrong khi cc hnh khch khc lao vt i ngaykhi chung bo gi n vang ln.

- Mt du khch c tt ni nng dng di, tnht, bo ngi nng nghe c nht cn ngili.

- Ci g! n gi n ri sao? - ngi kia kuln v ng pht dy, lao vt v pha phng n.

32. A Popular Song"So that is a popular song he's singing ?""It was before he sang it".

32. Ca khc ni ting- Vy ci bi hn ang ht l mt ca khc

ni ting ?- N tng ni ting trc khi hn bt u

ht bi y.


9/38

33. A PortraitHost (doing the honors) : "And that is a

portrait of me great - great - grandfather"Visitor : " Wonderful ! Why, he doesn't look

any older than you !"

33. Bc chn dungGia ch (ang a khch i gii thiu

quanh nh) : - Cn y l chn dung ng c bai ca ti.

Khch : - Hay tht l hay! Ch, trng ng c

chng gi hn anh t no.

34. A Gift From SisterShe : "Where did you get that umbrella ?"He : "It was a gift from sister"She : "You told me you hadn't any sisters"He : "I know. But that's what engraved on

the handle".

34. Mn qu ca ngi em giNng : - Anh kim u ra cy d y th ?Chng : - l mt mn qu ca ngi em

gi.Nng : - Sao anh bo em l anh chng c ch

em gi no c.Chng : - Th ng vy. Nhng l dng

ch khc trn cn d.

35. Haircut Free Of ChargeA man entered a barber's shop with a boy of

five or six years of age holding his hand. Hewas in a great hurry and he asked the barber tocut his hair first and later to cut the boy's hair.

"He can wait, I want you to cut my hairfirst," he said.

The barber did as he was told and when hehas finished the man got out of the chair and

the boy tool his place. The man excusedhimself and said that he would be back in a fewminutes and would pay for them both. Then heleft and the barber began to cut the boy's hair.When he had finished he picked the boy up andplaced him in a chair to wait. He gave him amagazine to look at.

A half hour passed. An hour passed. At lastthe barber said :

"Don't worry, your father will be back soon""My father ?" said the boy. "He isn't my

father, I was playing in the street and he camealong and said : "Come on with me, little boy.Let's go into this barber's shop together andhave our hair cut".

35. Ht tc min phMt ngi dt tay mt ch b trc nm, su

tui bc vo hiu ht tc. ng ta ang rt viv bo ngi th ht tc cho ng trc ri htcho thng b.

- N ch c m, ng ht cho ti trc i,- ng ta ni.

Ngi th lm theo li v khi hon tt,ngi khch ra khi gh cho thng b ngi vo

th ch. ng co li phi i ngay v s quay lisau vi pht tr tin cho c hai. Th l ngta i ra v ngi th bt u ht tc cho thngb. Xong xui, ng b a b t ln mt chicgh ngi ch v cho n mt t tp ch xem.

Na gi tri qua. Mt gi tri qua. Cuicng, ng th ht tc ln ting :

- ng c s nghe, nh. Ba my s quay lilin.

- Ba no? - ch b ni. - ng y u phi ba

chu. Chu ang chi ngoi ng th ng yti bo : "Theo bc i chu. Ta hy vo timht tc ny v cng ht tc i".


10/38

36. May I Go In To Swim ?Overheard on the beach at a coast resort.Small boy to his mother : "Mummy, may I

go in to swim ?""Certainly not, my dear, it's far too deep"

"But daddy is swimming""Yes, dear, but he's insured".

36. Con xung bi c khng ?Chuyn nghe c ti bi tm ca mt khu

ngh mt ven bin.Ch b hi m : - M i, cho con xung bi

c khng?

- Nht nh l khng c, cng , ncsu gh lm.- Nhng ba ang bi kia ka.- Ba con bi th c; ng c bo him ri.

37. A City IdlerA good - for - nothing city idler had

inherited a country grocery store. He was

taking his ease alongside the counter in hisfavorite chair when a customer came in andasked for a dozen apples.

"I can't wait on you to day" said the ex-cityman. "Come in some other time when I'mstanding up".

37. Dn li thnh thMt tay chy li v tch s thnh ph

va c hng tha k mt ca hng bch

ha min qu. Hn ta ang tn hng thnhn trong chic gh ng nht cnh bn quyth mt ngi khch vo mua mt chc to.

- Hm nay khng bn hng nghe, - g cudn thnh th ni. - Ch khi no ti ng lnth ng ti mua.

38. B. C 1187Two men, who were visiting a Museum,

were seen standing in front of an Egyptianmummy, over which hung a placard bearingthe inscription : "B.C. 1187"

Both visitors were much mystified thereby"What do you make of that, Jim ?""Well", said Jim, "I don't know; but maybe

it was the number of the motorcar that killedhim".

38. 1187 TCNTrong vin bo tng, ngi ta gp hai du

khch ang ng trc mt xc p Ai Cp,bn trn xc p y l mt tm bng ch"1187 TCN".

Hai anh chng n ht sc thc mc v tmbng y.

- Anh hiu ci ra lm sao, Jim?- Ch, ti cng chu. - Jim ni, - Nhng c

th l s xe ca chic xe cn cht tnny.

39. Boying Ambition"Where any of your boyish ambitions ever

realized ?"Yes, When my mother used to cut my hair I

often wished I might be bard headed"

39. Tham vng thi trai tr- Nhng tham vng thi trai tr ca anh c

ci no thnh hin thc khng?- C ch. Ngy xa khi m ti ct tc cho

ti, ti thng c ao l mnh s hi u.


11/38

40. Three SonsThree proud mothers discussing their eight-

year-old sons."I just know my little Johnnie is going to be

an engineer," said the first.

"Whenever I buy him a toy, he tears it apartto see what makes it work"The second said, "I'm so proud of Freddie, I

just know he's going to be a fine lawyer. Heargues with the other kids all the time"

"No question about it", said the thirdmother, "little Harold is destined to be a doctor,Why, he never comes when I called him!"

40. Ba qu tBa b m t ho ang bn lun v cc cu

qu t tm tui ca h.- Ti bit chc thng Johnnie nh ti ln ln

s thnh k s. - ngi th nht ni. H ti

mua cho mn chi no l cu cu tho tungn ra xem ci g lm n chy.B m th hai ni : - Ti ht sc hnh din

v thng Freie nh ti. Ti bit chc n s trthnh mt lut s ti ba. N lc no cng cic vi nhng a tr khc.

- B Harold nh ti th khi phi ni, - bm th ba ln ting, - s n s thnh bc s.Ch, ti m ku n th ch bao gi n ti.

41. What'll I Do ?Neighbor : "Did I bring your lawn mower

back last month ?"Indignant Householder : "No, you did not"Neighbor : "Now what'll I do ? I want to

borrow it again ?"

41. Bit lm sao by giHng xm : - Thng trc ti c mang ci

my ct c tr li cho ng khng?Ch nh tc ti : - Khng, ng u c tr.Hng xm : - Kh cha? Th m by gi ti

li mun mn ci my y na y!

42. Creative ImaginationA well-known Royal Academician who

noticed a drawing of a fish by a pavement-artistasked the man what sort of fish it was supposedto be.

"A shark, sir !""But you've never seen a shark," said the

R.A"That's true, sir", the man agreed : "but then,

don't some of those Academy chaps paintsangels ?"

42. c tng tng sng toMt vin s Hn Lm trng thy mt bc

phc ha hnh con c ca mt ha s va h bnhi : - Theo anh th y l loi c g ?

- C mp y, tha ngi.- Nhng anh thy c mp bao gi u? -

vin s hi.- ng vy, - chng ha s ng , - nhng

tha ngi, th sao c my thng cha VinHn Lm li v c thin thn c y ?


12/38

43. Guess Who Sent ThemA young couple that had received many

valuable wedding presents established theirhome in a suburb.

One morning they received in the mail two

tickets for a popular show in the city, with asingle line : "Guess who sent them"The pair had much amusement in trying to

identify the donor, but failed in the effort. Theyduly attended the theatre, and had a delightfultime. On their return home late at night, stilltrying to guess the identity of the unknownhost, they found the house stripped of everyarticle of value. And on the table in the diningroom was a piece of paper on which waswritten in the same hand as the enclosure with

the tickets : "Now you know !"

43. on xem ai giMt cp v chng tr nhn c nhiu qu

ci qu gi khi xy t m vng ngoi .Mt sng n, h nhn c qua ng bu

in hai v mi xem mt bui trnh din ni

ting trong thnh ph, km theo mt dng duynht : "on xem ai gi".Cp v chng rt th v trong vic c xc

nh cho ra ngi gi tng nhng khng tino on ra. H n nh ht ng theo v miv tn hng mt ti vui. V n nh lc trikhuya, hai ngi vn cn c suy on tung tchngi mi v danh, th h khm ph ra nhmnh b tc sch mi mn c gi tr. Vtrn chic bn trong phng n l mt mnhgiy vit cng nt ch vi l th gi km theo

cp v :"By gi th qu v bit ri!"

44. How Are You On Speed ?Head of Business College : "In teaching

shorthand and typewriting, we are strong foraccuracy"

Inquirer : "How are you on speed ?"Head of Business College :"Well, of last year's class, six married their

employers within six months."

44. Tc Hiu Trng Trng Thng Mi : - Trong

vic ging dy tc k v nh my, chng tit nng vo s chnh xc.

Thanh tra : - Th cn v tc th sao?Hiu Trng Trng Thng Mi : - Khi

ni, trong s hc vin tt nghip kho trc,su c ly lun su ng ch trong vng suthng thi.

45. Congratulations !"I painted something for the Academy last

year""Was it hung ?""Yes, near the entrance where everybody

could see it""Congratulation ! What was it ?""A board saying, 'Keep to the left' " .

45. Xin chc mng!- Nm ri ti c v mt bc cho Vin Hn

Lm.- Th n c c treo khng?- C ch. Treo gn cng chnh, ai cng c

th nhn thy n.- Xin chc mng! Anh v ci g vy?- Mt tm bng : "Hy i Pha Bn Tri"


13/38

46. An ImitationAn artist famous for painting animals was

motoring through Iowa, when he saw a veryanimated looking bull. Thinking he would liketo take him on canvas, he got permission of the

owner. In due time he produced an excellentlikeness of the bull, which he sold for fivehundred dollars. On seeing the farmer a yearlater, he told him he had sold the picture of hisbull for the price.

"Good Lord !" exclaimed the old farmer."Why. I would have sold two real bulls for lessthan that one imitation of yours."

46. giang li xe bng qua tiu bang Iowa, mt

ha s ni ting v ti v th vt trng thy mtcon b rt linh hot. C thch th hin con by ln khung vi, ngi ha s bn xin php

ch nhn. Sau , ng hon tt mt bc tranhcon b ging ht nh tht v em bn cnm trm -la. Gp li ngi nng dn ymt nm sau, ngi ho s thut li vic bnbc tranh vi ci gi nh vy.

- Tri t i! - lo nng dn ku ln. - Aim mua hai con b tht ca ti vi gi r hnmt con b gi ca cu th ti bn lin.

47. You Should Have Thought Of That"I don't like these photos at all", said a

client. "I look like an ape."

The photographer, famous for his wit aswell as for his art, favored him with a glance oflofty disdain.

"You should have thought of that before youhad them taken," was his reply as he turnedback to work.

47. L ra anh phi cn nhc trc iu - Ti khng thch my tm nh ny cht

no, - mt khch hng ni. - Trng ti c nh

kh t y.Nh nhip nh, lng danh v c ti hm

hnh ln ngh thut ca mnh, ban cho ngikhch mt ci nhn khinh thng y v caongo v mt li p trc khi quay li vicng vic :

L ra anh phi ngh ti iu trc khianh nh ngi ta chp hnh anh ch.

48. THE SUNSETFather : "This is the sunset my daughter

painted. She studied painting abroad, youknow."Friend : "Ah, that accounts for it ! I never

saw a sunset like that in this country."

48. Hong hn nhp ngoing b : - y l bc tranh hong hn con

gi ti v y. N hc v nc ngoi v yanh.Ngi bn : - A, hn g! x n ti cha h

thy hong hn no nh vy c.

49. Soiled Currency"I hope you are not afraid of microbes",

apologized the paying teller as he cashed theschoolteacher's check with soiled currency.

"Don't worry," said the young lady, "amicrobe couldn't live on my salary."

49. Tin bn- Ti hy vng l c khng s vi trng, -

ngi th qu ngn hng xin li trong khithanh ton tin mt cho tm ngn phiu lnhlng ca mt c gio bng nhng t giy bcd bn.

- Anh ng lo, - c gi p, - ngay c vitrng cng khng sng ni trn ng lng cati u.


14/38

50. Why Do You Go On The Balcony ?Wife : "Why do you go on the balcony

when I sing ? Don't you like to hear me ?"Husband : "It isn't that. I want the neighbors

to see that I'm not beating my wife."

50. Ti sao anh li i trn ban cng ?V : Ti sao anh li i trn ban cng trong

khi em ht nh th ch ? B anh khng thchnghe em ht sao ?

Chng : Khng phi vy u, em. Anh ch

mun cho b con hng xm thy l anh hinthi khng c nh p g em ht.

51. RevengeThey were having a musical evening, and

the hostess asked the celebrated basso to singanother song.

"I'm afraid it's too late," he replied, "Ishould disturb the people in the neighboringhouse."

"And a good thing, too," replied the lady.

"They poisoned our dog last week."

51. Bo thGia nh ang t chc mt ti ho nhc v

b ch mi mt danh ca ging trm ht thmbi na.

- Ti e l tri qu khuya ri, - danh ca p, -Ti s quy ry nhng ngi trong ngi nhln cn mt thi.

- Th li cng hay, - n gia ch p. H

va u c cht con ch nh ti tun trc.

52. Making Conclusions From TheLooks

A very thin man met a very fat man in thehotel lobby.

"From your looks", said the flat man, "theremight have been a famine."

"Yes," was the reply, "and from your looks,you might have caused it."

52. Trng mt m bt hnh dongMt ngi rt gy cm gp mt ngi rt

bo mp trong tin snh khch sn.- Nhn tng anh, - ngi bo mp ni, - ti

chc l ang c nn i xy ra u .ng vy, - cu tr li, - v nhn tng anh

th chc l chnh anh gy ra nn i y.

53. My Mom Can Do That !Teacher was giving her class a little weekly

talk on paining, illustrated by reproductions offamous pictures.

"Sir Joshua Reynolds," she said, "Was ableto change a smiling face into a frowning onewith a single troke of the brush."

"Huh," little Johnnie was heard to mutter,"my maw kin do that!"

53. M em lm d scTrong mt cuc ni chuyn chuyn hng

tun, c gio ang ging bi cho hc sinh vhi ha, c minh ha bng nhng bn sao cabc tranh ni ting.

- Ch bng mt nht c duy nht, - c gioni, - danh ha Joshua Reynolds c th binmt khun mt ti ci thnh mt khun mtnhn nh.

-X, - c gio nghe ting b Johnnie lm

bm, - chuyn th m em lm d sc!


15/38

54. The Applicant's HonestyA man once applied for a job in a dry-goods

house. His appearance wasn't prepossessingand references were demanded. After somehesitation, he gave the name of a driver in the

firm's employ. This driver, he thought, wouldvouch for him. A clerk sought out the driver,and asked him if the applicant was honest.

"Honest ?" the driver said. "Why, hishonesty's been proved again and again. To mysertain knowledge he's been arrested nine timesfor stealing and every time he was acquitted."

54. S lng thin c khng nhC mt ngi xin vic lm ti mt hiu bn

hng may mc. B ngoi ca anh ta khng gyc tnh my cho nn ch hiu i phi c ngichng nhn cho anh. Sau mt lc do d, ngi

xin vic nu tn mt ti x hin ang lm thungay ti hiu ny. Anh ta cho l ngi ti x ys bo m cho anh. Mt nhn vin i tmngi ti x v hi xem ngi xin vic kia clnmg thin khng.

- Lng thin ? ngi ti x p. Gch s lng thin ca anh ta c chngminh khng bit bao nhiu ln. Theo nh tibit, anh ta tng b bt giam chn ln v tin cp m ln no anh y cng c x trngn c.

55. QualifiedManager : "Are you sure you are qualified

to lead a hard rock band ?"Applicant : "Absolutely, I've had two

nervous breakdowns, I was shellshocked whenin the army, and I live in an apartment above afamily with twelve noisy children."

55. kh nngng bu : - C chc l anh c kh nng

du dt mt ban nhc rock khng?Ngi xin vic : - Nht nh l c ch, ti

tng qua hai ln suy nhc thn kinh, ti b khng hong chin trng v sng n lc trong qun i, v ti hin ang sng trong mtchung c m cn h trn u ti l mt gianh vi c tiu i con nt m .


16/38

56. The Hobo And The Plain-ClothesMan

"Give me a dime for a cup of coffee ?"asked the hobo of the plain-clothes man.

"Do you ever work ?" said the plain-clothes

man"Now and then.""What do you do ?""This and that.""Where ?""Oh, here and there."The plain-clothes man took him to the

police station."When do I get out of here ?" wailed the

hobo."Sooner or later," growled the desk

sergeant.

56. K lang thang v ngi cnh st mcthng phc

- Cho ti xin mt ng mua tch c phung i? - g lang thang hi ngi cnh stmc thng phc.

- Anh c bao gi lm vic khng? - ngicnh st hi.- Lc lm lc khng.- Khng vic ny th vic kia.- u?- , khng ch ny th ch n..Ngi cnh st mc thng phc tm k

lang thang a v n.- Khi no ti mi ra khi y? - g lang

thang ku r ln.Vin trung s trc ban gn ging nt : -

Khng sm th mun.

57. Weather Man's OrderWeather Man : "Put down rain for a

certainty this afternoon."Assistant : "Are you sure, sir ?"

Weather Man : "Yes, in deed I've lost myumbrella. I'm planning to play golf, and mywife's giving a lawn party."

57. Mnh lnh ca nh kh tngNh kh tng : - Chc chn ma chiu nay.

Ghi vo i.Tr l : - Nhng ng c chc khng ch?

Nh kh tng : - Chc ch sao khng. Ti nh i chi golf chiu nay, v ti nh tchc mt ba tic ngoi tri th m ti li nhmt chic d.

58. My Daughter's Voice Is Improving"My daughter is having her voice

cultivated.""Is it improving ?""It's growing stronger. She used to be heard

only two apartments away. Now we gotcomplaints from away off in the next building."

58. Ging ca ang tin trin- Con gi ti ang hc luyn ging y.- Th c tin b hn khng?- Cng lc cng mnh hn y ch. Trc

kia ging n ch vang xa cch hai cn h. By

gio th tn chung c ln cn ngi ta cngti than phin chng ti.


17/38


18/38

60. Never Refuse AnythingA clerk in a miscellaneous store was serving

a caller. The manager was at a desk somedistance away, but he overheard the clerk say :"No, madam, we haven't had any for a long

time.""Oh, yes, we have," interrupted themanager; "I will send to the warehouseimmediately and have some brought for you."

The lady went out laughing. The managerturned to the clerk : "Never refuse anything;always sent out for it."

"Well, you see," replied the clerk, "she saidto me, "We haven't had any rain lately."

60. Khch hng l vuaMt nhn vin trong mt hiu tp ho ang

phc v mt khch hng. Ngi qun l angngi bn giy cch mt qung nhng ngta thong nghe anh nhn vin ni vi khch : -

ng vy, tha b, lu ri khng c chtno ht.- , c ch sao khng, - ngi qun l ngt

ngang, - Ti s bo vi nh kho v cho mangmt t n phc v b.

B khch va ci m va b i. Ngiqun l quay sang anh nhn vin :

- Khng bao gi c t chi bt c iu gi vi khch. Lun i sai ngi i ly hngv.

- Nhng tha ng, - anh nhn vin p, - b

y bo ti l "Do ny khng thy tri ma htno c".

61. Ordering A RazorA certain young man wrote the following

letter to a prominent business firm, ordering arazor :

"Dear Sirs - Please find enclosed 50c forone of your razors as advertised and oblige -John Jones.

"P. S - I forget to enclose the 50c, but nodoubt a firm of your high standing will send

the razor anyway."The firm addressed received the letter and

replied as follows :"Dear Sir - Your most valued order received

the other day and will say in reply that we aresending the razor as per request, and hope thatit will prove satisfactory.

"P. S - We forgot to enclose the razor, butno doubt have no need of it."

61. t mua dao coMt thanh nin n vit l th sau y gi

cho mt cng ty c tn tui t mua mt lidao co : " Knh gi qu hng - nh km theo y l50 xu t mua mt li dao co nh qu ng qung co v bo m - John Jones.

T. B. - Ti qun km theo 50 xu nhng chcchn mt cng ty tm c nh qu v vn s gi

li dao co y cho ti".Cng ty trn a ch y nhn c l th v

tr li nh sau :"Knh tha ng - Chng ti nhn c

n t hng gi tr ca qu ng vo ngy hmkia v xin phc p rng chng ti s gi lidao co y theo li yu cu v hy vng rngqu ng s hi lng.

T. B. - Chng ti qun gi km theo lidao co nhng chc chn mt ngi vi titin nh ng s khng cn chi ti mn hng

."


19/38

62. The Doctor And The AristocratA doctor was called in to see a rather testy

aristocrat."Well, sir, what's the matter ?" he asked

cheerily.

"That, sir," growled the patient, "is for youto find out.""I see," said the doctor thoughtfully, "Well,

if you excuse me for an hour or so, I'll go alonga fetch a friend of mine - a veterinarian. He isthe only chap I know who can make adiagnosis without asking questions."

62. Bc s v qu tcMt bc s c mi ti thm bnh cho mt

nh qu tc tnh nt kh chu.- A, tha ngi, bnh ra lm sao vy ? - bc

s vui v hi.

- Ny, iu th chnh bc s phi tm rach, - bnh nhn cau c bo.- Ch ch, - bc s ni vi v t l, - Nu

ngi khng phin lng, ti xin php c ichng mt ting ng h gi bn ti tiy. Anh ta l k duy nht ti bit c th chunon bnh m khng cn hi. Anh y l bc sth y y.

63. To Be Drunk Is A DisgraceOn a pleasant Sunday afternoon an old

German and his youngest son were seated in

the village inn. The father had partakenliberally of the beer, and was warning his sonagainst the evils of intemperance.

"Never drink too much, my son. Agentleman stops when he has enough. To bedrink is a disgrace."

"Yes, Father, but how can I tell when I haveenough or I am drunk ?"

The old man pointed with his finger."Do you see those two men sitting in the

corner. If you should see four men there, you

would know that you were drunk."The boy looked long and earnestly. After a

time, in puzzled tones, he said :"Yes, Father, but - but - there is only one

man in that corner."

63. Say sa l ng xu hVo mt chiu Ch Nht thoi mi, mt ng

gi ngi c v a con trai t ang ngi

trong qun n trong lng. Ngi cha ungbia qu l v ang rn e a con trai v tchi ca s v .

- ng bao gi ung qu nhiu nghe con.Mt ngi chnh chn phi bit dng li khi thy . Say sa l thi ng xu h lm.

- Vng , nhng lm sao con bit c khino th con v khi no th con say, b.

ng gi a mt ngn tay ch :- Con c thy hai ngi ang ngi trong gc

kia khng. Nu con m thy bn ngi

tc l con say ri.Nhng ngi con trai chm ch nhn tht

lu. Sau mt lc, anh ta hoang mang ln ting :- Nhng b i, gc ch c... ch c...

mt ngi thi m.


20/38

64. Too Highly Colored"Your narrative is too highly colored,"

remarked the editor, returning the bulkymanuscript.

"In what way?" inquired the disappointed

author."Why," replied the editor, "in the very firstchapter you make the old man turn purple withrage, the villain turn green with envy, the heroturn white with anger, the heroine turn red withblushes, and the coachman turn blue withcold."

64. Lo lot qu.- Cu chuyn ca anh mu m lo lot qu,

- ngi bin tp va nhn xt va tr li tpbn tho dy cm.

- C th l sao ch ? - tc gi tht vng hi.

- , - Ngi bin tp p, - ngay chngu tin anh cho ng gi tm mt v tc gin,tn c n xanh mt v ghen t, nhn vt nam timt v cm tc, nhn vt n mt v ngngngng, cn ngi li xe li xanh ti v lnh.

65. How To Compile A Dictionary"How did you compile your great dictionary

?" the lexicographer was asked."Oh, it was something like having a quarrel

with one's wife - one word led to another."

65. Phng php son t in- ng bin son b t in v i ca ng

theo cch no ? - mt ngi hi nh t inhc.

- , vic cng ging nh vic ngi taci ln vi v y m ; ht ch ny li ko sangch khc.

66. Unexpected NewsA young clerk was called to the front office."Of all my clerks," began the boss, "I

noticed you seem to be most interested in yourwork. No hours seem too long for you and younever let the slightest detail escape you."

"Yes, sir ?" said the clerk with glowing andexpectant satisfaction.

"Yes," continued the boss, "And so I amforced to fire you. It is such young men as youwho learn here and then go out and start a rivalbusiness."

66. Tin bt ngMt nhn vin tr c gi ln vn phng

chnh.- Trong ttb c nhn vin ca ti, - ng ch

nhp , - ti thy anh l ngi lm vic chtm nht. Anh khng qun ngi i sm vmun v anh khng h b st mt chi tit nhnht no.

- Vng, tha ng ? - cu nhn vin p, lngkhp khi mng thm.

- Do , - ng ch ni tip, - ti buc phisa thi anh. Chnh nhng thanh nin nh anhhc ht mnh kho y ri ra ngoi m c sring cnh tranh vi ti.

67. A Yard Of PorkA man went into a butcher's shop, and

finding the owner's wife in attendance in theabsence of her husband, thought he would havea joke at her expense, and said, "Madam, canyou supply me with a yard of pork ?"

"Yes, sir," said she. And then turning to aboy, she added, "James, give that gentlemanthree pig's feet !"

67. Mt thc tht heoMt ngi bc vo mt hng tht. Thy v

ng ch ang trng hng thay cho ngi chngi vng, anh ta ny mun a bn v ngihng tht cho vui :

- B bn cho ti mt thc tht heo.- C ngay, tha ng, - C p v quay sang

thng b gip vic ni thm. - James, ly choqu ng y ba ci chn gi.


21/38

68. Please Give The Steak AnotherShock

Waiter : "Yes, sir, we're very up to date.Everything here is cooked by electricity."

Diner : "I wonder if you would mind giving

this steak another shock ?"

68. Cho git in ln naBi b : Tha ng, nh hng chng ti rt

hin i. Mi mn n y u c nunng bng in c.

Thc khch : Khng bit anh c vui lng

cho ming tht b ny git in thm ln nac khng ?

69. I've Got A Parrot"Glad to see you getting in on time these

mornings. Mr. Latterly. " Said the storemanager.

"Yes, sir, I've got a parrot now.""A parrot ? What for ? I advised you to get

an alarm clock!""I did, sir, but after a few mornings I got

used to it, and it failed to wake me. So I got a

parrot and now when I retire I hang the alarmclock over his cage. It wakes the parrot, andwhat the bird says would arouse anybody."

69. Ti c con vt ri- Rt vui khi thy my sng gn y anh i

lm ng gi , anh Latterly, - ngi qun lca hng ni.

- Vng, tha ng, ti c con vt ri.- Con vt ? lm g ch ? Ti khuyn

anh mua mt ci ng h bo thc c m ?- Ti c mua, tha ng, nhng sau vi bui

sng th ti m quen vi n nn n khng

nh thc ti dy c na. Th l ti muamt con vt v by gi trc khi i ng ti treoci ng h reo trn lng con vt v nhng gcon vt ni s lm thc tnh bt k ai.

70. Christmas CardsA young man approached the counter at

which Christmas cards were being sold."Have you anything sentimental ?" he

asked."Here's a lovely one," replied the salesgirl.

"To The Only Girl I Ever Loved.""That's fine. I'll take four - no - six of those,

please."

70. Thip ging sinhMt thanh nin tin li mt quy hng by

bn thip Ging Sinh.- C c ci g tnh cm khng ? - anh chng

hi.- y l mt ci rt d thng. - c bn

hng p. - "Tng Ngi Con Gi Duy NhtTi Yu".

- Ci hay y. C bn cho ti bn...khng... su ci i.

71. A Painless DentistDinah had been having trouble with an

ulcerated tooth for some time before she got upenough courage to go to a dentist. The momenthe touched her tooth she screamed bloodymurder.

"What are you making such noise for ?"demanded the doctor. "Don't you know that I'ma "painless dentist" ?"

"Well, sah," retorted Dinah, "mebbe yo'isPainless, but Ah isn't. (Well, sir, maybe you'repainless but I'm not

71. Nha s khng auDinah phi chu kh s v chic rng

vim m sut mt thi gian ri mi chu thuht can m i n nha s. Ngay lc nha s vachm vo chic rng au th c ta ku trinh bng.

- Vic g m c m th ? - nha s hi. - Bc khng bit ti l "nha s khng au" sao ?

- A, - Dinah b li, - c th ng khng aunhng ti th au.


22/38

72. What Time Is It ?First Drunkard : "Say, know what time is

it ?"Second Drunkard : "Yeah."First Drunkard : "Thanks."

72. My gi ri ?Ngi say I : - Ny, bit my gi ri

khng ?Ngi say II : - Bit.Ngi say I : - Cm n.

73. The Effect Of AdvertisingEditor : "Does it pay to advertise in my

paper ? Well, I should say it does. Look atSmith, the grocer, for instance. He advertisedfor a boy last week, and the, very next day Mrs.Smith had twins - both boys."

73. Hiu qu ca qung coNgi bin tp : Qung co trn t bo ca

ti c em li hiu qu khng? , ti dm nil c. C ly ng Smith, ch hiu tp ha, lmv d. Tun trc ng ta ng giao vt cn mtcu con trai gip vic th ngay ngy hm sau bSmith sinh i - hai thng con trai.

74. Wish You Success"I hope your recent marriage has turned out

a great success," A journalist interviewed afamous playwright.

Playwright : "Oh, quite ! I've already madethree plays out of my wife's past."

74. Chc thnh cng- Ti hy vng l cuc hn nhn gn y ca

ng tr nn mt thnh cng ln. - mt nhbo phng vn mt nh vit kch ni ting.

Nh vit kch : - Hn i ri ! Ti ly it ca v ti dng thnh ba v kch ri .

75. The Legend On The Salary ReceiptForms

A certain firm had the following legendprinted on its salary receipt forms :

"Your salary is your personal business, and

should not be disclosed to anyone."The new employee, in signing the receiptadded :

"I won't mention it to anybody. I'm as muchashamed of is as you are."

75. Li ph ch trn phiu lnh lngMt cng ty n c li ph ch sau y in

trn cc phiu k nhn tin lng ca hng :"Tin lng l chuyn ring t ca bn,

khng nn tit l vi bt k ai."

Ngi nhn vin mi vo lm bn vit thmkhi k vo phiu lnh lng :"Ti khng ni cho bt k ai bit u. Ti

cng xu h v ng lng ny nh ng vy."


23/38

76. The Bird Is LameA man bought a canary from a pet store."You're sure this bird can sing ?" he said

suspiciously."He's a grand singer."

The customer left. A week later hereappeared."Say! This bird you sold me is lame!""What, what did you want a singer or a

dancer ?"

76. Con chim quMt ngi mua mt con chim bch yn

mt hng bn th king n.- ng c chc l con chim ny bit ht

khng ? - ng ta hi mt cch hoi nghi.

- N l mt ca s tuyt vi y.Khch hng ra v. Mt tun sau, ng ta xuthin tr li.

- Con chim ng bn cho ti b qu !- Th ng mun ci g ch ; ca s hay l v

cng ?

77. In The Bank Lobby"Did anybody drop a roll of bills with a

rubber band around them ?" asked an old man.

"Yes, I did," said several voices in the banklobby."Well, I just picked up the rubber band,"

said the old gentleman calmly.

77. Trong tin snh ngn hng- C ai nh ri mt cun giy bc c si

dy cao su cun quanh khng ? - ting mt ng

gi hi.- C, ti nh ri y, - nhiu ting nivang ln trong tin snh ngn hng.

- , - ng gi im m tr li, - Ti vanht c si dy cao su y n.

78. Flexible CombSalesman : "Ladies and gentlemen, I have

here the famous flexible comb that will standany kind of treatment. You can bend it double -you can hit it with a hammer - you can twist it -

you can - "Interested Listener : "Say, mister, can you

comb your hair with it ?"

78. Chic lc n hiNgi bn hng : - Knh tha qu v, ti

hin ang c mt loi lc n hi lng danhchu ng c bt k loi x l no. Qu vc th b gp n lm i... qu v c th ly

ba nn vo n... qu v c th vn cho nli... qu v c th...

Mt thnh gi quan tm : - Ny ng, th ngc th tri tc vi ci lc c khngvy ?

79. If You Thought...Doctor : "Would you have the price if I said

you needed an operation ?"Patient : "Would you say I needed an

operation if you thought I didn't have theprice ?"

79. Nu ng ngh l...Bc s : Nu nh ti ni l ng cn phi gii

phu th ng c kh nng thanh ton tin khng?

Bnh nhn : Nu nh ng ngh l ti khngc kh nng thanh ton th ng c ni l ti cnphi gii phu khng ?


24/38

80. Doing Three Men's WorkEmployee : "I have been here 10 years

doing three men's work for one man's pay.Now I want a raise.

Employer (slightly Scotch) : "I can't give

you a raise but if you'll tell me who the othertwo men are I'll discharge them."

80. Lm vic bng baNhn vin : Ti lm y sut mi nm

rng, mt mnh ti lm bng ba ngi m chn lng c mt ngi thi. By gi th timun tng lng.

ng ch (c mu Trm S) : - Ti khngth tng lng cho anh c, nhng nu anhcho ti bit hai ngi kia l ai th ti cho hngh vic.

81. We Began In A Small WayOurselves

Two financiers who were partnersdiscovered that an office boy in their employhad been tampering with the petty cash.

One of them was so much enraged that hedesired to send for the police, but the other manwas a calm and just man. He took a moderatehumane vies of the situation.

"No, no," he said : "let us always rememberthat we began in a small way ourselves."

81. Ngy xa chng ta cng nh mnnh th

Hai nh ti chnh hp tc lm n vi nhaukhm ph ra mt cu nhn vin tp v lmcng cho h lu nay ty my vi tin qutp ch. Mt nh ti chnh tc gin n ngta mun cho mi cnh st ti, nhng ngi kiavn cng bng v im m nn nhn vn ny vi quan im nhn o v trung dung.ng bo :

- ng lm th, chng ta phi lun nh rngngy xa chng ta khi u s nghip cngbng nhng phng cch nh mn nh vy.

82. Why Does The Dog Watch Me Eat ?Guest : "Why does your dog sit there and

watch me eat?"Hotel Host : "I can't imagine, unless it's

because you have the plate he usually eatsfrom."

82. Ti sao con ch nhn ti n ?Khch : - Ti sao con ch ca ng li c

ngi m nhn ti n vy ?Ch khch sn : - Ti cng khng hiu ni,

tr phi ng ang n bng ci a m n thngn.

83. Modern Bathing SuitFair Customer (to salesman displaying

modern bathing suit) : "And you're sure thisbathing suit won't shrink ? "

Salesman : "No, miss; it has nowhere toshrink to."

83. o tm m-enKhch hng phi p (hi ngi bn hng

ang trng by mt kiu o tm hin i) :- Anh c chc l b tm ny khng co rt

khng ?Ngi bn hng : - Bo m, tha c, n

cn ch no na u m co.


25/38

84. Not Today, MadamA firm advertised for a stenographer and

next morning was overwhelmed withapplicants. The office boy was told to admit nomore.

Shortly after this an aggressive lady arrived,and pushing her way past the others, demandedto see the boss. By this time the office boy hadgrown deaf to all protestations, and had oneanswer.

"Not today, madam" he said."But I'm his wife.""Not today, madam" was the inexorable

answer.

84. Hm nay l ht riMt cng ty qung co cn tuyn th k v

ngay sng hm sau chn ngp ngi n xinvic. Cu nhn vin tp v c lnh khngcho ai vo na.

Lin ngay sau , mt ph n hung hngxut hin v chen ln vt qua nhng ngikhc, i gp ng ch. n lc ny th cunhn n y tai vi mi li phn i v chc mt cu tr li bt di bt dch.

- Hm nay l ht ri, c , - cu ta ni.- Nhng ti l v ng ch m.- Hm nay l ht ri, - vn cu tr li y.

85. AutobiographyEditor : "Did you ever write anything before?"

Authoress : "Oh, yes, I wrote anautobiography once."

Editor : "Did the editor send back ?"Authoress : "No, he came all the way from

New York to San Francisco to marry me."

85. Chuyn i tiBin tp : Trc gi c vit ci g cha ?

N tc gi: - c. Ti tng vit mt tchuyn v i mnh.

Bin tp : - Th bn tho c b bin tp trli khng ?

N tc gi : - Khng, ng ta i mt no tNew York qua San Francisco ci ti.

86. Shoe And FeetA clerk in a shoe store was trying topersuade his customer that a certain pair ofuncomfortable shoes fitted him.

"Those shoes are too narrow and toopointed," said the customer.

"Oh, said the salesman," but they era infashion. People are wearing narrow, pointedshoes this season."

"That may be," answered the sufferinggentleman, "But unfortunately, I am still

wearing my last seasons feet."

86. Giy v chnNhn vin ca mt hiu giy ang c thuyt

phc khch hng l mt i giy bt tin no l rt va vn vi ngi khch.

- i giy ny hp qu v nhn qu, - khchhng ni.

- , - Ngi bn hng p, - Nhng kiuny ang l mt . Ma ny ngi ta mangton l giy hp v nhn khng .

- C th l vy, - ngi khch khn kh trli, - nhng xui xo l ti vn cn mang haibn


26/38

87. WatchdogA family moved from the city to the

suburbs, and were told they ought to get awatchdog to guard the premises at night. Sothey bought the largest dog that was for sale in

the kennels of a nearby dealer.Shortly afterwards the house was entered byburglars, who made a good haul while the dogslept. The householder went to the dealer andtold him about it.

"Well, what you need now," said the dealer,"is a little dog to wake up the big dog !"

87. Ch gi nhMt gia nh t thnh ph di v ngoi v

c bo l h phi mua mt con ch d canh chng gia c vo ban m. Th l h muacon ch to nht tri ch ca mt tay li bun

sng gn .Chng bao lu sau , nh tr b trm tnhp v v mt m ln trong khi con ch ngsay. Ch nh bn gp tay li bun v k chohn nghe chuyn ny.

- Ch - tay li bun ni, - by gi ng cnphi mua mt con ch con nh thc conch ln.

88. Talking To San FranciscoA certain sales manager has a very loud

voice. One morning, when he was shouting in

his office, the managing director asked hissecretary, "What's was all this noise about ?"

"Mr. Blank is talking to San Francisco, sir"was the reply.

"Then why on earth doesn't he use thetelephone ?" asked the managing director.

88. Ni chuyn vi San FranciscoMt trng phng mi v n c ging ni

rt ln ting. Mt bui sng, khi ng ta ang

h ht trong vn phng, v gim c iu hnhhi c th k : - G m inh i th ny ?

- ng Blank ang ni chuyn vi SanFrancisco, tha ng ? - c th k p.

ng gim c : - Th th sao hn khngdng in thoi m ni h tri ?

89. How Did You Put It Together ?Williams was always a bad payer, but one

day he walked into the shop of the local grocer,and paid the whole of his account without amurmur.

"That letter you send me did it," heexplained to the man behind the counter. "I'venever seen one like it. Why, it would getmoney out of a stone. How did you put ittogether ?"

The grocer smiled sadly."I took the best bit out of the letter my wife

sent me when she was vacationing at an

expensive resort," he explained.

89. L th thn diuWilliams ni ting l mt con n l lm,

nhng mt hm anh ta bc vo ca hng tpha trong vng v thanh ton ht mi khonmua chu khng h lm bm ting no.

Anh ta gii thch vi ng ch ang ng sauquy hng :

- Chnh l th ng gi ti khin ti phitr dt n. Cha bao gi ti thy l th no csc mnh n nh vy. c l th th ng cng phi x tin ra. Lm sao ng vitc l th hay n th ?

ng ch hiu tp ho mn ci bun b :

- Ti ly nhng on hay nht trong l thv ti gi cho ti khi b ta i ngh mt mtkhu du lch t tin...


27/38

90. A New JobThe young man who answered the classified

advertisement, "Opportunity of a Lifetime,"found himself in the presence of a nervousindividual.

"What I am looking for is somebody to doall my worrying," he explained, "Your job willbe to shoulder all my cares."

"That's some job, how much do I get ?"asked the applicant.

"You get $20,000 to make every worry ofmine your own," replied the overwroughtindividual.

"Where is the $20,000 coming from ?""Ah, that's your first worry !"

90. Cng vic mi mMt thanh nin tm n a ch trong mc

giao vt "C Hi Ngn Nm C Mt Thu"thy mnh c din kin mt nhn vt y ut. Ngi y gii thch :

- Ti ang cn tm mt ngi lm tt cnhng g ti quan tm. Cng vic ca anh s lgnh vc mi lo toan ca ti.

- Vic ny khng d n, ng tr ti baonhiu ? - ngi xin vic hi.

- Anh c 20.000 lm cho mi nilo ca ti thnh ni lo ca chnh anh, - nhn vttiu tu kia p.

- Th u c 20.000 y ?- , l ni lo th nht ca anh y

91. A Very Rare Old RevolverAntique Dealer : "Here I have a very rare

old revolver from the time of the Romans.Customer : "But surely they didn't use

revolvers ?Antique Dealer : "Ah that's why it's so rare."

91. c qu himNgi bun c : - Ny, ti c mt khu

sng lc xa rt him thi La M.Khch hng : - Nhng ngi La M thi

u c xi sng lc ?Ngi bun c : - , bi vy n mi

him.

92. Entertaining Customer"Mr. Smith," said the head of the firm, "Inoticed there's a considerable item for meals inyour expense account."

"Er - I was entertaining customers andprospective buyer, sir."

"All right, I'm not complaining, but I hopeyou will bear in mind that we are sellingtractors, and no blue bird ever buys tractor."

92. Tip i khch hng- ng Smith ny, - gim c cng ty ni, -ti thy trong khon chi ca anh c mtkhon ng k dnh cho nhng ba n.

- ... , Ti tip i khch hng v nhngngi c trin vng thnh khch hng ca ta m.

- Khng sao, ti khng than phin chuynny, nhng ti hy vng ng s nh rng chngta ch bn my cy, v khng c c nng no imua my cy bao gi.


28/38

93. How Did You Make Your Fortune ?"How did you make your fortune ?""I became the partners of a rich man; he had

the money and I had experience.""How did that help ?"

"Now he has experience and I have themoney."

93. B quyt lm giu- Lm sao anh to c sn nghip ny ?- Ti hp tc vi mt tn giu c, hn c

tin cn ti c kinh nghim.- Chuyn ch li ra sao ?

- By gi th hn c kinh ngim cn ti thc tin.

94. Reorganization"Our bank has just gone through a

reorganization.""What was the mater ?""We found we had more vice-presidents

than depositors."

94. Ci t- Ngn hng chng ti va tri qua mt s

ci t.- Nguyn nhn v u ?- Chng ti thy rng ngn hng ny c s

ph gim c nhiu hn s thn ch m ti

khon.

95. Making reservationsA man wrote to a hotel to make reservations

and asked if dogs were allowed.The hotel manager answered his letter as

follows :"I've been in this business for thirty years. I

have never had to call the police to eject adisorderly dos. Never had a dog set fire to abed with a cigarette. I have never found a hotel

towel or blanket in a dog's suitcase. Certainlythe dog will be welcome."

"P.S. If you dog will vouch for you, you cancome along too."

95.t phng khch sn.Mt ngi vit th cho khch sn t phng

trc v hi xem c c php mang theo chkhng.

Ngi qun l khch sn tr li nh sau:"Ti trong ngh ny ba mi nm v

ti cha bao gi phi gi cnh st tng c mtcon ch ba bi.Cha h c con ch no htthuc l lm chy ging.V ti cng cha

thy con ch no giu khn tm hay chn cakhch sn trong va_li ca n. Chc chn ch sc hn hnh n tip.

T.B. Nu nh con ch ca ng c th bam cho ng th ng c th i theo."

96. Anything Ready - MadeA rather stout woman was making herself a

nuisance in the big store which was holding itsannual sale. Nothing, it seemed, would suit her,and the unfortunate salesgirl was beginning to

get a little weary."Haven't you anything ready-made that willfit me ?" asked the customer at last.

"Yes; the umbrellas and the handkerchiefsare downstairs, madam," the girl replied.

96. Hng may sn

Trong mt ca hiu ln ang t chc kbn gim gi hng nm, mt b khch to boc gy phin h mi. Hnh nh chng c mng va b ta v c gi bn hng xui xo btu thm mt.

- y c khng c mn hng no va viti sao? - Cui cng ngi khch hi.

- C, tha b, mi b xung gian hng d vkhn tay tng di.


29/38

97. A Village IdiotWhen a village idiot blossomed out all of a

sudden in new clothes, the neighbors wonderedthe his prosperity.

"What's happened to you ?" asked one of

them."I won the first prize in the lottery," heanswered.

"How did you come to guess the luckynumber ?"

"Well, three times running I dreamed ofseven ; so I figured it out that three times sevenis twenty-four, and I bought ticket number 24. Iwon the first prize."

"Why, you fool, three times seven istwenty-one, not twenty-four."

"Gosh, is that so ?" said the village idiot."Well, twenty-four won, anyway."

97. G kh.

Khi mt g kh trong lng bng dng khocnhng b o lng lyth hng xm ai cng thcmc v s giu c ca hn.

- Sao m anh khm kh ln vy? - mtngi hi.

- Ti trng x s gii nht, - g kh p.

- Nhng lm sao anh on ra s trng?

- , ba ln lin tip, ti nm m thy sby; th l ti suy tnh ba ln by l hai mibn ri ti mua s 24. Th l trng gii nht.

- ngu, ba ln by l hai mi mt, uphi l hai mi bn.

- i ch, vy sao - G kh p. - Nhng dusao th s hai bn cng trng.

98. Fire ExtinguisherSalesman : "Madam, this fire extinguisher is

guaranteed to give you service for fifty years."Ederly Lady : "But I shan't be here all that

time."Salesman (misunderstanding her meaning) :

"Oh, but you can take it with you when yougo !"

98. Bnh cha la.

Ngi bn hng: - Tha b, ci bnh chala ny bo m xi c nm chc nm y.

B gi: - Nhng ti u cn y lu nhvy.

Ngi bn hng ( hiu lm ca b lo): -

, khi b i th b c th mang n theo!99. I'm All Three

Caller : "Is the boss in ?"New Office Boy : "Are you a salesman, a

bill collector or a friend of his ?"Caller : "I'm all three."Office Boy : "The boss is in conference. He

is out of town. Step in and see him."

99. Ti l c ba

Khch: - ng ch c y khng?

Nhn vin tp v mi tuyn: - ng l ngicho hng, nhn vin thu thu, hay l bn ngch?

Khch: - Ti l c ba.

Nhn vin: - ng ch bn hp hi ngh.

ng ch i khi thnh ph. Mi vo trong gpng.


30/38

100. A Clever LawyerHere is a story about a young lawyer in his

early days at the Bar when he represented arailway company, one of whose vehicles hadrun down a boy. The boy's case was that his

arm was so badly injured that he could nolonger lift it above his head. The clever younglawyer's cross-examination of the boy wascarried out very, very quietly - and very, veryeffectively :

"Now, my boy," he said, "your arm was hurtin the accident ?"

"Yes, sir," said the boy."And you can't lift your arm high now ?""No, sir.""Would you mind," said the lawyer very

gently, "just showing the jury once more howhigh you can raise your arm since theaccident ?"

The boy lifted with apparent effort just tothe shoulder level.

"And how high could you lift it before theaccident ?" asked the lawyer in his mostinnocent manner, and up went the arm straightover the boy's head.

100. Lut s thng minh.

Sau y l cu chuyn v mt lut s trtrong nhng ngy u mi hnh ngh trcvnh mng nga. Ln , anh ta i din chomt hng ho xa c mt toa xe ng phi mtcu b. V kin a ra to v tai nn y lmmt cnh tay ca thng b b thng nng timc n khng th gi tay cao khi u cna. Chng lut s tr thng minh xc tincuc i cht vi cu b mt cch bnh lnght sc v cng rt hiu qu v cng.

- Ny, ch b, - lut s ni, - cnh tay em bthng trong tai nn phi khng ?

- Vng, tha ng, - ch b p.- V by gi em khng th nhc tay ln cao

c phi khng ?- Vng .- Em vui lng, - chng lut s ni rt du

dng, - cho bi thm on thy mt ln na lt khi b tai nn n gi em c th gi tay lncao chng no ?

Ch b t ra gng gng a tay ln chngang ti vai. Chng lut s hi tip vi phongthi ngy th ht mc :

- Th trc khi b tai nn th em gi tay lncao chng no ? V cnh tay y vn thng

cao trn u ch b.101. Full of Bullets

The old soldier was telling of his thrillingadventures on the field of battle. "Then," hesaid, "the surgeons took me up and laid me inthe ammunition wagon, and -"

"Look here," said one of his listeners, "youdon't mean the ammunition wagon! You meanthe ambulance."

"No," he insisted, "I was so full of bulletsthat they decided I ought to go in the

ammunition wagon."

101. Chin tchNgi lnh gi ang thut li nhng cuc

phiu lu gay cn trn chin trng.- Th l sau , - ng k - cc bc s gii

phu nhc ti ln v a vo xe ti n, ri...- Ny, ny, - mt thnh gi ngt li, - bc

nh ni lad xe ti thng ch g ! u phi xeti n !

- Khng, - ng gi khng khng, - ngi tithng y n n mc l h quyt nh ti

phi i theo xe ti n.


31/38

102. An Unhappy MediumHouseholder : "You're a big, healthy man;

why don't you go to work ?"Tramp : "Madam, I'll tell you my trouble.

I'm an unhappy medium."

Householder : "Whatever do you mean bythat ?"Tramp : "I'm too light for heavy work."

102. K trung bnh bt hnhCh nh : - Anh to ln, kho mnh th, sao

anh khng chu lm lng ?K lang thang : - Tha b, ti k b nghe

vn ca ti. Ti l mt k trung bnh bt

hnh.Ch nh : - Anh ni th l th no ?K lang thanh : - Ti qu nng n cho

nhng vic lm nh nhng v qu nh nhngcho nhng vic lm nng n.

103. I'm Not SuperstitiousPersonnel Manager : "Have you had any

business experience ?"Applicant : "No, I've just finished school"Personnel Manager : "What kind of job are

you looking for ?"Applicant : "I'd like to be some sort of anexecutive Maybe a vice-president"

Personnel Manager : "But we already hadtwelve vice-presidents"

Applicant : "that's all right. I'm notsuperstitious".

103. Ti khng m tn d oanQun l nhn s : Trc gi anh c kinh

nghim thng mi no cha ?Ngi xin vic : - Cha, ti va mi ra

trng thi.

Qun l nhn s : - Th anh ang tm viclm g ?Ngi xin vic : - Ti mun cng vic g

ngang cp iu hnh. Lm ph gim c chnghn.

Qun l nhn s : - Nhng chng ti cmi hai v ph gim c ri.

Ngi xin vic : - Khng sao u. Tikhng phi l ngi m tn d oan.

104. Mending the DoorbellA young man dashed into the electrician's

shop, his face flushed with anger. "Didn't I askyou yesterday morning to send a man to mendmy doorbell ?" he roared, "and didn't youpromise to send him around at once ?"

"But we did, sir", broke in the manager. "I'mquite sure of it! Hi, Bill!" he called to one ofhis workmen at the back of the office. "Didn'tyou go round to Park Lodge yesterday to do

that jod ?"Yes, sir", replied Bill. "I went round allright, and I rang the bell for over ten minutes,but I could get no answer, so I guessed theymust all be out".

104. Sa chung gi caMt thanh nin chy a vo tim th in,

mt gay tc ti.- Sng hm qua ti ni anh sai ngi n

sa chung nh ti ri m ? - anh chng rngln. - V ng cng ha s cho ngi n lin ?

- Ti lm ng nh th, - ngi qun lngt li. - Ti bo m l c ! , Bill, - ng taquay sang gi mt nhn vin pha sau vnphng, - Hm qua anh c ti Park Lodge lm

vic khng vy ?- C, tha ng, - Bill p, - Ti c ti vnhn chung hn mi pht nhng khng thyai m ca nn ti on l mi ngi chc ivng ht ri.


32/38

105. An Older Boy Wanted"Why, look here," said the businessman

who was in need of a boy, "aren't you the sameboy who was in here a week ago ?"

"Yes, sir," said the applicant.

"I thought so. And I didn't tell you then thatI wanted an older boy ?""Yes, sir. That's why I'm, back. I'm older

now".

105. Cn mt cu b ln hn- Nhn ka, - ngi thng gia ang cn

thu mt cu gip vic ku ln, - cu chnh lcu nh n y tun trc phi khng ?

- Vng , - ngi xin vic p.

- Ti cng ngh vy. Nhng ti ni vicu l ti cn mt cu b ln hn m ?- ng vy, tha ng. Chnh v th ti mi

quay li y. By gi ti ln hn tun trc.


33/38

106. A Quiet WeekendThe farmer came back to the farm, after a

weekend in the city. The hired man met him atthe station in the Ford.

"How's everything ?"

"Oh, so-so""Anything happened ?""Nothing to speak of. The dog limps a little""That so? How'd that happen ?""The horse was kind of crazy, running out

of the stable, half singed, and kicked it""Half singed ?""Yeah. When the barn burnt down, and all

the hay and stock got burnt, except for thehorse - and I had to shoot him later, he was sosinged"

"How'd the barn catch ?""A few sparks from the house, I reckon.That was what woke me - one of yourdaughters screaming on the second story thatthe house was afire"

"Hum! House went too! Save anything ?""Oh yes. When I woke, the whole kitchen

end was blazing, but I still could unlock thefront stairway, and got the folks out. But Iremembered your barrel applejack in the shedbehind the kitchen, and I knew you didn't want

anything to happen to that. When I got themout, it was too late to save the two girls, or thebay, or even your wife. I suppose your mawand paw got crisped right off. But I saved theapplejack".

"Well, that something. Anything elsehappened ?"

"That was all. It was a pretty quietweekend"

106. Ngy cui tun yn tnhSau mt ngy ngh cui tun thnh ph,

ngi ch tri quay v nng tri. Ngi lmcng i xe Ford ra nh nga n ng.

- nh th no ?

- , cng tm tm.- C chuyn g khng ?- Khng c g ng ni. Con ch b khp

khing cht nh.- Th ? Ti sao vy ?- Con nga gn nh pht in, n chy ra

khi chung, lng gn nh chy xm ht v con ch.

- Lng chy xm ?- Vng . Lc va la chy ri, v tt c

rm r cng gia sc cng b chy tiu, ngoi

tr con nga... sau ti phi bn cho n chtlun, n phng nng qu.- Lm sao m va la chy ?- Ti chc l do my tn la t ngi nh.

Chnh chuyn lm ti thc gic... mt ccon gi ca ng go la trn tng hai l ngi nhbc chy.

- Ch ch! Ngi nh tiu lun ! Cu cci g khng ?

- D c. Lc ti thc gic ton b nh bpang bc la hng hc nhng ti vn cn c

th m kho cu thang chnh v a mi ngira. Nhng ti cn nh l thng ru to cang cn trong nh kho sau bp v ti bitng khng mun ci g ng vo thngru y c. Lc ti ly c n ra th qumun cu hai c gi, hay a nh, hay ngayc v ng. Ti chc l ng b c ca ng cngb nng chn lun. Nhng ti cu c thngru to.

- , kh y. Cn chuyn g khc nakhng ?

- Ch c vy thi. Mt ngy cui tun khyn tnh.


34/38

107. A Man with ImaginationBanker : "What do you mean by telling me

that you had seven years' experience in a bankwhen you never had a job before ?"

Youth : "Well, you advertised for a man

with imagination".

107. Ngi giu tr tng tngCh nh bng : - Anh cha bao gi i lm

vy m anh bo ti l anh c by nm kinhnghim nh bng l vi g ?

Chng thanh nin: - , th ng ng bo cn

tuyn ngi giu tr tng tng m.

108. Talking to HeavenA small boy had watched a telephone

repairman climb a pole, connect the test set andtry the connection with the test board. Therewas some trouble obtaining the connection.The youngster listened a few minutes andrushed into the house exclaiming. "Mama,come out here quick. There is a man up a

telephone pole talking to heaven"."What makes you think he is talking toheaven?"

"Cause he hollered Hello! Hello! Hello!Good Lord, what's the matter up there, can'tanyone hear?"

108. Ni chuyn vi triMt cu b theo di mt th sa in thoi

tro ln ct in, ni mch b ngh kim travo th lin lc vi tng i. C mt s c no trong vic ni mch lin lc. Ch nhc ngnghe mt hi ri chy a vo nh la ln :

- M i, ra m xem mau ln. C mt ngcho ln ct in thoi ang ni chuyn vi

tri.- Ci g khin con ngh l ng y ang nichuyn vi tri ?

- V con nghe ng ta la ln "A l ! A l !Tri i, c chuyn g trn , c ai chu nghekhng h ?"

109. When Did You Hire That Boy ?The head of the store was passing through

the packing room and saw a boy loungingagainst a box whistling cheerfully.

"How much do you get a week?" he asked.

"Ten dollar, sir?""Here's a week's pay - get out"When he next saw the foreman, he asked,

"When did you hire that boy?""We never hire him ; he just brought in a

package from another firm".

109. Anh thu thng b u vy ?Ngi ch hiu ang i ngang qua phng

ng gi v trng thy mt cu b va nglng trn mt chic thng va hut so vui v.

- My lm bao nhiu tin mt tun ? - ng

ta hi.- Mi la mt tun, tha ng.- y l mt tun lng ca my . Ct

lun i.Khi gp ngi qun c sau , ng ta hi :- Anh thu thng b u vy ?- Chng ta c thu n bao gi u ; n va

mang ti mt kin hng t cng ty khc.


35/38

110. BoastingTwo veterans were boasting about their

outfits."Why, our company was so swell drilled,"

sad one, "that when we presented arms all you

could hear was slap, slap, click""Pretty fair" said the other. "But when ourcompany presented arms you could here slap,slap, jingle"

"Jingle ?" said the other. What did that ?""Oh, just our medals".

110. Khoc lcHai cu chin binh ang ni khoc v n

v ca h.- , i i ca ti c rn luyn xn n

mc khi chng ti bng sng cho th anh ch

nghe ton ting lch xch, lch xch, lch cch.- Kh y, - ngi kia ni. - Nhng khi ii chng ti bng sng cho, anh ch ngheton ting lch xch, lch xch, leng keng.

- Leng keng ? - ngi kia hi. - Ci g mleng keng ?

- , huy chng ca bn ti m.


36/38

111. Seeking Admission at the PearlyGates

A broker sought admission at the PearlyGates.

"Who are you ?" said St. Peter.

"I'm a Wall Street broker ?""What do you want ?""I want to get in.""What have you done that entitles to

admission ?""Well, I saw a decrepit woman on

Broadway the other day and gave her twocents."

"Gabriel, is that on the records ?""Yes, St. Peter : it's marked down to his

credit"

"What else have you done ?""Well, I crossed the Brooklyn Bridge theother night and met a newsboy half frozen todeath and gave him one cent."

"Gabriel, is that on the records ?""Yes, St. Peter""What else have you done ?""Well, I can't recollect anything else just

now ?""Gabriel, what do you think we ought to do

with this fellow ?"

"Oh, give him back his three cents and tellhim to go to hell".

111. ng vo thin ngMt tay mi gii chng khon xin php vo

cng Thin ng.- Anh l ai? - Thnh Ph-R hi.- Ti l ngi mi gii chng khon Wall

Street.- Anh mun g?- Ti mun vo trong .- Anh lm g c php vo y?- , hm kia ti c gp mt b gi yu

ph Broadway v cho b ta hai xu.- Chuyn ny c ghi trong h s khng,

Tng Lnh Thin Thn?- C , tha Thnh Ph-R, chuyn ny c

ghi trong mc nhng vic hn c lm.- Anh cn lm g khc na khng?

- , ti hm kia ti i bng qua cuBrooklyn th gp mt thng nh bn bo lnhcng gn cht, ti c cho n mt xu.

- Tng Lnh Thin Thn, chuyn ny ctrong h s khng?

- D c, tha Thnh Ph-R.- Anh cn lm g khc hn na?- Ch ch, ngay by gi th ti khng nh

c g c.- Tng Lnh Thin Thn, theo anh th ta

phi lm g vi g ny?

- , tr li hn ba xu v bo hn i xunga ngc.


37/38

112. Catching KitchenA lieutenant's suspicions were aroused by a

private whom he saw nearing eagerly under thefence of a house near the army camp.

"What are you doing here ?" he demanded,

in his gruffest tones."Why, sir, "said the soldier, saluting, "I'monly trying to catch a chicken which I've justbought"

The lieutenant stooped and caught sight of apair of fine fowl.

"There are two chickens under there, "heexclaimed excitedly, "I bought the other one.Catch them both."

112. Bt gVin trung u sinh nghi khi nhn thy mt

anh binh nh chm chm d mt nhn qua hngro ca mt ngi nh n gn tri qun.

- Anh lm ci g y? - vin trung u ly

ging nghim khc nht hi.- Tha trung u, - ngi lnh kia va atay cho va ni, - ti ch ang c bt con gm ti mua.

Vin trung u khom lng xung nhn v btgp mt cp g bo tt.

- C hai con g di , - vin trung uku ln. - Con g kia l ca ti mua . Btlun hai con i.

113. This Is Not Merely Eye TroubleEven the best of specialists often fall down

in their diagnoses."Ah", said the doctor, looking into one eye,

"it is easy for me to see what is the matter withyou ! This is not merely eye trouble ; it is anaffection of the nervous system. There are allthe signs of liver trouble, of the degeneration ofthe heart, of a bad blood supply. The only thing

I can recommend is""Here, here !" cried the patient. "Isn't it the

other eye ? That's my glass one, you know."

113. B chng nan yNgay c nhng chuyn gia y hc ti gii

nht i khi cng phm sai lm trong khichun on bnh.

- , - ng bc s va nhn vo mt con mtca bnh nhn, - Ti d dng thy ngay vn ca anh! Khng ch l trc trc v mt khngu; ti cn thy tc ng ca h thn kinh,mi du hiu ca bt n ca gan, s suy yu

ca tim, s thiu mu. iu duy nht ti c th ngh l...

- Thi i! Thi i, - bnh nhn ku ln. - ti lc ng nn khm con mt kia ri ? Conmt ny l mt gi m!


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